Straight Men Share The Most Basic Things They Did That Someone Claimed Were “Gay” (50 Answers)
If you're a guy, chances are someone said you should "man up" or "boys don't cry" at some point in your life. The phrase that inspired this article is right up there among these classics.
A few months ago, Reddit user The_WereArcticFox submitted a question to the platform, where they asked: "Straight men of Reddit, what is the strangest thing you have been told not to do because 'that's gay?'" Sadly, it has received plenty of replies.
As of this article, there are over 38.5K comments under the post, proving that our society is still pretty messed up when it comes to masculinity and homosexuality.
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Not straight but bi, but large parts of my family don't know that.
Anyway this was a few years ago. I was helping my dad repair a hay bailer and I was standing around looking at my dad under the machine greasing something. I had my hands on my hips.
My uncle pulls up in his truck and rolls down the window. He shouts out to me, "Take your hands off your hips. It makes you look queer."
My dad gets out from under the bailer and starts yelling back at my uncle.
"I'd rather have a queer helping me than a lazy ass like you."
My uncle shut up and drove off.
Cry. I used to cry a lot as a child and would get bullied for it. The adults in my life all agreed that crying made me weak, but one in particular (secretary at my elementary school) thought it also made me seem gay and feminine and told me that was why I was being bullied.
The reality is that I was probably depressed from having recently moved across the country from my family and often found myself lonely so I couldn't handle the smallest amount of rejection or teasing from others.
Please don't tell children not to cry. Talk to them about their feelings so that the source of their sadness can be tackled, not the symptom. I still struggle with processing basic emotions because i spent so much time repressing them over stupid reasons like this.
Cultural pressures for men to behave in a certain way (toxic masculinity) often claim that 'real men' have to perpetuate domination, homophobia, and aggression.
To learn more about them, we contacted Dr. Stephen Whitehead, an internationally recognized author, consultant, and researcher on gender, sexuality, identity management, and relationships. "Since modern humans first evolved some 300,000 years ago, one half of the species has used its physical strength to dominate the other half. It's not used its intelligence or sought to develop its emotional depths, it has dominated by virtue of brute force or the threat of it – which has been easy for men to do because biologically, most men are physically stronger than most women," the author of 'Toxic Masculinity, curing the virus: making men smarter, healthier, safer' told Bored Panda.
Whitehead added that reinforced by the biological imperative (women are the ones who bear children), this immediately created a gender binary which then created patriarchal conditions that position women as 'natural' carers, nurturers, with men as 'natural' warriors, leaders, providers, hunters, etc. "We shouldn't, therefore, be surprised that 300,000 years of such social conditioning has resulted in one half of the species believing it is naturally superior to the other half."
I was at a party with my gf and my siblings, minding my own business while drinking sparkling water.
My BIL: “Dude, are you drinking sparkling water? That’s so gay.”
Me: points at my gf
BIL: “...”
Me: “Look I’m sorry, but you’re not my type... and with my sister.”
Several months prior I was at a gay bar ordering a sparkling water.
The bartender, smug af: “Really? Sparkling water? You must be straight.”
What is it with me drinking sparkling water and my perceived sexuality?
My granddad once told me not to brush my hair because "looking pretty is for women and the gays".
Screw you, buddy. I want to look nice and not like I'm chasing hedgehogs through a freakin bush, you unwashed heathen.
As a helicopter pilot I have a checklist. We ALL have a checklist. Even though I have the slimmer version, its still a lot of pages, so I bought some page markers and labeled the important pages like start up, shutdown, refuel, emergencies, whatevs, good idea right?
I misplaced said checklist in an aircraft I hadn't seen in a while and asked some of the more senior guys if they had seen it and one of them responded:
"Oh, the one with all the gay little page markers?"
And all the others laughed.
If being convenient is gay, then I'm flamboyant.
In reality, however, Whitehead thinks it is an illusion. "It's a myth, based on a history mostly written by men which purports to reduce women and females to a secondary sex which requires protecting and is inherently weak and vulnerable," he said. "As Simon de Beauvoir put it, women are reduced to being 'the Other.' By having women as the other, men then get to put themselves at the centre."
Males have been convinced that the idea of masculinity consists of violence, aggression, conquest, dominance, selfishness, competitiveness, combined with repression of their deepest emotions.
"As I say in my book, this myth was sold to your father, my father, and all their fathers before them. Its consequences are all around us, from religious fanaticism to denial of global warming, from corrupt capitalism to the extinction of species, from rampant weaponization to misogyny, from racism to homophobia, from empire building to genocide, and from domestic violence to male suicide. We have built a world on toxic masculinity, and humanity has paid the price. Humanity continues to pay the price," Whitehead explained.
According to him, the toxification of males starts from the moment they are born. "It takes root in the language and in practice, and feeds into men's expectations, self-perceptions, and how they relate to women. We know this, but still we seem unable or unwilling to stop it."
It's all around us, too. We may not notice all the evidence of toxic masculinity, but we're just so accustomed to it, some nuances are bound to slip our mind if we're not paying attention.
