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38 ‘Harmless’ Habits That Most Of Us Do But Are Actually Dangerous In The Long Run
We all have our little quirks. The "playing devil's advocate," the "constructive criticism" that nobody asked for, the classic "it was just a joke!" after a comment that was definitely not a joke. We think of them as harmless, the background noise of our personalities.
But what if that background noise is actually a low-grade toxic alarm? An online community asked people to name these "harmless" habits that are secretly doing a lot of damage. The answers are a hilarious and deeply uncomfortable lesson in self-awareness. You might want to take some notes.
More info: Reddit
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#1
Letting family get away with being horrible just “because they’re family”. Not really a habit I guess but my life is so much better having cut the toxic ones out.
Shelley Keenan 3 days ago
My mom, literal quote: "I thought I'd be given some grace because you know my heart, and I'm your mother." ("grace" is her way of saying "let me get away with horrific behavior")
Ellinor she/they/elle 4 days ago
I was in the process of no longer doing this, and then my grandmother d!ed in September. I'm going to be with my family on Christmas, we're all grieving, and the 25th was my grandparent's anniversary. So now I'll have to keep the peace because otherwise I'll just be the villain.
SchadenFreudian Psychology 3 days ago
It’s just for this one event, though. Maybe you can start backing off again after Xmas is over.
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Michael Largey 4 days ago
Going no contact may give some family members the wake up call they need.
RELATED:
#2
Not standing up to people or letting things slide when they bother you.
ShutUpGrumpy 2 days ago
Many will be thinking this of me picking battles I can't win I guess, but . . Where others can't stand up even when they are the target of hateful rhetoric it is incumbent on those who can stand to call out such hate. The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
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keyboardtek 3 days ago
Seems to be a major problem with half of congress that is afraid to stand up to Trump.
Crystalwitch60 2 days ago (edited)
Not a problem anymore , I take no shite what so ever and I don’t give a scooby doo if people don’t like it maybe dont bully people then ! or act inhuman , or be grammer nazis then peace 😂,n getting would up about things is pointless , quicker to speak your mind , to the person , preferably to their face , job done move on so much better x
ShutUpGrumpy 2 days ago
I support you in your calling out those who criticise spelling and grammar. But sometimes a moment of self reflection is all it takes to appreciate that their motives are not necessarily what you believe them to be.
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Rali Meyer 2 days ago
when others bother me, I say to myself, yes: 1+1=5 and get another drink
#3
Thinking there is something wrong with asking for help and that you are lesser for it. This applies to everything from work, to personal issues, to everything.
I’m genX and we got independence shoved down our throats hard. I actually got in trouble for refusing help at work the other day.
Cyhyraeth 3 days ago
Gen X here and I hear you. I don't have anything against asking for help....it just never occurs to me to do so.
Stardust she/her 3 days ago
My whole life I’ve felt ashamed to even think of asking for any kind of help be it school related or just personal. The consequences are piling up heavily now to the point where it’s inevitable that one of these days I’ll have to reach out or it’ll be too late
Betty Spaghetti 2 days ago
If you enjoy helping others, why would you deprive others that enjoyment?
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When we think of "toxic," our minds usually jump to the big, dramatic stuff like outright cruelty, manipulation, or explosive anger. But as life coach Elizabeth Perry explains, the most common form of toxicity is far more subtle. It's the "harmless" habits that function like a thousand tiny paper cuts to a relationship or our own mental health.
This is the stuff the online thread was brilliant at identifying: the constant negativity disguised as "realism," the passive-aggressive comments that come with a smile, or the friend who always seems to one-up your problems with their own, a classic case of "playing the victim."
#4
Not acknowledging your own feelings as they happen.
Child of the Stars 1 day ago
Then that's okay. Take time to process that you don't understand your emotional response to something; that can be very telling all on its own.
Load More Replies... SchadenFreudian Psychology 3 days ago
When you learn to do this, it makes a HUGE difference (for the better.)
#5
Forcing kids to hug or kiss relatives if they don't want to.
UnclePanda 3 days ago
This is a generational thing. It was the norm at the time. I came from a family of huggers, cheek pinchers, and hair rustlers. I don't do the latter two today, hugs are on a case-by-case basis.
Manic Mama 3 days ago
We never made our daughters hug relatives if they didn't want to. It caused a s**t-fight, but it was important to us that they knew that they were allowed to say No when it came to their own bodies & boundaries.
Smeghead Tribble Down Under 3 days ago
A quick kiss on the cheek for poor old 89-year-old Great Aunt Helga isn't going to k**l Little Lord Fauntleroy FFS.
