Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
Finding the right person to spend the rest of your life with isn't about finding somebody who's perfect. It's about finding somebody who's perfect for you. Because as you can see from this hilarious list of marriage tweets compiled by Bored Panda, it's important for a healthy relationship to have a husband or wife who can handle all of your weird, annoying, and a downright unbearable sense of humor!
From the woman whose husband neglected gardening duties to buy the cat an inflatable unicorn horn, and hilarious marriage advice to the man whose wife forced him to go to IKEA despite the fact that they didn't need to buy anything, the collection of marriage jokes below is sure to make married life seem awesome. Don't forget to vote for the best pranks and funniest situations!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
My Wife Didn't Appreciate My Fridge Magnet Poem
Diksha Deshpande 8 years ago
No matter how many sets of those I buy, I can never make a legible sentence...
RELATED:
#2
Asked My Wife Where My Eye Drops Were. She Responded "In The Bedroom On The Tv Stand Under The Lightswitch Slightly Trapped Between The Wall"
Max Lombardi 8 years ago
you grabbed a crucifix and startdd screaming in latin get out of her body ?
Laura LaTata 8 years ago
I asked myself, "Why didn't she pick it up and put it on the table?" Then I remembered, I wouldn't have either...
#3
For The Past Two Years, Anything Sitting In Our Garage That The Wife Says We Can't Get Rid Of, I've Hung As "Art" In Our Otherwise Useless Front Room
Heather Handschue 8 years ago
I'd love being married to this guuy. me: two can play at this game. *starts pointing out s**t7 at random*
Load More Replies...
John L 8 years ago
Have you considered that you too may need a special place there,...just to be sure, of course. hide-59426...8576d4.gif 
#4
My Husband Sure Knows How To Make A Pregnant, Bloated Girl Feel Special On Her Birthday
John L 8 years ago
You may not appreciate this now, but later on you'll cherish his thoughtfulness. Hugs-and-k...051928.gif 
#5
My Hubbys Reaction When He Tasted That I Added Whiskey To His Coffee
#6
Wife And I Spend An Hour Trying To Get The Cat To Turn Off The Lights, So We Didn't Have To Get Out Of Bed
Devin Best 8 years ago
I hate to admit it but I used to have a curtain rod I kept by the bed for just that reason.
Kayla Albert 7 years ago
Did it work! Lol or is that why it’s says an hour and not just tried lol
Tanya Andreeva 8 years ago
It's nice to have s.b. to have fun together. not only men like to be kids sometimes
#7
Told The Wife The Floor Was Gross And Needed Cleaning. Told Her I Was Willing To Do It. She Said We Don't Need To. Clean Half She Said And Let's See The Difference... Mission Accomplished. (We Don't Have Tiled Floors)
Jennifer Oldham 8 years ago
Ok - anybody else take a minute to actually *see* what he did? I though half would be clean... like a line - this was amazing once I saw it. 😵
#8
My Wife Has Been Trying Anything To Remind Me To Bring My Lunch To Work
John L 8 years ago
Not only is she highly organizes, but she has a sense of humor too. Definitely a KEEPER! yupi3ti-59...fdc5b2.gif 
#9
Marriage Is All About Compromise. For Example, I Didn't Really Want A Dog. My Wife Did. So We Compromised... And Here Is Our New Puppy Copper
Domingo Valles 8 years ago
Uh, is it just me, or is that dog's d**k resting on top of his foot like some kind of majestic red python poised atop the cliff from Lion King?
#10
I Wore This Custom Shirt During My Wife's Labor. Wife Was Not Amused
Lana Shumilova 8 years ago
I bet on both. MWAHHAHAHAH. is it possible to bet on both at all?
Load More Replies... 
#11
After Working An 18 Hour Day, I Came Home To Find This Note Left By My Wife In The Bathroom
#12
Whenever We Get Into A Heated Argument, My Wife Stops Mid Argument To Take A Selfie With Me, I'm Never Amused
Allana Rose 8 years ago
But is does seem to lighten the mood right? How can u stay mad when she does this!!
#13
What I Love About My Parents Is That After 41 Years Of Marriage, They Still Know How To Embarrass Their Kids
Kerri Russ 8 years ago
I absolutely love this picture... I would never see my folks do that, though I could see my Mom giggling if Dad suggested it.
#14
My Pregnant Wife Sent This To Me At 2:12am This Morning. I'm Going To Guess That My Snoring Was Quite Bad Last Night
Jeremie Guerra 8 years ago
So..I assume Huichol Indians women only had one pregnancy...(with the same companion )^^
John L 8 years ago
Great Post! I've read about many matrilineal tribes, where the expectant fathers all went into emotional labor along with wives, in solidarity. But I don't remember this practice.
Load More Replies... Helping Panda 8 years ago
They were a wise people! They figured out population control long before it became necessary!
#15
When You Ask Your Husband To Pack Your Lunch
Bunnies are better!! 8 years ago
the way the apples and banana are laid out is too much for me to handle
Bunnies are better!! 8 years ago
Does anyone else see it or is my mind crazy/dirty minded?
Load More Replies...
John L 8 years ago
I can see Two messages here. The first one is to have a Really Nice meal. The second one is that there's an even better meal awaiting when you get home. Idea-59427...c11a5d.gif 
Jim Sterrett 8 years ago
that or canadian men are too lazy to be bothered
Load More Replies... 
#16
I Needed To Borrow My Wife's Phone... She Said Her Password Was Our Anniversary. I Gave The Phone Back And Said I Didn't Know What Happened
Intensive Panda 8 years ago
better call emergency now, 5 minutes is long enough to get killed by furious wife
N G 8 years ago
Ahh, so that's why you can still make emergency calls without the password
Load More Replies... 