Apparently going out for Mexican and margaritas with your pal. No one said it directly, but the waitress gave us a complimentary dessert for 2 and said happy anniversary... free dessert is free dessert, I guess.
One time a girl thought I was gay because I was attentive during sex. I'm not even joking
Putting on sunscreen.
Statistics show that women live longer than men. Therefore, attempting to ensure a longer life by preventing skin cancer is unmanly.
Women live longer than men precisely because of this kind of nonsense.
Load More Replies...Especially, sitting under the umbrella. /s (I like your username, btw)
Load More Replies...strange. if my dad had been able to wear more sunscreen as a kid he'd probably not have to get melanomas removed every few months.
My father-in-law worked outside so same thing. My husband wears sunscreen now. He's pale and prone to burn. He makes sure to get his ears, that's a place his dad had a couple. The good thing about masks is the extra nose protection!
Load More Replies...My friend never ever ask for help putting on sunscreen. He burned his back so bad in Thailand while fishing without shirt. Remind me of "Passion of the Christ"
I think at that point I'd rather be told I look gay that be told I look like a fresh steamed lobster...
So their logic is only gay people get skin cancer? How stupid people can be.
were you vigorously rubbing it on your penis why ogling a group of men? assuming not. People are fools!
Because it's unmanly to not want to be turned into fried chicken 😣😤🙄
I bet the moron that said that, wouldn't say it to someone with melanoma.
Those statistics should be even more interesting this year. Something like 41% of men are refusing to be vaccinated against Civic 19.
Load More Replies...Whitehead himself cannot remember the last time he was physically threatened by a man. It may have been all the way back in the 1970s when he was a pub landlord in Leeds, Yorkshire, UK, but that doesn't mean he's not experiencing it. "I live a quiet, reflective life in Chiang Mai, northern Thailand, with my wife and step-daughter... I'm 71 [and] like everyone else these past 18 months, I've been living with the consequences of Covid-19. Thailand was barely affected up until early this year when infections suddenly went from a few hundred to over 50,000 rising at 4,000 a day, with hundreds of deaths. The Thai government immediately locked down infected areas and ruled that if you went out of your house, you had to wear a face mask. Pretty much every Thai person followed that ruling. In fact, Thais have been wearing face masks since early last year. No problem. Who hasn't been wearing face masks in Thailand? A lot of Western male expats – with many Thai press reports about this problem."
I said I like it when it rains.
2 of my friends from high school died in a car accident a week before the graduation
Everyone from the classroom went to the funeral and some lf my classmates were crying a lot
I decided to hug one of them and comfort him. One of my closest friends..
And this guy (a fat one, part of the "popular cool group wich are always doing stupid stuff to get attention") came into me, touched my back and yelled "Dude i didn't know you liked d**k hahaha"
He was kicked from the funeral and lost probably 90% of his friends
Painting my daughter's nails. (She's 3)
Two weeks ago, Whitehead was at the local ATM, getting some cash out. Suddenly, a white male, around 35, walks up with his young son. He was not wearing a face mask, nor was his child. "I politely asked him not to come close to me because he's not wearing a mask. He looked at me incredulously, demanded I repeat myself (which I did) and he then stormed past me to the ATM and started ranting about how 'people like you are the reason why we have this fucking problem. I should smack you in the mouth. Give you a good thumping! You miserable piece of shit!’ etc," Whitehead recalled.
"Emotionally, he has gone from zero to 100 in a matter of seconds. I am shocked and genuinely scared that he may attack me so I say nothing more, simply get my money out of the ATM and leave. Though I had every right to call the police not only over his threatening behavior but because he was breaking the law by not wearing a mask. The point is, he could barely control his anger – he was on the edge of violence – and that was in a very public place, broad daylight, accompanied by his son... As a psychologist/sociologist, I know toxic masculinity when I see it and this was it, full-frontal, stark, vicious, senseless, selfish, aggressive and very dangerous. As the American Psychological Association recently pointed out, toxic masculinity is a mental health issue which needs dealing with urgently."
Eating bananas, hot dogs, popsicles, string cheese, using a straw, hugging other men, touching feminine hygiene products,
This is the one that kills me; letting your 3yo daughter do your hair, makeup and nails.
Washing my as**ole. Friend of mine once said "everyone knows that's gay, you can miss me with that."
Apparently you are only allowed to wash your cheeks and let's suds run down your crack. Any direct contact with your own as**ole and u will catch the gay.
Having a child with my wife is gay. Taking care of my kid, and making being a good father and enjoying time with my child as the main goals of my life is somehow gay.
Changing diapers is apparently gay now. Having heterosexual sex and dealing with the consequences is also gay. Loving your kids and being a good dad is gay.
It doesn’t make any sense at all.
The first way to address a problem, according to the author, is to name it. And while he thinks we as a society haven't contained toxic masculinity, Whitehead believes it is now on the defensive. "MeToo, BLM, all the media discussion about the behavior of men are pushing back at TM. However, there is a rump of male society which is now going to kick hard against any critical discussion about masculine identity (and against anti-sexism, gun control, anti-racism, LGBT+ rights) but these men (and some women) are increasingly on the fringe," he said. "They do not represent the future, they represent the past. But that doesn't mean they won't be a problem going forward. We need to educate them."
