ADVERTISEMENT

Political jokes are either a big no or a huge yes in a group of friends. However, we’ve all laughed at least once with political puns and good satirical lines about voting, elections, liberal jokes, or other political aspects like capitalism, for instance. We bet that silly (to some) beliefs, puns on parties, and satirical dramedies on presidents will never get boring or old. 

Even if you deem yourself firmly apolitical, these hilarious jokes just might crack you up, too. Undoubtedly, you have your own brilliant thoughts on the topic as well. We would love to read your thoughts in the comments and don’t forget to vote for your favorite jokes and share them with your friends.

#1

30 Of The Most Amusing Political Jokes The Internet Has To Offer Congressman should wear uniforms like NASCAR drivers so we can identify their corporate sponsors.

Report

Oerff On Tour
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The funny thing is, some companies would appear on suits on BOTH sides of the isle, where as others would be sponsored by corporate enemies like Coca-Cola AND Pepsi

Demi Coro
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Our politicians should not be owned by companies. It should be illegal.

María Hermida
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Key word: should. That's not what happens in real life, though.

Load More Replies...
mark beatty
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I should try putting who said this. This was Robin Williams

Oerff On Tour
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In my country there is a law that states that after petition is signed by a minimum of 40,000 people, congress HAS TO address the issue. Why don't you start a petition nationwide to make it a law?

María Hermida
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What country are you from? It's great, but that law does not exist in my country. Even if it existed, those m***********s would find a way to escape all control. Nobody bites the hand that feeds them.

Load More Replies...
Pamacious
Community Member
1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not a joke, they really should

View more comments
RELATED:
    #2

    A woman in a hot-air balloon is lost, so she shouts to a man below, "Excuse me. I promised a friend I would meet him, but I don't know where I am." "You're at 31 degrees, 14.57 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude," he replies. "You must be a Democrat." "I am. How did you know?" "Because everything you told me is technically correct, but the information is useless, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've been no help." "You must be a Republican." "Yes. How did you know?" "You've risen to where you are due to a lot of hot air, you made a promise you couldn't keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."

    Report

    Vicky Z
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Let's keep this #1 because it's brilliant

    Troux
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've heard this before except it was an engineer and a marketer/manager/salesman.

    Jerry
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The political assumptions about the parties here aren't exactly accurate. Plenty of Dems give false/incorrect information, make promises they cannot keep (a ton), and many expect others to solve their problems (talking about voters on this last one).

    L
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    it's a pretty broad stereotype for both parties for sure

    Load More Replies...
    Daniel Marsh
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Seriously? This attempt to pigeonhole a joke (about marketing vs engineering) into a political one is just so f*****g lame.

    Guy MacGregor
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    That incomprehensible

    View more comments
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #3

    The EU now has 1 GB of free space.

    Report

    De Gueb
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And the brexiters stll don't understand what they have done.

    Wilf
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Speaking as someone from the UK, ouch!

    Fred the rat king
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    This comment has been deleted.

    #4

    People who want to share their religious or political views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

    Report

    Stefan
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So what ? They can share their views, as long as they don't impose them to you.

    Orange Is Aging
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They want you to know everything there is to know about Christianity, but they don’t wanna hear crap about Hinduism

    Jerry
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Most Christians are actually really quiet about their beliefs. There would be a lot more of them if they were all as vocal as they are made out to be by the stereotypes.

    Load More Replies...
    New Everywhere
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nope. They don't want to hear your views. "I just told you what to think/feel so why are you talking about something else"

    Jerome Pellar
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I finally figured out the adage that when you meet people do not discuss religion or politics. "WE do not want to hear about your Christian Religion!!! WE do not want to hear about your Christian politics!!! But YOU......YOU will hear OUR anti- American Politics, OUR anti Christian religious views and OUR immoral Ideals... IN every Newspaper, in every book, in every movie and in every television show!!!"

    Brad Ledford
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's kinda hard when u have alternate facts that the Republicans made up,. Allah Kellyann Conway the nut job wacko who's husband had a Church that could pray the GAY away.

    Andrew Keir
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Thus the comment "We need to talk" actually means "I want to talk, and I want you to listen".

