Married life has its highs and lows and a whole lot of mundane moments in between.
But whether we're talking about the ordinary or the extraordinary, some spouses find a way to treat marriage with a healthy dose of humor.
From fighting about who gets to use the new vacuum cleaner first to setting parental controls on Netflix after your partner watches a show without you, we at Bored Panda put together a new list of the funniest marriage tweets we found, and they're just as hilariously relatable as the ones in our older pieces here and here.
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I try to load it right all the time. Never, ever get it right.
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Because of Covid my missus has been unable to go to work so she does the house work. If I try to help she gets the right hump! Its not a nice feeling when I feel useless around the house.
Tell her how you feel. If she doesn't listen then, sorry, but that's not a good sign. I don't understand a lot of complaints where people feel it has to be done 'their way' as it is often perfectly fine. If it's done so badly that it doesn't clean, then fair enough. Ask though - if it's just a personal preference, that's silly and people need to stop being so a**l about some things.
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On our first holiday I left his Speedos in the bathroom. This was 1986, and I have not been permitted to pack a suitcase since. No one, not even my dearest friends, believes that I didn't do it on purpose.
I look your user name. (Pa)triarch, (Ma)triarch, (Aunt)riach!
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That's a rule in my household. Yes I clean, cook etc... Tell me I did it wrong, it automatically becomes your task permanently
Yes i hate people like that. My partner makes me do all chores but he is always critisizing them. I want to strangle him sometimes.
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Most of it gets moved around before I turn it on, just to fit more in it. I appreciate not having to put all of the dishes in even if I have to move them a bit.
I seem to have been born with the proper instincts to load the dishwasher in the most efficacious way possible. I can't really claim credit; it just comes naturally. Enough to the point where, when my partner loads it and tells me "It's full; won't hold anything else," I can fit another 8 or 10 dishes in. Too bad that talent's not worth anything on the open market, eh?
I solved that issue. That job is mine from the beginning and the dishwasher runs less often, it saves soap and hot water too.
I also left the dishwasher for my husband. This is something that our 5-year-old child will do in some time.
Well its not hard. There are sections for plates, cups etc.
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If you don't like how I do it, do it yourself. My teen son got to do all of his own ironing. Seriously.
You know, when we first got one, I thought I was doing pretty good. I got all the dirty dishes in it and they came out clean. Then kids come along and we had MORE dirty dishes than we had been having. SO, the wife started loading it, i.e., jamming everything she could in it, no matter what it took. AND you know WHAT, it worked. I never loaded it again, what was the point, why waste my time if she was just going to redo it before running it.
to be fair... It really sucks when someone loads the dishwasher wong. There's a specific and logical way to stack the tableware
This reminds me of a Bill Egvall bit. He's talking about life at home and arguments with his wife, and she said something along the lines of, "I KNOW I'm not the only one here who knows how to load a dishwasher!" He replied, "Apparently you are." In answer to her scowl, he said, "We PUT dishes in the dishwasher. Then YOU come in behind us and rearrange them."
My husband grew up with one but never had to do dishes. I didn't get ones until my late 20's and it's challenging like Tetris! I broke my foot and had to have surgery sooo.... Do you know how difficult it is to go by on your knee scooter and see drinking glasses on the bottom and knives point up mixed with spoons????
There is no right or wrong way as long as the job is getting done. This will make both of you much happier
My wife loads the dishwasher in more or less a chaotic way. Once the cycle is done, it turns into a TV game show… EA2D8A75-C...2-jpeg.jpg 
This reminds me. My partner asked me why I don't wash the bedding straight after I take it of the bed but store it and wash only before the next exchange. I said I like it freshly cleaned. He cannot understand it somehow.
After nearly 40 years of managing to clean dishes by hand and dishwasher, my newly retired husband has a lot to say about loading dishwashers. As I like to get things out of this sink, he merrily reloads the whole thing nagging the whole while. You need to give your wife a hug.
To learn about what it takes to maintain a healthy relationship with your spouse, we contacted marriage & relationship coach Suzanne Venker. "The pillars of married life is a shared belief in marriage as an institution, being on the same team (particularly with respect to money, religion, parenting, and in-laws) and a genuine like (not just love) of the other person," the author of the forthcoming book, How to Get Hitched (and Stay Hitched): A 12-Step Program for Marriage-Minded Women, told Bored Panda.