Everything AGR 6 years ago
This happened to my family’s iPad… my mom was then on hold/call with the Apple store for like 3+ hours!!😠😠😤 We literally COULDNT restore it bc it was so old, we also had to reschedule our appt at the Apple store a bunch, but we’re all good now👍 Upvote if you read to the end of this :)
PARANOIDANDROID 8 years ago
good thing my anniversary is 4/20, I would only forget under one circumstance, and hopefully she be there with me and forgets it too
#17
We Were Looking Through Old Pictures Of Me When My Wife Started Laughing And Got The Dog's Flea Pills From The Cupboard
Lena Sterling 8 years ago
Don't use these pills for your dog. There are some cases where dogs had a toxic reaction and die caused by bravecto pills.
Inge Kalis 8 years ago
I saw on tv that bravecto is actually a very dangerous product that can cause seizures. So be careful :)
#18
My Wife And I Accidentally Got Each Other The Same Gift For Our Second Anniversary
#19
Marriage Milestone
Hans 8 years ago
Is it just me, or does someone else find it strange to say or write "f**k you" when addressing the spouse, even if it would be in a kidding mood?
John L 8 years ago
Haven't established just who's in charge, eh? You're never going to win, so you 'd better get used to it. touche-594...855bdd.gif 
Kerri Russ 8 years ago
I love this! A couple who are comfortable enough with each other to go over the line. I would bet they don't SAY it to one another but even if they do, kudos to them. People give that word too much weight in this world. It's just a word.
DancingToMyself 8 years ago
Well, if you trying to see it in that manner, EVERYTHING is "just a word". I don't think so.
Load More Replies...
#20
My Wife Said I Could Decorate The Guest Bathroom As My Own. Multiple Screams Have Ensued
Anita Wolf 8 years ago
that bleeding person is really good in writing backwards! even more so, considering the uncomfortable situation that forces them to ask for help!
#21
My Wife Includes Little Notes In My Lunch When She Packs It. I've Been Saving Them In My Desk
#22
Married For 62 Years, But My Grandpa Will Still Pull Out His Road Atlas To Prove My Grandma Wrong
Blue Cicada 8 years ago
My parents do this. We have English and German dictionaries by our dining table for double checking details.
Susann Campbell 8 years ago
My husband will Google it to prove me wrong. I'm right over half the time. LOL
Weim Central 8 years ago
My vision may be going but I can still see clearly that you're wrong! ;)
ispeak catanese 8 years ago
My parents have been married over 50 years and do the same with huge dictionaries
#23
My Wife And I Do Not Lead A Very Exciting Life
#24
Caught My Husband Red Handed... Thought He Was Working Out
John L 8 years ago
Remember this. Inside Every Man is a child just dying to come out and play. :D
Šimon Špaček 8 years ago
The only difference between total loser and best dad in the world? Well, both are playing with trains or cars but there is baby sitting next to dad.
#25
Year No. 4 At My Wife's Family Reunion
Helping Panda 8 years ago
Or his name is John and there are 4 other Johns in the family...
Load More Replies... 
DancingToMyself 8 years ago
I'm curious - what kind of wedding ring is this? What's the material?
#26
Whenever I Asked My Husband What He Wanted For Dinner He Always Answered, "Bacon-Wrapped Shrimp And Asparagus With Hollandaise Sauce" Just To F*ck With Me. Today I Served Him This
Jim Sterrett 8 years ago
showed him what? hes been asking for it for years. its about time he got it
Load More Replies... 
#27
My Wife Said This License Plate Made Her Think Of Me
#28
Never Have I Been So Mad At My Wife Before
John L 8 years ago
If she cheats on you here, be on the lookout for other things she will cheat on. :O
#29
Marriage Is About Sharing (Almost) Everything
John L 8 years ago
You forgot the magic word after "Go Away". You still have a lot to learn about partnerships. :O
Lucie Koláčková 8 years ago
I love sharing with my hisband or with my son,even it is last piece and is "mine" ..
Caroline Gagne 8 years ago
Haha always eat sugar slower too ..everytime i eat my half there come my man with his puppy eye 😂🤘
#30
Trying To Sent Subtle Hints To My Wife Last Night
Jeremie Guerra 8 years ago
Do you see a bear in the middle climbing a rock or is it just me? ^^
John L 8 years ago
You definitely did not major in psychology, did you? SoFunny-59...c8ae02.gif 
#31
When My Husband Shops Online For Me
Kerri Russ 8 years ago
This needs to go to Page 1... First really good laugh I've had here so far today.
#32
My Husband Is An Asshole
Jennifer Oldham 8 years ago
Bwahahahaha!!!! I love it. I would have died and then laughed and then haunted his a*s!! 😂😂😂
#33
I Love Making Cookies With My Wife
John L 8 years ago
What's that old saying............"Flattery will get you Everywhere". Hugs-and-k...4de895.gif 
Kane Cheung 8 years ago
Made me think of ghost. Whoaaaaa my love.... My darling..... I hunger for your. Ahem.
#34
My Husband Didn't Want A Birthday Cake
#35
My Pregnant Wife Demanded I Go To The Store For Frozen Yogurt. I Was Temped To Play A Joke, But Wanted To Live
Long Joan Silver 8 years ago
"I wanted to live" hahahahaha! I already feel sorry for my future dude, when I have his kids. That poor old sod! HAHA!
