If once artists were a group of people shrouded in mystery on their summit of wit, exclusiveness, and importance, then as of recently, the tables have drastically turned. Now, it’s the chic IT guys and gals that have taken the position of mystique, and not without reason. See, our lives are undeniably turning tech, and, first of all, we need someone to make it all techy. Secondly - without the IT professionals to explain stuff, the codes and such are just a bunch of meaningless numbers taking us nowhere, leaving us stumped. Yet, as discussed a couple of times before, those in the unknown tend to make fun of the things they do not comprehend, to make them look less ethereal and more earthly. Exactly because of that, there are plenty of IT jokes trying to explain the purpose and the magic of IT to those dimwitted on the subject while making the professionals look down on us with a sparkle of amusement in their glimmering wise eyes.
Sure, as with anything that’s made out of cogs and gears, even if imaginable, IT things are bound to break, and it is even folklore of a kind mentioning crashing websites, apps, and the disasters that are printer machines. Yes, we’re adding printers to our IT category since someone still had to program them. Of course, the bigger the failure, the more funny IT jokes you can milk out of the situation. So, there you have it; everything in life can be funny, it’s only a matter of an unexpected failure, a misunderstanding, or a case of complete ignorance.
Without ruminating on our thoughts about the importance of technology and where the roots of fun are, let’s just scroll down below to the best jokes we could find, shall we? Once you’re finished reading them, give them an evaluation on a decimal scale and share these silly jokes with your friends and your foes.
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We just got a fax. At work. We didn't know we had a fax machine. The entire department just stared at it. I poked it with a stick.
If someone from the 1950s suddenly appeared, what would be the most difficult thing to explain about life today?
One answer: “I possess a device in my pocket that is capable of accessing the entirety of information known to man. I use it to look at pictures of cats and get into arguments with strangers.”
What is the biggest lie in the entire universe?
"I have read and agree to the Terms & Conditions."
In my job i have to send out information to students that's not exactly technical, but makes you pay attention to get it properly. It's super obvious that most students glance at it and move on, and i blame all the T&Cs that we all ignore for it. Sometimes you actually have to read all the words or bad things will happen, folks.
I was setting a voice recognition password for my new phone and a nearby dog barked and ran away. Now I am still looking for the dog to unlock my phone.
I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says, “The Titanic is syncing.”
"Yesterday I decided to change my WiFi name to "Hack me if you can" and when I woke up this morning I saw the name changed to "Challenge accepted" somebody help."
Where's the best place to hide a body?
Page two of Google Search.
Password looks at itself in the mirror:
"Don't listen to Google. You are a strong, confident password."
And then you see those one time auto generated passwords with 30 assorted symbols, letters, and numbers, and realize that for all your strength and confidence, you cannot win against such power.
Set your wifi password to 2444666668888888. So when someone asks for it, tell them it's 12345678.
"Happy 3 week anniversary to the 26 browser tabs I have open."
Only three weeks? I believe I have at least five that are a year old. 30 tabs right now
"I’ve given up social media for the New Year and am trying to make friends outside Facebook while applying the same principles. Every day, I walk down the street and tell passersby what I’ve eaten, how I feel, what I did the night before, and what I will do tomorrow. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and me gardening. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them. And it works. I already have three people following me—two police officers and a psychiatrist."
More people need to remember that anything known by more than one person is NOT a secret.
I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they’re going to be talking.
"I tried to explain to a client why I couldn’t help him with a project that was written in a program code that I didn’t know. “Let’s say you’re asking me to write something in a specific language. Now, I’m fluent in English and Spanish, but your project is in Chinese. Since I don’t understand Chinese, I’m not your best option. You need someone who is fluent in this specific language. See?” He said he did and thanked me. The next morning, I got a call from another developer asking, “Why is your client asking us if we’re fluent in Chinese?”
Whoever said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results has obviously never had to reboot a computer.
It’s been attributed to all sorts of people: Benjamin Franklin, Mark Twain, Confucius, an old Chinese proverb, and most famously Albert Einstein, but there is little to no proof that any of them ever said such a thing.
Why are iPhone chargers not called Apple Juice?!
The cool part about naming your kid is you don’t have to add six numbers to make sure the name is available.
"My email password has been hacked. That's the third time I've had to rename the cat."
If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer... Oh wait, he does.
Would it be cruel to make someone's wallpaper a screenshot of the Blue Screen of Death?
