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People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones
Interview
No one is perfect; no matter how much we idealize a person—be it a family member, a partner, an idol, or someone else—they ought to have flaws. At least one. And even though it’s important to try and accept people for who they are—the good and the bad included—sometimes that one flaw can outweigh all the good qualities they possess.
Redditor u/WoodenInevitable1574 recently asked the ‘Ask Reddit’ community what is one red flag in a partner that negates all the green ones, and members had plenty to share. Ranging from dishonesty to the daily number of selfies taken, their answers covered all sorts of factors that would fend them off from otherwise even the most perfect of partners. Scroll down to find them on the list below, together with some of the OP’s thoughts on the matter, which they shared with Bored Panda during a recent interview.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
They voted for Trump. That shows a clear lack of kindness, integrity, and intelligence.
Michael P (Perthaussieguy) 2 years ago
From an overseas perspective, I see all the Trump supporters caught up in the grip of his cult leadership. He is very persuasive at his rallies. All the signs are there. Especially the one that he says he is always right and everyone who disagrees with him is wrong
Libstak 2 years ago (edited)
How after all the "best people" he has had first being loyal and then being thrown under the bus can any trumper think he is a man of integrity? Don't get me started on the lies, his arrogance is so 6 year old flexing like he rules the world, I just can't comprehend how people can be this stupid.
Charlie the Cat 2 years ago
The worrying thing is the amount of people that did vote for him. That is a whole lot of stupid.
norabest321 2 years ago
Even worse when you see members of your own family support him and his monstrosities. It's soul-crushing to realize those people you respected were so full of hate and fear and you never knew it. And now you can never forget it.
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Kady LaHaie 2 years ago
Also that they're wildly racist, homophopbic and feel it's ok to rape women.
Anthony Jordan 2 years ago
Do away with the antiquated Electoral College. It's an outdated racist system that has allowed two Republican presidents who would otherwise not have won if we had in place a system that counts the popular vote, as every other developed country in the world does. The Electoral College is not democracy!
norabest321 2 years ago
And then let's talk about American gerrymandering. It's almost as stupid as the electoral college.
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Kylie Burgoyne 2 years ago
How can people still support him after he got his followers imprisoned, he lied, he put national security at risk, and more.
norabest321 2 years ago
If you figure it out I'll nominate you for the Nobel Prize
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Bread 2 years ago
Love this game of 'spot the butthurt trump supporters" in this comment section. Beautiful. 🤌
Saint Tim the Godless 2 years ago
Their butthurt tears are delicious. Full of COVID, but delicious.
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George D 2 years ago (edited)
I think this needs clarification. I have friends that are devout Republican and voted for him in '16. That's fine, freedom of choice. They have since moved on from him in every way. It's the ones that STILL back him to this day. They scream a bunch of false equivalencies and think he's being singled out, but the reality is this, say Obama lost his second election and instead of bowing out gracefully, he did exactly what Trump did on Jan 6 but with BLM protestors, and refusing to turn over ALL classified docs, and trying to coerce the state of Georgia into "finding" 11,000 votes. They would be rioting in the streets demanding his hanging, literally. It's the most egregious double standard in recent memory.
Corvus 2 years ago
I love it when they complain about the media being against Trump. Ummm, that's literally their JOB, is it not? The media's role is to be a watchdog of sorts, to expose the wrongdoings of those in power, not praise them.
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#2
There's a lot, but the one I have that isn't here yet is animal cruelty, except if it's towards a cockroach.
Loverboy 2 years ago
Hurting a grown adult is one thing. Hurting something that has no real way of stopping you or defending itself is another. F*****g pieces of s**t
Spencer's slave 2 years ago
Animals and children are 100% off limits. I've gone up against, usually men, occasionally women, more than double my size and I would do it again in a heartbeat to protect innocents.
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Shyla Bouche 2 years ago
Leave Headless Roach alone! We don't kill Pandas, even if they are cockroach shaped.
Lord of the laserprinter. 2 years ago
I would expect the Headless cockroach to disagree very strongly.
Carla Campbell 2 years ago
Being cruel to children or animals makes me want to hurt a m********a.
Alex Mosby 2 years ago
I really don't like animals, they remind me too much of children. However, I would never hurt and animal and would literally cry if I ran over a tree rat.
Laura Kaye 2 years ago
As someone who grew up with parents who treated their animals like furniture and not as parts of the family, and would also be dickheads to said furniture. I agree 100%. I currently own a dog, 2 rabbits and 13 chickens. They all are spoiled rotten with love and affection! I am dating someone who admits not to care for dogs or cats but guess who happily plays with a vicious murder paws when he gets the chance and let's my dog love him (she forces him to. Obviously)
BeepBoop is Lonely (she/they) 2 years ago
I confidently save spiders and beetles from inside the house to outside, but I will never safe wasps and cockroaches. Wasps scare the shít out of me and make me cry, and we have flying cockroaches where I live. No thanks <3 (I'm also allergic to cockroaches lol)
#3
Only respecting women they’re attracted to.
Alexia 2 years ago
And when they're not attracted to that woman anymore, she'd get the same disrespect as the others.
Isaac Harvey 2 years ago
How you treat people you don’t like says infinitely more about you than how you treat people you like.
Lou Cam 2 years ago (edited)
Yes, a pretty female friend of mine explained how I should meet all her new male colleagues because they're so great and I'll get on so well with them. She explains that at least a couple love the same movies, shows and music as me so we'll all get on together.. I agree to meet her new colleagues (100% platonically) after work at a pub. Well they turn out to be a bunch of dude bros who either openly sneer at me or ignore me completely when I tried to join in the conversation. I overhear one guy telling the other that I'm Velma and my friend is Daphne and they all laugh. I left early. Pretty friend just can't understand why I'm not gelling with them. Ah well....
Babsevs 2 years ago
Watching how they treat people in general....some a r s e h o l e s think it's ok to be rude to serving staff, hotel receptionist etc...anything they see as a service position, like how is that not a huge red flag warning???
Kyla Eisler 2 years ago
I had a crush on a guy that kinda had a dad bod. He was not skinny by any means but I am petite. We had a mutual attraction to each other, went on a few dates. Then he started talking about a past sex experience where he had to "take one for the team" by sleeping with a heavier set woman. When he is heavy set. Instantly lost attraction for him.
RosenCranzLives 2 years ago
IMHO, that's not even "respecting women." That's just being dishonest and manipulative.
Menacing Duck 2 years ago
Yeah guys! Only respect Ducks! Humans are bad, Ducks are great! Give us burgers!
Wysteria_Rose 2 years ago
Used to hang out with a guy who did this. All other women, he'd act like he'd never seen a pretty woman before and be gawking. With me? He would treat me roughly (push me off the sidewalk, knuckle-hit me in the arm, etc.) and say "well, I don't see you as a woman. I see you like a guy friend." Dude, just because you don't want to have sex with someone does not negate their gender. It doesn't work like that.
The redditor told Bored Panda that the reason they posed the question was an ended relationship. “I asked it as some surprising revelations came up from a failed relationship I was involved in, and I was curious if I was a unique case,” they said.
Professor of psychology at the Derner School of Psychology of Adelphi University, Lawrence Josephs, PhD., pointed out that sometimes people turn a blind eye to red flags and character flaws while in a relationship, especially in the very beginning. It is related to the phenomena of ‘the primacy effect’, ‘the confirmation bias’, and ‘motivated perception’.
#4
Having different levels of respect for people according to their profession, status, health, finances, popularity, race, etc...
You know the ones that cozy up to their peers while yelling at the waiter that brings their food to the table, mocking a special needs customer on the other table for "fun" and/or talking trash about people with a different skin color behind their backs because how dare they?
I hate those people, and make it a point to avoid them like the plague.
D. Pitbull 2 years ago
Oh hey, I see OP has met my sibling! Yeeah... don't ever EVER tell me "they're family! Forgive everything!" - no.
bluegal (they/them) 2 years ago
Exactly. You shouldn't base your opinion because of what someone has or what someone is, you should base it on their actions, intentions, and personally feelings.
Laura Kaye 2 years ago
I hate these types of people. Honestly think EVERYONE should work in the Service industry as a waitress, fast food person or retail worker for at least 6 months of their life to understand how much work or how many a**holes they have to deal with
Saint Tim the Godless 2 years ago
Your RANK doesn't f*****g impress me. How you treat people who are less powerful does.
Vasana Phong 2 years ago
Wow so true, and when these people do the exact same thing when they have a financial downfall of their own, guess who they are calling
Ambry Petersen 2 years ago
Just be careful that in attempting to avoid those people, you do not become one of those people.
#5
I have a bunch, but the one that'll get me downvoted to hell? Extremely devout in their religion. Doesn't matter what religion to me - if they're seriously religious, I'm gone.
Deborah B 2 years ago
Only if you're an a*****e about it, or disrespectful of the faith of others. There's a point where some athiests become just as dogmatic and convinced of their own rectitude as religious fundamentalists.
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Kare Deter 2 years ago
My best friend "found" religion and I couldn't stand talking to her anymore. All she did was hit me over the head with the bible trying to convert me. It broke my heart to go no contact, but she refused to respect my boundaries.
Honey 2 years ago
Oh wow. The thing is, I'm very religious but one thing I stand by is 'it's okay to say no'. Some people just don't want to hear you out so move on.
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Haha Nope 2 years ago
I don't think being devout is really the problem, I think the problem is when people try to force their religion on others and think that they are the only person in the world that is right because they are a part of __________ religion. My father is very devout, but he does not force it on other people, and he does not open religious conversations unless the other person wants to talk about it. When I ask him questions about his religion he will talk about it, and when I have not interest in those conversations we just talk about other things.