#36
This Is What Happens When My Wife Leaves On A Business Trip And I'm Home Alone. When She's Home Vs. When She's Gone
Momogi 8 years ago
Finally, sitting on the couch without mommy yelling at you
Load More Replies... 
Susann Campbell 8 years ago
Your a very useless lazy guy , but loves the dog and recycles so your not all bad.
#37
My Husband Challenged Me To See If I Could Fit In My New Suitcase... I Sent Him This Response
Leah Woodard 8 years ago
Is her husband taking the pic from the outside? Did she know he was in the house? (If this were a horror movie, he'd be zipping her in, in the next pic)
Leah Woodard 8 years ago
I can only think of a few reasons your husband might want to know if you fit in a suitcase...and none of them good. Is that him, taking the pic from the outside? Did she know he was in the house? He's in the house!?!? Run!!!!
Dani Stevens Stuhr 7 years ago
I hope you realize he only asked you because he wants to know if your dead body will fit inside.
Max Lombardi 8 years ago
As long as he didn't ask who took the second photo, you should be fine.
Susann Campbell 8 years ago
You now fit in a suit case, why did your husband want to know this? Bwaaahaha
Anita Wolf 8 years ago
Scary request ... don't mess with him now! He knows he could get your corps out of the house without arising suspicion ;-)
#38
Marriage Status
Wyndmere 8 years ago
I did that to my cat when she wouldn't get off the bed - she loved it.
Load More Replies... #39
I Came Home To This Last Night. I Married The Right Woman
Kerri Russ 8 years ago
Very cute... I love seeing couples play around with each other like this. Humor is so necessary!
#40
My Wife Hates Comic Book Movies. Thanks Universal
Kerri Russ 8 years ago
Best. Movie. Ever. Made. Every woman needs to see this movie whether they are fans of the genre or not. It is hilarious and you get to see Ryan Reynolds' nude derriere. And it truly driven by a love story... a love story with really foul language but a love story nonetheless.
Paul Gettle (radwolf76) 8 years ago
"love story with really foul language" -- Now lets not forget all the gratuitous violence. But yes, there was a straight up love story at the core of the film.
Load More Replies...
#41
The "My Wife/Girlfriend Made Me Go To The Mall" Support Group Is Underway
Susan Gardner 8 years ago
I don't understand why they even go if they are not going to spend time together, but whatevs
Blue Cicada 8 years ago
Yeah, why make your partner go if it's not something they enjoy?
Load More Replies...
#42
My Husband Got Tired Of Wine Stains Everywhere So He Got Me A Sippy Wine Cup
Ruth Meszaros 8 years ago
This is not the way to do it! You need a non-spilling car cup, like the one I got for my husband's wine.
Hetal Vyas 8 years ago
To anyone living in the UK, you can buy something similar in Matalan!! Wine cup with lid and straw!!
#43
I'm Starting A Fight With My Wife
Jeremie Guerra 8 years ago
Well if that's the meal you will offer to your wife I totally understand why she'll fight :)
boredhuman 8 years ago
not just your wife. my autism strikes again. this is just to hard to handle
Wyndmere 8 years ago
Who cares, the dog can't read. Just put one of those arrows that points both directions in between the bowl, and you'll both be happy.
#44
Marry Your Best Friend
Allana Rose 8 years ago
Hide and go seek! Still playing kid games when u r married? I think this marriage will last!
#45
My Wife's New Hand Towel
#46
I'm A Super Nervous Flyer. My Wife Just Took This Pic Of Me At The Airport Restaurant, About To Board The Plane A Part Of Our Honeymoon
Anthony Smillie 8 years ago
More south africans here than i expected, this was cool to see! Picking my wife up at the airport in 5 hours, ironically enough.
Caroline Gagne 8 years ago
U drinking the wrong stuff ...i use to work at the airport ...2shot seem to fix that problem 🤘
#47
Asked My Husband To (Hand) Whip Some Heavy Cream. Hear Strange Noises And Walk In On This
Jenna Bois 8 years ago
My grandfather used to whip mashed potatoes like this. My parents said they were the smoothest ones they've ever had.
John L 8 years ago
He's trying to show you how much he appreciates the drill you got him for his birthday. 032-594281...59be29.gif 
Alida Saxon 8 years ago
That's actually kind of brilliant if the mixer ever breaks down, haha.
Kerri Russ 8 years ago
That's a man doing it right. I've seen other very nifty, unique, and useful attachments for drills... just takes imagination. ;-)
#48
My Wife Wanted To Make Sure That Someone Took A Picture Of The Expression On Our Faces When Our Daughter Was Born Today. So I Took One
Jeremie Guerra 8 years ago
I can affirme that this couple have nothing related to Huichol Indians :D
Cherie 8 years ago
I was just about to comment that this needs to see that picture...
Load More Replies... Janet Davis 8 years ago
He wouldn't have teeth after I was done with him for taking AND posting a pic like this...is nothing private to pple anymore?
#49
I Have My Reasons For Making My Wife Use Her Own Tube
Allana Rose 8 years ago
I do the same thing too. I hate it when my BF scrunches up the dang toothpaste tube!
#50
Was Wondering Why My Wife Was Giggling When She Asked Me To Change The Air Filters
#51
My Husband Always Leaves Me Notes When He Has To Leave Town For Work
#52
My Husband Attempted To Help With The Laundry. I Don't Buy Pink Towels Because I Don't Like Pink
John L 8 years ago
Obviously you are not properly training your hubby correctly. You have several options open............................................ medium-smi...d0c063.gif 
M O'Connell 8 years ago
I did this intentionally once. My GF badly wanted pink Converse All-Stars, which are no longer available (tasteful pink, as opposed to hot-pink). She was bent out of shape about it, so I washed her white ones with a half-dozen red shop rags. They came out a lovely light-pink.
