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The UK has its own breed of humor and what gets a Brit laughing may leave outsiders scratching their heads.

Heavy on self-deprecation, almost undetectable sarcasm, and constant deadpan delivery, it can feel like a totally different language.

But fear not, we’ve put together a new piece about the social media magazine 'British Memes' to help you understand (and use!) their jokes just as effectively as they do.

So continue scrolling and happy learning!

More info: Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

#1

Hilarious-British-Memes

britishmemesuk Report

cats_from_the_void
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I see the problem, you were far too kind about it, those who delight in irritating our cat lords must not live

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    #2

    Hilarious-British-Memes

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    Cat Chat
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh, it's fun getting to these before the censors kick in. 🤣

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    From Shakespeare’s comedies to Billy Connolly’s command of an audience, Gavin & Stacey’s taste of Welsh whimsy to Derry Girls’ earthy look at life in the 1990s, humor has been central to the history of storytelling across the UK for a very long time.

    But if you ask an academic to come up with a description for British humor, they will most likely run into some trouble.

    Dr. Ian Wilkie, a lecturer in performance at the University of Salford, said: “Having taught younger American students, they take the British sense of humor to be Monty Python, by which they mean a sort-of slightly erring towards the surreal, very iconoclastic in terms of attacking the big targets, very silly.”

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    #3

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    britishmemesuk Report

    Lemme get the lemons
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Thank you! I hate those awards, because I missed one day off of school before, and despite being told I'm one of the best students, like in the top five, I got nothing. It unfair and stupid Edit: I got a prize for attendance today 🙃

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    #5

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    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lovely! Wonder if it expanded his vocabulary though

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    However, Wilkie said that, while those traits can become shorthand for ‘the British sense of humor’, he doesn’t think “that cuts the mustard.”

    Dr. Wilkie highlighted that there are already differences in popular humor in the four home nations. It diversifies even more between the major cities, making it difficult to pinpoint a blanket ‘British’ humor.

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    #6

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    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hopefully they will grow up before they lose their mums

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    #7

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    Michael P (Perthaussieguy)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I grew up in England and now live in Australia. I can confirm both these comments

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    One example is the Scottish brash-with-a-twinkle style of Billy Connolly or the more gentle approach of his compatriot Susan Calman. “Scottish people like witty jokes, there is a lot of respect for learning and that it likes quite hard-hitting jokes, ones of mockery,” Wilkie explained.

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    While he noted there are similarities between Glaswegian humor and that found in other port cities, such as Liverpool, that Scottish style might not necessarily translate into a Welsh sense of humor or a broader English one.

    #10

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    #11

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    Fenchurch
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Dog thinking - well this is my life now

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    #12

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    Attending a comedy night, with many different acts, would show how difficult it is to categorize humour along geographical lines.humor

    “You may laugh at different aspects of their schtick, but it would then be difficult to say, ‘well, there’s a British sense of humour’ because of the disparate kind of approaches and world views coming across.”

    #14

    Hilarious-British-Memes

    britishmemesuk Report

    Another element worth considering is how much the humor of other countries has influenced British comedy.

    If you’ve sat and enjoyed the exaggerated characters in Fawlty Towers, the characters and scrapes they find themselves in reflect the sketches of the Commedia dell’arte, a form of theatre from 16th Century Italy.

    Among other elements, it involved a series of recognizable characters from all aspects of society engaged in witty dialogue.

    #18

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    Nobody
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    soo, this is where common people eat, "I wanna live like common people, I wanna do whatever common people do"

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    #19

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    Heather Resatz
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not just prezzies .. a stocking too!