I told the kids I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. So they unplugged my computer and threw out my wine.
The guy who invented predictive text died last night. His funfair is next monkey.
"I was in a couple’s home trying to fix their Internet connection. The husband called out to his wife in the other room for the computer password. “Start with a capital S, then 123,” she shouted back. We tried S123 several times, but it didn’t work. So we called the wife in. As she input the password, she muttered, “I really don’t know what’s so difficult about typing Start123.”
I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so I'm dressing up as a phone battery at 2%.
"A friend of ours was puzzled with the odd messages left on his answering machine. Day after day friends and family would talk and then say, "Beep." He discovered the reason for the joke when he decided to listen to his greeting. "Hi," it said. "I'm not in right now, so please leave a beep after the message."
I tried to say, "I'm a functional adult," but my phone changed it to "fictional adult," and I feel like that's more accurate.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can update your relationship status, after 3 it should default to 'unstable'.
Can I add - change your profile pic to an identical one on a daily basis, to elicit comments of you look fantastic Babe }:‑)
"I was showing my kids an old rotary phone when my nine-year-old asked, “How did you text on it?” My 15-year-old daughter roared with laughter, until a thought occurred to her: “Wait, where did you store your contacts?”
Can't see an end. I have no control and I don't think there's an escape. I don't even have a home anymore. Think it's time for a new keyboard.
"I’m at the library, and for some reason, when I plug my flash drive into the computer, it doesn’t show up. I keep trying, but nothing happens. As an IT major, I know I can figure this out. So I spend 15 minutes changing settings and inserting and removing the flash drive. Then a girl sitting next to me taps my shoulder and says, “You’re plugging into my computer, not yours.”
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because it is a hardware problem.
We'll we'll we'll... If it isn't autocorrect.
How many types of people are there in the world?
There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who do not.
CAPS LOCK – Preventing Login Since 1980.
MAKING IT SEEM LIKE YOU'RE MAD AT EVERYTHING SINCE THE FIRST ONLINE ARGUMENT OVER TOAST AND LEATHER SHOES. Seriously though, we need to learn that sometimes we can convey our anger with well placed punctuation and being particular with our wording, not by keeping caps lock on 24/7.
Any room is a panic room if you've lost your phone in it.
Person 1: Do you know how to use Outlook?
Person 2: As a matter of fact, I Excel at it.
Person 1: Was that a Microsoft Office pun?
Person 2: Word.
I'm changing my name to 'Benefits' on Facebook. Next time someone adds me, It will say "you are now friends with Benefits."
Thanks to autocorrect, 1 in 5 children will be getting a visit from Satan this Christmas.
The only people who don’t click Skip on ads before YouTube videos are people who died during that ad.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
"My husband and I are both in an Internet business, but he's the one who truly lives, eats and breathes computers. I finally realized how bad it had gotten when I was scratching his back one day. "No, not there," he directed. "Scroll down."
I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone.
"If you understand English, press 1. If you do not understand English, press 2." - Recording on an Australian tax help line.
I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".
Hell is wallpapered with all your deleted selfies.
It's ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.
20 minutes... Ever tried to watch Netflix after dinner, while lying on the couch?
Mom: How make chicken.
Daughter: What?
Mom: Where buy chicken.
Daughter: Mom, this isn’t Google.
Mom: Avocado.
I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my first child.
What made the Java developers wear glasses?
They can't C.
I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
Damn, I also forgot to install WINDOWS in case my HOME KEY got deleted.
My mom said that if I don't get off my computer and do my homework she'll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she's jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn
Maybe if we start telling people the brain is an app they will start using it.
Tech One: I heard if you put the Windows ME CD in a CD player, there's a message from Satan that will enact a curse on your household and lineage.
Tech Two: That's nothing - if you put it in a computer, it installs Windows ME.
"As we waited for a bus in the frosty weather, the woman next to me mentioned that she makes a lot of mistakes when texting in the cold. I nodded knowingly. “It’s the early signs of typothermia.”
Autocorrect can go straight to he’ll.
On the subway, untangling earbuds is the new knitting. The woman across from me could have finished a cardigan by now.
Use a bullnose clip. Open the clip and lay the earbuds end of the wire along the opening. Close the clip and gently wind the wires around it, in between the two earbuds...don't wind too tightly. Gently open the clip and insert the jack, then close it. They never come unwound or get tangled.
