Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
If you didn’t know just yet, God is on Twitter. The Almighty has over 6.1 million devout fans eagerly awaiting His latest posts while He Himself follows only one account—Justin Bieber’s. The parody account is full of hilarious jokes and witty comments that will hopefully make you laugh and raise your spirits.
We’ve collected some of the best tweets posted by God for you to enjoy, so scroll down, have a read, and upvote your fave ones. Let us know what you think about the Almighty’s posts in the comment section below.
And in case you were wondering why your prayers might not be working this month, God has stated that He is “taking time off” to write His newest testament while on a ‘workation’ on the planet Bethselamin from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
Sorry, but you also allowed that murderers became president of Russia and China. Just saying....
M O'Connell 5 years ago
Can we pretend the worst human being in the world is Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedov for a while?
Christina Uhlir 5 years ago
In an ideal scenario there would be no bad, greedy, cruel, evil people in the world.
daniel280456 5 years ago
In an ideal scenario, the man running for President of the US wouldn't be a pedophile.
RELATED:
#2
Why? 5 years ago
When you passed out 'brains', too many people thought you said 'trains' and took the next one.
Damon Gates 5 years ago
Really? And the two original people beelining for the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil wasn't a tip-off?
#3
Dee Mcgee 5 years ago (edited)
I have honestly never understood why people care so much. Im literally that stressed out trying to get through life in one peice I cant even imagine even thinking about whether somebody is gay or not ...let alone giving a s**t! Humans really baffle me.
b l a n c 5 years ago
it's true, the only thing that mentions homophobia in the bible is about a man not sleeping with a boy, but that was actually a mistranslation to english. it was supposed to be about pedophilia. the bible says very directly you shouldn’t do certain things, but in the end, it was written very long ago when times/people were different. now people can interpret things differently and you don't need to follow the bible exactly. i feel like people are just upset some are so different from them and use their religion to justify their hatred, despite the fact that many of them probably ignore the parts of the bible they don't follow. it's ridiculous when you think about it. as ms. maudie said in to kill a mockingbird, “There are just some kind of men who—who're so busy worrying about the next world they've never learned to live in this one, and you can look down the street and see the results."
Load More Replies...
CP 5 years ago
I can't love this comment enough. Whoever runs the God twitter account is amazing!
JuJu 5 years ago
When people hear "gay" they think about the sex live. Not the everyday life with your partner (doing dishes, grocerie shopping, cuddling up on the couch for a movie and falling asleep) or the love one feels for another. The dominant thought is "Where do they stick it???!!!!" Idjits.
Steve Cruz 5 years ago
What astonishes me is how much religious people seem to think about gay sex... and yet they still ask me stupid questions. My stock answer: "Here, I'll show you."
PhotoJenic12 5 years ago
I really don't know or care what the Bible says. But I know how to be a good person. Just live and let live. And try not to be a duck,
Don’t worry, though, the creator of the parody account has stated that God will be back “angrier, wittier, and more ineffective than ever” once September starts. Just in time for the new school year! “In My absence, no one is in charge,” God added.
The man behind The Tweet of God account is David Javerbaum from Los Angeles. He explained why the account he manages follows Bieber by saying, “From what God told me, he only follows close family members. That’s all I could get out of him.”
David is always in character, even when talking to the press. He maintains the appearance that he works for God and that he’s His social media manager. David started the account in 2010 while working on a book called ‘The Last Testament: A Memoir by God.’ One year later, he published the book and, ironically, people thought it was copying off the Twitter account.
#4
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
And call it "Normal police practice". It took quite some effort before the authorities made the click and got that this was just cold blooded murder on camera.
Reginald Joseph 5 years ago
it makes you think how many times this has happened and was not caught on camera.
Load More Replies...
Jessica 5 years ago
take a moment of silence for every African American human killed at the hands of a racist and you'd never speak again.
Wolfstar 5 years ago
@Conceicao Pereira, have you heard of the Civil War?
Load More Replies...
#5
CatWoman312 5 years ago
And what’s more sad is if they do believe it happened, they blame the woman.
Pseudo Puppy 5 years ago (edited)
A "2000 year old book", written 300 years after the events, based on generations of hearsay.....
