Anyone who has been even tangentially interested in dating content online has no doubt come across the idea of an “ick” as well as “red flags.” For those who are unfamiliar, both of these are things people dislike and aim to avoid when dating. This can range from personal preferences to behavior one should absolutely avoid.
Someone asked “Men/boys what are your biggest icks or turn-offs in women/girls?” and males shared their thoughts. So get comfortable as you read through, upvote your favorites, and be sure to share your own thoughts in the comments section below.
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Absurd caterpillar eyelashes. Absurdly gross long finger nails.
I recently visited Santorini. One evening, I had dinner at a place overlooking a very popular spot with an amazing view of the island and the water. I lost count of how many Insta girls dragged their dead-eyed boyfriends there and proceeded to cycle through two dozen look-at-me poses while whining photo instructions. Treating people in your life like props or unpaid crew just so you can appear glamorous on social media is a major ick.
Everyone carrying a camera around all the time and their need for attention on social media has created a pathological narcissistic world.
Treating people like servers, bartenders or cashiers like complete garbage is a huge red flag and it shows what type of person they really are.
This works both ways, of course, not just 'women icks'
The options these men shared cover a pretty wide range of possible issues. What a woman’s voice sounds like is closer to an ick. After all, everyone has their own preferences, there isn’t exactly an “objective” superior vocal tone. However, a few of the men here seem to have misunderstood the assignment.
After all, a partner who suddenly ghosts you because she feels like it sounds like a nightmare for the vast majority of people. This is less an ick, and more a major behavioral issue. Oftentimes, icks are superficial, physical traits, although those can still bring forth pretty sizable emotions.
My big three: Materialism. Sincere belief in Astrology. Kardashian worship.
When they say s**t like “if he’s under 6 foot or makes less than 100k a year I’m not interested.”
Ironically I am 6’2 and make over that, it’s not about feeling secure it’s just about being annoyed by idiocy.
You are not an amusement park ride, you don't need a "you must be this tall" sign
Racism. Had a girl call a group of black kids the nword because they very slightly delayed us. Like literally they were just walking across the crosswalk.
Never went from 100% to 0 that fast. She was so confused why I didn't want to stay the night with her.
Racism is below the lowest of the low. I'd keep far away from any racists, men or women. It's just evil. It's not even zero interest, but -100 interest.
When every other word that comes out of her mouth is "like". Drives me crazy.
Phone addiction.
Doc911:
Phone addiction which too often is just social media addiction. The worse of this addiction results in "phubbing."
If she's already on the phone all the time with insta/texts/messages, you already feel like you're never alone with her. Your time together is always shared. If on top of that she's on the phone for social reasons when you are specifically trying to spend time together ... rude, lack of respect, and a clear sign whatever is on that phone is more important than you are. Most women wouldn't tolerate it, men should not either.
i had a friend like this i am guy but we were just mates we used to grab a coffee or lunch together but she would always be texting on her phone when we hung out i started to not enjoy being around her its fine to answer a text but to be on the phone the whole time and not be present i cant help but feel like i must be boring
I hate this trend where women are getting work done surgery/botox/filler to try an achieve that ig/tiktok influencer look. IT LOOKS SO FAKE AND UNNATURAL. Not to mention everyone just look f****n homogenous so no one stands out with whatever unique beauty they might’ve had.
When their dating profile is a list of qualities they want in a man, but doesn't say anything about what they're like or what they bring to a relationship.
When their entire profile is "Just ask." No thank you. You couldn't be bothered to find one interesting thing to say about yourself, and that tells me all I need to know. Bye.
Baby voice outside of talking to a baby or animal.
Little girl or baby voice on an adult woman is cringy and irritating.
When they always portray themselves as the victim and take zero responsibility.
I'm a lesbian, so I hope I can wage in here.... Obsession of TikTok and Taylor Swift. Like I like Taylor, but paying thousand of euros for tickets and acting like a psycho when someone say anything bad...no...also that TikTok gf behavior, ex.expecting people to treat her like a queen, without her doing anything to deserve that.