If people have that, Venker believes they can withstand the biggest dangers to their married life: being competitive (or engaging in a power struggle, rather than being complementary by accepting how different men and women really are with their needs, thought processes, and behaviors) as well as the inability to accept the other person (or to accept that some things won't change), and the lack of respect on the part of the wife and lack of romance and tenderness on the part of the husband.
The share of U.S. adults who are currently married has declined from 58% in 1995 to 53% in 2019. Over the same period, however, the share of adults who are living with an unmarried partner has risen from 3% to 7%.
But according to the Pew Research Center, married adults have higher levels of relationship satisfaction and trust than those living with an unmarried partner (about six-in-ten married adults (58%) say things are going very well in their marriage; 41% of cohabiters say the same about their relationship with their partner).
Plus, married adults are also more likely than cohabiters to say they feel closer to their spouse or partner than to any other adult (about eight-in-ten married adults (78%) say they feel closer to their spouse than to any other adult in their life; a narrower majority of cohabiters (55%) say the same about their partner).
Suzanne Venker said that humor is also very important to a successful marriage. "Life is long and difficult. There are so many stressors in a marriage and without humor and playfulness, it will be a much harder road. And not nearly as fun," she explained. So I guess the people we see on the list are off to a great start!
French fries, a steak and 2 bottles of red wine sounds good for dinner.
Thing is we’re all picky eaters, we just notice it more in others than we do ourselves. We all have certain preferences. Not just ourselves, but all of the animal kingdom; my cat will only eat one specific brand of dry food, give her anything else and it will go uneaten.
My wife bought new net curtains, they’re nice but the drop is too long in the living room and dining room. You know what? I used to take copious amounts of drugs, sleep behind a supermarket and wake up just in time to go to work, go travelling abroad sometimes without any luggage whatever, oh the list of poor and naive choices goes on and on. But at least I now have nice new net curtains.
An old Italian woman once told me the secret to a successful marriage is finding someone you can put up with who is willing to put up with you.
Any man that believes women are "the weaker sex" has never tried to reclaim his half of the blankets on a cold winter's night.
Her French Fries are just your French Fries on the wrong plate.
Hi Honey, I got the store brand of toothpaste and saved twenty cents! (Crickets.)
I message evil faces to that question, and my husband messages back, ok the ice machine is on. He's a keeper
But you appreciate it when she produces something you need at the the time from said purse.
I dare you to say the same to her. Experience: been with wife for 26 years. Trust me on this.
That made me the big spoon. I'm the woman. I'm supposed to be the little spoon.
I would totally wear a dress for my second vaccine if I didn’t hate dresses. Maybe I’ll wear a suit. Hmmm
Snorted at this. I cut his ear lobe trying to trim his ear hair.
What is yours is yours and what is mine is mine - unless you have run out of vodka and start drinking my beers!
You can make your night more entertaining by commenting on the argument. "She's got a point there..." "Bet he never even thought about that." "Wrong, that's not what he said just now."
If a man stands in the centre of a forest, with no women around, is he still wrong ?
Hey, it’s your popcorn. You don’t have to share it if you don’t want to.
When i sneeze a few times i act as though im dying just to wind the missus up
How about he write it down next time? I keep a notepad on the fridge, and add things as I notice them getting low all week before I shop. I have to keep reminding my husband to write it down instead of just casually telling me he needs or wants this or that. Write. It. Down. FFS.
My missus has a 100% dont know about DIY so she just lets me get on with it
Good thing we have a bizarre sense of humor here in Canada. Happy to help.
Gotta say it...you let stinky uniforms sit in the house all week??? Do you not have noses???
Especially the mumbles. Things become awkward very fast if you don't understand mumbles.
And the most uncomfortable, back breaking bed you’ll ever spend a sleepless night on, whether it’s a sofa, sofa bed, or futon.
I believe being able to banter and laugh with your significant other is a very important part of bonding. My bf and I always have a good laugh at my quirks and our different accents, different life experiences, but it's never disrespectful or unkind. We would defend each other to our last breath; we're a team, with different strengths and limitations. Neither of us want to get married, and at our age and stage in life it isn't necessary.
Way too many people commenting here are sadly lacking a sense of humor. Either that, or they feel stuck in bad relationship, which is kind of the same thing.