Maureen Rouse 8 years ago
That is what happens when your hubby is a mechanic......sometimes those red shop towels just hide anywhere they can. They can be very sneaky!
#53
Because This
ADHORTATOR 8 years ago
why should cats love inflatable unicorn horns...but you bought it, another triumph of capitalism!
#54
My Husband Bet Me I Couldn't Shave His Foot Without Him Waking Up. This Is What He Woke Up To This Morning
Flora Polvado 8 years ago
Troll feet! I love dem troll feet! My son-in-law has troll feet with toe dimples! They are so cute!
Lazy Panda 8 years ago
lol that is seriously impressive! How did he not mess up those nails in his sleep!?
#55
Wife And I Had A Big Fight Last Week - On Valentine's Day She Gave Me This Along With My Gift
John L 8 years ago
This is a "Keeper". Just don't flash it around in front of her, especially with family members present. Seriously! :O
Tiny Dynamine 8 years ago
Holy s**t! This is the only time in history that a woman has apologised to a man! :D
#56
My Wife Asked For A Coach Bag For Her Birthday. Let's Just Say She's Pretty Happy Today
#57
My Wife And I "Share" A Cabinet In The Bathroom
#58
Bedroom Is Really Sunny In The Morning. Found Husband Sleeping Like This
Hamlets twin 8 years ago
Hey the Power Puff Girls are hardcore! PPG-Bubble...5b1047.jpg 
Kerri Russ 8 years ago
Powerpuff Girls!!! And the pink blanket along with the bra... are you sure he's not a lesbian??
#59
Clear Communication Is The Key To A Successful Marriage
Crystal Pruitt 8 years ago
Maybe he was out drinking and the ibuprofen is to help with the ensuing hangover?
Load More Replies... #60
My Wife Bought A New Hairbrush With A Suction Cup At The End. I Found This On The Bathroom Mirror. I Love My Wife
John L 8 years ago
Is this a hint for a special sex toy to be added to the game? 029-594287...3e08ca.gif 
#61
I Asked My Husband To Clean Our Room. This Triggered His Inner 5 Year Old And He Fell Asleep
#62
Wife Left A Note In My Lunch
Jim Sterrett 8 years ago
except theres a scale of pain. cant remember what it was called, but getting kicked in the nuts hurts worse than childbirth, apparently
lazy panda 8 years ago
You men are also the ones who b***h and moan like none other when you have a cold so can we really trust your pain tolerance in the first place?
Load More Replies... 
darknessIsMyOutfit 8 years ago
No you clearly can't grasp the fact she's happy 100% and tired and busy.... You need help
Load More Replies... #63
Picking A Fight With My Wife
John L 8 years ago
I believe you are what is known as an "A*****e"! Congratulations A*****e. rolleye001...19c3fd.gif 
therealpixie 8 years ago
I hope she makes you wait a long time before she bakes you another cake!
Helping Panda 8 years ago
With a knife and tongs? Although I wonder why the top of the cut out square is all cracked up. It's possible that it came from another batch and this is just a fake meant to rile up people.
Load More Replies...
Lucia Verdugo 8 years ago
LOVE the Little Mermaid plate! But seriously, this would irritate the f*#k outta me!!
#64
I Was Complaining About My Recent Cold So My Wife Made Me A Cake To Help Me "Feel Better"
John L 8 years ago
Wait one Minute! ALL Men are babies when they are sick. This is your opportunity to get "one up" on him on a continual basis. Obviously you are a newlywed, right? aww-594283...e08747.gif 
#65
Wife Is Out, Packing My Own Lunch This Week
#66
I Might Have To Kill My Husband
Blue Cicada 8 years ago
Don't jeopardize your freedom. Call first dibs on all food. For the rest of your life.
Flora Polvado 8 years ago
Wait! Wait! Make sure your insurance is up to date and you know how to get rid of the body first!
#67
I Couldn't Find My Wife Until I Looked In Her Closet. I Said, "What Are You Doing?" She Says, "I Have Nothing To Wear"
Blue Cicada 8 years ago
1) Remove all clothing. 2) Rehang regularly used items. 3) Store seasonal/special occasion. 4) Donate the rest--you'll make someone's day.
John L 8 years ago
There are two types of women in this world. The ones who never have enough to wear, and the ones who have a 'system' for dressing. Obviously the former greatly outnumbers the later. Always take your time and search for the Later category, and you will have a happier life AND a less cluttered closet. spiteful-5...c0585e.gif 
Laura V 8 years ago
Actually, clothing manufacturers have put women in this state. The system is designed to have us buy more and more, not quality items. They want you to have a million things, but nothing can be worn together. And if you're "plus sized" it's even harder! Judge away, John L, but consider yourself lucky to be a man. Men have worn shirts with pants for centuries, and it's easy for you.
Load More Replies... 
#68
Sent My Husband To The Store For Milk And Kitty Litter. He Came Back With This. He's Now Back At The Store For The Milk And Litter
#69
Tried To Put A Heart In My Husband's Pancake. Made A Ballsack Instead
#70
Husband Told Me To Make Sure The Wine Didn't Break In The Back Of The Car On Vacation. Don't Judge Me
Allana Rose 8 years ago
This is what we around my area would refer to as "The redneck wine rack"
Ben Lavalleur 8 years ago
It works perfectly because if they do happen to break the diapers will absorb the wine.