    View more comments
    #5

    30 Of The Most Amusing Political Jokes The Internet Has To Offer “Because it would be hilarious,” is probably not a good reason to elect someone to be president.

    Report

    Vicky Z
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I personally like the one that says "you elected a tv reality presenter for your president and now you are on survivor!"

    Lunar Rat
    Community Member
    4 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think this is the only reason people may have voted for Boris as PM because it's completely baffling.

    Stefan
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And still, look what happened here and there...

    Andrew Keir
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But if you train someone for many years to do the job, apparently that's undemocratic. And, also, bad, apparently. Douglas Adams had a comment on this - "anyone who succeeds in getting themselves elected should on no account be allowed to do the job".

    Daniel Marsh
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I just wrote, "Seriously? This attempt to pigeonhole a joke (about marketing vs engineering) into a political one is just so f*****g lame." THIS, however, works.

    Kaleb
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Terminator Governor comes to mind

    Richard Newell
    Community Member
    3 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Give me the mean tweets over this disastrous monstrosity of a presidency we know have.

    Layne Rodgers
    Community Member
    3 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    This comment has been deleted.

    View more comments
    ADVERTISEMENT

    The Origins of Political Jokes

    ADVERTISEMENT

    Politics - from Greek: Πολιτικά, politiká, ‘affairs of the cities’ - is something that you resonate with, heartily hate, or are partially indifferent to. It’s also the biggest no-no topic at dinner parties, together with religion, sexual orientation, and anything about vaccines (also, maybe your dog’s flatulence patterns). Yet, despite being such a persona non grata topic during casual meets, it nonetheless is the number one fodder for jokes. Political satire spices up these puns. Satiric lines make someone (a politician in this case) or something (political events) look ridiculous to the audience and feel so absurd that they cause laughter and embarrassment.

    You might find it true to believe, but the first political puns date back as history jokes in the Soviet Union under the brutal dictatorship of Stalin. The fate of Boris Orman, who worked at a bakery, provides a typical example. In mid-1937, Boris Orman shared an anecdote (political joke) with a coworker in the bakery cafeteria. It led to 10 years of prison because it was said out loud. However, cracking jokes in whisper mode around family tables were the ones that lighted up the spirits of citizens in those dark times.

    In the 1980s, even the president of the US, Ronald Reagan, couldn’t resist the old Soviet political jokes. He liked them so much that he had a secret stash of political puns hidden in the Oval Office.

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #6

    How did we know communism was doomed from the beginning? All the red flags.

    Report

    Stefan
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We should keep those red flags visible, as a warning not to do it again.

    Jerome Pellar
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    WE beat the National Socialists (NAZIS), WE beat the world Communists in Russia, Now we are being destroyed by the Capitalist TORIES in the District of Columbia!!!

    #7

    30 Of The Most Amusing Political Jokes The Internet Has To Offer America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.

    Report

    Guy MacGregor
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Funny, since they don't even have democracy.

    Jerry Peters
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    We were set up as a republic. Democracy is mob rule.

    Load More Replies...
    Kona Pake
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How can a person vote when the only polling station is 30 miles away and has a line of voters waiting to vote, five hours long.

    Orillion
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And is only open during business hours, and leaving to vote could cost your job.

    Load More Replies...
    ZAPanda
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They don't cross the ocean to fight for democracy - well, not since 1945. Since then it has been to fight for oil and strategic control of the planet's surface.

    Mary Gibson
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We were founded as a Republic at the beginning of our nation! What happened?

    MIR
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Cross the street? They can’t even get their fat a*s off the couch.

    Irfan Roslan
    Community Member
    2 years ago

    This comment has been deleted.

    catmom3
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Of all the things that are bad about the US, this one takes the cake.

    Adele Vries
    Community Member
    2 years ago

    This comment has been deleted.

    Brad Ledford
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'll co-sign that and it irks the heck out of me. My neighbor 30 years old 2 kids and could care less about politics. It's a damn shame.

    Ace Girl
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    With all the voter restrictions being pass they CAN'T cross the street to vote.

    View more comments
    #8

    Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

    Report

    Printerman
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I mean, if we're being honest, politics has that too, but worse.