Silly me, I though these posts were really funny
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This is a typical scenario with my wife when we're trying to decide on a takeaway. Me - What do you want to eat? Her - I really don't mind Me - Ok. Indian? Her - Nah Me - Pizza? Her - No Me - Burger? Her - Don't fancy a burger Me - Chinese? Her - Silence but her eyes widen. Me - So Chinese then? Her - I really don't mind, you pick.
"Let's get takeaway tonight. I forget, what was the name of that place you told me you liked so much?"
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I was laughing so hard at these. I don't think my husband found them funny.. lol
My marriage works because he does vomit and snot and my remit is poop and boo boos.
It's nice to see that other couples are like myself and my Hubs. We just celebrated our 21st Anniversary and I can count on one hand the fights we've had. That's not to say that we get along ALL the time, but we don't scream and yell. We can make each other laugh like no one else. I think the fact that we were best friends (and still are) first helped.
I don't know why I read this. I'm single af. Can't even remember what being in a relationship feels like...
If this is considered a happy marriage, I don't want it. Way too many of these are glorifying controlling & gaslighting your spouse and it's just not ok.
I read these as compromise and looking at each other's idiosyncrasies with humor because you love them and they are never going to change.
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I do agree with much of what you said. I get irritated by people joking about how awful their spouse is, and sometimes it's taken way too far, but the fact of the matter is, when you're married, you're spouse is definitely going to annoy you at times. Me and my husband have a great, loving relationship and actually have to compromise a lot less than we see other couples do. However, we still get on each other's nerves. It's part of living together with someone for your whole life. That's why it's funny. It happens to every married couple and it's relatable. That being said, I know it can be taken to a toxic level where people joke about not even liking their spouse and aren't being respectful of them either. And in that case it's just sad. So I think there is a healthy level of joking when it comes to your spouse annoying you.
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Okay... good luck to you. I am in the UK. We don't do dollars here.
Load More Replies... I believe being able to banter and laugh with your significant other is a very important part of bonding. My bf and I always have a good laugh at my quirks and our different accents, different life experiences, but it's never disrespectful or unkind. We would defend each other to our last breath; we're a team, with different strengths and limitations. Neither of us want to get married, and at our age and stage in life it isn't necessary.
Way too many people commenting here are sadly lacking a sense of humor. Either that, or they feel stuck in bad relationship, which is kind of the same thing.
Silly me, I though these posts were really funny
Load More Replies... This is a typical scenario with my wife when we're trying to decide on a takeaway. Me - What do you want to eat? Her - I really don't mind Me - Ok. Indian? Her - Nah Me - Pizza? Her - No Me - Burger? Her - Don't fancy a burger Me - Chinese? Her - Silence but her eyes widen. Me - So Chinese then? Her - I really don't mind, you pick.
"Let's get takeaway tonight. I forget, what was the name of that place you told me you liked so much?"
Load More Replies... I was laughing so hard at these. I don't think my husband found them funny.. lol
My marriage works because he does vomit and snot and my remit is poop and boo boos.
It's nice to see that other couples are like myself and my Hubs. We just celebrated our 21st Anniversary and I can count on one hand the fights we've had. That's not to say that we get along ALL the time, but we don't scream and yell. We can make each other laugh like no one else. I think the fact that we were best friends (and still are) first helped.
I don't know why I read this. I'm single af. Can't even remember what being in a relationship feels like...
If this is considered a happy marriage, I don't want it. Way too many of these are glorifying controlling & gaslighting your spouse and it's just not ok.
I read these as compromise and looking at each other's idiosyncrasies with humor because you love them and they are never going to change.
Load More Replies... I do agree with much of what you said. I get irritated by people joking about how awful their spouse is, and sometimes it's taken way too far, but the fact of the matter is, when you're married, you're spouse is definitely going to annoy you at times. Me and my husband have a great, loving relationship and actually have to compromise a lot less than we see other couples do. However, we still get on each other's nerves. It's part of living together with someone for your whole life. That's why it's funny. It happens to every married couple and it's relatable. That being said, I know it can be taken to a toxic level where people joke about not even liking their spouse and aren't being respectful of them either. And in that case it's just sad. So I think there is a healthy level of joking when it comes to your spouse annoying you.
Load More Replies... Okay... good luck to you. I am in the UK. We don't do dollars here.
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