Motivational sayings have nothing against funny work quotes that dot the internet and get shared with colleagues. Working 9-to-5 every day might get boring, so it’s only natural to have some fun at the cost of work hours. The funny quotes about work we hear at our offices hit much differently when monotonous tasks need some color. The factors that make those funny quotes about working hilarious have to be mixed and matched.
When reading the more positive and hilarious work quotes — you might need to take the time to understand them, especially if you aren’t working in a certain field. Sales and marketing professionals have plenty of funny, inspirational work quotes that boost their confidence. Whether you are a ruthless mobster or a corporate executive — you can be sure that there are some funny quotes at work you can share.
If you require some humor in your workflow — you might need some quotes. Below, we have compiled funny quotes for work-exhausted people. Some are funny and shareable, so share them with your colleagues. If one of them is much funnier than the others — upvote it. On the other hand, if you have a saying of your own that you would like to share — do so in the comments below. And in case you are almost in the middle of the week, hey, you might like our Thursday meme article as well!
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"My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck."
"When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'" — Don Marquis
And if he answers "mine", I suppose I'm supposed to call him a liar (or at least consider him one)? >_>
For sure. I'm sitting here making my "boss" richer every day, and I can barely afford my half of the finances. I don't have anything left for me when I'm done paying bills. So glad he's now a multimillionaire tho. Lol.
"I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it." — Bill Gates
Simplifying things that are too ridiculously complicated....it's not being lazy....
Used to work with a guy who would tell me,"If you want to know the easiest way to do something, find the laziest person there."
Apparently that only works once you're famous. My boss asked me if I was a manager what type of people I'd look for? All casually. Not formal. Apparently Bill gates answer didn't sound good to him. Because I didn't get the position.
Literally story of our department. We had tons of repetative work, so we created a boatload of macros and now most of our work runs automatic for us and we just polish it up. XD No, I will not say where I work.
“The first five days after the weekend are the toughest.”
"Sometimes I spend the whole meeting wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door."
They build the room and leave out one side, bring the table in and build the last side. Valla big table threw the smaller door
I have actually seen statues and other office items that the room was built around...
"Pride, commitment and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free."
That's so they can get you to work for free AND treat you like c**p.
Load More Replies...And the phrase, "We're not coworkers, we're FAMILY." Run. Fücking run.
At an offsite training session, the CEO stood up and said "if you're tired, don't go home. Stay and work more hours". I never had a holiday week-end off between President's Day and Thanksgiving until I got pulled in and terminated right before Labor Day so they could cut my benefits in Sept and not have to pay me for the holiday. Don't sign anything until you talk with an attorney!!!
"Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit." — George Carlin
I just suffer and internally panic at the approaching deadline, but that's just me
Eh. Most people enter with a good work ethic and a lot of energy. And are rewarded with other people's work atop their own. Then they learn to work their wage.
(Here’s one of my favorite George Carlin lines: “Have you noticed that people who drive slower than you are idiots and people who drive faster than you are maniacs.”)
"Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright."
I s'pose this was true before they all became easily replaceable LEDs. How ironic.
And then there's that connector at the end trying to get everyone to work together.
“I used up all my sick leave, so I called in dead.”
"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar." - Drew Carey
"When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because... they had three snakes, and one day I braided them." – Steven Alexander Wright
I picked him up at Sandy's in Beverly MA before he won the Hawaiian laugh off. It was just hanging out, smoking and laughing. I told him he was amazing even tho the crowd was more interested in another guy. Within months he was a st
Load More Replies...When I read three,I immediately thought of braiding those snakes in my head 🤣🤣🤣
"I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around." — Homer Simpson
“There are days one should really just sleep through. Like Monday through Friday.”
"Getting paid to sleep... that's my dream job."
Better if you got paid to put people to sleep. Oh wait. It's called being an anesthesiologist.
“If you think you are too small to make a difference, you haven’t spent a night with a mosquito.”
Or CHIGGERS!!! Those things are microscopic and can turn you into a frakking TOMATO!!!