Prashant Soni 5 years ago
you know what happens to a person accused of rape, their life gets ruined whether that person is guilty or not(more so in case of a male accused) and not like its unprecedented, males have been falsely accused of rape and later found not guilty but by that time they had lost their livelihood, their family and some even committed suicide. By the way I am an atheist but this person is comparing hundreds of years old myth believed by billions of people with unproven claims of 1 person who by the way has already ruined a life with this accusation and that is why there is a due process instead of blind faith.
Christina Uhlir 5 years ago
Human beings are not capable of treating or judging themselves fairly and coexist in peace with each other. Humans tried to exterminate each other from the dawn of humanity. "Do not fancy that you will lower yourselves by sympathy with the lower creatures. You CANNOT sympathize RIGHTLY with the higher unless you do with those." - John Ruskin (1819 - 1900) English essayist and reformer.
Load More Replies...
Mshauri Mazuri 5 years ago
Gotta have faith but people are losing faith in women. Though God made a throne for a man, God also made an altar for a woman.
Wade Evans 5 years ago (edited)
The worst people are those that say they believe the accuser and then accept the VP nomination of the predator.
Wade Evans 5 years ago (edited)
The worst people are those that say they believe the victim and then accept the VP nomination.
Patricia Brown 5 years ago
Or they say they believe in Jesus but don't care to do what he said to do. Matthew 25:31-46
#6
Mark Serbian 5 years ago
I don't vaccinate my children because I'm not qualified to do that! I take them to a doctor and have THEM do that stuff.
Neill Powell 5 years ago
God: creates humans. God: creates diseases that can wipe humanity off the planet. God" Let's just see how this plays out, I'm only in the creation and smiting business, don't judge me!"
Eventually, David was approached to turn his Twitter account into a Broadway play. Which resulted in The Act of God which went on for two summers all over the world.
In case you want to reach David and talk to God, don’t hold your breath. “God replies to tweets exactly as often as he replies to prayers from other people,” he said.
God’s rival Satan also had a similar parody Twitter account. However, due to a change in Twitter’s content policy, the Prince of Darkness got banned. Though the two accounts are quite similar, they weren’t created by the same person. And in the fight for our everlasting souls on social media, God came out victorious in the end.
#7
Francesco Nicoletti 5 years ago
You tried that once. Then you changed your mind and picked Noah. A drunken flasher. Try harder next time.
Paige Garberding 5 years ago
Nonhuman animals only! The world would be lush and bountiful. No pollution. No wars. No hate and violence and cruelty. Just peace for the inhabitants to go about the business of surviving and thriving.
#8
Gwen 5 years ago
That's what I keep saying. The reason people are abducted is so they can gauge our current level of stupidity. So far it must be pretty bad because we still haven't heard anything!
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
The abductions only take place in the US, though....
Load More Replies...
Kanga9ine 5 years ago
Perhaps we are just a free range food source for the rest of the universe. NASA was told not to let the barbecues built from space junk interfere with the golf ball on the moon. The guys who picked up the astronauts did comment on smelling barbecue but chalked it up to burn off during re-entry. Top of the food chain? Top of the menu maybe.
Neill Powell 5 years ago
Soooo. You intentionally made us dumb-as-rocks. Intelligence is not a choice, it a "God given ability" You're such a picky bastard.
#9
Steve Cruz 5 years ago
I went off the rails when I read the fairy tale of a god who supposedly created everything, but made humans with free choice, was disappointed every time they didn't adore him, and he cursed them forever. That's one dumb god.
Neill Powell 5 years ago
Would you add that to your book please, it's missing lots of info, like this.
Christina Uhlir 5 years ago
Yes, you are incompetent because you made one set of species to take lives of another, peaceful, innocent set of species, in order to preserve their own lives, and like that wasn't bad enough, you put a most cruel, heartless, greedy predator of all predators in the charge of that bloodbath. Why did you do that? Who the hell are you?
TRENTIN COOPER 3 years ago
WTF. Gay is ok. F**k the bible who cares. It was adem and steve lol.
Mike Rodrick 5 years ago
The definition of insanity & even YOU didn't learn? NO WONDER we suck as a species, but that's why you gave us dogs, right?
However, The Tweet of God account has been through some ups and downs. Five years ago, God’s account got hacked which made David quit Twitter for a year and a half. The account also got banned twice. However, the account’s still going strong. Mainly because of how much potential for satire there is in the world.
