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It’s no secret that not everyone is equally excited about the possibility of becoming a parent; that’s why a growing number of people reportedly choose to remain child-free.
To some, that’s not an easy decision to make—even those who want to be child-free might have certain doubts or reasons not to—but others seem to enjoy the benefits of life with no kids, seeing close to no disadvantages of such an arrangement.
Members of the ‘Ask Reddit’ subreddit were recently asked to share what their life was like without children. User ‘xtzq11’, also known simply as Benjamin, addressed the child-free married couples in the community and quite a few were willing to describe their child-free experience.
If you’re curious about what they had to say, scroll down to find their stories on the list below, where you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with a psychotherapist, consultant, and writer, Kaytee Gillis, LCSW-BACS, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions on being child-free.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
My wife has a small army of nieces and nephews. So we just rent kids whenever we want one.
junipurrrrr 1 year ago
This is my plan, I have three younger brothers and I don’t know if I want kids or not but I’m sure one of them will end up with at least a kid.
Ace 1 year ago
Given the dual meaning of 'rent' I read this like you were making a good profit out of lending the kids to other people, which seems like a splendid idea.
Scott Rackley 1 year ago
Being the cool, fun uncle is quite alright. I have 4 nephews and 5 nieces. Quite enough children around to spoil and hand back.
B 1 year ago
I read an incredible book (it's a novel, a thriller) called 10:59 by N R Baker and it honestly changed the way I see the world. If anyone is even vaguely uncertain about whether to have kids or not, I absolutely recommend this story - it will make you question why you want children, and whether it's worth having them at all. Check out Amazon and Goodreads for reviews if you're interested.
I_imagine_even_worse_w***s 1 year ago
Same! I actually have 3 of them weekdays bow it's their summer holidays. (I'm wfh atm and they are 8 to 12 yo so it's not much of a hassle and my hours are flexible). Literally never in my wildest dreams would I have ever imagined that I'd volunteer to do this...makes such a difference being able to hand them back!!! Love them to bits and spend a lot of time with all my nieces and nephews (I have alot!) It's actually only reaffirmed our decision to bot have kids we love this set up and wouldn't change it for the world.
RELATED:
#2
A lot of people on here have mentioned having access to more materialistic things like more money, travel, house/s etc. but I think it's also important to mention that being child-free gives you time to be selfless towards others in society rather than just inside your own four walls.
There is so much emotional and physical energy available for volunteer work, caring for abandoned members in society, and running and participating in sports and social groups that it really becomes super emotionally fulfilling and the complete opposite of being lonely both for yourself and the people you're spending time with.
Jihana 1 year ago
Now that makes me feel bad. I'm chidfree and I don't do any of those things.
Mia Black 1 year ago
I always felt bad that I didn't have the energy to volunteer and didn't have the money for meaningful donations. But every little bit helps. I've now found a way that suits me: I occasionally save food from cooperation partners of foodsharing (environmental association) and often bring it to an emergency shelter, distribute it via Telegram to those in need but also to neighbors, and there are distribution stations in churches that I use even as an agnostic in order to be able to offer food to as many people as possible. That way I save a little on shopping and distribute food for a few hours a week. I'm glad to be at least a little useful in this way...
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Jen Exer 1 year ago
This this THIS! What I love most about being child-free is that all my energy, intent, and imagination go toward easing the suffering of others who are forgotten, overwhelmed, cast aside, or oppressed. It is fulfilling and inspiring to do what I do! A vocation (calling) to help my fellow beings. It is never about comparing myself to anyone else, only relating, empathizing, cultivating my own compassion. Because that gives my life meaning.
MandyMolaFizzyCola 1 year ago
I don't understand the logic that being child-free means rolling around in all these extra dollar bills. I don't have (or want) kids and I'm broke as s**t.
iseefractals 1 year ago
While i do have a grown son from a previous relationship, my wife and i do not have, nor want kids....instead we've spent the past 11 years building our own business...the first 5 years or so, were a struggle. Long hours just to scrape by, but a sacrifice we were both happy to make in order to have something that was ours...the past 6 years have been on steep upwards trajectory, the hours are just as long, the money has just gotten a lot better....and throughout it all, having a child would have....if not outright prevented the pursuit, it would have made, our lives ,the kids life and the business suffer. Instead....we have 6 cats....and i spend a couple hours out of everyday caring for all the forgotten animals of our city. Several dozen water dishes to refill across several blocks, several times a day, food, meds, vet visits, sterilization and a steady rotation of fostered strays we find homes for....on top of the kitty sanctuary our garden has turned into.
clairebear 1 year ago (edited)
Many societies, clubs, charities, fairs, food banks, community events and support would buckle or disappear completely if it wasn't for the childfree giving their time and energy to run them and help out. But we are called the selfish ones.
Kobe (she) 1 year ago
Thank you for your input. That goes for people with kids too, though. In our nursing home, we have SAHM helping out few hours a week when kids are at school. Or moms / dads whose kids are old enough or adults...Just saying that you don't need to be childfree to give a little time for the community.
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Laura Slade 1 year ago
I agree, I do volunteer work and was an involved aunt, neither of my sisters had bandwidth to do this
#3
We are the age (71m &70f) when most would have grandchildren, would want to be near them, be there for the holidays and birthdays. But instead we are just entering our third year of vagabonding around the world, footloose and fancy free. No responsibilities and no worries. Life has been good from the get-go, but now it’s never been better!
winterwidow87 1 year ago (edited)
I am so grateful for this post. One of the most annoying things i get told as a childless woman who is almost 40 is: "but who will take care of you when you're older?" and it's so annoying. Also, i worked in a nursing home and i can assure you they are full of old people with kids and grandkids. Don't have kids just to have someone who will take care of you when you're older, it's selfish and it's also not a guarantee.
Little Wonder 1 year ago
I've said it here a few times, but it bears repeating. My Aunt died at 80, no children. Who took care of her when she was older? Friends and family. Family can be chosen as well as birthed.