    Everybody Say Love!
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Facts! Had the cat for 2 years and he always gets gifts, rescued a pupper 2 months ago and we can't wait to do the same for him, too <3

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    Katie Lutesinger
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He got presents every Christmas, plus a birthday with presents and a cake I made out of mincemeat. He loved tearing the wrapping paper off and got excited when there were presents being opened for any other reason. :(

    Alex Bailey
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We get the dog a present so he will focus on opening his, not ours! He loves a good parcel😄

    Nay Wilson
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I get gifts for my sister’s dog. I get gifts for her kids, the doggo deserves it too

    Audrey Martin
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I get Christmas presents for my dog and cat and for my daughter's parrots. My dog and cat get birthday presents too. I know my dog's birthday because he's a retired greyhound and we have his racing papers, he'll be 6 on June 14th. My cat was rescued by the RSPCA as a stray when he was about 4 months old, we calculate that he was born sometime in June of 2014 so we've allocated him the 14th as well. Poor little guy struggled to survive when he was a baby, so he didn't know how to play, now at nearly 10 years old he's found his inner kitten.. I love both of my black beauties so much.

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    Libstak
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Of course, you just have to and the cats too.

    The Original Bruno
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NOT WIERD! When I was a kid, the first year we had our dog, he was absolutely disconsolate he didn't get a present, too. I wrapped up an old softball and gave it to him to make him feel better. The next year, he remembered and was so anxious to unwrap his present! To this day, I can't believe he remembered AND made the association!

    El Dee
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Gifts (in gift bag) and a card - always..

    Ross “Sarcastic Dad”
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I even make sure I wrap them in the other room so it's a surprise for them, lol!

    g90814
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    hotdogs in wrapping paper, let them unwrap (careful to pull away the paper so they don't eat it). depends on the dog, ours were dainty eaters so easy enough.

    Ashley Greer
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I get Chanukah presents for my family’s 3 cats.

    CwtchyMama
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Get for dog ( and the late Guinea pig) also in-laws cat . Pets are family too and often nicer than the people

    Cat Chat
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For their birthday and Easter, too!

    Wise Turtle
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Who doesn’t get their pet a present on Christmas?

    Deborah B
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The dog gets as many presents as everyone else....combined.

    Cecilie Hammershøy
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Some years the dogs get more presents than the humans.

    H G
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We do it with our cats. This year they really went shopping around!

    Dasha
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I got my cat catnip infused toys last year

    Bad Ass69
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Of course! What the heck you think all those pet treats are made for anyway! Our pets.

    Tink10
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    All of it presents, a stocking and something from Santa too! And their own breakfast and dinner

    Gmaddles
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No, not so she's left but because she's been a good girl!!

    Laura Kaye
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ..... Of course my pup gets presents. Who doesn't give their pup presents?! I get my bunnies presents, dog presents and my 13 chickens will also likely get presents

    Charley128
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My Mom used to mold birthday cake for our dog out of canned dog food at put a candle on it.

    Tuna Beach
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No. We get presents for them because we love them and they deserve it.

    Erin Ward
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would but he's so excited about the boxes and wrapping paper our stuff comes in. We all play with it after opening. End up with drifts of shredded paper and cardboard it's amazing

    Peppermallow
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My dog has learned how to open them. You give the gift, say Present, and she carefully rips the wrapping paper, and then walks round everyone showing off her new toy

    Vedette Aecus
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ha! My dog's "grandmom" got them an advent calendar with a biscuit tied on for each day.

    Elspeth_Marple
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yep! Presents from every member of the family, plus a stocking, and a Christmas "dinner".

    PlatinumTheCat
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hate that my parents usually don’t give my pets gifts, I think they all should get something

    Michelle C
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mine gets a present each, an ornament, and a stocking full of treats

    That Goth Demon (zey/zem)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    One of my friends does that. I'd do that if I had a pet (a lil' gekk)

    tabithapaquette98
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I used to get my cats gifts, and my best friend, I would buy her dogs and cats gifts too!

    Jerry Inselberger
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just got one 3 days ago for our grand dog for Christmas. Not weird!

    Fin
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Does cats, gecko and fish count?

    jmdirks
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Even though our dogs have passed we still put their stockings out with ours every Christmas.

    Danish Susanne
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wouldn't dare not to bring a present for my BILs dog. He would never forgive me if I came without.

    Riley Quinn
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Your family is indeed weird, so the rest of us weirdos welcome you into our clan.

    Caffeine72
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We also get cards and presents FROM the dogs. They have special handwriting and everything.

