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Childhood can be a very strange time, since one has all their senses but not a good frame of reference for things. The result is that new settings, be it a foreign country or just visiting a friend’s home for the first time. So it shouldn’t be surprising that upon getting to adulthood, people often see their entire childhood in a new light.
Someone asked “What’s a “normal” childhood experience you later realized was actually traumatic?” and people shared their experiences. Be warned, some of these get a bit dark. So get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorites and be sure to add your own thoughts in the comments below.
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#1
Never receiving any hugs from my parents. Or valuable advice. Not even when I cried/was hurt physically. Comfort was quite absent, too. I only realized few years ago when I saw an 17 year old teenager leaning against his dad and telling him about his struggles about an upcoming big decision.
Never have had that level of support and comfort and it still makes my eyes water when I think about it in weak moments. .
StrangeOne 9 months ago
Why do some parents do this? Sometimes I got nurtured. Sometimes I got eyerolls, shouted at and ignored.
DumbAmerican 9 months ago
I ask myself this question daily. I experienced (and still do) that form of emotional neglect from my parents. If I was upset/sad/mad - any kind of 'uncomfortable' emotion, the problem was that I had a problem. They weren't ever on my side, in a manner of speaking. To this day, they do this. If I or my wife or anyone else doesn't like something they say or do, it's met with an eye roll and "Oh, it's just not a big deal." I struggle mightily feeling like my feelings matter to anyone at all.
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MsPlants 9 months ago
I always find it weird, in a good way, when I see people close with there parents. Like I wonder what that would be like to be that close to them. to be able to depend on someone whole heartedly your whole life. Ive never had that with either of my parents so I find it fascinating.
Jane Jayne Jain Jeign Jein 9 months ago
I totally get this. Sometimes seeing the simplest signs of affection between a parent and child can just blow me away. Definitely fascinating. I also love watching sheep protecting their lambs, for the same reason. How come ewes can do it but some humans just can't?
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Panda Kicki 9 months ago
I realized this when a friend spent a weekend with us, we yad kids in the same age. Something felt off and then I saw that while I hugged my kids a lot and told them I loved them, and how great they where I didnt see a single sign of affection from my friend to her kids. When she spoke about them it was only complains, and not the humorous "gah, you know kids, wink, wink" but like ate really resented them. Our friendship got lost there. It felt like I never really knew her at all.
Riley Quinn 9 months ago
It's still difficult to watch family dramas where the parents express their love for one another and their kids. A happy, healthy family is such an alien concept it borders on sci-fi.
Little Bit 8 months ago
I hug my daughters every day and tell them that I love them. I tell them they can come to me with any problem and talk to me about anything. I couldn't do this to my mother because she was mostly unapproachable and I would just get yelled at.
Doctor Strange 8 months ago
I could never ask my parents for help, because I never knew if I would get help, get whatever it was I needed help with taken away and done for me, or get yelled at for needing help.
RELATED:
#2
Constantly walking on eggshells to avoid making my dad angry.
DowntownStevieB 9 months ago
Same. I'm almost 40 now and my dad still expects this of us. I finally gave up the act and don't pander to his "big feelings" anymore. We don't speak.
Lara Verne 9 months ago
Same here. He once told me: Do as I say and I won't need to get angry" I did as he said - and he got angry. Seems like my very existence was upsetting him....
Jessica Gilbert 9 months ago
For me it was my mother. I had to look to see if my mother was sleeping on the couch. If so, I was not allowed to get food in the kitchen until she was awake.
Riley Quinn 9 months ago
We could tell what mood my mother was in by the sound of the tires on the gravel drive-way. Even with that 6th sense forewarning, we knew to expect the unexpected.
#3
"Talking back". Turns out they just wanted me to be silent and have no opinion or feelings. My mother and stepfather used to constantly say how I was mouthy and constant talked back- well yeah, how else am I supposed to communicate? Smoke signals?
StrangeOne 9 months ago
"Don't get smart", "Smarten up" and "Don't talk back" are all ways of saying "I feel insecure that someone younger than me is reminding me I'm not better than them."
Sonny 8 months ago (edited)
There have been many times I have overheard parents tell their kids, “Why are you talking back!?” And im thinking, ‘Because that is how conversations work, Becky.’ I think that it is not what the kid says, it it how they say it, and they sould say sassing back, or something. Talking back makes it sould like the kid sould be seen and not heard.
Riley Quinn 9 months ago
I was raised that a child should be seen and not heard. Just didn't realize that rule would last until young adulthood.
Jane Jayne Jain Jeign Jein 9 months ago
Where my opinions differed from my mother's (which was in practically everything) she always took it as a personal affront.
Brenda 8 months ago
I was allowed to state my opinion/ask questions as long as I did it respectfully. Heck, we talked about what I did before any punishment cause I might have had a good reason!
Little Bit 8 months ago
I always hated it when I was asked a question and if I answered I was told "don't you answer me back". If I didn't answer I got, "Well *****ing answer me then!" I just couldn't win.
#4
The silent treatment. I still assume that someone is angry when they’re quiet. I’m 70.
oldandafraid 9 months ago
This should be number 1. There was an immediate withdrawal of affection and lack of acknowledgement when they were mad. So much so that I became a bedroom kid and turned in to a bedroom adult. Even when I moved out, I hang out in my room rather than the living room, as it's my safe space.
StrangeOne 9 months ago
Ugh, my ex's parents did this. I could never tell who they were angry towards.
Awkward lady 9 months ago
My mum was always doing that to me and my dad. She kept it up against him for a whole week once, I can't remember why she was angry. I vowed to never behave like that. If there's a problem, don't sulk, talk about it! Btw I'm 70 as well.