“The only time there would be no material for satire will be in a perfect world. And I don’t see that coming any time soon. I do think that if it were a perfect world, my [in]ability to make fun of it would be a small price to pay,” David told The Hindu.
#10
chi-wei shen 5 years ago
I'm sure hardcore bible fanatics have an answer for this. It might not be a smart answer but an answer.
Reginald Joseph 5 years ago
Yes, and their children had two boys, and one killed the other...so....there are some serious plot holes in this narrative.
Laura Deckers 5 years ago
The bible says they had three sons. Cain. Abel. Seth.
Load More Replies...
Maria Ribaulo 5 years ago
Let's see... Adam and Eve had Cain and Able. Then Cain took a wife - was she a goat? Who gave birth to his wife?
Kathie Daniel Fertur Lux 5 years ago
We didn’t evolve from apes, as such. I was taught that we have ancestors in common.
Steve Cruz 5 years ago
And then that same incest formula was spread to every creature on earth in the fairy tale of Noah's Ark.
#11
Paige Garberding 5 years ago
Nuh uh, Catholics get to repeat their sins over and over and over; that's what confession is for!
arthur lindsay coker 5 years ago
You set the standard for sin when you invaded the mind of man
TRENTIN COOPER 3 years ago
Is gay a sin? the answer is nooooooooo. MY dad whos an a*****e does think its a sin
Neill Powell 5 years ago
THEN STOP CREATING FORGIVENESS LOOPHOLES! You and Jesus need to talk about what he decided to pull off in your name for the 30 years he was in town. Some Nut-jobs wrote that s**t down!
#12
Reginald Joseph 5 years ago
So many right-wing Christians deny climate change exists, yet if God gives you a gift, shouldn't you treat it with the utmost care, respect and dignity?
Meyer Weinstock 5 years ago
There's No-ah person like that around these days...
Load More Replies... Paige Garberding 5 years ago
Forgot greed. Rich people grabbing up all the wealth they can thinking it will protect them. LOLOLOLOL.
Neill Powell 5 years ago
I heard Noah spoke about how you hardened people against him when you told him to build the Ark. It sounds a lot like that right now...You're a Liar, you SAID you wouldn't do that again, all that talk of rainbows and s**t....
Kanga9ine 5 years ago
Many seem to feel that anything and everything is here for their taking. They steal from those who worked hard to buy something, the kids need gifts so they take from who or where has it. They see something beautiful that's been here for a 1,000 years, and deface it. The destroy to get a selfie. That kill, are selfish and don't feel they owe anything to anyone but themselves. And they pass this down to their kids. The Bible never encouraged the rape and pillaging of Gods efforts. He made a promise after he had to wipe the slate almost clean and start again. The Bible has sold more copies and is owned by more people worldwide than any other book. It is also the least read or understood book as well. And the most misquoted. People pick and choose what will support their b******t behaviors. If it feels wrong it's wrong. There is no way to do a wrong thing, a right way. God gave us brains in hopes we'd use them. And he's disappointed at our failure to do so.
#13
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
And they'll spray Round Up and insecticides to make the salad better.
Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago
Also the trashing of oceans from fish nets left behind that trap other animals that aren’t being hunted, like turtles and seals. Supporting fishing = not giving a single f**k about your planet or the things living on it.
ERIKA H. 5 years ago
Oh man, just wait to you hear where your toilet paper winds up....
Load More Replies... Mike Rodrick 5 years ago (edited)
Without immigrants, who will pick the ingredients necessary for a salad? WHITE people?
Neill Powell 5 years ago
Your Son started that s**t... you really, really need to catch up on what he did while he was here
#14
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein.
Christina Uhlir 5 years ago
God worries a lot about human stupidity and do not seems to worry about human ignorance, arrogance, egomania, and cruelty, why?
Mike Rodrick 5 years ago
You MADE us so it seems to me that you're projecting your foolishness onto us.
#15
Joval M. 5 years ago (edited)
I'm a Canadian and if you can't get along with us, we're really sorry
Todorokie-dokie 5 years ago
In third grade, my friends and I calculated the expenses we’d have and materials we’d need to craft a non-mechanical aircraft that flew us to Canada, as well as our route. We love you here in America!