But can we educate the fella who threatened to punch Whitehead in the head? Can we really educate him and the millions of men like him? "We cannot. We have to therefore educate his young son. And that can only happen in schools because there is a big danger that boy will become infected by the toxic masculinity virus also – he'll catch it from his dad."
When I was in high school, everyone thought I was gay because I wore a scarf to school one day.
A) Scarves aren't gay.
B) It was a gift from my great grandmother.
C) It was during the winter in Pennsylvania. IT. WAS. COLD.
😐 Let the others be cold if they are so rugged and manly. Scarves are cool, especially if you're The Doctor.
The strangest one I've heard is "Two guys can't drive around in a convertible with the top down."
Wow the coutlntless times this happened in movies I never thought they were gay
When I was in 8th grade, i got a solid beat down for wearing a plain purple t-shirt. Apparently only gay guys do that.
YEARS later i found out I was gay for liking d**ks, turns out it had nothing to do with my shirt. Who woulda think?
Whitehead thinks there are many ways to be a man. And toxic masculinity is just one of them. Interestingly, in his book, the author also mentions what he describes as the other two dominant forms of masculinity now circulating in the world: progressive and collapsed. "The progressive is probably going to overtake toxic masculinity eventually (if human society is lucky), while collapsed will take us very likely into an age of androgyny – we are already seeing signs of this in Japan, South Korea, China and it is emerging globally in men," he explained.
"New and dominant ways of being a male are emerging in cultures and societies. Hopefully, as this evolution takes place, the toxic version will disappear or become confined to a few dangerous places," Whitehead concluded.
My mom told me to stop complaining about my migraine cause “thats not very straight of you”
Cross my legs when sitting. After a student brought that up to me one time too many, I asked him why he was staring at my legs. That shut him up.
My students all said another teacher was gay. Reason? He had long hair. That's it.
I have a friend who is bi, she married a man. Before her wedding, her mom reminded her that some of her family were Jehovah's Witnesses and less tolerant of homosexuality, and she asked her not to "act gay". I'm not sure how you can act gay at your wedding when you're marrying someone of the opposite gender.
But in the end, her maid of honor was a lesbian and my husband and I (both men) came so her shitty, bigoted aunts had to put up with our existence anyway.
"can't come mate, I'm spending the weekend camping with my girlfriend"
"Pffft, what are you, gay? You're missing a party dude"
I'm pretty sure both of us lost braincells in the moment of silence after he said that.
I hugged my best friend. We don't do that handshake-hug-over-one-shoulder-and-pat-on-the-back bull**it, we f**king embrace. Some people think that's "gay" but we don't care. We enjoy each other.
The other day we went white water rafting and at one point we laid on our backs and floated down a calm part of the river while holding hands. I can't argue with that one, it's a little gay. Still don't care. Had a good day.
As long as y'all had fun, that's all that matters. My son always hugs his guy friends and says "I love you." His reasoning is you never know when it'll be the last time you see someone so he wants his friends to know he cares about them just in case. He is not gay and is happily married to a wonderful girl. There is nothing wrong with showing your friends that you care about them. I hope you and your friend have many more fun adventures ahead of you!
Pedicures. When I was in the military a female friend of mine convinced me to get one by paying for both of us. I've been getting them regularly now for the last 15 years and still some men think it is "gay or feminine"
Guys your missing out! It feels amazing!
Wear pink or similar colours, although it definitely is my colour
80s kid here. Anything involving showing emotion is gay. Wearing any clothing that isn't muted is gay. Stating that something is cute is gay. Getting excited about hobbies is gay. Calling your guy friends to talk is gay. Crying is gay. Airing grievances of everyday life is gay. Washing your butthole is gay. Using lotion other than jacking off is gay. Shaving anything other than your face and neck is gay.
If an alcoholic drink doesn't taste really bitter or doesn't burn your throat, apparently it's penis in a glass...
Not from my folks, but just society made me believe that guys shouldn't hug their friends. .
20 years later, my 6'3" biker friend is big on hugs.
Growing my hair and taking care of it
If you can grow your hair out, by all means do it. Look at the bearded set, see how they work their magic on all that facial floof?
My girlfriend once seriously asked me if I was gay because I said that I liked her body. Safe to say she had some issues.
Two guys can't sit next to each other in a movie theater if it's not crowded
😐 I've done this plenty of times with my brother, this just sounds silly.
I have this casual button down shirt that's...pinkish? Coral? Salmon? More of a Salmon...which is what I said in the story.
Anyway, I really like the shirt based on its fit and its material. And I never have anyone say anything bad about it (I've had like two compliments on it over the 8 years I've had it).
But one day some guy started making fun of me for wearing a pink shirt. And I thought he was joking so I started joking and went "Actually it's a lovely salmon, possibly with a lemon or honey glaze"
And he then called me a homosexual for knowing about salmon as a color and describing cooking in such a way. I don't even know how to cook lol, I ordered that at a restaurant once and loved it.