Bina Wei 2 years ago
My father is the same. I believe in God and it's how I try to be even if I'm not as devout (I am usually the one asking him questions, haha) also. It's a sensitive subject and many sides have gone very far before. It's important to respect other people regardless of what they believe.
Load More Replies... Renee H. 2 years ago
Those who are truly devote don't behave that way. It's the hypocrites that give people of faith a bad name.
Haha Nope 2 years ago
Unfortunately, that is correct. Everyone should understand live and let live. If you are devout, awesome, more power to you. However, it is not your place to force your religion on to others. In fact, you will likely make people bitter by doing that. Unfortunately, those with bad behavior are usually the loudest.
Load More Replies... D. Pitbull 2 years ago
Yeah... methinks this is referring to the "gonna thump it in your FACE" kind of devout - the kind where they'll give you (at least) looks and sighs of disapproval for you living your life (and I don't mean any sort of 'fast' life... I mean just... oh no, I celebrate a holiday you don't believe in, so I'm damned forever!!!) - and that's if you're lucky... the other ones have a whole scary tackle play, where there's a group and they come at you from all sides... and you're just trying to catch the bus!!!
Sue Bradley 2 years ago
My problem with anyone who is very religious is that I can't have a relationship with them that feels real. Despite maybe having common ground or interests, that they worship and give their lives to an unknown being, makes me question their ability to make sound judgments. For example some will accept scientific information - how can they then accept religion - based on folklore, and not much more!!!!
luka! (she/her) 2 years ago
Honestly I feel like it would only become a red flag once they try to force it on you
Steve Riddle 2 years ago
A thousand years ago if the King of some European country disagreed with the Roman Catholic church he'd get a decree from the Pope that basically said "Either submit to my Papal rule or 'Off with your head!' " So it's been their unbending pattern to force their religion on humans for a very, very long time.
Marie Dahme 2 years ago
Or just be like King Henry VIII and start your own Church of England ! I think even though Martin Luther even though wasn’t a king…did start his own movement:Lutheran.
Load More Replies...The primacy effect refers to people presenting the best version of themselves when they first start dating someone, in order to make a good first impression. Dr. Lawrence Josephs suggested that such a positive impression can influence our judgment and the way we perceive the person in the future.
That often leads to confirmation bias, which means people tend to selectively look for evidence that could confirm their first impression. Similarly, they often choose to ignore anything that can challenge the positive impression, including all sorts of red flags.
#6
Never admitting they were wrong, even in the face of evidence. Never apologizing.
No empathy for other’s distress.
Sue Denham 2 years ago
This. And blaming any wrongdoing on someone else. "Someone told me to do it." "If he hadn't done . . . I wouldn't have had to . . .."
Danish Susanne 2 years ago
That is exactly what I thought. I just saw him on TV saying: "Yes I lied but others lied too" as if that was somehow an excuse.
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wee.wee.croissant (ollie) 2 years ago
To be honest, this is kind of a problem with me, like making excuses, but I'm definitely working on it because I understand that I need to be responsible for my own actions
Dak Janiels 2 years ago
To me, the worst version of this is someone who does something hurtful and then ACTS upset/sad WITH you -yet not accepting responsibility while telling you they didn't MEAN for it to happen, or it wasn't their fault because things just happen. No, YOU happened.
The Original Bruno 2 years ago
THIS is one thing that bugs the s**t out of me with modern politicians, and yes, especially Trump and Bush. It's become political doctrine that admitting error is weakness.
Jane No Dough 2 years ago
I call it the Karl Rove School of Public Speaking.
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#7
Racism/hate.
Alexia 2 years ago (edited)
Many use their education/ background as an excuse for their racist views. Nope. At some point in life, you are making your own choices. My father is racist, homophobic, xenophobic and misogynistic (and also abusive and violent to his family). I moved away and haven't spoken to him in years.
Tams21 2 years ago
I agree. Nobody is born a racist and upbringing does influence people but at some point people have to accept responsibility for their views.
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Jared Robinson 2 years ago
I'm not a racist but..... but you are about to say some racist s**t huh?
Duane Johnston 2 years ago
I have never figured out why you would care what color someone is, who or what they worship, what their job is or what they do in their bedroom as long as children aren't involved.these things have nothing to do with whether the are a good person or not. Just never comes up on my radar.
Matt Harrell 2 years ago
I truly appreciate people that understand there is a difference between prejudice and racism. I know I have prejudices. I don't think I'm better than anyone because of a fluke of genetics.
Robert Craig 2 years ago
Yes, But, ALL racism, not just whites being racist against blacks, But, blacks being racist against whites, plaenstines being racist against Israelis etc.
Stymied Egan 2 years ago
Dredging up things from the past to support their hate. Clumping each and every person of a specific background into one single group. There are no individuals.
#8
Littering. Like , blatantly. Throwing trash out of a car window for example. It's my pet peeve. Of course, I'd point it out to them first and see if they stopped doing it but it would still be a huge red flag to me.
Aiw Aiwou 2 years ago
Not everyone realizes they're doing it. At least that's what I learned while living in cities in the UK
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Firstname Lastname 2 years ago
If I had a bigger backbone, I'd love to pick up people's litter and say "oops, you dropped this."
Tracy Wallick 2 years ago
The only time I'm ok with this, is if it's something that's biodegradable (like an apple core) and it's not on private property like someone's yard
Blyss Blyssylb 2 years ago (edited)
Often wonder why ppl do that yet, those Same ppl will claim to be Righteous and Clean?! And while they're telling everybody how Righteous and Clean they are, they're simultaneously tossing their trash/cigarette out the window! 🤬🤬🤬 Litterbugs! 🤬🤬🤬
Nitka Tsar 2 years ago
When I was at school a boy was send home from a week long trip because he through something out of a train window.
According to Josephs, cognitive biases are driven by motivated perception, as people are highly motivated to believe in the idealized image they’ve created of their partner (due to being tired of being single or lonely, and similar reasons). However, he believes that people do notice red flags despite the primacy effect, the confirmation bias, and motivated perception clouding their judgment.
The OP revealed to Bored Panda what is one red flag that negates all the green ones for them: “I consider abuse of trust as the line that cannot be crossed under any circumstances. No matter what other qualities one may possess, once they break my trust, it's nearly impossible to gain it back.”
#9
Anti-science.
Ka Se 2 years ago
As someone who works close to the scientific field, I would like to say that many seem to misunderstand the concept of science. Scientific knowledge is not fixed, it is what we think is closest to reality based on various sophisticated experiments and observations. Within the scientific community there is constant discussion and sometimes verification (unfortunately this is far too rare as there is neither prestige nor money for it and verification is even more expensive) whether all this is so.
Tams21 2 years ago
In the context of these posts, I'm guessing this is referring more to people that refute fundamental principles which are widely accepted - flat-earthers, climate change deniers, anti vaxxers and the like.
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Mark Jefferys 2 years ago
This must be an American thing, how can you be anti science? Science just is.
Becky Wilson 2 years ago
Flat earthers. And the ones who believe that earth is only 4000 years old. I just can't.
Saint Tim the Godless 2 years ago (edited)
Religion should not be treated as if it is on equal footing with science. You can play pretend all you want; just don't force everyone else to participate.
Maggie Fanelli 2 years ago
When people say “anti-science” they always mean “anti-THEIR VERSION of science”.
Moo 2 years ago
There are many Christians who don't believe in science, but as a Christian myself, science actually helps enhance my religion and give me more faith in my beliefs. I use science and history and theology, and think on my own, and that makes me more sure in my faith. I'm not trying to argue any points or tell you why you should be Christian, I'm just explaining. Peace and love <3
Christina Watson 2 years ago
Anti - science? Science is experimental in many cases. Unless you are a scientist, and a really good one; you can't pick on others.
Danish Susanne 2 years ago
I remember that some of those I went to school with told me that physics was not related to real life, and I thought: But gravity, electricity and the sun all works wthether you believe it or not.
#10
Cruelty. People can hide it pretty well sometimes but when you see it, it’s best to dip.
strawbisundae replied:
Especially animal cruelty. My old art teacher from the third highschool I attended told me (literally old, she was 72) that, how someone treats animals is often how they treat people and you do not want someone like that in your life.
Wysteria_Rose 2 years ago
My husband had two examples he grew up with who were on either end of the spectrum on this matter: his grandfather would shoot stray cats and once caught kittens and put them in a bag, handed them to his son (husband's father) and told him to just toss them over the bridge when he drove home. Son did NOT do this and took them home where they raised them and gave them to loving homes. Son would also find random animals on his mail route and bring home all sorts of new pets every other week.
Blyss Blyssylb 2 years ago
That's my Belief. You can Always see what kind of person ppl are by how they treat their Pets/how ppl treat Animals
HighNMightyBigshot 2 years ago
For the most part, but remember Hitler started the first humane society
Jeanne Bradbury 2 years ago
Animal abusers are irrefutable proof of mutant strains of "humanity"
Maggie Mae 2 years ago
Bullies are taught at HOME & continue on Throughout their entire Miserable Insignificant Lives to Hurt everything that is Better than they are or Happier than they are!!
Moo 2 years ago
Right. I've argued with people about this, but I don't trust people who don't treat animals with like basic care. I'm not saying treat them with the same respect as humans, just treat them like human beings!! I like my cat more than most people anyways, and I'm still as respectful as I can be to humans
#11
Absurd possesiveness („you can’t wear that“, „you cant go there“, „you cant talk to that guy“).
