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You’ve likely been in a situation where something someone said completely dumbfounded you. You had to ask yourself whether this person was joking, only to find out that they were actually serious. You probably formed opinions, unflattering ones, at that.
This was likely the experience these people had, which is why they had to share it on Reddit. The thread was about the stupidest thing they’ve heard someone say, and the responses poured in.
Readers, if you have that one completely inane statement from someone that stands out to you, feel free to share it in the comments.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I had a coworker who believed that if you cancelled a credit card, you didn’t have to pay it anymore.
She told me she had this great plan, she was going to buy a new flatscreen TV and a new couch and a bunch of other furniture and then “I’ll just cancel the card and I’ll get it all for free!”.
Zig Zag Wanderer 52 minutes ago
Well, you can. If you just move to another country. Apparently....
RELATED:
#2
I did internet tech support ages ago. I was helping a guy with his connection problems over the phone. I told him to right click on his modem icon and go to properties.
He said "My right or your right?"
Over the phone.
#3
“We haven’t had a dust bowl in years” farmer said as he was ripping out windbreak trees so he could plant more beans on that few acres of land. Like why do you think the wind doesn’t come screeching through here anymore.
#4
Standing in front a jellyfish tank at an aquarium with my then 5 year old daughter. There was a 20ish couple also standing there watching in silence. The tank had lighting that slowly changed colors every few seconds as the jellyfish bobbed around. At some point the woman says...
"It's so amazing how they all know to change to the same new color at the same time."
I had to do everything I could to not laugh. I looked down at my daughter and she a perfect 5-year-old "W*F?" look on her face. I shook my head and then looked at the man, with a look on my face that clearly said "you have to laugh first, man". He was doing everything he could to hold it in. Eventually as we all start letting out some stifled giggles, she says again...
"Oh. My. God. I am so stupid."
The dam burst and all four of us erupted into laughter. I said something like "that was fantastic, you just made our day" and we all went our separate ways. .
#5
Working front desk at a hotel. Guest comes in and walks to the stairwell, then back out and asks "do these stairs go up?"
I take a brief moment to make sure I heard what I thought I heard and reply "guess it depends which way you're going, they also go down".
Dude burst out laughing and went back to the stairwell.
#6
I had someone ask my accent so I told them I was Australian, and they were stunned. Then asked how long I had been living in the country so I told them one year and they almost choked and said "Wow, your English is so good!!!".
Beak Hookage 49 minutes ago
As an Australian I am unable to read this post because I only speak/read Australian.
#7
"I don't want a raise because it would put me in a higher tax bracket".
Vexed Panda 35 minutes ago
I still don't understand how this worked out, but i once got a wicked small raise. It was high enough to bump me up to the next tax bracket by one dollar, and my net paycheck was smaller than it had been before my raise. Murphy and his luck had to be tied into that somehow.
#8
I said when I was younger I wanted to be a paleontologist when I grew. She said that was stupid because why would you want to study something that wasn't real (dinosaurs). When I clarified if she actually thought dinosaurs weren't real, she then said she gets them confused with unicorns. Then told us a story that in college, in a lecture, she tried calling out a professor who said unicorns weren't real because she had one at a birthday party when she was younger. Needless to say, she's a pharmaceutical sales rep now.
#9
I had a classmate who argued, almost to the point of tears, that 55 mph in his Camaro was faster than 55 mph in a Corolla.
Zig Zag Wanderer 48 minutes ago
Strangely, the closer you are to the ground, the faster speed SEEMS. Perhaps he was thinking that it seems faster?
#10
Asked a guy at the gas station if he knew where the bookstore was. He replied in a disgusted tone “Do I look like I read BOOKS?” No, I guess you don’t.
#11
A stoner classmate in high school once asked my teacher: “do you think horses know when it’s raining outside?”
It’s been 15 years and I still think about that question weekly.
#12
Hands down the stupidest thing i ever heard was, I was riding a MUNI bus in San Francisco, right before the solar eclipse in 2017/2018ish.
Women talking to her friend loudly asked how its possible to have a solar eclipse since the moon is just the sun at night.
This was a grown woman, dressed in business attire on her way to what I imagine was a financial/tech job.
For those of you with imposter syndrome, remember these people are out there living their lives, confidently. .
#13
My grandmother told me, "If he doesn't hit you, then he doesn't love you."
Zig Zag Wanderer 44 minutes ago
The best respnse would be "I love you, Grandma!" and drawing back your fist. (not to hit, just to prove a point.)
#14
My childhood friend when she got her learners permit said this while driving in the rain: “urgh! Why does it always rain harder when I drive faster?!”.