Load More Replies...
GirlFriday 5 years ago
Canadians are sticky and it is well-documented that they have released weaponized geese to take down the central US.
AntiNutjob 5 years ago
One day Canadians will take over the world. And then you'll all be sorry.
AMYAH MINOTT-STARLING 5 years ago (edited)
im half canadian so you can get along with half of me if you can
Kanga9ine 5 years ago
Has anyone considered the possibility that it's us who many can't get along with? Whether we visit another state or another country, we are a guest and should make the effort to act as such. Customs, food, language...respect is earned through respect. Be impeccable with your word. Now more than ever before, we got to start mending some fences. Not build more walls.
Jen Cook 5 years ago
Totally agree, I'm Canadian and I get so embarrassed when any Canadian does something selfish, racist, destructive or just plain arrogant when visiting another nation. Totally mortified when complete strangers of my own nationality are idiots abroad and can not fathom anyone who doesn't realize when outside of your own nation, you are always representing your homeland.
Load More Replies...
#16
John Doe AKA "READ MY DAMN COMMENT OR REPLY BEFORE YOU DISLIKE!" 5 years ago
Example: white supremacy. Another example: racial supremacy of any kind.
Christina Uhlir 5 years ago
Another example: animal cruelty perpetrated by humans. Fact: there would be no white supremacy, no racial, social or any kind of injustice if there was animal rights. The link between cruelty to animals and violence against people is undeniable.
Load More Replies... 
Neill Powell 5 years ago
Hey hey, you gave us choice of good and Evil. That's just a design flaw from s****y engineering in the first place. You.
Carrie Roettger 5 years ago
That's like saying what's on your mind when there's really nothing on your mind or what's on your mind is truly repugnant
#17
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
Nah. We won't live to see it so we'll leave to the younger generations to solve that problem but we are also going to sabotage every effort they are making now to turn the tide. Like allowing oil companies to drill in the Arctic Wildlife Refuge.
Riley 5 years ago
Believe me those oil execs will be the first to board the spaceship leaving Earth (when it's available)
Load More Replies...
Kimberley Thomas 5 years ago
I as an Environmentally Friendly person dread that. I sometimes talk about moving to another planet. If anything, I rather stay here and have the perpetrators drop kicked off of Mother Earth. Anywhere god chooses is fine with me, Hell, Solar System, etc.
Bacony Cakes 5 years ago
I was thinking of betraying humanity and joining the aliens. I'll even do the little wave thing Breen did when i get beamed up into their spaceship.
Fayga Phyllis Gerszberg Keats 5 years ago
And we know who allowed it, pushed for it and responsible
Zero-Light 5 years ago
The Mars terraforming distraction is a good way to stop thinking about the trash we're making of our home.
Christina Uhlir 5 years ago
See God, the destructive, cruel, greedy, evil humans are not that stupid.
Load More Replies... #18
Mike Rodrick 5 years ago
Don't let organized religion hear you say that! They believe more in you than scientific fact.
Neill Powell 5 years ago
Oh, no bud. You're verified alright. Have you read your Old testament? You're the a*****e step-dad that is screaming at us from 4000 years ago.
#19
Christina Uhlir 5 years ago
Yes, that is the reason why 150 different species go instinct every single day, thanks to giving humans free will, all of them. So whose fault is it?
Mike Rodrick 5 years ago
Apparently, YOU'RE not as infallible as you claim to be. Are YOU NOT the boss of us?
#20
Grace Skerp 5 years ago
If you don't like wearing a mask, you're really not going to like a ventilator tube jammed down your trachea.
Mike Rodrick 5 years ago
Millions don't know the difference or don't care. Either way, you won't have to deal with us much longer. ESPECIALLY if the nitwit in the white house is reelected.
#21
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
That's ok. According to your followers you are one unforgiving, heartless, unloving jerk anyway, so we didn't expect you to actually intervene in some way. Like striking a few fools with lightning.
Onion rings like to make your breath smelly 5 years ago
Even if you aren't Christian/Catholic, you shouldn't be rude... that really hurts
Load More Replies...
