Parenthood is a challenge where navigating the twists and turns of raising a child in this turbulent world can feel overwhelming. Especially when moms and dads know they play an enormous role in molding their kids' personalities and emotional and mental health, for better or worse. And while there is no such thing as a perfect parent, most try their best to lift their little ones and give them support whenever they need it.
However, a few are downright toxic and take delight in imposing hurt, pain, and ignorance onto their child. So when Redditor odeus120 reached out to 'Ask Reddit' with a question, "What screams trashy parents?", it inspired people to share their takes online. Suddenly, the thread turned into an illuminating read about how people can tell if their behavior patterns negatively shape their child's life.
Below, you'll find a list of these thought-provoking responses about actions parents should steer clear of. So continue scrolling and upvote the ones you agree with. Keep reading to also find an interview with the person who sparked this conversation, odeus120. Then be sure to let us know what other signs of harmful parenting you've ever witnessed in the comment section below.
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Kids running around a store trashing the place and not a parent in sight.
and waterparks too. Lifeguards are not your f*****g babysitters (lifeguard heree)
Social media influencers whose entire content is their children. People who publically punish their kids online, parents who give out way to many details about their children giving them lack of privacy. Child exploitation at its finest.
Having so many that you can't properly care for them all, or having the older kids care for the younger ones most of the time.
I had neighbors, the daughter was 7 at the time, the son 5. She was "responsible" for her brother when they were playing outside. When the mother offered me a coffee in their appartement, I told her I was watching my kids (4&6yo at the time) while they were biking on the street. Low traffic, I warned them to get off the street whem a car was coming. She told "don't worry my daughter will be in charge". 7yo responsible for my kids life, well no thanks, I don't need a coffee. Imagine thé poor girl if something happen and she spend her whole life feeling guilty for something that should never have been her role
Load More Replies...Even worse when the father does nothing to help care for the kids, it's still infuriatingly common.
Don't forget those trying for a specific gender. My parents had five boys. I am pretty sure for the last three of us they were trying for a girl. Also, if the first born is a girl she ends up being the second mom completely robbing her of her childhood.
It depends? My grandparents had 3 boys, then tried 1 more time because my Granddad really wanted a daughter too; they got their girl, but didn't treat the boys any differently.
Load More Replies...It's traditional in many cultures. More kids ==> more chance some will survive to their reproductive years. Small families result from prosperity and medical care.
So many people don't understand this. Education, access to medical care and contraception, and realistic opportunities lead to smaller families. End of.
Load More Replies...Exactly... Cannot manage yourself? How will you manage even one kid? And then such people judge others who either cannot have kids or don't want them for obvious reasons.
My uncle has eleven kids. This is exactly what happened. The older kids end up resenting their parents cause they can't be kids. They have to be parents.
In the UK it's 22 kids and counting. The Radford family. Luckily mum seems to have gone through the menopause. She had their first at 14 and then after their 10th dad got clipped. As the babies started becoming toddlers she wanted more so he had it reversed and the babies kept coming. Tv show followed and sponsors. The family own a bakery and the dad starts working really early in the morning but somehow he seems to be always around to help with the kids. They don't claim any benefits is what their fans say so who cares what anyone thinks. The older kids at home complain that they never have any privacy, always have to take care of their siblings and it's always noisy with babies crying and screaming. So bad and with the economy being what it is I doubt they will be able to leave when they turn 18
Load More Replies...This is a social artifact that needs to go away. You used to have 8 kids because it took way too many people to work a farm to keep everyone from starving to death. 5 of those kids would never reach adulthood. 12 year old Nancy is taking care of 3 year old John because mom is bedridden with a child to replace 14 year old Gertrude who died from dysentery.
Then countries industrialize and we move into cities where children become expensive pets we can talk about.
Load More Replies...Come on. That guy in the picture has three children, that's common and absolutely fine. He also takes care of all three of them. Really bad choice of Illustration. Having many children is not per se trashy - it's how you take care of them. My mother in law had five children and they were always very well taken care of, as my wife can attest.