    Load More Replies...
    Kona Pake
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Because 300 million people would rather look at 50 women’s legs than the butts of 50 politician.

    Daniel Marsh
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You want the real answer? There were ten candidates who could've won the 2020 election. The problem is that elections are decided in most states by plurality; there are no run-offs and no power-sharing. That means that the minor candidate will do more harm to the major-party candidate who has the most similar positions on issues. So the people who like a major candidate for a stand on a given issue find minor candidates with the same position as making their candidate likely to lose, a threat rather than an ally.

    Phil
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Which is why originally the vice-president was the candidate who got the second most votes.

    Load More Replies...
    Guy Incognito
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well technically we have plenty of other candidates to choose from but you would be better off betting on the cubs winning the world series.

    Brad Ledford
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Because I would rather look at 50 pretty women(hopefully)

    Eric Steward
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Because OP apparently doesn't know how primaries work.

    ZAPanda
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Because you only have two parties which is ridiculous?

    Daniel (ShadowDrakken)
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We technically don't, most years have a dozen or more candidates. But because of our first past the post voting system all the extras get polarized right out.

    View more comments
    ADVERTISEMENT
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #9

    If con is the opposite of pro, then isn’t Congress the opposite of progress?

    Report

    Joel Hopkins
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I believe this is a Samuel Clemens quote, I believe the original quote was "If progress means to move forward, then what does Congress mean?"

    OG
    Community Member
    7 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It was a Nipsey Russell quote.

    Load More Replies...
    Jerry Mathers
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Maybe we should just call em Republicons then.

    Lotekguy
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For more than one reason.

    Load More Replies...
    Jerome Pellar
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Remember..... the people of the District of Columbia get a cut of every dollar Congress spends....One reason they HATE President Trump!

    Joseph Ang
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Cancer is progressive.

    #10

    Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship. As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!” George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!” Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?

    Report

    Kaleb
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's so funny and sad that we can all picture this

    Scipio Africanus
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’ve heard this but with priests in a school burning down

    Joanie
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Clinton was Governor in my state before being elected President. For years his antics were well known. I like to think, if he were in office today, his mistreatment of young women would not be tolerated. He flew high in Epstein's circle, so who knows? Money buys silence and protection.

    Vicky Z
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can totally picture that happening

    We Love Political Jokes for 2 Reasons

    Now, the question here is why we need funny political jokes. Well, we’re no political scientists, but from what our team has gathered, we, the humans of the Earth, tend to make jokes about any Big Thing that takes considerable space in our lives. We do so (willingly or not) just to make it feel more relatable. Based on this, our need to taunt politicians is a way to make them seem less pompous and closer to our reality. 

    ADVERTISEMENT

    The other reason for making political jokes might be to spill the bitterness accumulated for various reasons on someone we don’t know personally. Politician jokes are a funny way to show our disagreement with their decisions and speeches.

    #11

    The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired you still have to show up the next day.

    Report

    Vicky Z
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    People get fired there? It's a public service in my country they never get fired no matter how useless they are

    #12

    30 Of The Most Amusing Political Jokes The Internet Has To Offer The NSA: a government organization that actually listens to you!

    Report

    ZAPanda
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have a joke now that whenever I go onto a voice protocol that's part of Prism I just say "Hi Mr CIA dude hope you enjoy listening in."

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #13

    I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

    Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #14

    Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

    Report

    Kai David
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Its a thin line between a convict and a politician

    Cami Forsell
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That same thin line separates criminals and policemen -supposedly

    James Pasquini
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I like this one: Me: My BIL ran for Congress last year. Friend: That's great, what does he do? Me: Nothing, he got elected.

    Fred the rat king
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I dont get this one can someone explain

    View more comments
    #15

    A Scotsman who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by an Englishman. The Scotsman got out of the car to apologize and offered the Englishman a drink from a bottle of whisky. The Englishman was glad to have a drink. "Go on," said the Scot, "have another drink." The Englishman drank gratefully. "But don't you want one, too?" he asked the Scotsman. "Perhaps," replied the Scotsman, "after the police have gone."

    Report

    Bad Mole
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I heard that before as a lawyer giving a drink to the doctor.

