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50 Times Scottish People Displayed Their Hilarious Sense Of Humor On Twitter (New Pics)
When you think of Scotland, what’s the first thing that comes to your mind? Perhaps it’s the gorgeous, rolling hillsides or the lore of the Loch Ness Monster? Maybe it’s the sound of powerful bagpipes or friendly people speaking in an accent that takes your brain a few extra moments to understand? Whatever it is that you love most about this beautiful country and its citizens, we suggest adding Scottish humor to that list too.
Below, we’ve gathered some of our favorite posts from the Scottish People Twitter subreddit that we think will make you pandas want to plan a trip to Edinburgh or Glasgow ASAP. Enjoy reading these tweets in your best Scottish accent, and be sure to upvote the pics that give you a strong craving for haggis!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
The Longest Running Prank Ever
Garry Cowan 2 years ago
And I DEFINITELY don't sound like grounds keeper Willie...ok maybe a wee bit 😂
A C 2 years ago
Brilliant! Because it reminds me of the Simpsons episode when the penguins fly when nobody is looking
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RandomGirl 2 years ago
My Mum must be really dedicated. Moved all the way to America to keep it running.
Stannous Flouride 2 years ago
Even older- Hundreds of years ago the Irish gave them bagpipes and told then they were musical instruments.
RELATED:
#2
Yee Haa
#3
Can’t Beat A Fathers Jokes
LokisLilButterknife 2 years ago
Nessie prefers to eat wee lads and lassies and wash them down with an ice cold Irn Bru.
Eastendbird 2 years ago
Yup, if you have a Scottish parent, toughen up and learn how to take a joke. Voice of experience there.
David 2 years ago
I have a deadpan sense of humor and will say stuff like this but one of my grandkids took everything at face value when she was younger and would freak when I'd say something I thought was an obvious joke. This is a made up example but it could be something like - (it's hailing) Me: "Those are polar bear seeds. They are going to grow huge and then eat the house" (she starts crying). Then I'd be trying to calm her down and explain it was a joke. So, yeah, I learned not to do that.
The Scottish People Twitter subreddit has been around since 2015 documenting all of the most hilarious moments Scots have tweeted about and interactions they’ve had online. The community has amassed an impressive 842k members, especially considering that Scotland is a nation of only 5.5 million people, and it’s now a cherished corner of the internet for anyone who loves celebrating all things Scottish. While you might not understand all of the lingo used in these tweets if you’re not from the land of kilts and Scotch, have no fear, I’m sure you’ll understand the meanings through context. In fact, you might even pick up a bit of Scottish slang yourself (although, we did need to censor some of it).
If you’ve never had the opportunity to set foot in Scotland yourself and you don’t happen to have any friends from there, you might be curious what Scots are actually like. So to learn a bit about Scottish culture and what these people, we consulted the blog of “traveling Scotsman and perpetual adventurer” Neil Robertson, Travels With a Kilt. Neil did a “study of the Scots” where he explained some of the common quirks and personality traits of his fellow countryman. Neil first notes that Scots have “embraced the modern world” and are quite liberal when it comes to immigration, gender equality and education. “As societies go, Scotland does a good job of offering somewhere safe, fair and happy to live. This stuff’s critically important to us,” he writes.
#4
Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?
🥀~Night Rose~🥀 2 years ago
OH MY GOSH MY POOR INNOCENT EYES ARE BURNING FROM THIS *gasp* UNCOVERED SWEAR WORD!!! *faints*
#5
He Was Running Out Of Patience
T5n 2 years ago
I’d definitely listen to “Take that Ya Bastard” regardless of genre
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Talitha Jansen 2 years ago
I was a big Take That fan as a teen, so immediately in my head the song is already playing. C'mon, c'mon,take that and party.
LandAhoy 2 years ago
Take that and party, that sounds like a drug reference? I know it's meant to be more on the lines of (no pun intended) 'party with Take That' but you know what it sounds like
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#6
Bacchialdi's
Trash Panda 🦝 2 years ago
This being the .01% chance that "meet me around the back of the store for a coffee", DOESN'T end up being how a lot of porn starts
Michelle C 2 years ago
There’s no way zoning officials and property developers didn’t get a laugh out of this!! 😆
Neil went on to explain how the Scottish psyche tends to function, noting that, “First, there’s the issue of modesty. We like acknowledgement of our gallant efforts at being a good Scot sure (pat on the head), but are usually uncomfortable with direct praise. We can’t exit the conversation fast enough if that materializes. Gruff, monosyllabic small talk and desperate references to the weather or the Cowdenbeath football score can be expected instead.”
Next, Neil addresses the stereotype that Scots are “tight-fisted”, or stingy. “I’d unsurprisingly disagree, although there’s no denying our cautious and calculating tendencies,” he noted. “We’re also loyal, considerate and generous when it’s called for. Especially when drinking and allowing ourselves the rarest of unguarded moments when we may permit those deeply buried emotions to burrow just ever so slightly upwards towards daylight. Is it any wonder that alcohol is so prominent in our lives?”
#7
Technically Correct
censorshipsucks 2 years ago (edited)
I was going to say deep fried mars bar with a side of IrnBru.