    Ann Michaels
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Every year we have our given our dog gifts. He was so excited when we put the tree and going around sniffing the presents. One year I forgot and wrapped an old toy. He was so upset he sulked all day.

    Groovyfirechick
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We also have a stocking for her! She gets presents at Grandpa’s house too!

    Helen Taylor
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I did not used to do this. But then I rescued a dog who was horribly upset on Christmas morning because there wasn't a gift for him. We had to quickly wrap a big dog bone. In future years we would show him his gift, and he would lie next to it with his nose touching it waiting for Christmas. Now I always give pets gifts.

    Haley J
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mine does. And the cat too

    Jen L
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In our family the animals give each other treats.

    Liz Downing
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We only buy prezzies for the cats. We don't give each other gifts.

    Celtic Pirate Queen
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I ordered some treats for my brother's dog about 12 years ago. PetSmart STILL sends me emails.

    Kiera DeCanio
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yep, treats and toys for our cats and dogs! The cats only care about the treats, but the dogs love to tear the gift wrap, so we make sure to wrap them for them!

    Kelly Reno
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Growing up they got treats they wouldn't normally get snf sometimes toys (one wouldn't play with them, on would play sometimes, and the other was old). Now my parent's dogs get toys as well. One of them is a terrier with 3 gears - terrier spaz, work, and sleep. Most of the time shifting positions on the couch or a poke send her from sleep to spaz. She's 4+ yrs old.

    sylvantic
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My dog gets a gift for Chanukkah and for his birthday. Multiple for his birthday, actually, although I'm not sure how thrilled he was about getting clip-on ties for his collar. He did seem to like the stuffie and the froyo, though.

    April Pickett
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I buy Christmas presents for my grand puppies.

    Paddling Panda
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The dog...and the cats...and my sister's dog...and my nieces cats...

    Jody Whitmarsh
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes, my family does for my dog. He gets more for Christmas than I do

    LadyHermit
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Christmas, her birthday, Easter, children's day, Samhain..... and a whole slew of others.

    PandaPops
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yup the dog gets gifts too and the cat.. and in my friend group we dont buy for each other but we buy for each others dogs lol

    Theresa Carroll
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah we do. And on Easter we have a doggy Easter egg hunt as well.. but instead of eggs we hide treats.

    Niki Munster
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Would be weird to leave them out! Growing up, even our fish got gifts and a stocking. 🩷

    Amberlie Mikelsen
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Can't have the fur-babies feeling left out! Both my mom's wannabe dog and my cat have their own stockings (that I personally knitted for them) that get filled every single Christmas with treats and toys! (Even if the rest of us don't get much, the fur-babies gotta be taken care of)

    Natalie H
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    AND birthday presents!! 🥳 🎁 💜

    Jay Heisenberg
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My dogs an a*****e so just meats from turkey

    George D
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The works. Stocking stuffed with Petsmart offerings. Pets are family.

    2late4me
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And our cats and dogs reciprocate.

    SpaceFrog
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We get presents only for the dogs now because its way more entertaining and heartwarming.

    pepelaprawn
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    my dogs get about 50 bags of treats from all our friends and family every Christmas

    Ghaniyah Verma
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not just weird, a nice weird. We like nice weird, right guys?

    Jennifer Young
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When we went home for Christmas last year my dog got more presents from the family that I did. He is rad, so I considered this totally fair.

    Caroline Melzer
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Our dogs get us prezzies for Christmas and birthdays. Guess they just love us.

    Rhys
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yep and we seek out Christmas themed wet food like turkey and cranberry, as a treat. Little guy can only eat dry food nowadays.

    StretcherBearer
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mom put up stockings for the dogs and one for her leopard gecko.

    Fallen Angel
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Demi, sorry but you are weird...

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    #20

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    Cat Chat
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Even worse, we have a 4 level house (really it's split level front/back, so only 2 rooms per floor), and it doesn't work going up nor down.

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    Surrealism, long considered a staple of British humor was, as Dr. Wilkie describes it, performed by: “Dadaists from countries that we may choose not to think of as particularly funny, such as Germany."