    Neon
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Couple of friends drunk on bikes... Got stopped by police and after i blow too much "Eh, now it doesnt matter.." so i pull out another bottle, do few sips and offer to a friend... He already has a gulp in his mouth when he realizes that he didnt blow yet... Even the cops laughed when we waited like 20 minutes and a lot of rinsing so he could pass the test! (He did) :) :)

    #16

    The Olympics remind us that no matter what country we may be from, we all look dumb using an iPad as a camera.

    Report

    Stefan
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not only during the Olympics !

    Kay blue
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's just more obvious during the Olympics.

    Load More Replies...
    ADVERTISEMENT
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #17

    They should build the wall with Hillary's emails because nobody can get over them.

    Report

    JSC
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ok it needs to be said, America get your s**t together, I don’t mean North America, ,I know how that confuses you. Let me be clearer: US get our s**t together

    Richard Newell
    Community Member
    3 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    If any of us did what Hillary did we would be in jail. The Clinton machine is still strong.

    ZAPanda
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    if any of us publicly confessed to sexually molesting women; publicly threatened to shoot someone on 5th avenue; committed corruption by using taxpayer money to ensure government conferences went to my hotels; committed nepotism in government by appointing direct family as staff; was so incompetent as to allow 800 000 fellow countrymen to die of a preventable disease and actively spread false information about it diminishing its danger; actively tried to solicit support from a dictator and his hackers; and incited a crowd of idiots to commit treason, insurrection and public violence, we'd be arrested. That's proof that you just need to be a famous white man to do whatever the f**k you want in usa.

    Load More Replies...
    View more comments
    #18

    30 Of The Most Amusing Political Jokes The Internet Has To Offer I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it’s Election night.

    Report

    View more comments
    #19

    30 Of The Most Amusing Political Jokes The Internet Has To Offer Kid: Dad, I want to be in politics when I grow up. Dad: Are you insane? Have you completely lost your mind? Are you a moron? Kid: Forget it. There seems to be too many requirements.

    Report

    Christina Keenan
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Actually those seem to be just the right requirements lately, especially for idiots who have never run anything else in their lives

    Michael Kraus
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Dad when I grow up to be a man I wanna be a DEMOCRAT. Well son you can only be one of them .

    Ace Girl
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This actually happened to me in elementary school! I came home repeating info I heard from a classmate about a presidential candidate and my Dad LOST his mind. I was like 9! I haven't talked to him about politics or anything else that really mattered to me since.

    ZAPanda
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    well now you can, welcome to BP where moronic republicans are a minimum.

    Load More Replies...
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #20

    What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100? Your Honor. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Senator.

    Report

    ZAPanda
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    hmm. As I understand it you need an IQ of 70 to talk, so let's be fair, 70. To get to be a judge you need to get past undergrad and my understanding of university is you need 110 to get in, and 130-odd to get a higher degree. Just saying.

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #21

    Whats the difference between a politician and a snail? One is slimy, a pest, and leaves a trail everywhere and the other is a snail.

    Report

    François Carré
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And if there are too many snails in your garden and you're starving, you can eat them at least. You don't even have this solution with politicians.

    Kona Pake
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Where does a slime come from?

    Stardrop
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    their vile mouths and improperly wiped arses

    Load More Replies...
    #22

    Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.

    Report

    Kona Pake
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    While receiving an outrageous salary and paying for an enormously large contract with public money.

    Destiney Haddox
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If I'm misapplying the wrong remedies than it won't matter because I've "misapplied" so have done it wrong. Should be "applying the wrong remedies".

    Jerome Pellar
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lawyers, Judges, and Politicians make money from Problems. They lose money on Solutions. Another reason THEY hate President Trump!

    D Gibson
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Misapplying the wrong remedies which enrich the original idiot only.

    François Carré
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Now it's even more sophisticated, you come up with a twisted vision of the country's issues that you massively advertise until people are completely brainwashed, boast your own shitty solutions which quite often involves designing some scapegoats, get elected, enforce said solutions, create more problems, then beg electors for a second mandate because positive effects take time to unfold and a country doesn't change leaders in the middle of the battle.

