Disheveled hair, coke bottle glasses, suspiciously off-white scrubs, and not a single grain of humor—do you still have this notion in your mind when thinking about scientists? Well, not only are they actually perfectly capable of combing their hair and washing their lab coats, but more often than not, they could blow you away with their clever jokes. You know, in reality, having the smarts relates closely to having a great sense of humor! Although their science jokes might be a bit nerdy, a bit kooky, or hardly understandable without some scientific background, they are nevertheless close to genius. Some of them cover the life achievements of famous scientists, others make subtle fun of Mendeleev’s table of elements and some are purely based on some rather suspicious sciency terms. A joke for everyone, really!
For instance, while helium is already inherently funny (just look at helium balloons… aren’t they just amazing and hilarious at the same time?) it’s still even more fun when there’s a clever pun or two attached to the name. Or how about Pavlov’s experiments—are you already salivating for a joke (ba-dum tss)? Let’s not forget such curiosities as minerals, the wondrous qualities of neutrons, or even mysterious parallel universes—how exciting is that!?
To awaken your inner scientist, or to gloat about just how smart you are for getting each of these jokes, scroll just a bit further down to see our list of hand-picked science jokes. We do not guarantee that you will be able to put your phone down after you’ve finished, since there are quite a few instances where helium is mentioned. Get it? Anyway, just have a go at these smart jokes, vote for the ones that you liked the best, and share this article with your friends, neighbors, and the girl you once met.
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Why don’t aliens visit our Solar System?
They read the reviews – just one star.
I was going to tell a joke about sodium, but Na.
A group of protesters in front of a physics lab:
“What do we want?”
“Time travel.”
“When do we want it?”
“Irrelevant.”
How much room do fungi need to grow?
As mushroom as possible.
What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?
One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
There are only bad science jokes left.
All the good ones argon.
Do you know the name Pavlov?
It rings a bell.
What does one tectonic plate say when it bumps into another?
“Sorry. My fault!”
How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
Are you kidding? That’s a hardware problem!
There’s a new theory on inertia, but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.
If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0.
What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium.
There are 10 kinds of people: those who understand binary and those who don’t.
Why did the bacteria fail the math test?
He thought multiplication was the same as division.
What does a subatomic duck say?
Quark.
They have just found the gene for shyness. They would have found it earlier, but it was hiding behind two other genes.
An infectious disease walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind here.”
It replies, “Well, you’re not a very good host.”
Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
He's 0K now.
I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
One mouse to another: “Look at that fellow with a white coat on. Whenever I push the paddle, he starts writing something!”
If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.
When the astronomy department found out their famous professor wouldn’t get the Nobel prize this year, they decided to hold a party for him anyway. They gave him a constellation prize.
Why didn’t the sun go to graduate school?
Because it already had a million degrees!
A physicist, while exiting the theater after seeing Star Wars, bumped into a fellow physicist.
Inspired by the movie, he blurted to his friend, “May the mass times acceleration be with you.”
A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. The bartender replies, “For you, no charge.”
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The engineer sees a glass two times too large.
What do you call a rude acid?
A meano-acid.
What did the proton say to the electron to start a fight?
I’m sick of your negativity.
What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?
Pull down its genes.
Why can you never trust atoms?
They make up everything!
What did the 30-degree angle say to the 90-degree angle?
You think you’re always right!
What do scientists get for bad breath?
Experi-mints!
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
Why is quantum mechanics is the original “original hipster”?
It described the universe before it was cool.
What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorus walked into his bar?
“OH SNaP!”
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because chickens didn’t exist yet!
What did the helpless T cell say when facing the infection?
Is there antibody out there?
Why did the nebula call in sick?
It had gas.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, they would be alloys!
What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?
He got charged with a salt and battery.
Why does no one like to talk to Pi at parties?
Because he goes on forever.
Einstein developed a theory about space — it was about time!
Rest in peace, boiling water, you will be mist.
What’s wrong with a joke involving cobalt, radon, and yttrium?
It’s CoRn Y.
Mercury is upset he is not as large as his neighbor planets.
It’s clearly a case of Venus envy.
Three statisticians go hunting for deer. They spot one off in the distance. The first one shoots about a meter too high; the second one, about a meter too low; the third one yells, “We got it!”
Even your average statistician understands that spread is an important measure. To say otherwise is very mean.
What's a geologist's favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
Why were the paleontologists kissing?
They were carbon dating.
“Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it’s not in cockroaches.” — A New York City tenant
What did one cell tell his sister cell when she stepped on his toe?
Ouch! That’s mitosis.
How did the thermometer insult the graduated cylinder?
She said, “You may have graduated, but I have more degrees.”
Why shouldn’t you make fun of a paleontologist?
Because you will get Jurasskicked.
Lol, it's probably because I'm sleep deprived but this one made me laugh
What did the receiver say to the radio wave?
“Ouch! That megahertz.”
What fruit contains barium and double sodium?
BaNaNa.
When a third-grader was asked to cite Newton’s first law, she said, “Bodies in motion remain in motion, and bodies at rest stay in bed unless their mothers call them to get up.”
What did the science book say to the math book?
You’ve got problems.
Math puns are the first sine of madness.
Two scientists walk into a bar.
“I’ll have an H2O,” says the first.
“I’ll have an H2O, too,” says the second.
The second scientist dies.
The cost of the space program is truly astronomical!