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MarvinsMom 1 year ago
I am 47 and my husband is 50. We are training our cats to take care of us when we get old ;)
Agfox 1 year ago
I feel you can do this even if you have grandkids, you don't have to be near them all year round
Ravioli 1 week ago (edited)
No s**t, it's like people have kids and suddenly their life ends! You can still travel and have fun with kids, and they are going to grow enough in little more than a decade that you will be almost back to complete independence, and once they leave you have no obligation to do anything, you can spend or not spend whatever amount of time on your grandkids. If people decide to spend time on their grandkids SPOILER ALERT it's because it's enjoyable.
Load More Replies...Not all people are equally fascinated by the thought of becoming parents, as they shouldn’t necessarily be; at a certain point in their lives some might realize that being a mom or a dad is simply not for them and decide not to have children of their own.
According to Kaytee Gillis, there are many reasons people decide to be child-free, from personal freedom, career aspirations, and financial stability to concerns about overpopulation or environmental impact, and a desire to focus on personal fulfillment or relationships other than parenthood.
“It's important to note that the decision to be childfree is deeply personal and valid, and individuals should be supported in making choices that align with their values and life goals,” she said in an interview with Bored Panda.
#4
Quiet. We both grew up in loud, toxic households. None of that bs in our house.
Nikki Gross 1 year ago
This!!! I have a huge a*s family so it was NEVER quite around our house because of all of us kids and our friends. I was 12 years old when I finally got my own bedroom and wasn't the family nomad who was shuffled from room to room, wherever there was space for me. I was 15 years old when my last sibling moved out and it left just me and Mom with an entire house to ourselves. Mom always told all of us kids and our friends that "As long as I have a roof over my head, you will have one over yours" so when I turned 18 there was a revolving door of family and friends that would stay here when they needed somewhere to go. Mom was one of those parents that actually missed when we were all kids and thought the house was way to quite. That was just one of the many reasons why we let people come and go whenever they needed a place to stay.
Nadine Lynch 1 year ago
This! More this than anything! I had to endure so much abusive screaming and swearing when I was a child that I went for peace and quiet the first chance I got.
Gaerwing 1 year ago
Mate it's a stock photo, it's not actually them, do you honestly think they posed a professional photo to post a response on a Reddit thread? Also all the parents I know are glued to their phones way more than I am! Constantly scrolling parenting Instagrams, getting updates from daycare, planning playdates and all other life admin. Kids are hardly a way to unplug.
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#5
Been married 32 years, visited 110 countries, lived in 7, semi retired with 3 dogs, paid off house and 2 rental properties, I'd say life is good.
Ali's Adventures in Bakerland 1 year ago
That is possible with kids. I'm still fairly young, working by choice, house owner, with my husband for 15 years, lived in 5 countries...visited ... lots. Have 4 kids and one dog. Thinking about buying property abroad.
Amelia Jade 1 year ago
Been married 28 years, have been to seven countries, lived in four, paid off house, 2 cats....3 kids. Have never once felt like kids have stopped us from traveling. We've traveled to a handful of countries, and all over the US. Hiking & Road Trips are our thing and we've never had to slow down--even with kids. We're also 100% debt free. Being a parent in and of itself does not stop the ability to do these things.
Kelsie Marx 1 year ago
I hate saying this (but in a way I don’t). I love my son to pieces, but reading something like this, really makes me wish I was childless. Just my husband and me, and us traveling the world 🫤
Ravioli 1 week ago
Fact is, if you were going to travel you'd do it regardless of kids, if you didn't you weren't going to anyways
Load More Replies... Kelsie Marx 1 year ago
I’m kind of jealous 🫤! Honestly, there are some days, where I wish I wasn’t a parent🤦🏻♀️!
Ziggyc 1 year ago
This is also possible with children..I'm 55 my husband and I are mortgage free and have a rental property.Our sons are 36 and 34,we have two grandchildren,we travel internationally once a year and domestically twice a year.have always done that ever since the youngest son was 3.We now do it just the two of us but travel domestically with our family and have taken our Grandchildren to a different place each year . Children haven't stopped us doing this. Thus whole this is easy if you want kids have them if you don't want them don't...but don't say having children means you can't travel or be debt free .
“Doubts about being childfree can arise from societal expectations, family pressure, fear of regret later in life, or concerns about loneliness in old age,” the expert continued, pointing out that for many, the cons of remaining child-free include societal stigma, potential loneliness if social circles revolve around parenting, and navigating familial or cultural expectations.
The pros, on the other hand, often involve greater flexibility, more disposable income, and the ability to prioritize personal goals and interests.
#6
It’s pretty freakin awesome. My only reason for not having children is simply a lack of desire. Now that I’m in my 50’s I can honestly say that my current lifestyle is a direct result of not having any. I have far more time, energy and disposable income that I would not have if I’d had children. When I was explaining to the world in my 20’s that I just didn’t want kids, I had no idea that as I aged I would see and appreciate the benefits of being childfree more and more. I didn’t realize until my 40’s that my life was truly affected in a positive way that I can only attribute to no children.
Not a day goes by that I don’t thank my lucky stars I don’t have kids.
I’m truly free.
Kristy Marion 1 year ago
When I was in my mid 30s, a dear friend said that she thought I’d regret no having kids. Now I’m in my late 40s, I have zero regrets.I love and applaud my friends with kids, but it would have 100% been the wrong decision for me. And I appreciate that more and more as I age
Ephemera Image 1 year ago
Same here. I love animals, had horses and now have cats. I love my child free life. I'm a senior citizen by the way, no regrets whatsoever!
#7
Quiet when we want. Loud when we want. Late when we want. Early when we want.
Whatever we want, whenever we want, assuming our cats get their scheduled meals.
Edit: we have auto feeders on a schedule, they just want their morning and night little wet food meals.
Thanks for the cake day wishes!
“Some individuals find it difficult to understand people’s decision to be childfree due to deeply ingrained cultural norms that equate parenthood with fulfillment and success. There may also be misconceptions about the reasons behind the decision, such as assuming childfree individuals are selfish or lacking nurturing qualities,” Gillis added.
#9
Well, I'm not arguing with anyone to brush their teeth or do homework. There has not been a single tear shed today. Definitely not a single scream. My white couch is looking immaculate, I'm researching snorkeling tours for our next vacation and I had a bagel for dinner, because why not?