Look I treat my gfs like queens, but they don't act entitled to it, they also deserve it.
I have never understood wanting to know about the personal lives of musicians. It reeks of a lack of personality or fantasizing in the obsessed fan.
Caring more about their appearance on social media than their real life.
Demanding emotional vulnerability and using it as a weapon after the guy's opened up. One of the worst betrayals someone can pull on a man, and if I'm talking to a woman who casually mentions a previous bf/lover and talks s**t about his vulnerabilities behind his back in conversation? I'm out, you can handle the check.
If she’s hardcore religious or even remotely religious for that matter. I don’t want a woman who’s going to expect me to be some godly, spiritual leader of the house or relationship….
Fair enough. I'm religious but I don't think I'd want a partner who wasn't because it would make things more complicated if we believed different things. But each to their own
Only has guy “friends”. Claims other women are “too much drama”. Coincidentally is always involved in drama and loves gossip. Always talks about “haters” and “fans”. Social media bio: “Keep lurking sis 💅💋✨🧿”.
I agree with most of it, except of "only guy friends". I have almost exclusively male friends and colleagues, because most of my hobbies are male-dominated (like, I only found 2 women interested in them in my area - one is my sister, the other one and I didn't "click"). I don't badmouth other women and/or think that I'm better than them, it's just that it's easier for mw to find male friends
Based solely on my experience? Believes in astrology. Has untreated borderline personality disorder. Stays friends with people who have hurt them. Lack of social awareness.
Inability to admit to and apologize for doing rude or s****y things.
For example:
"Hey, did you eat the food I made before bed? That was my breakfast. I told you I didn't have time to cook anything before work, now I'm gonna be late."
"What makes you think that I ate it? Why are you assuming it was me?!?"
"We're the only two people living here, and you asked me about it before I went to sleep."
"Maybe you ate it and forgot!"
"No, I didn't drink last night. We had no guests over. I passed out right after putting it away, and now it's gone. I'm less upset about you eating it than I am that you're not being honest."
"FINE. EVERYTHINGS ALWAYS MY FAULT, YOU A*****E! I GUESS I WON'T EAT ANYTHING ANYMORE!" *storms away*
I've been in this type of scenario more times than I can recall. Just admit what you did and apologize, I'll forget about it in an hour. Freaking out instead of being honest just leads me to eventually breaking off the relationship.
Excessive vocal fry. Sounding like a Kardashian/Jenner is the opposite of attractive.
Tries to force beliefs, diets, etc onto others - i don’t give a damn what you believe in, what you will or won’t eat, whatever, but if you try to convince, guilt trip, etc your beliefs/systems onto me, or another person, i don’t trust that you’re a very good person.
I have a bunch of beliefs, values and been veggie for 20+ yrs and even I hate when people try and push s**t on others. These are my choices and I made them myself, you can't make them for others. I cook meat for my husband, I'll answer questions he has about my faith but always allow the topic to come up naturally and vice versa. You should never get together with someone with the intent to change them, choose them because they're right for you not because you can make them right for you.
If they never initiate.
I don’t mean sex. I mean if the only time we talk or get together is if *I* make the first move.
I get enough of that with my friends, and I hate feeling like I gotta micromanage my relationships because I’ll just be left behind again if I let someone else take the lead.
I would want to initiate but there is only so much rejection you can take before you start retreating back into yourself. Now I think it's best if I don't put myself out there because I don't want to have to build myself back up yet again.
The ones who think they need to cut down every other female they see. It's repulsive.
No, Karen. I didn't notice the top that woman was wearing until you pointed it out, but even now that I have, it's still not as tacky as the sewage you keep spewing from your mouth.
I'm confused. Does he mean he doesn't like Karen or he doesn't women criticising Karen?