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #23

    After numerous rounds of, "We don't know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send Ted Kennedy a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Kennedy opened the letter which appeared to contain a single line of coded message, 370HSSV-0773H. Kennedy was baffled, so he e-mailed it to John Kerry. Kerry and his aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. Noone could solve it at the FBI, so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning, the FBI finally asked Marine Corps Intelligence for help. Within a few seconds the Marine Corps cabled back with this reply, "Tell Kennedy he's holding the message upside down."

    Report

    ZAPanda
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    anyone who had been 8 years old and had an old digital calculator would read that instantly.

    gilded panda
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And instead of typing that would have done 8008315 or however you type it. (People with old calculators know what I’m probably failing to type)

    Load More Replies...
    Natasha
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My cousin who is currently in the Marines would love this! Totally sending it to them

    #24

    30 Of The Most Amusing Political Jokes The Internet Has To Offer Politics is the most accurate word in the English language. Poly = many. Ticks = blood sucking parasites.

    Report

    Guy MacGregor
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Except it's not an English word, but a Greek one (yeah, I'm fun at parties)

    Concept-Peter Roosdorp
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You mean that it has a greek root, the word itself is english. (yeah, also fun at parties)

    Load More Replies...
    View more comments
    ADVERTISEMENT
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #25

    Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.

    Report

    Vicky Z
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would totally change the locks of the white house after the orange turd

    gilded panda
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Reminds me of a comedians joke. “The anniversary of when they gave me the keys to the city! And tomorrows the aniiversary of the day they changed all the locks in the city!”

    #26

    30 Of The Most Amusing Political Jokes The Internet Has To Offer What's the difference between baseball and politics? In baseball you're out if you're caught stealing.

    Report

    Dav Carro-Ripalda
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It looks like is the exact same s**t in every country.

    Kate
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    .... That's... not how baseball works....

    Andy Frobig
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How is a runner not out if he's caught stealing? If he's safe, he wasn't caught.

    Load More Replies...
    #27

    Why can't Trump go to White house anymore? It's FOR BIDEN.

    Report

    Kona Pake
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He can’t catch a ride in Air Force One anymore.

    Hunter
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Back to trump force one, then. Oh, wait, he couldn't afford to maintain it.

    Load More Replies...
    Max Mackton
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh, yea. Not a joke about Biden. What a biased site this is.

    Phil
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think it's terrible that someone is forcing you to come here.

    Load More Replies...
    Joran Quinten
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "For Biden Carl!" - Rick Grimes' voice

    Jerome Pellar
    Community Member
    2 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    All hail King Biden!!! Presidents are elected by the people. Kings are installed by their peers.

    Rita Gilbert
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    bruh have u seen the posts on this site. IDK if u fit in

    Load More Replies...
    View more comments
    #28

    Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.

    Report

    Ace Girl
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    true! These jokes actually make me feel better. It's effed everywhere, not just my country, lol

    ADVERTISEMENT
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #29

    War doesn't determine who's right, only who is left.

    Report

    #30

    Why is England the wettest country? Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there.

    Report

    ZAPanda
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There's a similar one that goes like this. Why is Liz like the english weather? Because she reigns and reigns and never lets the son shine.

    Rattus Norvegicus
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    there's been 61 of them since 800ish. for some reason that number seems a little low.

    T. D. Bostick
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    12 centuries, about 5 per century...nope, just about right.

    Load More Replies...
    Ryan Deschanel
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Yeah... Just like many other countries.

    May
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You're arguing with a dad joke..

    Load More Replies...
    #31

    My friend’s husband, responsible for the overall closing of a military base, was reviewing voluminous files. He found some old records that were of no possible value and sent a letter to Washington requesting permission to destroy them. The reply he received read as follows: “Permission is given to destroy the records, but please make triplicate copies of them first.”

    Report

    New Everywhere
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    This comment has been deleted.

    Richard Newell
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited)

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Unless you are Hillary Clinton, who was able to destroy all the files she wanted in any manner she wanted even after a court had ordered her to preserve all data.

    Mazer
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don’t believe all the propaganda you are being spoon fed

    Load More Replies...
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #32

    When asked if they would have sex with Bill Clinton, 86% of women in D.C. said, "Not again."

    Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #33

    Sadly, no one is safe from receiving the dreaded pink slip. Recently, a job application came across my desk at the federal personnel office in Washington, D.C. It was written on a standard form, which includes the question “Why did you leave your previous employment?” The applicant, a former U.S. Congressman, responded, “The express wish of 116,000 voters.”

    Report

    #34

    I once met an honest, caring, politician that listened when I spoke and tried to help the country. Then I woke up.

    Report

    Uber Mensch
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The only safe way to shake with a politician is with one hand on your money, and the other covering your genitals.

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #35

    The only time politicians tell the truth is when they call each other liars.

    Report

    Kona Pake
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The only time politicians tell the truth is when they call their colleagues by their names.

    #36

    Politicians are the only people you can ask a direct question to and, 35 minutes later, not have an answer and be more confused than you were before.

    Report

    Kona Pake
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That’s true. I once saw a politician on TV answer a question and she spoke for 15 minutes and said nothing of consequence.

    Chich
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You ever ask a cleric something?

    New Everywhere
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Isn't that their superpower? (or whatever they call it when it's a villain)

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #37

    Mahatma Gandhi often walked barefoot which produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, making him rather frail and with his odd diet he often suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis.

    Report

    Мара Гончарова
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Even though the sound of it Is something quite atrocious...

    Daniel Marsh
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What does this have to do with political jokes. "Um did a little, um did I lie?" Oh....

    Load More Replies...
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #38

    My love is like communism; everyone gets a share, and it's only good in theory.

    Report

    Daniel Marsh
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hugh Grant's love is like communism. You think the elite are going to get screwed, but it's the poor people who get f****d.

    Kai David
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    So only your oldest child gets your love while your second child is regulated to the military, your third child is sacrificed to the church, and you forget about your fourth child?

    Remi
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Are you confusing feudalism and communism? Cause the kid distribution sounds familiar, but no way in heck would communism promote sacrificing to the church... even if it's your b*t ugly lawn decorations. Communism frowns even those as church sacrifice.

    Load More Replies...
    #39

    A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

    Report

    Dillon Brown
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Unless you do so well that taxes no longer apply to you

    Christina Keenan
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Only doing just well enough, but not so well that you don't have to pay any money

    #40

    The one thing I’ve learned from the World Cup is that Europe still hasn’t mastered the haircut.

    Report

    Søs Rasmussen
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That may be true, we are after all busy living in a real democracy, taking care of those who need our help 😉

    Kona Pake
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They still haven’t settled on the team tattoo.

    Oerff On Tour
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Now stop making fun of Boris Johnson

    May
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The haircut? You only have one?

    ADVERTISEMENT
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #41

    New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has said that he may run for President, but analysts predict it is much more likely that he will walk.

    Report

    Kona Pake
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Of course he will run… his mouth.

    #42

    A priest, a politician, and a clown, walk into the bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

    Report

    Ty Stratton-Quirk
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The priest and the clown, in perfect sync, look at the politician and say, "Yes, he is."

    Alvin Chip
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    they're all making the world funny

    #43

    What do you call a Russian procrastinator? Putinoff.

    Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #44

    What’s the difference between a magician and a politician? The magician returns your watch at the end of the performance.

    Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #45

    My father, a Navy man, had the good fortune to be stationed in Hawaii—but the bad fortune to have fair skin. One day, after spending many hours under the hot sun, he reported back to duty with a terrible sunburn. Expecting sympathy, he was, instead, reprimanded by his superiors and then written up for “destruction of government property.”

    Report

    Chich
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The military is a strange world. I recall someone trying to find zippers in a Quartermaster catalouge. Eventually found them under "Fasteners: vetical, interlocking"

    Kaleb
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've heard something like this before is it actually true?

    Theoretical Empiricist
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes, if it interferes with your ability to carry out your duties or otherwise affects unit readiness. It's also the legal underpinning for booting service members who refuse COVID vaccinations.

    Load More Replies...
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #46

    The two U.S. cities with the highest alcohol consumption are Las Vegas and Washington, DC. The difference between the two is that in Washington the drunks are gambling with our own money.