Although I do have to say, one of the dogs threw up. It's really ruined the whole day.
featherytoad 1 year ago
If your dog throwing up ruined your whole day, can you imagine having kids?
#10
Sometimes I just feel really unfulfilled, like I haven't done anything worthwhile with my life.
Lol jk it's the best, I can do anything I set my mind to because I don't have to spend all of my time, energy, and money on anything I don't want.
xolitaire 1 year ago
The entire "you need to have children to feel like a woman" spiel is, at least to me, total bull. On the contrary, many women with children are often "downgraded" from a woman to a "mother", like she has become a different person without individual needs and wants.
Alexandra 1 year ago
Too true. When my son was small, his friends used to call me "name-of-son's mother".....
Load More Replies... Little Wonder 1 year ago
To paraphrase Kate McCartney: "I didn't know I was a woman before I had a child, i thought I was a hatchback"
#11
Life is life. There are good days and bad days, happy days and sad days. But I imagine there is a lot less stress in our days than there would have been if we had children. We don’t regret, don’t feel like we’re missing out, 8 years in we still don’t want kids. Life is just life.
According to Kaytee Gillis, the number of people openly discussing and choosing to be childfree has seemingly been on the rise over the recent years. “This could be attributed to greater societal acceptance of diverse life choices, increased awareness of alternative lifestyles through media and social platforms, and a growing understanding of the challenges and responsibilities of parenthood,” she said.
“In the past, young people—especially women—were unable to make this decision for fear of ridicule and even social ostracization. Today, many are able to make this decision. It may look like more people are making this decision now, but I believe many of our grandparents or those who lived earlier wanted to make this decision but were unable.”
#12
It is wonderful. I can sleep and nap when I want, I don't need to cut back on my hobbies, I can sleep and nap when I want, all of our extra money goes towards fun and savings, AND, I can sleep and nap when I want.
#13
Amazing…we have Aunty and Uncle Boot Camp where once they turn 18 they come over. We teach them all about personal finance, teach them how to run an equitable house and some relationship advice. We have College Nights where we order pizza apply for scholarships or jobs. The week between Christmas and NYE we have an open house where the kiddos can come and go. Parents usually need a break. Me and Hubby travel, save and do tons of day trips.
Ephemera Image 1 year ago
This is briliant! How nice of you to give your time and expertise to your niblings! And a great idea! They probably will take advice better from you as well.
#14
As an unwed, childless woman - I am so grateful for my choices. Posting now at 01:49 Thursday morning whilst watching whatever I chose. I spent 2 hours today w 2 friends and both of their 2 year olds and it just reaffirmed my choice. Hearing them complain about their S/Os as well… hard pass to all of that. Y’all can do it.
AisForRebel 1 year ago
The hardest thing about not having kids is finding a partner who doesn't already have three of them at my age (39)
Dirk Daring 1 year ago
In a few years, your dating pool will have a lot of Empty Nesters. Source: I'm 48.
Load More Replies... clairebear 1 year ago
You don't need a partner or kids to be happy. Big lie girls are told. A man doesn't change anything when he gets married, women are expected to change everything.
#15
Well unfortunately the big thing holding us back right now is that we can barely afford to house and feed ourselves. Everyone says "no one can REALLY afford kids" to which I say "okay but if we had kids right now we would starve and die."
So...not great.
iseefractals 1 year ago
This is the mentality that everyone should take. Having children isn't a "right" it's a privilege, and it should be predicated on actually being able to provide a decent life for said child. Baseline cost of raising a child in the U.S to the age of 17, is $320,000, almost $19,000 a year...and you won't just "figure it out" if you "jump in with both feet" because "you're never REALLY ready!" If you want children and can't afford to do so, it absolutely sucks....but becoming a parent isn't about "you" it's about the child. It's depressing how few people actually understand that.
Sky Render 1 year ago
Been there. Though it is nice that having two incomes means you're back on your feet much faster! 1 of us working is just shy of enough to survive on, so both of us working means a decent bit of extra cash.
#16
Well, my husband decided that cheating on me was a good idea. And now wants an open relationship. So… can just say I’m glad we didn’t have kids. That would be a much messier divorce.
#17
My sister is 42 and her partner is 46, neither have kids. They've retired, moved to Thailand and are enjoying life. This has inspired me to not have kids.
Ephemera Image 1 year ago
That comment speaks more about you than you realise.
Load More Replies... #18
Sometimes we get up at sunrise to go surf and eat breakfast on the beach. Sometimes we stay in bed till the last minute before work. Everyday is mainly doing what we feel like doing which creates a very happy life.
#19
Just got back from a 3 week trip to Europe. And went to Peru for thanksgiving last year.
All for about *half* of what my best friend spent on childcare last year.
Zedrapazia 1 year ago
This isn't true. I'm from Switzerland, the difference between what wealth a childfree couple has in comparison to one that has children is immense. I mean, the state won't pay for the food your child gets, the clothes, hobbies and clubs, gifts, school materials, the doctor (insurance doesn't cover everything), dentists and glasses, holiday and sometimes also therapy. Daycares are also not free here.
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#20
I honestly feel guilty sometimes about how great our life is. Because I know it’s better than anyone else I’ve met. Then again, we both worked our asses off to cultivate this life together. Been married 23 years, met online (mIRC) as teenagers back in 1999. Connected on art, video games, politics, music, introversion, and the strong desire to never have children or pets. All these years later, it’s amazing. We both quit our jobs in 2009 to focus on our own businesses. Mine did well enough for her to “retire” in 2016. In reality, she helps me with taxes, paperwork, maintaining the house, among many other things, keeping me sane. We live in a beautiful house, in a quiet, wooded neighborhood. We recently fell head over heels in love with pinball together and have spent a ridiculous amount of time and money on our collection/hobby. We’re both introverts/homebodies. Unlike a lot of people here, we kinda hate traveling. So we spend our time building up our wonderful nest at home together, with tons of room for high end gaming rigs, workout areas, massive bedroom, all kinds of ridiculous smart home s**t, like voice activated curtains and bidets, 2 kitchens, and we just had a conversation if it’s too decadent to get a 2nd mini fridge for our condiment collection. We have loud parties for just the two of us at least once a week, screaming our heads off, singing karaoke, being idiots. That’s the joy of being able to spend time with your partner, instead of time and money on something neither of you want. We are closer and more in love than we were as teenagers, dating long distances, across borders, and not seeing each other for months at a time. I’m sure some people absolutely love being parents, and tell you how much you’ll regret it later in life if you don’t. Yeah, not us. Not a single minute has gone by in our 25 year relationship where we even slightly considered, or regretted having kids or pets. She just leaned over in bed (sleeping in on a work day cause we work from home) and asked what I was reading. I said, it’s a thread asking “Married couples that decided NO on kids, what’s your life like?” She laughed very heartily and said “Awesome”. She also had an interested observation on the question posed here: *“Deciding NO on kids doesn’t make sense. You don’t decide NOT to have kids. You decide TO have kids. It’s a telling skew on the question, reflective of an inherent bias in society, and indicative of the mindless lack of intentionality when it comes to the responsibility of dedicating 20+ years to bringing a new life into this world.”* I agree. Smart woman. Glad I don’t have any noisy a*s kids or dogs to distract me from listening to her.
