“Told My Son That I Was Allergic To Whining”: 40 Parents Reveal Their Best Parenting Hacks
It’s basically a given that raising a child is hard. “It takes a village” some might say, and they would be right. So, like in most things in life, it never hurts to sit down and do some research. And what better fount of knowledge than experienced parents?
Someone asked “Parents of Reddit: What's the best "Child Hack" you've figured out to make your life as a parent easier?” and people with kids gave their best answers. So get comfortable as you read through, take some notes if you have kids of your own, upvote your favorite suggestions, and be sure to comment your thoughts below.
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Obligatory "Not a Parent" but one piece of advice I saw on Reddit a while ago that I intend to carry forward.
Realize that while the problem your child may be having is ultimately meaningless, it could very well be the most painful thing that has ever happened to them.
Your five year old stub their toe and won't stop crying? That might actually have been the most pain they've ever felt and the little throbbing after might make it seem like it'll never end. They don't know better, and they won't know better till they experience it for themselves and only for themselves.
Your teenage daughter just got dumped by her boyfriend or her favorite band broke up? This emotional trauma, however ridiculous, might actually be the worst emotional pain she's ever felt. She doesn't know that it'll fade soon enough and one day she'll even laugh at how she acted, and there is nothing you can say that will teach her this.
Your children have to learn these things for themselves, simply telling them "You'll get over it." IS a true statement, but it will feel like you are dismissing their problems. And if the worst pain they've ever felt is something you as their parent will dismiss, then don't be surprised when they don't come to you for something serious.
Teach your kids to read VERY EARLY.
Read to them as soon as you bring them home; but really focus at age 2. Start making them read back to you at 3. Make it fun.
When you give a kid the love of reading at an early age, the rest of school is usually a cake walk. They are ahead of the curve in many ways. And, if they love reading, they always have something to do, and if you buy them a book when they are good and make a reward out of it? You don't need to wait for another Harry Potter to come out to get them to read.
My mother did it with her children, I did it with mine. It works.
Come on guys be serious it does work. I was reading to the dog when I was like 4 years old. And do they read the same way an adult does no my parents said sometimes it was very funny but I did it. My daughter read the entire kindergarten reading series by the time she was three and a half. Very simple reading and sometimes it's remembering the words that go with the pictures but it's an accomplishment and when you praise it they do well. They do better in school they do better in life and they're less likely to spend their time boggling Facebook
I told my kid her ears turn red when she tells a lie, now she covers her ears when she lies. She is almost 7 and it still works.
I had 3 kids very close in age. At one point I assigned them each a day of the week (they each got two and Sunday was the leftover) Whatever the question was, the answer was whose day is it. Who gets to go first? Who gets to ride in the front? Who has to take their bath first? I saved so many arguments with this.
Teach your toddler a few signs before they can talk (eat, drink, more, play, etc). Cuts down on their frustrations caused by not being able to communicate.
This! I did it with my kids. My son could sign whole sentences at one point and it really helped! Plus: it was very very cute! Eliminate „baby talk“ too and people will be astounded how well your 2-5 year old can articulate themself.
Saw one on Reddit where if you want to enjoy some time undisturbed tell your kids that you're taking a nap and when you wake up all of you are going to do chores together. They'll want to let you sleep as long as possible to avoid doing housework, so they'll leave you alone to actually nap or do other things like read.
I saw a post by a guy once who challenged his kids to compete to draw the best picture of him napping.
Making them start the day over again. Some days they would wake up in the WORST mood. Just cranky and awful. I would tell them I needed them to start the day over because it hadn’t worked right the first time. Going through the motions of having to climb back into bed, close their eyes, then pretend to wake up again made them giggle so much that it usually made for a much smoother start to the day.
That reminds me of when I or my sister would have some minor hurt and go to our father about it. He would often say "Did you tear your clothes?" We'd say no. "Well that's good, because the clothes won't heal up like you will." We'd laugh at that and forget all about hurting.
Not a parent, but a daycare worker, and I learned this through reddit: If a Child is having a meltdown, ask what color their shoes/shirts/pants/whatever clothing their wearing are. This distracts the child long enough to stop them in the midst of their meltdown because they haven't thought about what they're wearing. I used this trick *twice* on a kid today who was just having a terrible day. Calmed them right down.
Make "No helmet no wheels" the law with no exceptions from the moment they get their first tricycle. Wear your own helmet when you ride together. Let them pick out cool colors etc. Come down hard the first time you catch him or her without.
This saved my son's life when he was hit and dragged under a van!
If you want to teach your child to ride a bike, get them a balance bike before anything else. When they can glide on it for 2 minutes, get them a bike. Take the pedals off for the first couple of weeks so they get used to the brakes. Pop the pedals back on and they'll be off like a bullet in minutes.
Be mindful of how you phrase questions
Example:
Instead of “Do you want a hotdog for supper?”, ask “What do you want on your hotdog?”
If your kid’s a d**k, it won’t matter. But it will help it most situations.
Yup, this. Give choices. Do you want to go to bed at 8, or 8:30? Do you want a bath now, or after dinner? Every good sales-person knows it works on adults too. :)
Teach them how to adult.