Neill Powell 5 years ago
You Know, you always do this. You f**k s**t up, and then to f**k it up further you f**k more s**t up. how many plagues did you eventually load up on Egypt? You send your son to create a controversial version of your religion, then you let the dumbass be betrayed and then to f**k it up even more, you let him be crucified.Even worse, you bring him back, and then shortly thereafter you tell him to f**k off back home...You could have just left him here for 2 millennia, you know as proof, maybe?
Grandma Shark 5 years ago
I thought You pushed the "pause" button to shiw us what would happen if we all just slowed down.. less polution, water getting clear again, parents getting more involved with their children etc...
Gretal S 5 years ago
People committing suicide, rampant Depression, loss of economy...yay!!!
Load More Replies... #22
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
NRA logic: Guns don't kill people. But people with guns kill people. So to protect yourself from people with guns, buy a gun. ( BTW Hey, congressmen, you still haven't pushed the stand your ground laws in all states. That's not what we paid you for...)
Christina Uhlir 5 years ago
About the 'Stand your Ground' Law: this law assumes that a person with the gun was attacked, and that a person without the gun was the attacker/aggressor. That fundamentally wrong.
Load More Replies... Paul K. Johnson 5 years ago
Yes, MJ and Gretal - People Kill People. And that's why people should not have guns. You don't like gun laws because criminals will break them. Yet you don't apply that same "logic" to any other laws. People still murder people even though it's against the law. By your "logic" then there shouldn't be any laws at all because every law will be broken by someone.
Craig Stitt 5 years ago
Not that it will change anyone's minds, but in the US, crime in general and specifically gun crime has dropped to almost half it was in the early 1990's (per capita), yet over that same period of time the number of guns in the US has nearly doubled. I am not saying more guns make us safer, but I am saying that the 'more guns = more crime' is absolutly wrong. The one thing that has been on a stead climb since the arly 2000's is the perception that we are less safe. Than you so much social media.
Paul K. Johnson 5 years ago
Here's one I especially love - the "this other thing can kill too so why don't we outlaw that?" If you peddle that b******t and you believe it then why do you make such a big deal about having guns? Think about it. Guns are expensive. Ammo is expensive and expendable. Guns have a lot of moving parts which means they're prime for breaking down. Instead, you should carry spoons. You gun folks claim they're just as deadly. You can carry as many concealed spoons as you like. They have no moving parts so they're magnitudes more reliable than guns and bonus - they don't use ammo so you never have to worry about running out at a critical moment. But then there's the part where you know you're full of it and comparing guns to cars, spoons, swimming pools, etc. is nonsense.
Craig Stitt 5 years ago
Actually, that is EXACTLY right. Never does anything all by themselves. Someone has to use the defibrillrot for it to save a life just like someone has to use a gun to take a life.
Damon Gates 5 years ago
I'd rather have a seething conspiracy nut with a defibrillator than a gun.
Load More Replies... 
The Upset Kitten 5 years ago
This one is stupid. A force needs to be enacted upon the inanimate object for it to do anything. And objects don't have "intentions". People do. Defibrillators don't save people. People with proper medical training on how to use defibrillators do. Cuz used improperly, like a firearm, you CAN actually kill someone.
#23
BlackestDawn 5 years ago
Or as I heard/read it somewhere else years ago: "Artificial intelligence stand no chance against natural stupidity".
Ivo H 5 years ago
Artificial intelligence isn't a threat to humanity until it realizes that the world be the better place without it.
John Doe AKA "READ MY DAMN COMMENT OR REPLY BEFORE YOU DISLIKE!" 5 years ago
*cough* Ultron.
Load More Replies... Mike Rodrick 5 years ago
WHY do YOU keep blaming US? YOU supposedly made us in YOUR image. It's ALWAYS someone ELSE'S fault. Maybe you DID choose Trump after all!
#24
AntiNutjob 5 years ago
China is supposedly cracking down on the wildlife markets. Hopefully some real change will finally come.
Mary Dellenbusch 5 years ago
No. They are back at it again. They are just trying to save face because they f****d everything up. They have no compassion for animals. They believe in false medicinal beliefs. And they feel that's good enough to lie and kill every animal in the most horrific way possible. They got off on it.
Load More Replies...
Mike Rodrick 5 years ago
I'd be willing to bet that the bat was a female after a girls night out.