#15
I knew a gay guy who’s best friend was a lesbian. His mum said to him “you’re both gay, why not date each other?”
#16
"You can't just judge someone based on what they believe."
Jeremy James 37 minutes ago
"Don't tell me what you believe. Show me how you treat other people and I'll tell you what you believe."
#17
"I'm a Christian so I don't believe the Earth is billions of years old."
This was another science teacher at a school I worked at. I laughed because I thought he was joking. At the time I did not even realize that young Earthers were a real thing. I thought they were just a running online joke.
#18
My coworker thought that when a liquor bottle said ‘spirit’ on the label, that it had an actual spirit in it. Like a ghost.
#20
Here are a few I've heard in the last couple weeks from my Australian cousin who loves to tell me how stupid Americans are...
"I would go back to 3000 BC to see if Jesus was really knocking about"
"My cervix hurts" (he's a male)
"Hawaii is a country, not a state, because it has it's own flag"
"Who cares what someone from Nepal thinks" (when talking about Napoleon)
There's more but it hurts my brain to think of them all.
astheshadowsfall 56 minutes ago
America has it's problems, but blanket America haters have got a s***w loose. Everywhere has problems and idiots.
#21
Someone said to me (without sarcasm) that if their wife had immigrated illegally they would be better off becuase of all the free stuff and money illegals get.
This was just the stupidest thing today though.
#22
There was a clip on Reddit the other day where the guy says that drinking water is a scam. Because water is a solvent and dissolves everything.
Which makes it weird that so many people have pools and hot tubs.
#23
A coworker was telling a story about driving their car, going down an embankment, and having it flip over on its roof. Second coworker cried out, completely sincerely, “Oh my God! Did you live???” And then waited.for.the.answer.
#24
The salvation army is part of the military.
Beak Hookage 51 minutes ago
Well, Dr Evil did inform us that there's a "militant wing of the Salvation Army", so maybe he was telling the truth?
#25
Trump would never say that after a direct quote with video evidence.
#26
My mom defending Trump wrote to me in an email that he’s a “blue collar businessman.” I laughed and literally rolled on the floor for like 10 minutes. Still makes me chortle.
#27
“I hope a watermelon falls out of a tree and hits you in the head.”
-Ralphie Fernini (my mum’s high school boyfriend).
#28
A week before the 2020 presidential election: “You will see, the next day after the election covid will disappear. They made it up to make Trump look bad”. It came from a 40-year-old woman with a college degree.
#29
I may have a great one ….. I used to work with this guy we will call him Joe, well Joe came up to me and started a conversation about Rihanna, and he was like she is hot, the hottest barbarian he ever saw? I asked “barbarian?” He replied yea she is from Barbaria! I said do you mean Barbados He oh that’s how you say it for a female!
I just walked away.
#31
1) essential oils stopped them from getting Covid.
2) NASA was responsible for the helium shortage because they use it to keep the stars in the sky.
#32
An angry tourist off a cruise ship barging around a shop in Mexico: “Doesn’t anyone speak American here??!” This person did not even know the name of her own language, much less how rude and ignorant it was to demand that others in a different country speak it.
#33
My ex is Australian. He went back to his country when I was a few months pregnant and had no contact for years.
When he reached out our son was almost two. Son was born and raised in US with no contact from paternal family.
Ex asked if our son had an Aussie accent.
#34
In my 20s/30s I regularly got asked why I didn’t have kids. I had a stock set of answers, but my usual was, “I don’t think my genes are worth passing to the next generation.”
A co-worker responded, “what do you mean? You’re white.”
Me: 😲
#35
My mom got remarried and it’s the weirdest thing….I still look like my dad.
🤯 wish I was kidding. She was in school to be an elementary school teacher, too. Educating the future of America! (Maybe that explains some things….).
#36
I don't know if it's THE stupidest but last Thanksgiving we had a fire in the fire pit. The smoke was hitting my stepson in the face, making him cough, and you could tell it was burning his eyes. Eventually, my wife, his mother asks this 18-year-old man “Why don't you move to a seat out of the smoke?”
He replied “I'm cold and the smoke is the hottest part.
We felt like failures.
#37
I might be the stupid person in this story so here it goes:
I went to an aquarium several years ago. And they were getting to do a starfish feeding. The girl doing the presentation said "how do you think starfish taste?" The room went silent and I blurted out "horrible!" She apparently meant "how do you think starfish taste their food?".
#38
At a 4th of July fireworks show. An adult male telling a group of kids that "you see the rocket explode before you hear the boom. That's the doppler effect.".
#39
“Without the dinosaurs, Jurassic Park doesn’t have much of a plot.”
