30 Tweets Posted By People With Impeccable Humor

Aaaw, that is SO sweet. I did not do such a good deed but I asked an old lady to get halve of a deal with me on sweets because her daughter was very dismissive, telling her it‘s stupid or something. It was 5 bags of gummies for 5€. That‘s cheap, if you do not know, but neither of us wanted 5 bags. If you bought less, you would pay 2€ for one. So I offerd her to take the deal together. She got 3 and I took 2 and we payed each our own 1€ per bag.

Little by little I see how Master Gowasu was right.

Fantastic!

Today on “things that never happened “

It's common, even in the US. My wife doesn't use my name - but Dr. WineDrinker2022 isn't much of a surname.

The big issue here is why a woman is expected to take on her husbands name in the first place.

When we married, I kept my name and my wife kept hers. We're married, changing all passport, bank, deeds and everything would be too much hassle. Who cares anyway?

And even if the husband did go to medical school, ...

My mother finally stopped asking and started buying presents for my cat.

Find out the cost of raising a child in your country then the answer can be something like. "When someone gives me the quarter of a million pounds that it costs to raise a child in the UK. And that doesn't even include private health insurance or school/university fees." Be blunt: one of the main reasons people don't have kids are because they cannot afford to.

Or you could just have one baby in a jar and point to it when people ask you when you are going to have a baby and then they would stop asking you. /J

Get a cat! ;)

Lesbitarian Lady

Lesbitarian Lady

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If you're childless in US, you better not have cats too. A certain VP candidate will take issue with it

My then 17 year-old daughter hosted a party for about 12 of her friends. My wife and I stayed upstairs watching TV until we heard the kids leave. When we came out to say goodbye, they had all worked together and cleaned up the entire downstairs. We were amazed. My daughter and her friends were theatre and choir kids. I think that had something to do with how nice and responsible they are. Also, if you ever get the chance to have a dozen high school choir kids sing "Happy Birthday", don't miss it; it's special.

Lol, that's my 18yo. "I can't have my friend over for three days. I can't be responsible for cleaning and cooking for her on top of what I do"

This is so adorable and so relatable.

My son had a few parties around age of 16 and all his friends cleaned up too .....most of them were Young Firefighters and others just good friends

Even good kids can be worse slobs than adults. (yes, I know, sometimes)

Yes

We are all feeling the general health of the planet.

Seriously yes! I used to drink 3-4 cups of coffee a day. I recently gave up caffeine and you know what? It didn't change f**k all! I get anxiety a little less, that's it. The most overhyped worthless stuff

Kiss Army

Kiss Army

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I have never heard it explained so well.

Sounds painfully familiar.

Mini series were an actual commitment! Remember younglings, this was before the cloud, Tivo, or even domestic VHS were actual things. If you wanted to see something you had to be there every week for the twenty weeks, or whatever, it ran for. No shouting “pause it for a minute” while you make a brew, no saving it for when you got home, no saving it up and binge watching when you had a few days off. You had to commit to being sat down waiting at, for example, half past eight every Thursday evening, from September through the holidays and into the next year. That sort of commitment meant that stuff had to be good to make sure it was actually watched.

OH and you remember to call your seat or the "move your feet, lose your seat" rule goes into effect.

When the ads came on my sister and I took turns darting over to turn the sound off. It was actually pretty fun, seeing who could do it the fastest.

Now, this one made me laugh.

Or you've followed a specific author who finishes one 500-1000 pg novel every 5 years or so and when number 7 comes out, they make a movie or a series out of it, and suddenly everyone is an expert.

Love this! I would like to meet The Bees too and thank them for My honey!!!!

Danke schøn!

Bee best!

I have recently read that bees can recognise people, so I too would have given my enthusiastic Oh Yes please.

The bees make the honey.

If you lose me at a party, I'm wherever the pets hang out.

Buffalo chicken dip straight out of the crock pot is almost always way better than anyone you meet at parties.

I approve this message.