Babsevs 2 years ago
Any form of controlling behaviour is unacceptable. Coercive, abusive, jealous, financially....all giant red flags and you need to get out as soon as you safely can
ROSESARERED 2 years ago
My ex...your wearing this not that,...put your hair up, makeup on, or we are not going anywhere ...and on and on, Thank God I'm out, controlling selfish self absorbed jerk. Now, anything even close, nope out of here, never, never, NEVER, again Control=abuse. No fist needed, you'll feel beaten everyday, and a black abyss pulling you in.
Annika Kremer 2 years ago
Definitely. Including people who try to police friendships. I have quite a few platonic male friends ( more than female ones due to my interests, which, apart from writing, are traditionally male) and could never date someone who wasn't okay with that. I'm not giving up my friends for that and also, if you can't trust me, it's not going to work.
Josh Gilland 2 years ago
You can and should make suggestions or give advice but never demands. Unless of course it's a life or death situation
Wysteria_Rose 2 years ago
When I was 18, I had a bf who I'd been with through high school who began doing this. I was starting at college and every time I'd go out with people or do anything he began yelling at me and talking down to me. I was young and thought it was just being overprotective but something nagged me that it wasn't right. Took me a while but finally broke it off.
The OP believes that sharing stories and discussing similar topics can help people dispose of certain negative emotions. “Human beings are social animals. They take no joy in loneliness, and I'm not just talking physically. If someone else shares your uneasy feelings, they dissipate faster. I make these claims from personal observation and experience,” they said.
#12
Malicious manipulation of any form.
Alexia 2 years ago
"You're too sensitive, stop taking it personally, I was only joking"- really?
Loverboy 2 years ago
Lying, gaslighting, guilt tripping, fear mongering, love bombing, etc.. It doesn't matter how small it is or how many times they do it. The fact they would do it at all means they have to go.
Terran 2 years ago
Yes, but I want to add that some people have a very poor understanding of the concepts you mention. Don't talk yourself into believing you are manipulated by your partner. If you think you are, talk with friends or a psychologist about it to actually tetermine the best course of action.
Load More Replies... Laura Kaye 2 years ago
Some people are manipulative without realizing it. Kind of like those 'Hey we should talk about dinner' and trying to decide on something and it is ALWAYS the one person who chooses... And it SEEMS like all your decisions are made together but if you break it down, all decisions are ACTUALLY made by the one person. BUT that is not always a bad thing. Some people HATE making decisions.
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Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago (edited)
In addition to a certain degree of gaslighting, my ex used to try to guilt trip me all the time (note: it has never worked on me. I don't play stupid games). The whole "poor me, you don't love me anymore" insecure bullsh*t mentality. After 12 years I'd had enough and just snapped, "You know what Mike? You're absolutely right, I DON'T love you anymore. I want a divorce". Still took 3 months to get everything hashed out (with him either begging me to stay or calling me every name in the book because he had "wasted" 12 years of his life. Yeah, it must really suck to have a wife that basically supported you and your 4 children while also providing healthcare & a beautiful home because you couldn't keep a job). Buh-bye.
Riley Quinn 2 years ago
The only time I could accept this behavior is if an employee or tenant was using this technique to get revenge against a ruthless boss or landlord.
Thomas Ewing 2 years ago
The use of "I was only joking" or "I don't care" will derail any attempt at civility. NEVER use those phrases in adult conversation.
Brock Landers 2 years ago
I don't like when a woman expects a traditional man(like having me paying for the first date) when she isn't a traditional woman. For instance, if you're doing onlyfans it is absurd to think you deserve some guy being traditional , since you aren't.
#13
If they ever start bragging on how "fortunate" you are to be with them and how they have a roster of people they can be with at any moment.
Vasana Phong 2 years ago
When you are at point in your life and you know your worth, response would be “ ok then go to that person “, but in all reality ( former domestic violence victim) you stay due to financial reasons or threats to love ones
Alexia 2 years ago (edited)
I shouldn't have ignored this with my ex. I told him - before our first date - that I was very busy and travelling for work at the time, and it'd be ok if he wouldn't want to wait a few months. It was his choice to wait. Then, at our first date, started telling me how fortunate I was because he waited for me, when "no other man would have done such a favor to me". The relationship was a fiasco and ended quickly.
Ima Manimal 2 years ago
My ex said he had a “line of people wanting to date him.” I said, “go for it. I’m done.”
Danish Susanne 2 years ago
If they have to tell you, that you are fortunate to be with them it MUST be because they know, that it is no such thing
Danish Susanne 2 years ago
If you meet with someone like that remember how lucky that person is to be with you!
#14
Victim complex.
kgriff112 replied:
Just ended a friendship I’ve had with someone since kindergarten due to this.
She was always the hero or the victim (ya know, always the martyr), and it was always about her. Sad that it ended after so long but I couldn’t take it anymore, and I hated feeling like a hypocrite, calling myself her friend while growing to resent her more and more each day.
Kare Deter 2 years ago
For an elevated stress level, try playing the home edition of this. I had two teenage versions of this personality (one my daughter, the other another daughter's friend who was living with us) literally playing the "my life sucks worse than yours" game till I just screamed in frustration, trying desperately to retain my sanity. For those keeping score, the girl who had to come live with us clearly won that game. Or lost. Depends on your POV.
Babsevs 2 years ago
I don't have enough good karma to make you feel anywhere near peaceful about this whole thing! Huge kudos to you for taking in a teen to live with you, your heart must be enormous (especially for a permanently *I'm a victim* one) x
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LocalLizard(He/They/Xe) 2 years ago
I had a "friend" like this since kindergarten, ended it in 3rd grade but she kept trying to become friends with me again. I heard from her younger brother, who I am still friends with, that she has zero friends and continues to try to bring people down.
Riley Quinn 2 years ago
I find survivors make much better companions. Survivors don't require the focus on them like victims who seem to feed off the attention and drama.
aZZy_d3Lta (they/star/bun) 2 years ago
Monoboi. We get mad at him for sexually harassing me, saying slurs, and being homophobic, xenophobic, and misogynistic, and coming up with a million ways to avoid punishment, but somehow HE'S the victim???
Zephynescent 2 years ago
Ooof. I feel this hard, and reading this post and the comments have helped, thanks Pandas!
#15
How they treat boundaries. If you set one, someone is either going to test it, or they'll actively try to help you maintain it. And if they're the former, things will only get worse from there in how they treat you.
Matt Harrell 2 years ago (edited)
Now I see it worded like this, it's literally a failure in parenting. These people's parents never broke them of the pre school-age tendency of young children to always push boundaries until the point of retaliation. Only now they're adults and have learned how to use force, wether verbal, emotional or physical, to prevent that retaliation.
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Coyote Osborne 2 years ago
I've always thought it was odd how flip some people are with boundaries. I've always sort of treated each other person as their own micronation, with their own rules. Typically, the rules are very simple to follow, and I don't mind doing it when visiting the micronation of whoever-they-are. "Please call me (name)", "Please take of your shoes as you enter my home. We don't wear shoes in the house", "These are my pronouns", "I'm not a hugger", "Please don't take my food", "Please do not touch or grab me." When I see people pushing boundaries, I take note.
Spencer's slave 2 years ago
Brilliant explanation of boundary crossing that many of us put up with every day. I love your term "micro nation" too.
Load More Replies... D. Pitbull 2 years ago
Don't let the "this is for your own good" and "this will HELP you" comments slide unless they can provide proof - because it's often pure garbage. One ex liked to do things that humiliated me (like making me sit in the back seat so the dog could sit in the front seat - yes... this was purposeful) - and he'd always find some nonsense excuse... like... "Well, the way the dog sits this is the only way they won't get hurt, and you don't want the dog to get hurt, right?" (but would refuse to invest in say, a car harness - or learn how to use one if it was bought)... he knew I had a phobia of deep water (because I can't swim!) - and I swear, he kept talking about how he should just push me in so I 'would be forced to learn'
Caliban Taylor 2 years ago
I didn’t even know what boundaries were until late 2021. I’m 40. There’s a lot to learn and a LOT to unlearn. And I’m grateful for the people in my life who understand and are actively helping me. I wish there were more people in the world who would just say, “no, that’s a boundary.”
Riley Quinn 2 years ago
I left home right after HS graduation. Starting with my family, that was the first boundary I erected. Boundaries came much easier after that.
Luther Kozhevnikov 2 years ago
I quit my job because of this. Respect other people's boundaries.
#16
ABUSE
angied4liberty 2 years ago (edited)
Keep in mind that abuse is not just physical. Mental and emotional abuse can be far worse sometimes
Danish Susanne 2 years ago
That must be why two women I of my aquanitance stayed with abusive husbands. They both said, that they were afraid noone else would want them. The saddest part was that at least one of them was very good looking, but no longer belived in that.
Load More Replies... luka! (she/her) 2 years ago
This should be higher. Abusers can literally go f**k themselves. I don’t understand how anyone can live with the fact that they intentionally abuse others, people they're supposed to love. It's so disturbing
Wysteria_Rose 2 years ago
Know a woman whose ex tried to freaking strangle her. There were actually people (I assume HIS family and friends) who were happy when she said she wanted to try to work it out. We were all so relieved when she left, took her daughter and went off the grid for a bit. Now she lives safely and her and her kid are happy.
BeepBoop is Lonely (she/they) 2 years ago
can we please make the higher than #20. It should be at the beginning because it's so important, even if it seems obvious
Claire Smith 1 year ago
i had a friend once who would abuse me physically, mentally and emotionally. i don't want to say their name in case theyre is still stalking me, don't know how or why I was friends with them for so long -.-
Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago
Unfortunately, they've usually got you somewhat isolated and dependent on them before physical abuse actually starts. The mental & emotional stuff pretty much begins the second they know they've got you hooked. I am a DV survivor. It took a few years to trust men again and when I did finally get married to my last husband I had confidence in myself again. Imagine my surprise when we were arguing in the garage and he slapped me. Without even thinking about it I cracked that f*cker with a well placed right hook and broke his partial (denture). I told him if he EVER put a hand on me again, I'd slit his throat in his sleep. Apparently he believed because he never raised a hand to me again.