Well today I just read about a woman who served as a surrogate mother for her son's 5th (FIFTH !!!) baby, because his wife couldn't have one more. Really? when they already have 4 kids....??? Is that necessary ?
Don't they get paid for every child after the first one. More kids more money for them to spend. Doesn't go to the kids.
Now that Republican-appointed justices on the Supreme Court have made it possible to outlaw abortion (by overturning the Roe v Wade decision) their next target will be Griswold v Connecticut, which got rid of laws prohibiting birth control. If these maniacs get their way, you may not have a choice about the size of your family.
that has been happening for generations --- but before vaccines and penicillin you had to have lots of kids because a few would probably die of diseases
Yes, literally. I can relate, my father is one of fourteen children. Yes, 14. he only had just enough of everything, if that. he only got new shoes once a year growing up, and his feet are damaged and deformed to this day. That is why he chose to have 3 kids, including me. better to be a quality parent to a few than a mediocre to too many.
My Aunt (whom I haven’t spoken to in years), bred Persian cats. The cats got fed good food, her daughters lived off noodles as teenagers. The cats had the best medication while the daughters had worms/lice. The daughters would accidentally step in cat sh!t while going to the bathroom and then using wadded toilet paper for sanitary products because my aunt couldn’t afford what every teen girl needs.
I think 2 children is more than enough. It's easier for you to educate them than you to abandon too many children
My daughter has a friend whose parents are like this, they have 8 kids and most of the time the oldest sister and brother are caring for the little ones
It's not 1912... birth control is a thing.... and we're not raising kids to work family farms or be housewives (unless they want to). Forcing older kids to raise little ones in this era is basically saying that your lifestyle is more important than their ambitions
My parents had the right idea and had me and my brother 18 months apart so I was in an established routine and I wasn’t demanding attention 24/7. I had a neighbour at one point with 7 kids one of the youngest has Down syndrome and others had mental health issues and the mum had to rely on the eldest daughter to make sure everyone was looked after, she had no childhood and it got worse for her when mental health issues were diagnosed as she was expected to know how to care for them just as much as the mother
Children have ZERO ability to control what their parents are sharing. Let’s not forget little Timmy most likely doesn’t want his weenie and bootie all over the internet for people to see
Humans becoming capable of being rational about sex and reproduction would be an extinction event.
Judgy much? Parents die, divorces happen, sickness strike, people lose jobs..whoever posted this is just ignorant
We managed to get in touch with the person who sparked the conversation on the platform, Redditor odeus120, who was kind enough to chat about the thread and the reasons it resonated so deeply with the community. They told Bored Panda that the idea to raise this question came after they stumbled upon a YouTube video of an 'Ask Reddit' post on a similar topic. "So naturally, I made a post on the same theme," odeus120 said.
However, the user was surprised to see the thread blow up as much as it did. "I was expecting it to follow the same as most of my posts," the user added. "I was shocked by the responses and so many replies that I have not read them all. I was also shocked because this was the first post of mine to get over 5.7k upvotes and 5.3k comments."
Force them into beauty pageants as toddlers
Changing your kids diaper in a Walmart parking lot and throwing the diaper full of s**t on the ground for someone else to deal with.
i work in a pub restaurant and ppl just do it there and leave the nappy, i never see them do it just the nappy, i wouldnt mind but its a small pub and the toilets arent miles away
After reading the reactions and opinions shared by fellow community members, the user guessed that this thread resonated with so many people because "there are sadly so many helicopter, redneck, and [bad] parents out there." The user also mentioned that in their opinion, these behaviors mentioned in the list are the results of harmful relationships people had with their own parents, "So naturally, they continue to abuse their own kids."
Kids destroying other people's stuff/property and the parents are just standing there and laughing like it's a form of amusement. Once went into a older movie store and there was a child bashing the glass with his ball and throwing the movies all over the floors. The mother (presumedly) let her child continue to do that despite others' protests including the manager's. I don't fault the child, doesn't know any better. The mother should've been asked to leave the store with her son.
