Humans are complex creatures. Some are like an open book, but there are also those whose personalities you won’t crack for months, if not years.
When it comes to narrow-minded, rude, and selfish people, usually, it’s all pretty noticeable at first sight – however, circling back to the whole “hidden characteristics” malarkey, some do an outstanding job masking their jerky selves. So, wouldn’t it be great to know the subtle signs that can help you identify the type of people that shouldn’t be a part of your life?
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Halfway through the grocery store, in the middle of the rice aisle, or somewhere equally warm, they suddenly decide they don't need the frozen / refrigerated item in their cart after all, and rather than returning it to where they found it, they instead choose to just leave it on the shelf. There is nothing preventing them from putting it back in the cooler / freezer, but they're actively making the choice to allow fish, raw meat, milk / ice cream, or whatever else to sit in the open air, and spoil.
The Waiter Test. The person who is nice to you but isn't nice to the waiter isn't nice person. This also applies to cashiers, counter help, hotel clerks, custodians, security guards and everyone else in similar positions.
HOWEVER, don't apply the waiter test the first time you meet someone. Wait until they've been around you a few times and are comfortable in their skin around you. The first few times they are on their best behavior.
You can judge the character of a person by how they treat someone who can do nothing for them. I've never found this to fail.
Every time you interact with them, you feel worse than before.
I had a SUPER toxic “friend” in 6th grade. Classic queen bee, told dirty jokes, talked s**t to and about everyone, never supported anyone… and you loved her anyways at the time. I’m so glad she’s gone now.
Never saying sorry. We are people. We make mistakes. And even if we didn't mean to, our words and behavior can hurt other people's feeling. Just say sorry and move on, it's not a big deal. But if someone is refusing to do so, it is a red flag to me.
I've heard, "I don't say I'm sorry unless I think I was wrong!" Not the best approach, there
when they promote toxic positivity. like the people that go "what are you depressed for? you're alive, you get to see the earth with your eyes." when you actually need professional help. one of my exes used to be like this, he would dismiss me everytime i told him that i might need to visit a therapist. he would tell me how being born and getting to live is a reason enough to not be depressed. after our breakup, i heard he used to and still promotes that therapy is useless. f**k you, i'm way better now that i took my anti depressants
When they talk s**t behind everyone's back but have what I like to call a sticky sweet personality to their face. I know some people like that
I have a perfect example. An older guy with whom I shared office space. The kind that says, "oh by the way, what happened to that girl you were dating..." and then uses your response to gossip. I'm getting a kick out of ignoring his emails and phone calls. Loser.
When they regularly make negative comments and claim it's just a joke or criticism. Usually about the way you dress, talk, etc.
Sitting in someone else’s seat before a flight hoping it’s empty and then trying to convince you switch seats with them. Lady I’m 6’5 and paid extra for this aisle seat I’m not sitting in the middle.
One advantage to being big and ugly, no one ever tries this with me. I usually don't even have to say anything, just exist and people scramble to get out of my way.
I’m a man but anyone who pressures you to take a condom off sucks. They don’t respect you and are light weight creepy. Keep that s**t wrapped up boys and girls don’t let anyone tell you what is and isn’t comfortable. Yes it is way worse with a condom on but if thems the rules that’s the rules.
Way worse is a bit of a stretch. That's like saying vanilla ice cream is way worse than chocolate. It may not be quite as good, but you're still eating ice cream.
When they make everything about them.
An ex best friend and I used to work together, and used to car pool. I got made redundant and was so upset. I rang her to tell her the news, looking for comfort, and she said: ‘How am I supposed to get into work now?’
Should have walked then…it would have saved a lot of stress.
Edit: Guys, she was not neurodivergent, just an a*****e. I am riddled head to toe with ADHD, so I understand that sometimes our brains react a little differently.
We were friends for 7 years and it took me a long time to realise that all she cared about was herself. She used to break into my phone and read my messages, she read my diary, she would ghost me for days but kick off when I wasn’t available to see her…she even slept with my ex bf. The saddest part is that the friendship only fell apart when I gained self-respect and set some boundaries. She was a narcissist.
I know you have great intentions, but stop adding imaginary context when I am telling you this person was an almighty a*****e.
You feel the need to be careful with how and what you say to them because they'll twist words to make you sound like the bad guy. Too many "misunderstandings" can make you extremely conscious of yourself and make you walk on eggshells
When they’re always the victim in conflicts with friends, coworkers, etc.
They're all conspiring to eat lunch while I'm on a phone call and can't join them!
They say you’re wrong for getting upset at their wrong behavior.
They are very concerned with making sure you know they're a good person.
If they disrespect people's boundaries, no matter how small or simple they are.
Unless they’re a cat. Then you suck it up and let your master do as they please :3
If they constantly use their trauma as an excuse for everything bad they're doing. Also, using trauma for guilt triping when they want to get something.
There is a limited number of times or length of time in which you can play that card. At some point, you've got to accept it and stop making your life, and everyone else's life, about your trauma.
If someone makes fun of someone smiles or laughter. My mom used to tell me how werid my smile was and say it was annoying when I laughed it's a s****y thing to do.