Little Bit 8 months ago
If I ever dared to disagree with my mother she would not speak to me and refuse to acknowledge my existence and i would literally be left to fend for myself until I had literally got on my knees and begged for forgiveness, even if I wasn't the one who was in the wrong.
#5
I wasn't really allowed to complain or express frustration with my experiences because someone in my family had had it worse when they were my age.
Enlee Jones 9 months ago
My dad used pull that s**t to shut me up. It didn’t make me grateful for what I had, it just pissed me off because apparently my feelings were invalid.
hardrad2009 9 months ago
«I was already laying bricks in your age”. Yes dad, and I still think that it was not normal to lay bricks when you were eleven years old.
Panda Kicki 9 months ago
This can be a nice turn tables if you hear them complain later in life.
Riley Quinn 9 months ago
A very strange argument to make when you consider it's the parents' role to provide a better life for their kids than the ones they had. The "I suffered" stories do nothing to improve the situation.
Little Bit 8 months ago
My mother would say, "You can always come to me if you have a problem. You can talk to me about anything" then when I tried to talk to her if I had a problem, I got, "You don’t know you're born! There are people Fad worse off than you, you know!"
Kat Alison 9 months ago
THIS. No matter how bad things were for me or how bad I felt, I could never get much empathy.
#6
Being told ‘stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about’—like, oh cool, emotional suppression unlocked at age 5.
Rebecca O’Donnell 9 months ago
I learned at a very early age never show emotion in front of my mother because of that statement and because it gave her a weapon to use against me.
Tim Richards 9 months ago
This one hits home. Couple that with a belt snap for effect. I never got hit, but d**n that logic seemed weird to me even as a child.
oldandafraid 9 months ago
Yep, like how is 'giving me something to cry about' going to stop me crying??? I very rarely cry now and apologise when I do.
Robert T 9 months ago
That depends upon what you are crying about. If you are being a whiney little beep for no reason other than not getting your own way, like I occasionally was, then I can understand the parents' frustation and why they might say such a thing. If you are crying for a genuine reason, then that parent needs help!
justme 9 months ago
Except being a whiny little beep is developmentally appropriate for young children. They need to learn how to deal with disappointment, frustration or anger at being told no. Telling them not to cry or you'll hit them is not going to teach them how to self-regulate and get over not having their own way.
Load More Replies... Enlee Jones 9 months ago
You see this a lot on GenX message boards and they’re proud of it. It’s the weirdest thing and one big reason I had to leave those message boards.
Riley Quinn 9 months ago
When physically threatened for showing emotions it leads to more dysfunction as an emotionally-stunted adult who will withdraw in solitude or become frustrated and aggressive.
Shelly MacKenzie 8 months ago
Or the sister of this which was being backhanded and told “that’s for nothing. Wait until you do something…”
#7
Getting teased and/or made fun or for liking certain things as a young child.
My older sister often teased me for the tv shows i liked to watch and made fun of my drawings when i created my own pokemon for example.
Same thing in school.
I still remember every single instance in of it in detail. To this day i dont like to share my passions with people and supress strong displays if positive emotions around others.
Luke Branwen 9 months ago
I'm now 29, writing a Digimon story... never let the world break you 😁
Little Bit 8 months ago
My mother often ridiculed me about the things the I liked and enjoyed. I ended up feeling ashamed of the things that I enjoyed and would just act indifferent if anybody asked what I liked or if I was enjoying myself.
Ginger ninja 8 months ago
Doesnt stop when you reach adulthood. My mums boyfriend mocks me for liking Downton Abbey
#8
Always getting ‘constructive criticism’ instead of praise. Draw a picture? “That looks weird, you should fix the eyes on that.” Make a painting? “You chose weird colors. I wouldn’t have done it like that.” Get a 95% on a school project? “Why didn’t you get 100%?” It created people-pleasing tendencies which led to never feeling like anything I do is ENOUGH. I’m grown and married to a man who thinks sunshine radiates from my pores, but still feel often that my best isn’t great.
Firstname Lastname 9 months ago
I was in the same "why didn't you get a perfect score" boat and now I have a fear of failure and get overly upset with myself at slight hiccups.
Riley Quinn 9 months ago
Got all A's in all subjects, but failing grades for effort and conduct, which I was punished for. This was "obviously" a sign that I was a delinquent on a path to failure. The adults, including my parents, never figured out I was bored (easy A's) and needed to be bumped up a grade or two where I'd be challenged. So, yeah, by high school, I was so frustrated that I did become a delinquent.
Brenda 8 months ago
Only got in trouble if they knew I hadn't tried my best. D in Intro Algebra? Eh, we know you tried. C in Earth Science? Grounded until it improves. B in English? Hoo boy! Best subject, straight A's, i might as well just say goodbye to life until the next report card. And mom always encouraged our hobbies and interests
bElLa sTairZz 9 months ago
THIS barely talking to him lately, because whatever im doing during late highschool, its not what HE wishes HE did. its impossible
Geoffrey Scott 9 months ago
I preferred, "could you have done better?"..."no"..."ok". If they got a bad mark or grade, we always asked how the 'others' did. If the others in their same group, or the majority of the class bombed, the content was either poorly explained or misunderstood. 99% of the time, after a discussion with teacher, they knew and curved the entire classes' grade.
Little Bit 8 months ago
I nothing but negativity and criticism from my mother. Nothing i did was ever right, nothing I did was ever good enough, even when I got the highest grade in my whole school year. If I did well at something if she couldn't find an immediate flaw she would scrutinise it until either she found a fault or made one up.
#9
Being told to eat everything on my plate, regardless of whether I was still hungry or not. I now have no idea when I’m full unless I’m over full.