I lost count of how many parent conferences I had that went like this:
Me: You child’s grades and behavior are horrible.
Them: I don’t know what to do! I’ve tried everything!
Me: Like what?
Them: I took their PS5 away, and their XBOX360, but then they went crazy, so I gave it back to them.
Me: So you tried like nothing?
I have never seen or had a teacher behave so rudely. On the contrary, it’s usually the parents who behave badly.
When I waited tables in college, I saw a mother fill her young toddler’s bottle with Coca-cola. I thought it was just horrible.
It’s no secret that poor parenting feels heavy and confusing as it can have a long-term impact on how a child sees themselves and the world. After all, kids have a tendency to soak up everything adults say or do like sponges. Whether parents consistently criticize their little ones, control every aspect of their lives, use guilt to manipulate their children, or are emotionally and physically abusive, they can do a lot of harm to their children’s lives.
Of course, we're not here to vilify all parents. The reality is that moms and dads can make mistakes, whether intentionally or not. But when they constantly pass on the same harmful behaviors to their kids, it can lead to a traumatic childhood.
As stated in an article on Healthline, there’s no such medical term as a "toxic parent". Since every family is different, there’s no clear definition of what behavior patterns clearly define this concept. However, it’s usually used to describe individuals who behave in ways that cause fear, guilt, or obligation in their children. "A toxic parent, however, is more concerned with their own needs than whether what they’re doing is harmful or damaging. They likely won’t apologize or even admit that what they are doing is wrong. And the abuse or neglect tends to be ongoing or progressive."
When their kids could literally set the world on fire and they'll blame anyone else to avoid responsibility.
Exactly how my father treats my brother, acting as if he did no wrong all the time
Parents emotionally blackmailing their kids. Using guilt and obligation to control their children.
lol yeah thats why i dont talk to my parents, took me a long time to break the cycle,
Smoking in the car with the kids in the back.
Psychologist Chivonna Childs, Ph.D., explained to Cleveland Clinic that toxic parents are more self-centered than other-centered. "Any time you think a person is toxic, you look at their behavior. Those traits can belong to our parents as well," she added. "Those are signs of toxic people. Our parents are individuals, they’re people. They just happen to be our parents."
When it comes to harmful parenting patterns and the effects they have on a child, the biggest one is the constant feeling of being trapped. "Whether it’s physical, verbal or emotional abuse, you feel trapped if you’re a child," Dr. Childs says. "It’s not like a child can just get up and leave, to go live on his or her own. You’re left at the mercy of the people who love and take care of us."
Watching YouTube videos on their phone at full volume without headphones while in a public place
There is a kid (maybe 8-10 years old) on the other side of my street right now yelling slurs and telling everyone who walks by to go f**k themselves while their parent sits on the porch smoking weed and laughing. This is a regular occurrence. I'm fairly certain the kid has a mental disorder but the fact that the parent seems to be encouraging the behavior is pretty trashy.
Posting videos of your child having a meltdown while you mock them.
Moreover, toxic parenting impacts future relationships. Because parents are children's introduction to the world, Dr. Childs explained kids deem their behaviors to be completely normal until they’re 5 or 6 years old. Unfortunately, once they realize the impact of these actions, the damage has already been done. "These are learned behaviors that we can continue to perpetuate on others as well as our own children," she said. "If you’re raised thinking that toxic behavior is normal, then you’ll think that’s how you’re supposed to behave with your children, too."
"If we don’t understand how to treat people and how to be in reciprocal relationships where there’s a give and take, then it can spread beyond your family, too."
Maybe an unpopular opinion, but ear piercings on kids just past the newborn stage.
I don’t agree with piercing babies ears either - why does a baby need earrings?? When the kid gets older and asks it’s fine but to me it’s just another thing you need to look after.
I know not everyone will agree with me on this, but parents buying their kid's vapes and other things at a young age.
Too many pets. Like...way too many to the point where they don't really take care of them.