#71
Thanks To Our Toaster Oven We Now Have Matching Husband And Wife Scars For Life
Cherie 8 years ago
Same here, only I did it pulling my birthday pizza out. Terrible gift to get.
Load More Replies...
#72
After 20 Years Of Marriage, And My Mother Asking Every Morning How My Father Takes His Tea, He's Finally Had It
person (i think) 8 years ago
If you dont remember something like that after just a short while, i think it is deliberate!
#73
Left This Note For My Wife
Lisa-Marie Dhondt 8 years ago
......as he looks down, he realises the blood...is his! As his wife turns on her heel, eating her choc chip cookies and carrying his liver.
Jennifer Oldham 8 years ago
Thanks for the laugh I received because of this comment. 😂
Load More Replies... Long Joan Silver 8 years ago
This should be on the period jokes post that was put up the other day. This is great!
#74
Told My Husband Not To Eat The Ice Cream In The Freezer. Then I Saw This Shadow Form In The Kitchen
Jeremie Guerra 8 years ago
Well, he didn't eat the icecream in the freezer but in the kitchen, what's wrong? :D
Jim Sterrett 8 years ago
what? he followed instructions. hes not in the freezer, hes in the kitchen
#75
Prefect Description
Seb Cebien 8 years ago
It means "Insufficient tire pressure" or "Under-inflated tire" in a Volkswagen model
Rashleigh Eavis 8 years ago
been driving for years, didnt know this... mostly due to only driving old timers...
Allana Rose 8 years ago
She is right, it does look like that and I dont know what it really means either *L*
Blue Cicada 8 years ago
It's a "new" emblem (fewer than 10 yrs old?) But I'm w you, O'C. I always check the manual before asking someone else.
Load More Replies...
#76
My Wife Wanted Her Sandwich Cut In Half. She Was Non-Specific As To How
#77
My Wife Made Me A Passive Aggressive Flow Chart To Use Every Time I Get Hungry
Helping Panda 8 years ago
This isn't very well thought out. Even if we ignore the obvious problem that this can only end in "don't eat", why does it matter how many pots and pans he uses if he cleans up after himself?
John L 8 years ago
She needs to have this professionally done, and pasted on the door to the fridge, where it cannot be missed. doh-59428b...30efd5.gif 
Jim Sterrett 8 years ago
or his wife could, i dont know, be a spouse and not make him do everything himself. my gf will cook every meal for me. but since i want to live, she is relegated to just washing the dishes
#78
My Wife Hates Rollercosters. After I Pitched A Fit About It, She Finally Picked One She Would Ride With Me
Barbara Meyer 8 years ago
I hate them too. Tried one just to see if I still hated them. Hated it worse.
Allana Rose 8 years ago
I love the look of pure terror on her face, while he is so clearly enjoying her suffering!
#79
My Husband Told Me That He Bought Me A Diamond Necklace
Victoria Pietsch 8 years ago
I'd rather have that necklace. It's cheaper, creative, and funny.
#80
My Husband And I Have Two Small Children And Just Came To The Realization That We Don't Own Any Shot Glasses
Long Joan Silver 8 years ago
Police officer (if you get pulled over): "Have you had anything to drink tonight?" Person: "yes, just over 20 mls of Tequila"
#81
My Wife Awards 'Cat Of The Month' In Our House. But We Have Only One Cat
#82
Sent My Husband To Buy A Baby Shower Gift Bag. Dammit
#83
My Husband Added A Task To My Prethanksgiving Checklist
#84
My Wife And I Visit IKEA Again And I Try To Figure Out Why
#85
When Chipotle Mails Free Burrito Coupons, My Husband And I Shamelessly Check The Mailbox Recycling Around Our Apartment For Discards. Today's Search Went Pretty Well
#86
Called My Wife A Sandwich Maker
#87
After 60 Years Of Marriage, My Grandparents' Minds Have Melded. Either My Grandparents Both Scrambled To Buy The Only Valentine's Day Cards Cvs Still Had In Stock Today Or They Just Really Are Meant To Be Together
Ann Abdelzaher 8 years ago
LOL my husband and I have only been married 18 years and we have done this several times. and every year we buy each other a bear at Valentine's day... we have several sets of "twins" from various years :) I shop early so I always hide the bear I buy just to see what he buys!
Eloise Withers-Kilburn 8 years ago
Hubby & I were doing this at the four year mark & we do it every couple of years with actual gifts too.
#88
I'm 3 Months Pregnant With Our First Child, And Today My Husband Bought This Book 'to Get Some Tips'
John L 8 years ago
Why didn't they have this when I was growing up, so I could get it for my Mother? OhWell-594...5ccd06.gif 
#89
Wife Said She Packed A "Special Treat" In My Lunch Today
#90
They Tied The Knot. Literally
#91
Learning How To Crochet, Husband Is Now Kept Warm
#92
My Wife Thinks I'm Stupid Too
Leni 8 years ago
Yeah what is this? Is that joke about you all sharing one brain true or something? :p
Load More Replies... Helping Panda 8 years ago
Hard to imagine that the wife would do this unprovoked... You must have done something to deserve this!
#93
My Brother And His Wife Got In A Fight Last Night. She Apparently Used His Phone As A Ninja Star
person (i think) 8 years ago
um... that is really not good. She might want to consider an anger management course
Janet Davis 8 years ago
You haven't looked at the cost of housing lately mate...
Load More Replies...
