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Humans love to brag. We can’t help it, when we’ve accomplished something, we want others to know. And we can’t resist a nice pat on the back! But not everything is worth boasting about. In fact, we should definitely keep some things to ourselves…
Redditors have recently been sharing the strangest things they’ve ever heard people proudly share, so we’ve gathered their most amusing stories below. From being born with extra fingers to having an incredibly unhealthy work-life balance, enjoy your journey through all of these bizarre brags. And be sure to upvote the ones that make you say, “weird flex but okay!”
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#1
I always thought “we work hard, we play hard” was a weird flex bc literally everyone I’ve known who said this worked ungodly hours to the point they had no outside life, and the ‘play hard’ part just meant that when they did get off work, they would drink themselves into oblivion with their coworkers, who were pretty much the only people they had any contact with.
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#2
"I don't do anything around the house. My wife does it all." I've met your wife dude. She's miserable and hates her life.
JB 3 months ago
"Hey - I hate my wife and don't care to help her cause I'm a huge b******e, aren't I great?" If you love her, you'll do the things, because if you love her, you want what is good for her and makes her feel happy and fulfilled. Oxen yoked in a equal pair are stronger and pull straight.
#3
"I don't read" the guy actually thought this made him cool. I followed the question with "not even magazine articles?" This was right before smartphones completely took over. I was in shock. Still am. He made it sound like he goes out of his way to avoid reading. Like he likes to be willfully ignorant of all things that feed the brain. Maybe I'm a snob, but I can't get behind that. At the very least, maybe read a shampoo bottle when you poop!
#4
When I worked and lived in South Korea, I came across a guy from the US who proudly claimed that he had been living there for over five years and "I've never tried Korean food, not even once."
Sir, why did you even choose to come to Korea?
Meanwhile, I ate Korean food regularly and discovered brand new favourites – some of which I still seek out at Korean restaurants here in Canada.
Mel in Georgia 3 months ago
Those that say they will never try "foreign" food are so missing out. I love and make Korean and other kinds of cuisine. My chap chae recipe is delicious - noodles, beef, onions, carrots, spinach ... what's not to love?
#5
I once walked out of the grocery store to see a guy leaning against this beautiful electric blue mustang, hitting on some girls and flexing on his ride and how hard he worked to get it and how he could take them for a spin in it if they'd agree to go on a date with him.
It was my mustang. I set the alarm off and just watched the panic from a distance.
#6
My neighbors across the street. A mom, her daughter, and 2 grandkids. She was pissed because the school was sending the police due to her granddaughters missing too many days.
'I didnt finish high school and neither did my daughter, and we turned out fine!'
No, you didnt. You have 4 people in a 2 bedroom house that's falling apart and no car between the 4 of you. She was ranting about this while I was giving her a ride across town, because we are nice people and would occasionally help them.
Dragons Exist 3 months ago
She sounds like the kind of idiot who thinks "turned out fine" means "didn't die". I hate people who say "and I turned out fine" or "I survived" as a reason for something being "good" (people "survived" and "turned out fine" in the days of asbestos & lead being used in everything, but that doesn't mean that asbestos and lead aren't bad things)
#7
Does this count? I had a boss who would call my handwriting ugly and chicken scratch. She thought she had the "authority" to say it because she won an award for her handwriting, which she bragged about almost once a week. Eventually, I learned that the award she won was from Grade 3.................... Girly was in her 70s!
#8
My cousin once bragged that he had never used sunscreen in his life. Said it with total pride like he was invincible, while peeling like a lobster on vacation. lmao.
#9
My mom used to brag that she stayed in an a*****e relationship because she didn't want to be a "homie hopper" and women should stay loyal to one man and one man only
Anyways, the guy stabbed her and almost k**led her in 2016.
ॐBoyGanesh 3 months ago
This is just as bad or worse than the “blood is thicker than water” rationalizers/apologists.
#10
“I worked 80 hours last week”
A guy at my salaried job. .
#11
"i dont like your father but i stay with him for you"
every professional ive spoken to and the rest of my family all agree that my parents shouldve split up because they treat eachother and me like absolute a*s.
Mel in Georgia 3 months ago
Yeah, dumping the blame on a kid for why you're in a c**p py marriage is quite admirable. Ugh.
#12
My ex boss said he doesn't even know the name of his son or how old he exactly is. He's married, his son and wife live in the same house. He's just a d**k.
#13
A couple of weeks ago, a mother of 4 was talking and goes,
"I took their pacifiers away really early, and if they sucked their thumb, I just spanked em! None of them suck their thumb now!"
