Finding the right person to spend the rest of your life with isn't about finding somebody who's perfect. It's about finding somebody who's perfect for you. Because as you can see from this hilarious list of marriage tweets compiled by Bored Panda, it's important for a healthy relationship to have a husband or wife who can handle all of your weird, annoying, and a downright unbearable sense of humor!

From the woman whose husband neglected gardening duties to buy the cat an inflatable unicorn horn, and hilarious marriage advice to the man whose wife forced him to go to IKEA despite the fact that they didn't need to buy anything, the collection of marriage jokes below is sure to make married life seem awesome. Don't forget to vote for the best pranks and funniest situations!

#1

My Wife Didn't Appreciate My Fridge Magnet Poem

My Wife Didn't Appreciate My Fridge Magnet Poem

FaisalSharif Report

Diksha Deshpande
Community Member
3 years ago

No matter how many sets of those I buy, I can never make a legible sentence...

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#2

Asked My Wife Where My Eye Drops Were. She Responded "In The Bedroom On The Tv Stand Under The Lightswitch Slightly Trapped Between The Wall"

Asked My Wife Where My Eye Drops Were. She Responded "In The Bedroom On The Tv Stand Under The Lightswitch Slightly Trapped Between The Wall"

mrbojingles1972 Report

criminalgirl
Community Member
3 years ago

We know EVERYTHING.

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#3

For The Past Two Years, Anything Sitting In Our Garage That The Wife Says We Can't Get Rid Of, I've Hung As "Art" In Our Otherwise Useless Front Room

For The Past Two Years, Anything Sitting In Our Garage That The Wife Says We Can't Get Rid Of, I've Hung As "Art" In Our Otherwise Useless Front Room

michaelsiemsen Report

Valentina
Community Member
3 years ago

you Sir, will enjoy a long and happy marriage...

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#4

My Husband Sure Knows How To Make A Pregnant, Bloated Girl Feel Special On Her Birthday

My Husband Sure Knows How To Make A Pregnant, Bloated Girl Feel Special On Her Birthday

cassieko Report

ADHORTATOR
Community Member
3 years ago

he is a keeper :-)

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#5

My Hubbys Reaction When He Tasted That I Added Whiskey To His Coffee

My Hubbys Reaction When He Tasted That I Added Whiskey To His Coffee

dina_mrs_k Report

Pi...
Community Member
3 years ago

Lol! That smile!

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#6

Wife And I Spend An Hour Trying To Get The Cat To Turn Off The Lights, So We Didn't Have To Get Out Of Bed

Wife And I Spend An Hour Trying To Get The Cat To Turn Off The Lights, So We Didn't Have To Get Out Of Bed

ThunderKrunk Report

Bunnies are better!!
Community Member
3 years ago

Lol, you're never gonna get anything done if you do that

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#7

Told The Wife The Floor Was Gross And Needed Cleaning. Told Her I Was Willing To Do It. She Said We Don't Need To. Clean Half She Said And Let's See The Difference... Mission Accomplished. (We Don't Have Tiled Floors)

Told The Wife The Floor Was Gross And Needed Cleaning. Told Her I Was Willing To Do It. She Said We Don't Need To. Clean Half She Said And Let's See The Difference... Mission Accomplished. (We Don't Have Tiled Floors)

ordin22 Report

Pi...
Community Member
3 years ago

But now I have a cool design

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#8

My Wife Has Been Trying Anything To Remind Me To Bring My Lunch To Work

My Wife Has Been Trying Anything To Remind Me To Bring My Lunch To Work

bsegovia Report

Jeremie Guerra
Community Member
3 years ago

What's on the other post'it? :)

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#9

Marriage Is All About Compromise. For Example, I Didn't Really Want A Dog. My Wife Did. So We Compromised... And Here Is Our New Puppy Copper

Marriage Is All About Compromise. For Example, I Didn't Really Want A Dog. My Wife Did. So We Compromised... And Here Is Our New Puppy Copper

slommyg21 Report

Pi...
Community Member
3 years ago

Your wife is right. Just listen to her. Look how adorable he is!

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#10

I Wore This Custom Shirt During My Wife's Labor. Wife Was Not Amused

I Wore This Custom Shirt During My Wife's Labor. Wife Was Not Amused

robin60062 Report

Hans
Community Member
3 years ago

She indeed does not look amused. Rightly, I guess.

