These 50 Ridiculous Tweets Might Either Make You Laugh Or Lose Faith In Humanity (New Pics)
Some internet posts and pics are so good that they escape the confines of just one social network. They go viral and spread across different social media platforms, making people laugh wherever they end up.
‘Really Dumb Tweets’ is a very popular account over on Instagram that shares some of the wittiest, weirdest, and most relatable things that were posted on X (formerly Twitter). We’ve collected some of the most recent funniest pics to give you a good laugh. So, keep scrolling if you’re in the mood for humor.
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Ring his manager & tell them what good service you received. It makes their day.
It genuinely does! I handle all the customer reviews for my company - it absolutely makes an employee’s day when I come to them and show them a good review that mentions them. They always have a big ol grin ☺️
Load More Replies...I love this story, but so far none of these are matching the title of this BP?!
it's the small things. pay it forward and write a glowing review of him and his service to his managers
Awwww see costs nothing to be u like kind does it ! n yup tell his manager how lovely n helpful he is x
Adults should be banned from children's activities, especially (team) sports.
There are bound to be cultural differences between social media networks, as well as groups and accounts on those networks themselves. There’s always been a pretty substantial difference between Instagram and Twitter. However, since the latter has been rebranded as X, those differences are, arguably, more pronounced than ever.
On the one hand, you have Instagram, which has a massive focus on visual and aesthetic content like photos and videos. On the other hand, you have X, which is much more text-based, even if it’s full of pics and clips as well. X is, arguably, much more fast-paced and focused on news (especially breaking news stories), current events, and political and social commentary.
Though, of course, you’ll find plenty of memes and lighthearted content on X, too, just like you’d find commentary on current events on Instagram as well.
People skills are so important in medicine. Good bedside manner should be a course on the medical curriculum
There are people who became doctors because it's what their parents wanted. And I don't think that's a good reason to become a Doctor.
Load More Replies...I gave a small dog an 'indestructible' dog toy. 15 minutes later, she's watching nervously as I sewed the 'guts' back into the belly. That stitched belly was the last piece to be dismantled. What I lacked in sewing skills I made up for with determination.
had a vet asst take care of my 4 yr old grandkid's stuffed horse--apparently he stumbled & hurt one of his feet/legs. this was done before she even checked out MY pet--grandkid just totally took over my appt! we were ALL smiling when the appt was done. dang kids are too friggin' cute sometimes
This is the only type of flex I wanna hear/read! Not something about your followers count or that time you drank 15 beers in 30 minutes in college!!!
For real, I almost teared up reading this 🥹 the anti-intellectualism that seems to be even more prevalent these days is so sad. My coworkers the other day were having a bragging contest about who hadn’t read a book in the longest. The guy who won claimed he’d actually never read a full book before. I have no idea why that’s cool - like there are so many things he won’t know and perspectives he won’t consider and common-sense things he won’t understand
Load More Replies...A = 4.0 (highest), B = 3.0, C = 2.0, D = 1.0, F = 0.0 lowest).
Load More Replies...Engineering school is like fighting. Sometimes it's not about who's better at it, but who can be hit more times and still get up. I mean, Rocky wasn't a great boxer. He was good, but his real strength came from being able to be hit, over and over, and still come back swinging.
That is wonderful advice. I hope you have inspired students everywhere!
P(asses)s get degrees! Not sure how it is in America, but as long as you are ultimately getting enough to pass a unit, you can pass your course. In fact, I failed a subject (because of attendance!) and just did it the year after and passed.
Cat is not unemployed. It has a position in the field of domestic management.
His cat is also made of 14 billion year old stardust. Just saying.
A recent Pew Research Center survey that looked at how Americans get their news found that half of adults in the United States say that they get theirs from social media in general.
That being said, major platforms like TikTok, X, Facebook, and Instagram differ in their structure, content, as well as culture. So, the ways that people encounter news there can vary a lot.
"I'm a homophobic piece of s**t" - if THAT'S what you consider your plus side, how s****y is the rest of you?
What ‘rest of him’? Do people need… other things?? /j
Load More Replies...😂😂😂😂😂😂😂IN YOUR FACE U HOMOPHOBIC AH 😂😂 as chat up lines go lol that is one of the worst I’ve ever heard n that over 60 yrs is saying something 😂🤦♀️
Sounds like he did not want to wind up in a real life "Dinner with Schmucks" scenario. I mean doing the movie was bad enough.
Is it a bad movie? My bf and I have a list of stupid background movies to put on while we have Lego/warhammer painting nights and Dinner for Schmucks is next on our list 😂 we’re fine with bad movies because we love to hate watch hahaha
Load More Replies...I can't find any proof of this actually having happened, besides this one tweet. I did find another auction for a dinner with three actors from The Office including Carrell, but it was an online auction.
I don't know what to think about that. If Carrell agreed to the arrangement, he probably shouldn't have done that. Instead, he could just donate the money without theatrics like that. If you don't want to go to dinner with a stranger then do not agree to that.
As a fat guy, I think this take misses the point. Sure, companies don’t charge less because they want to maintain profit, but using more fabric does increase production costs. So even if the price is the same, they’re making a similar profit margin. I’m not saying it’s fair—just that there is a logical explanation behind it.