She was beaming with pride, and at that moment, I realized why when she called any of the girls, they instantly ran over. As a young parent, I'm not here to judge your parenting style, but at the same time, beating behavior out of your kid isnt the flex you think it is.
ॐBoyGanesh 3 months ago
Genuinely stupid people do this & use other forms of corporal punishment/abüse because they’re wholly incapable of figuring out how to model, teach, correct, modify appropriate behaviors in their children. It’s not a flex to say that vulnerable, fragile, helpless little people will do anything on your command out of fear of getting beaten up. It just shows what a garbage person you are.
#14
I've said this before and it was popular, so I'll say it again. Anyone who bragged about not getting good grades.
Schrödinger's Douchebag 3 months ago
Being uneducated in a first world country is an embarrassment.
#15
“You’re allergic to shellfish? Psh, so am I but I don’t let it stop me.” Then the guy proceeds to down four or five shrimp.
Imma throw in here I’ve been severely allergic for a couple years, he’d just found out and at first it was just mild skin irritation and a scratchy throat.
Glad I had a back up epi and knew how to use it, exposing himself the way he had been had made the allergy so much worse. Still took him to the ER and stayed with him till they got him unshrimped lol.
#16
I have a coworker in his 60s who brags about fights he won in elementary school. Like, watch out, we got a bada*s over here.
#17
My ex brother in law, when we first met him, said he had a file of Domestic Violence charges as thick as a phonebook.
That was a miserable 4 years.
#19
My exes terrible step dad moved their family into the worst neighborhood in town and told me directly "I moved my family here because this is where I grew up and look how good I turned out"
I mean the guy was well off. He was a foreman of a construction company. Well paid.
I guess he wanted me to ignore the 12 years of federal prison for armed robbery and attempted murder 🤷.
Marlene Ricker 3 months ago
How can anyone with a prison record think they turned out well just because they are now working at a good job!
#20
Guy hitting on me at a bar in Los Angeles asked me what I did. Told him I was a 2nd year at UC Berkeley Law.
He guffawed in my face and said “I was just in a national PEDIGREE commercial.” Pedigree as in dog food.
David Morgan 3 months ago (edited)
Joke is on you OP. While you'll have to work actual hours to earn your hundreds per hour, this guy will be sitting back and cashing those $4 per month residual cheques without llifting a finger...
#21
“I have kids, I’ve passed on my genetic code” - my brother bragging to me whilst being jobless, owing thousands in child support, and barely seeing his kids.
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 3 months ago
I'm the last of my line. That's my contribution to the world.
#22
I'm always weirded out by old folk at work who will proudly tell you that they don't know how to use computers properly. That they've never learned to use Excel or whatever. Well done, you're s**t at your job. I'm no spring chicken but I've tried very hard over the years to keep a bit up to date.
Lost Panda 3 months ago (edited)
I work IT. The amount of people who don't know how to use a computer is sad. I can understand those who are 70 and up, but anything under 70 and you've had fair exposure. Especially if you work and especially if you worked in the same place for a long time... **Edit: This was not meant to be a generalization of those over 70, but rather a statement saying that I give leeway to them more than younger groups.**
#23
A manager of a different department to me prided herself on being crazy busy all the time. She proudly told me she hasn’t listened to music in 15 years because she doesn’t have time. I asked if she has a radio in her car and she said she turns it off. I said, what about in supermarkets where they play background music, she said she tunes it out and ignores it. This conversation was about 12 years ago and I’m still so confused.
David Morgan 3 months ago
Alternatively, Manager bragged that "I am so bad at my job that I haven't found any ways to make it more efficient, or learned to delegate".
#24
“I’ve had all degrees of burns.” In college, my husband was loitering in a hallway waiting for his class to open and was standing near a girl and a guy. Girls hands are both wrapped in gauze and the guy asks why. She says she has second degree burns on her hands and had to wrap them up. Then he very confidently comes out with “yeah, well I’ve had all degrees of burns” as the ultimate story top. It is said frequently around my home to this day and is a part of our family vocabulary.
#26
My BIL is almost 60 and doesn't eat fruits or vegetables and he thinks it's funny that his kids and now grandkids are the same.
#27
Last place I worked had a woman who bragged about having the most sick time and not using it. But would come in sick and work then complain when people would call out because they got sick.
#28
"I smoked through all five of my pregnancies and my kids turned out fine."