#94
Wife Sent Me To Get Milk
#95
My Wife Bought Me Monogram Pajamas For Xmas
#96
After Almost 6 Years Of Marriage, This Is My Favorite Way To Give My Wife A Hard Time
Kip The Otter 6 years ago
No he is baking a pizza, that is far more important
Load More Replies... 
Barbara Meyer 8 years ago
Wouldn't work with me. I'd wait till he was asleep., then slam them all.
Long Joan Silver 8 years ago
I can just picture you waking him up by slamming all of those shut
Load More Replies... #97
Well, My Marriage Was Nice While It Lasted
Helping Panda 8 years ago
Does it really help? It doesn't look all that different to me...
Load More Replies...
Flora Polvado 8 years ago
Seriously? There's a "correct" way to hang t.p? Shoot, we just set it on the side of the tub or sink. Yes. Yes, we are barbarians!
therealpixie 8 years ago
The patent application shows it hung with the sheet coming off the front. In my opinion, the deciding factor is whether or not you have pets or small children. In that case, roll from behind so they can't roll it all off onto the floor
Cherie 8 years ago
This is the first sensible reason I've heard for doing it. Kudos.
Load More Replies...
Patrick Bateman 8 years ago
Blasphemy! Toilet paper should always be hung over top. Are we living in anarchy people?!
Wyndmere 8 years ago
Get a cat or a two year old that likes to unroll it and see what you think then
Load More Replies... 
#98
I Asked My Husband To Put Away The Leftovers
John L 8 years ago
He still has an awful lot to learn, but at least he is trying. With a little more help, he will turn out to be a real winner. cheesywink...fcb784.gif 
John Polyak 8 years ago
He could have angled the clothespins so it would not take up so much space.
#99
Anyone Know A Good Divorce Lawyer? I Just Saw My Wife Eat A Kitkat
Morgan Dalglish 8 years ago
No its not! You know what! My LITTLE sister eats hearshys that are like that!
Load More Replies... 
Long Joan Silver 8 years ago
The person with OCD within me, is looking at this and thinking, "I cannot deal with such nonsense"
#100
Today Is The 6 Wk "Point" After My C-Section... Here's How My Husband Brought Me Breakfast This Morning
Brandi Dickerson 8 years ago
Makes me wonder if she sent it back with the sausage cut in half...Because that's what I would have done if that had been done to me... :-)
Jim Sterrett 8 years ago
because you didnt WANT to have sex with him or have children?
Load More Replies... Blue Cicada 8 years ago
He's absolutely correct! You need to keep up your protein intake as you recover from the triumph of pregnancy.
John L 8 years ago
That's obviously a Very subtle hint for you to seriously consider. love0055-5...c20e60.gif 
Janet Davis 8 years ago
My husband did something similar the morning of my 6 week check up...I attacked it with a hammer...broke the plate & all.
#101
Someone... Please
#102
This Was The Card I Got My Husband For Our Anniversary. What Can I Say? I'm Sentimental
#103
My Husband Cleaned The Kitchen. I Think He Wants A Reward
#104
Asked My Wife To Get More Magnets For The Fridge With No Restrictions On What Kind
#105
He Was Trying To Argue With Me In The Car So I Whipped In This Spot And Said I Have Something To Tell You (I’m Not Actually But It Shut Him Up Quick)
Final score:
46points
Jim Sterrett 8 years ago
if youre willing to tell him your pregnant just to get the last word or win the argument, you deserve to be single and unloved for the rest of your life
lazy panda 8 years ago
OH MY GOD! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? Does no one have a sense of humor anymore? Or has everyone just turned into a bunch of soft little bitches who can't handle a joke once in a while?
Load More Replies... #106
My Husband Travels For Work. He Gave Me This So I Am Never Really Alone
#107
My Husband And I Have Different Ideas Of What Love Is
#108
My Husband Was “Too Tired” To Change The Babies Pooped Diaper While I Pumped… I Sent Him This Photo, He Didn’t See It Until The Morning. Diaper Was There For About 1 Hour
Final score:
42points
Helping Panda 8 years ago
So you just proved that he was really tired and you are an a*****e. Congrats, I guess...?
#109
What Happens When I Send My Husband To The Store And There's An Ice Cream Sale
Blue Cicada 8 years ago
1) that's the good stuff, so u gotta buy it when the $ is right. 2) the storage method needs much improvement.
#110
Saw This On My Friend's Facebook With The Title, "When Your Husband Puts The Groceries Away..."
#111
The Wife Said I Could Do Whatever I Wanted To The Guest Bathroom
#112
After 22 Years Of Marriage This Is How We Communicate With Each Other
#113
So My Wife Is Going Away For A Few Months. This Is How She Left Our Bed This Morning
#115
First My Wife Said The Walls Were Too Bare, And Now They Are Too Bear
Flora Polvado 8 years ago
I'm not opposed to hunting so long as most of the animal is used. Does anyone eat bear?
Load More Replies...
Long Joan Silver 8 years ago
Looks like a Bear costume, pinned on the wall. At least I hope it's just a costume.
#116
My Southern Husband Objects To The Soda I Bought
#117
My Wife Hates Greek Yogurt
Brandi Dickerson 8 years ago
That's grounds for divorce...You cannot hide the cookie dough and still expect to get nookie.
#118
There Comes A Time In A Married Man’s Life Where He Has To Ask Himself The Question: Do I Get My Wife The Exact Halloween Costume She Asked For Or The Slutty Version And Deal With The Consequences?