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Load More Replies...If I didn't buy it because it was more expensive I'd be walking around naked. Although it's gotten a lot better than when I was younger. Lots more choices of places to shop.
they will never lower the price for something small because they know they can get away with charging the same as medium. That doesn't mean they aren't having to spend more to make something larger.
it's 100% typical, like fat people on planes. Gimme a break
Load More Replies...Perhaps the xl sizes are priced normally and the medium and small are reduced! 🤪
According to the survey, X and Facebook users are most likely to see news articles on the platforms (79% and 74% respectively, according to social media users), compared to TikTok (57%) and Instagram (52%).
Generally, younger users are more likely to see breaking news-related info.
Yeah, but unless she dies before the credits run out, she will still need to learn how to do it. They are just delaying the problem. Hopefully the delay will give them enough time to grieve, then figure out how to pay the bills before the credits run out.
Load More Replies...This is one of he sweetest things I’ve ever read. What an incredible man.
My FIL passed recently and my MIL has no clue what to do about anything. She's never paid a bill or had to call for any kind of service. She is completely helpless. It's taken great effort from my husband and SIL to deal with it all.
I fear my mother is going to be like that if my dad happens to pass before her. They've been married for 55 years now and I doubt she's ever paid a bill in all that time. Knowing him he'll have made arrangements though.
Load More Replies...Dont know how i feel about this. People should know how to do basic life skills.
I'm sure she knows how to pay bills but he wanted to take care of her
Load More Replies...OMG...how thoughtful and awesome he was! I'm guessing he was terminal & did like the rest of us should do--PREPARE
I'm so sorry for loss. ✨Bless your dad's huge, loving, thoughtful heart! 👏🏼🙏🏼
Adorable! Yep they're people too. (And better than most humans IMHO)
Can the 3 year old have a pet now? I know she's young for responsibility but it would be nice if she could choose and then they grow up together.
It doesnt take a village - it just takes parents who give a d**n
Load More Replies...I love that random women, who share a common goal, can become sisters, a tribe. Kudos to you!
Indeed! Reminiscent of the 'good old days'. I use 'good' VERY loosely. 😉🤦🏼♀️
My sister has already volunteered to take my (as yet non-existent) children to places like theme parks because I don't like that sort of thing. Also my whole family follows football except me, so they can take them to games too :)
While X news consumers are most likely to say that they got their news from outlets or journalists (80%), the situation on other platforms is very different.
Far fewer users said they get their news from outlets or journalists on Facebook (68%), TikTok (67%) and Instagram (65%). TikTok news consumers are the most likely to get their news from influencers and celebrities, followed by Instagram users.
Rest of the family replied "really dad?!" and definitely face palmed, when the server left.
Read recently about a dude who blew a "hole" in his throat by stifling a sneeze. Crazy weird injury! Google it.
I’ve read about that too!! Terrifying what the human body can do to itself 😅
Load More Replies...Why would people glare if you sneeze? As long as you cover your nose and mouth….🤷🏻♀️
Depends when these tweet was tweetered - I remember being terrified to even clear my throat in public in 2020 😂😅
Load More Replies...Hilarious. Yep, you should, if you don't already, WRITE, consider stand up, somethin'! 👌🏼👏🏼👍🏼
It's primary function is as the delivery tool of ice cream from the bowl to my mouth.
Spoons are also for Kheer, Arroz Con Keche, Custard, Pudding, Ice Cream, Jello, Pie Ala Mode, Yogurt, Curry, Stew, Stirring Coffee, Tea, Cocoa, etc., the list goes on. Saying a Spoon's only objective is for Soup, is definitely limiting its career options. That is like saying a Firefighter is only good for Firefighting!
Which functioning adult puts a flat spoon under a stream of water and then complains when it goes everywhere?!
I use forks for soup instead of spoons> I think they work better and I wrote a comedic open letter about it in my college English class. I called it "To those who eat soup with a spoon, I raise to you the dinner fork." It's a rather funny read if I do say so myself.
The Pew Research Center survey found that Democratic news consumers are more likely to get their news from advocacy or nonprofit organizations than Republicans.
Furthermore, Democrats tend to be more skeptical of information found on X, while Republicans are more skeptical of information found on Facebook.
It's a street in NYC. Spelled the same as the city but pronounced HOW-ston. Thank you NYPD Blue. 🚓
I know how the city is pronounced, but I don't know how the street is pronounced. "Yew-stun"?
I have no idea where Houston St is but would have pronounced it like Houston Tx.
The GPS lady isn’t always right 😂 I love hearing her say “Gagliardi Way” (we pronounce it like “Gallardy Way” and she prefers to emphasize the “Gag” 😂 “GAG-lee….ardyway” 😂 or Lougheed- we say “low-heed” and she says “LAO-*cough*-heh-heh-d” 🤭😂) shoutout to my bc lower mainland pandas
Load More Replies...Sounds like our pastor, who named his dog "J.D." Why? Because it's "jest a dawg."