My boss, when I was pregnant and explaining why I didn't want to sit on the dock and smoke anymore.
#30
Working at a call center for a local medical group. Kind of a sad place with cubicles that were three feet wide and the walls went all the way up to the ceiling.
The woman I was shadowing was proudly telling me that today was her tenth anniversary with the company, and as a reward she got an additional paid day off. So if I work hard, I could have FOUR paid days off in ten years.
The only job I straight up walked out of.
GirlFriday 3 months ago
I just had my 12th anniversary with this company. I got another week of PTO. That makes 7 weeks per year, plus 12 sicks days, 3 floating holidays, 8 volunteer days (when we want to volunteer, we still get paid), and I can roll over 80 hours of PTO each year. I am rolling 50 hours a year over so that when I am ready to retire, I can leave a year early and still get paid.
#31
“I just tell it like it is. I ain’t gonna hold nothin’ back. I don’t give a f**k what anybody thinks.”
-Redneck flex.
Okay, you have no grace, no decorum and no concern about the feelings of others.
David Morgan 3 months ago
"And I absolutely hate it when others do the same to me - they are rude, I'M just direct".
#32
Years ago I went to a Mexican restaurant with my cousins. One of them starts mouthing off to the waitress because she forgot his sour cream. His equally-annoying brother tries to flirt with the waitress like “I’m not a p***y and I can eat Mexican food without sour cream”. He pauses so the Mexican waitress can congratulate him but she just goes (sigh) “ok”.
#34
I know this person who has these giant bicep muscles. Him and his partner would always brag how they're the biggest in the area. But honestly, they look ridiculous. Like someone jammed toddler head into his arm, they're huge. But it's not proportional to the rest of his body. I went home and had a good cackle with my husband about it.
Tim Gearing 3 months ago
sadly my R bicep tendon snapped the other day (it’s a long story) and the muscle looks like a small ball under the skin. Too old for a graft, and also too old to care about it.
#35
I had a coworker once who bragged that he has cheated on every girl he ever had. Dude was definitely a d****e.
#36
"there was a couple in the shop setting up monthly payments for their pram, they must have looked at us, young couple, nice car and been jealous we just bought the pram outright" - my brother, leaving out a very important part... He was given the money to buy the pram by his in laws, it wasn't his money. Also my parents bought his car 🙃.
#37
"I once chugged a whole jar of pickle juice and it destroyed the lining of my stomach!"
OK, go you, kiddo!
#38
On TikTok, there are dudes bragging about working 100hrs a week only to make like 10k a month, which, when you do the math, is a wage of only around $18/hr.
BeesEelsAndPups 3 months ago
I make more than that and work about 35 hours/week. I don't have TikTok though.
#39
“I don’t use my PTO” soooo you’re working for free basically? Weird flex but ok (we get X amount of days off that don’t roll over or pay out).
#40
Guy in front of me got stopped at customs and said very loudly and very slowly to the agent: “I am an international businessman.”
This was 20 years ago and I think of it weekly. No actual international businessman has ever described themselves that way.
Mel in Georgia 3 months ago
What if he said, "I am an international businessman of mystery"? So much more intriguing.
#41
I've shared this before somewhere else, but I feel like it fits.
I used to work in a library that was in a v deprived area. Local kids would hang out there cos there wasn't really anywhere else for them to go. They had to have a library card to do that, and we kept a list of their parents/guardians to call if things got rowdy, which they often did.
One time these 2 kids were causing trouble after closing time, wouldn't leave, were throwing furniture around and yelling in our faces. I told them we were going to call their parents, one of them turned around and said triumphantly "HA! I don't even HAVE any parents!"
She did have grandparents though, who were pretty pissed when they heard what she'd been up to.
#42
"I was a virgin before I got here. Since then I've had s*x with like 20 girls." Freshman friend of my college roommate. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that he was still a virgin and given my roommate and his other friends reaction, they probably thought so too.
Lady Chelsea (LadyChelseaoftheVoid) 3 months ago
then they grow up to be 30 year old dudes complaining in their basement about women's body counts
#43
An old guy that I used to work with used to say all the time….I’ve smoked for 52 years…since I was 13.
#44
A kid told me the Grand Wizard eats Thanksgiving dinner at his house.
Dragons Exist 3 months ago (edited)
For those who don't know, the Grand Wizard is the leader of the KKK (edit: didn't think BP would try and censor that; I thought wrong)
#45
I work in mental health care. on my first day two people turned their noses up at me for working in admin because they were both counsellors, and then one of them bragged about not being able to meditate because her "thoughts just go too fast". congratulations you will be horrible to your patients and either disorganised or really stressed out? well done? I would never want to receive treatment from someone that puts someone down for doing a different job to them?
