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You know we’ve hit peak absurdity when Onion headlines barely register as satire anymore. These days, they read more like sobering journalism compared to the relentless chaos real life keeps throwing our way.
For proof, look no further than the Instagram account Not The Onion. It’s a nonstop feed of news stories so bizarre you’ll wish they were fake. Check them out below—we’re still not sure if they’re meant to make you laugh or cry.
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“Study Reveals: Babies Are Stupid.” “World Death Rate Holding Steady At 100 Percent.” “CIA Realizes It’s Been Using Black Highlighters All These Years.”
There’s no mistaking an Onion headline; these are classics. Except, of course, for those moments when reality decides to cosplay them a little too well.
At this point, The Onion has become such a cultural touchstone that we often compare real life to The Onion, not the other way around.
So how did this satirical powerhouse earn its place as the ultimate benchmark for absurdity? How did a media outlet named after a layered vegetable end up producing one-liners everyone recognizes instantly?
Given how on-point they are with modern humor, you might assume The Onion popped up in the early 2000s.
But the story actually begins in 1988, when University of Wisconsin–Madison students Tim Keck and Christopher Johnson decided to launch a weekly print newspaper for satirical news—yes, The Onion.
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Keck had a newsroom pedigree: both his parents worked for The Hammond Times, and he’d already teamed up with cartoonist James Sturm to sell monthly calendars featuring Daily Cardinal comic characters.
The idea for a full-on satirical paper came from The Daily Cardinal’s annual April Fools’ parody issue.
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As for the name? The stories vary.
Keck says it came from eating a lot of onion sandwiches. Early contributor Scott Dikkers claims it was “newspaper slang in the 1930s for a juicy, multi-layered story.” Editor Cole Bolton insists it was poking fun at a nearby campus bulletin called The Union.
Take your pick, it’s all delightfully ridiculous.
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By 1989, Keck and Johnson sold the paper to Dikkers, along with advertising manager Peter Haise and typesetter Jonnie Wilder, for $16,000.
Dikkers went on to serve as The Onion’s longest-running editor-in-chief, from 1988–1999 and again from 2005–2008.
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Geoffrey Scott 4 months ago
IMO, they could do with Jon Stewarrt writing their platform arguments. He is the master of highlighting hypocricy.
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Johnnynatfan 4 months ago
I see nothing wrong with this. You cant fight fascism by being nice.
Beak Hookage 4 months ago
No-one ever stopped tyranny and oppression by asking nicely, and any Democrat who still thinks a strongly-worded letter is going to make a blind bit of difference is either a fool or a coward. Probably both.
BeesEelsAndPups 4 months ago
Looking at you Sen. Schumer and Rep. Jeffries
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Ann Kapoxeet 4 months ago
How about any politician who remembers the reason we have 3 branches of government? We need someone who can emphatically educate Americans on how checks and balances work.
Snazzy Smurf 4 months ago
Come on now, you know those are just suggestions. /s
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TotallyNOTAFox 4 months ago (edited)
Or maybe focus on topics that are actually important for the people and not purely based on ideology and Social Media trends? Voters look for solutions to their problems, failing to provide them leads to idiots like Trump getting into office by promising those (regardless of ability to deliver them)
michael Chock 4 months ago
They're afraid that defending democracy might come across as confrontational
Rosecrucian Roeth 4 months ago
Actually, I'd like them to be more adult and say things that are meaningful, and say them out loud too!
CartoonCasey 4 months ago
At least use foul language. In fact, if they are so eager to go backwards in time, bring back duels and fist fights in congress. They already brought in the confederacy. And nullified the ability to do anything legally about it. So punching them is well within the realm of good taste.
Peter Bear 4 months ago
Agreed. Being nice doesn't work in politics and never has. You can't win unless you can beat the other guy at their own game. So... be mean and vicious. Cheat. Get back in power... and then do better with it.
UKGrandad 4 months ago
Hillary got it wrong when she said 'When they go low, we'll go higher'. When dealing with Trump & Co, when they go low, kick 'em in the head - metaphorically, of course.
Beak Hookage 4 months ago
I'm completely fine with literally. It's not as if they've got any braincells left to lose.
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Lady Chelsea (LadyChelseaoftheVoid) 4 months ago
f*ck decorum, I want some slapfights in Congress!
Dan St John 4 months ago
If democrats don't grow a pair, they will keep losing to MAGA fascism, ignorance and hate.
David 4 months ago
first find compentent and people more likelable than Trump for the majority of the country first for leadership positions
UKGrandad 4 months ago
According to the Worldometers website the world population is currently 8,237,968,065. That's 8,237,968,064 people more likeable than Trump.