    Report

    #47

    I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of a national emergency—even if I’m in a Cabinet meeting.

    Report

    #48

    A politician was a guest speaker at the golf club dinner. As the politician stood up to speak, a few of the men saw it as an opportunity to sneak off to the bar. An hour later, with the politician still talking, another man joined them. “Is he still talking?” they asked him. “Yes,” the other man answered. “What on Earth is he talking about?” “I don’t know. He’s still introducing himself.”

    Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #49

    My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.

    Report

    Michele Hyduke
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Honest politians are like smart and educated Republicans, we've never seen one.

    #50

    On my arrival in the United States I was struck by the degree of ability among the governed and the lack of it among the governing.

    Report

    squid eric Haney
    Community Member
    5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Governing is not easy, but that job does not always attract the right people.

    #51

    A frightened man goes to the secret police and says, “My talking parrot disappeared.” “Why did you come here? Go to the regular police.” “I will. I’m just here to tell you that I disagree with whatever that parrot is going to say.”

    Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #52

    What did Gandhi say to the British, after they asked him to move? Nah, mastay.

    Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #53

    How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? Two: one to change it and another one to change it back again.

    Report

    riri_shizu
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Three, actually: The third will arrive to ensure its screwed deeper.

    #54

    Who is the leader of the Kitty Communist Party? Chairman Meow.

    Report

    Tobias the Tiger
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Pretty sure "Mao" is the Chinese word for "cat", or at least the word for "meow".

    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #55

    Why do Communists drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.

    Report

    #56

    What if the whole ice-bucket challenge is just a long game to bring down the Wicked Witch of the West?

    Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #57

    I was on family leave, spending my days caring for my two-year-old son while pregnant with my second. To kill some time, I began watching the Game Show Network, and I got hooked. One afternoon my husband came home from work to find the house in complete disarray and me plopped in front of the TV. “So that’s what you do while I’m at work?” he said, smirking. “I just happened to have it on,” I lied. The next evening we were watching President Bush’s inauguration. As Bush stepped out of his limousine and waved to his cheering supporters, my son shouted, “Look, Mommy, he won the car!”

    Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #58

    I think we should get rid of democracy. All in favor raise your hand.

    Report

    Concept-Peter Roosdorp
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    However, it is the only acceptable way to end a democracy.

    Oerff On Tour
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Everyone who believes telekinesis exists, raise my hand

    #59

    An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought.

    Report

    #60

    The day I immigrated to the United States, I was given an alien ID card that featured a cute photo of me at age 15. Years later, when I went to the courthouse to become a citizen, a clerk confiscated my card. “What will you do with it?” my wife asked. “We burn it” was the answer. “Could you please cut the photo off and let us keep it?” asked my wife. “Certainly not,” said the clerk. “This card is official U.S. government property. As such it cannot be mutilated before it’s destroyed.”

    Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #61

    If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? America.

    Report

    Daniel Marsh
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well, wait... this is a joke from 2016... who was Obama's VP again? (pause) OH S**T!!!!

    The Scout
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As a news commentator aptly put it: "If, in addition to Hillary and Trump, a sack of potatoes would have participated in the 2016 election, the sack would probably have won by a landslide".

    Richard Newell
    Community Member
    3 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    What do you call a 1,000 democrats at the bottom of the ocean? A great start!

    #62

    Political parties are like toilet paper. Whichever side you select, you end up getting poop!

    Report

    The Scout
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Politicians and diapers should be changed regularly. For the same reasons...

    Evil Hornet
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wish! Toilet paper ends up flushed in the toilet...

    #63

    The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus.

    Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #64

    Give me a one-handed economist! All my economists say, “On the one hand ...on the other.”

    Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #65

    Being president is like running a cemetery: You’ve got a lot of people under you, and nobody’s listening.

    Report

    #66

    On his deathbed, a lifelong Republican supporter suddenly announced that he was switching to the Democrats. “I can’t believe you’re doing this.” said his friend. “For your entire life you’re been a staunch Republican. Why would you want to become a Democrat now?” “Because I’d rather it was one of them that dies than one of us.”

    Report

    Walking On Sunshine
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Never stops Republican from voting when they're dead!

