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Maybe it's their tendency to abuse substances or rude behavior towards waiters, but red flags in a relationship are indicators that something needs to be questioned. However, our mind sometimes talks itself into disregarding what our intuition is picking up on.
So when Reddit user Loxomednurmusci asked everyone on the platform to share the biggest dating warning signs that many ignore way too often, people were quick to reply. Most adults are still skeptical of whether algorithms can predict love, so we can't neglect our social skills.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
“My ex just left one day out of the blue. I came home and her stuff was gone”.
Ladies if you hear this, run.
Abusers know they can’t say my ex was crazy nowadays. This is the new version of it. The woman likely had to flee for safety. Her family members likely had to protect her after fleeing. There’s a reason he couldn’t find her after she left.
LavenderHippoInAJar 1 year ago
Posting to cover up a negative comment. Have a great day everyone!
RELATED:
#3
If his friends are racist, sexist, homophobic, etc, but he claims he's not like them.... He is exactly like them, he just learned to hide it better.
#4
Insults masked as joking
“Oh that’s just his sense of humor..” No. He’s just disguising his honesty with jokes.
#5
If the other person doesn’t exhibit some level of curiosity about you. When there’s chemistry, you want to know more about the other person because you find them interesting. If you find yourself carrying the conversation, trying to learn about the other person but they show no interest in learning about you, then it’s a sure sign that there’s no compatibility. Don’t take it personally—no one can be everyone’s cup of tea and it’s better to know that from the beginning.
#7
They unsettle you. There's a nagging instinct urging you to keep your distance, even though they appear fine on the surface. An internal conflict arises. Don't dismiss this feeling as a flaw in your character or a result of past traumas. If your intuition is screaming at you to flee, heed its warning no matter how 'alright' the other person may seem. Ignoring it will only amplify the persistent unease, making it increasingly challenging to leave the person.
#8
If it bothers you now, it will surely bother you later, only way worse. Lol.
Bear Hall 1 year ago
Nobody is perfect. I ignore little things bothering me all the time when I interact anybody. How else can we exist together but this way? If I want her as a partner it's a must to glass over her sloppiness or questionable taste of music because she's much more than these things.
#9
Love bombing! Learn to identify it and then DON’T ignore it. It’s not love - it’s a con.
Deb Johnston 1 year ago
Very short lived relationship that I was love bombed. I was a recently divorced single mom. I'm glad I wised up. The guy was a true narcissist. He's still in our friend group. He's had 3 marriages, and I have lost count on the engagements.
#10
Not being polite to service workers.
Hannah Taylor 1 year ago
That tells me about everything I need to know about the other person--date, friend, family, boss. If that's how they behave towards service workers, what am I worth, eh? I USED to be a service worker, and dealt with two-legged jackasses on a regular basis. With very few exceptions, I wouldn't wish that fate on anyone.
#11
When they can't attribute their own fault or shortcoming to a single problem they face in life. Today, it's their parents or boss. Tomorrow it will be you.
#12
He hadn't actually told his ex they were broken up, just that they needed to "take a break." I should have taken a break too at that point.
#13
If you are not on the same page with money, this leads to a lot of problems should the relationship get serious
#14
When people ignore the fact the other person dont put in effort.
It always buffles me how many people jumping through hoops while getting nothing in return...
#15
Person already being in a relationship
Like, you think this person that’s cheating on their partner will suddenly turn into a person that you can trust is some funny s**t.
Pittsburgh rare 1 year ago
If you knowingly date someone in a relationship and, SURPRISINGLY, they later cheat on you, cry me a river.
#16
"All of my exes are b****** or aholes." What's the common denominator here? *you*.
#18
Little care when in the wrong, never showing any accountability for basically anything.
Hannah Taylor 1 year ago
I spent five miserable years with someone just like that. One junior college class of Psychology 101, and he was Sigmund Freud. Nothing was ever his fault: the fender bender (not watching the road), losing his job (slacking off), going into debt (used credit cards like they were going to be outlawed at midnight). If I had only known early on, I would have avoided him like what you find in a stockyard.
#19
Being TOO close to their mom.
Red PANda (she/they) 1 year ago
Having a good relationship with their mom is good, but like if they rely on their mom too much/their mom is like possesive or smthn, not a good sign
#20
Love is blind. So blind, that people are often willing to overlook small differences in values and/or needs because it might not matter much in the beginning of a relationship and see it as a "necessary compromise and love will conquer all", but oftentimes those little differences will become huge problems later in the relationship (most often when children becomes part of the equation).