F**k 'em though. One of the girls I dated loved the shirt.
I was engaged, and my co-workers knew I was engaged to a woman.
I was at some sort of work thing, and started talking to a guy who was obviously gay. We started talking about philosophy, and I thought he was a cool guy. I was just like hey, if I ever read "x book" that we were talking about, I'd love to discuss it with you over coffee or something, but I might not read it anytime soon.
I'd just graduated college, where getting coffee with someone didn't mean anything, and you just did it if you wanted to have a conversation with them.
Apparently everyone thought I asked the dude out. I guess I see where they're coming from, but I just wanted to talk about Wittgenstein with someone who'd read him should I ever read him.
I've been told wearing a mask, or PPE in general, is "gay".
Loving my fiancee. Apparently having feelings for someone of the opposite sex was gay. These were older men who are always saying "I hate my wife" or "once you're married you'll hate her". I truly don't understand how people get like that. If loving my fiancee is gay then I'm the biggest queer in the world.
They're just jealous that you're in a loving relationship and they're old and miserable. You should love your fiance. If you didn't love her why the heck would you be with her? Duh!
Play as a female video game character.
Calling out a family member who catcalled a woman that was jogging
At the age of 22, during Obama’s re-election, my dad told me voting for him was gay and would turn me into a homosexual.
Plot Twist: Dad is white, mom is black.
A friend told me I'm holding my fork in a gay kind of way.
At work I once complimented another man on his outfit. My male co-workers looked at me as if I had asked if he had naked photos of himself I could see.
The time my female friend was wildly drunk and I wouldn't have sex with her. Both her and my male friends were all calling me gay that night!
Hugging a friend that had lost his father, sad to see caring about others is also being hit by toxic masculinity.
Work at Victoria's Secret for a summer. I was trynna speed up the girlfriend-getting process and decided to work at a female-rich environment but apparently that was gay.
I was taking prescription strength pain killers after surgery. My friend had come over to check on me. Her boyfriend (ex) thought it was gay to take pain killers and told me to be a man.
Using a loofah. Like bruh I can feel it's making me cleaner than just a bar of soap how TF is cleanliness gay.
Not exactly "that's gay" but a guy talked down to me once for using the word "craving" because "Cravings are something only women get!"
Not that I've been told not to do it, but I know a guy who refuses to eat p**sy because he says it's gay.
Gay guy here, I enjoy playing piano and used to get told "it's gay af" back in middle school. Now when I see the amount of straight guys getting chicks because they can play an instrument, ha.
I had a friend tell me once when we were 18 (around 2005) that I "smoked cigarettes like a queer." I asked what the f*ck that was supposed to mean. He had no explanation, just kept repeating the same line, until I reminded him that he taught me about cigarettes, how to hold and smoke them. Everyone in the group turned to him and laughed him out of the room.
My cousin described his shoes as “comfy”. My dad suspected him of being gay for several years later.
Rent a cottage with my gf instead of going camping with the boys.
Broke a guy’s jaw in high school, sent him a get well card while he was in the hospital. He called me gay for sending the card
Me and a friend of mine used to be like Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels from dumb and dumber . Always getting in trouble , bunking class on my scooter , going out to eat , buy groceries , a long ride out of the city coz the air is so fresh where people don't live . My friend later told me he heard a rumor that we both were always together so we were gay . We laughed it off and went to have our hot pockets .
The same thing happened to me and my BF in high school. We were HS losers and hung out together and nobody else. Apparently, that meant we were lesbians.
Not me but a friend was seen as effeminate because he was into sewing. I'm sorry, but the manliest man trait on the planet is practicality, and sewing is one of the most practical skills to have at literally any point in history.
My husband is a 6'3" diesel mechanic and a very manly man. Not only does he sew, but he also crochets. I don't find it effeminate at all. I personally think it's kinda hot that a big burly man like him can crochet and sew as well as he does.
My father said it was gay to play an instrument...
...but he pretty much called anything he didn't like or couldn't do gay...
...now that I think about it he thought a lot was gay. There were gay ways to eat donuts, gay ways to sit, it was gay to take a bath, it was gay to want your friend over to play videogames because it was two guys in a closed room...
And his explanations were really detailed as to why it was all gay...my father thought really deeply about why things were gay or hetero.
Oh well, it's not like I talk to him anymore.
That second paragraph nails the whole thing! Anything a man doesn't like or cannot do that another man does or can must be gay by default. Because gay is a "bad thing", it's not what he wants to be, so if he doesn't like it/can't do it, it's automatically a bad thing and therefore gay! It doesn't get more straight forward than this. (Using the "All tables have legs, I have legs, therefore I am a table" logic)
Eating a salad or a god forbid a BANANA
Not cheating on my then-girlfriend, now-wife with another girl
I enjoyed acting in community theater growing up. Apparently that made me gayer than a handbag full of rainbows
Back in high school my friend was called gay for liking the smell of a women's perfume. He shot back "well, women use it to attract men, so it's only logical I like it"
I had a girlfriend that started laughing when I crossed my legs because that’s hella gay.