YES!!! REMEMBER 15 or more cats or 15 or more dogs or a combination of dogs and cats that add up to 15 or more IS A Hoarding Case! Call animal control or 911!
Growing up with toxic parents is a difficult situation to be in. Children may feel neglected or that they can never do anything right, which in turn alters their sense of self-esteem and safety at home. It can even lead to dire consequences for their physical and mental health. If you recognize some of these toxic traits in your parents, thankfully, there are ways to cope with these behaviors.
It's helpful to focus on yourself and find supportive people who can help you move past these negative patterns and make your way forward. In more extreme cases, however, seeking professional help is important as it can guide you to better understand and process your emotions.
Making your kids take care of their siblings instead of them having a life.
Kids that smell like smoke because their parents smoke indoors.
It was my parents. Everybody hated when we came over because everything we'd touch would smell like cigarettes as well. Couldn't convince my parents to smoke outside of the home because "it's their house and they'll do as they please".
Same here. I must have stunk to high hell to others ... It was different times.
Babies in the background of twerking videos. It's just weird.
Setting healthy boundaries also helps us set clear expectations and limits of how others can treat us. "Parents don’t suddenly change and become nontoxic. You may have to distance yourself from them to heal and that can be a hard pill to swallow," Dr. Childs noted.
It may feel uncomfortable to create this emotional and physical space between you and your parents, but the psychologist explained this is precisely what you would do with any other toxic person in your life. "We have to let them know what’s appropriate and what’s not because boundaries will help you heal."
Parents that seem disinterested in their kids. They don't even necessarily have to be neglected (though they usually are). I just find it strange when I see kids very obviously trying to reach out to their parents or creating a bit of a scene in public and the parents are just like, "yeah, whatever" and go back on their phones.
And years later they are surprised that the kids do exactly the same.
Refusing to believe their kid can do wrong
my parents were opposite, they didnt thnk and still dont think i can do anything good
When the kids are sick and contagious, but the parent(s) want a night out, and don't tell their childcare provider their kids are sick.
When my son first started school, we kept him home any time he had a slightly raised temperature. The school actually called us in for a meeting to see what was going on. Turns out we were being over cautious. The school said to only keep him home if his temperature is over 38C and the thermometer goes amber.
"Parents are the most difficult boundaries because they gave birth to you, they know what buttons to push," she pointed out that setting limits with family members can seem almost impossible.
If that's the case, trying to talk to a trusted friend can help give you the necessary emotional support and motivation to stick to your new boundaries. "They will become upset but that means it’s working. If they can’t respect those boundaries, we have to love them from a distance. That allows us to be free from their toxicity," Dr. Childs concluded.
Young children whose teeth are already black and rotting from lack of care.
Children in dirty/smelly clothes - not from a child playing outside as kids do, but legitimately filthy, unwashed, clothes.
Kids running wild in public with no attempts to reign them in.
This might mean they come from an under-privileged family. It isn't very fair to jump to conclusions, you never know what they may be going through Edit: I do concur that basic hygiene is affordable, thank you everyone who pointed this out. :) I was suggesting that some of these scenarios aren't necessarily a sign of bad parenting
Alowing your children to become obese, its child abuse, simple as that. No reason a 12 year old should be 180lbs.
When I see a 5 year old in nothing but a diaper, and a pacifier to shut them up.
I’m not saying those are always indications of it. But when I show up to babysitting job. And there’s a clearly-to-old for a diaper kiddo greeting me. I’m probably going to meet some trashy parents
If I went to a babysitting job and saw a five year old with a diaper and a pacifier, my first thought would be that need to have a gentle conversation with the parents to find out why, as it's important to know so I can provide adequate care. I worked as a kindergarten teacher for a decade and the only five year olds I saw in diapers all had some form of disability.
Having a favorite child
Having one isn't a problem, treating them like one is. My just a little bit favourite will never know.
Cussing out their school-age kids, especially out in public.
