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Many say actions speak louder than words, which is why telling people you can do something is not equal to actually doing it. That’s also why sometimes, when an individual does something, said action can speak a thousand words on their character or upbringing, either good or bad.
Members of the ‘Ask Reddit’ subreddit recently discussed signs that show that a person was raised right. From cleaning up after themselves to being polite to service workers, and beyond, their actions usually speak for themselves, so if you’re curious what people perceive as signs of good upbringing, scroll down to find their thoughts on the list below.
Below you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with a licensed clinical psychologist, professor at the California School of Professional Psychology, and author of Teaching Kids to Think, Dr. Ronald Stolberg, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions on how to instill good manners in children.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Nothing. Sometimes the best people are good people not because their parents raised them that way, but because they used their parents as an example of how NOT to act.
Black Cat 1 year ago
When you have bad parents you have to recognize them for what they are and then make a conscious decision not to be like them. There have been times when I have been about to do or say something awful and then catch myself recognizing that's what my narcissistic mother would do/say, then do the opposite. Bad role models can be helpful if you can recognize they're not normal.
Guess Undheit 1 year ago
The breeders I had were racists, violent abusers behind closed doors, hypocritical, typically lying sack of sith christians. I am REALLY glad I am nothing like them.
BringMeMyDragons 1 year ago
Dude that's great you're different than them, but you are very unkind and apathetic in many of your comments and replys on here
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D. Pitbull 1 year ago
I would like to upvote this one - considering how terribly one parent 'raised' me and how the other one saw it all and just stepped aside, allowing it to happen, even telling me to 'accept it' - I can tell you I live every day constantly asking myself "is this what they would do? Am I turning into them? No? Then I'm good"
keyboardtek 1 year ago
Yes my dad was the classic 1950's values Archie Bunker racist mentality, and he chain smoked and drank heavily. He died a lonely miserable death after having two strokes and being stuck in a nursing home the last two years unable to walk, talk or even understand language. I never smoked, exercise daily and eat well.
Sergio Bicerra 1 year ago
The 'was raised well' is not always about the parents but despite them.
Kelsie Marx 1 year ago
That’s exactly what I did. There are a ton of things that my parents did to me, that I would never do to my sons 🙂
RELATED:
#2
One time, I drunk dialed my ex and I called the wrong number. It was this sweet old guy and we talked for an hour about how I shouldn’t call my ex and that I deserve better and how I just need to go to sleep and rest. I have no clue who this man is but I think about him often. He was a great human!
SuperChicken 1 year ago
I know, right? He should look at his phone's history. Sounds like the older gentleman has a lot of wisdom to share with OP.
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Beak Hookage 1 year ago
My pub used to offer a special deal where you buy a beer hogshead which you can bring back for refills whenever you like. On the back it says "DO NOT DRINK WHILE PREGNANT" "DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE" and "DO NOT TEXT EX"
#3
How they treat animals and people who are vulnerable.
Sherman 1 year ago
Yup. I don't trust ppl who don't like animals n I don't like ppl who don't atleast respect them.
InfiniteZeek 1 year ago
As an animal lover, and a cat dude, this is not a red flag to me. Some people have a genuine fear of animals no matter how cute they look and I respect that.
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Guess Undheit 1 year ago
ALL, not some. There are ash soles who will be infinitely nice but ONLY to some, bigots toward small minorities of people. Which means they are still ash soles.
Discussing the importance of parents teaching their child good manners, Dr. Ronald Stolberg emphasized that it’s extremely important to do that, but not for the reason you might think.
“Children who know what the expectations are for their behavior display less anxiety, are more confident, and can act naturally because they know what the expectations are for their behavior,” he explained. “Less anxiety and more confidence is something we all want for our kids.”
#4
I was working at a grocery store gas station in Arizona during the height of the pandemic. One summer night, a customer came in and pointed out an elderly man sitting in a wheelchair near the back of the building.
Long story short, it is obvious that he was dumped there. He was far away from the assisted living facility where he was staying, had no idea where he was, and given the fact that it was 110 degrees, it was lucky that he was alive.
That lady who alerted us to him? She stayed the entire time, helped figure out where he was from (he didn't speak much English), and even called her kids to say "mom's not gonna be home for awhile." She finally left after he'd been loaded into an ambulance and taken to the hospital almost 2 hours later.
Whomever had dropped him off? Worst of humanity. This woman? She was raised right.
Joseph Dixon 1 year ago
Just when you lost faith in humanity, you hear another story to back it up!
SuperChicken 1 year ago
What the heck?!? Bad enough that there are people dump/leave their pets anywhere out there to be on their own, but to leave an elderly in a wheelchair? That is the lowest of the low, in my opinion. I'm happy that the lady has the kindest heart to alert the employee and to be there with the old gentleman.
Leigh James 1 year ago
As Mr. Rogers said, " always look to the helpers....." To paraphrase: to restore your faith in humanity.