Women that think it's cute to be a near non-functioning adult. My ex loved to rely on me/others for like everything, almost took pride in having no idea how to use public transport of find her way around.
The silent treatment. It’s passive aggressive, manipulative, whack b******t.
When a woman doesn’t hold herself to the same standard that she holds her man. Not to say that the roles and responsibilities of each party need to be exactly the same in any given relationship, but it’s the worst when a woman acts a certain way/has a certain attitude but gets upset when the man acts that way as well.
The mean mommy problem. Some women feel like they need to be your mom instead of your partner. But sometimes that's triggered by a guy acting like a child. Either way...it's horrible.
Rude and demeaning attitudes. Like aggressively rude or demeaning. That ends it for me.
Snarky comments and snide remarks about other people behind their backs. Always feeling superior to other people.
When they don’t know how to have a conversation unless it’s talking bad about someone.
No reciprocation of efforts.
u/AyybrahamLmaocoln:
If you don’t let me know in some way that you’re feeling me after I’ve made it clear I’m feeling you, then I stop pursuing. It happens a good amount, and a week later they’ll ask why I stopped trying to spend time with them.
We men are simple creatures. We don't like the "mind games" much. We like direct communication.
If I'm the only one who can even start a text conversation, it just tells me I'm only there to be an ego boost. For example, I MUST be the one to say "good morning" first. If not, I'm met with silence, possibly for a few days, followed by a passive-aggressive message about me, "not being interested."
I'm in my late 40s. I broke up with my first girlfriend in grade 7 over this exact issue. (Phone calls, not texts, obviously) If you want to play immature foolish games, go find an immature fool.
Smoking.
After seeing my mom die emaciated, unable to breathe, and unable to even go to the bathroom all because of emphysema caused by a lifetime of smoking... yeah, f**k that s**t.
For sure! You can be a 11/10 but as soon as I see you light up or stick an adult pacifier(e-cig/vape) in your mouth, you instantly drop to a 3. Sorry, not sorry.
No hobbies (people who cannot amuse themself usually demand your full attention making you unable to practice your own hobbies).
The others who demand attention all the time are those in the entertainment industry. Actresses and vocalists expect everyone to be enamored and awed by them.
Attitude, entitlement.
We are all human, trying to make it through this life. You are no better than I am, and I am no better than you are. Don't give me attitude because you think you are entitled to something. Just go away
A lack of EQ or social awareness.
The kind of person who is extremely inappropriate in public for example, or behaves in a way that has people staring at you (not in a good way).
This is in the same vein as women who chose to communicate the way they do because they enjoy the shock value of it. That sh!t got old in middle school. On adults it is just disgusting.
Lack of clear and effective communication. If you want/don't want something, make that excessively clear, no ambiguity at all. If it's a big thing and the other person isn't getting it, make sure you sit them down in a non-emotionally charged situation, warn them you're going to be talking about something serious, and then go over it with them until they get it.
Source: my now ex wife wasn't communicative and now basically hates me because I didn't realise how upset she was about some stuff.
Body odors, bad breath, poor feminine hygiene. It's very hard to be attracted to someone when they smell like a dumpster.
On the opposite end, too much perfume. I prefer smelling the actual scent of the woman. Who wants to gag on chemicals?
Romantasizing/unable to move past their ex's, and refusing to stop messaging them because "they're really important to me".
There is a difference between not being over someone and just staying in touch. I've stayed in touch with several of my exes because we still friends. Doesn't mean I still want them as a partner. Actually sometimes it turns out being friends works out much better than being partners.
If they have extreme political viewpoints.
You have to be with someone who has the same viewpoints as you if they feel strongly about it, or else the relationship isn't going to work. If you are both moderate and don't really care that's fine. If one person is moderate and the other is extreme, sometimes that can work but even that can have problems because the extreme person is always trying to convert you, like it's a cult. And if you're both extreme, you'd better believe the exact same things otherwise you're destined to explode. It's like Chris Rock says, if you're a crackhead, your girl needs to be a crackhead too or it ain't gonna work.