Most especially while threatening bodily harm to them. I remember being in my car, ready to leave a store, and seeing a young father with his small children. When I heard him angrily threaten to “F**k you up” to one of his kids, I stuck around to be sure he didn’t lash out. If he had, I would’ve called 911, while calling him out (damn right I get involved when I see s**t like that—-I’m old, I look like everybody’s Mom, and I have no more f***s to give). Couple minutes later, he apologized to the child, and said he shouldn’t have said that. Granted, it was already said, but at least he apologized. I felt OK to leave then.
Babies with pierced ears
Thats normal on my surrounding. Me and my two sisters had our ears pierced as babies, our dad bought us golden earrings as a birth gift and we cherish them. He also bought us golden rings at our 18th birthdays. I dont see anything bad with babies And earrings
Sticking the kids in front of a tablet wherever they go rather than taking the time and effort to socialise them.
This! Fed up seeing 4 years old kid in strollers glued to mamma's phone
Naming their kids wacky names. I remember seeing quite a few of those at work. The weirdest one was Kwestyun. This is strange on two levels; first, why name your child question, and second, coming up with that spelling. They must have thought they were so f*****g clever. Damn!
There was a time in my country (early to mid-20th century) when names like "Tractor", "Telephone", "Napkin", "Gramophone" were actually considered cool and fashionable, due to being related to such amazing new inventions. During the communist era, you could also see people named "Barricade", "Brigadier" or "Progress." Poor kids...
Forcing your children to have political candidates signs/apparel in the child's room.
Not so long ago, while I was waiting at a red light, I saw a woman practically drag her two young daughters, holding both their hands in one hand because she was using the other to puff at them with a cigarette. She was also yelling at the two girls at a volume that made me shudder, because apparently they couldn't come quick enough with those shorter legs children happen to have.
Everything about that woman screamed trashy parent.
Sending their kids to school to be potty trained and taught manners.
It's happening where I live.
One thing I see too often, a parent holding a young kid and smoking at the same time. FFS
Coming from retail, barefoot children. Even the most questionable moms would put socks on their kids' feet, but the ones that would argue with staff or get physical over perceived offenses would have a kiddo with barefeet.
When I was a kid, my doctors told my parents to let me go barefoot whenever appropriate for allowing natural foot growth. I don't think this is a sign of a trashy parent bro
Hosting a party for her daughter's birthday so she can try to prey on her guy friends
Kids younger than about 10 walking around drinking a can of Mountain Dew
Parents who charge their kids rent.
Now see this one, if done reasonably and at an appropriate age, I don't disagree with. For instance if your 19-year-old decides to drop out of college in favour of a full-time job and remains living at home, yes, they should be expected to contribute. But if they don't have an actual means of income and the parents are just being tools, definitely not.
I hate these posts. Not bc it's not important to know this sh!t but because I become so frustrated and furious and all the negative text makes me want to punch someone in the gob. Sorry.
Yes, I wonder about the state of society when I read all these posts...
Load More Replies...I don't know if this is normal in America (WHY?), parents that give guns to their kids as gifts. I could be wrong when I saw this in popular media/shows, but then there are several of them in the news as well, when there were incidents. Guns ffs
We live on a farm/ranch where we occasionally have to use a rifle. Our kids learned at around seven how to safely handle a firearm and how extremely dangerous they are. They know how to use them and it’s just part of life here. People here hunt for their meat for the winter and guns are normal. When our rifles are not in use, we keep trigger locks on them.
Load More Replies...What is up with all these negative Am I the Arsehole and highly judgemental posts on BoredPanda lately? Where in the world did all of the art posts and cute,fuzzy animal posts go? This site really does baffle me at times.
Kids living in filthy houses. Fathers who do everything they can to keep from paying child support.
Yes, but not just fathers. Or all of each. How about lying in-laws and other jealous fucktard assholeviruses falsely reporting as well???
Load More Replies...I had my ears pierced at 5 months old. It’s a family tradition. You get your ears pierced, you get a set of your birthstones set into gold studs to wear. You get a matching gold baby ring, also with your birthstone set in. Personally I don’t find it to be “bad parenting”. It’s a tradition for some that dates back many generations.