Give them chores. Early pick up their toys. It will make them better people in the long run. My kids take turns wiping down and sweeping the bathroom and kitchen. One does kitchen one night, the other the bathroom and then flip the next night.
Show them how to do their laundry, it is such an easy thing to do really, just a hassle (at least to me, the wife loves it)
Teach them to cook, start with the microwave and move to the stove and oven. Knowing how to use a kitchen is important.
Give them a little allowance. If they do what they should they get paid. If they half-a*s their chores or don’t do them, they don’t. Teaches you have to do the work to keep a job.
Allowance also lets them manage their money. If you just buy them things occasionally, they never learn the value of a dollar or how to save. They both have something big they want to save for and when they ask if they can by something else I ask them if they are positive they want to set themselves back in getting their big ticket item. Sometimes it is yes, they think it’s worth it and sometimes it is no, they will save their money. It’s great they are learning to save and also what is a priority for them. Is a tablet worth more to you than that sketch book? It isn’t? Then get the sketch book.
School doesn’t teach ‘adulting’ to kids. You have to do it or just hope for them to figure it out and then actually do it.
For allowance, it really depends on the child whether it should be given based on completing chores. Children tend to start trying to negotiate once they get money for the chores. To properly teach them to work for their allowance in needs to be all-or-nothing not "5 dollars for cleaning the kitchen", "2 dollars to clean your room" etc. Kids also need to learn thar helping around the house is an expectation and responsibility but a way to earn money.
My wife and I came up with a short unique whistle that both kids knew meant come here to us. Works in malls, water parks or just to come in and clean up for dinner. Fellow parents were amazed by this. Teach them early.
Lasagne bedding. Waterproof sheet, sheet, waterproof sheet, sheet. No changing wet beds in the night, just pull off top layer and change child!
When your kid sees something they want like a toy or game and you can’t/don’t want to buy it tell them to “put it on the list.”
If they’re the type of kid that will follow through then you have a handy list for Christmas or birthdays. If not, then they’ll forget about it.
Helps avoid arguments in the store because you aren’t really saying no.
Not a parent, but a teacher. My best "hack" aims to tackle oppositional defiance, a fancy way of saying "a kid who does the opposite of what you've asked, just because you've asked".
This strategy is called choice/choice.
Let's say you ask your 4-5 y/o to go get her shoes, and she screams "No!". Instead of repeating the demand, ("Get your shoes now, or else!) present the illusion of choice. "You have two choices: If you go get your own shoes, I will let you pick which pair you wear today. If you do not get your own shoes, I will pick what you wear today. " The choices you offer can sometimes provide incentive towards the choice you want then to choose.
Giving children choices provides them with limited freedom and individuality. This is important in developing your child's confidence in their own choices.
Choice/ choice can also be used to encourage children to take responsibility. I have a student in my class who is very oppositional defiant. If I say go to the right, he goes to the left. He will constantly try to push the limits of our classroom rules. When he does this, I offer him choice/ choice. I prefer this method with him because it leaves no room for him to argue, or blame me when he doesn't get what he wants.
For example, if he has an upset outburst in class, I will say, "You have two choices: You can either use your coping skills and stay in the classroom, or you can take a break in our buddy room. You have thirty seconds to make your choice. It is up to you." This works better than "Go to the office!" or traditional punishment because 1. I'm allowing him to have some control, 2. I'm giving him a time frame, 3. I'm not placing blame, 4. I'm stating the choices in a calm way (no invitation for aggression), and 5. the choices are concrete enough that he can't manipulate the outcome.
I'd highly recommend this strategy to anyone who has a child who is displaying defiant/argumentative behavior.
Skipping the command phase in the first place is the best way to implement illusion of choice. "Which of these shirts do you want to wear today?" won't trigger resistance the way "it's time to get dressed for school" can. Even if the answer is "not those shirts," you're heading in a more productive direction than you would end up with if you gave the opportunity to reject getting dressed or going to school entirely.
Don’t chew your kids out in front of other people. Pull them aside and talk to them in private. It helps them to trust you and it helps them to save face in front of others. It’s a win-win.
When the baby is nursing, fill a hot water bottle and put it in the crib or bassinet. Then if (when) then baby falls asleep at the breast, he or she won't be shocked awake by being put down on cold sheets.
But do not leave the bottle in the crib with them! Cribs should be empty of everything except Baby and the fitted sheet over the mattress.
Draw semi circles on the insides of their shoes that match up to make a full circle when the shoes are on the right side of each other.
When mine were younger, say, three or four, and it was close to time to stop playing at the park or in the pool, I always gave them plenty of warning using a concrete timeline that they could understand. Instead of saying "we're leaving soon" or "five more minutes", I would tell them something like "ok, let me see you jump in the pool. Seven more jumps and we're leaving ". Sometimes the number was higher, but never less than five. Less than five was always met with "come on, just one more!!" Which usually wasn't allowed. Seven or more was always such a big number that they seemed to get their fill and were ready to go when it was time.
We got 10 5 and 2 minute warnings but it was always a lot longer than 10 minutes because if we were at a friend's house or something my mother never really wanted to leave and stop chatting either!