😂😂😂love her lol , like when we that age , I’m sorry but I aim to be her 😂20 yrs to go n counting lol but question is lol does either Houston have a problem 😂sorry
That sounds so wholesome! And it's a perfect memory of your grandad!!
My son was not quite 2 when my Grandfather passed away. I was very close to him & he just loved my son. At the funeral, we went up to pay our respects (open casket) and Josh leaned down, touched my Grandpa's cheek and said "Night, night Grandpa. Love you". Not a dry eye in the house.
He must have been an amazing grandad! I love what he told the nurses - that must be a very special memory for you!
Beautiful tears,... What a guy, granddaughter, relationship. We all should be so lucky 'when'. 👌🏼🙏🏼😎
it might be a natural thing to fight sleep. i don’t, never did, but my bf in high school did and said to our art teacher aloud in creative shop talk time that he wasn’t going to bother with sleeping anymore since it’s a waste of time and the conversation that ensued was amazing about everyone who has ever m******d or done crazy things from lack of sleep. My art teacher might have been a crime buff, or a crime.
Fighting sleep is a psychological response to feeling like you don't have enough time for yourself: if you spend the whole day at school/work and around friends/family, you're likely to stay up late to try and get that quiet, alone time you otherwise can't have. It's not a good idea because the lack of sleep has serious consequences, but it's indeed "natural" as in, you often don't realize you're doing it.
Load More Replies...You can actually make up some sleep debt in a short time period by sleeping a bit extra! I can’t remember how long that grace period is though - after a certain amount of time, like a week or two, you’re not going to be able to make that sleep up and reverse any damage 😅 Google “sleep debt” if you want to learn more, I’m just talking off the top of my head here!
Yes! NOT being able to makeup sleep is the real myth.
Load More Replies...I could party for days and nights on end in my youth. Now, I'm convinced I was stealing sleep from my future and that's why I'm so tired all the time now.
For X users, the news is either a major or minor reason for their use of the platform. Around half of the users said in the survey that they regularly get their news there. Meanwhile, TikTok, Facebook, and Instagram users don’t necessarily use these networks specifically for news.
That being said, all of these four platforms’ users still see news there, “especially through opinion- or humor-based content.”
"This is now, where I live. And, I will die on this hill."
Wow that's so rude!! Personally I would have told her that's extremely rude and I will leave when I'm ready.
Kinda like parking lot hoverers. Always seems to be time to catch up on my eCorrespondence when they come around.
Well what better time is there 😂when I used to drive , haven t in 9 yrs now , but when anyone sat waiting for my space , if they sat patiently, then I,ll move quickly , but if they use the horn just once , I’m like dam dropped me keys on bugger phones ringing , n any other excuse I can think off , r if they keep hooting I suddenly remembered s**t I forgot such n which , get back out lock car n walk off 😂no tolerance for rude people me
Load More Replies...Waiting for me to back out of my parking spot while glaring at me, it's time to answer all of the text messages.
This one I don't get. When you're eating, you need time and have no reason to scarf your food up. But if I'm getting into my car to leave, I don't need it any more. It doesn't benefit me to sit there. So, why not just go at normal speed and vacate the spot so someone who does need it can take it? Sitting there and texting just to spite someone is just being a d**k. You're done with the spot, let them have it so you can both get on with your days.
Load More Replies...My parents did that too. When I said okay and walked out without protesting, they remembered they had bought me a tent the previous week. It was set up in the garden with pillows and blankets and everything needed. I would rather sleep in there than go through the hassle of cleaning my room.
I cleaned up my kids' rooms last week. I informed them that I would not do it again until the next birthday (a month away). And that if they were to have a playdate before that time and their room was a mess, they'd have to have the playdate in that messy room. And my 8yo is actually keeping her room tidy! She's very mindful to keep it tidy because (I guess) she realised she likes to have a floor and a clear view of where her toys are. Who knew it would last at least a week!?!?! 🤯
Given I lived out in the sticks on a farm I’d have said fine I,ll go sleep with the cows or the sheep lmao and I did or I’d just go riding ! But yup THIS 😂,however if my step mother n father came over ( i grew up with grandparents ) n step monster would say ok fine i,ll go do it then , first time i said ok second time i was up there tiding it like i was possessed!!! it took me exactly 5 mins to destroy what she tidy cos I couldn’t find NOTHING !! n I used that with my kids when they where younger lol either u do it or im black bagging it , only took once n hiding the bags in the shed lol
My mom would make us sleep on floor and our behinds would be to sore to sit on if we didn’t clean them.
I was born in 1965 n no matter what my grandparents I grew up would tolerate abuse or smacking !m neither do I , I’m sorry you had to endure that x
Load More Replies...In the past I have had car insurance companies quote me a range from about £300 to "we are unable to provide a quote as it would be thousands". All the details being the same so yes, they pull the numbers out of their backsides.
As someone who works in car insurance in the UK...no we dont lol All prices are based on statistics and risk analyses. I work for a company that deal with with 10 different brands all offering different money because of the criteria they have. If 2 companies have the same make and model care and company A has 5 claims in the last 12 months and B has 20 then Company B's price is going to be more. People do forget that they are also businesses and want to make money (im not a capitalist. Im a realist) We sometimes can change the price because its a LIVE market and prices do change, sometimes hourly. Iv had it before where a customer has been paying just short of £1000 a year and when dealing with their renewal Iv checked the same underwriter and they have been cheaper. The amount of people who think its ok to shout and abuse call centre staff over prices they cant control is unreal.