No-see-ums... you can't see um but they'll chew your leg off... most hate
"The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse." — Dennis Miller
I... What? No. Ever seen true crime? Many people die when a coroner fails to recognize a murder, disease, or malpractice.
My state had a coroner interpret a lab result wrong and an innocent man spent 10 years in prison. Personally, I would have felt awful.
I cant feel a pulse! Get a crash cart, stat! 1 2 3 4 5 Clear! *zaps* ____v^v____^u-___ ^v___ oops I mean beep....beep....beep...
So, I started my career as a coroner. ...now I'm an amateur necromancer and things are getting whacky.
"Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done." — Peter Drucker
Mostly we view management as the reason we all had to take that 3 hour "sexual harassment in the workplace" seminar in the 90's.
It seems much of the struggles in life are placed there by someone barely ahead of you so they can feel proud about getting there.and look down on others trying to get there. Of course they make it as realistically hard as their feelings made it seem to them back then. No one's really the better for it, like struggling against nature and adversity. Just kinda self back patty.
"As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement." — Tom Goins
Holy shìt, you got to leave on time AND got vacation? Let me guess, a pension upon retiring too?
"It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up." - Muhammad Ali
So when Muhammad Ali did it it was fine, but when I wait in dark alleys with a boxing gloves on, suddenly it's "assault" and I'm "going to prison". Talk about a double standard /j
But do you float like a butterfly and sting like a bee?
Load More Replies..."I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours." — Jerome K. Jerome
If it truly is interesting work, then yes I could look at it for hours.
I’m not afraid of hard work; I’ll crawl right up next to it and go to sleep.
"Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say." – Andy Stanley
Why did my brain instantly go to Chairman Mao and Stalin and the like?
"My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I'm still at work."
I think I need to embroider that on a pillow.... Oh wait I don't embroider....
"People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!"
Tell me about it! While it looks like I'm doing nothing, I'm trying to figure out how to do the simplest tasks.
Load More Replies...They told me the possibilities were endless so I was like so youre saying possibilities always start s**t? Good to know.
"I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams."
Can't lose those things if society made sure to take them away as a child first!
"The reward for good work is more work." – Francesca Elisia
It's called " cross training"... an excuse to load you up with other peoples jobs...without paying you anymore....
And my office has it down to an art form! I am learning 2 new jobs right now that I don't want to do but there are people that want to do it and well, I'm learning 2 new jobs.
Load More Replies...“Sometimes, the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.”
"If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter." — John Gotti
"It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you." — Dwight D. Eisenhower
Better yet, have 50,000 people working for you with one of them keeping your Ferraris washed.
"The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one." — Oscar Wilde
I love being unemployed, except for the no money thing, *sigh* I could be such a good lottery winner lol. 😎
Absolutely true. I've was on sick leave for about 3 years due to mental health, and it were the most peaceful years of my life, apart from the mental struggles
Load More Replies...Sure. .... So the only issues I'll have are people and their laws. I couldn't occupy even a deserted house for long. I can't build my own home without concern for it being destroyed since I didn't pay for the land they don't even own. I'll get in trouble with the law for hunting and fishing to feed myself. Funny that.
"I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday."
I always give 100% at work.. 10% Monday, 20% Tuesday, 35% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, and 17% Friday... Still can't understand why they moved me out of accounting....
They should have just brought you in for overtime on Saturdays so you could have given them a solid -2%.
Load More Replies...The great thing about thirsty thursdays is how I'm never parched and how funny it is people think life's only about friday nights. In unrelated news remember when Young Joc worked with us at Ruby Tuesdays...why you always jocking my d**k, shawdy? PS. Remember in Undercover Brother when dude is all "give me one good reason I shouldnt fire your a*s" and hes like 'I...dont...work for you?" So then he was all like "get on your job" and I was like I'm unemployed. You never mix business with pleasure. ☺
"The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished." – Groucho Marx
The final destination isnt when you find happiness. Its the journey along the way to the end. Anyone who believes otherwise didnt know to appreciate the time they had on this earth. That is the evilness that permeates minds thanks to religion. And its disgusting.