Mother of two teenagers. Don't just listen but ask. Ask questions that can't be answered with a yes or no. Then follow up with a few more questions about the answers given, and before you know it, they are talking to you without trying. Example: I don't ask my kids "How was your day?". I ask something very specific like "I see you are reading 'certain book' in class. I don't think I read that, what's it about?". They generally give me a brief rundown so I follow up with maybe "do you have to do a project on it? What ideas do you have?", things like that. After 1 or 2 questions like that they just keep talking about the class, then the class after or before then I know their whole day. They've gotten so use to just conversing with me, I don't have to try that hard to get the ball rolling anymore unlike some of my friends who are amazed my teenage kids actually talk to me. Also, those conversation starter questions are a great go to. At dinner, no one is allowed a phone, even us adults. So I have a list of conversation starters and just start asking and everyone has to answer the question. Often times will only get to the 2nd or 3rd question before we've moved on to a totally different and offbeat topic, having a really great and fun conversation about something random, like is a hamburger a sandwich or it's own thing? Or is Indiana Jones central to his own storyline? You know, the important stuff.
If you threaten a consequence, follow through 100% of the time. Kids will test boundaries at every age, you just have to make it appropriate for their age group.
“If you throw sand again we are leaving the beach “ - you must leave the beach
“If you don’t clean your room no screen time tomorrow” - no screen time.
The key is to make the consequences not impact you to the point that you don’t want to follow through since it will ruin your day too. A hard line to toe, but boy do boundaries and trust work.
Edit: explained further below
Kids will always test boundaries 100%. But that doesn’t mean you go full force consequence every time. This is different than giving a consequence every time- you can explain why you don’t want them to throw the sand first. Talk to them about why they threw it. Take them in the water for a bit. But if you threaten to leave the beach once all of those things fail, you have to follow through.
A teen breaking curfew once is not a “take away your phone and computer and you’re grounded for 3 months” consequence. But maybe the 12th time is.
Parents, if your child doesn't have the option of what he or she has to do, don't give a yes or no option to them. Simply tell them what they have to do and quit ASKING them if they want to do it. Because if a kid HAS to do something and you give him the option of saying no, and he says no, then all you've done is set your kid up for being confused and angry. Why do so many parents do this to their kids anyway?
If they are cranky, put them in water.
I have teenagers, this is still the method that I use. Even having them wash their hands or face does wonders.
To be fair, I do it with my husband too. So really, I guess it's just works for humans.
When my kids were little my wife worked at a health club and I would take the kids swimming in the evening. We'd always pack their PJs for their clothes they'd change into after swimming. That way, they got out of the pool, showered, and changed in to pajamas. They didn't always go to bed right when we got home, but they were always ready for bed when we got home.
It was my wife's idea.
If you have a hard time getting them to eat their vegetables give them before the dinner because thats when they are hungry and will eat almost anything, give them some carrots and cucumbers in a glass which is a great snack.
I used to 'steal' veggies when my parents were prepping dinner, and my mom told me recently that if she was dicing peppers for something, she'd leave a few pepper sticks aside for me, and pretend to not notice them disappear, lol.
We are trying to get our kids to understand money by explaining how much stuff costs relative to something they find valuable. "Your new glasses are worth 3 bikes, so be very careful with them." "Why didn't we go to Disneyland for vacation? Because it would cost 10 trampolines... And we had to build a new fence which also cost 10 trampolines... And mom and dad don't have enough for 20 trampolines."
I also play a game at the grocery store with my kids where I let them guess how much the groceries are going to cost. They would guess what they thought was a high number like $75 and then it would ring through at $250 and their mouths would just hang open. "That's why I get mad when you waste food! I could have bought almost 3 bikes with that money!"
Learn to say thank you and I’m sorry to them. It makes you closer and helps your relationship with them no matter what age.
Experiences are better than things.
Waking up before them makes the day a lot easier.
Find a way to see them when you’re driving.
Not number 4, watch the road when driving, nearly had a couple of accidents with people paying attention to kids ion the car and not to the road, if you have to stop the car and deal with whatever issue you need to.
I told my son that I was allergic to whining. Any time he started whining I did a bunch of fake sneezing and he would apologize immediately and stop being whiney! It worked for most of elementary school!
There is a huge difference between whining and complaining/communicating/ saying something is wrong. Parents -more often than not- know the difference.
Teach them how to express their feelings and validate them when they do.
And not punish them for those feelings or tell them their feelings are wrong.
One day out of desperation I made my daughters do Rock, Paper, Scissors 3 times and winner gets their choice of whatever they were fighting about (usually what TV show to watch 1st), then loser gets a turn. They started doing this automatically and stopped coming to me to solve the issue. What a win!!
To get a newborn to burp:
Sit them on your knee, holding them under their armpits, and move their upper bodies in a circle several times. Like a reverse hula move I guess.
I learned it from a neonatal nurse, and it's almost infallible. So much faster and more reliable than regular burping.
Lol, percolating the baby until the burp gets to the top.
So the children won't ask me, repeatedly, to buy a new toy on any given shopping trip - I allow them to choose a "store toy" to keep them company for the duration of the visit. They care for it, typically while sitting in a shopping cart, and then bid it farewell in a goodbye ritual at checkout ("bye store toy! See you next time!"). They are sated after that and there is never drama.
You mean put it back where you got it, right? Not 'ditch it at the checkout'.