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Trish R 2 years ago
This question caught my eye and I have an answer, without a map. I modified the question thinking USA and that we have states. So BP writers...if you modify this and "Ask Pandas" (or give me a job working from home because I am not moving to Lithuania) I would gladly answer this so you'd know what state I'm originally from and possibly the town.
fin the frog 2 years ago
op was asking to use a food like you commonly get in a particular place (like paris you could say croissant) but this person just used food to point at the map of where they’re from💀
Load More Replies... #8
Invisibility Cloak!
Michael Largey 2 years ago (edited)
You can want it all you like, but I just can't see you wearing that.
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#9
A Conversation With My Scottish Friend
Garry Cowan 2 years ago
I think it should maybe be pointed out that in Scotland the word "c@£t" is not just a derogatory term it is very often used as a term of endearment.. someone can definitely be a "good c@£t" ..crazy but true
Got Myself 4 Pandas 2 years ago
My dearly departed dad, many years ago was having a conversation about the word c**t - was my mums birthday and we'd been out celebrating so drinks had been enjoyed, then my father uttered the now infamous phrase that lives on until this day in my family "I don't get why people are bothered about c**t, it's just tuna backwards" and we all start nodding for a second until our brains kick in and realise it is not in fact tuna spelled backwards. But if I call you a backwards tuna you know what it means. ''Twas a good count was my dad, very much missed
Heather Barnett 2 years ago
My best friend's daughter decided at one point everyone's name needed B- at the end. Nana-itch, mommy-itch, john-itch, susy-itch.. It came to a head when one fine Sunday morning, she greeted with a loud and proud Pastor-itch. XD
Got Myself 4 Pandas 2 years ago
Anytime a Scottish child asks for blackcurrant juice it sounds helluva rude, and kinda racist
LokisLilButterknife 2 years ago
The term in Scotland has less of a negative connotation than it does it the US and other parts of the world. Sure, it can still be used as a nasty and horrible slur against woman. However, there are also instances where it’s used as an odd term of endearment in parts of Scotland.
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Michelle C 2 years ago
…. I’m betting he’s heard that word enough at home!! I bet his mom and dad are going to be a lot more careful about their language now! 😆
And according to Neil, Scots are full of contradictions. “There's no question that we fight ferociously to control and hide our emotions, they can spectacularly spill out in certain circumstances,” he writes. “Extreme ethical and moral eruptions such as a woman mistreated, an innocent exploited or an unfinished pint spilled and your average Scottish bar is likely to turn into a grotesque arena of out-of-shape gladiators suddenly obligated by Scots Law to unleash their inner Braveheart.”
#10
What Is That?
David 2 years ago
I'm wheezing at my own mistake. I didn't see the man until I zoomed in. SO... I thought it was some Scottish way of saying the person posing was trans and they were not covered well enough and he could their 'man' coming out of their 'carpet'. Then the weird figure sitting on the carpet (once I actually saw it) was just a bonus laugh)
Xenon 2 years ago
Translation: Don't want to alarm you but there's a man coming over for the carpet. I think anyway. Anyway, epic tattoos!
Downunderdude 2 years ago
Not quite. '...there's a man coming out of your carpet'.
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Susan Robinson 2 years ago
This took me a second because I was thinking this has something to do with her outfit…then I finally looked left 😂😂
#11
Wholesome Spt
Dan Padgett 2 years ago
Excellent. Sad to hear that it's possible to live like that but glad it's getter better for the lad.
3 Owls In A Coat 2 years ago
Question if anyone knows, does Glesca = Glasgow??
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Old Roadie 2 years ago
On walkabout across America, I did odd jobs like unloading trucks. It's hard to work and go back to just a hammock or tent. Met some great people like this employer, though. Walkabout is a life changing experience.
#12
Bruce Mate Come On
Jane Alexander 2 years ago
-and you want to say a released convalescent has gone back to her house. She's 'gone home' would raise a question with some.
But when it comes to how Scots treat others, well, there’s a good reason they have a reputation for being so friendly. “We genuinely have a lot of time for people from the wider world. We like tourists, it’s not an act,” Neil explains. “I would put it out there with relative confidence that Scots prefer non-Scots to themselves, most of the time. You guys are the undoubted beneficiaries of our best behavior – did you really think Glasgow taxi drivers were always that friendly? Perhaps it’s the excitement of something new and unfamiliar, perhaps it’s that under-the-surface desire to be liked and loved. With that heavy burden of Scottishness around our necks, we unburden by presenting the best of us to others, secretly (and insecurely) hoping for approval and admiration at the same time.”
#13
Mum's Just Being Honest
Eastendbird 2 years ago (edited)
If you've never seen Lewis Capaldi on The Graham Norton Show, stop, right now and go watch it. You'll thank me. Language NSFW.
Trash Panda 🦝 2 years ago (edited)
It's like the Frank is on one side and the beans on the other... Cause trust me he'd feel it if his scrotesak was being cleaved in twain 🤣🤣
#14
He Isnae A Dug, Moira
Susan Robinson 2 years ago
Totally thought he was talking about a dog named Lassie and was beyond confused for a second 😂
Joe Publique 2 years ago
Where do you think the word/name Lassie comes from?