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
MapQuest really needs to start its directions on number five. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
"I mentioned to my sons that some teens used Facebook to plan a robbery at a local mall. “How did the NSA miss that?” my 21-year-old asked. “I told you guys,” said my 17-year-old. “No one uses Facebook anymore.”
I love the F5 key. It´s just so refreshing.
Instagram is just Twitter for people who go outside.
The closest I’ve been to a diet this year is erasing food searches from my browser history.
You know that little tip would be very helpful for the Weight Watcher people to put in their literature.
"The water I was heating for pasta refused to boil, and if my 12-year-old son was right, I wasn’t helping by constantly checking on it. “It’s like that old saying,” he said. “ A watched website never loads.’”
Can a 3-D printer make ink cartridges for a 2-D printer?
What happened to the iPod, who ate a lot?
He became an iPad.
Writing a horror screenplay. It starts off with a ringing phone. The person answers, and it's their mum saying "I have a computer question."
I bet cats have a secret website where they upload clips of cute humans trying to open DVD packaging and jump-start cars.
"Trying to explain to our five-year-old daughter how much computers had changed, my husband pointed to our brand-new personal computer and told her that when he was in college, a computer with the same amount of power would have been the size of a house.
Wide-eyed, our daughter asked, “How big was the mouse?”
I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
"My grandmother called to tell me she’d gotten an e-mail account. “Great,” I said. “Send me a message so I’ll have your e-mail address.” I waited and waited, but she never sent it. Several days later, an envelope arrived—Grandma had written her info on a piece of paper and mailed it to me."
Did you give her your email address? If not, where would she send it?
I realized my little nephew will never know life without Facebook. He’ll never know what it’s like to go, “I wonder what happened to that guy Chris from high school?” and then just shrug his shoulders and move on.
Rest assured your little nephew will never know life WITH Facebook ! That guy Chris is on another platform more suited to their generation.
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
Why was the cell phone wearing glasses?
It lost its contacts.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Don't use "beef stew" as a computer password. It's not stroganoff.
Scene: Me using the Siri app on my iPhone.
Me: Siri, call my wife.
Siri: Samantha McLaughlin is not in your contacts.
Me: Samantha Gibbs is my wife.
Siri: I’ve added Samantha Gibbs as your wife.
Me: Call my wife.
Siri: Which wife?
While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi. “It’s taped under the modem,” I told him. After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, “Am I spelling this right? T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?”
Not everyone has mastered the art of texting.
Mom: Stop at dollar store on way home and get lunch maggots.
Me: Lunch maggots?
Mom: Baffles.
Mom: Baggies.
Mom: Ziploc lunch Baggies.
Mom: Spell-check is not helping me.
Mom: By the way, this is Dad.
The guy who invented auto-correct for smart phones passed away today. Restaurant in peace.
Texting acronyms can stump even the best parents:
Mom: Your great-aunt just passed away. LOL.
Son: Why is that funny?
Mom: It’s not funny, David! What do you mean?
Son: Mom, LOL means Laughing Out Loud.
Mom: I thought it meant Lots of Love. I have to call everyone back.
I assume it's bad that I laughed as well, my apologies to the Great Aunt I just disrespected.
Why did the computer go to the dentist?
To get his Bluetooth checked.
Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.
Since my girlfriend discovered out the eyeroll and tongue sticking emojis she doesn't have to type words anymore.
I think that's just true for everybody at this point. If it has an emoji, it no longer needs a word or a letter.
Have you heard of that new band "1023 Megabytes"? They're pretty good, but they don't have a gig just yet.
I’m thinking of opening a firing range where all the targets are shaped like computers with screens full of pop-up ads.
Give a man a fish, and he’ll Instagram it; teach a man to fish, and he’ll still Instagram it.
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, he'll spend a fortune on fishing gears for the rest of his life.
Facebook and Formspring are two of the many social-networking sites that allow users to embarrass themselves in front of millions of friends and strangers, like these people did.
LARRY: Happy Valentine's Day to All, especially Wendy, Heather, Lindsey, Ellen, Valerie, Isabel, and all the other wonderful women I adore.
JENNIFER: You forgot your wife.
Why do programmers mix up festivals like Halloween with Christmas?
Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.
How did the computer save itself from drowning?
By using screensaver.
Is your name Wi-Fi? Because I'm feeling a connection.
What should you do after your Nintendo game ends in a tie?