#21
Constantly cancelling because their entire life is so busy. Like, on Saturday evenings?
#22
Little white lies should be one of the higher ones in this list. You see them lie to other people or family without a second thought, even about stupid stuff. Trust me, it only gets bigger and worse as time goes on.
Kristal 1 year ago
I don't think you're using that term the correct way. A "white lie" is one to protect a person's feeling, spare them sadness, etc. A white lie is done for the feeling of someone other than yourself. Lying is about protecting the person lying. White lie does not equal small lie.
#23
Find out your date has his own photos as phone background.. Just run!
#24
If he has a burner phone, run
Aidan Campbell 1 year ago
A burner phone is a prepaid mobile phone that is typically used for temporary or anonymous communication. It can be easily purchased without requiring identification or a contract, and can be used without providing personal information. Burner phones are often associated with maintaining privacy or anonymity, such as for temporary use in situations like travel, business, or personal security.
#26
Emotional unavailability.
#27
Mistaking outer beauty for inner beauty..
D. Pitbull 1 year ago
And yet we still see it sooo much... and it's supported in media, in games, etc. etc. etc... "beauty equals goodness" - a pretty girl rips off a friend or cheats on a test, she's "edgy" or... "daring" or "wow, such a rebel" - the average-looking person does the same (or less, not even)? Oh, they're PURE VILLAIN SCUM.
#28
A red flag that people often overlook when dating is inconsistency in communication or behavior. For example, if someone is extremely attentive and communicative one day, but then disappears or becomes distant the next without explanation, it could indicate underlying issues or mixed intentions.
Kristal 1 year ago
... or that they just get busy. People do not have to be in constant communication, particularly at the beginning of a relationship.
Nina 1 year ago
*without explanation* If you're chatty Cathy on days one to 5 and stone cold Steve on day 6-10 without any acknowledgement you're acting different, it's a red flag. Bonus points if you start gaslighting the other person you aren't acting differently.
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Svenne O'Lotta 1 year ago
As a Broccoli I just can't seem to bring myself to care about your stupid star sign.
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Mysteria 1 year ago
So having something like depression or bipolar disorder is a red flag? I get it if they don’t make any effort to improve their quality of life and stuff but as long as they manage it then it’s not a dealbreaker.
Don V 1 year ago
As someone with lifelong struggles with serious depression, heck yes it's a red flag. Not everyone is looking for or even emotionally capable of dealing with all of that baggage. Mental illnesses are the reason for some of our behaviors, but they aren't excuses for them and it's still our responsibility to manage them properly. However, if it affects you enough that even being managed you're not able to consistently show interest in a partner and give proper support then the hard pill to swallow is that you aren't actually managing it successfully, and that's a very, very valid thing for someone you'll presumably be relying on for emotional support to know. If however you do manage it and just have a bad day now and then then that's wonderful, and this item on the list isn't meant for you. But if withdrawing emotionally is such a frequent behavior that it's becoming a noticable issue to your partner? Total red flag, and they need to decide if they're up for the relationship or not.
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#29
Constantly asking your partner if they find random people in public or on TV attractive. In my experience, when they’re asking this, there is no right answer.
Every once in a while is one thing, but if you find yourself walking around looking at your feet all the time, there might be an issue.
#30
Someone who is constantly changing jobs. I don't mean they work for 6 months for one place, get a better position at another company for 1.5 years, then go to a different company. That's normal career growth.
If someone is quitting jobs every few months, even if they immediately get a new job they are not stable.
#31
Gaslighting. It’s crazy how long I let It go before I even realized, and even still It took years of reflection to fully recognize how bad It was..
#32
I lost count on how many times I saw the boyfriend literally owning his girlfriend’s phone.
#33
Weird controlling behavior coupled with a savior complex.
Dudes who get with a girl and are like, "she had no idea about (insert something) until I showed her how to do it properly. Hehe she's so cute.".
Glen Ellyn 1 year ago
Agreed. I dumped a guy because he commented on a dinner I made for us. 'This is okay, but if you just ________, it would be better." 🙄
#34
When she says she likes to have a beer after work but it’s actually 11 beers, when Ive been sober for 4 years it’s just awkward.
Charles McChristy 1 year ago
Yeah, I hate it when they think I want to play DD and babysit them and their friends.
#35
If they even hint of a third party that is interested in them, don't get caught up in that love triangle shenanigans.
Emma S 1 year ago
It depends on how they react to the interest. If they have made it clear to the other person that it's not going to happen, and aren't doing anything to encourage them than it's not really their fault. If they are enjoying the attention and flirt with the other person then definitely steer clear.