Riley Quinn 2 years ago
By the time it gets to this stage, you've already overlooked the red flags. You're now in the evacuation phase.
Maggie Mae 2 years ago
ALL ABUSE is BAD!! None of it should be Permitted in The 2023 Year of such Intelligence all Bullies & Beaters of Children Partners & Animals should Be sent One way to Live on MARS they are a Completely Useless sub Species on Earth!! Waste of Space to all Others!!
#17
Extreme outburst of anger.
Laura Kaye 2 years ago
This should be monitored but sometimes you need empathy because sometimes the person's extreme outburst is because they have some issues going on. I had an ex who I am still friends with who had extreme outbursts of emotions but they were caused by undiagnosed or treated mental issues - based on research, I am 99.999% sure he is high functioning autistic-spectrum. He is a great guy but had to do things a specific way and hated change of routine and had difficulty adapting to when life throws lemons. When something unexpected happened, he would either shut down emotionally or do something completely wacky-over-the-top like punch a wall or break a gate slamming it so hard or literally start picking the skin on his nails bloody. He may also start sobbing uncontrollably. Mostly he shut down emotionally and it was like talking to a wall trying to figure out what the next steps were and I had to fix everything
Nechelle Bixby 2 years ago
I think my self worth was destroyed by my ex-husbands anger toward me which he then turned toward our 5 yr old daughter (when I left). I think therapy is great but it can't always fix things. Trust you know when to walk away while you still can walk.
Riley Quinn 2 years ago
Due to TBIs, I can go into anger overdrive with frightening speed. Knowing this, I live alone and refrain from public activities that will trigger this behavior. No one should have to contend with my brain injuries (unless they have it coming/lol).
Blyss Blyssylb 2 years ago
I am borderline autistic (autism-spectrum) with PTSD from an extremely abusive childhood...that said, I too, have an explosive temper. I have worked on controlling my temper my entire life. My point is, I Hear You. I See You. Controlling one's temper is never easy as it is a challenge in itself Especially with Head Trauma. Stay Strong Riley Quinn! You got this!
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Just another dot of the masses 2 years ago
Any outburst of anger should be a warning of a lack of self control.
Saint Tim the Godless 2 years ago
Anger is a legitimate emotion and great if you direct it properly. If you don't, then not so much.
Tams21 2 years ago
Having a mental illness might be a reason for it but it's still legitimate for someone to say that this is a red flag for them. Everyone gets to decide who they want to be with and it's ok not to want a relationship with someone with extreme outbursts of anger
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Thomas Ewing 2 years ago
Lack of self-control is immaturity. They aren't in charge but want someone to be.
Maggie Mae 2 years ago
No Self Control should be Addressed immediately by a Therapist and Get Yourself straightened around!! Just Like Bullying Extreme Anger is also LEARNED at HOME by watching Parents mistreat each other & never Apologise for their Behaviour!! Kids are Like Sponges They Soak up everything in their Atmosphere & Keep whatever they Hear & See!!
#18
Overbearing jealousy.
No_transistory replied:
My ex. She would go through my phone while I slept and remove and block people on my social media she didn't want me talking to. Complimenting someone's hair? Flirting. Smiling while talking? Flirting. Liking a photo? Flirting.
She could not stand me having female friends. The irony being most of her friends were male. She also never had anything nice to say about anyone or anything. Left a few months ago and I miss her, but damn I tried and tried and just couldn't cope anymore.
Alexia 2 years ago (edited)
Oooh. I used to spend hours trying to convince my ex that I travelled for business and that was it. "Yeah, sure, who knows what male colleague was with you in your so-called business trip?" How do you prove that you didn't do something? Why would need to prove smth. like that in the first place?
Aiw Aiwou 2 years ago
That's like processes with witches - prove you never worshiped the devil
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Vasana Phong 2 years ago
This one is sad because at the beginning it can he hidden well, gets to the point where you don’t want to go / do anything, just stay inside to avoid arguments, glad I’m in a good place now
Carla Campbell 2 years ago
Should have gotten out after the first time. The accuser is usually guilty.
Lisa H 2 years ago
My current boyfriend definitely gets a little jealous when I talk to/about guys on a platonic level because he's developed trust issues thanks to unhealthy relationships in his past. Thankfully, he's in therapy and listens to reason when I tell him he has nothing to worry about from me (because he doesn't). He is actively working on himself and I strongly respect that about him.
Worst Cop in Britain 2 years ago
Welp that's partially your fault for not securing your phone better. Lock screens exist for a reason, folks.
Blyss Blyssylb 2 years ago
She's been cheating on you that's Why she would go thru your phone/social media!
#19
Dishonesty.
Anya Beboop 2 years ago
For me, it depends on the degree of it. Certain things would be a deal-breaker but many things can be worked through and you can find the cause.
Terran 2 years ago
Yeah, we shouldn't forget that some people might have very good reasons to not be honest at first. Previous trauma might lead to a degree of dishonesty.
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Loverboy 2 years ago (edited)
You can do everything right but if you're breaking my trust then it doesn't matter. Sometimes it can be worked through but doing it repeatedly?
Babsevs 2 years ago
I think this is closer to the true red flag territory for me....little white lies may not always be minor, but can serve a noble purpose...however, outright breaking trust, thats a whole new level for me and I can't tolerate that
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Eve Ballein 2 years ago
Also omission and tanglement of words. Be very specific when asking questions and very specific when answering.
FlatEarf2.0 2 years ago
This is acceptable to a point. Surprise parties, you have to lie about that a bit
Riley Quinn 2 years ago
My cheating ex couldn't understand why I wanted a divorce. Because you lied. An elaborate lie. Once that level of trust is gone, it's over. Integrity is far more important to me than the sex.
Maggie Mae 2 years ago
Flat Out Lying to Your Spouse about anything & they find out the Truth Breaks the Sacred Trust between Couples Faster than Cheating can!! Great way to end Relationships!!
Ambry Petersen 2 years ago
Honesty is the best policy, though this can get tricky when planning a surprise party or confronted with a (does this outfit make me look bloated) question.
AngelWingsYT 2 years ago
This can be greatly depending. Some ppl have trust issues which lead them to lying as defense. If thats the case then they need support not abandonment. If they loe to lie cause lols then yea red flag
#20
The older I get, the more there are. I'm not dealing with possessiveness, unkindness towards people or animals, gaslighting or other manipulative dishonesty, rage problems, irresponsible financial habits, excessive bathroom humor... I'm sure there's more. And I'm not in the business of changing people.
If we are talking early/first date stuff, though, I'd say being unkind or stingy with wait staff. Quick and easy pass.
Robert Craig 2 years ago (edited)
Second date I had with an ex gf,( no animosity just weren't compatible for.long term) went to tgi Fridays I ordered a steak and the waiter forgot the steak sauce it was busy so I just ate my sides until he came.back and asked if I needed anything. He was so horrified that he forgot it he even went and got his manager r to ask if I wanted a free desert, I said.no things happen. She said later that was one of the reasons why she tried to make it work so long.
FangerZero 2 years ago
Agreed older I get I just can't deal with the BS being single is less dramatic, but merely lonely at times. I can handle the loneliness, I refuse to handle the drama.
Load More Replies... Riley Quinn 2 years ago
The brilliant thing about being old is not having to tolerate other people's sh!t. I don't want the drama of other people's emotions disturbing my peace, and I have no qualms about stating that as I walk away.
Karen Philpott 2 years ago
Not just wait staff, but service, secretary, retail staff in general.
Ducklord88 2 years ago
Whats wrong with bathroom humor? It isnt mean or atleast the bathroom humor i do with my friends but im also young
Annika Kremer 2 years ago
Yes, sounds like more of a preference and many people don't feel strongly about this one. I'm usually bored by that kind of humour (word-based jokes and dark humour are my thing) but never really minded it in friends or partners. If they enjoy it, good for them.
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#21
Misogyny.
Black Cat 2 years ago
Hatred towards any group shows someone who is irrational and unbalanced.
Thomas Ewing 2 years ago
"I don't like myself, so I'm gonna misbehave and show the whole world!" Why not just do right and show the world how to do that, instead? You are good enough, aren't you?
Riley Quinn 2 years ago
There have been so many people I've disliked, but it never even occurred to me to hate an entire group due to the ugly behavior of these individuals.
Brent Echols 2 years ago
Yeah, how dare women seek to be treated equally? The nerve!! /s
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#22
Overly sexualizing every interaction with everyone.
(っ◔◡◔)っ blush 2 years ago
Ughhh I hate people like this! Once, a classmate told me that I would be a good stripper and expected me to take it as a compliment
Black Cat 2 years ago
It's everything to some people. Some people are so sex crazed it's nauseating.
Load More Replies... Josh Gilland 2 years ago
Americans have this weird thing of sexualizing everything. I have a kinky side but geez half of what's being sexualized doesn't even make since.
Rahul Pawa 2 years ago
Reminds me of my partner. When we met, she was sure that most of my friend group had had sex with most of the opposite gender in the group. Basically she took any flirting between two people to mean they had had sex at some point. I'm not sure if this is what OP meant.
Ambry Petersen 2 years ago
Emphatically agree with this one. It is very creepy, and also disgusting.