Edit: thanks everyone for the support and I'm sorry to hear some of your stories. I also want to mention that there's a difference between disliking someone's laughter and making fun of it, I've personally heard laughs that I've thought were a bit strange but that thought stays in my head were belongs were it can only effect me.
How horrible! Seeing someone smile or hearing someone laugh is the best thing, smiling makes people even more beautiful, and laughter usually gets me laughing, too.
Constant interruption of anything you say or do.
I just don't understand how speech works and keep thinking that pauses in people's talking means they're done so I can respond. My entire family thinks I'm just rude but I genuinely have no idea how to communicate with people
I live in Los Angeles so this happens a lot but basically whenever you talk to somebody, and it’s all about them all the time. You give your point of view or interject something about yourself and they immediately dismiss it and go back to them.
My sibling is like this- if I feel sick she’s suddenly sick too. If I’m sad she suddenly is super upset and needs to vent. It rlly pisses me off
Commenting on someone’s eating habits or laughing even to yourself when someone says something serious
As a person with an eating disorder, I feel like I am hyper aware about commenting on what and how people eat. If I say anything, I usually preface that it's a health concern, like warning my mate when he is eating too much of what I know will land him in the bathroom later.
When they apologize during a conflict, they get angry if that doesn't immediately end the conflict because they never truly felt sorry and their only goal was to escape repercussion. This will become evident when the behavior they had apologized for keeps happening and never improves.
signed, someone who has been on both sides of this equation
This is true, but often I'll apologize in an argument because I just hate arguing and want to stop. It's always super minor stuff and I'd never try to ignore a real problem, but arguing stresses me out
They are dismissive of people who can do nothing for them
When I was getting my masters degree in composition, there was a soprano in my class who always side-eyed me and wouldn't even speak to me... Until I wrote a series of songs for a baritone in our class. She turned honey sweet overnight, wheedling me to write for her. I just ignored her.
My Ex slowly lost all of her friends over-time. She'd make new ones and then somehow burn those bridges too.
She also used to gossip and talk s**t about everyone she knew, including me. At least one friend who I never met thought I was scum because of what she said about me
They don't understand the importance of Parity in a relationship. You can't always take and never give.
“I’m sorry you feel that way”
This means nothing without context. This could very well be an appropriate response in some situations.
They put other people down as a 'way to show their affection'. I loved a girl who did that, and she turned out to be a stone cold a*****e, and a narcissist
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Their username is CII and they think that being pedantic about minor typos and making snarky comments compensates for their total lack of personality.
yeah fr and to think, younger me would have thought ThEy WeRe ThE oNlY sAnE oNe HeRe GoD wHy Is EvErYoNe So StUpId. jeez, that's cringe. hope Cll grows out of it like i did
Load More Replies... They forgot this one: they only contact you when they want something. I get that a lot because I'm really skilled at lots of random stuff. Once a person asks me for their third favour I reply with "Hello MYNAME, how are you, is your life ok?" and they often do not get the sarcasm.
I sometimes fear that I'M the one who's "needy," because I'm unable to reciprocate in kind when my friends help me out. I get a lot of help, being the oldest local member of our church---I'm old enough to be mother and grandmother to everyone else (my own children died too young to have children of their own, so I have no family)---but because of my age, my health issues, the distance I live from everyone else, my very small car, very small income, and just being on a rather restrictive diet, there just isn't a thing I can do, other than pray for all of them. I do that, daily, and gladly. But sometimes I wish I could bake something like a cheesecake (I'm a very skilled cook and baker, but now am diabetic), but none of them will hear of it, and they're all very glad to help me. Loving people, that's for sure, which is why I often feel guilty of "using" them, though they all insist it's their pleasure to help me.
Load More Replies...
Their username is CII and they think that being pedantic about minor typos and making snarky comments compensates for their total lack of personality.
yeah fr and to think, younger me would have thought ThEy WeRe ThE oNlY sAnE oNe HeRe GoD wHy Is EvErYoNe So StUpId. jeez, that's cringe. hope Cll grows out of it like i did
Load More Replies... They forgot this one: they only contact you when they want something. I get that a lot because I'm really skilled at lots of random stuff. Once a person asks me for their third favour I reply with "Hello MYNAME, how are you, is your life ok?" and they often do not get the sarcasm.
I sometimes fear that I'M the one who's "needy," because I'm unable to reciprocate in kind when my friends help me out. I get a lot of help, being the oldest local member of our church---I'm old enough to be mother and grandmother to everyone else (my own children died too young to have children of their own, so I have no family)---but because of my age, my health issues, the distance I live from everyone else, my very small car, very small income, and just being on a rather restrictive diet, there just isn't a thing I can do, other than pray for all of them. I do that, daily, and gladly. But sometimes I wish I could bake something like a cheesecake (I'm a very skilled cook and baker, but now am diabetic), but none of them will hear of it, and they're all very glad to help me. Loving people, that's for sure, which is why I often feel guilty of "using" them, though they all insist it's their pleasure to help me.
Load More Replies...