Yeah, they cut funding to study asteroid impacts on large moons because they had to titan their belt.
Why were the Romans so bad at algebra?
They always ended up with X equals 10.
Why were oxygen, hydrogen, and carbon wearing suits and ties?
They were a formyl group.
A photon checks into a hotel.
When asked if it needs a bellman, it responds, “No, I’m traveling light.”
Why did Werner Heisenberg detest driving cars?
Because every time he looked at the speedometer, he got lost!
I like how the person had to use the physicist's full name so Breaking Bad fans wouldn't get confused.
How many general-relativity theorists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate space.
What did the microbiology student get for being late to class?
A tardigrade.
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who visited 30 different countries and spoke six languages?
He was a man of many cultures.
Did you hear about the neutron who got arrested?
He got released without charge.
On the other hand, I'm almost positive that if the notorious electron finally gets captured, it won't have a negative impact
What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Indian Ocean?
“Try and be more PACIFIC!”
What did Benjamin Franklin write in his diary after discovering electricity?
“I’m shocked!”
Why did the hipster chemist get burned?
He touched the beaker before it was cool!
How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement.
What did the dog say to his owner?
“My favorite frequency is 50,000 hertz, but you’ve probably never heard of that.”
I don’t need a spine — it’s holding me back!
A molecule tells another: “A free-electron once stripped me of an electron after he lepton me. You gotta keep your ion them!”
What’s a physicist’s favorite snack?
Fig Newtons.
The chemistry student was spotted in a picket line carrying a sign that read "Free radicals now!"
What is blood’s message to the world?
B positive.
Unfortunately, the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Amoebas is shrinking.
Fortunately, none of the amoebas has lost any of their members.
Hand over the calculator; friends don’t let friends derive drunk.
An ion meets his atom friend on the street and says he’s lost an electron.
“Are you sure?” asks the atom.
The ion replies, “I’m positive.”
Many people ask me why I chose forensic medicine as a career, and I tell them that it is because a forensic man gets the honor of being called when the top doctors have failed!
What does the sign at the biology lab say?
“STAPH ONLY!”
Why do researchers look forward to Fridays?
They can wear genes to work.
A cloud of radon floats into a cafe. The waiter says, "we don't serve inert gases here". There was no reaction from the radon.
A sign outside the chemistry hotel reads, “Great Day Rates, Even Better NO3-‘s.”
Why do quantum physicists make bad pitchers?
Because when they find the position, they can’t find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can’t find the position
When my teacher asked me how much my brother knew about the orbits of planets and the amount of area swept in any given time, I responded "I'm not my brother's Kepler."
How does the nucleus text the ribosome?
With a cell-phone.
The puzzled astronomy student spent all night wondering where the Sun went... but then it dawned on him.
If you ask a Russian cosmonaut when is his favorite moment to snack, how does he answer?
“Launch time.”
Helium walks into a bar and asks for a drink.
The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve noble gases here.”
Helium doesn’t react.
Meteorology jokes aren’t funny because they are so predictable.
*facepalm* yeh, even our best supercomputers can't get good accuracy more than a week out. If you want predictable, find something that works within the confines of Newtonian Mechanics and has (substantially) fewer than several billion inputs that could change the outcome.
What is the element iron’s favorite movie?
Ferrous Bueller’s Day Off.
Did you hear about the industrialist who had a huge chloroform spill at his factory?
His business went insolvent.
What’s the difference between a mathematician and a forensic scientist?
A mathematician thinks that two points are enough to define a straight line while a forensic scientist wants more data.
At a party for functions, ex is at the bar looking despondent. The barman says: "Why don't you go and integrate?" To which ex replies: "It would not make any difference."
Where did the lightning bolt propose to his girlfriend?
Cloud nine.
How many forensic scientists does it take to change a light bulb?
It takes two — one to screw it in and one to check for fingerprints.
What did is a nuclear physicist’s favorite snack?
Fission chips.
What was the biologist wearing on his first date?
Designer jeans.
Missing my all time favorite nerd joke: What do you get if you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito? (Not a rappelling bloodsucker!) ... Nothing, you can't cross a scaler with a vector. Hey, look, you chose to scroll to the bottom. :P
Kinda related. My daughter loves animals. She walked into my room the other day and asked me blank faced....where do you take a sick horse. I said vet. She made the "buzzer for wrong" sound and said a horsepital. I almost pist my drink out laughing. She's only 7.
It's articles like this where I wish I could just upvote the entire thing with a single button to signify I want more posts like this.
There is a button like this at the end of every post right above the author's name
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These seem like jokes you'd see in elementary science or on big bang theory. They were good for a chuckle and u feel smart for getting the joke 🤣
Missing my all time favorite nerd joke: What do you get if you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito? (Not a rappelling bloodsucker!) ... Nothing, you can't cross a scaler with a vector. Hey, look, you chose to scroll to the bottom. :P
Kinda related. My daughter loves animals. She walked into my room the other day and asked me blank faced....where do you take a sick horse. I said vet. She made the "buzzer for wrong" sound and said a horsepital. I almost pist my drink out laughing. She's only 7.
It's articles like this where I wish I could just upvote the entire thing with a single button to signify I want more posts like this.
There is a button like this at the end of every post right above the author's name
Load More Replies... These seem like jokes you'd see in elementary science or on big bang theory. They were good for a chuckle and u feel smart for getting the joke 🤣