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#11

After Working An 18 Hour Day, I Came Home To Find This Note Left By My Wife In The Bathroom

After Working An 18 Hour Day, I Came Home To Find This Note Left By My Wife In The Bathroom

Jacksoffwithhotsauce Report

Bunnies are better!!
Community Member
3 years ago

Aw! How sweet that she thought of you!

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#12

Whenever We Get Into A Heated Argument, My Wife Stops Mid Argument To Take A Selfie With Me, I'm Never Amused

Whenever We Get Into A Heated Argument, My Wife Stops Mid Argument To Take A Selfie With Me, I'm Never Amused

hmmunoz Report

Jose Ramon
Community Member
3 years ago

Genius!

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#13

What I Love About My Parents Is That After 41 Years Of Marriage, They Still Know How To Embarrass Their Kids

What I Love About My Parents Is That After 41 Years Of Marriage, They Still Know How To Embarrass Their Kids

spikeypeach Report

Alessia Facchin
Community Member
3 years ago

they are great...love them

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#14

My Pregnant Wife Sent This To Me At 2:12am This Morning. I'm Going To Guess That My Snoring Was Quite Bad Last Night

My Pregnant Wife Sent This To Me At 2:12am This Morning. I'm Going To Guess That My Snoring Was Quite Bad Last Night

batgaz Report

Jeremie Guerra
Community Member
3 years ago

So..I assume Huichol Indians women only had one pregnancy...(with the same companion )^^

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#15

When You Ask Your Husband To Pack Your Lunch

When You Ask Your Husband To Pack Your Lunch

RemorsefulArsonist Report

coffee zombie
Community Member
3 years ago

He was nice to put money for buying real food

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#16

I Needed To Borrow My Wife's Phone... She Said Her Password Was Our Anniversary. I Gave The Phone Back And Said I Didn't Know What Happened

I Needed To Borrow My Wife's Phone... She Said Her Password Was Our Anniversary. I Gave The Phone Back And Said I Didn't Know What Happened

StarskyAndHutch Report

Momogi
Community Member
3 years ago

If I were you, I'd sit in the corner in silent.

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#17

We Were Looking Through Old Pictures Of Me When My Wife Started Laughing And Got The Dog's Flea Pills From The Cupboard

We Were Looking Through Old Pictures Of Me When My Wife Started Laughing And Got The Dog's Flea Pills From The Cupboard

phelyan Report

Pi...
Community Member
3 years ago

Bwaahaha! Gorsh! Laughed way too hard at this

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#18

My Wife And I Accidentally Got Each Other The Same Gift For Our Second Anniversary

My Wife And I Accidentally Got Each Other The Same Gift For Our Second Anniversary

myworkaccountatwork Report

GoldenAngels
Community Member
3 years ago

You can tell who got which

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#19

Marriage Milestone

Marriage Milestone

XplodingUnicorn Report

John L
Community Member
3 years ago

Haven't established just who's in charge, eh? You're never going to win, so you 'd better get used to it. touche-594...855bdd.gif touche-594273f855bdd.gif

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#20

My Wife Said I Could Decorate The Guest Bathroom As My Own. Multiple Screams Have Ensued

My Wife Said I Could Decorate The Guest Bathroom As My Own. Multiple Screams Have Ensued

ChefCthulhu Report

John L
Community Member
3 years ago

No more Hitchcock for you, from now on. ;D

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#21

My Wife Includes Little Notes In My Lunch When She Packs It. I've Been Saving Them In My Desk

My Wife Includes Little Notes In My Lunch When She Packs It. I've Been Saving Them In My Desk

Katoptrizo Report

John L
Community Member
3 years ago

Wow, I think I'm in Love! :D

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#22

Married For 62 Years, But My Grandpa Will Still Pull Out His Road Atlas To Prove My Grandma Wrong

Married For 62 Years, But My Grandpa Will Still Pull Out His Road Atlas To Prove My Grandma Wrong

Upstream15 Report

John L
Community Member
3 years ago

If that's all you two argue about, no wonder you lasted that long together. :D

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#23

My Wife And I Do Not Lead A Very Exciting Life

My Wife And I Do Not Lead A Very Exciting Life

xxNixonxx Report

Jhoa
Community Member
3 years ago

That-s actually prett useful.