#25
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
We only have to look at ourselves to see how intelligent life might develop into something we wouldn't want to meet.
Mike Rodrick 5 years ago
YOU believe he was the FIRST? It seems that your actions, or lack thereof have given enough proof long ago. Many people believe your son was a socialist & that's why they crucified him.
#26
Paige Garberding 5 years ago
Because the next Tweet was, "The rest of you are nasty and should be deported."
#27
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
Marriage is a bond between two loving persons. There god, I fixed it for you.
TRENTIN COOPER 3 years ago
Gay marriage hmmm. I'm a boy and someday i,ll get a boy friend and even have a husband
#28
Sarah Simons 4 years ago
Also, from the future here, people literally were breaking into the capital when Trump lost. Yes, he lost, but he denied it and acted like a four year old. 2021 is wild.
Load More Replies...
Neill Powell 5 years ago
Like I said, Egypt all over again. Don't you have better things to do? Just let us kill each other in peace, man, okay?
#29
Becky Samuel 5 years ago
They're no more in its a**s than the clitoris is in a woman's a**s. You would think that God could at least remember where he put them.
sonofabass 5 years ago
I had to look this up. Not quite true. Slits on either side of the a**s, not the same hole.
Caroline Driver 5 years ago
I like that dolphins and whales have voluntary control over their erections. You'd think God could've continued with this great idea when he got to humans
Kk C-Mcgee 5 years ago
Hahahahahahahahahaha if only God (pretending he exists for a moment) was this cool
Neill Powell 5 years ago
You should really consider to stop making booze from Mana...That stuff has some holy s**t in it.
#30
Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago
Only because church goers are lame. Having sex isn’t that big of a deal.
#33
Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago
They’d all admit they were wrong if there was money in it for them.
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
* Some. Not all, but it may look as if the majority thinks that we should follow Hitler's philosophy: When I die this world will die with me.
#34
Laura Lawson 5 years ago
I always wanted to go up to one of 'those' Christians & teach them a bit about geography. Where is Bethlehem everyone? No not the American one, the one with the bebe jesus. That's right, the Middle East. And are Middle Eastern people lily-white, like your a*s? No, they are not. Unfortunately, I live in Australia. We're a bit more chill about that stuff. When your country either self combusts or floods or both every year, it really puts life in perspective. Just have a beer, put away your guns & wash your hands.
#36
#37
chi-wei shen 5 years ago
I remember an old joke where the pope informed the world that Jesus came back to earth and talked to him. It was a long distance call from Mekka.
Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago
Still sounds like b******t since there are no religions with even a slightly believable origin story.
Bacony Cakes 4 years ago
Ancient Greek's is basically "uuuh yea so these two gods fell in love then they got a divorce so now we have olive oil"
Load More Replies...
#39
Skylar Spexarth 5 years ago
wait just a minute that adds up three and zombies hasn't happened yet I call zombies for October
#40
Octavia Hansen 5 years ago
With better food, medicine and safety warning, we're keeping stupid people alive. It used to be that stupid people would die or be killed. Now they breed. Mankind has doomed itself.
Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago
He never suggested things would get better. Evolution isn’t the same as better.
Load More Replies...
#42
Mark Serbian 5 years ago
I cannot imagine the bureaucracy that you'd have to get to approve that!
#44
#46
#48
Mark Serbian 5 years ago
Which proves that, even though you don't exist, you're smarter than we thought...
Jette Wang Wahnon 5 years ago
Which one ?? GOD,GOD? or God the Bieber fan? or The chosen one who says It is what it is?
Load More Replies... #49
Šimon Špaček 5 years ago
I need more info about this one. For start, how many languages will you test?
Mark Serbian 5 years ago
Most of us are, like, doomed then. Darn! How about adding that being nice to dogs gets you in, too?
#50
John Laurens/Gay Turtle 5 years ago
"You're not my children, you're a bad game of sims" - Bo Burnham, "From God's Perspective"
#51
#52
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
Ask Trump: He's told everyone round this time last year that he's the chosen one....
#53
#54
Jette Wang Wahnon 5 years ago
Don´t worry...He was really big on forgiveness....but,If you are getting so forgetful after 2020 years...maybe you should think of retirement..