#46
Dude I knew used to brag about how he keeps his car super clean because he washes it every weekend in front of his house.
turns out he tried starting up a car washing business and it went under. He has like five years worth of cleaning supplies that he’s trying to get through. That’s why he cleans his car all the time.
#47
One day during my Masters program, my friends and I were discussing the dorm bathroom setup. One of my hall-mates shared that when she had to go in the middle of the night, she preferred peeing into a Ziploc bag and dropping it out of her third floor window into the dumpster directly below. I’ve never heard a table get shocked into silence so quickly.
David Morgan 3 months ago
Is it bad that I'm almost more fascinated by the mechanics of that than horrified that they thought of it? Like, how big a bag? Those huge freezer ones, or the little ones for a single sandwich? How do you keep your hands clean?
#48
A co-worker once told me he got a police 'escort' out of his previous job for threatening to k**l his boss. He then made a mic drop motion with his hand followed by a little gotcha style laugh. This was in response to our boss walking by our work station without saying hello.
#49
My mom’s husband who is mid to late 40s was bragging to my sister that he made a $3500 commission as a realtor. Now that would be impressive right except he was previously an engineer making 6 figures and refused to accept any salary less than 150k so now he’s a real estate agent. Also that was the only commission he made in 8 months. He’s also the kind of guy who tells people if you work hard enough you can be a millionaire, poor people choose to be poor. .
#50
"I dont love my wife but she thinks I do. Overall I dont have feelings for people". He did not say this as it was a problem, but proud of it.
David Morgan 3 months ago
"I don't have feelings". If this is a genuine sentiment, than that is worrying. Emotional numbness/lack of affect is one of the signs of psychopathy. That does not mean the person is violent or dangerous, but psychopaths often have low inhibition and high sensation-seeking drives, so they just 'think it, do it'. That can make it vey tough to do any kind of consistent or routine job, especially if there are repercussions for not following set procedures (engineering or medicine for example)
#51
My brother in law has bragged to me several times about the eye doctor saying he has the strongest eyelids she has ever dealt with.
Mel in Georgia 3 months ago
LOL - maybe that's a flex? Cannot imagine when that would come in handy, though.
#52
“I went to college!”
This was said to me with indignation by a customer at a Barnes & Noble as part of a tantrum when I, an employee, kindly asked that he be careful reading a book (that he didn’t pay for) in our cafe while drinking the coffee I just handed him.
Michael Largey 3 months ago
"Well, at college they had both a bookstore and a library. Did you confuse them back then too?"
#53
Older gent, engineer. I don't share info with anyone incase they know more than me and steal my job. What an idiot. .
#54
" I ordered over 200,000 dollars in chicken, do you know how much chicken that is "
Me : "wow"
For context i was a manager at a strip club and these high rollers owned a very succesful chain of meat markets.
#55
"I just ate a pound of bacon...".
David Morgan 3 months ago
The next day's bowel movement will be horrific, but OK. Plus, if you do that regularly, you'll probably die of heart disease while on your way to the toilet.
#56
“I don’t take sick days; I just come to work and do my job”. We work in education, funny how he isn’t here post 2021. But you know.. we have years of whole classes getting sick to look back on.
Carol Farrington 3 months ago
I have to say this one drives me up the wall. I had a year where for some reason I was sick constantly. I was a speech therapist working in a developmental preschool. We were talking about this one day and the OT said she always comes to work, she’s come to work with diarrhea and just had to run to the bathroom constantly. She’s gotten to work and had to vomit beside her car And all I can think of is you’re passing those germs onto the rest of us and why do you think there are rules about when kids can come to school when they don’t feel well?
#57
Sister in law brags about how hard it is to get her blood drawn. Was especially proud when the cancer infusion people had to help her once. Like why is that a good thing, it sounds awful.
#58
I once heard a guy brag about how he can recite the entire alphabet backwards while doing a handstand. I mean, that’s impressive, but also very specific for a party trick.
#59
A boss at my old job once told me he'd "never let his wife ride the bus."
First, congratulations on owning a car. Second, what, does she have to ask you to leave the house? Are you not married to an adult who can make her own decisions?
#60
This dude I worked with a while ago would come into work every Monday with a new story about how he survived some 50 mph motorcycle accident or gotten into a huge fight. Like dude you just sound like an unstable liar.