And it was like the full straight guy spread out T leg cross.
not a guy, but i used to be in chorus in high school. guys would comment that the guys in chorus were gay. they weren't and most of them had amazing voices.
so i would ask them who their favorite band was - it was always a male dominated group, and then watch their brains implode when i asked them if the lead singer was gay.
Doing anything about my appearance/well-being is perceived as "gay" by under-sexed macho jacka**es. When I started dressing well, I got called metrosexual. Telling the wrong people I got a pedicure or massage gets me gay comments. Bruh I just wanna look pretty get off my case.
I feel like "gay" is being used to describe what these people perceive as "feminine" traits/qualities/habits which is seen as inferior to "masculine" traits/qualities/habits. It's misogyny disguised as homophobia, both of which suck.
Being unable to lift more than a girl.... i was 7 and she was like 30
Sharing your feelings as a male. Christ.
I share my feelings with people I care about all the time, I'm male and I feel better having vented instead of being angry at things.
An old man told me I was gay because I wore shorts. His exact words were "you want people to see your legs like some f****t"
???? dude???? i'm gay bc i'm a sweaty pig in long trousers??? bitch wtf???
My husband was told he was gay because he was reading Sunstone, an adult comic series based around a kinky lesbian relationship.
Brazilian living in the US. Speedo is a gay thing. I don't get it.
So I was about to go on a date with a girl and my (didn't know he was) gay friend said that I shouldn't because it's gay.
Join theater at highschool. Joinna frat in college....smh
Liking female vocalists or rappers
When I was young, I couple of friends refused to be seen with me if I wore a red t-shirt because wearing red is gay!
I'll admit that I was the perpetrator in this case. When I was veeery young, like 8 or 9, I was convinced eating strawberries was kinda gay
I worked with a guy from Somalia who had strange ideas about a lot of things who told me I was gay for putting on chapstick. And brought it up at least once a week for months
There was a guy in my group of friends who would ask if anyone had chapstick on them. Texas winters can really dry your lips terrible. They can crack and bleed easy. All I had was clear lipstick but it worked the same. Never thought he was gay. Just found it amusing.
Knew a guy in college who was disgusted at the idea of going down on a woman. He said it was gay, and we all just kinda stared at him like "A guy... eating out a girl... is gay?" He insisted only girls and gay men go down on their partners. It was really weird. Not sure if it was a cultural thing; he's Jamaican, but I've never had the opportunity to discuss the topic with another Jamaican.
My mom walked in on my shaving my arm pits, and promptly went to tell my dad all about how gay it is.
If you had a piercing in the right ear you were gay.
That does have its origins in the underground gay scene. Like back in the 60s and 70s in the UK when it was still illegal to be gay, they invented their own language and external signs (like the earring). It was a sort of subversive Grindr. One of those legacy things which was true at the time.
I played the clarinet. I got called Faginet alot.
Go to cheer camp. I was the mascot at my school and thought it would be awesome be a straight guy where the girls are all barely clothed. I pointed this out to people and they had to seriously reconsider what they thought was gay.
Also, when I used to look at porn, apparently wanting the guy to be younger and somewhat attractive was gay.
Being a theater tech was kinda day (only if it was musicals).
Getting real excited about hobbies is gay. This is the one I'm most upset about. I didn't think it was gay, I just lost interest because of all the stupid comments. It's not till now that I'm almost 30 that I'm finally loving having some great hobbies
I ordered champagne for breakfast and one person I know and two staff members asked if I was gay.
Ok, I can understand the other person but the staff members. That is so inappropriate and unprofessional.
Drink any beverage out of a bottle, rather than a cup.
A buddy of mine once complained that no one looked manly drinking from a straw.
I don't think people are trying to look manly while drinking from a straw. It's just convenient in some cases.
Have girls as friends in primary school. Many of my male friends told me that was 'Gay'. Now whos laughing when I am the only guy invited to girls slumber parties.
And I'm Bisexual
When our Physical Education Teacher examines if we cut our nails boys would show with their palms upward and bent at knuckles whereas girls would simply show palms facing downward. Now if you did the other thing you're gay. Our teacher sensed something off and made everyone show with their palms down.
Told this guy I liked his wrist watch and he completely flipped out calling me gay. Then he goes storming out of the bathroom without even flushing his urinal.
When I was little somebody told me to check my nails and apparently if you make a half fist and turn your hand so you can look at them it means you're straight. If you hold your hand up like you are about to give someone a high five it means you're gay.... Kids are weird...
I shouldn't compete in wrestling because its hot, sweaty men grabbing onto eachother. And yet girls can make-out with eachother, full-on have sex and still claim to be straight.
See the movie Women in Love. And no, wrestling isn't gay. Or if it is, who cares?
“You like pink ! That’s gay !“
”O, You run like a girl !”
Yet, nobody gives a damn If a girl wears blue, and If a woman runs fast, she‘s an athlete.