    “They were doing surrealism to the nth degree, quite deliberately as a performative art, in the early part of the 20th Century. I think it’s something we like to appropriate in a way and imagine that we’re the custodians of it, but it’s not culturally specific at all.”

    #23

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    britishmemesuk Report

    Take me to dinner first
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For a second I forgot bird had a different meaning in this context and was like "wow that's oddly specific..."

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    With Monty Python held up as a good example of leftfield humor from the UK, the Carry On… series of films suggests a national affection for a less sophisticated bawdiness loaded with double entendres.

    While they did enjoy popularity outside the country (Carry On Nurse ran in Los Angeles for more than two-and-a-half years on its initial release), Dr. Humor Wilkie doesn’t see the humor contained within the 30 titles of the franchise as something that defines a nation.

    #24

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    britishmemesuk Report

    Kelvin Scott
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    when he tries coming to bed tonight tell him where the dog basket is

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    #25

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    James016
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Late night at McDonalds and they announce order number 69 is ready.

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    “Carry On… kind of made fun of itself in its day, it was already slightly self-consciously old-fashioned and seaside postcard, but people could enjoy it because they could say, all bets are off really, we’re going to see something that’s sexist, end of the pier and a bit silly and that was fine,“ Dr. Wilkie explained.

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    #27

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    Anxious&Bored Bear
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hate those hypocrites who say work harder: your college education was paid for even when you were failing, your job was nepotism, and your wealth was inherited.

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    #28

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    Michael P (Perthaussieguy)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    At least ALL of them would come home without getting shot at.

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    It’s these different styles and presentations of comedy by British performers that. Dr. Wilkie believes make it impossible for an academic to point, with confidence, at various elements and state categorically that they alone make up the nation’s famed sense of humor.

    #31

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    Pink Princess
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Red telephone boxes look so cool and posh and aesthetic and then you have the one on the right

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    #33

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    Shyla Bouche
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There's a really nice frozen custard place about 45 min. away from my parents. They'd make the trip once a month or so, and bring the dog. He got a spoonful of everyone's custard. Once they went, and it was cold, rainy, and crowded. They decided to go to the Baskin Robbins across the street. They got their ice cream, and a paper bowl so they could share with the dog. He wouldn't eat it. I guess he decided that if he was going that far, it had to be the custard or nothing.

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    “No, I wouldn’t say there is a British sense of humor,” he concluded. “I think the best you can hope for is some big, beacon terms (eg. sarcasm, understatement, self-deprecation), that maybe, over a fair amount of time, might hold water."

    “Comedy and humor have always been so open to counter-examples that you can never really pin anything down. It’s like trying to nail jelly to a wall.”

    However, if you'd like to see more 'British Memes,' fire up our first publication on this fun little project.

    #34

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    #36

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    Anxious&Bored Bear
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Same in the US: rich people find loopholes to get out of paying taxes, so the taxes on the workers get increased.

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    #37

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    Depressed Owl
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY HIM NOT BEING QUALIFIED

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    #39

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    Robert T
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Bradley Walsh trying desperately not to crack up. He still hasn't got over F***y Chmelar on The Chase.

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    #40

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    Chihuahua Mama
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I actually feel it's a win if you haven't set foot in Dubai. Seems like a soulless place

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    #42

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    Michael P (Perthaussieguy)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Everyone was enjoying the Donner Kebabs at the Christmas Party. Then they ran out. So they started on the Blitzen Kebabs.

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    #43

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    #44

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    Susan Bosse
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They have use of full lanes in my city, whether one or a gaggle of them. Tons of cyclists around here. HATE getting behind them but good on you for exercising. Now get out of my way. I have snacks at home.

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    #45

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    Depressed Owl
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm not a girl but I still want Dunkelstog.

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    #46

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    The Original Bruno
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Is this like East Coast/West Coast snobbery of middle America? I looked up why people hate Birmingham. Most common answer was that it was riddled with crime, but the crime rate (63) is only marginally higher than London (54.9). (Actually, it was quite odd how similar crime rates are across UK. The worst had a crime rate only twice as high as the best. Some American cities have crime rates several times higher than others: New Orleans, Detroit and St. Louis have murder rates more than 10 times higher than New York's.)