Moira Munguia 1 year ago
It was his daughter offloading him. Someone did that in the UK. He travelled from the USA with his dad and left him. He knew that he'd be taken care of and that he wouldn't have to pay
#5
When they can win a game and lose a game both without turning into a f*****g a*****e.
Sophie 1 year ago (edited)
please higher up, but according to my first hand experience it is mostly men who can't handle loosing... They startto shout like they'd be m*****d or starts being toxic like how lame is the other player in their teams and delete the game and etc... I experience this on daily basis. (Mostly its exactly their faults).
Alex Brooks 1 year ago
Worst gloater i have ever known was my ex girlfriend. She was so bad about losing too. I got fed up with the gloating and stopped holding back in Smash Brothers so she quit playing with me.
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Me 1 year ago
This might also depend on the person imo. I only say this because my older brother and I grew up in the same household. Good parents, good upbringing but ever since he was little, if he didn't win at any game we were playing he threw a huge fit. Because of this, my parents told me I had to let him win at pretty much anything. Additionally, he would gloat every time he won something. I am now in my mid 30s, brother turning 40 this year. We he visits, I refuse to play any game with him. His reactions to winning or losing is just awful.
Jenny Lind 1 year ago
My dad once described a man, that I think he doesn't like very much as "a sore loser and a worse winner" that always stuck with me and made me more mindful in games ♥️
CD Mills 1 year ago
Both my mom's and dad's families played games fairly often when I was a kid. They would let me play and help me, I was over the moon every time I got to play. I am honestly happy to play, win, lose or draw. I like to win, everybody likes to win but I've never gotten upset by losing because I GOT TO PLAY the PLAY is the fun part! The people having fun with you is the fun part. I'm not very competitive, I don't chase wins but I love to play.
Beak Hookage 1 year ago
Every time I go bowling I get absolutely steamrolled because I suck at bowling, but I don't care. It's fun even if I always lose. I just laugh when I get yet another gutter ball.
“Parents need to teach by example,” the expert continued. “Lots of research going back to Albert Bandura proves that our children are active observers and that they learn a lot more by watching and observing than they do through a lecture.
“The best outcome is when parents model the expected behavior, and when they observe concerning deviations, they have a calm conversation with their child and reinforce the desired manners. Then, the best way to get the desired behavior to become permanent is to reward the desired manners. Rewards can be praise, acknowledgement, or even a fun dessert or treat. Model behavior you want to see, then when you observe it happening organically, reward it,” Prof. Stolberg advised.
#6
Nothing on their phone is ever played out loud in a public space.
Ahmet Fahreddin 1 year ago
I truly detest those who play their stupid "music" on loudspeakers. If I were a dictator, I would ban loudspeakers.
sweetrottenpeaches 1 year ago
I wonder why people are so annoyed about this phenomenon, yet, I've never ever heard anyone stand up and berate, or public shame these people. Everyone is just sitting around annoyed and nothing happens. Every time I told these people to shut their phones, no one EVER stood nex to me.
SolitaryIntrovert 1 year ago
I keep my phone in my pocket unless I need to check my shopping list.
Joseph Dixon 1 year ago
I love it when you're waiting for your car to be fixed and someone's blaring YouTube videos. So considerate....
Hans Georg 1 year ago
My ringtone is, so I can hear when someone calls me. Does that mean I have a bad upbringing?
Alex Brooks 1 year ago
That is a ringtone. This is obviously about music and videos.
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#7
I was back in my hometown riding the city bus, two middle school boys got on the bus and sat in the priority seating. After a little while the bus started filling, at one stop an elderly lady got on with a walker and a shopping bag. The two boys popped up to give her the seat and helped her with her things.
It may seem like a common thing, but I can guarantee it won't happen in my current city.
Ahmet Fahreddin 1 year ago
I recently had a verbal bout with a 20-25 year old girl who was sitting on the dedicated seats for elderly disabled and pregnant people, when a kind old man stood up for my wife and 3 year old son to sit, but she would refuse to give the old man the seat when I asked her kindly, and said instead, "Am I the only one in this bus?", then she started shouting and saying those old people are taking the bus to do their shopping, but I may be working 12 hours a day. She made prejudicial judgments about that old man and she was lying about herself working that long or having any health issues, I could see that. If I were sitting at dedicated seats, and somebody had asked me to stand up for an old person I wouldn't come up with rude excuses or shout at the person who is asking me to give the seat to the elderly. But here we are...
KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
It's hit and miss in London. Schoolkids can be surprisingly cool. Mind you, our buses have constant CCTV and the bus drivers are not afraid of locking the doors and calling out s**t behaviour or the BT cops if necessary.
Kelsie Marx 1 year ago
That’s what I hope my son does when he gets older! This one warmed my heart ♥️!