#40
Reconnected with an old friend on Christmas Eve. She launched into a chem trail speech. Convinced she sees them in the summer and the next day storms appear. Yes I’ve seen these things on Reddit but it shocked the hell out of me that an old friend would be the first person I would hear it from in person. Haven’t talked since. Texted a few times but she wants me to call. No thanks.
#41
I once heard someone at the next table at a restaurant say “you know who is smart? Sarah Palin. She’s so well spoken” I laughed out loud but the jokes on me. It’s all been downhill since then.
#42
I dated a girl who insisted the moon was more important than the sun because the sun only lights the daytime when it's already light out, but the moon lights up the night when you really need it.
#43
You shouldn't wear steel toed boots because if something lands on your foot, they'll cut off your toes!
Never mind that proper CSA approved steel toed boots would require *thousands* of pounds to do that - far more than what's required to just crush your toes into paste.
See also: You shouldn't wear a helmet because it makes you more likely to be brain damaged instead of ended. You shouldn't wear a seat belt because it's safer to be thrown from the car.
They're all stupid. If you desperately don't want to wear protective gear, don't. But don't spread idiotic nonsense.
Spidercat 1 hour ago
This is actually true for some activities. The toe cap doesn't have to deform to remove a toe, if the shoe leather behind it bend ls enough it can happen. I have been taught this, I have taught this and I have seen evidence of it having happened. Take it or leave it but there it is 👍🏻
#45
My church uses the King James Bible because that’s the one Jesus used.
Zig Zag Wanderer 30 minutes ago
You should hand them the Jewish bible and explain that he used that. And was Jewish. Much more fun than correcting them 😜
#46
My mother in law is a turbo Catholic and during the pandemic she would say “you can’t get sick from church” because apparently church is a magical place where germs and viruses can’t get in. That religion made her do and say a lot of stupid things but that one got me angry.
#49
A couple years ago, in my old dorm building, we had a “Show Your Interest Presentation” and we could do whatever topic we wanted. One girl went up and did her fictional crushes, which I respect, and this isn’t the girl who said the stupid stuff, no, she’s cool. At one point, she admitted to crushing on Mr. Fox from fantastic Mr Fox fame purely bc of George Clooney’s voice acting. The stupid stuff comes in when this one girl asks “Who’s George Clooney? Is he a president?”
It gets worse.
If I were to tell you George Clooney was Batman, you’d think “Oh, he played the character, got it.” As one does. This girl just says, when she’s told George Clooney was Batman, “I thought that was Bruce Wayne.”
#51
There are 61 seconds in a minute. I know everyone says 60, but it’s actually 61.
#54
“You can’t have it that cold, the pipes will freeze.” The building was set for 60 degrees Fahrenheit.
#55
“I always remember my uncle’s birthday because he is exactly twice as old as me.” I swear they were serious.
#56
Can I rat myself out? I am college-educated with an emphasis in biology. While very heavily pregnant, I asked a zookeeper what penguins were. As in mammals, birds, fish, etc. My brain was so fried from pregnancy that it could not comprehend what category they fell into. My friend looked at me like I had grown three heads or was having a stroke. Rightfully so.
I still die inside when I think of that moment.
#57
I heard a contestant on Project Runway say this when in Central Park. "It's just like a movie, but in 3D".
#58
A guy back in highschool came from a jewish family.
His brother was pretty smart, had good grades. Him? Not so much, he was always failing everything.
One day he said "I don't need to study. Im like my brother. We jews are good at science, it's in our blood"
Yeah the guy failed in the most predictable way possible, even his brother warned him and told him he did in fact study 😂.
#60
Knew a girl who thought you could drive from the USA to South Korea because her friend went through San Diego to get there. She was fine though so paid it no attention.
#61
"Raising a child isn't that hard," said my rich coworker who has a live-in nanny and housekeepers.
#65
I had a young coworker who had a drink bottle with a llama on it. I complimented it saying how cute and fluffly llamas are. She laughed at me and said llamas don’t exist, what are you talking about?
She thought llamas were like unicorns.
#66
“I get my news from Reddit so I know it’s legit.”
#67
Worked with a guy that claimed that there is a star in the center of the Earth. I really wish that I had asked him to elaborate on this.
#68
Once heard a customer complain that we only had green wine and no white. That is just the colour of the glass Madame.
#69
I worked with a woman who was a complete hypochondriac. She would come in 1 day with a brace on her right knee, a few days later on the left..same with wrist wraps and other tape.
One day she came in dragging her leg. She told me she had dislocated her shin, and was going to the doctors after work to get a shin splint...
I still can't stop laughing when I think about it..
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