No a parent, but when I was a child my mom would hide her 4 glass birds (little sculptures she had) around the house. My sister and I had to look for them. We had to be very careful while looking so we didnt break them. If we broke one, we lost. If we left drawers/door/cabinets open, we lost.
You would think that we could tie and each find two birds, but it never happened. We would go to mom when we gave up, and she would hide them all over again.
It wasnt until I was an adult did I realize that she never hid a fourth bird. But boy did we spend a *looong* time looking
I don't get this.. Is the point to keep them occupied? Sounds like an easy way to make one kid very upset.
Whenever we go to the grocery store instead of listening to my son(4 years old) cry about all of the stuff he can't have I just tell him he can have one thing and one thing only. So he grabs cookies. Then when we get to the ice cream isle he decides he wants ice cream, then changes to Captain crunch. But every time we go back and put up the last thing he chose. It teaches him to decide what he really wants instead of wanting everything and whining the whole time.
Put sunscreen on at home, before you get to the beach/pool/park. They know we're not going anywhere till it's on. Saves me from the scramble at the destination because they're always too excited to hold still and I'm in a rush, so it's not a thorough job. Sunscreen takes 20 minutes to kick in anyway.
Most people that they're not using enough sunblock and that it takes at least 20 minutes to start working. Sunblock is a chemical reaction. If you just slap it on when you're already in the sun you're going to start sweating it off immediately.
I always put it on at home when my girls were little. I told them SCARECROW and they would stand like a scarecrow on a post and I'd slather them in sunblock
I also do it before putting on a bathing suit, so no "forgotten" lines around straps that will get burned
Except for a brief period of stubbornness in my early teens, I don't remember putting up much of a fight about sunscreen. I'm ghost pale; the natural consequences of not using it were pretty immediate. Plus we used sunscreen from the now-defunct company Ocean Potion that smelled like fruit loops (later marketed as 'Scent of Sunshine') and I loved the smell.
1. Any food they didn't like was labeled turkey. They are 12 and 8 and only just realized fish isn't turkey. They would always wonder why turkey has so many different flavors and how they like some but not others. 😂
2. Starting as soon as they can walk, ask for help for just about everything. And they will help and enjoy being needed. And when they do tasks and ask for help, help them. They will always help if you teach them to do it as a family instead of an individual task. Clean house...yes, please!
3. Biggest one of all - listen to them. Everything they say to you is really important to them, no matter how stupid it is. And learn what they like, even if it's boring. This comes in handy when they're older.
My daughter would run away from me at the grocery store when I had my infant son in the cart. So I put tap shoes on her when we went shopping.
I make kid traps. It works for all ages. I have an early riser, an enthusiastic 5am early riser for many years. Things are better now. During those tough years, my invention came to fruition and age of child is a factor as well as placement of the traps. With little ones. you need traps all over the house and the key spot is right outside the door, placed after the child goes to bed.
This is what all those shoes boxes you have are best recycled for. Inside the box you will place a number of surprises. That can entertain the child. really, it can be anything that will not harm them. it could be several rolls of cardboard toilet paper. blocks, a couple of figurines, weird stuff. Again nothing that can harm them.
With smaller kids that get into everything, you need these all over the house so that when they open a drawer or cupboard, it's the first thing they find and instead of ripping the tape out of your classic VHS tapes or ripping your comic collection to shreds, they go through all the all the things in the kid trap. You do need to replace items in the boxes frequently.
As the child gets older more art supplies should be included, drawing materials, crafty things, pieces of clothing, books, games, stickies. It really works. don't give them stickers. I hate stickers.
until they learn to forage. That's code for feed themselves.
good luck
Mine figured out if she played quietly she wouldn't get in trouble. So we baby proofed her room and put up a gate. She wasn't alone for long, maybe 20 minutes before hubs and I got up.
Routines are great just generally.
Also in the early days making sure the child knows the difference between day and night is really useful in teaching them that night time is quiet time. The amount of friends who get their newborn baby up when it cries in the night and then play with it baffles me.
I think it's more important for newborns to be cared for than to understand night time.
Whenever either of my toddlers was crying or whining in the car, I would point to something invisible out the window and say "hey! do you see that over there?!" By the time they realized they couldn't figure out what I was pointing at, they'd forgotten the reason they were whining. Amazing how many times that worked.
During the years their bedtime is 8pm or earlier, put away your laptop and phone and just say 'yes' to anything they want to play. Much easier for everyone.
yes, let's play tag 10 minutes before bed, that will surely help them be calm for sleep 🙄. i think it's better to play quiet games, or read, or watch something snuggled up together.
When my kids disagree or are arguing I will give them a false dilemma. For example, we are going to dinner and my daughter wants to go to restaurant A and my son wants to go to Restaurant B. We decide to go to Restaurant B but tell my daughter that she gets to pick where everyone sits.
FYI, it works on co-workers fairly well too.
I have triplets and when they were small and losing it I would put a post-it note on my own forehead and never mention it.
I would come and do the usual stuff to see what the tantrum was about with post-it note on and they would stop for a second and be like “what is on your face” loosening the locked internal gears of their minds.
It still works at six years however I now usually have to draw something funny on my face (like angry cartoon eyebrows).