winterwidow87 1 year ago
She's very smart indeed. Having kids should be a conscious choice, not a mindless act you do just because everyone does it.
agermanhome 1 year ago
Looking at nature, including the nature of our human body, she is wrong. Having children is (for almost everyone) the natural and automatic consequence of having sex. Not having them requires the active decision to use contraception. - Doesn´t mean that people who have children did not make a conscious choice. There are people who are intentional or careless about this matter on both sides.
#22
I can't have kids. Some people just can't. But I love kids, and try to stay active in my niece and nephews lives. I teach kids during volunteer stuff. And I love tweens and teens especially they're loads of fun and curious and learning all the time.
Life is easier without kids. I do things differently than my sister's do for sure. But I also think people who avoid kids entirely are missing out. There are lots of kids who could use a caring adult in their lives. I can't imagine my life without Any kids involved. I just didn't birth them myself. But I still love them and care about them.
Zedrapazia 1 year ago
That's an individual choice. I'll happily keep avoiding children because the loud noises babies and toddlers make terrify me like chalk on a blackboard, and I don't enjoy being around older kids either. Not even when I was one myself. I'm better off being far away from them, not missing out on anything
featherytoad 1 year ago
Yeah, I have to mute the tv if there is a baby crying or toddlers screaming if it goes on for too long.
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DeathBeforeDecaff 1 year ago
In a similar place as much as the situation is less a choice, and more of the way things are. As a man, I'm in constant fear of accusations or misjudgements. It upsets me that I have to second guess myself if sending any of the nieces/nephews messages or being alone with them. A couple of months back (might be longer, you know time is odd since the 'before times') I saw a toddler on their own and crying near some shops. My instinct was to go and see they were ok, help and comfort them. But I froze, all I could do was keep an eye from a way off, the 2 mins until the obvious parent/carer appeared, felt like days. The point is, despite the will to be involved with young people as this OP says, the practicalities of it and fear of doing something wrong, stops alot of us. My wife can rough house with the nieces/nephews without thought, but i have to stay reserved. It makes me sad to be this way. I've seen 2 people's lives ruined because of false accusations :(
Moo 1 year ago
I don't agree. I want the best for kids, and I'll advocate heavily for any child that needs it, but I don't want to be around them. It's sensory overload, they're loud and germy. And I want kids to be kids, I want them to be loud, and able to explore. Please just don't do it around me...
keyboardtek 1 year ago
The advantage is that you can give the kids back to their parents when they become needy, disruptive, misbehaving monsters. And it seems that more and more children are born with major learning disorders. Having one is a c**p shoot. You have low odds they will be healthy and normal. That being said, helping your own child through difficult life problems brings one closer to them.
#23
My wife (48f) and I (53m) absolutely love it. All of our siblings have kids and they all are their own version of miserable and broke. We haven’t regretted our decision for a second.
#24
I'd say life is pretty f*****g good. I'm retiring in 5-8 years, which is almost 2 decades ahead of most of my peers.
#25
The overwhelming positivity seems really dishonest or maybe this just happened to draw in a lot of highly privileged upper class folks?
I am in my mid-30s and realistically will probably never have kids because it takes all of my energy just to live and function in the U.S. It never felt like a choice, it feels like survival. And with my genetics, I could end up raising a child with significant needs that I am not equipped to meet because I need a lot of support myself. My parents needed support too and didn’t get it, which made growing up being raised by them awful.
It feels like everyone in my life is struggling regardless of whether they have kids or not. What is important to me is family, biological and chosen, and being there for each other. The thought of family dwindling down to nothing and the fracturing of families and communities is terrifying. We need each other.
winterwidow87 1 year ago
I am sorry for your struggles. Sometimes not having kids is a free choice (that's where the positivity of the other posts comes from), and sometimes it's an obligated one like in this case, which can feel frustrating.
keyboardtek 1 year ago
Wow you just made a strong argument for not having children unless one is already rich.
clairebear 1 year ago
I am also working class (British) the reason I didn't stay working class is I didn't have kids. It is a brutal choice and I am lucky I never wanted any. We are about to have a general election in UK and I am hoping we vote a new Prime Minster in. I am horribly afraid that America might do something stupid and vote for Trump again. He is no friend of the poor.
Moo 1 year ago
I feel bad for this person, but a lot of people see their choice of not having kids as a form of freedom, as society tells people they should, so they feel joyously happy when life /does/ work out for them, and enjoy sharing it. It's not dishonest to be happy. Perhaps they are privileged, but it doesn't make them dishonest
#26
DINKWP here. Its JOYUS! Have the pets. They are spoiled rotten and eat like royality. We dont travel much but we go on lots of dates and cook fabulous meals at home. We love to experiment with new recipes and dont have to worry about “if the kids will eat it”.
agermanhome 1 year ago
Most parents I know cook whatever they like. In my case, if the kids don´t want it (which very rarely happens), they can take an apple and wait for the next meal.
#27
It’s wonderful. We travel whenever we want, we have time to spend together and time spent doing other things that interest each other. Money is easier. We rarely argue. We don’t resent each other as I see in so many of my friends marriages. We are well rested and enjoy our lives. Chef recommends.