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    #47

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    Fenchurch
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Doesn't taste the same as an adult.. I suspect they have removed some of the more dubious colourants and flavourings.

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    #48

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    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The first person to win Deal or No Deal, her long term boyfriend left her a couple of weeks before. Not the same scale, but it did give us a nice warm feeling

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    #49

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    cats_from_the_void
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    oh you poor intellectually deprived dears, why would the government waste valuable tracking devices on you?

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    #50

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    Lemme get the lemons
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well to be fair, if you're on enough *illegal medicine* it can happen again

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    #51

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    Fenchurch
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Them "can just I take an email address?" Me "No" Me on a more pedantic day " I don't know can you?"

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    #52

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    Michael P (Perthaussieguy)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Twist: It wasn't part of a 'Meal deal', he was actually asking you out but saved himself by using this tactic :)

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    #53

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    James016
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's starting to get a bit ripe inside without opening the windows

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    #54

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    Everybody Say Love!
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The "Sorry" at the end is the epitome of being British. Someone walks into you, you say sorry xD

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    #55

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    James016
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Car insurance is essentially a random number generator.

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    #58

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    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not any more. Life is short, have the starter. Especially if it's scallops

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    #59

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    Fluffypanda
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh yes and it's always when I need him to NOT take his sweet time to do it

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    #60

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    James016
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Everything cooks at 200C for 20 mins. Everything 👍

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    #61

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    The Original Bruno
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    President Clinton wishes he had come up with this idea. The Eat Out to Help Out scheme, I mean.

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    #62

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    Monday
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Especially if it still kinda works when you hold it at just the right angle.

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    #63

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    Delta Dawn
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    please tell me cba means can’t be arsed, because I’m going to use that from now on

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    #64

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    Scrapiechick
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My old landlord used to do this thinking it wouldn't count and formal communications when I sued him for 3x my deposit hahahahaha

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    #65

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    Cat Chat
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I laugh every time I get into the turn lane for my street, which looks like I'm sneaking in early for the turn lane for the light just past our street. Car after car starts following me to jump ahead, too. Then they are stuck behind me, where as if they drove passed me and got into the lane when they should have, would already be through the light. 🤣

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    #67

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    Amqy
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It’s me I’m that mate

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    #68

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    #69

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    ynyrhydref56
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Moreover, who sells a caravan for only £100?

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    #70

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    les
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    coop. see we told you were poor

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    #71

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    Anxious&Bored Bear
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Clarify: a double bed without a sibling, you were posh.

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    #73

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    Sami-Jo Ross
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I tried balancing an opened water bottle on my forehead with the same results.

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    #74

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    Gustav Gallifrey
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not likely. In Australia, they'll advertise e.g. table saws for $99.00, and you go there at opening time to get one and it turns out that maybe 4 were allocated to the three Aldi stores in your town, and somehow (mysteriously) they've all already been sold.

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    #75

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    Maggie
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've seen this one before and hope he has found a lovely home now.

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    #76

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    Cat Chat
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So, my 23f missed Mother's Day this year, but visited a couple of days ago. I showed her the poems her little sisters gave me hanging on the wall (unframed). Then showed her I still had the framed one she gave me at the same age. She started crying and I was like "yeah, your Mom still loves you!" She replies "No, and I only say this because they are asleep - I'M STILL THE FAVORITE!" 🤣

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    #78

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    OnlyMe
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    they usually knock on the door and call housekeeping. Obvs if you're passed out you didn't hear so bum to you haha

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    #80

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    More!
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It’ll be mum retuning the favour (it’s a passive sort of revenge thing) We really just do it to annoy our kids.

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    #81

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    James016
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mine is going to look like a Curly Wurly at that age

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    #82

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    #83

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    Donkey boi
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm wondering if anyone, well anywhere, has experienced the likes of the Colin & Cuthbert scandal. I mean do our American friends know the feeling to pick a side on such a raw topic? Do our passionate European neighbours have enough passion to enter this arena? Have our Asian fellows ever felt on the brink of anarchy over such a sensitive topic?