#8
I'm a high school teacher. When it comes to getting kids into pairs of groups there's always a bit of awkward tension. There's always a few kids who don't have any friends and then I have to put them in a group and risk a negative reaction which makes everyone uncomfortable. When students notice, without me saying anything, who the kids are without friends and immediately go over and ask to be their partner or invite to join their group.
Diolla 1 year ago
Oh. I AWAYS got picked last unless it was teams for basketball because I was the longest girl .
D. Pitbull 1 year ago
No one did this for me - yep.. I was the unpopular last-picked one (like, I'm sure, many people can relate) and unfortunately my teachers were USUALLY more of the 'Try to be popular with the popular kids' type... so... I was lumped in together with the other 'uncool kids' - which for the most part worked out... sometimes though, the uncool kids were also very unhinged kids... so it could get a bit dicey.
Lynn Marie 1 year ago
That is kind of the students, but it's the teacher's job to make sure it's not necessary. They can pull names, numbers, jigsaw duties, by topics within the subject according to interest of the students, etc. Those work out well in my classroom.
“The best way to help your child develop good manners is for them to know explicitly what is expected of them,” Dr. Stolberg emphasized. “Not every family will think the same behaviors are important, so parents need to be clear what is expected in their family. I like to call these 'family rules'. Not every family will have the same rules, but a child that knows exactly what is expected in terms of their behavior is more likely to display the desired manners and behavior.”
#9
Throwing away their fast food rubbish at a shopping center food court. I have distanced myself from someone because they said "that's the cleaner's job" no. The cleaner's job is to wipe the tables down, it's not a sit in restaurant, throw your damn rubbish out.
Swinger Panda 1 year ago
Be mindful of the work you leave for others. --John Hodgman, Judge John Hodgman Settled Law #9
Guess Undheit 1 year ago
Remember when oil prices were high? I lost count of nouveau riche Russians who were the worst cuffing ash soles as tourists. They didn't just leave stuff on the tables, they would deliberately pour the rest of their drink all over the table and chairs, dump any remaining food on the floor.
Ahmet Fahreddin 1 year ago
Some parents think that it's okay to let their children make a mess in a restaurant. That parent happens to be my wife.
- 1 year ago
I hope the children listen when you tell them to behave better.
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KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
"You hear" - maybe you should try getting out of your own country sometime and actually witness Brits in the wild. Or anything that is not USA and it's own piggy people in the wild.
Load More Replies... #10
They admit when they're wrong.
kissmychakram 1 year ago
My father would never admit when he was wrong, which is partly why I do. Nothing to do with being "raised right".
Karina 1 year ago (edited)
You raised your own game, so yes its about being raised right. It just wasnt your father, it was you ❤️ edit spelling
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Saphyre Fyre 1 year ago
I most DEFINITELY did NOT have a proper upbringing (severe and chronic abuse and neglect) and I know how to admit when I am wrong; I have no issue apologizing.
D. Pitbull 1 year ago
Ahh.. the key to a REAL apology (And one that is warranted). Some folks don't understand that if you say "I was wrong..........and it totally wasnt' my fault, it was unavoidable" you're not 'admitting' you're wrong. You're parroting some words, then giving an excuse as to why you're not responsible for the wrong-thing you did (unless you can actually provide an explanation as to why your action/inaction was actually completely out of your control, that is - they never seem to have one)
Michael Largey 1 year ago
"I was wrong once. I thought I had made a mistake - but of course I hadn't."
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 1 year ago
Cats are never wrong! If we dismount ungracefully from the top shelf, we aggressively wash our butts to prove we meant to do that. And as for house rules? It's our house. We allow soft can-openers to serve and worship us, but we make the rules. Spray WET at us, and you WILL be punished.
Joseph Dixon 1 year ago
That's no way to get ahead in your career. Have to pretend you're infallible and throw people under the bus.
#11
They are polite to minimum wage workers.
Kobe (she) 1 year ago
You mean : they are polite. (it is not okay to be unpolite to non-minimum wage workers, elderly, or anyone else for that matter).
Noho 2000 1 year ago
I've dated women who seemed polite, but treated service employees like dirt. They don't always show their stripes right off.
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Heras buddy 1 year ago
When they return the shopping buggy. Two kinds of people don't be that one
Michael Largey 1 year ago (edited)
Better - If they are employers, they pay their workers more than minimum wage and are polite to them.
In an interview with Bored Panda, the expert noted that, when it comes to raising children, it’s difficult to determine what’s ‘right’. “Remember that there are significant cultural differences when it comes to things like making eye contact, shaking hands, speaking without being spoken to, and so on,” he said.
“Therefore, I think a child that is kind, considerate, and positive when talking about others was probably raised 'right' regardless of some of the other markers that we might associate with good manners, like making eye contact when speaking to you.”
#12
Keeping trash in their pockets until they get to a trash can.
keyboardtek 1 year ago
My wife comes back from every walk carrying a lot of trash. Living in a rural small town near the mountains one would think the people here have a greater respect for the environment, but nope, they still litter.