AuspiciousTree283 3 days ago (edited)
It's not about being taught respect, it's about how the kid processes their own boundaries. The kid might be okay later but if the kiss was forced then it's only teaching them that their personal space doesn't matter. That kid needs to have a reason to accept the gesture, or they're just going through the motions.
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S Bow 4 days ago
Oh my niece did this with her son. It was so awkward for everyone, especially for that poor kid. I've never understood why people do this.
Michael Largey 4 days ago
The public an d personal humiliation of that relative isn't a lot of fun either.
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#6
Sweeping problems under the rug to keep the peace.
One of the most common and celebrated harmless habits is glorifying being overworked. We've all heard it, and many of us have said it: "I'm so slammed," "I only got four hours of sleep last night," or "I haven't taken a vacation in years." As a BBC Worklife report points out, we've created a "cult of burnout," where we treat exhaustion as a status symbol and a measure of our importance.
The online thread was full of people realizing this isn't a sign of dedication; it's a sign of a deeply unhealthy relationship with work. This toxicity bleeds into every other part of your life, leaving you with no energy for the people and things that actually matter.
#7
Living my life to make everyone happy.
Michael Largey 4 days ago
It's ok to live your life to make people happy as long as you're one of them.
#8
Avoiding the difficult conversations because you don’t “like confrontation” - and villainising the other person for “being confrontational”.
keyboardtek 3 days ago
One can be conditioned to avoid difficult conversations when one's spouse daily starts one simply to find fault with you.
Bartlet for world domination 4 days ago
Keep that up for a while, then say "Water under the bridge" and that the other person is holding a grudge.
#9
Scrolling in bed immediately after waking up.
Charlotte A. 2 days ago
OK, but why? (I tend to do this as a way of waking up instead of snoozing)
Who doesn't love a bit of self-deprecating humor? It can make you seem humble, relatable, and funny. But as the UK Therapy Guide explains, there's a fine line between a harmless joke at your own expense and a habit that can genuinely damage your mental health.
When "I'm such an idiot" becomes your go-to punchline for every minor mistake, it stops being a joke and starts being a form of negative self-talk that you're normalizing for yourself and others. Many in the online thread pointed out that this habit is often a way of putting yourself down before anyone else can, a toxic defense mechanism disguised as a charming personality quirk.
#10
Labeling everything that’s somewhat uncomfortable and a normal part of life “toxic”.
Callum Young 3 days ago
Labelling people "narcissistic" as an insult instead of as a medically-diagnosed illness.
Child of the Stars 1 day ago
Yes. All humans have narcissistic behaviors; it's part of the survival instinct. But it's very different from a diagnosable psychological disorder.
Load More Replies... SchadenFreudian Psychology 3 days ago
Sometimes it’s just annoying…..not the end of the world.
Rali Meyer 2 days ago
yeah, like "Starbucks is toxic". It's normal part of your life! Wait a minute...
#11
I'm in the habit of saying sorry - even when I'm not at fault.
Did you do something wrong to me? Oops! I'm sorry!
Michael Largey 4 days ago
(With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy) - If you keep saying sorry when you're not at fault, then you might be a Canadian.
UnclePanda 3 days ago
I think that's the result of growing up in a highly critical environment.
TheForrestGreene (he/they/it) 4 days ago
I say sorry to tables when i bump into them, and then again say sorry to them for talking to an inanimate object
SchadenFreudian Psychology 3 days ago
It’s better than doing terrible things and being blatantly not-sorry.
Rabbit Lord 3 days ago
Honestly I did this now and then to be gentle to foreign people on the street when situations happen, just to calm them down. And I didn't care if I'm right or wrong at it, it doesn't matter.
#12
Being relaxed about all kinds of (lack of) privacy because 'I have nothing to hide'. You open so many doors by giving zo much info.
Michael Largey 4 days ago (edited)
When I was auditing tax returns, I was required to read the filer their privacy rights. Those who said they had nothing to hide usually had the most.
Learner Panda 12 hours ago
My MIL would come into my bedroom when I was getting ready for bed. No knock or any warning. She got told quite quickly that was not acceptable.
Not all toxic habits are about how we interact with others, some are about the quiet ways we damage ourselves. A perfect example is "doomscrolling." On the surface, it feels like a responsible, "harmless" habit. You're just staying informed about what's happening in the world, right?
But as Harvard Health explains, this endless consumption of bad news hijacks our brain's stress response system, keeping us in a perpetual state of high alert. It's like chain-smoking bad vibes. The people online confessed that this "harmless" habit was actually fueling their anxiety and making them feel helpless, proving that sometimes, the most toxic thing you can do is refuse to log off.
#13
Not resting when your body needs it. A lesson from someone now living with chronic illness: rest is not a treat, it’s a necessity.