Load More Replies... XanthippeⓐWulf🇨🇦 🇬🇧 2 years ago
My phone will never be the same after this whole article! Second time I've spit out my tea! 🤣🤣🤣
#15
There Will Come A Time
RoanTheMad 2 years ago
Someone should do the same to Rishi Sunak too, actually. He's hardly any better.
If you’re intrigued by the Scottish sense of humor after reading these tweets, you’ll be happy to know that there are plenty of hilarious comedy shows featuring that trademark Scottish humor the world loves. And lucky for us, The Head Scratcher published a list detailing some of the very best ones, so we’ve got some recommendations for you, pandas. One of the most highly regarded comedy shows to ever air in Scotland was Chewin’ the Fat. The Head Scratcher team describes it as “the quintessential sketch show” and notes that most of the jokes translate to non-Scots just fine, so if you’re in the mood for a good laugh, be sure to check it out.
#16
Trainspotting
Mallory McCartney 2 years ago
Had the same problem with Men Who Stare at Goats. No bleeping goats!
Alexandru Bucur 2 years ago
But that's not true! There is literal goat staring going on in that movie and goats show up multiple times: 2623_1.jpg 
Jason Boyd 2 years ago
Well, at least you can look at the power station if you are stuck in Didcot...
Kat Ashworth 2 years ago (edited)
I did (for context, I was 9 and had only seen the title) suggest that my trainspotter uncle go see the film. Nope having seen both and the sequel know he would have been horrified
Stannous Flouride 2 years ago
Sounds like something Andy Warhol would have made back in his heyday.
#17
About Right
Trash Panda 🦝 2 years ago
Ghat DAMN! Is it THAT bad over there?! *Keep in mind, we're still coming off of trump over here... So it's gonna take some convincing
Sian Edwards 2 years ago
From Boris Johnson, to Liz Truss to Rishi Sunak in about 9 weeks. Plus the Queen died. Boris lied about many things to do with public healthcare, safety and money during the pandemic and eventually got the push. Liz Truss tanked the economy more in the space of a week, than the 2 years of stagnation due to the pandemic. Rishi has some very rich skeletons and shady deals in his closet. Our healthcare system is close to a full collapse due to government cuts and our economy is struggling now that we're not in the EU economic zone.
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Kat Ashworth 2 years ago
That’s not exclusively Scottish. Worse I live in one of the safest Tory constituencies too.
#18
L For Effort!
David 2 years ago
Boaty McBoatface was gold. I am annoyed they renamed it.
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RoanTheMad 2 years ago (edited)
I just about pissed myself laughing at this (because i'm that dumb and I'd been stuck in a car for hours with little entertainment but scenery) when I passed by and saw a sign for it on the way to Skye. But it IS beautiful though
PolymathNecromancer 2 years ago
GOLD MINE : Horsey McHorseface's winning race call HERE https://twitter.com/SkyRacingAU/status/871603684941086720 --- ALSO, a list of ALL Boaty McBoatface Descendants HERE https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Mcface_spoofs
As far as Scottish sitcoms go, Still Game is arguably the most popular of all time. “It's a witty, hilarious and unforgettable pastiche of Scottish life and most Scots will know more than a few real people not too dissimilar to those portrayed in the show,” the team at The Head Scratcher writes. “The writing is impeccable and remarkably there's not a single dud episode in the whole of the first 6 seasons.”
Another quirky yet hilarious Scottish show that I’ve actually watched several times myself is Limmy’s Show. It’s described as “bizarre, confusing, deranged, thoughtful and downright hilarious,” and I couldn’t agree more. I would recommend watching with subtitles if you’re not used to the Scottish accent, but the absurd comedy sketches featured are always genius.
#19
Technically The Truth
#20
Walking Germ
Lee F. 2 years ago
Dee Dee and the Finnieston crane sketch is probabl my fav. Also Jacquelin's "they did not forget me in hurry........HI HEN!" and credit card list off are some of my absolute favs
Load More Replies... Trash Panda 🦝 2 years ago
Holy hell that's the perfect Chuck Norris joke... "Chuck Norris doesn't need a COVID test, COVID gets tested for Chuck Norris". (As he punches you with his chin beard first).
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
this is the best one so far, and it's the reason sassenachs say south o' hadrian's wall.
Dr 2 years ago
You make no sense, so I am highly suspicious that you are not Scottish. Sassenachs are English people. English people say "England". Scottish people tend often to say "down South", meaning England.
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Dr 2 years ago
How dare you Americanise this? Limmy is one of our very finest Scottish comedians. Seen him out and about a few times in the West End.
Load More Replies... #21
Breaking News
Kimberly Kasper 2 years ago
All I can think is, what news will I be breaking to my family today. I'm not sure yet but there will be breaking news , for everyone I know! Some people will be getting breaking news daily for at least a week.
GreenWick 2 years ago
Lol. It's hardly divorce material Charlotte *av married a vapist* is actually hilarious 😂
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If you don’t know much about Scotland aside from the stereotypes that we’ve all heard before, you might be wondering which ones, if any, are actually true. So Sara Jayasuriya, a Glasgow local, wrote a piece for her blog Hey Explorer breaking down how much truth is behind some common Scottish stereotypes. One that she mentions is that there are redheads everywhere, which actually does have some truth to it. She notes that, despite redheads making up only 2% of the world’s population, they do account for 13% of Scotland. So they’re not the dominant color, but you’re definitely likely to see more of them there than many other countries!
