They say Scotland is a land of immeasurable beauty, inspiring history, and immense wit. To get a glimpse of the first two, you can watch Braveheart. But to experience the third, you can simply go on Twitter (now X)—some people even say Scottish Twitter is arguably the nation’s finest export. We know you think it’s scotch, but scroll through this list, and then we’ll talk.
The subreddit named Scottish People Twitter has been making headlines online since its creation in 2015. It started by collecting tweets like “maw bought aldi shower gel that smells like fairy liquid so I’ve been cutting about all day smelling like a f**ing plate” and “Can live wi paying 5p for one but am sick of having to f**in light the beacons of Gondor to summon someone anytime I want a bag in Asda” and quickly grew into a 700K-member community, enjoying a good laugh when they see one.
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Clever Cat
We All Need A Little Confidence Boost
Mask Up, Ya Bams
Same maskless moron in the queue in the US, security guards often say naught!
Bored Panda spoke with Reddit user Veloglasgow, one of the moderators of r/ScottishPeopleTwitter, to get a better understanding of the content on the subreddit. “Scots generally have a dark, dry, and direct sense of humor,” they said. “Observational comedy where someone points out something that everyone accepts as day-to-day reality but which would be absurd to an outside observer also goes down well.”
Our Currency Is The Best!
He's Been Well Done There
What Freedom Is Aw Aboot
Veloglasgow said that posts where people are sarcastically replying to other tweets are probably most representative of real-world Scottish humor.
“Most posts that make it through the mod queue are representative. Any posts that use ‘fooken’ or ‘fecking’ for fu*ken/fu*king are generally removed as no Scot hears how we say those words as that way phonetically,” the moderator explained.
Stating The Obvious
Manbat
Hunner Percent
Examining the many social and cultural features of Scottish Twitter, journalist Eve Livingston said it has provided a medium for the written Scots language to evolve in a way that wasn’t possible before the advent of social media.
“Scots was the national language of a country that doesn’t exist anymore,” writer and presenter Alistair Heather, who writes a Scots column in Scotland’s The National newspaper, explained. “As Scotland was amalgamated into Great Britain, Scots fell away from being a national language because it didn’t have a nation anymore.”
Heather said that until relatively recently, Scottish opinion-formers in news and media were [mostly] based in England and not plugged into working-class or rural Scotland at all, so they didn’t see Scots language as a contemporary issue in Scotland.
“[But] it’s gaining a lot of legitimacy and validity through social media as a private expression [while] finding a public sphere.”
What Windows?
Xmas Miracle
Wholesome
Scottish Clothes Shops
Expectations vs. Reality
Quick Take On The Scottish Play
Good Luck At School Today
Can’t Beat A Fathers Jokes
FS John, Too Soon
Well That’s Us Screwed
Life, Eh, Finds A Way
Dr. Ian Malcolm: "But again, how do you know they're all male? Does somebody go out into the park and pull up the Scotsmen's kilts?" (the original version went "But again, how do you know they're all female? Does somebody go out into the park and pull up the dinosaurs' skirts?") ... Text on rear-view mirror: "Thangs whuts seyn un thise lookin' glace bae ploos nigh yet thun ye'd rick'n."
I want to hear jurrasic Park theme played on bagpipes. Darth Vader theme too.
Lightning Lizzie
It's That Easy
Good Tae Know
Aye, Ye Pair Ay Bampots
London 1993
Our Government
Yer Da Does The Washing
Dilf Hunter
Hotland
Fair Enough
Shavin A Tattie
Very Fair Point
Yer No Meant To Eat The Parts Separately
Ye Nugget
Maccies
Absolutely! Abusive employer. Drives me crazy the few times I've gone inside a McDonald's.
Da-Da-Da-Da!
Goths Are A Dying Breed
Ye Goin For A S***e Hen?
Platinum Next X
Pizza Time
Mad Stoater
Half Pizza Crunch Supper
It's from peering at the pre nuptial agreement hoping she can find a loopholexto escape.