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    #84

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    Harls
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When you're shooting a free kick and a wall isn't even attempted.

    #86

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    #88

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    OnlyMe
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    this is me - my teenage son ALWAYS waits until I get up and asks me for a drink

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    #89

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    Alex Bailey
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Always... always expensive and always uncomfortable.

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    #90

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    Alex Bailey
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hah, had lovely sun for weeks and my garden is suffering. No rain even forecast for the south east. Hosepipe ban looming.

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    #91

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    James016
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Having been to Dubai, I'd sooner take the cottage

    #92

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    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's not Barbara whose husband ran off with a footballer is it? I mean I can understand why she got into yogurt after that

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    #93

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    VonBlade
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Peas and Pasta, dish them FROM the bag to the pan using the spoon you normally dish up with, tada, guaranteed to have the right amount.

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    #95

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    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Amazing how many adverts have "maxi" on them. RIP Maxi, greyhound of distinction

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    #97

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    OnlyMe
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Really? Guess I won't be going there anytime soon then.

    #98

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    CwtchyMama
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ok but have you heard his podcast " help I sexted my boss " I'm pushing myself every episode

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    #99

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    Paul Neff
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What a relief, here I was thinking only Americans let their pets drive cars...

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    #100

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    les
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    its just an excuse to stay inside

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    #103

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    Rizzo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    LIDL is a german company. Why the hell does this looks so much better than at the one around the corner from me?

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    #104

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    GenericPanda09
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I used to work for the company that set up the clubcard scheme when it was just a guy and his wife that set it up out of their back bedroom, and was later bought outright by Tesco... my advice don't use one, that amount of data on you isn't worth an extra 7p off a can of beans every month. They analyse and sell ALL your shopping habits to EVERYONE willing to pay for it, one day they'll have coca cola in selling them it, the next pepsi will be in buying the same data on you. Stopped buying codoms this month? Next month your offers will probably be about nappies or some other baby stuff. All sold to you as doing you a favour, but in reality exploiting the f**k out of you.

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    #105

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    Geoffrey Scott
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Obviously a bed, no white stripe along the temples

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    #106

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    Fenchurch
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Forgot the White Hart - 4th most common pub name

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    #107

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    #109

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    Lia is a platypus
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "We were arguing about taxes, Bob! That isn't relevant!"

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    #110

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    Heather Resatz
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you have parents that are good for you to stay with, bless you!! Do it!!

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    #112

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    Donkey boi
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Scampi Fries. Great if you're eating them! Shocking if you're smelling someone who's eaten them!

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    #113

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    Cat Chat
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, but good luck getting the cat to stop! 😉🤣

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    #114

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    Michael Largey
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "With you as his mother, that won't be his last cry either."

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    #115

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    General Anaesthesia
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's more like one question a million times, Rowan.

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    #116

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    Brooklyn Roffman
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Has anyone else’s pollen allergies been acting up more than usual?

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    #117

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    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If she hears it once more she's going to hiamh...

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    #118

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    Tucker Cahooter
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The footnote "* restrictions do not apply for members of the UK Government" has been omitted from the post

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    #119

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    Hugh Cookson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Also, Boris is an upper class moron with a Messiah complex.

    #120

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    #121

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    Nikki Sevven
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No, because I stop for a hot second and remember how much I hate doing laundry.

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    #122

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    ynyrhydref56
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I take it this is about Madeleine McCann and not the precocious French schoolgirl of the cartoon. 😜 I was so confused for a second.

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    #123

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    #124

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    TotallyNOTaFox
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Could have been worse - imagine being german and taking part in the contest....

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    #127

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    Nikki Sevven
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And here we are only halfway through 2020v3. Only six more iterations left.

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    #128

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    General Anaesthesia
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There they're, Connor, their not all as jaded as you.

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    #129

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    LinkTheHylian
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If it's the maths teacher, golden ratio'd.