#22
Wee Moon
EmBree 2 years ago
My aunt was about to buy a new phone since hers stopped giving notice of incoming calls. Luckily she mentioned it to the guy in the store and he showed her the "moon thing". With a click, he miraculously fixed her phone. She was happy she didn't have to spend money on a new phone but upset she drove for one hour to find out she could have fixed it that easily.
#23
Wee Man Loves Henry The Hoover
Bluetoyou 2 years ago
I had a student like that. Was a preK with something wrong. Was obsessed with brooms. Cute as a model but give him a broom to play with and he was happy as a lark. Great reward item. Would stop what he was doing and run to the door if he saw the janitor go by sweeping the floor. Would be forever happy if he got that job. Elated.
Xenon 2 years ago
Then a few years later you'll love them and be showing them to friends!
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Yurie Choi 2 years ago
I lived 9 years in the UK as a kid and I am coming up on 10 years in the US but I am Korean and lived in Korea for 10 years. My cultural identity and history classes are a jumbled up mess but I loved Henry the Hoover. I remember taking hin everywhere
#24
Wish I Knew This Before
Another stereotype you might assume about Scotland is that Scots eat haggis all the time. Haggis, a savory pudding made of oatmeal, spices and sheep organs, is the country’s national dish, but Sara explains that it’s usually not eaten more than once a week. In fact, about 40% of Scots don’t even like it!
And if you’d expect to see men wearing kilts everywhere you go when visiting Scotland, you might be disappointed. “Kilts are still a special part of Scottish heritage, but they’re actually not worn frequently anymore,” Sara explains. “They’re typically reserved for special occasions like weddings, ceilidhs (traditional dancing parties), and sometimes football games for a show of patriotism.”
#25
May The Odds Be Ever In Your Favour
xolitaire 2 years ago
Yeah, we had 45°C in Germany last summer. No idea what that is in Freedom Units, sorry :(
𝓚𝓮𝓲𝓽𝓱 2 years ago (edited)
what (thanks strawberry pizza lol I honesty had no idea this was a thing)
Strawberry Pizza 2 years ago (edited)
These temperatures are in Celsius - im not sure what the equivalents are in Fahrenheit, but it was so, so hot. And there's a joke about ginger people being bad at coping with heat (and getting sunburned really easily). Hope this helps x Edit: no problem :)
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Garry Cowan 2 years ago
Half my family are as Scottish ginger as is physically possible...I'm so glad I got my mum's dark hair
Boris Long-Johnson 2 years ago
She’s the life and “soul” at the family dos?
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#26
Some Size A Neck On They Hings
SaneMinotaur (she/her) 2 years ago
Same, not heard this joke before and it did not disappoint!
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#27
Natural Order Restored In Glasgow
Dan Padgett 2 years ago
It should be the council's duty to make sure he has a cone at all times.
Ace 2 years ago
He's been wearing a traffic cone hat since the 1980s, so someone is doing that job without the council's help.
Load More Replies... LokisLilButterknife 2 years ago
*cough cough* My friends didn't do this after we graduated...*cough cough**....
We hope you’re enjoying this celebration of Scottish humor, pandas. Whether you’re ready to go searching for the Loch Ness Monster or not, it’s nice to know you can always channel your inner Scot on Reddit or Twitter to appreciate the nation’s incredible sense of humor. Keep upvoting the pics that give you a craving for haggis, and let us know in the comments below what your favorite thing about the beautiful nation of Scotland is. Then, if you’re interested in laughing at even more hilarious tweets from Scots, be sure to check out Bored Panda’s last article on the same topic right here!
#28
This Will Never Not Be Funny
Scott Rackley 2 years ago
So you're not allowed to fly within 3 miles of the ship, but if you do, keep it above 6000 feet?
Ronnie Beaton 2 years ago
The day the carrier sailed down the river Clyde, I was just leaving work and had this mental image of the two local ferries being packed with suspicious looking "tourists", all with heavy Russian and Chinese accents.
#29
A Would S**te Masel
Awesome At Being Autistic 2 years ago
This should be higher. I haven't snorted that much since the last time I was at Pablo Escobar's.
Lizzie Lola 2 years ago
Being born: 1 minute you're floating around in a warm pool, the next your forcibly thrust out into a whole new world
PolymathNecromancer 2 years ago
"Gaff" is an irish slang word for "house", its also used across Scotland and parts of England and Wales.
Load More Replies... #30
Mulhern Not Having A Good Time Of It In The Comments
Fenchurch 2 years ago
Pass on that he's an absolute f*****g legend won't you
Load More Replies... RoanTheMad 2 years ago (edited)
I'm in Yorkshire, there's a can of Irn Bru on my desk and I had some shortbread as a snack with my coffee this morning, so I'm going to guess he's in Wales.
oddly_informed_raven 2 years ago
Anthony is comparing using shortbread and whatever that drink is to say he's in Scotland, to using a warm pint and racism to say he's in the southern US
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Beruthiel45 2 years ago
Gregg's. They're everywhere. An' goin' for 24 hour openings noo ah hear.