#36
Constantly complaining about the people around them. Their family, friends, ex’s, customer service workers, etc. You’ll be on that list too. This person is a perpetuate self identified victim and is 100% going to use it for manipulation and abuse. Just to clarify, some people will complain for real reasons and even though being negative all the time sucks, I’m saying watch out for the extreme cases. It’s all they focus on, it’s almost everyone they come in contact with, and they just don’t understand why or how they deserve it.
#37
1. Lack of interest of your inner world and often just interested in your looks.
2. Hasn’t done any personal work, their issues seem to always be other peoples fault
3. Aren’t sure what they want, they just want to go with the flow…
5. Much Older men seemingly charming, they are not. They prey on younger women. Run.
#38
Possessiveness.
To some degree, your partner being possessive is cute because it makes you feel desired but what many people fail to realize is sometimes it gets too toxic to the level of doubt and that's never good cuz trust is important in a relationship.
#39
The family dynamic. You may say you are marrying the person not the family but it's a package deal. Their mess becomes your mess.
#40
Financial incompatibility.
If you are not on the same page with money, this leads to a lot of problems should the relationship get serious.
#41
Moving too fast. No it’s not normal to feel like you met your soulmate in 3 weeks. They’re not in love with you. They’re in limerence. Which isn’t long lasting. Also the odds are good that this person who is rushing head long into a relationship has a few screws loose.
Aileen Grist 1 year ago
met, moved in in a week, booked the wedding after a month. Married 3 months later - 4 months to the day from meeting. 33 years since we met 29th April 24.
#43
When they are rude to everyone but you🚩🚩.
#44
When they say " just seeing what's out there".
#45
When only its a one sided conversation and the answers are too short from the person.
#46
Messy house / room. Doesn’t seem like a big deal, but it really tells you what kind of partner they will be in terms of housework and chores.
Realistic Optimist 1 year ago
This depends. I'm very clean with roommates/partners because I don't want people to have to deal with my messes.
#47
When the partner treats others like garbage or has a over the top attitude over the dumbest things.
#48
When she doesn’t believe in financial equality, meaning that both parties should bear the cost of finding true love, not just the man.
#49
Talking about their ex constantly, Not wanting to ever go out. My ex never wanted to go out and a girl I was FWB with talked about her ex constantly. realized too late that she wasn't over him while I caught feelings.
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
Steve 1 year ago
They have blood on microscope slides hidden in the AC unit of their Florida apartment, and take frequent boat trips into the bay with garbage bags that are missing when they come back.
marianne eliza 1 year ago
1: An adult without any bank accounts. They're hiding from someone. Police, collection agencies. 2: Aggressive driving.
devotedtodreams 1 year ago
About 1,5 years into our relationship, my ex ghosted me from one day to the next. Since he was my first relationship and I was terrified at the thought of being single after finally (apparently) having found love, I begged him to at least tell why. I finally received an email with an explanation, and there were some legit points in it. But everyone I knew said I should just let it go. In hindsight, I wish I had listened to them - but no, I fought for the relationship, which picked up after a month and lasted for 5,5 years total. (And I never fully trusted him ever again because of this whole ghosting business.)
MrsFettesVette 1 year ago
Oof, u was in a similar situation, I look back now and wonder why I was trying so hard.
Load More Replies... Curry on... 1 year ago
Not related, but the amount of grammatical errors through all the topics is atrocious. Doesn't BP have staff to proofread?
Steve 1 year ago
They have blood on microscope slides hidden in the AC unit of their Florida apartment, and take frequent boat trips into the bay with garbage bags that are missing when they come back.
marianne eliza 1 year ago
1: An adult without any bank accounts. They're hiding from someone. Police, collection agencies. 2: Aggressive driving.
devotedtodreams 1 year ago
About 1,5 years into our relationship, my ex ghosted me from one day to the next. Since he was my first relationship and I was terrified at the thought of being single after finally (apparently) having found love, I begged him to at least tell why. I finally received an email with an explanation, and there were some legit points in it. But everyone I knew said I should just let it go. In hindsight, I wish I had listened to them - but no, I fought for the relationship, which picked up after a month and lasted for 5,5 years total. (And I never fully trusted him ever again because of this whole ghosting business.)
MrsFettesVette 1 year ago
Oof, u was in a similar situation, I look back now and wonder why I was trying so hard.
Load More Replies... Curry on... 1 year ago
Not related, but the amount of grammatical errors through all the topics is atrocious. Doesn't BP have staff to proofread?
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