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#24

Caught My Husband Red Handed... Thought He Was Working Out

Caught My Husband Red Handed... Thought He Was Working Out

GorJess229 Report

Bunnies are better!!
Community Member
3 years ago

Aw, you're never too old

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#25

Year No. 4 At My Wife's Family Reunion

Year No. 4 At My Wife's Family Reunion

switchfootball Report

boredhuman
Community Member
3 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

pssst dude, your are not her only husband...

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#26

Whenever I Asked My Husband What He Wanted For Dinner He Always Answered, "Bacon-Wrapped Shrimp And Asparagus With Hollandaise Sauce" Just To F*ck With Me. Today I Served Him This

Whenever I Asked My Husband What He Wanted For Dinner He Always Answered, "Bacon-Wrapped Shrimp And Asparagus With Hollandaise Sauce" Just To F*ck With Me. Today I Served Him This

lacquerroneous Report

Thomas Kolev
Community Member
3 years ago

Sure looks good though.

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#27

My Wife Said This License Plate Made Her Think Of Me

My Wife Said This License Plate Made Her Think Of Me

betterguesser Report

Tony Cabré
Community Member
3 years ago

Don't get it

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#28

Never Have I Been So Mad At My Wife Before

Never Have I Been So Mad At My Wife Before

skaschmidt Report

Roxy
Community Member
3 years ago

Omg! Tim Tams! They're so good! 😊

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#29

Marriage Is About Sharing (Almost) Everything

Marriage Is About Sharing (Almost) Everything

bizcat Report

John L
Community Member
3 years ago

You forgot the magic word after "Go Away". You still have a lot to learn about partnerships. :O

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#30

Trying To Sent Subtle Hints To My Wife Last Night

Trying To Sent Subtle Hints To My Wife Last Night

MISSINGxLINK Report

Jeremie Guerra
Community Member
3 years ago

Do you see a bear in the middle climbing a rock or is it just me? ^^

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#31

When My Husband Shops Online For Me

When My Husband Shops Online For Me

viaminorviator Report

Naima Ivansdóttir
Community Member
3 years ago

ROFL!!!

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#32

My Husband Is An Asshole

My Husband Is An Asshole

amosfargus Report

Hoparduc Snowpanther
Community Member
3 years ago

heart attack

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#33

I Love Making Cookies With My Wife

I Love Making Cookies With My Wife

n33hai Report

ADHORTATOR
Community Member
3 years ago

Got milk? :-)

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#34

My Husband Didn't Want A Birthday Cake

My Husband Didn't Want A Birthday Cake

Montification Report

Susan Gardner
Community Member
3 years ago

Hilarious. I love a sense of humor

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#35

My Pregnant Wife Demanded I Go To The Store For Frozen Yogurt. I Was Temped To Play A Joke, But Wanted To Live

My Pregnant Wife Demanded I Go To The Store For Frozen Yogurt. I Was Temped To Play A Joke, But Wanted To Live

ThePantser Report

Helping Panda
Community Member
3 years ago

You are a weak, weak man!

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#36

This Is What Happens When My Wife Leaves On A Business Trip And I'm Home Alone. When She's Home Vs. When She's Gone

This Is What Happens When My Wife Leaves On A Business Trip And I'm Home Alone. When She's Home Vs. When She's Gone

Nattyiceforme Report

rai mei
Community Member
3 years ago

doggo's happy :)

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#37

My Husband Challenged Me To See If I Could Fit In My New Suitcase... I Sent Him This Response

My Husband Challenged Me To See If I Could Fit In My New Suitcase... I Sent Him This Response

something_something1 Report

John L
Community Member
3 years ago

Now......let's see if you need to go on a diet Dear! :O

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#38

Marriage Status

Marriage Status

XplodingUnicorn Report

Long Joan Silver
Community Member
3 years ago

Why can I imagine my own mother doing this?

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#39

I Came Home To This Last Night. I Married The Right Woman

I Came Home To This Last Night. I Married The Right Woman

irishike Report

John L
Community Member
3 years ago

At least she's original in her suggestions. :D

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#40

My Wife Hates Comic Book Movies. Thanks Universal

My Wife Hates Comic Book Movies. Thanks Universal

holmw13 Report

criminalgirl
Community Member
3 years ago

Yes but Ryan Reynolds.............