Rebecca O’Donnell 9 months ago
I had to sit at the dinner table until bedtime if I didn’t finish my meal. I’m grateful that it wasn’t served to me for breakfast and every other meal until it was all gone. I don’t like meat, especially liver, which my mother insisted I each twice a week because in her opinion I was anemic. And, to add insult to injury, my sister and mother were lousy cooks. :)
oldandafraid 9 months ago
We had the same thing, now my siblings and I all have some form of disordered eating.
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MsPlants 9 months ago
I hated cod with dill sauce. my step mom knew this so in high school when I was living with them but in sports, theater and work I wasnt home for every meal. She would specifically ask me what days I would be home during the week and would make that with out fail once a week on the days I was home. Dill makes my vomit. no joke if I have it it triggers my gag reflex and no matter what I do I will vomit. That is how much I hate this stull. Its the only thing in life that has ever done that and I have a large palate. anyways I would get in trouble ever god d**n time if I gagged or threw up because I was "faking" it just to get out of eating it or to be mean to her. didnt matter if they saw actual vomit come out I would be served a new piece and expected to finish it. I moved out the day I graduated.
Riley Quinn 9 months ago
Never a problem for me, but one of my brothers suffered from an intestinal disorder, so it was agony watching the way my mother forced him to eat.
Bored Sailor 9 months ago
Same for my dad and now with dementia we have to really careful how much we put on his plate and control extras. We have had problems with him saying he is full but won't stop eating because there is still food.
Sheena Leversedge Wood 6 months ago
great way to cause eating disorders. can you imagine forcing an adult to eat everything on their plate, even if they are full, or find a particular item disgusting?
Learner Panda 8 months ago
I was physically sick and vomited over something. My mum finally understood that I didn't like whatever it was.
Bored Trash Panda 8 months ago
Yep hated this. I tell my kid if he doesn't finish, he can put in on the counter and eat the rest later if he gets hungry again or throw it out if he doesn't. I don't like wasting food but I'm not going to force him to eat, and he is usually hungry a little bit later because he has a fast metabolism.
#10
Being a parent's therapist. You shouldn't be talking someone out of s*****e when you're 12.
Chuck Freiman 9 months ago
Why is the word "s*****e"edited out. It's the whole point of the message.
Riley Quinn 9 months ago
This is some clown's idea of not triggering people, but what they don't realize is how people aren't that stupid. People who are easily triggered don't spend hours on social media where anything goes.
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#11
Being made fun of when you go to parent with an uncomfortable situation. I was at a sleepover and another girl wanted to “play house” by laying on top of me. I was so uncomfortable I wanted to go home and afterwards my mom made fun of me for it. Guess who never went to their mom with feelings again.
Silly Vanilly <3 8 months ago
This ^ should have all the upvotes in the world.
Load More Replies... #12
Waiting for my dad to be in a good mood to ask him something.
oldandafraid 9 months ago
We'd always approach mum to ask him for something, not realising she was being abused by him too.
Riley Quinn 9 months ago
We developed "mood radar" at very young ages to spare us from what would happen if my mother wasn't in the mood to be a normal parent.
Mary Kelly 8 months ago
not saying this dad wasn't a*****e, but i think all kids learn not to ask their parents for anything when they are in a bad mood...
#13
Thinking that I’m inherently a mean, evil, broken person at age like….8 or 9.
When I watched inside out 2 it honestly shocked me that Riley thought she was inherently a good person lol.
Riley Quinn 9 months ago
Inherently good! Hah. There was nothing good about me, or so I was reminded on a daily basis.
Donna Peluda 9 months ago
You'll never be anything, you stupid, and lazy. Now I know I'm dislexic.
#14
My uncle tickling me until I cried.
MsPlants 9 months ago
My sister would press my knees to my chest and sit on them and tickle me till I couldnt breath, till I was on the verge of passing out and pee myself then she would let me go. I have bad reactions to being held down and not being able to get out of it till this day. she was 8 years older than me.
Widdershins66 8 months ago
Good parent! Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries 🤗🤗🤗
Load More Replies... Silly Vanilly <3 9 months ago
My dad used to do this all the time before I told someone. He also kept saying that I was "so skinny" and stuff and he used to lay in bed with me. What a disgusting man.
Widdershins66 8 months ago
I harden myself to tickling. I pretend I'm not ticklish and I don't respond the way they expect. It's hard to master but I've perfected it. 🥴
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Jozsef Szabo 8 months ago
People may think that someoe laughs while being tickled because he enjoys it. Often not true. That laugh is a REFLEX. I was unable to say no. I shoud have screamed on the top of my lungs to make it stop. I don't know why I didn't do that.
#15
Every time I had knee pain and told my mom I wanted to go to the doctor I always got “you think that’s bad? You wanna hear about all of my problems?!”
That was until my cartridge broke off and it was floating around under my skin by the time I was in high school.
SheHulk 9 months ago
My mother had to be the centre of attention and was always the sickest. While my father was dying at the hospital of prostate cancer, she got drunk and screamed at us, "he's not sick! I am!". At his funeral, she´had a huge black eye that she showed off proudly because she got drunk and fell the day before.
Widdershins66 8 months ago
Oddly familiar! Dad dying of cancer in hospital, mum never visited. She threaten to k**l herself because it wasn't all about her. She was absent fom dad's bedside whilst he took his final breath.Told us to sort out all aspects of the funeral, she didn't want the hassle. She was displeased with virtually everything we decided on. I could go on... Sad.
Load More Replies... Bored Retsuko 9 months ago
I lived with an inflammated appendix and constant stomach ache for over 1 year, and had to be sent to ER one day when it was about to burst (age 11).
BrownEyedGrrl 9 months ago
I am SO sorry that happened to you! You could have died!
Load More Replies... oldandafraid 9 months ago
Got told it was growing pains all the time, despite the fact that I played multiple sports and turned out I had barely any cartilage left by the time I saw a specialist. Multiple knee surgeries later and I still have constant pain.