Load More Replies...Same thing happened to me. I told them: "if there was a lower price all along then why are you just telling me about it now?"
Business. You’re supposed to scréw people out of as much money as possible.
Load More Replies...The car insurance in the UK is very expensive compared to other countries, and elsewhere anyone can drive your car (family members, friends), not just you - for no additional cost. For years I was cancelling and taking out new insurance wirh the same company as new customers always got better rates. Then 3rd year noe I am with "H.... direct". Year 2 they dropped the renewal rate. Year 3, just now from June: Last year: £675 Renewal offer: £710 In their email: "Even if prices are rising, we're committed to offering competitive renewal prices. Don't forget - based on the same details, the price of your renewal quote from us will never be more than a quote we offer to a new customer." Did online the quote as new customer for the same cover: £627 I called them, and 15 mintes later I made the payment for £596. So one phone call made £114 difference. Just mind-blowing...
When my home insurance company tried to slide a big hike by me, I told them I would be taking one. Somehow they managed to give me the same coverage for less than I paid the year before.
I've been doing that with my insurance, internet, and phone service for years.
Cancel your insurance and start puttting the premium money in a savings account to pay for what ever the insurance is for. Just be strong enough to leave it alone until it's actually need (and hope it's not)!
Social media can be a great boon for your career if you’re a comedian. For one, you can find a ton of hilarious content online.
“You probably write down or voice memo jokes on your phone every day. Do the same for your social media. Make it a habit to jot down or take photos of things you find funny. Then turn them into tweets and posts. Twitter is a terrific place to work new material and see when your followers hit like. If a joke lands on Twitter, it might also land in your set,” Backstage suggests.
SHE REMEMBERS .. if you don't already know, there was a time here in the USA when women couldn't open their own bank accounts. Sadly, it wasn't all that long ago.
Not a great approach to a relationship. Have an open talk - equal to equal - about what's going to happen because of the increased income from the job. OP may actually be pleased with what she hears from her spouse.
In a world that isn't safe for women, having a private emergency fund is not a bad thing, especially if her husband manages all of the finances. It is about safety and being able to rescue herself.
Load More Replies...I however do not get paid $20M a year to throw interceptions on Sundays.
But even if you suck… you got paid $20m. Just maybe not for many more years… 😅
Load More Replies...Assuming your are rooting for the home team, you probably paid increased property taxes and other BS for the stadium to get built. If you live near the stadium, the traffic alone makes it your team.
Load More Replies...NFL = National football league. The best in the country, not the entire world.
There is no country even remotely close to being able to compete with the US in American football. That's a fact. Maybe if other countries started up serious programs in the sport, they might one day compete, like in basketball. But right now, the US is far and away the best at this sport. I can't say much positive about my country, but that's truth. Now, there is flag football coming to the Olympics, so let's see how other countries do. But I'd bet my house that the US wins big, assuming they get the NFL stars to play.
Load More Replies...Other teams may have better reserve QBs so he probably isn't even in the top 50! Also, this only works for a sport that is played professionally in one country.
I've always found it weird the hype Americans put on sports played primarily in USA the sheer arrogance of calling their championships world series etc
Load More Replies...Each team has multiple qbs and some of the back ups on another team may be better, so he could easily be less than the 32nd best.
I can’t help but be amused by the number of comments and their upvotes about OP not accounting for backup QBs. Against 8B people - even just 340M in the US - the difference between 32 and even 100 does not matter even remotely statistically. What’s silly is to think you can’t evaluate someone’s skill against the relative expectation for their competitive group. But, it’s funny, too, in this case.
The entire reason for sports is exactly so guys like that can say “our quarterback sucks”
C'mon man, I do not even have children, but know that your altar should always be child-proofed!
Mine are older now so being as is I m bedroom I’m safe but when they where little ones I did t even have it out just to be safe lol ,
Load More Replies...She’s not daft is she that 4 yrs old old lass lol
Load More Replies...I’m not a parent but even I know that if your kid insists on an answer to something vague, the answer is “I'll think about it” until you can get more information.
Not if they nagging you you don’t u ignore it once or twice n if ur trying to cook meaning u need to concentrate lol n kids come out with that u do tend to go ok , its not till they out the room u stop n thinks oh s**t what did I just say ok to 😂thank god I had the ghosts to watch em at time 😂n yes REALLY , still do infact but they 21-24 now so all good
Load More Replies..."Can I-" "Yes" *WWE noises, parent walks upstairs* "What are you doing?" "I went to ask if I could do boxing with brother and you said yes" *beat* "I did?" Same idea
Now we need the back story, what did u not hear daddy lmao 🙈😂😂n what did said 4 yrs old do WE NEED TO KNOW !
Meanwhile, you should think about the value you provide to your audience when you post on social media. If you’re overly self-promotional, it can push people away. Instead, you could write short jokes and share them with your followers. Or you could post funny teaser clips from your stand-up shows.