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#41

The "My Wife/Girlfriend Made Me Go To The Mall" Support Group Is Underway

The "My Wife/Girlfriend Made Me Go To The Mall" Support Group Is Underway

8amHangovers Report

Alessia Facchin
Community Member
3 years ago

poor men...

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#42

My Husband Got Tired Of Wine Stains Everywhere So He Got Me A Sippy Wine Cup

My Husband Got Tired Of Wine Stains Everywhere So He Got Me A Sippy Wine Cup

ozfrogs Report

ADHORTATOR
Community Member
3 years ago

that' s nice

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#43

I'm Starting A Fight With My Wife

I'm Starting A Fight With My Wife

ComcastNeedsToDie Report

criminalgirl
Community Member
3 years ago

Troublemaker..

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#44

Marry Your Best Friend

Marry Your Best Friend

fourzerotwo Report

Leoninus Fate
Community Member
3 years ago

Dat Mario in the background tho =o

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#45

My Wife's New Hand Towel

My Wife's New Hand Towel

toremygooch Report

CelSlade
Community Member
3 years ago

I want one! XD

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#46

I'm A Super Nervous Flyer. My Wife Just Took This Pic Of Me At The Airport Restaurant, About To Board The Plane A Part Of Our Honeymoon

I'm A Super Nervous Flyer. My Wife Just Took This Pic Of Me At The Airport Restaurant, About To Board The Plane A Part Of Our Honeymoon

wynstn Report

John L
Community Member
3 years ago

Looks like the sign in the background says it all, right? ;D

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#47

Asked My Husband To (Hand) Whip Some Heavy Cream. Hear Strange Noises And Walk In On This

Asked My Husband To (Hand) Whip Some Heavy Cream. Hear Strange Noises And Walk In On This

Lilaflockensocke Report

Ágnes Királyházi
Community Member
3 years ago

brilliant idea :D

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#48

My Wife Wanted To Make Sure That Someone Took A Picture Of The Expression On Our Faces When Our Daughter Was Born Today. So I Took One

My Wife Wanted To Make Sure That Someone Took A Picture Of The Expression On Our Faces When Our Daughter Was Born Today. So I Took One

gilsolano12 Report

criminalgirl
Community Member
3 years ago

Er...maybe just a little too previous?..

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#49

I Have My Reasons For Making My Wife Use Her Own Tube

I Have My Reasons For Making My Wife Use Her Own Tube

jimmyg4life Report

Bunnies are better!!
Community Member
3 years ago

Ew!!

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#50

Was Wondering Why My Wife Was Giggling When She Asked Me To Change The Air Filters

Was Wondering Why My Wife Was Giggling When She Asked Me To Change The Air Filters

AelyneMB Report

John L
Community Member
3 years ago

That's what is known as a subtle hint. ;D

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#51

My Husband Always Leaves Me Notes When He Has To Leave Town For Work

My Husband Always Leaves Me Notes When He Has To Leave Town For Work

StagKen Report

John L
Community Member
3 years ago

How cute. But he's always farting, isn't he? tongue-594...165086.gif tongue-59427fe165086.gif

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#52

My Husband Attempted To Help With The Laundry. I Don't Buy Pink Towels Because I Don't Like Pink

My Husband Attempted To Help With The Laundry. I Don't Buy Pink Towels Because I Don't Like Pink

Jessie599 Report

criminalgirl
Community Member
3 years ago

Men will do anything it takes to never be asked to do a chore again.

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#53

Because This

Because This

KalvinMacleod Report

ADHORTATOR
Community Member
3 years ago

why should cats love inflatable unicorn horns...but you bought it, another triumph of capitalism!

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#54

My Husband Bet Me I Couldn't Shave His Foot Without Him Waking Up. This Is What He Woke Up To This Morning

My Husband Bet Me I Couldn't Shave His Foot Without Him Waking Up. This Is What He Woke Up To This Morning

Potatoprincessa Report

Flora Polvado
Community Member
3 years ago

Troll feet! I love dem troll feet! My son-in-law has troll feet with toe dimples! They are so cute!

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#55

Wife And I Had A Big Fight Last Week - On Valentine's Day She Gave Me This Along With My Gift

Wife And I Had A Big Fight Last Week - On Valentine's Day She Gave Me This Along With My Gift

elusivemrx Report

Pi...
Community Member
3 years ago

Best gift ever!