#16
Being told we have no where to live at the end of the month. Everything being hand-me-downs and smelling like other people, you never feel settled, like you’re in a strangers house, bed and clothes.
Poverty, real poverty in general. Don’t have kids if you can’t afford a great life for them.
oldandafraid 9 months ago
My sister always got the new things and I'd get all the hand me downs, I didn't know that mum would have to sell her own things to get those new clothes. I was so excited to get my own pair of shoes for one birthday and my friends teased me because I didn't get the latest toy that they all did.
Jane Jayne Jain Jeign Jein 9 months ago (edited)
This is a society problem, not an individual problem. What sort of a civil society allows people to live in poverty, often times when they also work or have disabilities. Eat the rich!
Learner Panda 8 months ago
The attitude of people who have multiple kids and hope social security will pay for them. All that happens is that the children end up in situations like this.
StrangeOne 9 months ago
There's being low income, and then there's living in poverty. I don't want to judge too much, but if poverty conditions are lasting a long while, then eventually parents have to ask themselves what are they doing to keep themselves in that situation, and what can be done with the kids so they don't have to live like that.
Meagan Glaser 9 months ago
Most people aren't keeping themselves in poverty, LIFE is keeping theme in poverty. People aren't choosing it on purpose. Once you fall into dire poverty and homelessness it's extremely difficult to get back out.
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Jenn Smith 9 months ago
A dear Lord? Would have children treated so poorly? Absolutely 💯 no way. !!!
Load More Replies... #17
Avoiding my dad when I could tell that he was angry.
Janissary35680 9 months ago (edited)
I didn't realize I was doing this until well in my 30s when I saw a line in a Chris Miller short story in National Lampoon to the effect of "treating my father like a dead cow in the middle of the road, just steering around him." I was a lightbulb moment for me.
#18
Being ‘spanked’ with a leather belt doubled over.
I had broke yard sticks and wooden spoons so.. they ‘had’ to find something g else.
I don’t even remember what I did wrong?!… I know I was a ‘bad kid’ but I honestly don’t remember doing bad things. 🤷🏻♀️.
Lady Eowyn 9 months ago
Or the hairbrush. I still have a scar on my lower back from the time the buckle end drew blood. That was the first time my mom got up the courage to stand up to him.
Lila Allen 9 months ago
I am so very sorry you had to live through that. I hope that you have now got a wonderful life and the monster suffered horribly.
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Eroe Infinito 9 months ago
I would have to imagine it was both the worst and best feeling.
Load More Replies... Strings 9 months ago
My mother was mostly good, but had no control of her temper. The last time I was struck was over an honest mistake, which she back handed me for... and drew blood with her engagement ring. Explained to my father later that "if your wife ever strikes me again, she's done". Was VERY calm when I said it: she never lashed out at me in anger again. I was 11...
DowntownStevieB 9 months ago
Mine was for grades. I was living in constant fear every day at home and just couldn't focus. I was so afraid my father would come in and wake me just to beat me. Perpetual cycle.
MsPlants 9 months ago
we went from leather belt to 3 foot long orange hot wheels track. the kind that had the raised grooves to hold the car in place as it raced down the track. yeah once she started using that she never went back. I can still see it and remember how it sounded through the air and the feel of it when it hit. It never took much to get in trouble either.
Eduyoung 9 months ago
I got the wire hanger, cord of a vacuum cleaner, a tennis racquet, and bigtime with the belt--my mother threw a drink in my face and my father used to hit us in the face. I promised my wife I would never lay a finger on our son. When we left him at college at 18, I wept mostly because I knew that I had kept my promise
#19
Pretty much my entire childhood, it wasn't normal to be at the pub till close on a school night with the local alcoholics helping me with my homework,
It wasn't normal to be kicked out of the pub and be taking to the complete strangers house so it they could carry on drinking.
It wasn't normal to beg your mum while crying to turn the music down so you could get some sleep.
It wasnt normal for the kids at school to push you down the stairs or follow you home throwing rocks and rubbish at you.
That most kids didn't get themselves up for school, skipping breakfast cuz you couldn't reach the cereal, then carefully pick your way past the needles, glass and human s**t to get out of the estate so you could get there.
MsPlants 9 months ago
god I remember trying to get to sleep at 5 years old and being so frustrated because my mom and her friends were partying so loud that I couldnt sleep. I went out there and asked them to be quiet and they just laughed at me and turned up the music. I grew up with the numbers of all the local bars memorized so I could call them at 2 in the morning to beg my mom to come home. I had 4 younger brothers and sisters so I needed her to come home because I was 8yrs old and knew I needed to go to school in the morning and couldnt leave them alone. but I had to be careful if I bugged her too much she would make me stay home as punishment because she knew I LOVED school so she would make me miss it if I made her mad...
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Dread Pirate Roberts 8 months ago
Horrifying...then add bullying to the mix? Insult to injury 😧
#20
Unintentionally traumatic: "They're just bullying you because they're jealous of how smart/pretty you are!"
Oh cool, make me feel ashamed of my positive traits AND it's my fault for getting bullied for existing. Win-win!
Enlee Jones 9 months ago
Or being told “just ignore and they’ll walk away”. Guess what, they never walked away.
DC 9 months ago
No. Beat the shid out of them, and in again, repeat this a few times. I've seen people who got their victim so mad they ended up in hospital, because sometimes, you can't take it anymore, and then, every bit of anger, frustration, everything they inflicted on them fuels their anger, and violence. And NOBODY visited these people there.
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SkyyCaramba 9 months ago
oh, the guy who's been harassing me for years definitely has a crush on me /s
Lyoness 9 months ago
"Go out and play with them! It'll be fine!" No, mom, it wasn't fine. Instead of being mocked and bullied by one or two kids it was then eight or nine. Great advice. Oh, and f*CK you Ali for starting it.