Moreover, it really pays off if you’re genuinely friendly and praise other professionals’ work—for example, by posting things from comedians you actually look up to. And you can always engage with your followers by asking them to share their thoughts about funny topics.
That's definitely not the right group then! Because that is hilarious.
Weirdly whenever I read one of these comments I go back and make sure I laugh again to get it right.
Load More Replies...Story from a coworker who used to be the dispatcher for the police in a small town. They had received new tasers with cameras. Chief says that he has an important training video that he wants everyone to watch in their all hands meeting. Instead, they are all treated to a deputy who had been playing with the Taser at home and unknowingly turned the camera on. She said it was hilarious, him pointing it at his mirror, following his cat around the house while telling him to stop resisting arrest!
I'm only disappointed he didn't post the photo with this. WHERE. IS. THE. PHOTO??!!!
Why is this getting downvoted? People can have their opinions.
Load More Replies...Now that darling has some imagination 😂😂but gotta ask wtf did the name Carlin come from lol
The ‘Really Dumb Tweets’ account has seen massive success since its curator created it a decade ago, back in 2014. The page, which prides itself on “posting the funniest tweets you’ll ever read,” has garnered a very impressive 1.6 million followers from around the globe.
Not only do you get a frequent dose of humor, but as an Instagram user, you also get to see what funny and bizarre posts tend to go viral on X.
I've never been able to wear second hand clothes because to my nose, they never stop smelling like the previous occupant.
Load More Replies...Cpt. Your comments are hilarious! Thanks for the laughs!
Load More Replies...I'm going to start doing this. Just serving dinner in the most unhinged containers. Oh, don't like your food out of the leftover whipped cream container? Here, try this Goofy mug from 1982...
you're missing the point of stfu and be grateful for the meal someone made you.
I'm with him on this one, because it's so wasteful. Why not use plates in your own home?
mom gets sick of washing dads dishes because he's too lazy to do them, or thinks it's "women's work"
Load More Replies...Flawless Mom/Wife Victory! Also, SIERRA-TANGO-FOXTROT-UNIFORM, and just be frakkin appreciative, grateful and thankful that she cooked for you.
We’d love to hear which of these pics you found the funniest, Pandas, because we had a ton of fun curating them. Which ones made you laugh way harder than you expected? Be honest, which ones did you spam your friends' groups on social media with? For you personally, what are the biggest differences in the vibes between the digital culture on Instagram and on X? Let us know!
My dad taught me that globes were called "Africa". Then we'd go to some fancy place that had a globe and dad would point to Africa on the globe and ask me what it was..."Africa!" And everyone there would be SO IMPRESSED.
First thing in decades (I'm 66 now) that has made me wish I had a kid to raise. Extra kudos!
@60 I wish I still had young uns to raise had my two at 35-39 n lost two at 43-45 now I can’t n ooo I miss those days lol so I feel you x
Load More Replies...I bet she stopped that real fast after the school bully heard her say it.
Anyone explain (in UK English) exactly what he means by "vest" here? Underwear/singlet thing? Jacket? Waistcoat? Gilet? Tank top? I'm genuinely confused.
*Clears Throat* As a member of the council of Dads, I approve this joke. Well Done sir.
I can imagine the thought of having 3 kids under the age of 4 leads to a mini or medium panic attack
Can confirm. I used to babysit a family with 5 under 6 (2,3,4,5, & 5). I’d say it heavily influenced my decision to NEVER have kids.
Load More Replies...Hey, your kiddos have a strong and reliable parent!
Load More Replies...Not surprised by the three kids under age 4. The rhythm method requires some math skills.
I had three under 2. We panicked too but it turned out okay. And we had another, 6 years later. Now they're 24, 23, 22, and 16, and all of us have survived so far.
You "Dad Joked" your girlfriend?! Awww man! You have at least got to wait until you are engaged to pull that off.
I have been responding to terrible dad jokes with a hearty “BOOOOOO” for a decade now. Recently I’ve been spicing it up with raspberries and vigorous thumbs down while booing if the jokes is particularly terrible. This one might have inspired a new dance to add to my repertoire.
Except this isn't a bad one. I've literally never heard this joke before, and it's actually kind of funny.
Load More Replies...Omfg 😂 I actually turn 33 tomorrow! I wish I’d heard this exactly one year ago, I just wasted my 32s 😂
I thought it was great enough that it had me wondering why I didn't celebrate mine that way!
I just told this to my daughter who's celebrating her 32th birthday today. Great timing.
"That's a lot of cheese" is a useful retort to many doubtful claims.
Not nearly as funny, but that's how I felt when I was struggling with my coca!ne add!ction. I could do anything! Hell, I could do EVERYTHING! I could see into other dimensions! I didn't need sleep anymore - I had passed into a plane of existence where sleep was not required. At the time, it seemed awesome. Can confirm it was NOT awesome XD (I've been clean for almost 5 years!)
I've been wondering what doing c**** is like. Thanks for telling me!!