#31
Magic Mick In 21 Pumped Street
#32
Fair Question That
Spam Jam 2 years ago
I'd google some of the shocking things Prince Phillip said in his time. The argument of "he's from a different time" doesn't even come close to covering the drivel he came out with. The royals before him were not anymore decent in this regard either
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ValdaDeDieu 2 years ago
Let's just say Harry has grown past his misdeeds and Piers Morgan is full of it; every time he speaks he spews a reminder - the buttface.
The Original Bruno 2 years ago
The Duke of Edinburgh doesn't count now that he's dead? Pretty sure when he wished he was a virus so he could kill 4 billion people he wasn't thinking of limeys.
#33
Train Rides
Dr 2 years ago
Don't translate for them. You either get it or you don't. Them's the rules.
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Miss Scarlet 2 years ago
I like to think I would have gotten it if I hadn't been thrown off by the lack of a comma after "up" and "your" instead of "you're". Thanks Dan.
#34
A Wee Fanny
Cupcake Kitten 2 years ago
Why is this censored in the post but not in the caption?? BP makes no sense sometimes
Sheila Carty 2 years ago
It was probably censored in the screenshot but they didn't bother in the title because it isn't offensive in the US.
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Wicked Moon216 2 years ago
Once I knew what this meant I laughed so hard I was crying!!!! Can I please move to Scotland? Y'all make much more sense there.
LokisLilButterknife 2 years ago (edited)
It is a truly amazing place and I miss it with all my heart! (I have family in both the US and UK and am sadly working in the US now as my career field brought me here. )
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Robert T 2 years ago
Diminutive form of Francis. As in my great aunt F***y. Not to be confused with your great aunt's f***y. ;-)
Load More Replies... #35
Wooo!
#36
That's The Story
Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago
Maybe he's hoping to get a puppy out of it? :p
Load More Replies... ShaZam Beaubien 2 years ago
Maybe Darren wants to know if he has to contribute to doggie support?
Michelle C 2 years ago
That’s one of the creepiest things I’ve ever seen. I really appreciate Luke’s comeback!
#37
I Want This To Be Real
Kelsey Williams 2 years ago
"Maw [my mom/mum] wid [would] dae [do] anyhin [anything] fur [for] a tan shes following the sun ended up nexty [next to] the bus stoap [stop]"
Robert T 2 years ago
Och, lae it be. Sassanachs nae gonna ken wut yer on aboot.
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tHeBoRdEsTpAnDa 2 years ago
I do not. Neither the street sunbathing or Scottish slang lol
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Xenon 2 years ago
They like the way it makes them look, all sun kissed and healthy. They don't realize or care about the damage they're doing.
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detective miller's hat 2 years ago
My aunt used to do this when she visited us in the summer, just drag the lawn chair all over the yard following the sun. I love her to death, but her skin now resembles old shoe leather.
ShaZam Beaubien 2 years ago
Serious question ... I didn't know the accent allows the words to be spelled phonetically. Is that really true?
LokisLilButterknife 2 years ago
This user is using a combination of Scots language (https://www.scotslanguage.com/pages/view/id/6) and more modern Scottish slang.
Load More Replies... #38
Never Seen Such Charity
#39
Can Only Be In Scotland…
Eastendbird 2 years ago
This is funny enough but also reminds me of Sean Locke on 8 out of 10 cats does countdown.
VonBlade 2 years ago
Hey now, Dermot Murnaghan is only a tiny bit of a c**t, not enough to blur entirely.
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#40
Just To Help Yous Oot A Wee Bit
Eastendbird 2 years ago (edited)
BP, are you seriously now starting to censor PARTS of words?!! Also, why? The missing parts are "min" and "oac" as far as I can tell.
Trash Panda 🦝 2 years ago
What are y'all seeing that I'm not? There's nothing censoring any words on the post or the headline comment...
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RoanTheMad 2 years ago
"mingin", "Bairn", "Hammered" , "Scooby" , "Numpty" , "Baltic", "Manky" and "Tattie" are also used in Northern England, too. At least in North Yorkshire, anyway.
MoMcB 2 years ago
A lot of it is also used in Northern Ireland, probably the Ulster Scots coming through.
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Beruthiel45 2 years ago
I see a lot of Geordie dialect in that list. I can actually translate it. 🤔😉 Divvent bash is, ye knaa aah'm reet. 😎
LokisLilButterknife 2 years ago (edited)
BoredPanda has a giant stick of their a**e (blood freaking hell they just censored A-R-S-E) when it comes to censorship. They do absolutely nothing about the horrible trolls on this site, yet censor idiotic words. Dicky and w***y used to be censored, but now the magically aren't today. They even took to censoring breasts in great works of art. It's pretty damn sad.
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Spoiler Alert 2 years ago
There are soooo many more too 😂 Minced, maracked, blootered, trollied, rat-@rsed, to name but a few
Load More Replies... XanthippeⓐWulf🇨🇦 🇬🇧 2 years ago
This reminds me of the "Scouse to American" tshirt I made for my partner so when he speaks, they can just look up the words on his chest 😆
Nahkaparturi X 2 years ago (edited)
Hahaha, "wingnut". I wonder if there was a specific inspiration for this one ... pure dead brilliant !