Hope this helps someone.
Two best pieces of advice that i got: 1. Pick your battles. Example, Teenage son wanted to bleach his hair. I think: Permanent? No. Will it affect college, relationships or career? No. Ok, son, i will take you to a salon, and we will do it right. Son: eh, nevermind. 2. Once they get to their teenage years, all you can really do is help them get through it. *this advice given early implying if you give them a solid foundation, hopefully you have prepared them and have a good relationship with them. Other than six months of total crazy his jr year, his adolescence was pretty painless for both of us.
Absolutely, both my sons had highlights, colours, long hair, short hair as teenagers. Got to wear whatever they were happy in .Now one (27 ) has an ear piercing and 2 tattoos, long hair the other (30) has none and short hair. Every child is an individual
If you have treats, give them to one child to hand out to the others.
Siblings have a lot of negative interactions. There's jealousy, competition for resources, perceived injustices. You have to create opportunities for them to have positive interactions.
The simplest way of doing this is with treats.
If you're passing out cookies, give them both to Child 1 and say: "here, this one's for you and take the other to your sister". (Obviously you need to be right there to see that they do it, lol.)
There's nothing nicer than to see a kid saying to another kid: "here, this is for you" and the other kid saying "thanks!" It warms your heart, and they actually really enjoy it, too.
Same goes with gifts, good news etc. "Hey LO, tell your little brother we're going to the beach tomorrow"— that kind of thing.
They'll cherish the memories, too.
Dont take the tablets away, take the chargers away. They have to ration the battery and helps em become less dependent on it.
Depends on age. As a teenager I would just go round to my friends house if my parent took my charger and then charge my phone there.
Let your baby watch you fall asleep.
If it's their bedtime, don't play on your phone or read a book. They are following your lead. So be boring, close your eyes, and be still and quiet, and they will learn to, too.
Not a parent but a preschool teacher! If a certain child doesn't want to wear their jacket while outside, we'll usually just slip it on backwards & zip it up the back; it's harder for them to get off, they always think it's so silly, and they'll use the hood as an extra pocket (usually for wood chips and dirt lol)
Same with little ones sleeping bags when they go to bed. When they get old enough to unzip it put it on the other way round. Doesn't worj for twins because they just unzip eachothers!
If a child falls or gets hurt, let THEM tell you how much they're hurting. Never react until they do. If one of my kids fell (I was a nanny, not a mom) my first reaction would be to hold for a second or two and evaluate if I saw any real problems (blood, etc), follow up with a calm "Op, you okay?" If a parent or authority figure freaks out every time they fall, it teaches them that minor scrapes and bruises are really something to freak out over. A kid knows when he's really hurt, and he'll let you know. If it's just a bump, they don't panic because you're not panicking. Part of growing up means figuring out what pain is and learning how much isn't a big deal.
When my son tripped and fell i always asked if he found something - no? - why are you throwing yourself down then? Normally he would laugh, shrug and continue walking... he only cried if it really hurt bad.
I use my toddler's fierce independence as a weapon against him.
When he refuses to do something, like clean up, I threaten to do it for him.
His boiling rage at the thought of anyone helping him blinds him and he does whatever I told him to before I have a chance to steal his glory.
Best not to encourage this toxic trait long-term. Better to explain why we should clean up and ask when he wants to do it. Now, or after dinner etc.
When you feel like yelling, start singing instead. It helps you exert that extra little bit of energy without screaming.
I made the kids ‘choose’ they’re own car seats. Made it ‘theirs’, and that no one else can sit in it.
This pride of ownership made them fine and okay with always getting and sitting in their carseats til they no longer needed them. Never a screaming match like I’ve seen with other people’s kids.
Not a parent, but I worked at a daycare. Instead of saying “no” all of the time when they are younger, try to say “no thank you” instead. I thought it was weird when I started, but they respond to it so much better. Also, if they’re being really naughty, a firm “no” will sound more alarming and serious too.
Not a parent but babysitting I had two tricks:
-always count down time to prevent surprises, no matter how much of a routine it is ("15 minutes until pajama time!" "10 minutes until brush teeth!" "5 minutes until bed time") helps ease them into the s**t they hate so they don't get blindsided by it while they're having fun.
-The second trick was to turn anything I could into a game if I got the sense they were wanting to be difficult. I babysat 3 kids for a few years and any time they started to get tantrumy about brushing their teeth we'd play a game; I brush the oldest kid's teeth, the oldest one brushes the middle kids teeth, the middle kid brushes the youngest, and the youngest brushes mine (cause I can touch up the worst job later) By the end of it everyone is laughing and having a good time. Or we make teams and race, me and the youngest vs the two older kids.
You don't always have the time and energy but on the rare occasions you do, you may as well have a bit of fun.
My babysitting trick for tantrums was to hold the child upside down - the novelty of looking at things upside down distracts them from the tantrum and puts them in a better mood.
When you go grocery shopping with a small child, park near the cart corral. You don't have to play the awkward game of choosing to leave your child in the cart or the car when returning the cart. Make them feel a sense of control by giving reasonable choices. "Do you want to walk to bed or be carried?" "Do you want to wear the blue shoes or the red ones?" "Would you like cheese or a banana for snack?"