Load More Replies...I don't drink coffee, but I often drink tea, usually just black iced tea. My lovely coworker brought me some Darjeeling tea from India. I had a cup, and another, and another - really delicious stuff. Then I noticed I was absolutely vibrating... Apparently it's very high in caffeine.
Want the alphabet in alphabetical order? sure! --- HRABQDWEXFLMNSUIGJKOPCTVYZ --- read each letter out loud. Hint: H = Aich
For years I thought that people who refused to drink after midday 'because they would be awake all night' were people who believed the hype. Until I read an article that said there are some people who are missing the pacific gene that makes coffee affect them that way. I am one of them. (I think I worded that rather badly, but hopefully most of you get the drift)
The answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything is: 42
It is all wrong, though. Vowels should be first. The related pairs should be together, B and P, for example. They're the same letter except the B is voiced and the P isn't. Also, V and F, D and T, Z and S. End with the heavy metal band name letters Q, X, and Z. Honestly, you could get rid of C entirely, since it's pronounced either as a K or an S. And Q should be able to do its thing without an accompanying U.
Yeah the "girl you're babysitting." Just say you watch Bluey. I watch Bluey. Bluey's real
According to my 24 yr old daughter lmao our dogs a three yr old staffie n a three yr old rottie x cane corso love Bluey to 🤦♀️I’m sure they don’t but meh 😂
I live in the phoenix area. I used to drive an airport shuttle for a resort. Picked up two guys from the airport and driving them to the resort. One guy asked what the cactus with arms was called. I said they are saguaro’s. The other guy said no they are sequoia’s. I said no they are saguaros. He argued they were sequoia’s. At that point I decided I couldn’t argue with an idiot.
Mark Twain said don't argue with idiots; they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
Load More Replies...Hopefully, she just called it done and left. You cannot fix that level of stupidity. And dealing with it, is like getting an ice cream headache, but without the joy of eating ice cream.
Simple. Stand up, go to the man's chair, lean down to him, and gently say, "Dude, you are so wrong, give it up, you are about to enter the 'I'm-a-total-fùċķwıt' territory."
My cousin-in-law was convinced that octopus have TESTICLES, not TENTACLES. And nobogy could convince him otherwise.
People have cell phones now. They can look things up and avoid all stupidity.
Unfortunately, it seems that they like being stupid!! 🤷♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
Load More Replies...I still chuckle at the rap restaurant that used to be in Atlanta, Georgia (US). On the menu were Wu Tang Clams, Ol' Dirty Custard, The Notorious P.I.G., etc. And, yes, you could order a Gin and Juice at the bar.
The reward for a lifetime of hearing baby face comments (which were true) is that now I get a triple-take and the phrase "but you can't be old enough to retire."
Load More Replies...I shut my thumb (broke it) in a patient's car door so she took me to A&E. She was a serial visitor there for self inflicted injuries, and everyone knew her. And I was wearing my NHS staff badge. The looks on people's faces when she smugly informed them I was the patient this time was priceless, and she kept herself safe for several weeks just remembering it. Well worth a broken thumb for her self esteem that day!
I'd have jumped up with joy and opened my arms and yelled, "DAD?!!!" I mean, y'know, just to confuse the f*** outta him :))
I had that with my youngest step sister , lol she was born when I was 15 , n I’d left school then ( I’m 60 n in uk so we could then ) on my days off from work I’d baby sit her , n the amount of times I got called her mum was funny , till she started calling it me to 🙈
Load More Replies...When I went places with my dad as an adult people would think he was my husband. My dad was 40 when I was born. 40!!!
Mall Santa did this to me when I (13) took my siblings (6, 4, and 2) to see him. Seriously, 13?!
Ouch !, now that was an out n out insult , seems doc needs to get his eyes tested !
Same, gotta love allergies, plus the Canadian wildfires are wreaking havoc on our air quality.
Load More Replies...For a minute there, runny nose and all, I felt heard. I felt normal.
the deep breath i just took was euphoric. I have never appreciated breathing enough, thank you for this
My nose isn’t but my eyes are lol , it might be actually for once raining first time where I live , in uk in the sticks but I’m south west n it’s been a mega dry spring ,n I’m also a keen gardener lol as gets hayfever 🤣🤦♀️n have fields n fields of crops behind house , so eyes always stream 🤦♀️
I frequently reflect on it—with amazement, because I have chronic rhinitis. It’s *always* running.
I love when people ask me for the corporate number to "complain about their server/togo order." Buddy, that's my number. We don't have corporate.
The corporate executives don’t know that human customers exist. They just see numbers on a spreadsheet.
Load More Replies...I was at ladies house to give her a quote for termite control, it was my last day at that company. We got into an argument and she kicked me out of her house. On monday I start at a new company, guess who my first appointment was? Funny thing was, she didnt recognize me, and went on and on about the guy who she kicked out of her house last friday :)
On some days you're better than you are on others. True of the worker and true of the customer.
Yeah I love the "can I speak with someone from your purchasing department?" and I'm like sure, send an email *to which I will reply in an uncertain amount of time*
Ooffff in that case wtf was wrong with u yesterday lmao 🤣 did u tell her im very sorry i got out the wrong side of the bed lol
I used to work in table games. One time I was dealing craps to a lady who was drunk and obnoxious and she complained about me to my supervisor for being rude. Which maybe I was. The next time I saw her she was raving about how nice I was and what a great employee I was. She was more sober that time.