#41
As A Glaswegian, Even I Was Surprised By The Scale Of Braehead Shopping Centre
#42
Mosh Pit
3 Owls In A Coat 2 years ago
“Weird Scottish mosh pit” is on my bucket list
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Claire Ferguson 2 years ago
Canie beat a Scottish mosh pit, it's not hogmanay until auld lang syne is on.
Lene 2 years ago
Just looked it up on youtube. Looks FUN!!!! In Denmark we just have this song about riding on a train to this village by the sea and Danes will run in a big circle and for the chorus get down on their knees slamming elbows and fits onto the floor. It's weird and confusing. But fun. 😁
Load More Replies... Jane Alexander 2 years ago
Danced a similar dance in California years ago, called 'El Borracho'*. -but we weren't even drunk. *'drunk' in Spanish.
#43
Man Of The People Bob Servant
Eastendbird 2 years ago
I'd forgotten them, you're right they are hilarious!
Load More Replies... #44
The Best Kind Of I Told You So
Shark Lady 2 years ago
I predicted the Queen would live 18 months after Philip died, I was one month out.
RoanTheMad 2 years ago
iirc, there was some guy on Twitter who predicted the exact date a couple months beforehand. I think I'm the cause though, I tweeted "f**k off Liz" like.. 2 days before the queen died. I meant it for Liz Truss though. :/ (but then she resigned soon after so... you win some you lose some I guess?)
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#45
Anyone Lost A Hat?
Dr 2 years ago
Fine tradition of putting cones onto inaccessible things e.g. the statue of the man on the horse in Glasgow. Always coned.
Load More Replies... Susan Robinson 2 years ago
Better check that statue of the guy on the horse! (Sorry, stupid American doesn’t know his name, but I am sure he was important!!)
KitKat Tamson 2 years ago
That's my home town! Also, it's still up there, and that happened last summer (2022).
XenoMurph 2 years ago
Drunk lads without tshirts or a sense of self preservation.
Load More Replies... #46
Scottish People Gpt
Beruthiel45 2 years ago
Aah kin dee better than that and ah'm from Newcassel. Feeble effort laddie, yer gettin' an F frae me.
Niels Boehm 2 years ago
Yup, it says "Model: Default" at the top, which selects the engine model.
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#47
Washes Scuds And Bashes Fuds
3 Owls In A Coat 2 years ago
Is this an “Andre the giant” joke? Because if yes it’s hilarious.
#48
Very, Very Sorry
#49
Tattie Juice
CultOfBambi 2 years ago
Lol! Is that genuinely a Scottish term for jizz? Never heard it before but I will definitely be using it from now on.
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#50
Smoking A Malboro Red While Wearing A Knights Helmet? Nae Bor Mate
#51
Mondays Forecast
Cupcake Kitten 2 years ago
How is this not censored?? The f-word is literally there 5 times lol
The Original Bruno 2 years ago
The censors can't understand it because It's Scottish.
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Beruthiel45 2 years ago
What they'd really be saying is, "Well, ficky fick fick to this, I'm on me way to Iceland for a bit."
#52
Tescobar
Verena 2 years ago
Dutch plates on the cars. Not scottish anyway, photo was years ago in the Dutch newspapers as example how the Dutch police can easily identify illegal weed farming, which quite often is installed in the attics. Due to poor insulation back then, it needed a crazy amount of electricity/gas for heating. Usually the energy companies will notify the police if the type of house does not match with the meter readings. The real danger is people tampering with the meters to circumvent that, with fires burning down the house.
#53
Dalek In Glasgow
RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago
Where's the Doctor? Torchwood is in Wales, so they're no help at all.
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#55
New Motor
#56
International Aid
censorshipsucks 2 years ago (edited)
TBH if the ukrainians really wanted to win they'd just need to ask scotland to send a regiment of neds and offer payment in vodka and footie matches after.
Joe Publique 2 years ago
If they sent the neds fae ma maw's bit the war would be over in 20 minutes...
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#58
Hiding In Asda
#59
This Strange Sculpture Has Popped Up In A Few Places Around Glasgow, The Graffiti Is Fitting
#61
Found This While Searching For The Origin Of Ye Cannie Shove Yer Grannie Aff A Bus
Rebelliousslug 2 years ago
I would like to see this translated. I really tried but…got through about half and gave up
Ace 2 years ago
What is the origin of the tune "Ye cannae shove yer Granny aff a bus"? F**k all those swanky answers from all those history types. I wrote this song myself when I was thirteen and a half. My Granny and I were on a bus trying to get back to her house. My granny tried to drink some of my Buckfast (cheap strong alcoholic beverage) we were close to the exit of the bus so I gave her a little push and she happened to fall out the back onto a cyclist who happened to be undertaking the bus at the time. Heavens above! What a commotion! All these people kind of descended on us all at once. All their voices came together in one glorious harmony like a band of angels whose bus had stopped so they could all get out and take a p**s because all the Buckfast they’d been consuming in their drunken binge was filling their bladders and kicking f**k out of their kidneys and now all their todgers are out and spraying f**k onto the side of the bus and a collective sigh of praise and thanksgiving goes out
Load More Replies... Michelle C 2 years ago
🤣 That’s awful!! I don’t imagine OP’s Granny was very happy after that and probably never lets (or let) him or her live it down!!