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Nix 3 months ago
More then a little. I'm tired of the "work together" and "reach across the isle" narrative when it comes to republicans. They hate us and don't represent us in the least. I don't want to work with fascists and I'm sick of politicians who compromise with their bigotry asking for my vote. Throw them out entirely. Tell them no. Stop coddling their feelings and bowing to their theocratic b******t.
Margaret H 3 months ago
It takes a lot to make a mortally polite Minnesotan ask for people to be meaner.
Vicki Perizzolo 3 months ago
he wasn't wrong and he still isn't - we're playing nice & polite like the other side isn't playing with marked cards and glowstick brainwurms
SchadenFreudian Psychology 4 months ago
I’ve been angry at Democrats for years, because they’re such feeble pvssies who won’t FIGHT for us. “A little meaner”? I think the Dems should go scorched earth on Republicans.
Over time, the writers realized traditional news practically begged to be parodied, with its stiff language, rigid tone, and a self-seriousness that made jokes land even harder.
Dikkers summed it up best: “In a world that seems to make less and less sense, as time goes on, it made sense that the ‘newspaper of record’ should also not make sense.”
The Onion, he explained, was born to publish “fake articles, fake reports, and overall outright, damnable lies” because, in a “post-truth world,” fake news sometimes feels like the only thing that makes sense.
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Motivated sloth 4 months ago
They all know they’ll be scapegoats when hegseth inevitably screws up.
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Floeckchen 4 months ago
"I don't want it but I am not brave enough to take the repressions from not wanting it..."
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Tiggy Darling 4 months ago
"123456"? That's the kind of thing an idiot would have on his luggage!
Funnily enough, even The Onion’s own “About Us” page refuses to play it straight.
Instead of a typical mission statement, you get a gloriously over-the-top, tongue-in-cheek manifesto. If you didn’t know what publication you’d stumbled onto, or, say, had no idea how many people actually live on Earth, you might almost believe it.
“The Onion is the world’s leading news publication, offering highly acclaimed, universally revered coverage of breaking national, international, and local news events,” it declares.
“Rising from its humble beginnings as a print newspaper in 1756, The Onion now enjoys a daily readership of 4.3 trillion and has grown into the single most powerful and influential organization in human history.”
Clearly, not bad for a paper that predates the United States and claims a very impressive audience—though, to be fair, that figure probably counts ghosts, aliens, time travelers, and the occasional sentient toaster
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Verena 4 months ago
The US want Dutch ( = produced in the Netherlands) steel, because of the quality US factories cannot produce. Sorry, you said we should arm ourselves, so no steel for you anymore. And IF there are leftovers, the US shot themselves in the foot by making it more expensive for them.
Ironically, the real news soon became so bizarre that even Dikkers struggled to distinguish Onion headlines from actual ones.
Meanwhile, as traditional newspapers folded, he suspected some outlets were borrowing The Onion’s formula. After all, more comedy meant more readers:
“I thought I was doing it as a joke. I wasn’t trying to influence the whole world of journalism,” said Dikkers.
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Gertrude VonSpitzbart 4 months ago
Ah, "Home of the Free" and bastion of "Free Speech". What a crock of s**t. "None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free" - von Goethe
And then in 1996, The Onion launched online, allowing its satirical headlines to reach far beyond Wisconsin and spread across the globe, to readers like me.
Now, decades later, we scroll through real headlines that sound just as ridiculous and can’t help but ask: how did we get here?
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Floeckchen 4 months ago
Butt implants are incredible dangerous in general. Even when done professionally
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Beak Hookage 4 months ago
It's just mind-blowing how much he hates us. What the hell did we ever do to him or anyone else? Oh right, we're disabled and therefore a worthless burden on society. Silly me.
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Littlemiss 4 months ago
It was the child's nickname that they had been known by for years. It wasn't just a school thing, the child's family called him by the nickname too.
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Ty Stratton-Quirk 4 months ago
Of course! You can't have A1 without steak, and steak is expensive.
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Tiggy Darling 4 months ago
Hawaii, Michigan? There's a bit of optimistic rebranding to attract visitors!
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For All Pedernity 4 months ago
Yeah, just look at that pic, Israel is obviously going out of their way to spare civilians.
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Floeckchen 4 months ago (edited)
sooo... in short he wants them to consider "alternative facts"?! ... in science?!
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Beak Hookage 4 months ago
I just love being referred to like I and others like me are some kind of hideous disease sweeping the land. I mean who wouldn't be flattered. Also, this guy just LOOKS evil, straight up. Look at those cold, mean, piggy little eyes.