Judy Reynolds 1 year ago
I have started collecting cans while I am walking the dog. Can't handle too much more, since he is young and rambunctious. Maybe when he calms down...
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Red PANda (she/they) 1 year ago
One of my friends always picks up litter whenever we walk. I had the habit as well but i stopped during COVID and never really picked it up again. After seeing her, she inspired me and a couple other friends to pick it up whenever we went out on walks together.
#13
I'll brag. My son was a waiter at a popular spot. A tourist paid with cash, left no tip. My son noticed the bill was stuck with another of the same value (like when they come out of the ATM) so it was obviously not a tip. He went out and ran after the man to give him the money back. His coworkers asked why he didn't keep it. He said simply "it wasn't mine". Love that kid.
Red PANda (she/they) 1 year ago
Being kind even when you’re at a loss to do so…that takes some serious willpower
Mimi M 1 year ago
Here's the funny thing - if you're raised right (or just are that way), it takes no willpower at all.
Load More Replies... sweetrottenpeaches 1 year ago
I've been a waiter for a long time. I can assure you their wage is ridiculously low considering how hard their job is. Dealing with trash people 99% of their workday is extremely hard. Even the best tip is not enough to console you for what you have to swallow from the dirty trash that goes out eating.
Beak Hookage 1 year ago
I accidentally dined and dashed the other day! I went up and paid as usual, but just as I was disappearing into the shopping centre outside this poor waitress comes sprinting after me and catches me just in time to say the machine glitched and my payment didn't go through! I went back and joked about how I nearly got away with it. XD
#14
If they give you a ride somewhere and when dropping you off…watch to make sure you get in the door ok…they were raised right.
Sherman 1 year ago
I watch too much true crime to not do this. The amount of cases I have heard of where someone gets dropped off and in the time between the car n the door something horrible happens. Nope. I'm going to watch you walk in. I'm going to make sure you're good n I'm going to text you when I get home .
Natalie Kelsey 1 year ago
My mom lost a friend in her teenage friend group to a murderer lurking in the bushes at her front door.The group dropped her off first and didn't wait. My whole growing up, my mom never left anyone we dropped off until they were safe inside. Now I do the same and have taught my kids to do it too.
Nikki Gross 1 year ago
I ALWAYS watch to make sure the person gets inside before I leave when I'm dropping them off. I also walk my friends/Sister's to there car after dark and make sure they are in and the vehicle is started, then they wait for me to go back in the house and shut the door. I'll look out my front window and watch them drive away and ALWAYS call me when they get home and inside, it doesn't matter if it's the middle of the night and 0'dark 30. I've spent my life living in the Hood, so I would rather be considered paranoid then to have something happen to a loved one.
- 1 year ago (edited)
Up to you. I feel pretty safe in my area, but I wouldn't object to someone waiting for me to get inside. I would only object if the driver made me nervous. I once told a creepy taxi driver to drop me off a few blocks from my home, in a well-lit area with lots of people.
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According to Dr. Stolberg, parents should do the best that they can to be good role models for the behavior they are looking for from their children. “It is also important to remember that nobody is perfect all the time. If parents can model that they sometimes struggle with their own manners it will help them be better teachers and be more patient while their children learn what is expected of them.
“Clear expectations, good modeling, reinforcing the desired behavior, and patience are required to teach kids good manners,” the expert summed up.
#15
They’re respectful to those with language barriers.
Kobe (she) 1 year ago
Why are so many of these topics so oddly specific? To be polite to .... To be respectful to... how the treat peolpe and/ or animals that.....Let me fix that : When they are polite and respectful. How they treat others and animals - there - easy as that.
Alex Brooks 1 year ago
Because people are often “polite” when they have to be. Being polite when you do not have to be is the real test.
Load More Replies... Lil Miss Hobbit 1 year ago
I work in fast-food and I had a guy order and I asked him to repeat something and he said "Oh I'm so sorry for my English. I am still learning." He obviously was genuinely concerned he was inconveniencing me. I felt so bad because it wasn't his English, it was the fan behind us.
- 1 year ago
If it happens again, you can say, "You're learning quite well, but the fan is a bit loud." I sometimes like to end reassurances with a joke, so in my case, it would come out as, "Your English is fine" then me turning to tell the fan, "You, shut up! I'm trying to hear the soup of the day!"
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#16
How people treat other people who:
* Cannot possibly give them anything
* Are serving them
Also what they do when no one is looking, or when it would be unlikely they saw any consequences. (i.e. on anonymous forums on the Internet) 😂.
Julian 1 year ago
Had this discussion with my husband many times. We run a car repair shop and a clothing store. I currently run the store and he, the repair shop. How customers treat us is VERY different! Him they need, because their beloved car needs fixing and thus they are extremely polite. Me on the other hand, only provide material things that are not really needed so treating me like a bag of dog poo, or tossing things areound the store like there's no tomorrow, is par for the course. We both serve people but apparently we are not equally worth as humans.