This reply would have been perfect if you had used punctuation too.
Load More Replies...That is not so bad either. Once I pulled my uncle's finger.
Load More Replies...I loath grammer cops ! U all got sad lives !! we can type how we types n if u don’t like it that’s a huge u problem NOT OURS A******S
They make a hot wheels ramp that sticks to the bathroom wall and has a little button so you can rest the car at the top then press the button and off it goes. So. Much. Fun
Where can I get this?!? (asking for some random kid)
Load More Replies...I feel like playing with Hot Wheels in the tub is gross, but I don't know why.
Because those hot wheels cars get taken everywhere, they are not clean!
Load More Replies...Kids are an excuse to play with the new toys... the ones you always dreamed of but weren't available (or too costly in my case) when you were their age. The best!!
Soap they "accidentally" ate in the bath? My child has a full on Bluey "Pizza Girls" episode in her tub where she gets a "free drink." AKA, bath water.
When my brother was a little kid, he once complained that the candy he stole from my room didn't taste good. It was soap - one of those cutely wrapped, sweet-smelling hotel soaps...
Load More Replies...Haha, that's the kind of judgement with which I want to approach every moment of my life 😂
Uhhh...do you mean misspent youth or do you mean it was time wasted in your goth phase?
Load More Replies...lol imagine bloody hell that was 57 yrs ago 😱it’s in there somewhere 😂
We went outside and played. We read. We talked with friends and played board games.
As someone with ADHD who loved living like in the 1800s when I was a kid/teen on holidays in a rural area, I promise you that you wouldn't need the internet: you would be too busy working in the garden, climbing trees to pick up fruit, gathering eggs from your chicken, making jam and peeling potatoes, cooking and baking, doing laundry by hand, sweeping the floor because vacuums don't exist, having picnics outside or playing cards next to the fireplace that you obviously chopped wood for... People need the internet because they don't have to do things anymore. You don't even need to have an attention disorder to get bored when: you get groceries delivered on your doorstep, it takes a minute to shove your laundry in the machine and you get to watch the microwave cook your food in less than 5 minutes.
In the 1800s, many children were forced to work, especially during the Industrial Revolution. The Museum of Tolerance notes that families often sent their children to work to survive. Children worked in factories, mines, and on farms, often facing dangerous and unhealthy conditions, Our World in Data and Maine MILL state.
I don't know about others, but while I could NOT sit still in class (and spent so much time in the office), I could read for hours. Also, I'd take the dog and hike in the woods nearly every day - looking for bugs and crayfish and cool sticks.
Life has a way of beating all the good out of you if you aren't careful.
Just figuring how to brake up with someone as they are to nice and very caring. Just feel smothered and like my independence is being chipped away
If they are chipping away your independence that's not nice and caring. That's creating dependency which is very different from love. Love does not insist you stay here with me all the time to keep me company, it encourages you to fly and do all the things that make you alive, and then come back and tell me all about them. And I'll share my flights. Love is lace - a blend of knots and holes. Not all holes, not al knots.
Load More Replies...It's true! I've always been that person and it wasn't until about 3 years ago I realized I had stopped carrying the load in my relationship. It's less exhausting, but a whole lot less fun...
I told my daughter to be less loving and caring and nurturing once. Her bf was giving her none of those things so I told her to match his energy for a week. They’re getting married next year.
Step back, please. I need my space very much and I don't want to be touched. Maybe a pat on the shoulder or a peck on the cheek, as we part ways, if we're really close. I said OR, not AND.
Pick and choose your battles. You can probably win most, but you Cannot win all of them.
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled is convincing the world he was right
Load More Replies...Ah, that was the job he got after he lost his license as a vet.
Load More Replies...I stopped looking at the rating on imdb. Movies about trans or gay people almost always get a pretty bad score, including all the great movies. Homophobes really ruined the reliability of ratings.
Move to a mountain cave and only return when all of civilisation has ceased, such is your embarrassment. My sympathies.
Is the daughter involved in the company or is it “our company” because her parents own it? I can’t explain it but for some reason after 45 years on this planet that’s a very important distinction to me.
I remember when I was 6-7ish and first learned I was adopted... I came to terms with it and accepted it without any issues because I'd been told all my life about how one "adopts" pets and then they're part of your family.. so after my parents spent probably an hour carefully and gently explaining things, I just said to them, "Oh, so you guys adopted me, like we adopted Split? Okay." Split was our dog XD (Photo of her is attached! She lived to 18 years old!) splitter-6...f56aee.jpg
Beautiful dog! And that must have been such a let-down for your parents!!
Load More Replies...I was adopted too. From the onset they called me their little adopted darling so I always knew. When I was young we had a hog farm and when a sow had too many babies dad would spray them down with hair spray to k**l their sent and gave them to a sow that had fewer babies. For years I thought that was how I was adopted.
I got a really bad ankle sprain when I was 17. I'm 43 and it still bothers me occasionally XD (The story of the sprain itself and how it happened is pretty hilarious too, if anyone wants to hear it.)