#28
Just back from a trip to Europe last month. We’re having our bathroom remodeled now that we’re home. We’re both contributing the max to retirement accounts, easy peasy. We literally never fight about money or chores.
At the moment, the dog and cat are sleeping on the sofa next to us while my wife studies for a local community college course she’s taking for fun and I watch cooking YouTube.
agermanhome 1 year ago
To be fair, if I had been to somewhere in the USA I would probably say "I went to the USA", not "I went to Indiana". Not because I didn´t care what the name of the place actually was but because I would assume that the person listening would not want to know it in detail. It´s just giving a general idea instead of specifics.
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#29
Well I just picked up my husbands wet towel off the bed, yet again, so I still feel like I have a child sometimes despite not giving birth to any.
Little Wonder 1 year ago
Yep, I'm caring for my elderly parents so my life is a lot more Parenty than expected.
whome? 1 year ago
Same. And deciding to not become a parent, only to have it thrust upon you sucks. At least with kids it's a decision, and one day they'll grow up - with sick parents it's like being in a horror movie that just gets worse
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Ephemera Image 1 year ago
You definitely have a toddler. That's an egregious act done deliberately. Time to become child-free.
#30
…About to install gorgeous off-white wool carpet in the bedrooms without a care in the world. Also flying across the world next week on three days notice for work/fun. That pretty much sums it up!
Zedrapazia 1 year ago
I don't have a kid, but my beloved cats would have a big puke on this within less than a week
#31
Right now? Pretty sad. I really don't want anything in this life but to have kids and take care of my family and my home. But we can't afford it. I don't think I will ever not be sad about it.
#32
Peaceful. We watch what we want when we want, eat what we want when we want, sleep when we want, don't have to worry about getting back home at a certain time or making sure the other isn't too wore out cuz the only other to care about is an adult responsible for their self. We can speak/say what we want when we want, and also have sex where we want when we want in our own apartment. on sick days I only have to take care of myself, I don't have anyone else to clean up after or teach to take care of themselves, I get to eat all the candy and ice cream I buy I don't have to sneak my treats that I don't want to share. I don't have to hide in the bathroom or a pantry when I just need some time to myself I simply tell my husband I would like some alone time and he leaves me alone. I have time to focus on my hobbies such as reading and writing and hiking. It's the been the best part of my life so far I'm glad I stuck around.
#33
We still have our struggles with money, work, and so forth. It's not the care-free, rich utopia some child-free folks claim to live in. But I can't imagine it would be easier if we had to support kids on top of it. Neither of us can cut back on our jobs to parent or magically grow more money to afford kids. Overall I'm happy with our lives but I do wonder sometimes what it would be like if we had kids. I'm sure they would be nice people.
But I also don't see what other options we realistically had. We both worked in the arts, and couldn't slow down our careers to dedicate the time required to it and also pay our bills. I think we have more comfort in our lives and more opportunities than we would have had otherwise. But there's also no way to see what things would have been like on a different timeline. Either way it's important to be grateful for the good things you have. Life is hard, either way. Adding kids seems to make it much harder, and so we didn't. That's not to say it isn't worth it for people who did, that's just how our path worked out.
Brian Droste 1 year ago
I am single and retired and just seem to get by from month to month. That seems like it had been my whole life. I just wonder how my life and finances would have turned out if I would have kids.
#34
Glorious.
Less to argue about. We literally pick up and travel whenever. We have most of our retirement in order, we sleep well, and we can each do our own thing without having to run many things by one another. We are really annoyed by kids so we’re extremely happy.
#35
The only downside is that since people know me as the one with lots of disposable income, I became an emergency ATM.
Bob Brooce 1 year ago
That's the problem with not having kids. You don't get as much practice at saying "No!"
winterwidow87 1 year ago
This and the "can you get the extra shift at work/pick up the holiday shift? We know you don't have kids". Yeah i don't but i still do have a life outside of work, you know.
#36
In the past 4 years we’ve lived in Tokyo, Vilnius, and I’m writing this from Barcelona where we are looking at apartments. Another DINK couple is moving in with us so we can afford a penthouse with a view. My partner is making a video game and I am pursuing my pilot license in between blacksmithing and stone carving. We’re active in the bdsm community. Life is…fun, if pressed to use a single adjective.
#37
My biggest fear about this is that at old age, if I’ve no kids and the rest of my family is distant or passed away, my whole identity would practically be attached to my spouse. When my spouse dies, I’ll have no one left close to me. Scary stuff.
Noyfb noyfb 1 year ago
With no partner or family, you would still have yourself and be free to examine and cultivate that self and the wide world around you. Have you never learned what solitude is good for?
clairebear 1 year ago
Your kids are not guaranteed to be in your life you know. They could be living on the other side of the world and you will still be alone in old age. Except you will also be poorer.
Brian Droste 1 year ago
As you get older you have less energy to do stuff or feel like doing other things. Plus as you age your body breaks down and eventually if you have no family around you could end up in a assistance living place or a nursing home. I am speaking from experience. I am 64 and retired and I just don't see to have that much energy anymore.
#38
Great! We can do whatever we want, whenever we want, more or less. We’re thrilled with our choices. We don’t have the tensions that we see in our friends / families with young kids, but we get to enjoy the benefits of rich lives as aunts/uncles. We also don’t fight, which seems rare, but rarer still in exhausted parents. Not to say we don’t discuss/debate/argue, but it’s not heightened and we communicate without the cloud of emotion that exhaustion can bring. We do, however, get sick every f*****g time they bring their snotty kids to events. 🙄.
Nikki Gross 1 year ago
Dragging your sick snot nose kids to events when they should be left at home is absolute B.S. I'm sorry but I don't want to get sick because you decided to drag Typhoid Timmy or Janie to an event they had no business being at in the first damn place. I've seen parents drag their crotch goblin to company events that are coughing, sneezing, running fevers, etc. because they couldn't find someone stupid enough to watch them. Before anyone accuses me of hating kids, I have 25 nieces and nephews and over a dozen great nieces and nephews so I've been around kids my whole life and helped raise 4 due to an injured parent. Just because I didn't give birth to them doesn't mean I'm an idiot with zero experience.
agermanhome 1 year ago
Not having children yourself does not entitle you to demand that people who have children keep them out of your sight. It was YOUR decision, not theirs. You have your child-free zone at your home.