#62
Look Who It Isnae
JennyñÄdrian Cotter 2 years ago
Absolutely love the show..... Mind you I'm Australian and have to have the subtitles turnt on 🤣😂 🤪
WhatISaidWas 2 years ago
this is how I learned to speak Scottish/Scotch/Scots
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Vix Spiderthrust 2 years ago
"If that's the truth, then I'm the artist formerly known as Prince. And if I'm the artist formerly known as Prince, then I've got some fairly serious questions about my royalty payments."
#63
Life’s Too Short For Fancy English Sentences!
Stardust she/her 2 years ago
I think that it’s time I create my own dialact or a written language of my own that requires fewer words as I need to write notes in class very fast. So far I’m just doing pictograms and smashing words together or removing them
#65
Cannae Beat It
Sad Quokka 2 years ago (edited)
Personally I prefer harder water, but you get more limescale issues. I go up north a bit and I'm always looking forward to coming back down and drinking harder water 😆
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Richard Keel 2 years ago
I was in the far south recently for a sesh - their tap water is not fir for human consumption
#67
Blinds Open Is Code
#68
A Fan Of Star Wars
Genericist 2 years ago
I don't think it needs translating, it's not that obscure.
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#69
The Robots Will Tak' O'er
PolymathNecromancer 2 years ago
This kinda stuff is a good example of the *real* use for this sort of tech.....
#70
She Is Definitely Bilingual
#71
Can You Legally Punch A Seagull?
#72
I Have Been Here For 2 Days, And I Think I'm Deaf Already
Joe Publique 2 years ago
Aye man, but nuhun's louder than a blue whale in an ambulance...
Load More Replies... #73
This Must Just Be A Scottish Thing
Joe Publique 2 years ago
Bit neddy, no? Burberry, Superdry, Kappa, Lacoste, bolt ya rocket...
Load More Replies... #74
Howling
BluEyedSeoulite 2 years ago
I think they are focusing on the Harry and Meghan c**p just to distract from Prince Andrew
Beruthiel45 2 years ago
I think "they" are focusing on the Markles because they're always contradicting their self proclaimed wish for privacy, as in all publicity is good publicity, while Andy is keeping his head down. All you hear of him is speculatition by royal muckraker reporters. The other two court the limelight. Fed up to the teeth of hearing about both the uncle and the other pair. They're immaterial to my life and simply provide fodder for the news media and cash for the so called royal correspondents who live off gossip and innuendo. Waste of time and energy.
Load More Replies... Dr 2 years ago
I like how the comments appear under this one, because it isn't written in "challenging" dialect. I take it that only me and about 3 other pandas can read and understand everything else on this page?
Beruthiel45 2 years ago
That would be a No. I could give you an example if you insist. 🙄
Load More Replies... 
#75
Am Sorry I Had To Share It
#76
Alright Hen
RoanTheMad 2 years ago
"hen" is massively used in Yorkshire too, eg: "hey hen!" kind of like how in the midlands derby/nottingham kinda area I notice they say "chick/duck" a lot.
#77
Slept Through It All
digitalin 2 years ago
I like trains. I want to go to Europe and ride trains everywhere. US trains suck. I mean, they're cool and all, but you have to drive forever just to get to them.
Lene 2 years ago
I really hope for you that your wish come true :) trains are great transportation. 🚂🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃
Load More Replies... Beruthiel45 2 years ago
Trains are very restful, you can read or sleep or play on your tablet while traveling, But first time I heard of anybody spending a night on a train and didn't realise it wasnt moving.
ravn 2 years ago
I had a similar experience traveling cross-country on Via Rail (Canada). Went to sleep as we pulled in to Edmonton, woke up 8 hours later...we were just pulling away from Edmonton. Lovely trip overall though :)
Load More Replies... Michelle C 2 years ago
That sounds like it would be an adventure, honestly! Now, if it happens all the time that would be a problem!
#78
Happy Burns Day
#79
Rangers Fans Fume At The Facilities At Seville Stadium As Supporters Urged To Drink Toilet Water To Stay Hydrated
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
them's fightin words. (for the americans reading this, celtic and rangers will basically fight over anything).
#80
A Wee Dram For Iain’s Gran? Count Me In
#82
Scots-Yiddish; That’s A New One
Michelle C 2 years ago
As a Scottish-American Jewish lady (a little bit of everything, really), I would say yes, indeed!
#83
Tam's At It Again!
#84
Anyone Else Remember This S**te? My Auntie Had It And It Always Confused Me Like Who Is She Protecting The Carpet For?
Lesley Zed 2 years ago
Yup. Here in Canada too. My mum had it all the time I lived at home and after that too.