Stannous Flouride 1 year ago
You are not the ones of less than equal worth. Their behavior shows who really is though.
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TribbleThinking 1 year ago
This. I watch how they treat the office cleaners and and waitresses. Just because you suck up to me when I'm dressed in a suit doesn't mean I haven't been gauging your true character when watching you interact with someone you have decided isn't important.
UpupaEpops 1 year ago (edited)
My great-grandfather taught me this: " The way you treat someone richer than you are is who you are when you are scared and uncomfortable because those people can harm you or help you. The way you treat your equal is how you see yourself because those are the people around whom you can afford to be yourself. But the way you treat someone who has less than what you have is who you are as a person." To this day I consider this one of the most important lessons I have learned.
Joanne Mendonza-Earle 1 year ago
Pet peeve: When someone does a good deed and then brags about it on social media. Allegedly to 'raise awareness and inspire others' but I see it as a desperate attempt for compliments. My dad taught me to do good deeds b/c it's the right thing to do, not to get accolades.
- 1 year ago (edited)
It varies and I don't think your father's rule applies to everyone in every situation. A writer I knew from school has little stories about his life on Facebook, including his good deeds. He's also very sociable, doesn't take himself too seriously, and has a great sense of humour, including about his fair-sized honker. In all these years, only one person has objected on the grounds of "virtue signalling". I've met folks who do virtue signalling and it looks different to me: they say good-sounding things, but don't behave that way.
Load More Replies... Nikki Gross 1 year ago (edited)
I've ALWAYS been taught to treat everyone with respect and equals. Another lesson is to treat people well when you're moving up in life, because if something happens those are the same people you'll see when you fall. People will remember if you treated them like dirt or stepped on you to get further in life and that will bite you on the a*s if you were a douchebag to them.
#17
A year after my mom died, in a moment of despair, I texted her a long message about how much I missed her and how sorry I was that we struggled to see eye to eye in her last months. I was distraught and wasn’t thinking clearly; it didn’t occur to me that her number may have been recycled. The new “owner” of her phone number texted me back and said something like, “Hey, you’ve got the wrong number, but I’m so sorry you’ve lost your mom. I’m sure she loved you and is watching over you”. I lost it. Good humans exist.
Oddball 1 year ago
Yep, lots of pollen in the air today along with the onions.
Load More Replies... KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
My cousin has my aunt's phone. I okayed it with him and I still send her messages and pictures and the occasional sobbing voicenote. (7m ago). He's fine with that and he can either read them or not, up to him. However she was a fricking AMAZING person and that boy was raised right. I am only raised right because she was a better mother to me than my own "flesh oven".
#18
I’m in my 30s and moved my dad up to where I live a few years ago. I came home from work one day and it was pouring rain. My dad had been waiting on the porch with an umbrella to walk me from my car so I would not get wet.
#19
Offering to help with tasks as a guest at someone's house. A friend of my wife consistently offers to help prepare food and clean after I cook dinner. Fabulous dude with excellent parents.
Blondie23 1 year ago
My mother raised me to always help and clean and cook and whatever when at someone else's house. I questioned her once and she said to me that just because we are guests doesn't mean they are servants. It's just good manners to show appreciation and help out! So I always have, it's just a natural thing for me now....
D. Pitbull 1 year ago
I don't offer to help prep food because I'm a lethal chef.. like, I'd ruin the food - but I always ask if I can help with the clean up/dishes/whatever... and I've been trying to ENCOURAGE the others friends who are there to do the same... and they all feel very comfortable just turning a blind eye and shouting "Thanks!!!" as they leave.
Beak Hookage 1 year ago
Went to a booze-up at someone's house once and they found me in the kitchen, drunkenly cleaning the stove! Got ushered out back to the beer pong table protesting "but it's so dirty!"
Brian Droste 1 year ago
What happens if the host says no, I got this you are my guest. Sit back and relax. What would you do then?
#20
The ones that pay attention to the overlooked people in a group and include them in the conversation too instead of treating them like a background character.
L H 1 year ago
This is done with good intentions, but we introverts would rather you didn't - some people don't want to join in with the group.
Patty Panda 1 year ago
I just really want the courtesy of being introduced or acknowledged. Just so I know I'm valued. THEN let me listen in on your conversation with limited participation on my part.
D. Pitbull 1 year ago
I do this on a case-by-case basis... it's about learning body-language (or just getting to know people) - like if they look like they're getting READY to say something - or the lips twitch because they want to respond, but can't quite muster it... then, extend a hand.. if they're looking comfortable like kermit with his tea? All good, watch the show, my dude.
Beak Hookage 1 year ago
Had a birthday party and one of the friends I invited didn't know anyone there and was looking bored and unhappy, so I introduced her to another friend with similar interests. They were happily chatting away in no time. Still proud of myself for that one!
Michael Largey 1 year ago
But the background is exactly where we introverts have worked hard to be in!
