Scrolling through the day's news can be depressing, to say the least. You'd be forgiven for wanting to give it all a miss now and again...
But between the global crises and political turmoil, lies a whole parallel universe. Here, the headlines sound less like fact and more like sitcom plotlines that never made it to TV. Think "Seal breaks into New Zealand home, traumatises cat and hangs out on couch," or "A rare bird in England turned out to be a sea gull covered in curry." You just can't make this stuff up, no matter how hard you try.
If you're looking for some light relief in the midst of another dreary news cycle, you've come to the right place. Bored Panda has gathered up an awesome list of palate cleansers from media outlets across the globe. They're a great reminder that not every news story has to leave you with a heavy heart, and chaos often has a great sense of humor.
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This Is Funny
I like his thinking! 😁 But what was he charged with? Very curious to know.
Follow-up story has police coming to arrest him and being unable to find the exit
There’s an old adage in journalism/news circles that “if it bleeds, it leads.” That’s why you’ll often notice a news bulletin beginning with all the negative and grim stuff like disasters, wars, or crime.
While many of us complain that the news is too negative, research shows that typically, people pay more attention to (and tend to remember) negative experiences over positive ones. It's something psychologists call our ‘negativity bias.’
"We’re more likely to spot angry faces than happy ones in a crowd, and many languages have a much wider vocabulary for describing negative emotions than jolly ones," explains BBC's Science Focus.
That's not to say consuming a lot of negative news is good for us...
But Ghosts Are Pretend
Excessive consumption of negative news can be more harmful than we might realize. For one, it can trigger the body’s “fight or flight” response.
"Adrenaline is then released, and so is the stress hormone, cortisol. When our bodies are in this state, we experience the same symptoms we might experience if we were under threat," explains an info sheet released by John Hopkins University. "These symptoms include rapid heart rate, shallow breathing, upset stomach, etc."
Doom-scrolling or watching upsetting footage and news bulletins can also increase symptoms related to anxiety and depression. In fact, for some people, it takes just 14 minutes of dreary news consumption for their depression and anxiety symptoms to rise. They're worsened if someone feels helpless about what's happening in the world.
At No Point Did I Guess Where The Headline Was Going Next
I'm guessing someone found out about the crow and reported it as a danger to the kids. Sounds like it had been there for awhile
Try Eating In The Bed, Then Sleeping. You Can Have So Much Fun In Bed, Trust Me
Not At All Heroes Wear Capes
The Hillsboro Oregon dancing frogs need these guys at their ongoing ICE protests
I don't know - I can see ICE agents running them over and pretending they thought they were real traffic cones.
Load More Replies...We don't have 'bucks parties', we have 'stag parties'.
Load More Replies...John Hopkins' experts add that negative news can become addictive, especially when you're getting it from social media.
"Clickbait headlines and social media algorithms are designed to keep you coming back for more, making it difficult to stop returning to apps for your news," they say.
Thankfully, there are ways to protect yourself... Taking a break from the news cycle and scrolling through this hilarious list of headlines is just one of them.
Imagine You're Cycling On A Country Road And You See That On The Side
60 Cupcakes?
So the bear is being shamed for eating the cupcakes in-house rather than taking them home first like the rest of us do?
Can’t Blame Him
Another is to identify your triggers. "Take some time to think about what subjects stir symptoms of anxiety and depression. Some people may be more reactive to global conflict while others may feel more affected by racial injustice," suggests the John Hopkins team. "Once you’ve figured out what has the strongest impact on you, you can limit your consumption of media with triggering content."
My Spirit Animal
Best thing about this: the house owner is a marine biologist, but was not home at the time. The marine biology came to his house and he missed it...
This Might Be My New Favorite Headline And Photo Combo Ever
Thanks for posting this. I had this saved and had it printed out (yeah, it's a boomer act) for my fridge, but mislaid it. To me, this is the best meme ever
What A Headline
If I recall they were 12 Grey African parrots, who taught the other parrots to swear and heckle visitors.
The experts believe it's safer to read the news rather than watch it. Harsh visuals are more likely to trigger you or send you into a spiral than words.
By pausing your doom-scrolling and reading this instead, you're doing yourself a big favor. "Doom scrolling might help you feel more informed about how to protect yourself from the troubles of the world, but it ultimately does more harm than good," notes the site. "Aim for no more than 30 minutes per day if possible."
I Mean
His efforts are rewarded by being used as a cautionary tale of what NOT to do if lost in the woods
My WiFi Goes Out Again. Those Sharks Again I Swear
“My dog ate my homework” has just been updated to “a shark ate my internet”.
Even if you feel helpless about everything going on around you, never forget that you can make a positive difference to the world. Every little bit goes a long way.
You might consider getting involved in some charity work, or joining a group that is working on the issues that you are most passionate about. This not only helps other people but it can empower you as well.
Duck Commits Second Speeding Offence
At Spotting A Rare Bird
Frog
I have never seen a pig transformed into a frog. However, I would certainly pay to see it!
That's Funny
“Plumber Returns To Re-Clog Pipe After Restaurant Refuses To Pay Bill”
The owner of the restaurant is quoted as saying that the plumber/situation is “ridiculous” and that they’d hate for something similar to happen to his other clients… I bet his other clients pay him!