René Sauer 1 year ago
the way I read it they never demanded anything like that. They just made the observation that they always get sick when children are present.
Load More Replies...
#39
Well, we just spent our day on the couch cuddling the cat and playing Baldur's Gate so.. Pretty f*****g great tbh.
#40
We are in our late 30s, married 11 years. We have very little stress compared to others our age who did have kids. I took 3 years off work for health reasons, and I could never have done that with kids. It's a quiet life, and we do what we want when we want. One of the big perks is that when I get sick, I can focus on getting better instead of tending to a demanding mini-me.
#41
I’m getting married next week, me and my partner have been back and forth for a while and we’ve come to the realization that we probably don’t want kids. This world kinda sucks to bring new life in to, they’re expensive and we really like our lives now.
#42
We wake up around roughly the same time every day, snuggle lazing in the sun until we feel like getting up to shower. Quiet mornings with the dogs, making breakfast and coffee. Small talk about what the day will be like followed by work. End of the day, I come home to a house exactly how I left it. I get welcomed by my dogs and husband. We kiss and dance in the kitchen and make dinner however we want then go rock climbing at the gym for a couple of hours with our friends. We're both around 30 so it's a well established life. Weekends we rope climb and paddle board while going to community markets in the morning in no rush. Sometimes we take impromptu trips to go camping out of state. The bank account slowly grows in this economy for sure but we make do. Everything is peaceful and adventurous and amazing while we spend our lives with one other, our families, and friends. Zero regrets.
#43
Honestly, it’s great. My husband and I both discussed early on in the relationship that we didn’t want kids, and we haven’t changed our minds. This may be a weird analogy, but you know those dreams you have where you realize you haven’t been going to a class all semester, and then you wake up and have an overwhelming feeling of relief? That’s kind of what it feels like lol. I know myself pretty well, and there are things that I’m just not willing to give up for a child. People may think it’s selfish, but I would rather not have kids than 1) give up doing the things I love and 2) potentially being a s****y parent because I’m unhappy. I also don’t think you should find happiness in your kids and don’t believe that “once you have a kid you’ll realize the other things aren’t that important after all,” though on the other end I don’t think that just because you have kids you can’t have it all. Plenty of people manage to juggle both, I’m just not willing to take that risk. It’s unavoidable that your life and priorities change when you have a child, or it should be anyway, and I like my life the way it is and don’t want to take time away from my passions onto something else that needs 24/7 attention.
#44
Haven't chosen yet but kicked the can down the road long enough that at some point we need to actually make a decision. I dunno, there's lots I want to do, I like my freedom and lack of responsibilities. I like not stressing about money. Would like to take a year off and go backpacking one last time without being one of those weird oldie burnouts still doing it. But I'm kinda bored. I struggle to give a s**t about anything, at least the things I have control over. Like what's the point in working any harder or pushing myself? I get no satisfaction from having more in my bank account or a fancy title or what have you. My spare time is spent doing mundane stuff like watching tv, hiking or just rotating through hobbies. The older I get, the shallower the world looks. I see people who like to brag about not having kids like it's so amazing, but the things they brag about are like meh? Oh cool you can play some video games in the evening. Quiet? Quiet to me is boredom From a purely selfish point of view I wouldn't mind a child to give me some structure and purpose. Give me a reason to get up in the morning and go home at night. A reason to stay on the straight and narrow, to stay put and commit to things. Close a few doors, provide boundaries and relieve me of some decision fatigue. If I had a child I would gain so much clarity. Plus I have a lot of love to give, I'd like to watch them grow up, teach them the things I know. Like my brother has 2 kids and he's a different man. He said it's given him so much self-confidence because he knows he's a good father (we're well practiced having lots of younger siblings). He's so much kinder and more charismatic and clearly happier. But on the other hand it's comforting to know nothing matters. If I get sick of anything in my life I can just walk away. Swings and roundabouts.
FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago
Dogs are great for providing a bit of structure. But if you need some of the human variety, volunteer. Three are plenty of kids that need support. Be a great uncle. But don't have kids because you think it will make you better, that's the ultimate d**k move.
clairebear 1 year ago
You are depressed mate. It also sounds as if you have romanticised having children. You only see the good parts of your brother's family, you don't live with them and see the rest of the c**p. And you might be a s**t dad, have you thought about that? You seem to want kids to satisfy your needs, they won't. They are ruthlessly selfish little people and your needs and wants will be irrelevant. Raising kids is way, way harder than you think. Get a dog and see if that changes anything, and therapy for the depression. Do not, for god's sake, have kids until you have sorted your mind out.
#45
Many days it’s great. Some days it’s very lonely.
Without a lot of responsibilities it’s fairly easy to just wing most things.
#46
I'm at a Third Eye Blind concert at Red Rocks tonight, life is good.
Rodney McKay 1 year ago
As decidedly childfree as I am, I would have a kid or three to avoid your fate.
#47
Not kid free, but all of mine are adults now. It's glorious! We have money! We don't have to save up for renovations, weekend getaways, toys, etc. We bought a hottub and have constantly been renovating since our youngest graduated in 2021. I don't regret having my boys, but I do think about where we'd be financially if we'd been kid free. I mean, we're very comfortable now, a mere three years into being empty nesters. I didn't realize just how much we spent on them until we weren't handing out lunch money, school fees, sports fees, and buying school supplies, clothes, and groceries! It was a LOT.
Sandra Morison 1 year ago
Yes this is me now....you can do both. I work hard, play hard spend my money on what I want, but also make time for volunteering. I kinda of feel like I have had best of worlds
#48
If I had had kids I know I would’ve still been happy but (big BUT) I am soooo content with my child free life. Gigs on the weekends, working in my art studio, lay ins, spontaneous trips.