RoanTheMad 2 years ago (edited)
I don't remember it, because I see it when I visit my granddad and his partner. XD
#85
... And In Many Ways Came To Better Represent The City In Which He Resided
#86
An Immediate Heider
Spam Jam 2 years ago
He kept the accent up the whole shoot with the cast so he'd find it easier to do when the camera's were rolling. The cast had no clue he was actually English until the wrap party
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Con O Cuinn 2 years ago
I don't feel bad when Irish people make a balls of the Scottish accent. Just payback for Gerard Butler and Sean Connery have done to ours over the years
Beruthiel45 2 years ago
Obviously never been to Geordieland. Folks from elsewhere can't tell the difference. I've lived in Canada for 55 years and both here and in southern England people have told me, oh, you're Scottish. Sometimes I just agree. 😉
#88
Playing “Chappy” With A Paranoid Patient
#91
There's Only One Type Of Pink Sauce We Recognise In Glasgow
#92
Things I Miss About My Sunday Morning Walks In Edinburgh
#93
It Was Never In Any Doubt
#94
Local Pet Shop Patter
Stardust she/her 2 years ago
But this is premium shite, it’s better than the shite in the back garden
Load More Replies... 
#96
That Boy At Timpsons Is Getting Kicked Square In The Nuts
SaneMinotaur (she/her) 2 years ago
Still Game is one of the best shows ever made, ngl.
Load More Replies... #97
‘Tried’- Makes Me Sad
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What do you think ?
Eastendbird 2 years ago
This is one list I'd happily not shorten and would see repeated any time you like. Laughed hard at so many of these. Oh Scotland, never change.
Emma S 2 years ago
Scottish people are the funniest in the world. Watch "two Scottish men in a lift" on YouTube and you'll be rolling the floors.
RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago
I have traveled a fair bit of the world, and I frankly concur (if and when you can actually understand them that is). The difficulty I have though is knowing what the hell they're saying. While English is my second language, I'm pretty damned fluent. Even so, you get me on some English dialects, and I can get lost quickly. For some reason though, Scots is the hardest for me. Followed closely by some of the London slang. I couldn't watch the show Shameless because I just couldn't follow along. Even living in the US as long as I have, some of the dialects here I can't follow, like the Tangier and Hoi Toider dialects spoken in Virginia and North Carolina (aka Carolina Brogue).
Load More Replies... The Original Bruno 2 years ago
Anyone else hafta read these out loud (or at least in your headvoice) to yourself for the first few dozen? Nonsense in print, but makes perfect sense once you say it?
B.Nelson 2 years ago
Yep. You read it, makes no sense. You say it out loud and it makes perfect sense.
Load More Replies... censorshipsucks 2 years ago
what makes it funny is the deep-seated anger behind the accent and complaining.
Got Myself 4 Pandas 2 years ago
I love being Scottish. Can't see me ever wanting to live anywhere else. It's awesome
LokisLilButterknife 2 years ago
I love and miss you Scotland! I swear I'll be back to visit family and friends there.
Tamra 2 years ago
I hope you get to visit them soon. I imagine you must get very homesick, at times.
Load More Replies... RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago (edited)
Honest question to the Scottish pandas. Does the auto correct on your devices work when typing Scots words. Is "Dinnae" a word preloaded into your phone dictionaries, or do you have to set that all up yourselves?
Got Myself 4 Pandas 2 years ago
After using them a few times it picks up on it and no longer tries to automatically change them - although Samsung is better at this than apple, but they learn eventually
Load More Replies... Eastendbird 2 years ago
This is one list I'd happily not shorten and would see repeated any time you like. Laughed hard at so many of these. Oh Scotland, never change.
Emma S 2 years ago
Scottish people are the funniest in the world. Watch "two Scottish men in a lift" on YouTube and you'll be rolling the floors.
RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago
I have traveled a fair bit of the world, and I frankly concur (if and when you can actually understand them that is). The difficulty I have though is knowing what the hell they're saying. While English is my second language, I'm pretty damned fluent. Even so, you get me on some English dialects, and I can get lost quickly. For some reason though, Scots is the hardest for me. Followed closely by some of the London slang. I couldn't watch the show Shameless because I just couldn't follow along. Even living in the US as long as I have, some of the dialects here I can't follow, like the Tangier and Hoi Toider dialects spoken in Virginia and North Carolina (aka Carolina Brogue).
Load More Replies... The Original Bruno 2 years ago
Anyone else hafta read these out loud (or at least in your headvoice) to yourself for the first few dozen? Nonsense in print, but makes perfect sense once you say it?
B.Nelson 2 years ago
Yep. You read it, makes no sense. You say it out loud and it makes perfect sense.
Load More Replies... censorshipsucks 2 years ago
what makes it funny is the deep-seated anger behind the accent and complaining.
Got Myself 4 Pandas 2 years ago
I love being Scottish. Can't see me ever wanting to live anywhere else. It's awesome
LokisLilButterknife 2 years ago
I love and miss you Scotland! I swear I'll be back to visit family and friends there.
Tamra 2 years ago
I hope you get to visit them soon. I imagine you must get very homesick, at times.
Load More Replies... RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago (edited)
Honest question to the Scottish pandas. Does the auto correct on your devices work when typing Scots words. Is "Dinnae" a word preloaded into your phone dictionaries, or do you have to set that all up yourselves?
Got Myself 4 Pandas 2 years ago
After using them a few times it picks up on it and no longer tries to automatically change them - although Samsung is better at this than apple, but they learn eventually
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