I love redheads, like, lose the ability to think, and I met a woman at work, played it cool for a few weeks, didn’t want to creep in, we’re at work you know? So one morning we were both in early and she was eating at a table, I asked if I could sit too, she seemed delighted, yay. I’ve never spoken to her before.
We start talking, she immediately tells me about her morning going poorly, I asked more about it.
She didn’t pay for her train, got a fine for putting her feet on the chair on train she didn’t pay for.
Well……I got a derection, in that 4-5 minutes of conversation, she went from being a beautiful woman, to a scumbag.
Disrespectful behaviour towards others. My biggest ick.
Overly Jealous. Had a gf once who wouldn’t let it go how I “stared” at her roommate when she walked into the living room where we were hanging out with only a towel on her head after shower. Didnt get mad at the roommate, just was my fault for looking at someone the same way I always would when they walk in.
Arrogance and too much self love. The endless mirror selfies, overdoing make up, the RBF. When they immediately go to low blows (“he must have a small dickkk!”). The attitude, sense of entitlement, and condescending behavior.
I will get downvoted for this but, high levels of promiscuity is a major turn off for me.
I dont judge women for sleeping around a bit. Hell Ive done it. Now if they are doing it when they are supposed to be in a relationship with you thats different but if shes single and doing her thing let her be.
Expecting me to be like a parent and always take the lead. Can be exhausting.
Want someone with their own drive and proactivity for what they want.
Expecting their man to be the best guy they've ever met, but getting hysterical when he is better than her.
Negativity (not all days are good, but people who complain about every detail even if their day would be considered amazing by most are a pain).
If someone you know is often in a bad mood that lasts all day in negativity, they may have bipolar disorder, or even a sleep disorder where they wake up already pissed off and grumpy because they did not get enough good sleep.
Unable to put an proper sentence together, no critical thinking skills.
Alcohol…. Ruined a really good thing.
A lot of my icks have already been mentioned, but here's a couple I haven't seen yet:
Using nothing but emojis to communicate over text. When I'm asking for date ideas, I'd like replies with words in them, not massive walls of emojis.
Talking about nothing but work. Dated one girl who pretty much had no personality outside of her job. Every conversation was all about work, work, work. My brain is not wired that way, and I almost never talk about my job once I've clocked out. People like that are just exhausting.
Lastly, Horse Girls. Horse Girls are insane. If she owns a horse, RUN.
Horse girls will always pick the horse over you. I am a horse girl. Run far and fast.
Interesting about horse girls. Equestrian sports are one of the few sports where women can compete equally with men. There's something else at play here, too. Most people, not just women, will take care of their animals whether it's a cat, a dog, or a horse, and make sure that animal is fed, watered and comfortable, before they attend to their own needs. Yeah, I can see where a few boneheads might be upset that they come second.
But I like horses, too! My late wife and I bonded over horses. I still miss my old appaloosa. My wife, too, of course.
oh my God why are women not allowed to have horses? I know a horse girl and she is the sweetest, kindest person you could ever meet
Girls who push you away and then expect to be chased. Huge ick and generally a red flag that signals you will be expected to do everything in the relationship. No partnership there.
Also double standards. For example, it's okay for a woman to turn down her mans advances, but when he turns down hers then he's being insensitive or cruel. That one also reeks of manipulative behavior.
Finally, have a job and be working towards some sort of career. You don't need college degree, but working a retail job with no future prospects aint gonna cut it.
I agree with your fist two things, but I'm a little torn about the last one. Not everyone has the same experience as you. Someone people haven't had the opportunities to advance in their careers and simply don't know what they want to do because they've been too busy paying the bills. I couldn't afford to take risks to try a new career or 'find myself' because I don't have someone's couch I could sleep on if it didn't work out. It's also a double-edged sword because you can work somewhere long enough to be making above minimum wage, but still not get paid well, but starting over might mean starting at the bottom again, or intern for nothing, and I couldn't afford that. I understand your feeling about someone working a dead end job forever, but if you can't switch without it being a boost in your pay, then it's really dangerous. And that scenario is pretty rare because unless it offers free paid training you can't afford to do it.