Everything AGR 6 years ago
The real question: Why would you want to dress up as LUIGI?? (Perhaps it’s just the lack of context that’s confusing me)
person (i think) 8 years ago
No way man! As a girl, I find it extremely obnoxious that that is 95% of non-self-made costumes. I want to just have fun dressing up. I dont give a s**t if someone else thinks I'm sexy or not; I'm out there for me, not them.
Load More Replies... #119
My Husband And I Just Pissed Off Both Of Our Families
#120
Marriage Means Creative Ways Of Saying "Stop Doing That"
#121
My Wife Asked Me If I Wanted Half Her Twix. She Thinks This Is A Game
#122
Asked My Husband To Do Laundry
Blue Cicada 8 years ago
Yeah, but even when I follow the directions, my version never looks like the demonstration.
Load More Replies... Hamlets twin 8 years ago
Its annoying but these are totally fold-able! Look for the "top" corner that would be made once its on the bed. Then just stretch and fold.
#123
I Asked My Husband To Take A Photo Of Me Using The Jackhammer. After 14 Years Of Marriage He Still Has His Priorities
#124
Couldn't Afford To Get My Wife A Lexus For Christmas So I Got One Of Their Bows Instead And Put It On Her Car
Nickie LaRue 8 years ago
Who the hell actually expects cars as a gift? That is a major purchase, and should involve both of you.
#125
I Asked My Husband To Iron My Pants And He Gave Me The 1980's Creases
M O'Connell 8 years ago
But It is a uniform. Tell him to check the handbook for where the creases are supposed to go in your shirt.
Jennifer Oldham 8 years ago
Actually these creases are made to make your legs look longer... my fiancé is 6'2" and I'm 5'4" and we have the same inseam (he's alllll torso) so I do this so he'll look like he's got longer legs. 😉
#126
My Friends Husband Thought He Could Microwave His Shirt To Dry It Faster
#127
The Note My Husband Left Me That I Woke Up To
Kieron Behan 8 years ago
And that was the day she lost her job for going to work without clothes.
CharliAnn Olney 2 years ago
Nope, nope, NOPE! NOT opening closet! Will go to Nordstrom in pajamas for new clothes!
#128
My Wife Was Not Impressed With Her Birthday Gift
#129
Why I Keep A Secret Tube Of Toothpaste From My Wife And Children
Dhanya Munro 8 years ago
There is one more guy here who suffers exactly like you. He hides his toothpaste too!
#130
My Wife's Jenga Submission
#131
My Wife Says I Don't Understand Breakfast In Bed
therealpixie 8 years ago
God, that looks good! You could fix me breakfast in bed like that, and I'd wake up smiling.
#132
Came Downstairs And My Wife Gives Me These This Morning. Uh... Thanks Honey
John L 8 years ago
This is the perfect gift, especially for the fellow who slices off-center portions from the middle of the cake, like that A*****e above. banghead-5...961d13.gif 
#133
So My Friend Asked Her Husband To Wrap At Least One Shirt, This Is What She Got
#134
Husband Did The Laundry
#135
Wife Asked Me To Pressure Wash And Get A Welcome Mat. Nailed It
#136
How You Can Tell My Wife Is Working Tonight
Andrea Seiden Giroux 8 years ago
my husband also buys himself dinosaur chicken nuggets and taquitos. lol
mewmew34 8 years ago
Hell, I buy myself dinosaur nuggets. Way better than the regular stuff.
Load More Replies... #137
Wife Is Leaving For A Week. Pretty Much Confirming She Thinks I Have Alzheimer's
E Menendez 8 years ago
This is really thoughtful. Particularly if she normally does all the food prep.
#138
Wife And Teen Daughters Said Vacuum Wasn't Working, Checked Roller Brush
JillVille Child Care 8 years ago
Oh man this is the worst! My kids would never check under there either and I was always the one to save the poor vac!
John Ashley 8 years ago
Do you have a cat or dog? If not, tell the females in your home to brush their hair over a trash can.
#139
Guess I'm Still Getting Used To This Whole Marriage Thing
Leni 8 years ago
Cause men dont put their bare butts on a freezing cold bare toilet and nearly fall in if they miss that the seat is down.
Load More Replies...
Katrina Leitkowski 7 years ago
Other than cold wet butt, I have cats who love to play in the toilet; seat and lid stay closed.
Blue Cicada 8 years ago
If he leaves seat up & u keep the light off to not wake him at night, your hiney will fit in the bowl & your feet won't touch the floor.
Kira Leseman 8 years ago
My husband almost never puts the seat down and it has never bothered me. 14 1/2 years and I've never had a "falling in toilet" accident, I just know that I'm putting the seat down every time I enter the bathroom after him.
Leni 8 years ago
Its just habit of course. My husband just sits down. Much less chance of messes too.
Load More Replies... #140
As A Husband, I Decided To Make The Bed Properly
#141
In 5 Years Of The Relationship She Has Never Asked Me To Hold Her Purse. Within One Hour Of Picking Up The Marriage License
#142
Wife Wanted To Be "That House", I Say She Went Overboard
Katarina Kay 6 years ago
The good thing about being “that house” is that you can give half to the trick-or-treaters, and eat the other half!
#143
Marriage Is About Compromise
Jennifer Oldham 8 years ago
I'm with him - rather be gaming. Of course I'm assuming he's gaming and she's Netflixing.
#144
My Husband Is A Jerk... Yes Every Cookie Has A Bite Mark In It
Neurotic_Octopus 8 years ago
I've done this to family members. My mom just sighs and looks at me while I giggle. :p
Janet Davis 8 years ago
That type of bullish!t will get you stabbed in my house.