Had to stop reading. Some hit too close to home. Why do I look at threads I know will trigger me 😖
Sometimes I doubt my mom skills, but posts like this always make me realize I'm not doing so bad after all
My mom pulled me out of school in third grade and I essentially grew up in a cult. It has screwed me over for years in the ways of education and job hunting. I have my own family now and my kids education and well being is a massive priority. Just because parents are idiots sometimes doesn't mean the kids won't figure it out and try to have a better life someday. Idiot parents just make it so much harder to get there. I would have rather have been beaten daily than to have my education and future opportunities taken from me. I also believe there are plenty of good parents out there who genuinely love their children and do the best they can.
"I would have rather been beaten daily than to have my education and future opportunities taken from me" is a pretty insensitive thing to say. It sounds like life was hard for you and that in turn made your future hard. BUT kids that are physically abused do not tend to do well in school and have very low self-esteem. This is not something that goes away as they get older, they also are presented with less opportunities and the added on mental trauma it caused.
Load More Replies...Parents who give their children smart phones under 16. They don't need unfiltered access to the world. NOTHING good happens on snapchat, instagram, tiktok, etc.
Really? My mom didn't give me a phone for social media, she gave me one for communication. I wasn't even allowed to have social media. Not everyones lives revolves around likes and follows.
Load More Replies...I hate these posts. Not bc it's not important to know this sh!t but because I become so frustrated and furious and all the negative text makes me want to punch someone in the gob. Sorry.
Yes, I wonder about the state of society when I read all these posts...
Load More Replies...I don't know if this is normal in America (WHY?), parents that give guns to their kids as gifts. I could be wrong when I saw this in popular media/shows, but then there are several of them in the news as well, when there were incidents. Guns ffs
We live on a farm/ranch where we occasionally have to use a rifle. Our kids learned at around seven how to safely handle a firearm and how extremely dangerous they are. They know how to use them and it’s just part of life here. People here hunt for their meat for the winter and guns are normal. When our rifles are not in use, we keep trigger locks on them.
Load More Replies...What is up with all these negative Am I the Arsehole and highly judgemental posts on BoredPanda lately? Where in the world did all of the art posts and cute,fuzzy animal posts go? This site really does baffle me at times.
Kids living in filthy houses. Fathers who do everything they can to keep from paying child support.
Yes, but not just fathers. Or all of each. How about lying in-laws and other jealous fucktard assholeviruses falsely reporting as well???
Load More Replies...I had my ears pierced at 5 months old. It’s a family tradition. You get your ears pierced, you get a set of your birthstones set into gold studs to wear. You get a matching gold baby ring, also with your birthstone set in. Personally I don’t find it to be “bad parenting”. It’s a tradition for some that dates back many generations.
Had to stop reading. Some hit too close to home. Why do I look at threads I know will trigger me 😖
Sometimes I doubt my mom skills, but posts like this always make me realize I'm not doing so bad after all
My mom pulled me out of school in third grade and I essentially grew up in a cult. It has screwed me over for years in the ways of education and job hunting. I have my own family now and my kids education and well being is a massive priority. Just because parents are idiots sometimes doesn't mean the kids won't figure it out and try to have a better life someday. Idiot parents just make it so much harder to get there. I would have rather have been beaten daily than to have my education and future opportunities taken from me. I also believe there are plenty of good parents out there who genuinely love their children and do the best they can.
"I would have rather been beaten daily than to have my education and future opportunities taken from me" is a pretty insensitive thing to say. It sounds like life was hard for you and that in turn made your future hard. BUT kids that are physically abused do not tend to do well in school and have very low self-esteem. This is not something that goes away as they get older, they also are presented with less opportunities and the added on mental trauma it caused.
Load More Replies...Parents who give their children smart phones under 16. They don't need unfiltered access to the world. NOTHING good happens on snapchat, instagram, tiktok, etc.
Really? My mom didn't give me a phone for social media, she gave me one for communication. I wasn't even allowed to have social media. Not everyones lives revolves around likes and follows.
Load More Replies...