Tracey Kneasel 2 years ago
What if it's with half the people you meet and you keep it to yourself? I can't help it!
Maggie Mae 2 years ago
My best Friend Does This & always Claims she is JUST JOKING but every Conversation Turns into Something Sexual with her Mixed Company or not!! I even Asked her If she was a WHORE in her LAST LIFE?
#23
Following anyone in the manosphere. Andrew Tate/Jordan Peterson/ Pearl for example.
Aiw Aiwou 2 years ago
Never heard of Pearl but agree with the other two. I know many men who find Peterson inspirational or even clever, I don't. He's egoist who twist others' words and rarely replies to a question when it's uncomfortable to him.
DM 2 years ago
My ex says he is a “Sigma Alpha Male” and on the top of the human food chain and we are all just idiot cogs. He lives alone in the woods and has been to prison for domestic abuse….twice. So this one hits my nerve. YUCK. Code for anti-social narcissistic womanizer. That’s all this is.
Caliban Taylor 2 years ago
Jordan Peterson makes me so sad because his old psychology lectures helped me so much when I wasn’t able to get help early in the pandemic.
Featherking 2 years ago (edited)
I think it’s probably that whole business of tragic, angry little men blatting about “alpha males” and smearing their sad misogyny all over everything. Incels, that sort of thing. It’s running a bit rampant these days - I think that could be the manosphere. Not 100% sure though. I don’t know the other names, but I’m pretty sure Andrew Tate is this short, angry dude with no chin who got busted for human trafficking recently - if I understand it correctly he was an influencer who used the macho man of machoness as his thing. Bragging about cars and money and treating women as lesser beings - every pathetic, tiresome cliché in the book, basically. If I’m thinking about the right guy.
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Riley Quinn 2 years ago
They are frightened little boys who refuse to accept the rapidly changing order. They are to be avoided, ignored, given no credibility.
dahnb 2000 2 years ago
As a man, I've never needed lessons from a "guru incel" on how to be manly.
wesley wild 2 years ago
Ye toxic masculinity is a big no no . Unless there's a war or a break in or garbage needs taking out
#24
What they say about people behind their back.
Corvus 2 years ago
If they often talk about other people behind their backs, then chances are they are doing this with you as well...
Snap panda 2 years ago
If they talking about me behind my back they leaving someone else alone.
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Jill Rhodry 2 years ago
My dad taught me to only compliment people behind their backs - sort of like 'if you don't have something nice to say...' - but with a bonus, those that are trash talking either shut up or start finding nice things to say about the person too.
jacqueline 2 years ago
Always say if they can talk to you about someone, they are talking about you to someone!
Laura Kaye 2 years ago (edited)
..... Ok I actually think this is healthy. Sometimes we need to b***h about our partners and our friends. I love my best friend and her family but DAMN sometimes they annoy me in ways that I don't feel comfortable sharing with them. Like her SIL is not exactly the smartest cookie in the bunch, is the type of woman who would have been mean to me in high school and her voice can grate my eardrums like nails on a chalkboard. Or my sister's manchild - she won't listen to reason about him so I like to b***h about him to my significant other. And I b***h about my significant other to those who have significant others so we can complain about common problems with significant others. It's cathartic. Y'all saying you don't b***h about anyone? To anyone? Comeonnnnn. I literally encouraged ALL my ex boyfriends and my current to go out with their boys and b***h about me lol. Especially when they are obviously holding in some pent up frustration and don't feel comfortable bitching to me because it's about me. Not only is it healthy, it can honestly help work out a problem you have with them and calm you down enough to then talk about the problem in a civilized way instead of being angry about it
Chexmy Licks/egg🇯🇵 2 years ago
this is me and my bestie doe, but only with the person we both dislike. we were besties since preschool. ill get downvoted but oh please dont act like you didnt do this too
Riley Quinn 2 years ago
I have to admit, when I do speak of others, i.e. gossip, I honestly don't care if they overhear what I have to say. I only speak ill of those who are bastards.
Maggie Mae 2 years ago
I do Not Care about the Talkers as Much as The Believers who Actually believe their Evil Spewings about me or Others we both Know!
Susan Rand 2 years ago
Ended a friendship that spanned over 40+ years with my supposedly BFF, the list was long but talking about everybody negatively behind their back got to be too damn much for me and had the nerve to respond I should have told her, I DID
#25
Narcissistic behaviour/ manipulation. Doesn’t matter how perfect they are otherwise. Because chances are it’s not actually the real them.
Maggie Mae 2 years ago
Narcissistic People Know exactly What they are doing and Get off on it!!!
Justin Thyme 2 years ago
Another red flag-- being addicted to social media. Put the damn phone DOWN. Only time I answer texts on date is when building afire.
BigCityLady 2 years ago
A narcissistic is their true self. It’s in their DNA, they will never change.
Chexmy Licks/egg🇯🇵 2 years ago
sorry but how does a narcissistic person act? ( trying to learn new words in english lol)
BeepBoop is Lonely (she/they) 2 years ago
here's the actual definition: having an excessive or erotic interest in oneself and one's physical appearance.. So basically a lot of vanity, and commonly comes along with entitlement, arrogance, and huge egos lol. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is an actual medical diagnosis, but it's much more serious and impacts lives a lot more, rather than just narcissistic traits
Load More Replies... #26
Quite a few. Just being rude to people. You can be nice to people in your life,but rude to strangers and I can't stand it.
Michael P (Perthaussieguy) 2 years ago
Having worked in retail in my 20's & 30's I can quite agree with this. Some customers treat you as a servant.
jacqueline 2 years ago
And the other way too, being nice to complete strangers and treating the people in your life like sh*t
DarkGlassSphere 2 years ago
It may be quite opposite. My mom and aunt never saw my grandad smiling. Then they found the photograph from his work. That was the shock. It's the most sore, actually. When strangers much kinder with you, than someone who should.
Maggie Mae 2 years ago
The age old saying That the Customer is ALWAYS RIGHT is absolute BS!!! Had several Businesses and Always put up Signs Saying Customers are NOT ALWAYS RIGHT so my staff Had a Recoarse to Deal with Rudeness Splendidly!!
#27
Addiction.
As a recovering alcoholic, that's no way to live.
Shyla Bouche 2 years ago
It's too late for me. I read that as abduction. In my defense, I was watching X-Files earlier.
Tamra 2 years ago
This is a tough one. It's a living nightmare for everyone involved - watching someone you love slowly kill themselves and disappear into the abyss, and the addicted living with the guilt and shame that come with addiction, and losing every good thing in their lives. It's just incredibly hard for everyone involved.
Patrick Linnen 2 years ago
So you think that your loved ones should have cut you out of their lives while you were addicted? For your own good? One does not need to be enabling to be supportive, and 'tough love' is certainly not support.
Terran 2 years ago
Dude said they are a former alcoholic, so for them an addiction is a red flag and i fully understand that. I know some addicts and from a medical perspective I am an alcoholic, so I know a bit about how addicts think and act and OP might fear they relapse, if they are in a relationship with an addict. If friends and family members have trouble with addiction you can pull yourself out of it and invest as much energy as you savely can, but with a SO it's so much more complicated.
Load More Replies... Caliban Taylor 2 years ago
This should really be adjusted to “active addiction” because there are many of us who understand that regardless of how long it’s been since we’ve used we are always addicts.
Tamra 2 years ago
Ah, bless you for trying. But you do have the right to protect yourself from that pain and have a happy life. Sometimes an addict has to lose everything before they're ready to get help.
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BeepBoop is Lonely (she/they) 2 years ago
great question honestly and I have no idea. I mean probably someone who doesn't understand wouldn't do so well with helping you through it and getting you help, over someone who does understand will probably help more
Load More Replies... Luther Kozhevnikov 2 years ago
I'd say addiction combined with the refusal to admit it's a problem. If they're truly, genuinely trying to recover, then I don't see a problem
Riley Quinn 2 years ago
There are a few alcoholics and a couple drug addicts in the building that I avoid. Just easier that way.
Maggie Mae 2 years ago
Easier Said than Stopped. It is a Horrible Path each Follower must choose to get off of Alone or Die because of it! There Should be Hospital solely for Addictions of either Drugs or Alcohol where they can Receive the Help they Need instead of just being shunted out onto the streets because they use everything they have to get HIGH!!
#28
Finding out they want something like kids several months down the road, when in the beginning they swore not wanting any and you're concrete in not wanting any.
Like, I'm not changing my mind so make up yours and stop wasting my time and effort.
Vinchenski 2 years ago
I think people are allowed to change their mind... If it's dishonesty, then yeah, shame on them. If they have spent some time with their niece/nephew (for example), and decide they actually do, that's a different story.
Becky Wilson 2 years ago (edited)
That happened to me....12 years into a relationship when suddenly he wanted to get married. I had wanted to get married but he always said he didn't. So he engaged, I said yes, then he said "you have to have kids. I want lots. 12 of them". Broke my heart but had to break it off. Edit to add: I told him from day 1 that I didn't want kids.
Laura Kaye 2 years ago
The exact opposite happened with me.... I was up front day one that I wanted kids and he said he was open to having more kids. I gave him a timeline and everything. Then the timeline came and went, he did NOT want to have sexual relations and he finally admitted he just didn't want anymore kids and knew I had been off the birth control for a while...
Featherking 2 years ago
Yeah - one of the few things you can’t compromise with. One or the other will be unhappy.
Rodney McKay 2 years ago
For men, get a vasectomy—that's a reasonably-clear statement of your intentions (though, I've been surprised by how many partners thought they might "change my mind"). Plus, it's the one get-rich-quick scheme that actually works.