#56
Beli Keshini 5 years ago
It's in the middle of the night, I've just brought my baby to bed and it's about the third time I touch my phone today (and I don't have any Social Media Accounts btw) - so NO.
#58
PattonPawter 5 years ago
*my sanders sides brain somehow is reminded of “Forbidden Fruit” aka Remus’s theme*(look Sanders sides up if ya don’t know what it is. It’s awesome and I’m pretty sure you’ll enjoy it)
Load More Replies... #59
Justin Seagull 5 years ago
Well, nowadays, it's more likely to be "Yeah, I hate me too"
Load More Replies... #60
#61
#62
Fred and George Weasley 5 years ago
pandas arent selfish gross and weird. theyre just killed for chinese medicine that (no offense to anyone who believes it does) doesnt actually work. people choose to be seflish gross and weird and kill pandas, sooooo.. yeah
Load More Replies...
#63
#64
BananaGirl 5 years ago
What about that restaurant chain? Or is TGI Fridays not a thing anymore?
#68
Skylar Spexarth 5 years ago
to the moron named MJ no he said what he meant and meant what he said
#69
Damon Gates 5 years ago
You'll likely be seeing MJ, based on his/her response to the 10 COVID-ments.
#71
#72
Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago
Seriously. Heaven sounds like pure hell. Just worshipping constantly. The f**k.
#73
Jette Wang Wahnon 5 years ago
And so it was...at the time....but now the Us government has realised it´s mistake and is doing it´s out-most to rectify it..
Damon Gates 5 years ago (edited)
And we've been repeating this approach, making it the root cause of every human tragedy.
#74
#75
Skylar Spexarth 5 years ago
yes, yes it does and proves that there is no devil its just god when he drunk/stoned
Load More Replies...
#77
Bender Bending Rodríguez 5 years ago
And Karens of all genders can't wear a mask for 5 minutes without complaining.
angie but who cares 4 years ago
also j sizz you mean sexs there are to SEXS MALE AND FEMALE there are alot of genders
Load More Replies...
#79
Damon Gates 5 years ago
Some believe they have a right to not be offended. No idea where they got that idea.
#80
#81
#82
Skylar Spexarth 5 years ago
no wait you didnt write them a bunch of a**holes who claimed you said them wrote them
#84
#85
#92
#111
JustAWeirdoGirlChild 5 years ago
probably forgot and took 2 screenshots or something
Load More Replies...
Add New Image
What do you think ?
The Hufflepuff Bookworm 5 years ago
I am happy that "God" is supporting gays and not encouraging homophobia
Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago
Where’d all the dumbfuck conservatives come from? Did the Trump rally let out early?
Maik 5 years ago
"Mother" Theresa was a stupid c**t in love with poverty who hoarded millions of dollars but spent zero in making the lives of the poor better. She denied heat, analgesics and basic care expenses to those suffering in her shelters. She was a miserable woman. Are you being deliberately ignorant?
Liz the Wanderer 5 years ago
She denied morphine to dying cancer patients because "suffering brings us closer to god". So of course catholics made her a saint.
Load More Replies...
Maria Briggs 5 years ago
I don't have Twitter but I love reading God's tweets. They are amazing
The Hufflepuff Bookworm 5 years ago
I am happy that "God" is supporting gays and not encouraging homophobia
Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago
Where’d all the dumbfuck conservatives come from? Did the Trump rally let out early?
Maik 5 years ago
"Mother" Theresa was a stupid c**t in love with poverty who hoarded millions of dollars but spent zero in making the lives of the poor better. She denied heat, analgesics and basic care expenses to those suffering in her shelters. She was a miserable woman. Are you being deliberately ignorant?
Liz the Wanderer 5 years ago
She denied morphine to dying cancer patients because "suffering brings us closer to god". So of course catholics made her a saint.
Load More Replies... Maria Briggs 5 years ago
I don't have Twitter but I love reading God's tweets. They are amazing
You May Like 81 Funny Music Tweets To Get Your Mood In A Flow 50 Hilarious Posts From This Account Dedicated To Sharing “Men’s Humor” (New Pics) "Don't Test Me, I'm Already Broken": 30 Hilarious Memes From This Online Group For Programmers
Žydrūnė Trukanavičiūtė
Greta Jaruševičiūtė
Rugilė Žemaitytė
Related on Bored Panda