Widdershins66 8 months ago
" Sticks and stones will break your bones, but names will never hurt you." Really? Not in my experience...
Still Going 8 months ago
Not in my experience either. I started 7th grade two weeks after we came to US, and didn't speak any English. To make matters worse, I fell down and broke two front teeth our first day here. I was the school "freak"; I didn't understand what the kids who were tormenting me were saying, but it got stuck in my head anyway. (A year later, I understood, and I wish I hadn't.) That year was when I started thinking about unaliving myself.
Load More Replies... #21
Having my hair chopped off because I wasn’t taking care of it to my mother’s standards.
I was 6, and had very long, very curly hair. Of course I struggled to take care of it!
StrangeOne 9 months ago
My daughter's hair was the same. Even I had trouble with it. As long as it was brushed, though, but it still looked like a cotton candy cloud. I tried flat ironing her hair but it was too fine and thin, still. My mom would have tantrums about it, threatening to cut it off and even demanding I wash her hair for her or she would do it. I refused to do any of that and told my mom to leave and not come back until she could calm down and be reasonable. It really does come from projected insecurity.
Strings 9 months ago
Sorry, but anyone trying to tell me how to take care of my kid (besides her mother) was told to shut up. Advice I could take, but orders were not accepted in any way
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oldandafraid 9 months ago
I chopped all mine off willingly to stop my parents from pulling it if I was in trouble. Had the biggest smile on my face when I got a pixie cut.
B 9 months ago
I had long naturally curly hair that I wore in a pony tail everyday. My Dad use to say it looked messy. One day in 6th grade my mother took me to my cousins house that ran a salon out of her basement for a trim. Well she cut it really short into a mullet think sits flat to my head short. I started crying, my cousin who was 15 years older than me got upset because she had no idea that I did not want that cut or she never would have done it. I was very traumatized but my parents were happy saying how much better it looked. I had school pictures soon after & still loathe that photo. I wear my hair long & curly all the time now.
Binny Tutera 9 months ago
My friend in kindergarten had crazy curly hair. Her mom put in two braids because cutting it short enough to behave would make her look like a boy. She was right.
All profits to charity 9 months ago
My daughters are very young. (4 and 5) One has curly hair. The other has hair so thick you can’t get a brush through it. We have conversations about hair care. The gist is, we have to take care of your hair or, if you won’t let me touch it, get a short, low maintenance cut. It’s an ongoing conversation. I hope that’s not the same thing because this post made me sad. One of my daughters wanted a pixie cut. The other has agreed to let me braid hers regularly so we don’t get so many mats.
KittyMommy 9 months ago
Fructis has a frizz control serum that is the best hair detangler I've found. Little bit worked into your hair and all the knots are gone
Load More Replies... #22
My mom yelling at me when I was hurt or sick instead of being nurturing. She has bad anxiety and doesn't handle stressful situations well. This has lead me to crave a ton of sympathy/attention when I'm sick as an adult.
StrangeOne 9 months ago
I have anxiety, and stressful situations sends me into freeze or fight mode, but my kid getting hurt or sick was anything but anxiety and stressful to the point of avoidance. I knew what to do and got it done with hugs and kisses. That mom was using her mental issues as a crutch for not being able to control her emotions.
#23
Anytime I brought up something my mom did that I didn’t like or was uncomfortable with I was told that never happened. In fact she still does it. It’s really messed with my memory because now I have a hard time remembering what actually happened and what I was told happened and what I was told didn’t happen. They are all sorta mixed up in there.
Little Bit 8 months ago
My mother hax always done this and still does it to this day. It's her way of shutting me down if I prove her wrong.
Lowrider 56 9 months ago
My baby sister had "issues". It was because my Mom drank alcohol while pregnant with her. She denied it, but my other sister remembers it too.
Fire Singer 9 months ago
My parents have denied a few things, but when me and at least one other of my three siblings say "no, that's really what happened" they do believe us. So there's that. I couldn't imagine being constantly told I was wrong or didn't remember things. That would mess with me big time!
CF 9 months ago
My ex did this. Always deny, deny, deny. I got to a point where I started doubting my own memory and for several years gave up and assumed I remembered wrong, every time he denied. Fortunately I came to my senses a couple years ago. Can't imagine dealing with that during my formative years.
#24
Being told to suck it up, boys don’t complain when they get hurt or sick.
Lila Allen 9 months ago
That sentence should not exist. Boys deserve better.
Load More Replies... #25
I wouldn't say I'm traumatized from it, but I realized I'm a people pleaser because my father never showed me that he was proud of me when I was younger. His attitude towards my achievements would lead me to believe they were expectations more than things to be proud of.
It was an internal conflict I struggled with throughout my teen years and into my early 20's, but I'm glad to say I've been working on it since recognizing the root cause of my people pleasing.
Binny Tutera 9 months ago
My husband wanted me to add “People pleaser” to my LinkedIn profile and I had to explain why that was a terrible idea. He really thought it was a positive thing.
Brooke Kenner 9 months ago
My dad just didn't value the things I excelled at (getting all As and scholarships, being a voracious reader, spelling bees and science fairs, etc.). He struggled in school and went undiagnosed as dyslexic, so he came to believe academics weren't important or REAL accomplishments. But now I have my own little nerd at home, and I make sure he knows how awesome I think it is that he reads the CIA World Fact Book for fun at 7 :)
Geoffrey Scott 9 months ago (edited)
Best I could do for the girls was a "NICE!" and paying them for performance, $5=A..$4=B..$3=C..$1=D. Kids took everything out of my wallet every semester. I like to think it was the 'School Zone' books we bought them prior to kindergarten, and worked with them on.
#26
So apparently obsessively praying to not go to hell is a disorder.
Michael Largey 9 months ago
The people who warn you about hell are often quite willing to provide you one themselves.