Obsessive behaviour.
I have some OCD (diagnosed) stuff I do, but it doesn't really affect the other people, so this needs some clarification. If something I do does affect others, I can see why they would not want to spend time with me. But most of my OCD behaviors are just me being me.
Complaining too much.
Its sad though you have a nice house etc.etc but you can’t enjoy that because the more you complain the less you enjoy just how lucky you are.
When I hear “You are too deep” or even worse “you think too much.”.
When they don't practice what they preach. Sure I might not be the nicest guy and seem prickly to some, but when it comes down to it people have said that I'm really easy to talk to and be around. Yet I need something to work with, and some women tend to double down and are not as accountable as they expect men to be. Some don't return the liberties and other things that they expect from men either. It's sort of hard to convey that the way I react to stuff like I mentioned here from women it's exactly how I would with other men. Some women just expect men to fix everything and act like any conflict between men and women is one sided af.
A red flag is somebody who primarily defines their personality off of another person. You do you.
Went on a date once, I asked the girl "what kind of music do you listen to?"
She replied "whatever is Top 40."
Listening to artists who *happen* to be top 40 is one thing, but that response is basically "I listen to whatever everyone else is listening to" which is boring af at best, weird and disturbing at worst.
Dirty feet.
Clinginess, “it’s giving x”, “we love a x”.
High body count, posts revealing pics on IG. Has snapchat, still talks to her ex, has a lot of guy “friends”.
The way that some girls/women end every sentence with a question mark is annoying?
And the cutesie spelling that doesn't makeeeeee senseeeee phonetically. You even see it on BP. Drives me nuts.
Load More Replies...Treating me like a backup option. I went out with a girl one time, it did not go great for various reasons. It was over when she told me her dream was to get a job in a certain field, but on the other side of the country from me. I had already told her, before we even went on that date, that I wasn't looking to move out of my general area, because my last long term relationship ended precisely because she took a job on the other side of the country. So it ended, I, gently, let her know I wasn't interested in a second date. We parted ways. Then a few weeks later she reaches out to me again, wanting a second date, because she couldn't get her dream job, and all the other guys she had gone out with were losers. I said no. Because she wasn't asking me out because she wanted ME, she was asking me out because she couldn't get what she really wanted and so she'd settle for me. At least until something better came along.
After one date, she doesn't know you enough to choose you over a job. Since you were in the "let's see where this goes" phase, backup option is legit. The "change your life to choose me" should only come much later, after deep feelings are established.
Load More Replies...Enforcing hypermasculinity. If I want to watch a RomCom, then let me. If I want to take a bubble bath, so what? Maybe my favorite color is Purple. You’re most likely going to get more fulfillment out of your relationship if you let men be who they are and not try to stick your social stereotypes on them. Insecurity and shame is what breeds insincerity and secrecy.
My ex-husband used to occasionally like to take a bath with a beer and some chocolate. More power to him, I thought. (I get the remote for an hour!)
Load More Replies...I’d say that’s typical for these types of lists. Barring the usual stray opinion that winds up grossly generalizing a gender, I think most folks just don’t want to be in a relationship with an AH.
Load More Replies...i dont get the jealousy thing my bestie who is a woman gets jealous if we are out together and there is a nice looking woman i dont know why she gets jealous we aren't a couple just friends makes no sense to me
Are you sure she doesn't have feelings for you? I've got male friends and I'd never get jealous of them looking at or speaking to another woman. If anything, I'd encourage him to go for it if they are both single. I think you and your bestie need to talk because that is weird behavior for someone who is just a friend.
Load More Replies...I have to say that all of these entries are repulsive behaviour. This is why some women don't have female friends. If one is lucky, one finds a stable, enjoyable friend.