    Frank Tereschak
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Dead democrats voting has been a Chicago tradition for 100 years. Look it up.

    Load More Replies...
    Tom Bolton
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This joke worked better with Catholics and Protestants.

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #67

    What did Clinton say when asked if he had used protection? "Sure, there was a guard standing right outside the door."

    Report

    #68

    Everyone's making memes on Iran and USA, meanwhile the struggle Israel.

    Report

    APL
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nothing. But if "Israel" was pronounced like "is real" then it would be a pun.

    Load More Replies...
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #69

    Dollar Tree bought Family Dollar for about $8 billion. It would have been $10 billion, but Family Dollar was dented.

    Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #70

    Our government always struck me as having many layers. But I no longer think that, not after this e-mail from an associate in another country: "I demonstrated the product to the Minister of Defiance and his Chief of Stuff."

    Report

    #71

    Without going to jail, you cannot be a big politician.

    Report

    Evil Hornet
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And when You become big politician, You cannot go to jail :P

    #72

    The huge backlog in the doctor's waiting room was taking its toll. Patients were glancing at their watches and getting restless. Finally one man walked to the receptionist's station and tapped on the glass. She slid back the window back, saying, "Sir, you'll have to wait your turn." "I just had a question," he said dryly, "Is George W. Bush still President?"

    Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #73

    As a new federal employee, I felt a combination of excitement and anxiety about meeting the strict standards of discretion and respect that our government imposes on its workers. Fearful of making a costly mistake, I decided to read up on procedures and standards on the federal Office of Personnel Management web page. I’m not sure if I was relieved or worried when I clicked on one page and found: “Ethics: Coming Soon!”

    Report

    #74

    At a clearance sale, the wife of a federal district court judge found the perfect green tie to match one of her husband’s sport jackets. Soon after, while the couple was relaxing at a resort complex to get his mind off a complicated cocaine-conspiracy case, he noticed a small, round disc sewn into the tie. The judge showed it to a local FBI agent, who was equally suspicious that it might be a “bug” planted by the conspiracy defendants. The agent sent the device to FBI headquarters in Washington, D.C., for analysis. Two weeks later, the judge phoned Washington to find out the results of their tests. “We’re not sure where the disc came from,” the FBI told him, “but we discovered that when you press it, it plays ‘Jingle Bells.’ ”

    Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #75

    Working on Capitol Hill, my husband was under constant pressure. After one late-night session, he came home exhausted and went straight to bed. When I turned out the light, he sat up in a panic. “Is everything OK in the house?” he asked. “Yes, honey,” I answered. “I locked the doors and turned down the heat.” “That’s good,” he said, lying back down, his eyelids heavy. “What about the Senate?”

    Report

    #76

    Why does the queen carry a scepter? Because everyone works 'cept her.

    Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #77

    Can’t believe the National Spelling Bee ended in a tye.

    Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #78

    The state dinner at the White House honored the prime minister of India, and the menu was vegetarian. How do you like that for Thanksgiving? No turkey, wrong Indians.

    Report

    #79

    Don't steal. That's the government's job.

    Report

    Oerff On Tour
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why is theft a criminal offense? The government abhors competition

    #80

    A birth certificate is an apology from the government that you are now indentured and a social security number that you are no longer a sovereign.

    Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #81

    Liberals are very broadminded: they are always willing to give careful consideration to both sides of the same side.

    Report

    #82

    Hillary Clinton has finally announced she will be running for President. Yes, finally. She says this is a great step forward for all women... who happen to be married to a former president.

    Report

    #83

    A liberal is a conservative who's been arrested. A conservative is a liberal who's been mugged.

    Report

    Daniel Marsh
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The moral: Liberals are mostly criminals?

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #84

    “Michelle Obama said she wants Americans to elect a woman president ‘as soon as possible.’ So even she has had enough of President Obama.”

    Report

    Michele Hyduke
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No and that's stupid bc she is not at all that way towards her husband, they are a power team of everything good and zero scandal! At least Obama could speak correct grammar and complete sentences that were easy to comprehend. None of the pesky tremendous repeated tremendously and uneducated nonsense.

    ADVERTISEMENT