Geoffrey Scott 9 months ago
Push back: Religion, in and of itself, is not a disorder. Using it to demean or bully others or make others feel like heretics IS a disorder.
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Dread Pirate Roberts 8 months ago
It disgusts me when people use God as a whipping stick to "keep people in line".
#27
Being told we (mom dad and I)can't leave my uncle's house when we were about to leave from a family dinner until I gave my uncle a kiss on the cheek.
Spellflinger 9 months ago
And there was usually a good reason why no one wanted to kiss that uncle
PenguinEmp 9 months ago
Or sometimes it's just something innocuous. Get your head out of the gutter. Not all uncles are creeps. Not all aunts are saints.
Load More Replies... #28
Having emotionally volitile parents does a ton of damage. When kids can't predict the moods of their parents it leads to heightened threat scanning behaviour and people pleasing. These tendencies cause tons of self esteem and burnout issues later in adulthood.
Parents, from a therapist, I beg you to be more emotionally consistent with your kids. And stop being children yourselves about this stuff. Ive had grown a*s adults in my room jealous of and angry at their own children because the kids take attention away from them with their partner. It's a mess. And have some boundaries. Your kids are not your therapist.
Black Cat 9 months ago
A cellular lot of people shouldn't be having kids. I grew up wishing my mother had had me aborted. Better than living in an a*****e home where you're not wanted.
KLL 9 months ago
Straight up. What really would have hurt more? A woman's abortion or that kid later committing s*****e?
Load More Replies... Lyoness 9 months ago
I wish everyone was forced to read this and get therapy before they procreated. I was 18 before I realized it was wrong for my parents to talk to me about their relationship and I didn't hear the term triangulation until I started therapy. I actually give my incubator credit for getting me into therapy because being told "if you weren't here your father would talk to me" (as justification for being kicked out) and "this divorce is your fault" (when it didn't work) is really screwed up.
Kat Alison 9 months ago
I’m fairly certain my dad resented the way I changed his and my mom’s life, by being born.
#29
Being told that a boy trying to kiss/touch me in school & making me very uncomfortable/scared was just because he had a crush on me.
Nadine Debard 9 months ago (edited)
I was 10 and this boy kept lifting my skirt and I was beginning to cry because he wouldn't stop. I broke a ruler on his arm out of rage. The teacher asked what happened, I explained and she told the boy to go put some water on his arm and then told me I was right and she would talk to him. Never happened again.
Binny Tutera 9 months ago
This happened to me in grade school and I was told the lie. So, the next time, I told him “Everybody thinks you have a crush on me because you tease me. EVERYBODY.” Guess what? He stopped.
PenguinEmp 8 months ago
At that age sometimes teasing is just that. A crush. Use judgement
Load More Replies... Bored Trash Panda 8 months ago
Absolutely no. I have taught my son it is never ok to touch another person if they say no and vice versa. He is very respectful of other peoples personal space, especially girls.
#30
My mom would go into these insane cleaning frenzies where you got yelled at if you didn't suddenly start cleaning along with her. As soon as you heard the vacuum, you knew she was gonna be in a terrible mood. Day ruined for sure.
Whenever my partner vacuums, I get really upset no matter how many times she tells me she's not mad.
Smeghead Tribble Down Under 9 months ago
Same, only fior me it's my father and the sound of a lawnmower. I knew, as soon as that lawnmower was switched off, I'd cop it because he thought it was below him to cut his own lawn. And I mean this started when I was nine or ten and doing most of the inside housework on my own. To this day I get fear stripes in my stomach when I hear a lawn mower start up, and I'm 44.
Rebecca O’Donnell 9 months ago
To this day I still jump at loud noises. I’m in my 70’s. My stepfather would throw his dinner against the wall if it wasn’t hot enough. And that was just the start of a horrific evening.
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Megan Lacey 9 months ago
Same. Every day. She was a stay at home mom, but was so busy cleaning house all the time she didn't have time for us 3 kids. Obsessed. So angry while doing housework, complaining it never ended. 12 hours a day. Now 30 years later, after other issues, I'm the only one out of 3 of us in contact. Such a waste
Learner Panda 8 months ago
Stress cleaning can be a positive thing, according to my therapist. It turns the negative emotion(s) into something positive. A nice clean oven or windows, for example. It doesn't mean others should be joining in though.
Mike F 9 months ago
This whole entry and each of your responses to it trigger very bad memories. The jumping/getting angry at loud noises, the whole lawn thing, rinse and repeat. Jeez, were any of us not treated worse than roaches?
KittyMommy 9 months ago
I think well adjusted people don't read lists like this. F****d up people do and I think it's because we want assurance that the s**t really happened and we didn't deserve it
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#31
I don’t know if traumatized is the right word, but the way nobody expected anything good out of me. Growing up I was always told “you’re not ready” or “how are YOU going to be able to handle that” especially when it came to big dreams or life milestones (telling everyone I’d never be ready to drive or I’d never be able to keep a job yet they’re the only ones who kept me from those things) it really did a hit on my self esteem and it’s still nearly impossible to do things that feel too “big”.
Megan Lacey 9 months ago (edited)
I was raised in the 1980's that it is wrong for a woman to work . She needs to stay home raise the kids and clean the house. Bath b4 husband comes home from work. No premarital s*x. A sin. My education was unnecessary. No need as I didn't need college or a job/career. She was even for pre arranged marriage. At times it scared me but I was so brainwashed that it wasn't until I moved out on my own at 18 after my father died that I became aware of how wrong it was. I'm now 49 and still struggling
Bored Trash Panda 8 months ago
My dad did this to me, not my older sister, just me. It took me until 25 to get my high school diploma and 34 to go to college and get my associates degree cause I lost hope in myself. Now I have an amazing job, married to a great man, and we are about to buy our first house.