Ask for a Wii-match!
PATIENT: Doctor, I need your help. I'm addicted to checking my Twitter!
DOCTOR: I'm so sorry, I don't follow.
You know you're texting too much when you type ppl instead of people in a letter.
Letter? What kind of archane technology is this????!!?!
I used to find buying books from Amazon slow and inconvenient, until one day the receptionist suggested I use their website.
What shoes do computers love the most?
Re-boots.
You're old enough to remember when emojis were called "hieroglyphics."
My New Years resolution is 1080p.
"I just got a GPS for my car, and my first trip with it was to a drugstore. Since the manual said not to leave it in the car unattended, I brought it with me into the store. While there, the GPS came alive, and a voice stated, "Lost satellite contact." I wasn't embarrassed until a woman turned to me and said, "Your ankle bracelet monitor is talking to you."
How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None as according to them, darkness is the new standard.
Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
They should build the wall with Hillary's emails because nobody can get over them.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account? They were Prime mates.
Mom: What do IDK, LY & TTYL mean?
Son: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later.
Mom: OK, I will ask your sister.
I finally convinced my mother that it was a good idea for her to learn to text. Her first message to me? "Whereisthespacebar?"
A solar-powered computer wristwatch, which is programmed to tell the time and date for 125 years, has a guarantee—for two years.
What would a baby computer call his father?
Da-ta!
What was Forrest Gump's email password?
"1forrest1".
I tried to escape the Apple store. I couldn't because there were no Windows.
You have to wait for the Apple to fall from it's tree, then hope it rolls out of the store.
I Googled "how to start a wildfire". I got 48,500 matches.
"I’m employed at a computer security company and have a colleague whose name is M. Alware. His e-mail address is malware@company.com.
My ex-boss’s name is R. Stone. His e-mail was stoner@company.co.in.
My name is James Pan. Every other permutation of my name was taken (e.g., jpan, jamesp), so I’m stuck with japan@university.edu."
I had a teacher named Daniel Stone. The school email was first initial, last name. Stoned@school.edu did not amuse him as much as it amused everyone else. >.>
Why were the horses struggling to use the internet?
Because they were not able to find any stable connections.
What do you call it when you have your mom's mom on speed dial?
Instagram.
Person 1: Hey Rachyl, do you remember me?
Person 2: Wrong number.
Person 1: What’s your number then?
Anyone who thinks "talk is cheap"... Obviously didn't pay my daughter's last mobile phone bill!
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
Richard Branson has announced plans to develop a new type of plane that can fly from New York to Tokyo in one hour. Apparently, the engines are powered by human screams.
Were Moses alive today, the Ten Commandments would be known as the Ten Best Practices, presented in PowerPoint and followed by 40 years of status meetings.
How did the SEO content writer couple react to twins?
For the first time, they were happy with duplicate content!
Why was the computer found cold and sneezing?
Because someone left it's Windows open.
After a lengthy course on improving computer skills, a teacher finally seemed to get the hang of it. In fact, he admitted in his self-evaluation, "computers have simplified and shortened my life."
What did the computer have during his break time?
He had a byte.
Why did the cat decide to buy a computer for herself?
Because she liked playing with the mouse.
Hackers brought down my online business but I managed to keep the website address and that's domain thing.
These two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, “So what’ll it be?” The first string says, “I think I’ll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu”.
“Please excuse my friend,” the second string says, “He isn’t null-terminated.”
Why did the man did not receive any messages on the phone?
Because it was a landline.
I think this is one of my favorites: "A QA engineer walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 99999999999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a ueicbksjdhd. First real customer walks in and asks where the bathroom is. The bar bursts into flames, killing everyone."
Another old one: 'How many Microsfot peeps does it tak to change a lightbulb?' 'None. Darkness becomes the industrial standard'
As somebody from IT I can just say, those "jokes" are old. lame and not funny :-/
To be fair though, some of them really couldn't be considered jokes.
Load More Replies... I think this is one of my favorites: "A QA engineer walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 99999999999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a ueicbksjdhd. First real customer walks in and asks where the bathroom is. The bar bursts into flames, killing everyone."
Another old one: 'How many Microsfot peeps does it tak to change a lightbulb?' 'None. Darkness becomes the industrial standard'
As somebody from IT I can just say, those "jokes" are old. lame and not funny :-/
To be fair though, some of them really couldn't be considered jokes.
Load More Replies...