Totally valid! There have also been stories about construction companies taking their word down and landscapers removing grass they installed. I mean, the power company can turn off your electricity if you don't pay. 🤷♀️
It's Difficult To Get A Man To Understand Something When His Salary Depends On His Not Understanding It
I love how whiny they're getting over the fact that everyone hates their stupid AI garbage being forced into everything.
This Is Looney Toons Level Of Destruction
What A Statement
Roses Are Red, Butter Is Creamy
Funny Headline
Irony At Its Best
Looks like the velociraptor robots are back on the front desk. Also some of the robots have been switched to holograms. The hotel chain is Henn na or 変な meaning strange
Never Not Thinking About This Headline
"The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter." - attributed to Winston Churchill
Who Would Have Thought
This Is A Real Article
That's so us old people can look up the definition of the words the kids today are saying. 😂 My niece is only in Kindergarten but over the holidays she kept saying 6-7 at me. 🙄 I think it only gets worse from here on out....
New words can be added if they're used enough, old words can be removed if they're not. language is fluid, dictionaries exist to help us understand what and how words are currently in use, not to tell us which words we are and are not allowed to use.
Dictionary should keep the old ones, but mark them as being archaic, because sometimes you need to check what the heck is going on with 19th century book talking about intercourse and ejaculation in public without any sëxy context, lol
Load More Replies...News
There might be millions of these mistakes in candy worldwide, but every single other person simply gobbled down the candy anyway
Possibly The Funniest Headline To Ever Grace A News Site
This happened not far from where I live. The raccoon was picked up by the local animal control, and released back into the wild after sleeping off his bender
Given how shitty the poor animal would have felt the next day I wouldn't call this "the funniest headline ever."
Let's Call Him An Illegal Dinosaur
I played this song as we went out of my late husbands funeral
Load More Replies...I Think It's Too Late Now
It’s Really Cute
If that thing is an outdoor artwork, then either it shall withstand much more than a pair of googy eye-removal, or it's just a temporary artwork meant to perish in a limited time.
Or the 'authorities' released wet blanket language without actually inspecting 'the damage.'
Load More Replies...Offer
It was a piece they took out for access. They misplaced it.
Load More Replies...A Piece Of Tape Makes You A Hacker According To Business Insider
It absolutely qualifies as being a hacker. Making technology do stuff it was not meant to be doing is the definition. It's just that often it's something deceptively simple, like aplastic whistle to get free phone calls, ahigh vis jacket to access secure areas or a bit of tape to confuse an driverless car.
I've driven a Renault 8n France that would have been fooled by this. Cruise control matches speed limits. It's an awesome feature!
I don't believe the car reads the signs. It somehow works via GPS.
Load More Replies...That Must Have Been A Good Ham
My dad hasn't stopped farting in the last 50 years! Who should we sue for that? 😂
Pretty Smart
The Only Memorable Event
The news here is that a "man of God" was deserving of eternal punishment in hell. What the devil has on his jukebox is a distant second place.
No Way
Looks like SpongeBob and Mr.Crabs are fighting over payment again
Load More Replies...Egg-Cellent Heist
Sorry, but that's not enough eggs to account for the "sky-high cost of eggs in the US right now."
So Many Questions
Real Life Mr Bean
The Incident Occurred In India
Anyone who has ever seen videos of people driving in India would probably be content with a monkey behind the wheel.
Mate, I've been a passenger on many, and you're absolutely right!
Load More Replies...£21
“Serial Toilet Clogger"
Possibly The Greatest Headline Of All Time
For Hunting... Wait What?
Is it going to h7nt, or is he hunting it? Asking for a friend....
That Raccoon Was Definitely Hungry And Angry
Same in Finnish as in pesukarhu and iirc in German too
Load More Replies...Bread
The Pain
On doing the maths (assuming the standard text takes 30 seconds to type out), this woman spent a total of 55.2 days of her life texting the guy
You knew your maths homework was going to come in handy some day, didn't you? ;-)
Load More Replies...Beside The Irony, This Is The Best Evidence That Your Invention Works
Here’s Why
Why the heck is Huddo's sister's comment hidden? No links, no pictures nothing the PB has targeted recently
There seems to be a glitch on BP at the moment, it’s doing it at random.
Load More Replies...I Do Not Like This Smiling Ham
This Isn't Satire, It Was Genuinely Reported As A News Item
Punk-Rock
My Wife And I Just Spent $130 On Beef Jerky, We’re Keeping Them In Business
For those of you who haven't lived in the US, one of the pleasures of long distance driving is stopping to get snacks, and for many of us the beef jerky is the pièce de resistance of any stop. My spousal unit and I once went on a day trip in Arkansas and on this small highway in the forest there were signs saying, "Beef jerky - 40 miles ahead" and "Beef jerky - 35 miles ahead" and so on. We were so excited about this that we were in a fever frenzy. We got there and the damned place had burned down but they never took the signs down. If I could have found the owners I would have personally killed them.
My heart grieves for your Beef Jerky loss....... It's almost like going "Cold Turkey ". Sorry I'll see myself out.
Load More Replies...What An Odd Number Indeed
Whoever wrote that for the tech section of that "news" outlet needs to be fired...
Yes, an 8-bit binary number (0000 0000 to 1111 1111, from 0 to 255) yields 256 possibilities.
Load More Replies...Who Throws A Ham?
Anyone Know What’s Going On?
Imagine Reading This Headline To A Medieval Peasant
I went back just 50 years and said this sentence. Everyone thought I'd had a stroke