For an infant? Babywearing. Hands are free, kid is pretty chill, strangers can’t grab or grope. And the book “The Magic Years”by Selma Fraiberg
For older kids- I didn’t tell them “No” with no explanation. Instead I’d say “that’s dirty.” Or “That’s not for babies.” Or “that’s hot” whatever the core issue was. When they got to 2, they didn’t parrot back “No!” About everything.
I Wrapped a cheap bottle of air freshener with a piece of paper labeled “monster spray” and spritzed the closet and under the bed to repel any monsters from the room during that developmental stage. Kid went on a sleepover and asked his aunt if she had monster spray because he was worried. She was quick on her feet and told him she has an exterminator that sprays monthly for bugs and monsters. He slept fine. He’s a grown man, has no memory of the spray but still has a strong love of the particular scent I used!
Get a cheap stopwatch, challenge kid to see how fast they can run to the mailbox and back, or how fast can they go to the end of the yard and back. Even without someone to race, they seem to like the novelty of being timed to do anything. It got my kids worn out before starting the bedtime routine.
If they’re getting bored on the playground and not playing, make up a scavenger hunt or obstacle course. “Go see if you can go up yellow stairs then through a blue tunnel and then down a red slide.” “See if you can find me 15 pinecones” “how big of a tower can you build out of these woodchips?” They suddenly have some direction and aren’t bored. (You can also do this with sticks or pinecones in the yard before cutting the grass! “How big of a pile can you make in 5 minutes?”)
Never ask a yes/no question.
When they are teenagers that don’t want to talk about those day. Offer to drive them somewhere with a friend. Turn the radio louder in the back and quiet in the front. They’ll speak loudly to each other over the radio and assume you can’t hear them. You’ll get all the good gossip.
Or with the last one... maybe respect your teen's privacy sometimes?
Teach your kids to describe tastes instead of just saying “I like it or I don’t like it”, and don’t allow the word “yucky” or “gross”. Crunchy, soft, chewy, creamy, crispy, salty, sweet, bitter, green, slippery, juicy, rough, hard, fruity, meaty, mild, spicy, hot, cold, and gritty are all good ones. When you’re trying a new food, the rule is that they need to try a few bites and describe exactly what it tastes like. So celery could be crunchy and stringy and strong but mild at the same time. Salmon with panko crusting is salty and soft but with a bit of crunch and tastes good with a bit of sour lemon on it. Tomatoes are slippery and mild and not really sweet or sour, but they taste good with a little salt and the heat from pepper.
It gets kids more interested in experiencing food instead of judging it just based on whether they think they will like it. It prevents a bit of “I don’t like it”, “you’ve never tried it so how do you know you don’t like it”, “I just know” kind of scenarios, and helps them describe why they like or don’t care for certain foods. I don’t expect my kids to eat everything and tell me they love it, but I do expect them to ty it and give it a fair chance. It’ll also help prevent embarrassment if you take them to someone’s home and have them be like “BUT I DON’T LIKE _____” if you teach them to simply say “it’s not my favourite” or “can I have more of _____ and just three bites of _____”.
It’ll also help them learn what they need to do to foods that aren’t their favourite to make them enjoy them more - plain avocado might not be their jam, but with salt and pepper or mixed into guacamole, it’s actually pretty good. Cauliflower raw or roasted might not be their favourite, but cooked and puréed into a creamy soup with bacon and green onions and shredded cheddar is their favourite. You’ll learn what flavours your kid likes and you can use this to alter recipes to make them more palatable. I learned that my son who I thought hated meat actually just struggled with drier cuts, so I choose thighs or ground meats or make sure that it’s got a sauce of sorts. My older son likes cheese on its own but not always on things, so he’ll often have a deconstructed version of whatever we are eating so he can pair things as he likes, while my youngest eats better with food mixed together.
I have always allowed my little girl to try whatever I am eating. Bites me in the bump now as she always wants my jacket potato skin and that's my favourite part!
When any of her kids (me included) would start up the endless "why?" cycle, my mom would ask us "why do *you* think it's like that?" in response. More often than not, it put any one of us on the spot to have to mull something over and stop (or at least slow) the cycle.
If nothing else, I think it taught me how to better word my questions to get a more effective answer. I always hated when adults would say "because I said so" when really they didn't know any more than I did.
Best advice we ever got from our doctor - babies don't have a good circadian rhythm and rely on us to set one for them. Pick a time that you're going to go to quiet time - basically turn out lights, TV off and/or volume down, do quiet activities, sit still, etc. We did this with our first child and it became the center of our evening routine. Now my son is 3 and knows that when the clock says "7-0-0" it means "settle down time" and helps to turn the lights out. A routine is key -- our kids do great transitioning from one setting to another like home and school, on vacation, etc.
I mean, they're little a-hole toddlers a lot of the time, but that's expected with toddlers.
My kids always want to watch TV before bed. I am not a TV on to sleep person and did not want to get them over stimulated before bed. So, an hour before they get to pick out a nature documentary (octopus is the go-to at the moment). After the 30 min or so, it turns off, and they go lay in bed. That time the nature show is on they naturally calm down. It is pavlovian at this point.
Have a baby who turns away as you're about to wipe their face?