Riley Quinn 2 years ago
Nah, there are certain facts that should come out early in a relationship. No one needs the surprise of finding out you're pregnant or you have warrants or tremendous debt.
Ambry Petersen 2 years ago
Or promising they want kids to impress you and then going back on that.
#29
Smoking (Sorry, but kissing a smoker is absolutely gross.)
David Fox 2 years ago
Not a red flag really, people have vices/habits. I quit smoking but I don't judge others for it.
JoMeBee 2 years ago
I judge the smokers who complain that they're broke... And I judge anyone whose smoking near kids, building entrances, in front of my house, the car near me when I'm stuck in traffic, the one on the sidewalk, upwind at the beach... Ok, I judge smokers! (I had many years of allergy shots before smoking became banned in most public spaces...)
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François Bouzigues 2 years ago
Someone actively engaging in an expensive habit that is also extremely bad for their health and anyone near them. Yeah, hard pass. Let´s rephrase. "I spend close to 4000€ a year and a month-time a year actively damaging several of my organs, how do you feel about it ?" This is someone smoking one pack a day.
Beverly Lodge 2 years ago
Took 8 tries, but I finally quit smoking 6 years ago after 25 years of smoking - sure, yes for my health and all that but honestly it was because I absolutely would not date a smoker and I realized I was severely curtailing my possible dating options lol! Now with a great guy - who doesn't smoke ☺️👍
François Bouzigues 2 years ago
Whatever the reason is, good for you, good for the planet. Well done and keep going.
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Tania Minhas 2 years ago
It sounds quite superficial to call a bad and unhealthy habit a red flag. If the love of my life would smoke I'd rather stand the smell than losing my beloved soulmate.
Boops 2 years ago
Not necessarily. My uncle smokes but he is such a good father to my cousins and a great husband for my aunt. He smokes but smoking doesn't change the fact he's still my funny, loving, caring and compassionate uncle.
François Bouzigues 2 years ago (edited)
Smoking does not make one a bad person. It is just so obviously bad that i would not consider having someone self destructive as a partner. But yes, smokers can be awesome people of course.
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day light 2 years ago
I broke up with my ex because he decided to pick up smoking even after I'd repeatedly told him to never get involved with it since he's very prone to addiction... "all my friends stopped smoking and now I'm the only one and I can't stop!!!" oh yeah? maybe you should've oh, I don't know, listened to your partner?
#30
Lack of communication.
iBlank 2 years ago
Problems with communication is extremely common, and perfectly natural. But, if someone isn't willing to try to overcome those issues, it is time to walk.
BigCityLady 2 years ago (edited)
It becomes an issue when we allow outside factors to take control. We need to express ourselves in an open environment and make the time to communicate however often the each person needs wants to talk, and respect these wishes in a timely manner. It’s a two way street as well and we have to make time to do it, no matter what. IF you cannot make progress, there are tools out there to conquer them, therapy. But both parties have to be willingly to do the work, and if they aren’t, then it’s time to walk.
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Stolas 2 years ago
i’m autistic so um no sometimes this is just due to a disability and needs to be addressed directly
jesse galic 2 years ago
Ya I have dislexia and sometimes hard to communicate so I get a red flag for this ?
Load More Replies... Riley Quinn 2 years ago
There is no communication when one of you is a gaslighting, manipulative liar - no matter how many couple counseling sessions you attend. Just had to get that out.
Helen Taylor 2 years ago
Problems with communication, particularly early in a relationship are quite common and normal. The issue is, are you both willing to work on it and learn to communicate.
Rockabettie 2 years ago
Comprehension and communication, go hand in hand. You can communicate all you want. If the other person does not understand and take action. Cycle continues.
Ray Arani 2 years ago (edited)
This!!! My ex would go weeks or months refusing to talk about what was bothering her. I would literally beg her to talk to me instead of giving me the silent treatment or being highly passive aggressive. We were stuck together because of our circumstances during the pandemic. When she'd finally break down and talk to me, sometimes it would have nothing to do with me, issues with her family or whatever, and so I got treated like c**p for weeks and she wasn't even mad at me??? And when it did have to do with me/us, she waits until the worst possible moment to have a massive fit, and winds up saying things she later tried to roll back but it was far too late. I was done and swore off anyone who couldn't demonstrate willing communication for a long period of time before the relationship gets serious.
#31
The whole game mentality and trying to find things to be upset about so the other person has to make it up to you. Been with a few women who would try to make me feel guilty over nothing or just simple things like: Me: Hey, sorry, I have to work tonight since my major project is due tomorrow, can we get together tomorrow for dinner? Her: Oh, so what, you love your work more than you love me?! Me: No, I HAVE to work (this is the first reschedule in months). Maybe I can make it up to you tomorrow? Her: Yea, youll have to I guess... Me: *feels bed like Im a bad person and a bad partner, when it is a simple 1 day reschedule for a basic date* Like this s**t was exhausting and constant. Then for weeks after its brought up like it was a huge issue in our relationship and I still "owe" her something. I was getting a brand new car which was my dream car, and was so excited, that when I spoke about it, my ex said "sounds like you like the car more than me..." and got moody. Like cant you just be happy with me?
Suzy Creamcheese 2 years ago
It is. Very. But you might be surprised at how common it is.
Load More Replies... Suzy Creamcheese 2 years ago
My ex once told me, "You love your guitar more than you love me." I replied, "I've had it longer than I've had you." ;-)
Rider (any pronouns) 2 years ago
This is abuse. They are manipulating using guilt, shame, and blame. RUN!
#32
How they treat people in the service industry/hospitality. You can be the sweetest most caring woman I’ve ever met in my life that genuinely wants me to be better and is interested in my life and growing together as partners BUT the second they treat someone who may be serving us food or checking us into a hotel or restaurant and treat them like s**t for no reason, then it’s time to take my toast elsewhere.
#33
My first serious girlfriend went on a three year campaign to change everything about me she could.
I started seeing a girl, beautiful, ambitious, came from money, our families had a long but good history together. About six weeks in its getting serious. She's talking about getting her dad to buy her/build her a location she can start a business near where I live and I'm a struggling video producer.
I asked her flat out, "What makes this work for you? You've got these things going for you and I have months I struggle to pay bills."
"You got a few problems but I think I can change you."
Punched out on that relationship a few days later.
Rahul Pawa 2 years ago
She wanted a project she could fix, like a knight in shining armor saving the damsel in distress. I have a bit of that in me as well. I'm attracted to broken women so that I can fix them and then they'll be indebted to me forever, and so will never leave me. It's a way of "earning" love from another person, which implies that I'm naturally not worthy of love. It's really sick thinking that I'm trying to change.
D. Pitbull 2 years ago
Ouch. I guess she never considered "I can HELP you" as an option? Or.... "I see an admirable goal and I'm in a position to work TOGETHER with you and support you"? Or... geezus... anything except a phrase that says "Yeah, I can change you into a different person" - okay... sorry, what.
#34
Lack of empathy, impatient, selfish, to name a few.
Ken_Jane 2 years ago
I had a conversation with a roommate once. We were high and tipsy and talking about how we want to make enough money to help alleviate social ills such as homeless. Next day (not even 24 hours later) we're out getting food and there's this teen boy who she assumed appeared homeless. With a disgusted voice she asked "what is he doing here?" He was buying food. The boy was just buying food. The lease only ends in a couple of months.
#35
"Have you ever considered an open relationship" Nope, goodbye.
Diolla 2 years ago
Do not agree with this one. If you're not into that, OK. But it's not a red flag per se, it does not make someone a bad person.
Aiw Aiwou 2 years ago
Not a bad person but unsuitable for traditional relationship, so yeah, it's a red flag for those looking for traditional relationship
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Dazzler 2 years ago
Open relationships might not be for everybody and I totally respect that. However, there's nothing wrong with consenting adults communicating with each other and setting up non-traditional relationships that fit their needs. Not everybody dates to marry, not everybody wants commitment and monogamy. You may not understand other people's choices but you don't have to in order to respect it. Live and let live.
aZZy_d3Lta (they/star/bun) 2 years ago
I asked my S/O this because I'm polyamorous- (they said yes btw)
Rider (any pronouns) 2 years ago (edited)
Double standards in open relationships. Double standards of any kind.
jacqueline 2 years ago
Yea sure, let me open this door for you and let you and this relationship out, thanks
aZZy_d3Lta (they/star/bun) 2 years ago
im polyamorous and my s/o is ambiamorous, we have an open relationship, is that bad?
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#36
Arrogance.
Satan 2 years ago
This is gonna sound bad for me, but the way I learnt that arrogance was bad, was through Anakin Skywalker in Revenge of The Sith.
Edward Teague 2 years ago
Doesn't matter as much /where/ you learned it, because you still learned it
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Michael Largey 2 years ago
Arrogance is knowing things will go your way. Confidence is knowing you'll be ok even if they don't.
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#37
- Lack of basic hygiene - Lack of basic skills (how to do laundry, cook simple meals, etc)
Jeya Mackelle 2 years ago
Nothing more pathetic and useless than a grown, full functioning man who can't take care of his basic needs. If I ever find out the man I'm dating is one of those "you weren't here so I starved or I only ate takeout and my underwear needs to be scrubbed," I'm out. I will teach you if you really don't know how, but I'm a grown a*s adult with life skills. I plan on surviving the zombie apocalypse, not dying mothering your worthless a*s.
Tracy Wallick 2 years ago (edited)
The only thing worse than a lack of basic skills, is that they have them but expect their partner to do everything, something that's disgustingly common of many men in heterosexual relationships.
#38
Being domineering and controlling. Just absolutely f*****g no.
#39
Disliking dogs (or animals in general).