Load More Replies... #145
Found Stacked Like This In The Garage To Be Sold/Donated. Married 12 Years With A 6 & 7 Year Old. Starting From The Bottom... The Stages Of Marriage
#146
Wife Said "Lets Renovate The Bathroom, We Both Need More Shelf Space."
#148
After 3 Years Of Marriage, The Fight Rages On
#150
Instructions To Husband
John L 8 years ago
Either she's obsessive beyond belief, or you are a True Dunce. spiteful-5...56dba3.gif 
#151
My Husband Told Me There Was An Early Xmas Present Under The Tree. This Is Pretty Perfect
Lilly Pomar 8 years ago
Insult my pet-instant divorce... so I married a guy who calls them our pets and is as happy to have them as I am.
#152
Coz It Would Have Been Like Climbing Everest To Go The Last Few Inches... Can You Cite Lazy As A Reason For Divorce?
#153
My Wife Called To Say She Picked Up 50 Shades Of Grey... This Was Not What I Was Expecting When I Got Home
#154
I Love To See That After Nearly 25 Years Of Marriage, My Father Still Knows How To Troll My Mother
#155
Placed My Husband’s Heavy Shoe On A Cockroach For Him To Find
Final score:
21points
John Ashley 8 years ago
Did you check under the shoe before leaving that note? There's probably not a body under it. Cockroaches can take a pounding and thumb their noses at you.
#156
At Least He Tried
Jennifer Oldham 8 years ago
Anybody else wondering about the little door? I've never seed this - must be some kind of furnance access or something?
#157
My Husband Is Out Of Town For A Few Days... He Sent Me This Today. I Think He Misses Me
#158
Is This A Shower Bench Or A Shampoo Table? Our Marriage Depends On This
Jennifer Horn 8 years ago
It's a bench but who sits down in the shower? Put your shampoo on it and your foot when you shave your legs.
John Ashley 8 years ago
There is no such thing as (never has been and never should be) a shampoo table.
#159
After 14 Years Of Marriage This Is The Sexy Pic I Sent My Husband
#160
My Friend Made This For Her Husband
#161
A Mate Posted This To Facebook, Saying "The Secret To A Happy Marriage Is Knowing How To Compromise"
#162
The Secret To A Successful Marriage (30+ Years) With A Shared Bathroom
Dorka 8 years ago
Two toothpaste! We have the same. One for my careless fiance and one for me, which is perfectly folded. =)
Load More Replies... #163
My Husband Is A Monster
Hamlets twin 8 years ago
Plus it looks like he enjoys eating out the middle...
Load More Replies... #164
Out Of All The Advice Of Marriage, Nothing Prepared Me For This
Hamlets twin 8 years ago
Well she did just lose a fight with the vacuum...
Load More Replies... #165
My Husband Smilingly Asked “Why Are There Vegetables In The “Beer Crisper”? So I Did This
Final score:
17points
#166
Great Dad! Awful Husband
Enea 8 years ago
Sure, putting the girl's mother down in a note from 'Santa' makes for a wonderful dad...
Nathanial Evans 7 years ago
I think if the child got upset the parents would have explained santa was only trying to be cheeky not hurtful
Load More Replies... #167
Keeping Marriage Fresh
Meghan Bowser 8 years ago
Same-sex marriage is now legal in more than 20 countries and hopefully the number will keep rising until comments like this are obsolete.
Load More Replies...
#168
I Asked My Husband To Make A Grocery List... This Was On The Fridge This Morning
Amanda 8 years ago
Just clarifying, I'm expressing my dislike for asparagus and making an ironic joke.
Load More Replies... rai mei 8 years ago
not sure if the one who made the list is really the husband.. no idea what esperagus are...
Jim Sterrett 8 years ago
if youre from the US, bad jokes are bad. if not, "pot pies" are a thing here.
Load More Replies... Add New Image
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
John L 8 years ago
This has got to be one of my favorite Posts in an awful long time. Its the perfect chance to have a good time and comment on life's many lessons learned. Thank you Šarūnė. Thanks-594...c6718b.gif 
Valentina 8 years ago
Truly nice of you to think about thanking the post author. Should happen more often. Thank you Šarūnė!
Load More Replies...
Sandra MacDonald 8 years ago
They don't have a tiled floor, and she asked him to clean half the floor...So he cleaned a few squares here and there, making some square parts clean and white and giving the illusion of having a tiled floor made up of different colors.
Load More Replies... Caroline Gagne 8 years ago
Dont need to get marry ro have all this 😍 we got it for 10 awesome year ...
John L 8 years ago
This has got to be one of my favorite Posts in an awful long time. Its the perfect chance to have a good time and comment on life's many lessons learned. Thank you Šarūnė. Thanks-594...c6718b.gif
Valentina 8 years ago
Truly nice of you to think about thanking the post author. Should happen more often. Thank you Šarūnė!
Load More Replies... Sandra MacDonald 8 years ago
They don't have a tiled floor, and she asked him to clean half the floor...So he cleaned a few squares here and there, making some square parts clean and white and giving the illusion of having a tiled floor made up of different colors.
Load More Replies... Caroline Gagne 8 years ago
Dont need to get marry ro have all this 😍 we got it for 10 awesome year ...
You May Like 50 Jokes About Being Married That Are Funny Even If You're Not "Perfectly Timed Photos": 50 Times People Snapped Photographs Just At The Right Moment “Dangerously Close To The Creek”: 70 Interesting And Funny Photos Taken At Just The Right Time
Aivaras Kaziukonis
Jonas Žvilius
Eglė Bliabaitė
Related on Bored Panda