#61
Me, an adult, visiting a friend whose cousin (also both adults) was also there. I said something and used “google” like a verb and the cousin yelled, “WE BING IN THIS HOUSE,” like he was scolding a child. I laughed but he yelled it again louder.
David Morgan 3 months ago
Mate, even Microsoft employees use Google. And Apple products. It's not a big deal.
#62
“I have a bachelor degree in psychology. As your friend I just want to help you and you seriously need a visit to the psych ward since I suspect you’re borderline personality disorder.”
I was stunned by this person and her claims (only a clinical psychologist can confirm formal diagnosis if borderline personality disorder or any other diagnoses . I asked her politely why and she told me that I was having severe identity issues. I told her I knew who I was. She was very upset and we needed help(ironic) but we didn’t get it. Oh well. Luckily she did GET PROFESSIONAL help and I don’t have borderline personality disorder.
Nicola Koh 3 months ago
The icing is it sounds like she's mixing up BPD with dissociative identity disorder
#64
“I went to school on Halloween dressed as The Crow. Not Eric Draven from the movie but the character from my fanfic.” -that person was me.
#65
A former flatmate of mine claimed he was very eco-conscious and thrifty, and for that reason, he very rarely used the washing machine and only needed one paper toilet roll a month.
For context, he was trying to justify a 5€ discount on the flatmates' shared expenses - after 8 months of never spending a dime on them nor doing anything for the flat.
WindySwede 3 months ago
Who needs toilet paper when you just can pee in an bag an throw it in an dumpster from second floor? (As stated above..)
#66
Not necessarily a flex but a guy from another company called me and said "my name is 'von something' and I insist on the 'von' ".
Needless to say everyone at my work kept calling him just 'something'.
BookFanatic 3 months ago
I recently found a bunch of "Von MyLastName" family that I didn't know existed. When I asked an aunt, she snickered and said that branch just decided to add the Von because they wanted to be better than the rest of us. Whatever. Lol
#67
A friend said this: "My mom flies her housemaid in business class with her so she doesn't have to carry any luggage, even her handbag."
Im from India, and her mom travels to like 10 countries a year, lol.
#68
“I can name all the Disney princesses“ (from a 45 yr old man).
He's married but has no kids. And he said it with a straight face. Not the slightest bit of sarcasm. Just wanted to let people know.
#69
A friend of mine said she was proud of convincing her nephew out of applying for high school.
#70
"I'm such a good liar. You won't believe the things I've said that people believe."
We were at work. And Yes, they had a Sales role.
#71
My one college roommate and I had like a 10 minute conversation when he claimed his s**t didn't stink. I laughed at first because I thought it was a joke based on the popular idiom, but no, as he continued talking I realized he really, genuinely, thought his s**t didn't stink.
As a roommate, you learn things about people you sometimes wish you didn't. But I can verify, his s**t didn't not stink. .
Lost Panda 3 months ago
I feel that there might have been a medical explanation for that... And part of me wonders if it is a bad thing...
#72
I once had a classmate brag that he could rotate molecules in his head faster than another student. We were all chemistry majors. 🙄.
Senjo Krane 3 months ago
Gee, I didn't know you could rotate your molecules. Is it a talent like rolling your tongue?
#73
"look how tiny that baby is"
"I've seen smaller".
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 3 months ago
This reminds me of the spoken part in the song "Steal my sunshine": "Man, I've never seen Karen look so bad", "I did once before, but this is pretty bad". Always struck me as a really odd exchange.
#75
“I make the best kool aid. “ she was so proud at the age of close to 60. I said what do you use? “Two cups of sugar per package. “. Ugh.
What do you think ?
Sarah Matsoukis 3 months ago
My all-time favorite is the employee who was leaving right on time to help his wife with their newborn. The boss mocked him and bragged about having three kids and not having changed a single diaper in his life. Employee: "I'd be too ashamed to ever admit being that worthless of a husband."
Tucker Cahooter 3 months ago
Don't forget that there's a person we all know who bragged about being able to say "Person, woman, man, camera, TV" in that order.
Sarah Matsoukis 3 months ago
My all-time favorite is the employee who was leaving right on time to help his wife with their newborn. The boss mocked him and bragged about having three kids and not having changed a single diaper in his life. Employee: "I'd be too ashamed to ever admit being that worthless of a husband."
Tucker Cahooter 3 months ago
Don't forget that there's a person we all know who bragged about being able to say "Person, woman, man, camera, TV" in that order.
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