UnclePanda 3 days ago (edited)
I could party for days and nights on end when I was young. Now I'm convinced I was stealing sleep from my future and that's why I'm tired all the time today.
Papa 3 days ago
I'd do that too, but then after about three days I'd go to bed and sleep for 12 hours without ever getting up, and I was good to go again.
Load More Replies... Child of the Stars 1 day ago
Redefining "rest" has gone a long way in managing my depression. For example: asking myself if I need sleep or just a day off from my regular routine? It's kept me from doing the "bed rot" thing, which can make my symptoms worse.
#14
Replaying fake arguments in your head so you’re “ready” if they ever happen. Feels harmless, but it keeps you stuck in fight mode with people who aren’t even there.
Apatheist Account2 4 days ago
Sometimes it's good to be prepared for what they might say. Otherwise you leave the argument and think of the good response later, which can be a downer.
Michael Largey 4 days ago
Yes, Groucho Marx called it "departee" - a repartee you think of only after you've left.
Load More Replies... Paul Rabit 3 days ago
'Oh yeah? Well the JERK STORE called.... and they're running out of YOU!"
#15
Constant positivity. Refusing to feel “negative” emotions is extremely unhealthy.
Michael Largey 4 days ago
Two negatives make a positive. Too many positives can make a negative.
Cla Ida 3 days ago
Throwback to losing my grandmother and having three friends kept telling me to be positive. No, I'm grieving, an ideal time to feel sad, and I intend on doing so. It was a few years ago, I was distraught and then I felt better. I'll still shed a tear occasionally thinking of her, but I don't see why I wouldn't. During the same period, my mom got prescribed antidepressants by a new physician, bc apparently feeling down when your mother expires in your arms isn't normal (she never took them).
SchadenFreudian Psychology 3 days ago
When you do this, you’re lying to yourself. And deep down inside, you’re angry that your feelings are being discounted (even though it’s you that’s doing it.)
After reading a list like this, it's easy to have a mini-panic attack and start analyzing every single thing you've ever done. But the point isn't to become paranoid; it's to recognize that a little dose of introspection is healthy.
The fact that so many people in the online thread were able to identify these habits in themselves and others is a good thing. It shows we're all learning to spot the subtle ways we can be better to ourselves and to the people around us. Recognizing the problem is the first, most important step, and sometimes, a bit of cringe is the best motivation to change.
Do you have any subtly toxic traits to add? Share them in the comments!
#16
Going to work sick.
(I don’t think it is harmless but most people I met do and it’s so infuriating).
Daisydaisy 3 days ago
Not only do they think it's harmless - they think it's heroic! Going in to work to give your germs to everyone else - and also ensuring you stay sicker longer because you refused to stay in bed for a couple of days when you first got sick ... not heroic at all!
Manic Mama 3 days ago
Aaaand this is how Walking Pneumonia went through our office. What makes it worse is that we're in Australia, where we have 10-days of paid sick leave per year.
Load More Replies... SchadenFreudian Psychology 3 days ago
That’s because of employers who give little to no paid time off, and it’s also part of overwork chic (at least in the U.S.) The U.S. needs a new labor movement badly.
CP 3 days ago
Not totally related, but a boss of mine recently said a sick day shouldn't be used to go fishing. All I heard him suggest was a great idea for a mental health sick day!
Papa 3 days ago
That is a medical condition. It's called "rectal glaucoma." It's when you just can't see your a-s-s going to work.
Load More Replies... #17
Self deprecating humor, I was told by a therapist when I was going through a period of depression to avoid it because "you know it"s a joke, but you're brain does not". So it's just adding to the negative self talk your brain is already dealing withm.
ArchangelLoki 3 days ago
This. My mental state has actually been better since I started reframing my jokes a few years ago. For example, if I stumble, instead of saying "I'm a clumsy moron", I say "I am the pinnacle of grace". Still a joke, but a positive one. It genuinely does help.
#18
People who have an upset tone frequently but wont let their partner know what’s up. Talked to my buddy about this recently and the tone is wildly exhausting if you live with your partner. It stifles the house, makes someone guess why you’re upset, and overall these people seem to lack any EQ. A tone can seem harmless but when they have a tone for days on end and withdraw themselves they’re miserable partners.
Callum Young 3 days ago
Passive aggression; also fear of the consequences of asking for anything for oneself. Family therapy would help provide more helpful/less threatening ways of communicating needs.
Stardust she/her 3 days ago
My mom always has an upset tone in the morning and that puts me on edge and makes me feel bad because I don’t like it when my first human interaction of the day is someone being upset
#19
Casual alcoholism.