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#56

My Wife Asked For A Coach Bag For Her Birthday. Let's Just Say She's Pretty Happy Today

My Wife Asked For A Coach Bag For Her Birthday. Let's Just Say She's Pretty Happy Today

armiesofants Report

Susan Gardner
Community Member
3 years ago

Awwww... adorbs

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#57

My Wife And I "Share" A Cabinet In The Bathroom

My Wife And I "Share" A Cabinet In The Bathroom

jackpot Report

Patrick Bateman
Community Member
3 years ago

Good God!

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#58

Bedroom Is Really Sunny In The Morning. Found Husband Sleeping Like This

Bedroom Is Really Sunny In The Morning. Found Husband Sleeping Like This

Kat211 Report

Pi...
Community Member
3 years ago

Love the pillow!

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#59

Clear Communication Is The Key To A Successful Marriage

Clear Communication Is The Key To A Successful Marriage

Hoofhearted523 Report

John L
Community Member
3 years ago

Obviously she really means business. spiteful-5...ab5d7b.gif spiteful-59427ddab5d7b.gif

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#60

My Wife Bought A New Hairbrush With A Suction Cup At The End. I Found This On The Bathroom Mirror. I Love My Wife

My Wife Bought A New Hairbrush With A Suction Cup At The End. I Found This On The Bathroom Mirror. I Love My Wife

ApologeticKid Report

John L
Community Member
3 years ago

Is this a hint for a special sex toy to be added to the game? 029-594287...3e08ca.gif 029-594287d3e08ca.gif

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#61

I Asked My Husband To Clean Our Room. This Triggered His Inner 5 Year Old And He Fell Asleep

I Asked My Husband To Clean Our Room. This Triggered His Inner 5 Year Old And He Fell Asleep

missespanda Report

BoredBirgit
Community Member
3 years ago

Bwahahahahaaaaa

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#62

Wife Left A Note In My Lunch

Wife Left A Note In My Lunch

xjrider Report

Alessia Facchin
Community Member
3 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

postpartum depression...she needs help

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#63

Picking A Fight With My Wife

Picking A Fight With My Wife

Goodgardo Report

Ágnes Királyházi
Community Member
3 years ago

pure evil :D

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#64

I Was Complaining About My Recent Cold So My Wife Made Me A Cake To Help Me "Feel Better"

I Was Complaining About My Recent Cold So My Wife Made Me A Cake To Help Me "Feel Better"

wherediditype Report

John L
Community Member
3 years ago

Wait one Minute! ALL Men are babies when they are sick. This is your opportunity to get "one up" on him on a continual basis. Obviously you are a newlywed, right? aww-594283...e08747.gif aww-594283ae08747.gif

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#65

Wife Is Out, Packing My Own Lunch This Week

Wife Is Out, Packing My Own Lunch This Week

TheChosenPeeples Report

Bunnies are better!!
Community Member
3 years ago

seems like a sustainable lunch

#66

I Might Have To Kill My Husband

I Might Have To Kill My Husband

HapEGoLucky Report

Abbs0345
Community Member
3 years ago

Justified!!! 100%!!

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#67

I Couldn't Find My Wife Until I Looked In Her Closet. I Said, "What Are You Doing?" She Says, "I Have Nothing To Wear"

I Couldn't Find My Wife Until I Looked In Her Closet. I Said, "What Are You Doing?" She Says, "I Have Nothing To Wear"

Augray_Sorn Report

Bunnies are better!!
Community Member
3 years ago

Oh really?

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#68

Sent My Husband To The Store For Milk And Kitty Litter. He Came Back With This. He's Now Back At The Store For The Milk And Litter

Sent My Husband To The Store For Milk And Kitty Litter. He Came Back With This. He's Now Back At The Store For The Milk And Litter

SidePone Report

BoredBirgit
Community Member
3 years ago

He focused on the important things in life

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#69

Tried To Put A Heart In My Husband's Pancake. Made A Ballsack Instead

Tried To Put A Heart In My Husband's Pancake. Made A Ballsack Instead

hillshmill Report

Bunnies are better!!
Community Member
3 years ago

I honestly don't think he'll mind

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#70

Husband Told Me To Make Sure The Wine Didn't Break In The Back Of The Car On Vacation. Don't Judge Me

Husband Told Me To Make Sure The Wine Didn't Break In The Back Of The Car On Vacation. Don't Judge Me