Being a flight attendant. I’m straight and became a FA for the travel and earn a little money. Most people I met on crews would assume I was gay until they talked to me and figured out I wasn’t. I screwed several female FAs btw
While mit is easy to condemn those who made these ridiculous comments about what constitutes being gay, I pity them. Not only because they consider being gay something "wrong" or at least undesirable, but because they are so insecure in their very being. It must be so hard to build a life around not behaving "gay", leaving out the chance to show emotion, doing what is healthy for you, and enjoying life with others (gender and age without any relevance).
"...they are so insecure in their very being." Exactly.
Load More Replies...It should of course go without saying, but being percieved as being gay .. is not something to really get hung up on. Being gay is fine. Not being gay is fine.
I get a few people assuming I'm a lesbian. It shouldn't bother me, but people making such inaccurate base assumptions about me always does. I also am uncomfortable when they assume I'm a christian.
Load More Replies...I’m pansexual so I can’t comment, but the amount of stigma when it comes to gender and how one should act in order to fit into one category or another is ridiculous. Where did this crap even come from?
History. We are changing it, but some people are slow to catch on that a whole lot of stuff that was normal just a few decades ago, was only normal because it was the norm. Not because it should have been normal. So. Slowly. We are getting there. Racism, sexism, equality for all, inclusion. we are working on it.
Load More Replies...According to these posts, 'real men' are supposed to be filthy, unkempt, feel nothing but anger or lust, and do nothing other than run around having sex or beating people up. Shows how fragile masculinity has become for some.
But only penetrative sex with the penis - no cunnilingus (at least two posts say that's gay too). So more or less barely evolved cavemen.
Load More Replies...O . o; Most of this is just plain rotten, proof that masculinity is nothing more than a sham. I can't say I've really experienced any of this (other than being confused for a female, which doesn't irk me too much), but I feel sorry for anyone who has to put up with this kind of harassment. Be kind to each other, express yourself how you feel fit and don't give into their hatred and jealousy.
So gay now means cool? Okay, got it, gay! This language evolves so fast...
This also goes the other way around- I am gay and the things I am apparently supposed to do and like just because I am gay are ridiculous. And even worse, the things I am apparently not 'allowed' to do, because it doesn't fit someones idea of a gay man (especially young white women seem to have a lot of unwritten rules for us). Sexuality and personality are not determined by whom you go to bed with. My best friend (who is straight) often got told by his family that his hobbies are 'gay' and that he should be more like me. Turned awkward quickly when people realized that I am the gay one (and that I support my friend in all of his hobbies).
in middle school had a girl tell me to look at the bottom of my shoe. so i lifted my foot in front of me sideways to look under. girl said that i was straight. i asked what the hell is going on. she said that if you lift your shoe from the back and looked behind you then thats gay. told her whatever and moved on with my life.
When I was about 30 I had way more male admirers than female (I was/am married & straight). One in particular starting stalking the restaurant I ran and couldn't believe that. I called a friend who is gay and very open - "tell me, do I seem gay?" he said yes. Details please? So here's how I learned I must be gay: 1. I'm always groomed 2. I'm sociable 3. I make eye contact a lot 4. I'm stylish (so he says) 5. I like musicals 6. I go to piano bars 7. I like Queen 8. I can spell 9. I sleep in a queen-size bed 10. I sleep on a queen size mattress So there's the list in case I'm confused. I'm a f@#$%t and don't know it! (Damn, that was supposed to rhyme.)
A friend from work outed to me, cause he thought I would understand. I thought it was because I am very aproachable to people, but no, he thought I was gay too, for some of the reasons you have posted. Not into musicals, and don't think i'm stylish.
Load More Replies...My family thought I was gay because I lived in San Francisco. I guess once you step foot there, it's like "POOF!"
Easy....performing CPR on a male coworker. He recovered. We were both 'gay' after that. Even though we're both hetero. People are idiots...
What I got from this is: homophobic = lazy, stinky, unorganized, doesn't respect women/children/animals/themselves, poor hygiene, wears clothes not appropriate for the weather, illiterate, jealous of people in relationships, and really the one we all know flat out ignorant
Gay is not a problem. Homophobia is a problem. Skin of different colour is not a problem. Racism is a problem. Why is it so difficult to just be yourself? And so sad.
I hope things are better, but a lot of these hit home. Liking the color purple, using an umbrella, crying after breaking my nose, being polite. It used to be a catchall for perceived femininity or weakness.
So apparently in order to be straight a guy has to... be smelly and unhygienic, unmusical, unable to dance, an emotionless robot, not spend time with his girlfriend, definitely not marry a girl, be a bad father, a bad friend, unable to cook, unable to repair anything made of cloth, and never ever put his hands on his hips. Sounds bloody awful.
First. And if they were actually gay, why would that hurt you. Second.. its not always about being gay or not. Sometimes here its just that people assume that the person you are with is your SO. Which happens with straight people too cause woman cant have male friends or someting. That kinda stuff
I'd rather be a gentleman even being told as gay than to be a jerk just because afraid of being told as gay.. What definition of 'gay' exactly anyway, it's so subjective in this articles
Reddit: Here are some things men struggle with. Bored Panda: Let's interview an "expert" to insult men with their feminist propaganda.