Intimate And Sacred
I wonder how that'll go over here in the US... It does occur when people disapprove or otherwise of the president...
A Record To Be Proud Of
In Scotland are chips crisps or fries? Either way, I wonder if I’m in the top ten lol
Vegan Scottish Cuisine
We Love Arbroath
On The Bus
Seems like the Scottish throw the C-word around as much as Australians do.
Absolute Fact
Genitals!
She was trying to make a point and it wasn't about hatred. She had a very tough single motherhood early on and even considered suicide. I think she's correct that we need to pay more attention to women's issues overall (though not less attention to transgender). For me most of the hate came from people calling her a hater.
And One For Yourself Bartender
We’ve had our share of laughs with these Scottish tweets, bringing a slice of Scotland humor straight to your screen. What’s next? It’s your turn to join the fun! Show some love to the tweets you loved the most, or swing by the comment section. Maybe you’ve stumbled upon some funny Scottish tweets (now posts) yourself. Time to share them with us!
Ye Gotta Draw The Line Mumwhere
At Least They Voted!
Shame
Absolutely Out Of It
Uncle Dug
Didnae Get Far Did Ye
I can totally relate to this. Drives right up your a**e even though you're doing the speed limit, first chance they get shoot past you, and there you both are waiting at the same set of lights two minutes later. I hope it's all worth the increased risk of a stressed induced stroke, getting in an accident, and a speeding ticket.
Dexter The Dug
Hahah space slice..I’m keeping that one for the next person that annoys me :)
Absolute Genius
In Case Someone Forgot This Masterpiece
🤣🤣🤣 that is hysterical. Friend had an argument with some Snobby French twat and told him to "Fuckez Vous" I was in stitches.
Dont Want To Piss Off The Scottish
Glasgoths
Who's The Lucky Girl?
He’s Gonna Go Far
You Still There?
Double Scottish
I have a thick Texas drawl, but going to Catholic school taught me a passable Irish accent that has fooled Dubliners more than once. Funny, people treat me like an ignorant hick when I speak Texan, but respect me when I fake Irish.
Speeding Ostrich
Fishsticks
Eloquently Put
We Used To Be Accountants Really
Aye Just A Wee Side Note
Best. Dad. Ever
Local Bouncer / Door Steward In Ma Town Making The Best Of A Bad Situation By Providing The Giggles
These Flowers Are A Mystery
Aye
Sounds More Like The 30!
Honesty's The Best Policy
True Happiness
Something Not Right About That Soap
As a North American, I’ve never heard soap being called a ‘tablet’, hotels don’t put soap on the beds, and when in doubt ya read the fookin’ ingredient list, eh?
All Those Hypotheticals
Birds Could Prolly Swim In Lava And Be Fine
Too *old* Tae Vote, That’s Yer Problem
Worky Dug
Sair Heid?
Just To Be Safe...
I had a couple little homemade soap samples by the sink in our bathroom one day my boyfriend took a bite out of BOTH of them. Idk why he didn’t stop after the first one but he told me that chocolate tasted horrible and I told him it was soap.. and why would I have chocolate in the bathroom.
Nevermind X
Wean's First Tooth
Screw The Tories
Clean Up On Aisle 4
Frankie Doesn't Care
Good Thinking Wee Man
Two Faced C**ts
Proud As Punch
Too Right
Cheers Gran
Being A Dad Has Its Perks
Exam Advice
A Wee Fanny
10/10
A Massive Lad
Update: I did some research and finally found that this is hotelier David Morgan-Hewitt next to the queen. Also, this is where the "absolute unit" meme was born.
Big Note
Where Are You From?
Gotta Love Scottish Patter
Suns Oot Mirrors Oot
Thats No Hapnin
8 Year Olds...
Another Breed Of Spastic
I Think Frankie’s Onto Something
My Kid > Dad, what was it like in the war? Me> I was born 20 years after the war. My Kid> Oh, what about the second world war then?
My Wee Angle
Papa Can You Hear Me?