WorkAholic1 9 months ago
Glad I'm not the only one. Family members did things for me all the time because "I took too long." Now, in my late 50s, I barely know how to do anything. Thanks for the 'help,' family.
Jessica Senia 8 months ago
I experienced this one, and still do from my parents. Any time I mentioned I was learning something or trying something new, they'd be like, "Are you sure you can do that? That's too much for you." As a result I believe I'm inherently incapable of a lot of things. Only recently have I started to try new things on my own to prove them wrong.
#32
“Stop crying. Your brothers are just being boys.”.
KLL 9 months ago
If it was a boy and she was a girl she would be blamed for being the "disturbance." Aka do not inconvenience the people who are supposed to help you unless someone is dying....Netflix has a couple shows now gabby petito and worst ex ever. You can see a trend where this pattern is repeated in womans' attempts to get help from police.
#33
Falling asleep under my bed instead of in it because it was safer down there, and I wasn't allowed to wake my parents up if I was scared.
Lowrider 56 9 months ago
My stepdaughter slept in her closet to avoid her father.
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#34
Really mild, but my pulse still shoots up whenever I hear my mother walk or breathe heavily, since that's what she did before what we kids called a "cleaning rampage", in which she angrily and bitterly cleaned my two little sisters' messes while blaming me and my big sister for it. I used to dig through the trash to retrieve the things of mine she threw away because she hated "junk" and "I wouldn't even notice". I thought I was a bad, messy kid. Nope, turns out she had impossible standards for cleanliness with four little kids running around and she's so much happier now that she's accepted she cannot maintain that.
DuckDuckGooseberry 8 months ago
"If you won't do it to my standards, I WILL do it myself" This is despite me trying, day after day, but still missing bits because I can't keep up with the level of detail.
#35
Waking up to find my guinea pig gone one morning after I wasn’t able to understand some of her behavior and started complaining. My father likely put her out in the woods and let her become food for a predator. I didn’t say anything because I knew it wouldn’t have mattered to my dad.
Later I always felt such guilt and thought that if I just kept my mouth shut she wouldn’t have had that done to her.
#36
My mom taking me to a juvenile detention center at age 12 or so and having the warden threaten to lock me up because I wouldn't do my homework. It wasn't until I told a friend that story and saw her reaction that I realized lol.
#37
Being worried about food and money.
#38
Being raised where any first attempts at doing anything should not have any imperfections or problems (while not having a source to learn from).
Always expected to be on-call to fix anything and everything (again without a source to learn from) that's thrown at me. Oh, and at the same time being refused help every time I asked for it.
The whole "children should be seen but not heard" and "we are raising adults, not kids".
End result: only 2 of the 8 kids have ever interact with parents anymore. Lol.
#39
When my father was angered by my brother and my behavior he would take his leather belt and whip us across the back of our legs. I also got my ears and hair pulled by him a lot as a child. he was a real d**k. Now he sits at home by himself because no one wants to socialize with him.
Luke Branwen 9 months ago
Reading these stories, I'm forever grateful that my mom decided not to marry my s***m donor.
Mike F 9 months ago
My father got angry at me when I was little because I was eating my cereal too slowly. He got a belt and beat me across the backs of my thighs so badly it drew blood. I couldn't walk very well at school and they must have sent something to my mother because when she got home she immediately pulled off my pants then cried. But, less than 10 years later it her turn, along with my step father, to put stripes on my brother and me.
#41
My father breaking my things as a punishment. It happened two times that I can really remember- when I was 4/5 and when I was 7/8. The first time it was my favorite VHS, Oliver & Company. I watched every day at least once. He tore the film out right in front of me and threw it at the ground.
The second time was a metal/aluminum floor tray I had had for years. I ate all my meals on it, played with play doh on it, and I loved it. He broke it and bent it in front of me and made me throw it in the dumpster after.
A couple years ago, my son had accidentally knocked over a small ceramic decorative statue I had bought in high school and had for 10+ years and broke it. I wasn’t mad at him but it made me very upset and I cried and felt panicked. My husband didn’t understand and I didn’t either until in that moment I felt how I felt as a child when my father broke my things.
I am very precious about my things and knickknacks. My husband now spends his time meticulously fixing anything that gets c*****d or broken of mine and is very careful and precious with my things. It’s been very healing to feel that kind of consideration.
#42
I was in college when I realized a father/ daughter relationship didn't have to toxic and sad.
One of my friends from college told me her dad was picking her up for the weekend. I lived in a nearby town and asked if I could get a ride. They agreed.
On the ride home... my friend and her dad were talking... just having normal conversation.. about anything. That's when it hit me that what me and my dad had wasn't normal at all.
Convo with my dad was him yelling/ screaming/ berating me... or just silence. Never.. ever.. just normal conversation.
Smeghead Tribble Down Under 9 months ago
I never wanted to go to any friends' houses in primary school if their fathers were around, because I thought that being yelled and screamed at, called names, or the silent treatment for months on end, was just how all fathers were and I had enough of it at home.
#43
Not wanting to wake my dad up from his naps.
Learning to tell people’s footsteps apart from one another.
Being super sensitive to other’s emotions or perceived feelings, and tanking your own mood because of it.
Being rejection sensitive is another one i got.
Also a huge trigger for me is being prevented from leaving and/or grabbed. Really kicks in the fight/flight response for me something crazy.
Growing up is realizing that you take on s**t from having emotionally immature parents, especially when one of them has relied on you heavily to emotionally regulate them despite being a literal child.
Thanks dad lol.
#44
My father leaving a hand print on my face. My father hitting me 3 times with a belt, or wooden paddle, just out of suspicion.
Lila Allen 9 months ago
That is not a father. That is a monster. I am sorry you went through that
Lowrider 56 9 months ago
My step father would beat us with whatever was handy. Belts, brushes, and one time a hammer.