In college, I was helping a female classmate with her coursework, as she didn't understand some of the material. Another classmate said I was flirting with her, and when I denied it he said I "must be gay". She wasn't even my type. I've also been called gay because I can cook (common I know), being able to speak French, and wearing a baseball cap.
For everyone out there: Be happy the way you are. The stories in this article make "gay" seem like an insult. I like purple, you like green. I like men (I am a woman), you like men and you are a man, what is the matter?
Most of what I see in this article is how much of homophobic culture is built around using homophobia as a means of controlling behavior on a case-by-case basis. It would seem to me that it's less about fearing being "gay" as it is about conforming to expectations of what it means at that specific moment to be "straight", and thus any behavior that is undesirable by the party uttering the word "gay" is fair game, even if there is no logical reason for it. Fascinating.
(It was in the 80's) We were asked at school, what we would like to do for a living ... we were around 15. A male schoolmate said he would become a farmer and later run the family - farm with his mother. Some of his classmates laughed at him and said it was totally gay to want to work with your own mother. His mother ran one of the largest farms in the area, which she had inherited from her parents ... they grew fruits, vegetables and flowers. His father was a vet ... which, by the way, was also gay ?! One of the most ridiculous statements on the subject of "gay" I have ever heard ... till now!
Not scoring a goal in football. Then not getting naked in the communal showers. Life in a 1980's London boys school.
And this is why I taught my son early on that "gay" isn't an insult, and shouldn't be used as such. One of the few rules that I have.
I don't know where to begin, the homophobia of using 'gay' as an insult, or the fact that men are insulted for doing anything even distantly associated with femininity (and the face that being feminine is so terrible that it's used as an insult).
I've had long hair since I was in High School, people (mostly other guys) frequently assume I'm gay just because of that.
I have one: watching Sex & The City with my gf, and enjoying it. But the series, the movies were crap imo.
So: being safe, caring, hygenical, and having fun is gay. Why does gay sound like a complement now?
I can't understand how calling someone 'gay' is an insult? Who the hell cares? Enjoy your life, do what you enjoy, where what you like etc. If others call you gay then it's their problem.
Once you hit a certain age you just stop caring. It’s extremely liberating!
My teen nephew was once told he was gay when he got a summer job working at a daycare center.
in TX, drinking a cup of hot tea for afternoon break instead of a carbonated beverage will get you slapped with the "label".... With the sexual revolution now in its sixth decade, men are very insecure about sexuality, especially when it comes to their own. The solution is to label and categorize everything. This gives a feeling of control and macho superiority. To which I reply, guilty dog barks first. Kind of pathetic, actually...
While mit is easy to condemn those who made these ridiculous comments about what constitutes being gay, I pity them. Not only because they consider being gay something "wrong" or at least undesirable, but because they are so insecure in their very being. It must be so hard to build a life around not behaving "gay", leaving out the chance to show emotion, doing what is healthy for you, and enjoying life with others (gender and age without any relevance).
"...they are so insecure in their very being." Exactly.
Load More Replies...It should of course go without saying, but being percieved as being gay .. is not something to really get hung up on. Being gay is fine. Not being gay is fine.
I get a few people assuming I'm a lesbian. It shouldn't bother me, but people making such inaccurate base assumptions about me always does. I also am uncomfortable when they assume I'm a christian.
Load More Replies...I’m pansexual so I can’t comment, but the amount of stigma when it comes to gender and how one should act in order to fit into one category or another is ridiculous. Where did this crap even come from?
History. We are changing it, but some people are slow to catch on that a whole lot of stuff that was normal just a few decades ago, was only normal because it was the norm. Not because it should have been normal. So. Slowly. We are getting there. Racism, sexism, equality for all, inclusion. we are working on it.
Load More Replies...According to these posts, 'real men' are supposed to be filthy, unkempt, feel nothing but anger or lust, and do nothing other than run around having sex or beating people up. Shows how fragile masculinity has become for some.
But only penetrative sex with the penis - no cunnilingus (at least two posts say that's gay too). So more or less barely evolved cavemen.
Load More Replies...O . o; Most of this is just plain rotten, proof that masculinity is nothing more than a sham. I can't say I've really experienced any of this (other than being confused for a female, which doesn't irk me too much), but I feel sorry for anyone who has to put up with this kind of harassment. Be kind to each other, express yourself how you feel fit and don't give into their hatred and jealousy.
So gay now means cool? Okay, got it, gay! This language evolves so fast...
This also goes the other way around- I am gay and the things I am apparently supposed to do and like just because I am gay are ridiculous. And even worse, the things I am apparently not 'allowed' to do, because it doesn't fit someones idea of a gay man (especially young white women seem to have a lot of unwritten rules for us). Sexuality and personality are not determined by whom you go to bed with. My best friend (who is straight) often got told by his family that his hobbies are 'gay' and that he should be more like me. Turned awkward quickly when people realized that I am the gay one (and that I support my friend in all of his hobbies).
in middle school had a girl tell me to look at the bottom of my shoe. so i lifted my foot in front of me sideways to look under. girl said that i was straight. i asked what the hell is going on. she said that if you lift your shoe from the back and looked behind you then thats gay. told her whatever and moved on with my life.