Coronavirus Arrives In Scotland
Would Be An Absolutely Class Idea To Be Fair
Brick That Thing
Absolute Unit
‘Hink That’s Fair Enough
Outstanding Patter
Oompa Loompa, Do-Ba-Dee-Doo
Just Subbed Tae Isis
Scottish Schools Are Where Girls Get Pregnant And Where Boys Go To Sell Drugs (I Should Know I Went To Armadale Academy)
It Honestly Is Ridiculous How Long They Left
Constant Struggle
The Rare, Understandable Scottish Men
Doctors once called my dad and said his dad had a stroke and his speech was damaged. He got off the phone with him and said he's fine, he's just Scottish you idiots! True story.
She Was Lucky
Wouldn't Expect Any Less From A Soulless Ginger
Aren't gingers fairly common in Scotland? Why would a little kid be surprised to see one?
It’s Tradition
The Force Is Strong In This Wan
Security To Get A Munch
Smirnoff Ice
Smirnoff Ice’s all but vanished in the States, and now seltzer’s are everywhere. An idea before it’s time it seems.
I Remember My First Bus Journey
Who The Hell You Talkin Tae
Solid Plan
Life Must Be Good Being A Dug
You’ll Pay Him For It N All
This Is Madness
Too Wee, Too Poor, Too Stupid
It doesn't tax spare bedrooms to raise money. They tax spare council home bedrooms to encourage people who live alone in big 3 4 or 5 bedroom social (as in tax payer funded) houses to swap to a smaller home so that families who need the bigger houses can have them. More BS misinformation.
Beautiful
Guys Dont Use Tinder It's Crap
Busted
Happy Birthday To Big J
Absolute Roaster
Some Good Financial News!
Pretending Aye?
If I ever make it to Scotland I need to remember c*nt is is a term of endearment
Steady there fella, you cannae just go around spouting C*nt. If you call some c*nt the wrong type of c*nt you may end up getting your c*nt kicked in
Load More Replies...Gosh I have a C2 level in English and I DON'T UNDERSTAND SCOTTISH EVEN WHEN IT'S WRITTEN DOWN lol
It's meant to get slightly less funny as you go down the list due to the voting. It doesn't. All of them made me laugh, and some of them I nearly stopped breathing. I love you guys.
Words can't describe how much I love Scotland and Scottish people. I wish I could upvote this more times. Even them swearing is like a sweet song to my ears.
Enjoyed these but the f*****g c***s that submitted them should have included f*****g subtitles on some of them.
Is it weird that I’m not Scottish and yet understood most of these? Then again I once dated a Scottish lad, and once went out drinking with a group of Scots, so maybe I absorbed it by association or something? Or it’s just a quirk..who knows? Funny as hell though
I am partially deaf and had a lot of trouble understanding the Scottish accent :)~
Did anyone else read this in their head in a super thick Scottish accent? Like I'm American but d*mn this was coming in thickkkkkk
If I ever make it to Scotland I need to remember c*nt is is a term of endearment
Steady there fella, you cannae just go around spouting C*nt. If you call some c*nt the wrong type of c*nt you may end up getting your c*nt kicked in
Load More Replies...Gosh I have a C2 level in English and I DON'T UNDERSTAND SCOTTISH EVEN WHEN IT'S WRITTEN DOWN lol
It's meant to get slightly less funny as you go down the list due to the voting. It doesn't. All of them made me laugh, and some of them I nearly stopped breathing. I love you guys.
Words can't describe how much I love Scotland and Scottish people. I wish I could upvote this more times. Even them swearing is like a sweet song to my ears.
Enjoyed these but the f*****g c***s that submitted them should have included f*****g subtitles on some of them.
Is it weird that I’m not Scottish and yet understood most of these? Then again I once dated a Scottish lad, and once went out drinking with a group of Scots, so maybe I absorbed it by association or something? Or it’s just a quirk..who knows? Funny as hell though
I am partially deaf and had a lot of trouble understanding the Scottish accent :)~
Did anyone else read this in their head in a super thick Scottish accent? Like I'm American but d*mn this was coming in thickkkkkk