#45
There is a difference between normal sibling fighting and abuse. Always thought the things that happened to me was normal sibling stuff, would even tell friends they were the weird ones when their experience was different.
Went to therapy, told a little story. My therapist said “that’s called t*****e.”.
Minecraft_Chicken (He/Chicken) 9 months ago
Whats the censored word here? I honestly can't tell.
Kira Okah 9 months ago (edited)
Törture. See if that works. ed. nope, had to add a special character.
Load More Replies... #46
My only childhood best friend not really caring about me (although she pretended to). It seemed normal to me, but has caused me a lot of trust issues in my life. Maybe not traumatic, but it has affected me a lot.
Cindy Brick 9 months ago
I had this happen in college -- two female friends that were very dear to me, but obviously didn't feel the same. (One was even my maid of honor in my wedding.) One writes me affectionately on FB now and then...but it really doesn't matter that much anymore.
Chonky Panda 8 months ago
It seems like at least one of them appreciate you a lot though, considering she's taking time to write those messages!
Load More Replies... Binny Tutera 9 months ago
Trauma isn’t always a big, obvious thing. Sometimes it’s one straw after another.
#47
Being Gen X in the era of missing children's faces being plastered on milk cartons.
Think about it...
Here we were; the generation raised by the Boomers and told to go outside until the the street lights came on at dusk.
So we all filed out into the wide world for the majority of the day when there was no school.
But before that, we'd eat our morning bowl of cereal being forced to stare at the faces of those that didn't make it back home.
The utter fuggin' morbidity...
LauraDragonWench 9 months ago
When walking home from school (somewhere around the 3rd-4th grade, so sometime around 1985/86) I was followed by a car. It followed me for a couple of blocks, so I screamed bloody murder and took off running. The car sped away and I got home safely. Aside from my mom picking me up from school for the rest of the week, nothing else happened. I'm still not sure how to process it.
Kalikima 8 months ago
I was stalked by a white van around '89 while walking home from school with a friend. I noticed it drove by 3 times, which was weird.. then the last time, it stopped about 200ft away. I grabbed my friend and we ran for the shortcut to get into our housing development. I remember how scared I was, but I don't know if I ever told my mom, or what came of it.
Load More Replies... #48
My mother locked me and my sister out of the house sometimes in the summer if she was in one of her "moods". If we had to pee, we were afraid to knock on the door to ask if we could go to the bathroom. As a kid, that's just how it was. As an adult, we just realized, WTF???
#49
My father passed when I was like 4 or 5 then my older brother passed on when I was like 6 or 7 back then I just knew people died and it's normal, but looking back coming to terms with the inevitability of death that young might have not been normal.
Huddo's sister 9 months ago
My older brother died when I was 12, but because he had a degenerative condition we always knew it would happen young (though he had already out lived many doctor's estimations). I think I had a pretty healthy understanding of death even before he died, so I guess that makes me not normal either. I was shocked when I saw a movie in my 20s with friends about a guy with a degenerative condition who wanted to k**l himself and my best friend just couldn't understand it. She didn't think euthanasia was ever a good thing and that it was against God (I'm also Christian and disagree). She had not known my older brother but she did know my youngest brother who also died from the same condition. She knew how often he was in hospital and how his condition worsened yet she couldn't understand someone's quality of life being so bad (or was going to worsen in the future) they deserved to choose when to end it.
Lila Allen 9 months ago
I don't think people can understand how bad it is watching someone die by inches in severe pain. Unless you've lived it, you don't comprehend how horrible it is and how much they deserve to decide when they've had enough.
Load More Replies... #50
I thought everyone got asked out at the punchline to a joke they weren’t in on at least once in their childhood. turns out no one i know had it happen at all, just me, and I lost count how many times.
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What do you think ?
SpiderWoman13 9 months ago
YES, but also healing. I realize that I was not alone. And that my RESENTMENT and REFUSAL to accept such behaviors is - and was then - healthy and a mark of self-esteem...
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HelyerT 9 months ago
I had zero respect for men until I met my now husband and a ton of therapy. I just slept around and dumped them. I had to deal with being called babes, told I’m fat stupid and worthless. We didn’t talk for years. We do now and I forgive them but I don’t forget.
PenguinEmp 9 months ago
No one has it perfect. Everyo has issues. You don't think your kids will say similar things? Of course they will. You just do the best you can do. Remember our parents didn't have therapy. They didn't talk feelings. Heck the kids in school used to call me a fa g for saying I was sad or upset.
ItsPjTime 8 months ago (edited)
I have a lot of these, one that I want to mention is how I when I did something wrong, said something wrong, or just confide in my adopted mom in general it became her topic of gossip with her friend circle. I would hear say things to them that I didn’t want anybody to know
SpiderWoman13 9 months ago
YES, but also healing. I realize that I was not alone. And that my RESENTMENT and REFUSAL to accept such behaviors is - and was then - healthy and a mark of self-esteem...
Load More Replies... HelyerT 9 months ago
I had zero respect for men until I met my now husband and a ton of therapy. I just slept around and dumped them. I had to deal with being called babes, told I’m fat stupid and worthless. We didn’t talk for years. We do now and I forgive them but I don’t forget.
PenguinEmp 9 months ago
No one has it perfect. Everyo has issues. You don't think your kids will say similar things? Of course they will. You just do the best you can do. Remember our parents didn't have therapy. They didn't talk feelings. Heck the kids in school used to call me a fa g for saying I was sad or upset.
ItsPjTime 8 months ago (edited)
I have a lot of these, one that I want to mention is how I when I did something wrong, said something wrong, or just confide in my adopted mom in general it became her topic of gossip with her friend circle. I would hear say things to them that I didn’t want anybody to know
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