When I was about 30 I had way more male admirers than female (I was/am married & straight). One in particular starting stalking the restaurant I ran and couldn't believe that. I called a friend who is gay and very open - "tell me, do I seem gay?" he said yes. Details please? So here's how I learned I must be gay: 1. I'm always groomed 2. I'm sociable 3. I make eye contact a lot 4. I'm stylish (so he says) 5. I like musicals 6. I go to piano bars 7. I like Queen 8. I can spell 9. I sleep in a queen-size bed 10. I sleep on a queen size mattress So there's the list in case I'm confused. I'm a f@#$%t and don't know it! (Damn, that was supposed to rhyme.)
A friend from work outed to me, cause he thought I would understand. I thought it was because I am very aproachable to people, but no, he thought I was gay too, for some of the reasons you have posted. Not into musicals, and don't think i'm stylish.
Load More Replies...My family thought I was gay because I lived in San Francisco. I guess once you step foot there, it's like "POOF!"
Easy....performing CPR on a male coworker. He recovered. We were both 'gay' after that. Even though we're both hetero. People are idiots...
What I got from this is: homophobic = lazy, stinky, unorganized, doesn't respect women/children/animals/themselves, poor hygiene, wears clothes not appropriate for the weather, illiterate, jealous of people in relationships, and really the one we all know flat out ignorant
Gay is not a problem. Homophobia is a problem. Skin of different colour is not a problem. Racism is a problem. Why is it so difficult to just be yourself? And so sad.
I hope things are better, but a lot of these hit home. Liking the color purple, using an umbrella, crying after breaking my nose, being polite. It used to be a catchall for perceived femininity or weakness.
So apparently in order to be straight a guy has to... be smelly and unhygienic, unmusical, unable to dance, an emotionless robot, not spend time with his girlfriend, definitely not marry a girl, be a bad father, a bad friend, unable to cook, unable to repair anything made of cloth, and never ever put his hands on his hips. Sounds bloody awful.
First. And if they were actually gay, why would that hurt you. Second.. its not always about being gay or not. Sometimes here its just that people assume that the person you are with is your SO. Which happens with straight people too cause woman cant have male friends or someting. That kinda stuff
I'd rather be a gentleman even being told as gay than to be a jerk just because afraid of being told as gay.. What definition of 'gay' exactly anyway, it's so subjective in this articles
Reddit: Here are some things men struggle with. Bored Panda: Let's interview an "expert" to insult men with their feminist propaganda.
In college, I was helping a female classmate with her coursework, as she didn't understand some of the material. Another classmate said I was flirting with her, and when I denied it he said I "must be gay". She wasn't even my type. I've also been called gay because I can cook (common I know), being able to speak French, and wearing a baseball cap.
For everyone out there: Be happy the way you are. The stories in this article make "gay" seem like an insult. I like purple, you like green. I like men (I am a woman), you like men and you are a man, what is the matter?
Most of what I see in this article is how much of homophobic culture is built around using homophobia as a means of controlling behavior on a case-by-case basis. It would seem to me that it's less about fearing being "gay" as it is about conforming to expectations of what it means at that specific moment to be "straight", and thus any behavior that is undesirable by the party uttering the word "gay" is fair game, even if there is no logical reason for it. Fascinating.
(It was in the 80's) We were asked at school, what we would like to do for a living ... we were around 15. A male schoolmate said he would become a farmer and later run the family - farm with his mother. Some of his classmates laughed at him and said it was totally gay to want to work with your own mother. His mother ran one of the largest farms in the area, which she had inherited from her parents ... they grew fruits, vegetables and flowers. His father was a vet ... which, by the way, was also gay ?! One of the most ridiculous statements on the subject of "gay" I have ever heard ... till now!
Not scoring a goal in football. Then not getting naked in the communal showers. Life in a 1980's London boys school.
And this is why I taught my son early on that "gay" isn't an insult, and shouldn't be used as such. One of the few rules that I have.
I don't know where to begin, the homophobia of using 'gay' as an insult, or the fact that men are insulted for doing anything even distantly associated with femininity (and the face that being feminine is so terrible that it's used as an insult).
I've had long hair since I was in High School, people (mostly other guys) frequently assume I'm gay just because of that.
I have one: watching Sex & The City with my gf, and enjoying it. But the series, the movies were crap imo.
So: being safe, caring, hygenical, and having fun is gay. Why does gay sound like a complement now?
I can't understand how calling someone 'gay' is an insult? Who the hell cares? Enjoy your life, do what you enjoy, where what you like etc. If others call you gay then it's their problem.
Once you hit a certain age you just stop caring. It’s extremely liberating!
My teen nephew was once told he was gay when he got a summer job working at a daycare center.
in TX, drinking a cup of hot tea for afternoon break instead of a carbonated beverage will get you slapped with the "label".... With the sexual revolution now in its sixth decade, men are very insecure about sexuality, especially when it comes to their own. The solution is to label and categorize everything. This gives a feeling of control and macho superiority. To which I reply, guilty dog barks first. Kind of pathetic, actually...