ADJ 2 years ago
As a general principle this is a real good measure. But there are cases in which it may not be so clear. I have a neigbour, otherwise very good and kind person, who does not like dogs because she was attacked and bitten by a dog when she was a child. So before you judge, check for the specific reason.
Susan Green 2 years ago
I think there’s a difference between being afraid of dogs and just plain disliking them. I wouldn’t fault someone if they were scared of dogs.
Load More Replies... Alexia 2 years ago (edited)
Careful with this one. People may have asthma, severe allergies to animal hair or feathers (or feather dust) or a past traumatic event that makes them feel unsafe in the presence of a dog (or another animal).
Duckie Measles 2 years ago
Fear is totally understandable. Hatred is unacceptable. I fear owls and other large birds of prey, but I would never wish them harm.
Load More Replies... SadieCat17 2 years ago (edited)
I don't really *hate* dogs but they have way too much energy for me and get exhausting so quickly. I much prefer my quiet, gentle cats but I'm not really a terrible person (in my amazing definitely unbiased opinion, I just have the soul of a 70 year old. Also they slobber and lick which hurts my little semi-germaphobic self. I think it really just depends on why they don't like dogs in combination with other personality traits. I have no urge to hurt dogs though because that's f****d up. THAT certainly is a big red flag.
Vasana Phong 2 years ago
I think the wording itself ( dislike or hate) if reasoning is due to an attack that causes trauma, more like I’m scared of them, but just like humans you can’t judge that one race because of that one bad incident
Rodney McKay 2 years ago
I don't dislike dogs, but rather the fact that they (like kids) steal a humongous amount of freedom from your life.
Tams21 2 years ago (edited)
I never grew up with pets and a barking dog will often make me quite scared. I have no problem with dogs or animals as such but I will often avoid them for that reason and I'm sure that has been interpreted as a dislike in the past. If that's a red flag for people the so be it but I do wish that people would ask themselves why someone isn't comfortable with animals before judging.
Lama 2 years ago
I can totally see this as a personal deal-breaker, you love dogs, they don't, might not work. But I really don't believe it will tell you a lot about the rest of their personality, definitely not up to the point where you would consider it a red flag. Seems purely a compatibility issue to me.
#40
Getting upset at every little thing. Like don't get me wrong, I understand some people are a bit sensitive or emotional, but you can't be asking for communication and then get upset at everything I say.
D. Pitbull 2 years ago
Yeah... don't start demanding things then getting upset when you get the thing but it's not matching what you'd made up in your head.
Not a panda just a koala 2 years ago
I did this for a long time. And realized it was about controlling things you can not control and also thinking that an argument needs to be won. Thx mom and dad. Took a lot of therapy
Load More Replies... #41
Over the top solipsism. That "I don't perceive it that way, so it cannot be true" mentality.
chilledkitkat replied:
When I meet someone like that it reminds me of playing peek-a-boo with a baby and exploiting their lack of object permanence.
D. Pitbull 2 years ago
I don't perceive it that way so it can't be true... oh my GAWD the number of people who are like this... is depressingly surprising. I know more than once someone has said something like this and I had to pause for a moment ... because I honestly thought they were kidding - as in "You've lived to adult age... you ARE joking, right? You canNOT be this stupid and... oh my gawd you are."
Yeeters 2 years ago
i deal with perception issues on daily basis, but it's a bit different. I have senses that are more...well, sensitive, than the rest of my family. Result is that i smell something and they do not. I hear a thing, they do not. It's gotten to the point where i was certain i must be hallucinating, because how else is this possible. Turns out my senses are just special hah. I am aware of my perception being off and as such i question my reality and my sanity each and every damn day. After all, who's there to tell me that the sound really did happen?
#42
Not lack of knowledge but lack of open-mindedness to new ideas and cultures. Lots of people who work against generational teachings of subliminal prejudice do a lot of work but cut ethical corners. It's not about being good or bad, being right or wrong, or holding an opinion. But just generally being humble enough to approach something without assuming or having a stance before a full mental image is formed.
#43
If they take more than 7 selfies a day... it's oddly specific in a number of ways but I find it says a lot about one's character.
Tucker Cahooter 2 years ago
Unless you are taking a selfie of yourself standing next to the King of England I can't see the point. I don't need my ugly mug inserted into a snapshot of a tourist attraction as somehow giving credence to me being there
Elio 2 years ago
Do people take selfies with Charles III? Inquiring minds want to know.
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PotatoNinja5000 2 years ago
If it's a general thing, maybe. If it's for a specific hobby though (makeup artist, cosplay, etc), it's acceptable. If it's a dealbreaker that your potential partner can't have certain hobbies, that's a red flag in itself.
Rodney McKay 2 years ago
Just take normal photos, then Photoshop yourself into any that you think need selfies. Way more versatile, and makes you a lot less annoying to people around you.
#44
Malice. If they lie, it's usually because of trauma and trust issues. They fear the consequences of being honest. I can work with that. If they cheat, again they don't feel like they can trust me to talk about desires and kinks. I negate both of these by making sure we can say anything and we can talk about anything. A fling it's one thing. People have their own goals and desires, so long as we both have the same freedoms and understandings, we're good. Malice however it's different. Their goal is to cause misery to others, manipulate others for their own gain or even just ruin the lives of others. When someone is malicious, you're not a person to them but just a thing to use. There's no value of growth or partnership. There are people who seem to be straight up wicked beings that want nothing more than to harm others for one reason or another. You can't trust that. You can't work with people like that. They'll use you then blame you for trusting them.
#45
Hoarding. I just can’t handle the whole illness on a day to day. I’m not strong enough. It’s a huge red flag and hard pass.
Kel_how 2 years ago
It becomes a health and safety hazard. I can't count the number of times I helped my mom clean out my grandmother's house for it to be 10x worse months later.
Wicked Moon216 2 years ago
As someone with ADHD, I absolutely could not deal with it. I can't even watch the tv shows about it. I understand it is part of a mental illness, and I myself have had problems with depression, but I absolutely can't do hoarding.
Load More Replies... #46
Doesn’t see his kid.
Jeya Mackelle 2 years ago
There's no reason to get offended. Don't try and turn this into a "whatsboutism" moment. Remember to ejaculate responsibly!
Load More Replies... #47
How they handle conflict and disagreement.
Black Cat 2 years ago
Yes like when they start belittling you if you don't agree with them or try to shut you down if they don't agree with you without even considering an alternate point of view.
Rahul Pawa 2 years ago
Or storming out of the room to avoid hearing what you have to say.
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Julius Zuke 2 years ago
If you seriously are meant for each other, there will be compromises and minor disagreements. Major conflicts and disagreements, especially early on in a relationship, do not bode well.
#48
When they simply can't speak to you in a respectful way. And I'm not talking about RESPECT I'm talking about they just say hateful, impatient, rude stuff to you seemingly because they think that's what you deserve.
#49
Nowadays for me the lack of a stable job or other clear way to support themselves. A student in college living off loans is fine if they have a clear career path thought out. Somebody on their third job this year because every shift lead they’ve had was supposedly a b***h has some stuff to work out before they should be dating.
#50
1) Being strongly conservative. It sucks, because goddamn do I love cowboys, but every time I've tried it our values are just too opposing and it ends with them mocking my thoughts/beliefs. 2) Becoming too attached/committed too quickly. Learned that the hard way - it isn't sincere overwhelming love, it's a manipulation tactic. Last ex remodeled a wing in his house just for me to use after 6 weeks of dating, and I seriously felt like I was Belle in Beauty and the Beast. It...didn't turn out well. 3) Focusing too much on my finances. I have a graduate degree and a financially comfortable job, which I'm proud of. I still had guys that wanted me to "prove" I wasn't a gold digger by making me pay for everything I wanted, even if it was to benefit us mutually. Vacations, home repairs, holiday gifts for both our families, cars, whatever. Turns out I was the diggee, not the digger. I agree with sharing expenses, but when my ex wanted to skip a wedding and have my dad "cut him a check" for the wedding fund my parents saved for me, I knew I was played.
#51
Any personality switch - sign of love bombing.
#53
When my ex gf would talk about her ex as if she wished things would have worked out.
Rahul Pawa 2 years ago
Omg I missed that one early on, then guess who she went to when things got difficult. Made me realize I was never the guy she wanted. I was the guy she settled for.
SadieCat17 2 years ago (edited)
Please don't downvote me, but I accidentally did this and I still feel so bad. We're still friends which is good but I definitely hurt him. It had been a full year since I left my ex and I thought that I was ok to date again, but all l I could think about was how he wasn't like her. If you do this intentionally, absolutely f**k you because people aren't toys to make you feel better. I'm taking time off to work on myself because it's my responsibility to be better for other people, not other people's responsibility to deal with me.
#55
Any previous infidelity. Once a cheater there is a large potential for them to repeat it. Also, being unwilling to spend money on me from time to time (covering dates or whatever). Gold diggers are a huge red flag.
Ross “Sarcastic Dad” 2 years ago
Fair point. If someone cheated when they were 18 and now you're dating them in their 30s, it could have been they learned from the situation. If they cheated on their (now) ex-wife 2 years ago? Yeah, they're going to cheat again.
Load More Replies... Tim 2 years ago
I've often wondered about these kinds of comments. Do they sincerely believe that someone who has cheated once no longer deserves a relationship?
SadieCat17 2 years ago
No one "deserves" a relationship. I'm not saying that past cheaters should be permanently shunned, but it's their responsibility to deal with the consequences of their actions and their responsibility to improve themselves.
