Finding the right person to spend the rest of your life with isn't about finding somebody who's perfect. It's about finding somebody who's perfect for you. Because as you can see from this hilarious list of marriage tweets compiled by Bored Panda, it's important for a healthy relationship to have a husband or wife who can handle all of your weird, annoying, and a downright unbearable sense of humor!

From the woman whose husband neglected gardening duties to buy the cat an inflatable unicorn horn, and hilarious marriage advice to the man whose wife forced him to go to IKEA despite the fact that they didn't need to buy anything, the collection of marriage jokes below is sure to make married life seem awesome. Don't forget to vote for the best pranks and funniest situations!

#1

My Wife Didn't Appreciate My Fridge Magnet Poem

My Wife Didn't Appreciate My Fridge Magnet Poem

FaisalSharif Report

jacluckycat
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How could she not appreciate something so heartfelt

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#2

Asked My Wife Where My Eye Drops Were. She Responded "In The Bedroom On The Tv Stand Under The Lightswitch Slightly Trapped Between The Wall"

Asked My Wife Where My Eye Drops Were. She Responded "In The Bedroom On The Tv Stand Under The Lightswitch Slightly Trapped Between The Wall"

mrbojingles1972 Report

#3

For The Past Two Years, Anything Sitting In Our Garage That The Wife Says We Can't Get Rid Of, I've Hung As "Art" In Our Otherwise Useless Front Room

For The Past Two Years, Anything Sitting In Our Garage That The Wife Says We Can't Get Rid Of, I've Hung As "Art" In Our Otherwise Useless Front Room

michaelsiemsen Report

Valentina
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

you Sir, will enjoy a long and happy marriage...

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#4

My Husband Sure Knows How To Make A Pregnant, Bloated Girl Feel Special On Her Birthday

My Husband Sure Knows How To Make A Pregnant, Bloated Girl Feel Special On Her Birthday

cassieko Report

John L
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You may not appreciate this now, but later on you'll cherish his thoughtfulness. Hugs-and-k...051928.gif Hugs-and-kisses-594275a051928.gif

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#5

My Hubbys Reaction When He Tasted That I Added Whiskey To His Coffee

My Hubbys Reaction When He Tasted That I Added Whiskey To His Coffee

dina_mrs_k Report

#6

Wife And I Spend An Hour Trying To Get The Cat To Turn Off The Lights, So We Didn't Have To Get Out Of Bed

Wife And I Spend An Hour Trying To Get The Cat To Turn Off The Lights, So We Didn't Have To Get Out Of Bed

ThunderKrunk Report

#7

Told The Wife The Floor Was Gross And Needed Cleaning. Told Her I Was Willing To Do It. She Said We Don't Need To. Clean Half She Said And Let's See The Difference... Mission Accomplished. (We Don't Have Tiled Floors)

Told The Wife The Floor Was Gross And Needed Cleaning. Told Her I Was Willing To Do It. She Said We Don't Need To. Clean Half She Said And Let's See The Difference... Mission Accomplished. (We Don't Have Tiled Floors)

ordin22 Report

#8

My Wife Has Been Trying Anything To Remind Me To Bring My Lunch To Work

My Wife Has Been Trying Anything To Remind Me To Bring My Lunch To Work

bsegovia Report

#9

Marriage Is All About Compromise. For Example, I Didn't Really Want A Dog. My Wife Did. So We Compromised... And Here Is Our New Puppy Copper

Marriage Is All About Compromise. For Example, I Didn't Really Want A Dog. My Wife Did. So We Compromised... And Here Is Our New Puppy Copper

slommyg21 Report

John L
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you can't fall in love with this little child, you have a Real Problem. :O

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#10

I Wore This Custom Shirt During My Wife's Labor. Wife Was Not Amused

I Wore This Custom Shirt During My Wife's Labor. Wife Was Not Amused

robin60062 Report

Hans
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She indeed does not look amused. Rightly, I guess.

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#11

After Working An 18 Hour Day, I Came Home To Find This Note Left By My Wife In The Bathroom

After Working An 18 Hour Day, I Came Home To Find This Note Left By My Wife In The Bathroom

Jacksoffwithhotsauce Report

#12

Whenever We Get Into A Heated Argument, My Wife Stops Mid Argument To Take A Selfie With Me, I'm Never Amused

Whenever We Get Into A Heated Argument, My Wife Stops Mid Argument To Take A Selfie With Me, I'm Never Amused

hmmunoz Report

Pi...
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But it seems to have done the trick!