"Wipe" your own face first. The nonverbal communication allows the baby to understand what's happening. Might not work at first, but keep at it. The child will start to let you wipe.
Let them be messy sometimes. I'm a neat freak so this was hard for me at first. Doesn't matter what kind of home you have, just put them in the tub with those bath paints, or tape some trash bags to a kid table or the ground and let them paint. Don't worry about the mess, they will have fun and it's building good memories.
This one is kind of mean, but eh? When one of my kids wants something I'm eating, I just say "you don't like this, remember?" 😁
We got those rolls of paper and some finger paints and mum would tape a long strip of paper to the floor to colour or paint
The best hack is to treat your children and your spouse with the love, respect, and dignity you expect for yourself. And to as much as possible guide and lead rather than decree and enforce. All family dynamics flow from this principle in all settings.
As for gimmicky things:
For my early grade school aged children, they are only asked to fully organize their room and playroom occasionally or before multifamily house parties.
The playroom had a walk-in closet with a keyed doorknob.
Any time that they do not straighten up their toys as asked. there is no argument. They are given a final warning and then I simply clean for them, dispassionately.
Anything I pick up is bagged and goes into the locked closet until they earn it back through chores. This process forces compliance with cleaning and organizing requests, provides collateral for negotiation, and eliminates clutter they do not really care about.
A befriended couple insisted that their son has to tidy up his room on his own from a very young age (2 or 3 years old). But they never showed him how you tidy up, he was just expected to know how to store his toys properly. And the amount of toys would have overwhelmed me easily If I would have been the one to do it. There were piles of plushies, legos, cars... It was hard to see the floor under all these piles. Most of the times he would play in the living room or near at his room door because there was a little bit of room left to shut it. I had talked about this nonsense several times but his parents just told me: "He will learn that one day." But how?
Not a parent but a trick my dad told me for when we were little; if u want to sleep in, turn the heat down. The cold makes the kids sleep longer. Super simple and probably well known.
If you have a toddler who likes to get naked when they're supposed to be sleeping you can cut the feet off of footie pajamas and put them on them backwards (with the zipper on their back) and then they won't be able to get them off.
“Go touch your door”. It’s a minor reset that stops a behavior or ends an argument. Refusing gets upgraded to “go to room and stay”. “They usually opt quickly for the first choice thus effectively diffusing whatever behavior needed attention.
Bubbles! Seriously magical. For especially long car rides or traffic or just for fun. Keep some bubbles up front (cupholder ideally), turn on the a/c or fan, hold bubble wand up & instant stream of happiness! I’ve found myself doing this alone in cranky traffic jams & open the windows to spread the mirth and glee. Also, have tiny bubble bottles (like wedding favor sized) and easy to share with others in need out & about.
Unfortunately, you'll be left with wet, sticky upholstery. Also, if the bubbles get in the eyes of the person driving, that could cause an accident!
If you’re in a situation with more than 1 kid under the age of 8, and they are dawdling you can motivate them by telling them the first one done is the winner.
Whenever my son goes to have a snack or a treat I tell him. “Let me taste it to make sure it’s not poison”. So free bites of snacks is cool
Before anyone gets too crazy, he knows it’s not real and has actually started taking my food to make sure it’s not poison. So it worked for a while now it has begun to backfire.... like most parenting tricks.
If your kid is doing something that’s annoying you, don’t yell at them for doing it, instead praise them for not doing it ( even if it’s only briefly). Instead of being pissy they will gratefully embrace the good behavior.
Two things: Give them small chores as soon as they can start simple reasoning (generally age 3-4). Make the chores fun, like feeding a pet every day. As they grow older, give more difficult chores. When they do chores without being asked, give a reward (not food - either monetary or a coupon for something they like to do). My daughter's "reward" was she would get to walk the dog. See where I'm going here?
She was getting paid $30 a month as an 8 year old. She was walking the dog three times a day, feeding the dog and cat, and bringing the laundry to the laundry room every day. Eventually we started her on dishes and laundry also and increased her pay. We rotated all the chores except for walking the dog, she loved that one.
The second thing is don't put up with their s**t when they are toddlers. You as a parent know when your child is crying because they didn't get their way. When this happens, explain to them that it's ok to be upset, and it's ok to cry, but they're going to do it in time out - and when she's done crying, she can come out.
About the third time my 3 year old daughter saw that I meant it, she wouldn't even make it to time out. She'd start to cry about whatever, and I'd point to time out and she'd get three steps toward time out and say "Ok *sniff* I'm done". You might think this is a small thing, but it transitions very nicely into a healthy parental obedience when they are in middle and even high school.
Also, If there are two parental figures in the house, you have to be on the same page. Try not to disagree with each other in front of the child. If your partner disciplines the kid for something, and you don't agree, ask to speak to them in the other room or bring it up later.
My daughter is 17, super well behaved, respectful to everyone, does great in school, and still does our dishes and laundry :)
I don't agree with the "time out for crying" because a child is essentially going to equate big emotions = punishment. "Yes, it's okay for you to be upset, but if you show it, you'll be punished." Noooope.
Give the baby a small toy while changing him and he won’t stick his hands in his own s**t.