#21
They make their kids clean up all the toys they get out when they come to my house!
Kelsie Marx 1 year ago (edited)
I taught my son how to clean up at a very young age. He’s 8 now, and I still have him clean up his messes, even if he doesn’t want to. I’m now having him start to put his clothes away, and help clean other areas of the house. My sister-in-law, didn’t do this with her kids, and when one of her son’s got married, his wife had to teach him how to clean and do the laundry. Totally ridiculous 🙄! She was also shocked that my son knew how to put things away. You have to teach them young and as they grow, continue to teach them new things, so when they leave the house they know what they are doing!
#22
They don’t expect something in return.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
My mother told me "Never feel entitled to gratitude. And that's not the point, anyway."
D. Pitbull 1 year ago
Yup.. unless it's a business thing (ie; I work job, you pay me paycheque!), I do things/give gifts/favours without expecting a return. HOWEVER, if I get a negative return (ie: the person decides that the ideal response is to start taking advantage of me/treating me like a servant/go-fer) then... I stop doing the things/favours.
Joseph Dixon 1 year ago
People always come at you nice when they want something. Guard goes up.
- 1 year ago (edited)
For me, the issue has been balancing attention to others with time for myself. I was someone's emotional support during a hard time in their life. I thought it would last about a year, but it stretched into two, then more... Anyways, I got compassion fatigue and panicked at the thought of being the "good friend" forever. I'm very happy if I can make someone's life happier, but if draining if they're rarely happy. I'm a bit more careful now that I've learned that I need to take care of myself, too.
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- 1 year ago
That comment above is vague and quite open to discussion. It's very context dependent.
Load More Replies... #23
My senior year in high school (96), my church youth group (which was run by probably the greatest history teacher ever) took a trip to DC. Man did we have a good time. Anyway, we were taking the Metro and I was sitting in a seat. At a stop people got on. One was a lady probably in her mid 50's. I stood up and offered her my seat. She thanked me and sat down. She look at me and said "You aren't from around here, are you?" I looked at Mr. Thompson and said, "No ma'am. We are from Alabama." I don't think I had ever seen him look that proud about anything. I bet I heard him tell that story 3 times while we were on that trip. I've never felt so good about doing the right thing. Here in Alabama, that is just something we are taught. I know, tooting my own horn, but I think that qualifies. Him being so proud of me is one of my all-time fondest memories.
Jill Rhodry 1 year ago
Awesome teacher too - catch your kids doing something right and let them hear you brag about their kindness, compassion etc
Alex Brooks 1 year ago
We are not just raised by our parents, but by the village we grew up in.
#24
Fill the tank when they borrow a car.
FoxEcoLimaIndiaCharlieIndiAlfa 1 year ago
I just need to borrow it, right quick...
Load More Replies... Scary Laugh 1 year ago
Is borrowing a car a "thing" outside the US? I've never heard of it in the UK unless it's an absolute emergency because of the limited insurance cover.
#25
When they wait for you to get in the house/building before they leave.
Daria 1 year ago
I thought you let people exit before entering, no? According to the etiquette.
Papa 1 year ago
I believe it means when someone is riding with you in your car, you let them out at their house, and they wait to make sure you get inside before they leave.
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#26
When they don’t talk badly about someone’s physical appearance.
Joseph Dixon 1 year ago
Never understood this, other than it being a sign of their own insecurities.
keyboardtek 1 year ago
Young teens are valued mostly by their appearance as their personality has yet to fully form. Their brains are fairly shallow. It takes a few years of bad experiences with humans to learn that having a nice personality and integrity are more important than appearances.
Load More Replies... #27
When they’re at your house for dinner and they offer to help with the dishes.
Karina 1 year ago
You dont offer, you do. If you offer, people will decline even if they want the help, since you are a guest. So you have to deside if you want to be seen as a guest, or a friend.
D. Pitbull 1 year ago
I offer... because... I've learned and observed... people have their own way with how their dishes are done... But, I also agree that (polite, non-graspy) people will usually decline because you're a guest - so I'll just start... washing my own plate and if it's not clear WHAT I'm washing with (there are a suprisingly diverse number of ways people keep their cleaning sponge/not-sponge/brush/cloth/cleaning-thing), I'll just ask "So do I use this here? Is this the dish soap?" - even so, sometimes and at particular households, I'll get CHASED from the kitchen (either because me washing my own is actually an affront to them, or they really are THAT particular about their dishes).
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#28
In a meeting, some of my kid’s (middle school) teachers told me that he thanks them as he exits class each day. That made me proud even though I’m not the one who directly taught him that.
#29
I bartend and worked in restaurants forever. When the ONE person in a group/party can help sort out tabs when everyone is lit, offer to help pay whatever is left, communicate appetizers properly, be kind in the midst of the chaos. Absolute gems.