Load More Replies... #56
cheating
disrespect towards me
disrespect towards others
disloyalty
#57
Degradation. I don't care if it's in your nature to be the kind of comedian that always puts me at the butt of jokes or if you think it's sexy to emasculate me in bed, that is just a gateway to being a real d******d to me because I'm letting you get away with so much and there is no going back once I've let you have a few. I've had friends like this as well, had is the keyword.
#58
Using ultimatums to get their way. "You have to choose between ____ and me" "If you don't like me doing ____ then maybe this relationship isn't working" "I don't like it when you ____, stop it or I'll dump you" It doesn't matter what the blanks are, it doesn't even matter if she's 100% right with her ultimatums, this type of behavior is an immediate no-go.
Suzy Creamcheese 2 years ago
I've found that as a general rule, the people who talk the most about their own boundaries are the least likely to respect yours.
Load More Replies... Kare Deter 2 years ago
My ex husband once told me (2 weeks into our marriage) "if you say that again I'll divorce you" My response "If you mention that word again when we have a disagreement, you'll get your wish". My horrible thing I did? I told him he sounded like his mother LOL. He did. We couldn't have any disagreement without him running to mommy to see how to handle it.
#59
Refusal to talk about certain aspects of their past. If your partner can't be open to you about their life, including their relationship with their parents, their siblings or other family members, or the fact that they may have been in jail/prison in the past, been an addict or alcoholic - walk away. Your partner needs to be open to discussion about things in their past that could affect your life with them.
Marie R. 2 years ago
Imma say I don't agree completely - I suffer from severe PTSD and am open about the general "What happened" - but everything else is too painful for me to talk about, that's something I only speak out about in therapy. Some things are okay to keep to yourself, as long as it doesn't affect the partnership and honest communication
D. Pitbull 2 years ago
I find that talking about my past when someone I'm getting to know asks me is actually a great way to gauge early on whether they're worth your REAL time (ie: psychological/emotional investment of a true friend/partner/etc.) or whether you just tell them good bye (or, if it's necessary for you to keep being employed/to upkeep living conditions - keep them at arm's length and NO MORE.)
Susan Green 2 years ago
True, this comes down to communication and if you don’t have that in a relationship, it won’t work.
#60
Astrology.
Tucker Cahooter 2 years ago
I think astrology is a load of bunkum, and I'm sure my fellow Capricorns would agree with me
Kare Deter 2 years ago
Just considering astrology makes us Cancers crabby
Load More Replies... Starbelly Eleven 2 years ago
I mean, it's fun to read my horoscope but I take it with a grain of salt. It's really just a lark and I wouldn't hold that against anyone.
Tania Minhas 2 years ago
I would not care as long as It is not in an obssesive way. Most people see It like an entertaining thing and don't take It to serious.
Wicked Moon216 2 years ago
It's entertaining, and I can see how it can play into people's personalities, but I think a lot of it is subjective, and life experiences can change people in profound ways.
#61
Lots of exes and all of them being irredeemable people, never any mutual break ups or "I just didn't really feel compatible with them."
#62
Poor money management skills. Like having an income that can support a domestic driving vacation once a year, but then throwing down 4 months rent on an international vacation and putting it on credit cards? I went on a date with a chick, and she was telling me about her 3 week vacation to SE Asia. The flight alone would have been a months rent, let alone all the other costs. Then she drops "I had to max two credit cards, but it was worth it!" I would have stiffed her with the bill after that. Instead I went to the bathroom a short while later, paid my half of the bill, tipped generously, and left. I am not a sugar daddy, I do not want to be a sugar daddy, and money is probably like the 3rd or 4th most important thing to a functioning happy household.
Jill Rhodry 2 years ago
No mention there that she has any expectation at all for him to pay off her credit card. Fine it's not something he would do - me neither - but to her it was worth it. Different values can cause issues to work through but I don't personally see this as a red flag if it's being paid off - or if she's smart transferring the balance to a new card at 0% interest.
Mr Old School Cool 2 years ago
I'm no one’s meal ticket - i am definitely not someone’s travel ticket
Suzy Creamcheese 2 years ago
Money, or the lack of it, is the #1 cause of marital problems and divorce in the US.
#63
Credit Card Debt.
Deborah B 2 years ago
Depends on the debt, and how they're managing it. Credit cards are great for emergencies. If they had an emergency - vet bill, emergency plumber, etc, and paid with a credit card, and are slowly paying it off, that's completely different to constantly increasing debt due to a shopping addiction.
Tams21 2 years ago
In the UK, having credit card debt (and paying it off as required) can actually help a credit score. As long as it's not out of control, I wouldn't have an issue.
Tim 2 years ago
Because they're rating your profitability, not your trustworthiness. If you pay your full balance every month, they aren't making any interest off of you. They like people to make payments, but leave a balance that can accrue interest, which is pure profit for them.
Load More Replies... Wicked Moon216 2 years ago
Sometimes for medical expenses people have no choice. I'm not in any credit card debt, but it could easily happen if you end up having Cancer and you have endless co-pays and extremely expensive medications.
What do you think ?
Diolla 2 years ago
Am missing a major one here. When all their exes are creeps/ idiots/ liars/ whores/ selfish/ etc.. It's never THEIR fault the relationship ended.
Zane Lumagrowl 2 years ago
I like the saying, if you smell dog s**t everywhere you go, then maybe check the bottom of your shoes!
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Sue Lynn Chan 2 years ago
One question for me: Is listening a crime documentary or horror story a red flag as well? I’ve been a big fan of those, yet I’m worried If give off a bad vibe.
D. Pitbull 2 years ago
What? Omg... Forensic Files is one of my favourite shows. Nah, liking to listen to those/watch those things isn't a red flag... talking (seriously) about how you're taking NOTES and practicing body disposal (and that's not your profession) ... yeah, maybe you don't wanna do that...
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Amanda 2 years ago
Anyone who has spent their adult life going from relationship to relationship without spending any real time being single
Cori 2 years ago
I was guilty of this until I spent 5 years single/ celibate after my divorce. There was no time to date. Right or wrong, I was just disgusted with men in general. It was more important that I focus on my kids. There were just so many reasons. It turned out to be SO good for me though. Now, if I'm with someone, it's a want to rather than a need to. It might sound like semantics, but it really is so different.
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Randy Sanders 2 years ago
When observing red flags, be sure to count the ones attached to you.
Iridian 2 years ago (edited)
These are all good examples of red flags, but really, it seems like people didn't quite understand the question, because these are not the kind of red flags that would just pop up all by themselves. These examples are more like "cluster red flags" rather than a decent person who has given you tons of green lights but who might give you just the one red one (like the question). For instance (and take any one of the examples), if someone is cruel to animals, they are most likely NOT going to be giving many green signs at all and will be more likely to give multiple other red flags listed here.
Caitlyn Ewing 2 years ago
I agree. No one seemed to mention anything about someone being a one-upper. That's easy to sniff out just by the first conversation.
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Nikki Sevven 2 years ago
A few that I'd add... Doesn't respect your boundaries. Thinks "I'm sorry you feel that way" is a valid apology and/or continues the same behavior for which they've apologized. Hates being alone (they likely lack the level of self-reflection required for self-improvement). Tells you your interests are stupid or a waste of time. Can't communicate issues like a grown a*s adult, but instigates drama instead (screaming arguments, the silent treatment, passive-aggressive behavior).
Diolla 2 years ago
Am missing a major one here. When all their exes are creeps/ idiots/ liars/ whores/ selfish/ etc.. It's never THEIR fault the relationship ended.
Zane Lumagrowl 2 years ago
I like the saying, if you smell dog s**t everywhere you go, then maybe check the bottom of your shoes!
Load More Replies... Sue Lynn Chan 2 years ago
One question for me: Is listening a crime documentary or horror story a red flag as well? I’ve been a big fan of those, yet I’m worried If give off a bad vibe.
D. Pitbull 2 years ago
What? Omg... Forensic Files is one of my favourite shows. Nah, liking to listen to those/watch those things isn't a red flag... talking (seriously) about how you're taking NOTES and practicing body disposal (and that's not your profession) ... yeah, maybe you don't wanna do that...
Load More Replies... Amanda 2 years ago
Anyone who has spent their adult life going from relationship to relationship without spending any real time being single
Cori 2 years ago
I was guilty of this until I spent 5 years single/ celibate after my divorce. There was no time to date. Right or wrong, I was just disgusted with men in general. It was more important that I focus on my kids. There were just so many reasons. It turned out to be SO good for me though. Now, if I'm with someone, it's a want to rather than a need to. It might sound like semantics, but it really is so different.
Load More Replies... Randy Sanders 2 years ago
When observing red flags, be sure to count the ones attached to you.
Iridian 2 years ago (edited)
These are all good examples of red flags, but really, it seems like people didn't quite understand the question, because these are not the kind of red flags that would just pop up all by themselves. These examples are more like "cluster red flags" rather than a decent person who has given you tons of green lights but who might give you just the one red one (like the question). For instance (and take any one of the examples), if someone is cruel to animals, they are most likely NOT going to be giving many green signs at all and will be more likely to give multiple other red flags listed here.
Caitlyn Ewing 2 years ago
I agree. No one seemed to mention anything about someone being a one-upper. That's easy to sniff out just by the first conversation.
Load More Replies... Nikki Sevven 2 years ago
A few that I'd add... Doesn't respect your boundaries. Thinks "I'm sorry you feel that way" is a valid apology and/or continues the same behavior for which they've apologized. Hates being alone (they likely lack the level of self-reflection required for self-improvement). Tells you your interests are stupid or a waste of time. Can't communicate issues like a grown a*s adult, but instigates drama instead (screaming arguments, the silent treatment, passive-aggressive behavior).
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