My son used to rip off his own diaper (without even touching the actual diaper, don’t ask me how bc I don’t know) just to try to touch his poop🤦🏼♀️
The first 3 minutes when they wake up, the first 3 minutes when you fetch them from school and the last 3 minutes before they go to sleep - try to be calm, present and loving for those 9 minutes a day.
Saying “peanut butter” directly after swearing. I have a 6 & 4 year old that have never repeated a cuss word.
However, my friend’s autistic daughter (11) called me out on it immediately.
I consider it an unmitigated success, still.
Swore normally (not excessively) around my kid, he never repeated it til he was a teen! (Yet my nephew would parrot anything he heard anyone say lol, all kids are different.)
Make ice pops, frozen water with a stick in it. When you want to reward them or if they are sad/hurt give them a ice pop. It's just water (which is good) and no sugar and kids love them.
Learned this at the preschool and worked until age 6 or so.
Stay off your phones when you are with your child, and don't use screens to pacify them. If you are pushing your baby in a stroller, talk to them, not to someone else on your phone. If you are in a restaurant with your kids, talk to them: don't give them an ipad to keep them quiet. If your toddler is in the grocery cart you are pushing, talk to them, don't be scrolling on your phone. When your kids sees that your phone is more important to you than they are, it will have a long-lasting effect on them and on your relationship to them.
Let them use odd items to eat with. Spatulas are great spoon surrogates for example. When they’re a little older you can let them choose.
He who pays for the wifi, is God. Changing a password goes a long way in kid world.
This worked with mu son. He is Autistic and was attacking teachers in class. When he would come home I would tell him there was no Internet for the evening and that we would start again in the morning and hope for a better day. He is now in his 2nd year of University studying IT
Obligatory not a parent but please don’t be like “oh you like this” when your child says they don’t. First of all it shows that you aren’t willing to listen to their opinion, and if they don’t like it and you think it’s in their best interest to like it, state why they should like it instead of just being like “eat it.” My parents do that to me all the time to things I really don’t like, and instead of making me want to try it it just makes me hate it and gain a form of resentment. I already have issues with my mom so this is kinda biased but if your child doesn’t like you that much don’t do that that just is really bad. Reward based behavior works much better than punishment.
Also, I am proof that you need to follow through with discipline because I know I can get what I want from my mom if I beg enough. I know this is bad but I’m still a human and I want what I want and am willing to do what’s necessary to get it.
Honestly I hate the way I’m acting and I know it’s bad behavior but I can’t seem to stop it. I’m such a f*****g a*****e
I didn't see this one on here, but very important: kids learn EVERYTHING from you in the early years. They are little mimics. If you yell and throw little tantrums in front of them over things that frustrate you, they learn that's okay to do. All your bad behaviors will be mirrored back to you, BUT -- also all your good behaviors, too. Teach them by example (e.g., kids learn to be polite when you are polite to them).
I’ve heard that if a baby doesn’t want to go to sleep, you can gently blow on their eyes to get them to close them and eventually drift off.
I always stroked their eyebrows or between their eyebrows. Lulls them to sleep (almost) every time.
So parenting is treating children like decent and real humans depending on their age. Hm. How surprising.
I'm not a parent, but I'm an aunt of 3 young kids. My sister is doing early intro with gentle teeth brushing with her kids as soon as they sprouted their teeth. Good habits start as soon as possible.
Yes! And the little ones love being part of the older kids and brushing their teeth with their siblings
Load More Replies... When my younger siblings were being fussy and refusing to eat food we found it worked amazing if we have them a round of applause after each mouthful. They found it hilarious and loved the attention so kept eating. I'm not meaning like when they had only a bit left on their plate and were full I mean them being classic toddlers and whining that they don't like the things they liked yesterday. It works up to age 5 roughly. After that they pretend not to like it but you can tell they absolutely do and it still often works they're just trying to be a big kid
Also, remember that children are individuals, and what works wonderfully for some might not work at all for others. It's just a matter of trial and error, and trying your best.
give those little creatures access to tumblr if they keep asking you to let them download snapchat or anything else like that. if they dont get driven away by how weird it is there, its okay too, just means youve introduced that child to their people and they are now content there because no other social media site has people like tumblr that they connected with.
So parenting is treating children like decent and real humans depending on their age. Hm. How surprising.
I'm not a parent, but I'm an aunt of 3 young kids. My sister is doing early intro with gentle teeth brushing with her kids as soon as they sprouted their teeth. Good habits start as soon as possible.
Yes! And the little ones love being part of the older kids and brushing their teeth with their siblings
Load More Replies... When my younger siblings were being fussy and refusing to eat food we found it worked amazing if we have them a round of applause after each mouthful. They found it hilarious and loved the attention so kept eating. I'm not meaning like when they had only a bit left on their plate and were full I mean them being classic toddlers and whining that they don't like the things they liked yesterday. It works up to age 5 roughly. After that they pretend not to like it but you can tell they absolutely do and it still often works they're just trying to be a big kid
Also, remember that children are individuals, and what works wonderfully for some might not work at all for others. It's just a matter of trial and error, and trying your best.
give those little creatures access to tumblr if they keep asking you to let them download snapchat or anything else like that. if they dont get driven away by how weird it is there, its okay too, just means youve introduced that child to their people and they are now content there because no other social media site has people like tumblr that they connected with.