Soton_Sherpa 1 year ago
When I ran pubs (bars for our American friends), whenever we had a staff night out one person was the nominated sober person. They didn't have to pay for their soft drinks or food and got free food on the next outing. Their only job was to make sure that we were welcome back!
D. Pitbull 1 year ago
After being schooled/told off by servers when I was a younger-teen (I was rude, didn't know what was appropriate/not-appropriate - hoo boy, did they set me straight... and quickly), I'm always now asking (myself in my head or them directly) "What can I do to make your job easier? You have to deal with a million jackholes a day. I don't want to be one of them, even if by accident."
KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
I am the person who can sort out tabs but that is because I like bsic math and can calculate really quickly while others are still trying to get their phone through facial recognition...
#30
Knowing when to be kind and knowing when to be firm.
Ian Shaw 1 year ago
When both are good people, certainly, but if the other party isn't responding to kindness or both...
Load More Replies... D. Pitbull 1 year ago
... and you know those who weren't raised right when 'being firm' to them is, in itself, a reason for them to throw tantrum.
#31
If they wait to keep the door open so other people can pass! (Restaurants, Gas Stations, Stores)
Let me tell you that in my city the majority of the people don't do this or even say thank you 💀.
Spencer's slave no longer 1 year ago
This is one of the most simple things to do and I always thank anyone who does this for me. Courtesy is so easy.
Bored Panda 1 year ago
Absolutely, a little courtesy goes a long way! Thanks for appreciating the good manners in others. 😊
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 1 year ago
When I'm in a group, I always hold doors open for everyone else. I'm not sure if that represents good manners or just a lack of trust.
Joanne Mendonza-Earle 1 year ago
I always hold the door for people and say thank you when it's held for me. But I can't help but snark 'you're welcome' when someone walks past me and doesn't acknowledge my holding the door. Or I'll snark, 'thank you' when someone lets the door close on my face w/o holding it for me.
#32
When a person you don't know willingly comes up to you when you're crying and tells you that everything will be okay and lets you talk.
Lil Miss Hobbit 1 year ago
I think it's weird in every culture, but it needs to be done.
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#33
When in a social setting, they don't punch down when trying to be funny. Also, self deprecating humor can tell you a lot about a person.
Spencer's slave no longer 1 year ago
Yup, don't take the p.i.s.s out of anyone if you can't take the p.i.s.s out of yourself first.
Joanne Mendonza-Earle 1 year ago
You know who was self depracating? David Cassidy. I saw him in concert in 2006 and not only was he utterly hilarious and truly great musician, he was so, so gracious to and appreciative of his fans.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
When I started teaching, I soon found that making snarky insult jokes about students was not a good way to win over teenagers, no matter how light-heartedly intended. Since I knew I probably couldn't stop making those jokes, I started making all of them about myself. Worked great.
#34
They don't talk during the show at the movies or at plays.
Lil Miss Hobbit 1 year ago
This doesn't bother me at all. I would say "When they ask what sort of movie watcher you are BEFORE the movie." That way they know if it's okay to whisper or you just want to watch in silence.
roddy 1 year ago
When you're in a theatre there are lots of people to consider, not just your seat mate.
Load More Replies... #35
How someone handles making amends if they’ve caused harm. A lot of people wallow in shame when they’ve found out their actions caused pain. People who were raised right can sit in that discomfort, make the apology, and then hold themselves accountable.
#36
When you bring up a boundary of yours, and they genuinely listen. They don’t argue or try to push back, even after the conversation is over.
Lil Miss Hobbit 1 year ago
When you state a boundary and they just go "Okay," and then remember it and you never hear it again.
#37
The ability to show empathy, respect, and kindness towards others, regardless of their background or circumstances. They are often polite, considerate, and willing to lend a helping hand when needed. They also exhibit strong moral values and integrity in their actions and decisions.
Spencer's slave no longer 1 year ago
It really isn't that hard to be a decent human being. What's truly sad is that we now categorise decency as being an extraordinary attribute that requires notice and praise.
Papa 1 year ago
Maybe we're looking at it different, but to me it's just pointing out an indication someone was raised well. It doesn't necessarily mean that behavior is extraordinary.
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#38
They are ok with giving someone else the spotlight.
Hans Georg 1 year ago
They can even have the spotlight intended for me if people leave me alone.
#39
They give respect to people they both know and don't know rather demanding everyone earn that common decency from them.
Soton_Sherpa 1 year ago
I will respect you right up until you show me that you don't deserve that respect!
Michael Largey 1 year ago
"It hurts no one to be considered a scoundrel worthy of respect until he proves himself a friend worthy of trust." - Ambrose Bierce
#40
Specifically in men: someone who acts like the designated dad of every situation, making sure everyone’s alright and settled. Makes things less stressful and more enjoyable so no one else has to worry but him.
Either means they were raised very right, or that they were raised by very flighty parents and they had to raise themselves….
Spencer's slave no longer 1 year ago (edited)
Sometimes boys are raised to be decent, caring men without them giving a fat rat's bum about anyone else's opinion or ideas about what "real men" are.