Load More Replies...They say time is the only infinite but that isnt true as nothing is also infinite since it never existed and therefore cant be destroyed, thus neverending.
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
"And that's the whole truth... (raspberry)" - Edith Ann
Load More Replies..."Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant." – Scott Adams
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Build a fire for a person... They'll be warm for a night. Set a person fire and they'll be warm for the rest of their life
Load More Replies...Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish and go feed yourself. He's a grown man, and fishing's not that hard. -Ron Swanson
"What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day." – Phyllis Diller
Lol jacob refuses to celebrate any holidays. I always just thought it was a narcissist thing but now I just think its f*****g hilarious since my birthday is Martin Luther King Day and my brothers birthdays are April Fools Day and New Years
Getting drunk and doing something stupid or embarrassing.
Load More Replies..."No man goes before his time — unless the boss leaves early." — Groucho Marx
"Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there." — Will Rogers
"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the real greats make you feel that you, too, can be great." – Mark Twain
If people empower each other, they will multiply. If people restrain each other, they will always be only one.
"Where people aren’t having fun, they seldom produce good work." – David Ogilvy
Without fun, you get what you asked for. With fun, you get what you needed to be done.
I remember my coworkers and I getting chastised for "laughing too much" at work. An old male customer in another section of the store found it "offensive" for some reason. Before we were scolded we had managed to get about 3 days of work done together that morning. After that, well, we didn't bother trying anymore. What's the point of trying to serve people who literally want you to be miserable? We all got different jobs within 6 months and that store closed forever within 2 years.
i do not believe this. iphone is king yet the people who make them had to have nets installed so they would quit killin themselves. does not sounds so fun to me.
"A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job." — Zig Ziglar
I was looking for a job and then I found a job and heaven knows I'm miserable now
I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour But heaven knows I'm miserable now
Load More Replies..."It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleges and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children." – Alan Alda
"Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers." — Homer Simpson
"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early." — Charles Lamb
You just described my boss's wife and daughter. Apparently the rest of us need to pick up their work to show we are true professionals.
You're called "Team Players"..... extra work without the pay
Load More Replies..."An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field." — Niels Bohr
"The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen." — Sarah Brown
"Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon."
"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office." — Robert Frost
“Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.” — Doug Larson
For those bosses who started this "trend"; I'm not "quiet quitting" I'm "acting my wage"! You pay me to do X, you don't get the whole frakking alphabet!
I warn people about this. Also, learning how to do everything at your job will make them expect you to do 5 jobs for the price of one.
So true and meanwhile there's a phrase that popped up called "quiet quitting" which actually just means that employees are finally just doing their jobs and nothing beyond their jobs because of being taken advantage of
Load More Replies..."Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?" — Edgar Bergen
So NOT true and not funny there are lots of hard working people working in dangerous jobs that would disagree with him....
"If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock." — Claude McDonald
"I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying." - Rita Rudner
"There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?" - Kin Hubbard
"A baseball game is twice as much fun if you're seeing it on the company's time." — William C. Feather
"Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we'd be here every freakin' day." — Ed Bernard
“By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work 12 hours a day.” — Robert Frost
When our boss moved up and his position freed up, people asked me why I did not apply for it. Simple. I see what they have to deal with and know their pay is barely above mine. Hell no, not worth it. Let some other poor guy take that.
Didn't know it was only about the time. I really had this disillusion it was about the outcome!
My boss works 8hrs and I work 12hrs. It's a hospital though so it isn't that weird. I honestly prefer my work schedule to office hours.
I had a friend who worked 10hours 6 days a week for two weeks, then two weeks off. He worked at a hospice center. He loved it because he could travel basically every two weeks, or stay home and game.
Load More Replies...“Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss’s job.”
"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so." – Douglas Adams
"Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance." – Sir Claus Moser
This certainly rings true today. People are foolish enough to get loans so they can earn the easiest liberal arts degree possible, and then get upset that no companies want to hire them for a good salary with such a useless degree. Add to that the amount of people who will not do actual work. So these people are paying for an education in ignorance.