#50
Quiet. Clean house. I can do whatever I want on a given day with no obligations. Building on the above: I have so much time to develop my hobbies: fitness, reading, woodworking, baking, gilding, other random projects. So much disposable income. We don't have that much laundry to do. Going out somewhere is not a big event. (This can mean anything from "going to the grocery store" to "hey let's drive to another part of the country and spend the night".) Overall I like that my life is about me (and my partner) and I don't suddenly have to put another person in the #1 spot. As in: I don't have to sacrifice mental or physical health to care for another being. I'm sure most parents find balance eventually, or even like putting someone else first... But I like putting me first. I like my life and my hobbies and don't have an urge to change any of that.
#51
We spend way to much time on work, go out to eat, do fun outings with friends, and occasionally wonder if we are making a terrible mistake. We took a very long time to get financially stable. Then bought a house, then I lost my job, so we are still in pretty much the same place we were 10 years ago.
#52
My wife and I constantly have people guess that we're much younger than we are. Less stress and more.time to take care of yourself will do that. In terms of our lives in particular. They're very full. Lots of time with friends and family and we both have. A lot of hobbies that keep us busy.
#54
Great. We go where we want, when we want, cook whatever we want. Have tons of free time and can travel anywhere in the world. We save a lot of money on childcare bills.
#55
It's incredible, honestly. We both make good money, we're in a soccer league together, I'm a musician and play in three different ensembles, we travel, have two cats, play video games together...yeah, wouldn't give any of it up for kids.
#56
I’m not saying this applies to anyone else necessarily, but for me personally, my life was exactly as all of the positive comments on here when my wife and I thought we didn't want kids. Then at 39 we decided to do it anyway and now that I have one I don’t miss any of that other stuff at all even when it’s hard. In fact, none of those previously invaluable perks seem the least bit important anymore. I wouldn’t give up one moment with my son for all the random travel or home remodeling in the world. This is coming from someone with no experience with kids and zero natural parental inclination. .
What do you think ?
Mia Black 1 year ago
As a ten-year-old, I already told my class that I didn't want any children and if I did, I wanted to adopt because too many of them didn't have good homes. Today, I hardly have any time, energy or money for myself and I feel constantly stressed. Even if I wanted children, this wouldn't be the right environment. I am also a person full of worries, fears and a guilty conscience for things that I can't do anything about - so I absolutely couldn't bear to bring a being into the world, the world that is being destroyed ever faster by us humans. That is not a future that I would want to burden anyone with. I can only bear it myself with lots of distractions. I feel sorry for all the young generations and those that follow. I had trees planted for my nieces but I fear I won't be able to do much more for their future (and vote well in the hope that politicians do something useful and good)
Sky Render 1 year ago (edited)
My wife and I have opted to never have kids (easy enough, one of us is absolutely sterile and the other probably shouldn't be trying childbirth; also lesbians) and never adopt either. The income situation is nice (both of us working means we can actually live pretty comfortably), we can engage in our collection hobbies without fear of anything happening to them due to a curious child messing with them, and it's very easy to plan get-togethers with our friends or spur-of-the-moment day trips on our mutual off day. It's nice.
Sarah Forrest 1 year ago
1. I just don't get kids, I have very low tolerance for kid when they act out. I've seen people struggle to mange their kids. 2. After a long day with the type of work I do, I need some alone time, not talking to anyone. I can't imagine having to stay on when I get home from work. 3. I'm scared of getting pregnant and giving birth. Overall, your body changes, having to shove a baby out or cut your stomach open. Something growing inside you. I get very distracted by the idea. 4. I do not want the financial burden of a child, I'm still living at my parents. 5. Overall, kids are cute sometimes and can be fun. But when I watch the kid act out and parents fight them just reminds me why
Weasel Wise 1 year ago (edited)
It's not a comparison, it's people who chose to not breed sharing the joys in their lives that came as a result of that decision. All day, every day, parents share their joys of being parents, how they love spending their time with them, etc etc etc. and I think the vast majority of people are happy that those moms and dads are so happy with their families. It's the same sorta situation but, this time, it's the minority sharing their joys of their decisions; why is it a comparison, seemingly an insult to you, that other people have found happiness doing something most people don't do? Why not just be happy that people are happy?
Load More Replies... Amelia Jade 1 year ago
I'm gonna start off by saying I don't think anyone should be pressured to have kids. And I'm not trying to change anyone's mind. Have them if you want, don't have them if you don't want them. I don't care either way. But this idea that parents don't have the ability to travel, or pursue hobbies is just ridiculous. We've traveled to several countries, have lived in a few, and have been all over the US. We're avid hikers and love road tripping. The kids never slowed us down one bit. We also paid off our home, and are debt free. We can travel, we do okay on money, sleep is not an issue if you know what you're doing (and don't have a colicky baby--which I'm grateful I did not), and I never have, and never will want a white interior. People have this idea that if you have kids you're giving up everything. And this simply isn't true. Maybe for some people. It wasn't for us. We just folded them into our existing lives and kept moving forward.
Amelia Jade 1 year ago
Having said that--being a parent does bring a whole lot of worry that wouldn't exist otherwise. I worry about my kids on a near constant basis and that can be exhausting. And it doesn't stop. You worry when they're infants, and then you graduate to a new set of worries when they're toddlers, and then a new set when they're school age, and then teens. My youngest is 17 so I have two adult children--still worry. I wouldn't change my life for anything, but I do sometimes wonder what it is like to not have that constant worry.
Load More Replies... Pandroid Rebellion 1 year ago
I'm a little different. My mom went blind. I have very specific issues that would require bed rest and extensive care to attempt to bring a fetus to term. So I had to choose between putting her in a facility or having children. I chose my mom. I do not regret it and get REALLY mad when people say that not having children is "selfish." She was here first and I was not about to act like she became disposable because she needs care. Honestly, most of my friends envy ME because my mom is super sweet and funny. She was a nurse for 50 years. She deserved societal loyalty. So I gave it to her. The kids of today and the systems for caring for them seem awful. I am overjoyed I did not participate. But I wish my mom could see. I will be 50 in 10 days. I look 40.
Jack Burton 1 year ago
I have two daughters and i love them with all my heart. But i would never judge anyone telling me they don't want kids. That's the most life changing experience i have ever had. Everything changes and for many many years.