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#13

What I Love About My Parents Is That After 41 Years Of Marriage, They Still Know How To Embarrass Their Kids

What I Love About My Parents Is That After 41 Years Of Marriage, They Still Know How To Embarrass Their Kids

spikeypeach Report

John L
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Two parents with a great sense of humor. Wow, what a Keeper! :D

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#14

My Pregnant Wife Sent This To Me At 2:12am This Morning. I'm Going To Guess That My Snoring Was Quite Bad Last Night

My Pregnant Wife Sent This To Me At 2:12am This Morning. I'm Going To Guess That My Snoring Was Quite Bad Last Night

batgaz Report

Jeremie Guerra
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So..I assume Huichol Indians women only had one pregnancy...(with the same companion )^^

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#15

When You Ask Your Husband To Pack Your Lunch

When You Ask Your Husband To Pack Your Lunch

RemorsefulArsonist Report

Bunnies are better!!
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

the way the apples and banana are laid out is too much for me to handle

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#16

I Needed To Borrow My Wife's Phone... She Said Her Password Was Our Anniversary. I Gave The Phone Back And Said I Didn't Know What Happened

I Needed To Borrow My Wife's Phone... She Said Her Password Was Our Anniversary. I Gave The Phone Back And Said I Didn't Know What Happened

StarskyAndHutch Report

Momogi
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I were you, I'd sit in the corner in silent.

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#17

We Were Looking Through Old Pictures Of Me When My Wife Started Laughing And Got The Dog's Flea Pills From The Cupboard

We Were Looking Through Old Pictures Of Me When My Wife Started Laughing And Got The Dog's Flea Pills From The Cupboard

phelyan Report

#18

My Wife And I Accidentally Got Each Other The Same Gift For Our Second Anniversary

My Wife And I Accidentally Got Each Other The Same Gift For Our Second Anniversary

myworkaccountatwork Report

John L
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It shows that you are both on the same page, and think alike. :D

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#19

Marriage Milestone

Marriage Milestone

XplodingUnicorn Report

Hans
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is it just me, or does someone else find it strange to say or write "fuck you" when addressing the spouse, even if it would be in a kidding mood?

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#20

My Wife Said I Could Decorate The Guest Bathroom As My Own. Multiple Screams Have Ensued

My Wife Said I Could Decorate The Guest Bathroom As My Own. Multiple Screams Have Ensued

ChefCthulhu Report

John L
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No more Hitchcock for you, from now on. ;D

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#21

My Wife Includes Little Notes In My Lunch When She Packs It. I've Been Saving Them In My Desk

My Wife Includes Little Notes In My Lunch When She Packs It. I've Been Saving Them In My Desk

Katoptrizo Report

#22

Married For 62 Years, But My Grandpa Will Still Pull Out His Road Atlas To Prove My Grandma Wrong

Married For 62 Years, But My Grandpa Will Still Pull Out His Road Atlas To Prove My Grandma Wrong

Upstream15 Report

John L
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If that's all you two argue about, no wonder you lasted that long together. :D

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#23

My Wife And I Do Not Lead A Very Exciting Life

My Wife And I Do Not Lead A Very Exciting Life

xxNixonxx Report

#24

Caught My Husband Red Handed... Thought He Was Working Out

Caught My Husband Red Handed... Thought He Was Working Out

GorJess229 Report

John L
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Remember this. Inside Every Man is a child just dying to come out and play. :D

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#25

Year No. 4 At My Wife's Family Reunion

Year No. 4 At My Wife's Family Reunion

switchfootball Report

John L
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This could be a subtle hint, that you don't come around enough. :O

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#26

Whenever I Asked My Husband What He Wanted For Dinner He Always Answered, "Bacon-Wrapped Shrimp And Asparagus With Hollandaise Sauce" Just To F*ck With Me. Today I Served Him This

Whenever I Asked My Husband What He Wanted For Dinner He Always Answered, "Bacon-Wrapped Shrimp And Asparagus With Hollandaise Sauce" Just To F*ck With Me. Today I Served Him This

lacquerroneous Report

#27

My Wife Said This License Plate Made Her Think Of Me

My Wife Said This License Plate Made Her Think Of Me

betterguesser Report

#28

Never Have I Been So Mad At My Wife Before

Never Have I Been So Mad At My Wife Before

skaschmidt Report

Alessia Facchin
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

gosh, she is smart...I wasn't expecting it...

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#29

Marriage Is About Sharing (Almost) Everything

Marriage Is About Sharing (Almost) Everything

bizcat Report

John L
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You forgot the magic word after "Go Away". You still have a lot to learn about partnerships. :O

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#30

Trying To Sent Subtle Hints To My Wife Last Night

Trying To Sent Subtle Hints To My Wife Last Night

MISSINGxLINK Report

Jeremie Guerra
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Do you see a bear in the middle climbing a rock or is it just me? ^^

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#33

I Love Making Cookies With My Wife

I Love Making Cookies With My Wife

n33hai Report

John L
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What's that old saying............"Flattery will get you Everywhere". Hugs-and-k...4de895.gif Hugs-and-kisses-59427aa4de895.gif

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#34

My Husband Didn't Want A Birthday Cake

My Husband Didn't Want A Birthday Cake

Montification Report

#35

My Pregnant Wife Demanded I Go To The Store For Frozen Yogurt. I Was Temped To Play A Joke, But Wanted To Live