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michael Chock 4 months ago
It is good news. They can use their hoarded gold to buy American assets on the cheap. Economy always dips during Republican leadership and they are all incredibly wealthy
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Verena 4 months ago
Twice? The fear sits deep ... at the US side. There is no panic here. Europe is not a monoculture, we have solid climate zones that allow growing everything we need. Our industry can produce everything we need. We have our first-hand-energy sourcing going well. Ruining landscapes for digging up and processing resources to make them fit to produce electricity is outdated. We will find other countries to export our goods too. The US imported so much of ozr goid quality stuff that an "imbalance" was the result. The other way round, the US simply does not have anything important, healthy or safe enough to sell to us.
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Multa Nocte 4 months ago
Rich White House appointees and rich Congresspeople need to be told having fewer kickbacks from private donors and lobbyists is a good thing.
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Beak Hookage 4 months ago
I still can't believe they actually called it that. I mean good god.
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Beak Hookage 4 months ago
"He's just trying to get a reaction out of you! If you ignore him he'll stop". My mum advising me on dealing with a bully at school when I was seven.
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Austzn 4 months ago
If you want to start crushing the cartels we have to stop the iron river. Their weapons come from the US! Mexico almost got a lawsuit over this but no, thank you current US supreme court. I used to work with a guy who said his job in the cartel was to steal or acquire "somehow" firearms in the US and then smuggle them across into Mexico.
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Geoffrey Scott 4 months ago
Given the current cratering of the Florida condo market, this is no surprise.
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Multa Nocte 4 months ago (edited)
They need to, because as the sign in the accompanying photo says, "Fuck Trump."
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Multa Nocte 4 months ago
Luckily, as there is so little intelligence to be found at the White House, Congress immediately sighed a breath of relief.
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What do you think ?
Verena 4 months ago
99% US stuff. Did not understand everything, but it seems that the rest of the world is a generally intelligent place, even though some motives are not ok.
Rali Meyer 4 months ago
We all know that the US has many intelligent people. Where are they?
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Michael P (Perthaussieguy) 4 months ago
It saddens me to think that so many of these ignorant and stupid decisions made by US lawmakers will have repercussions for many years down the tracks and probably won't affect them personally anyway.
Uncle Schmickle 3 months ago
What a load of BS ! The only thing I learned from all these headlines, was that I'm so thankful I don't live in the USA.
TheReader19 3 months ago
What the he'll is going on in America? Every conspiracy theory/dystopia book is coming true there; right about now. I'm truly scared for you.
Pseudonym For An Author 4 months ago
Why was this article under funny? Nothing about his was funny
David Morgan 4 months ago
In between entry 21 and 22, the writer talks about The Onion - unfortuately, they accidentally missed the Onion claiming 4.3 trillion readers. The writer said that's half a trillion more readers than people. No, a trillion is a thousand billion, and the Earth has about 7ish billion people on it, so the numbers are just totally wrong even if you knock off several zeroes.
Oleksandra Kyryliuk 4 months ago (edited)
Good catch! I was aiming for Onion-level sarcasm but looks like I didn’t quite stick the landing :) It should read better now
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Verena 4 months ago
99% US stuff. Did not understand everything, but it seems that the rest of the world is a generally intelligent place, even though some motives are not ok.
Rali Meyer 4 months ago
We all know that the US has many intelligent people. Where are they?
Load More Replies... Michael P (Perthaussieguy) 4 months ago
It saddens me to think that so many of these ignorant and stupid decisions made by US lawmakers will have repercussions for many years down the tracks and probably won't affect them personally anyway.
Uncle Schmickle 3 months ago
What a load of BS ! The only thing I learned from all these headlines, was that I'm so thankful I don't live in the USA.
TheReader19 3 months ago
What the he'll is going on in America? Every conspiracy theory/dystopia book is coming true there; right about now. I'm truly scared for you.
Pseudonym For An Author 4 months ago
Why was this article under funny? Nothing about his was funny
David Morgan 4 months ago
In between entry 21 and 22, the writer talks about The Onion - unfortuately, they accidentally missed the Onion claiming 4.3 trillion readers. The writer said that's half a trillion more readers than people. No, a trillion is a thousand billion, and the Earth has about 7ish billion people on it, so the numbers are just totally wrong even if you knock off several zeroes.
Oleksandra Kyryliuk 4 months ago (edited)
Good catch! I was aiming for Onion-level sarcasm but looks like I didn’t quite stick the landing :) It should read better now
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