You know, I’m glad they included the lesbian :D 🏳️🌈
Something curious is that people can't keep reading to the end. The number of reactions is never higher than any of the previous ones, which means that people quit as the article goes on. Sad.
As a Portuguese woman, I found that going to the US and speaking with most girls my age was like going to the Movie Theater and watching a teen show... I'm 40yo already...
Gossip, I missed seeing Gossip Talk. I truly don't care what other people are doing or saying, especially if that person has nothing to do with my life.
Big turn-off: wearing clothes that over-emphasize her breasts, as if that's what she expects to make her attractive. Bonus antipoints if she's just itching for an excuse to use the phrase "I'm up here!".Personally, I like women who wear T-shirts, and not tight ones.
if periods are an ick to you then you shouldn't be dating women
Load More Replies...The way that some girls/women end every sentence with a question mark is annoying?
And the cutesie spelling that doesn't makeeeeee senseeeee phonetically. You even see it on BP. Drives me nuts.
Load More Replies...Treating me like a backup option. I went out with a girl one time, it did not go great for various reasons. It was over when she told me her dream was to get a job in a certain field, but on the other side of the country from me. I had already told her, before we even went on that date, that I wasn't looking to move out of my general area, because my last long term relationship ended precisely because she took a job on the other side of the country. So it ended, I, gently, let her know I wasn't interested in a second date. We parted ways. Then a few weeks later she reaches out to me again, wanting a second date, because she couldn't get her dream job, and all the other guys she had gone out with were losers. I said no. Because she wasn't asking me out because she wanted ME, she was asking me out because she couldn't get what she really wanted and so she'd settle for me. At least until something better came along.
After one date, she doesn't know you enough to choose you over a job. Since you were in the "let's see where this goes" phase, backup option is legit. The "change your life to choose me" should only come much later, after deep feelings are established.
Load More Replies...Enforcing hypermasculinity. If I want to watch a RomCom, then let me. If I want to take a bubble bath, so what? Maybe my favorite color is Purple. You’re most likely going to get more fulfillment out of your relationship if you let men be who they are and not try to stick your social stereotypes on them. Insecurity and shame is what breeds insincerity and secrecy.
My ex-husband used to occasionally like to take a bath with a beer and some chocolate. More power to him, I thought. (I get the remote for an hour!)
Load More Replies...I’d say that’s typical for these types of lists. Barring the usual stray opinion that winds up grossly generalizing a gender, I think most folks just don’t want to be in a relationship with an AH.
Load More Replies...i dont get the jealousy thing my bestie who is a woman gets jealous if we are out together and there is a nice looking woman i dont know why she gets jealous we aren't a couple just friends makes no sense to me
Are you sure she doesn't have feelings for you? I've got male friends and I'd never get jealous of them looking at or speaking to another woman. If anything, I'd encourage him to go for it if they are both single. I think you and your bestie need to talk because that is weird behavior for someone who is just a friend.
Load More Replies...I have to say that all of these entries are repulsive behaviour. This is why some women don't have female friends. If one is lucky, one finds a stable, enjoyable friend.
You know, I’m glad they included the lesbian :D 🏳️🌈
Something curious is that people can't keep reading to the end. The number of reactions is never higher than any of the previous ones, which means that people quit as the article goes on. Sad.
As a Portuguese woman, I found that going to the US and speaking with most girls my age was like going to the Movie Theater and watching a teen show... I'm 40yo already...
Gossip, I missed seeing Gossip Talk. I truly don't care what other people are doing or saying, especially if that person has nothing to do with my life.
Big turn-off: wearing clothes that over-emphasize her breasts, as if that's what she expects to make her attractive. Bonus antipoints if she's just itching for an excuse to use the phrase "I'm up here!".Personally, I like women who wear T-shirts, and not tight ones.
if periods are an ick to you then you shouldn't be dating women
Load More Replies...