How many f***s are appropriate for a work email? Got a few to send tomorrow
I have no f***s left to give. 🤷🏻♀️
Load More Replies...I did this. We had this silly little notebook in high school that had our picture and our parents' names and signatures. My dad was away on a business trip the first week of the school year, so I came up with my own signature for him. I ended up signing my own requests to be let out early or be excused for wearing sneakers instead of the regular shoes (we had a uniform).
Lol this reminds me of elementary school, we had a card that was used for writing how many pages of what book issued from the library did the kid (me) read, and the parent had to sign it every day. They didn't check regularly, but once a month you'd bring the card in for them to check. I was an avid reader. I'd still read if I had the time. My mom had to shorten her signature just because of this card because of how much I read a month
My mum has the same initials as me, so I just did my signature and they never questioned it. Really, teachers don't have to check unless something serious happens, like the child is seriously injured when they were supposedly at a 'dentist' appointment.
We bought some for our grandson and he LOVED it - he is 7. I am not sure if he and his friend ate them or just grossed out.
I never got around to eating mine. My brother just ate crickets without the lollypop when he was overseas.
Back in the day my car with the hot tub and blender impressed many of my classmates while I worked on my degree in interpretive sock puppet dancing.
Load More Replies...Right???? Like I had a clue about ANYTHING at 18 - I'm supposed to figure the rest of my life out right now?? When I am so young and dumb...??
This is why in Australia we don't have majors (except maybe if you do an arts degree) you just choose a course based on the job you want. Ideally, you have been thinking about what you want to do since you were in year 10 and chose year 11 & 12 subjects that are the prerequisites for the uni course. If you don't know what you do, some people choose an arts degree, but I think you are better off taking a gap year and working in hospitality or retail or something while you decide what you want to do so you aren't paying uni fees for something that doesn't get you further in life.
Whatever you get really good grades in in high school — whatever is so easy for you that you hardly have to study — THAT’S what you should major in. Don’t make yourself miserable trying to do things you’re not good at. Source: personal experience. Life should NOT be that hard.
I got a bachelor's in general studies so I could explore a wide variety of subjects. My master's is in Library Science, as it was in the 80s.
Meals do not need to be labeled. Why can I not have pancakes at 3 a.m. take a two hour nap and go to work. Or lasagna for breakfast.
Lol yep! Coffee ALL over my keyboard hahahahahaaa!!!
Load More Replies...Boss said work harder. Employee said you get what you pay for.
Load More Replies...Diabetes will lead the charge, Agamemnon will flank the guards...
Load More Replies...why use their nickname? you don't know them yet. call them Richard. (Sorry for the terrible joke, I'm not even a father)
Load More Replies...People No Longer Have patience, attention spans or work ethics. Everyone is lazy, disconnected and impatient, and its all getting worse
So for some reason he associates welfare payments with menstruation....interesting....
The men is DC making decisions dont even know which hole a woman pees out of
This used to happen to me when I worked at a fancy grocery store during the pandemic XD It sold a lot of local produce that was actually fairly cheap, so I'd go in on my days off to buy produce (the ONLY thing worth buying at that store; everything else was massively overpriced.) I worked in vitamins/supplements, so we actually had regular customers who started to recognize me. My regular customers would sometimes spot me while I was buying vegetables on my days off and would ask me if xyz product was in stock XD I was like my dude, please, do you see me wearing my Sprouts shirt and nametag? No? XD But the worst part was when my co-workers would track me down and ask me where xyz product was.. in the same department that we both worked in D: Why didn't THEY know where it was?!
Lol it happened to me a few weeks ago I went back to work to meet up for a colleagues leaving do and got hi, I've just brought this can you get it really clean like last time! I kinda laughed and said I'm not working at the moment I clocked off 4 hrs ago
Load More Replies...I was the first one! My ex was the second one! He would tell me to "just stop worrying" so I could "fall asleep". >_> He would then proceed to fall asleep within seconds and snore so loudly that I eventually had to sleep in a different room entirely XD
I'm the first, husbands the latter. In fact, there he is blissfully snoring away
It's glued down and they use a leaf blower
Load More Replies...If these posts did anything with my level of faith in humanity, it's the opposite of what the title said they would. I'm not complaining about the content. I just think the title is weird.
I wish all the titles were just "funny memes 5/25" or funny memes:theme" instead of the stupid stuff they title these trying to make them interesting or funny.
Load More Replies...These were fun, and so were the comments. I am going to be randomly cracking up remembering some of these, good times. Thank you for sharing them!
Good for you Glenna! I reported you by the way...
Load More Replies...If these posts did anything with my level of faith in humanity, it's the opposite of what the title said they would. I'm not complaining about the content. I just think the title is weird.
I wish all the titles were just "funny memes 5/25" or funny memes:theme" instead of the stupid stuff they title these trying to make them interesting or funny.
Load More Replies...These were fun, and so were the comments. I am going to be randomly cracking up remembering some of these, good times. Thank you for sharing them!
Good for you Glenna! I reported you by the way...
Load More Replies...