Piglet 1 year ago
The opening text mentions 'child-free' 4 times, yet BP chooses to use 'childless' in the title. *sigh*
Weasel Wise 1 year ago
Synonyms. Let's not get our feelings hurt over a synonym.
Load More Replies...
Banana Power 1 year ago
I've never wanted kids. "Maybe you'll change your mind when you get older?" I'm only 18, and still definitely a hard nope. I don't want to responsibilities and hardships and stress of having kids. I don't want my sole purpose for existing just to be to make children and care for them. I want to live my own life as I want and explore all the possibilities without being held back. And if I wanted kids for some reason, I would adopt. Kids shouldn't be abandoned because some people are too careless to deal with a mistake they made. Plus pregnancy sounds like hell.
Iga Błażejewska 1 year ago
Being child-free became so normal nowadays. I'm 27 and NONE of my friends have or plan on having kids. I don't have any yet, but if feels kind of sad that it became so common and that the post includes not a single opposite voice.
Mia Black 1 year ago
As a ten-year-old, I already told my class that I didn't want any children and if I did, I wanted to adopt because too many of them didn't have good homes. Today, I hardly have any time, energy or money for myself and I feel constantly stressed. Even if I wanted children, this wouldn't be the right environment. I am also a person full of worries, fears and a guilty conscience for things that I can't do anything about - so I absolutely couldn't bear to bring a being into the world, the world that is being destroyed ever faster by us humans. That is not a future that I would want to burden anyone with. I can only bear it myself with lots of distractions. I feel sorry for all the young generations and those that follow. I had trees planted for my nieces but I fear I won't be able to do much more for their future (and vote well in the hope that politicians do something useful and good)
Sky Render 1 year ago (edited)
My wife and I have opted to never have kids (easy enough, one of us is absolutely sterile and the other probably shouldn't be trying childbirth; also lesbians) and never adopt either. The income situation is nice (both of us working means we can actually live pretty comfortably), we can engage in our collection hobbies without fear of anything happening to them due to a curious child messing with them, and it's very easy to plan get-togethers with our friends or spur-of-the-moment day trips on our mutual off day. It's nice.
Sarah Forrest 1 year ago
1. I just don't get kids, I have very low tolerance for kid when they act out. I've seen people struggle to mange their kids. 2. After a long day with the type of work I do, I need some alone time, not talking to anyone. I can't imagine having to stay on when I get home from work. 3. I'm scared of getting pregnant and giving birth. Overall, your body changes, having to shove a baby out or cut your stomach open. Something growing inside you. I get very distracted by the idea. 4. I do not want the financial burden of a child, I'm still living at my parents. 5. Overall, kids are cute sometimes and can be fun. But when I watch the kid act out and parents fight them just reminds me why
Weasel Wise 1 year ago (edited)
It's not a comparison, it's people who chose to not breed sharing the joys in their lives that came as a result of that decision. All day, every day, parents share their joys of being parents, how they love spending their time with them, etc etc etc. and I think the vast majority of people are happy that those moms and dads are so happy with their families. It's the same sorta situation but, this time, it's the minority sharing their joys of their decisions; why is it a comparison, seemingly an insult to you, that other people have found happiness doing something most people don't do? Why not just be happy that people are happy?
Load More Replies... Amelia Jade 1 year ago
I'm gonna start off by saying I don't think anyone should be pressured to have kids. And I'm not trying to change anyone's mind. Have them if you want, don't have them if you don't want them. I don't care either way. But this idea that parents don't have the ability to travel, or pursue hobbies is just ridiculous. We've traveled to several countries, have lived in a few, and have been all over the US. We're avid hikers and love road tripping. The kids never slowed us down one bit. We also paid off our home, and are debt free. We can travel, we do okay on money, sleep is not an issue if you know what you're doing (and don't have a colicky baby--which I'm grateful I did not), and I never have, and never will want a white interior. People have this idea that if you have kids you're giving up everything. And this simply isn't true. Maybe for some people. It wasn't for us. We just folded them into our existing lives and kept moving forward.
Amelia Jade 1 year ago
Having said that--being a parent does bring a whole lot of worry that wouldn't exist otherwise. I worry about my kids on a near constant basis and that can be exhausting. And it doesn't stop. You worry when they're infants, and then you graduate to a new set of worries when they're toddlers, and then a new set when they're school age, and then teens. My youngest is 17 so I have two adult children--still worry. I wouldn't change my life for anything, but I do sometimes wonder what it is like to not have that constant worry.
Load More Replies... Pandroid Rebellion 1 year ago
I'm a little different. My mom went blind. I have very specific issues that would require bed rest and extensive care to attempt to bring a fetus to term. So I had to choose between putting her in a facility or having children. I chose my mom. I do not regret it and get REALLY mad when people say that not having children is "selfish." She was here first and I was not about to act like she became disposable because she needs care. Honestly, most of my friends envy ME because my mom is super sweet and funny. She was a nurse for 50 years. She deserved societal loyalty. So I gave it to her. The kids of today and the systems for caring for them seem awful. I am overjoyed I did not participate. But I wish my mom could see. I will be 50 in 10 days. I look 40.
Jack Burton 1 year ago
I have two daughters and i love them with all my heart. But i would never judge anyone telling me they don't want kids. That's the most life changing experience i have ever had. Everything changes and for many many years.
Piglet 1 year ago
The opening text mentions 'child-free' 4 times, yet BP chooses to use 'childless' in the title. *sigh*
Weasel Wise 1 year ago
Synonyms. Let's not get our feelings hurt over a synonym.
Load More Replies... Banana Power 1 year ago
I've never wanted kids. "Maybe you'll change your mind when you get older?" I'm only 18, and still definitely a hard nope. I don't want to responsibilities and hardships and stress of having kids. I don't want my sole purpose for existing just to be to make children and care for them. I want to live my own life as I want and explore all the possibilities without being held back. And if I wanted kids for some reason, I would adopt. Kids shouldn't be abandoned because some people are too careless to deal with a mistake they made. Plus pregnancy sounds like hell.
Iga Błażejewska 1 year ago
Being child-free became so normal nowadays. I'm 27 and NONE of my friends have or plan on having kids. I don't have any yet, but if feels kind of sad that it became so common and that the post includes not a single opposite voice.
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