My Pregnant Wife Demanded I Go To The Store For Frozen Yogurt. I Was Temped To Play A Joke, But Wanted To Live

ThePantser Report

#36

This Is What Happens When My Wife Leaves On A Business Trip And I'm Home Alone. When She's Home Vs. When She's Gone

This Is What Happens When My Wife Leaves On A Business Trip And I'm Home Alone. When She's Home Vs. When She's Gone

Nattyiceforme Report

#37

My Husband Challenged Me To See If I Could Fit In My New Suitcase... I Sent Him This Response

My Husband Challenged Me To See If I Could Fit In My New Suitcase... I Sent Him This Response

something_something1 Report

Helping Panda
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Who took the second picture? Nevertheless, impressive!

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#38

Marriage Status

Marriage Status

XplodingUnicorn Report

#39

I Came Home To This Last Night. I Married The Right Woman

I Came Home To This Last Night. I Married The Right Woman

irishike Report

John L
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

At least she's original in her suggestions. :D

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#40

My Wife Hates Comic Book Movies. Thanks Universal

My Wife Hates Comic Book Movies. Thanks Universal

holmw13 Report

#41

The "My Wife/Girlfriend Made Me Go To The Mall" Support Group Is Underway

The "My Wife/Girlfriend Made Me Go To The Mall" Support Group Is Underway

8amHangovers Report

Susan Gardner
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't understand why they even go if they are not going to spend time together, but whatevs

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#42

My Husband Got Tired Of Wine Stains Everywhere So He Got Me A Sippy Wine Cup

My Husband Got Tired Of Wine Stains Everywhere So He Got Me A Sippy Wine Cup

ozfrogs Report

#43

I'm Starting A Fight With My Wife

I'm Starting A Fight With My Wife

ComcastNeedsToDie Report

Jeremie Guerra
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well if that's the meal you will offer to your wife I totally understand why she'll fight :)

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#44

Marry Your Best Friend

Marry Your Best Friend

fourzerotwo Report

#45

My Wife's New Hand Towel

My Wife's New Hand Towel

toremygooch Report

#46

I'm A Super Nervous Flyer. My Wife Just Took This Pic Of Me At The Airport Restaurant, About To Board The Plane A Part Of Our Honeymoon

I'm A Super Nervous Flyer. My Wife Just Took This Pic Of Me At The Airport Restaurant, About To Board The Plane A Part Of Our Honeymoon

wynstn Report

John L
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Looks like the sign in the background says it all, right? ;D

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#47

Asked My Husband To (Hand) Whip Some Heavy Cream. Hear Strange Noises And Walk In On This

Asked My Husband To (Hand) Whip Some Heavy Cream. Hear Strange Noises And Walk In On This

Lilaflockensocke Report

#48

My Wife Wanted To Make Sure That Someone Took A Picture Of The Expression On Our Faces When Our Daughter Was Born Today. So I Took One

My Wife Wanted To Make Sure That Someone Took A Picture Of The Expression On Our Faces When Our Daughter Was Born Today. So I Took One

gilsolano12 Report

Jeremie Guerra
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can affirme that this couple have nothing related to Huichol Indians :D

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#49

I Have My Reasons For Making My Wife Use Her Own Tube

I Have My Reasons For Making My Wife Use Her Own Tube

jimmyg4life Report

#50

Was Wondering Why My Wife Was Giggling When She Asked Me To Change The Air Filters

Was Wondering Why My Wife Was Giggling When She Asked Me To Change The Air Filters

AelyneMB Report

John L
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's what is known as a subtle hint. ;D

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#51

My Husband Always Leaves Me Notes When He Has To Leave Town For Work

My Husband Always Leaves Me Notes When He Has To Leave Town For Work

StagKen Report

#52

My Husband Attempted To Help With The Laundry. I Don't Buy Pink Towels Because I Don't Like Pink

My Husband Attempted To Help With The Laundry. I Don't Buy Pink Towels Because I Don't Like Pink

Jessie599 Report

criminalgirl
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Men will do anything it takes to never be asked to do a chore again.

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#54

My Husband Bet Me I Couldn't Shave His Foot Without Him Waking Up. This Is What He Woke Up To This Morning

My Husband Bet Me I Couldn't Shave His Foot Without Him Waking Up. This Is What He Woke Up To This Morning

Potatoprincessa Report

#55

Wife And I Had A Big Fight Last Week - On Valentine's Day She Gave Me This Along With My Gift

Wife And I Had A Big Fight Last Week - On Valentine's Day She Gave Me This Along With My Gift

elusivemrx Report

John L
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is a "Keeper". Just don't flash it around in front of her, especially with family members present. Seriously! :O

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#56

My Wife Asked For A Coach Bag For Her Birthday. Let's Just Say She's Pretty Happy Today

My Wife Asked For A Coach Bag For Her Birthday. Let's Just Say She's Pretty Happy Today

armiesofants Report