“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” —Douglas Adams
Doesn't hurt to have a babel fish in ur ear at all times either!!!
Load More Replies..."The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form." — Stanley J. Randall
"I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what thay means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, 'Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.'" – Chris Rock
Now fast food restaurant are actually offering more than minimum wage...It servers at the (I'm gonna say) nice, sit down restaurants that struggle on LESS than minimum wage......
Legally if a server does not make minimum wage with their so called salary and tips, the place of employment is supposed to make up the difference (has anyone out there ever heard of that happening???)
Load More Replies...Lord knows you're not getting much else out of a job like McDs lol.
Load More Replies...It's funny to me. People are so serious about their food, but restaurants only want to hire teenagers they can severely overwhelm and underpay. Then customers get mad when their food is wrong, or looks like s**t. What do you expect from kids who just started working? I also always thought it was strange to put food responsibility in children's hands... people are putting this food in their bodies. That could be very dangerous and yet we underpay children to prepare the food and serve it, and then can't believe it when it gives us food poisoning, or is completely wrong, or is so sloppy you can't eat it lmaoooo.
“Don’t stay in bed unless you can make money in bed.” — George Burns
"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there." — Josh Billings
"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important." — Bertrand Russell
"Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid." – Phil Pastoret
"My son is now an 'entrepreneur.' That's what you're called when you don't have a job." – Ted Turner
And he was married to Jane "Red" Fonda. So he knows all about useless rich elitist humans that just take up air.
Load More Replies...
"People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up." - Ogden Nash
People who work lying down get paid more than people who work sitting down.
People who can't remember what their job is, who they are, or that the slaves were freed, become the President of the US.
Load More Replies..."It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong." — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Not true! "Nobody explained how to do it right!" takes less than 30 seconds to say!
"It's a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can't eat for eight hours; he can't drink for eight hours; he can't make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work." — William Faulkner
I actually can't work for eight hours, and in my opinion neither can most people.
"There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting." — David Letterman
"Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy." – Charlie McCarthy
"People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily." – Zig Ziglar
“If I tell you I want to be a door-to-door salesman, don’t knock it.” — Jarod Kintz
"All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure." — Mark Twain
Nah, need a total lack of common sense for that one as well.
Load More Replies...Ignorance plus confidence leads to a lot of mess in the work place, and I get to be the one to clean it up. If you don't fully know how to do something, don't just jump into it without learning it first, if you or someone else is likely to be affected by it.
"Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you." – Zig Ziglar
Constructive criticism is more valuable than sugarcoating. You don't become better if you never learn where to start.
"A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B." - Fats Domino
"If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be 'meetings." – Dave Barry
I have to disagree. It is egocentrism. Very easy to find in meetings though, when people talk without listening.
Also, empathy is not as automatic as people assume. Often you have to decide to do it and then focus in order to accomplish it.
Load More Replies...
"An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault." – William Castle
"Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all." - Sam Ewing
“Show me a man who is a good loser, and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.” — Jim Murray
"I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one." — Clarence Darrow
"Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work." – Earl Nightingale
"Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you're just sitting still?" — J. Paul Getty
"Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers."
Please, the lazy ones are the ones who get promoted because while the rest of us are working they are chatting up the management.
"Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow." — Don Herold
“I’m not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues.” — Franklin D. Roosevelt
Andrew Carnegie certainly was smart but his great fortune was based on his ability to identify, and his willingness to reward, great managers.
"Nobody ever wrote down a plan to be broke, fat lazy, or stupid. Those things are what happen when you didn’t have a plan." – Larry Winget
“If at first you don’t succeed, try management.”
“Sometimes I feel like everyone I work with is an idiot. And by sometimes I mean all times. All the time. Every of the time!” — Kevin Malone
"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese
"People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do." — Elbert Hubbard
Unfortunately people who go that "extra mile" ALSO never get paid more.
The real problem is that most people don't get paid the value of the work they do; more and more people are being hired to do the work of 3-10 people and not even earning the equivalent of one of the people whose work they're doing, usually about half a person.
"I’m not retiring, I am graduating... retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen." – Junior Seau