Ineke Pronk 1 year ago
The wording on this one feels wrong. "Having one person be the dad so no one has to worry except him" If it is always the same person then it will create stress cause that person will never get to feel really relaxed. It might have started out of wanting to help/protect friends, but can easily get taken advantage off. "He is the dad of the group cause he likes it." Even though it might be because the rest of the group are numbskulls who would off themselfs for a beer by not seeing the risks.
Lil Miss Hobbit 1 year ago
The best is when the friends trade off being "mom" or "dad" of the group. Sometimes it's my turn, sometimes it's yours.
#41
I was at the DMV getting my license renewed and this elderly man was talking to an agent about how he needed an uber. I guess someone called him a uber to get to the DMV but he had no idea how to do it himself. I don't use uber but my understanding is you have to have the app to get a ride. A very pretty lady next to me overheard this and offered to give the man a ride home after she finished up at the DMV. The man asked her where she lived and when she replied he said thats the opposite direction a good 20 mins out of your way.. The pretty lady simply said that's ok I just want you to make it home..
The elderly man also had a strong odor of poop. Like he may have had an accident. I simply looked at the pretty lady and said damn you are nice.. WAYYY nicer then me..
This was years ago and I still think about how pretty that lady is and how pretty her soul is.
#42
They fold the blankets or make the bed after sleeping over. Respectful of boundaries.
KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
I even do this in hotels. Mind you I did a fair stint at boarding school.
Lil Miss Hobbit 1 year ago
People like it when we fold the blankets??? My mom always had us do that, and I wondered if it mattered.
#43
They stand up to shake hands.
PattyK 1 year ago
Not sure about this one. If the client stands up because he or she is on the way out, does the vendor have to stand up too?
Shark Lady 1 year ago
It's generally considered good manners to stand and see the client to the door. I've been out of the business world for a while though, so I'm kind of assuming things haven't changed that much.
Load More Replies... #44
Men that are mindful of women’s fear when alone and keep a respectful distance if they are in a situation where there are not many bystanders around.
Lynette Vella 1 year ago
My husband was amazed when I told him this fear is what girls grow up with, and that it never leaves them for the rest of their lives. He couldn't imagine living like this. He's a really loud extrovert, but he was silent for a long time after I told him this.
#45
Walking tiptoe on a wet floor when they pass the person mopping it. being respectful and nice to servers.
Arthur Waite 1 year ago
I always feel embarrassed when I walk across a floor being mopped. I'll 'walk lightly', and pass the mopper with an apologetic look. Sometimes, I get a laugh back, sometimes a grumble. At least I showed them I tried. . .
Petra Schaap 1 year ago
i always ask, and or apologize. I work as a cleaner myself, i dont care as long as you are at least polite, dont ignore me, and dont go back and forward all the time. I really dont give a s**t about that floor, just give ME some respect!
#46
I met this girl in my second semester college biology class (lab partner) and she would always ask me how I was doing with a clear genuine sincerity, and seemed to genuinely care about everyone she interacted with. It’s a very small detail, but it is something that is often not done and it is nice to know that I’ve always got someone to fall back to if i’m having a tough time, and i’m glad to call her one of my closest friends now.
Joseph Dixon 1 year ago
Usually people ask how you're doing and the last thing they want is a real answer. So you have to say, "Great and you?!?"
#47
(Especially a dude) who can cook. It erases at least four red flags.
Luke Branwen 1 year ago
Picked up cooking a while ago, like doing it, and it allegedly also tastes good. And I'm the clumsiest, most impractical dude you can possibly imagine, so other men have no excuse ✌️
CD Mills 1 year ago (edited)
I raised my kids on a ranch so both of them learned how to do every job on the ranch. I also taught them to cook and clean, do laundry, all of it. My son likes cooking because he really likes eating. My daughter can change a tire and not have to wait for rescue. We gave both of our kids a wide variety of skills because life is complicated and the more things you can do/the more skills you have makes you more independent and capable. They border on fearless, it makes me both proud and scared. P.S. The only people who should cook, are the ones who eat.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
I'm a guy who can cook because I worked as a cook during the summers when I was in college. But I still apparently have more red flags the old May Day parades in Moscow.
What do you think ?
Will Cable 1 year ago
If I get a call I will go to a quiet room, however someone I know leaves their TV loud in the background, you can hardly hear what they are saying.
CrazyKnitter 1 year ago
I'm very introverted and very weird, so I have very few close friends. However, I hope that every single one of them knows that if they really need help, I'd be there, no questions asked.
Will Cable 1 year ago
If I get a call I will go to a quiet room, however someone I know leaves their TV loud in the background, you can hardly hear what they are saying.
CrazyKnitter 1 year ago
I'm very introverted and very weird, so I have very few close friends. However, I hope that every single one of them knows that if they really need help, I'd be there, no questions asked.
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