#20
Not getting enough sleep. Not encouraging others to get enough sleep.
Cosmos in your eyes 2 days ago
I read parenting advice recently that said, "treat sleep like a sport." and I loved that mindset.
royal crablets 2 days ago
I tried that but keep getting flagged for intentional roughing.
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Stardust she/her 3 days ago
Dad forced me to stay up till midnight for several nights because I wasn’t studying well and he genuinely believes that 6 hours of sleep is more than enough for a teenager
SchadenFreudian Psychology 3 days ago
If I get enough sleep, I’ll never get to do anything except sleep and work. 😢
#21
Looking at your phone all the time.
keyboardtek 3 days ago
If the c**p on social media is more interesting than the people you are with, you need smarter more interesting friends.
#22
When someone says, “I’m the kind of person that just tells it like it is” as an excuse to be an obnoxious a-hole.
Daisydaisy 3 days ago
I've noticed that some people admire really nasty racist homophobic etc politicians for "having the guts to say what we're all thinking". Um ... no, I wasn't thinking that at all!
Michael Largey 3 days ago
And really nasty racist homophobic etc is not the product of actual thinking.
Load More Replies... CK 4 days ago
Tell it like it is right back to them. If they're being an assh*le, look them in the eye and say "you're being an assh*le." See how they like it.
Michael Largey 4 days ago
No, they only tell it like they think it is. That they don't recognize the difference is one of their chief problems.
SchadenFreudian Psychology 3 days ago
This should be #1. If you have to make an excuse for what you said (“Telling it like it is,” “just being honest”, “I was just joking”) then you probably shouldn’t have said it.
#23
Jokingly trash-talking people. You are actually insulting people, but doing it in a way that you can deny you are doing anything wrong. If the other person takes offense, THEY are the problem for not being able to take a joke and for being too sensitive.
#24
Not saying NO when you really feel like saying it.
Callum Young 3 days ago
All of us often feel like saying "no"; maturity is deciding how to evaluate the actual benefits and deficits, and making the decision for the greatest good.
#25
Habitual complaining and negative speech, use of harsh words and phrasing. Seems harmless or funny to many people. But we have increasing numbers of studies coming out showing that negative speech is processed by the brain much like violence, it has a slow burn toxic effect on the speaker and everyone who hears them. A lot of people need to understand that restraining the impulse to harsh and disparaging speech unless really necessary is nearly as important as restraining the impulse to violence.
#26
Religion.
#27
Bending over incorrectly - long term damage to the back is significant.
keyboardtek 3 days ago
They teach us advanced math, which is generally useless for most people, but fail to teach us how to properly care for our body.
Tyranamar Seuss 1 day ago
Work for a job where you have to lift things. They'll teach you how to properly lift.
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#28
Supporting your children even when they are wrong.
Michael Largey 4 days ago
Telling your child that they're wrong and explaining why is precisely the parental support they need. And you're betraying them if you don't give it.
Papa 3 days ago
I read something years ago that stuck with me. "If you constantly defend your child, some day you'll pay an attorney to do it."
Load More Replies... Callum Young 3 days ago
Supporting them in accepting and coping with the consequences of their behaviour with love and tolerance.
Stardust she/her 3 days ago
But don’t belittle them to the point of depression, if you’re going to criticise your child then please don’t say genuinely hurtful or offensive things and later complain that your child ‘can’t handle criticism’
SchadenFreudian Psychology 3 days ago
Too many parents think the sun shines out of their child’s bütthole.
#29
Tautological reasoning
"I always tell the truth, because I never lie..."
Run. Run away.
SchadenFreudian Psychology 3 days ago
The Bible is the word of god, because it says so in the Bible.
#31
Saying "just kidding" after something.
#32
“Don’t ask for permission; ask for forgiveness”
Sometimes you can’t un-mess something.
UnclePanda 3 days ago
I said this until I was forced to work the dark side (administration) where I became the one who had to clean up the messes.
#33
Doom scrolling on social media, tik tok, Facebook reels...
#34
Not washing ur hands... I've seen too many guys in and out of the washroom and do not wash.
Stardust she/her 3 days ago
I hate it when people do not wash their hands. It’s so gross yet these people are oddly proud of it sometimes and go around touching everything and each other
#35
Watching 12+ hours of TV a day — which is quickly being replaced by my Reddit Hyperfixation 😬😬.
#36
Being a helicopter parent, and saying "if u got nothing good to say dont say anything at all" has given us a generation of young adults who can't think for themselves and can't take criticism.
#37
Avoiding conflict at all costs.
#38
Comfort zone.
Child of the Stars 1 day ago
Having a comfort zone is okay. Refusal to step outside of it to the detriment of living life is not.
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