When you see a fortune cookie, it's not the cookie you're craving; it's the fortune. I mean, there are plenty of baked desserts, but how many of them also act as a fortune teller? Or at least pretend to be it? On the other hand, is there a better fortune teller and hidden message carrier, than a tasty one? Some of these fortune cookie messages, however, are so surprising, they catch people completely off-guard. Bored Panda has compiled a list of some of the funniest phrases ever found in fortune cookies to prove that Confucius isn't behind all of them. And if you do believe in chiromancy, best leave it to professionals and not the fortune cookie sayings.

Though commonly thought to originate in China, the fortune cookie comes from the Japanese tsujiura senbei treat. Allegedly, the first fortune cookie was eaten in the US around the 1890s. Chinese had tried to import the American-popularized goodie later on, but it turned out, that the public thought it to be 'too American.'

From rude insults to questionable dares, the people who discovered these funny fortune cookies definitely had a hard time swallowing them. Scroll down to read the hilarious list!

#1

He Sat And Watched Me Eat Chinese Take-Out For Half An Hour. Then This Happened

He Sat And Watched Me Eat Chinese Take-Out For Half An Hour. Then This Happened

Lincie Report

#2

Definitely The Scariest Fortune Cookie I've Ever Gotten

Definitely The Scariest Fortune Cookie I've Ever Gotten

endrex Report

#3

Didn't Expect My Fortune Cookie To Be So Insightful

Didn't Expect My Fortune Cookie To Be So Insightful

spcbackacker Report

#4

Best Fortune I Have Ever Got In A Fortune Cookie

Best Fortune I Have Ever Got In A Fortune Cookie

Lerxtt Report

#6

My Wife And I Received Matching Fortunes At Dinner This Evening

My Wife And I Received Matching Fortunes At Dinner This Evening

Mal_Fet Report

#7

My Ironic Fortune Cookie

My Ironic Fortune Cookie

willdonnell Report

Neeraj Jha
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The humor with this fortune cookie is too damn high! xD

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#8

My Coworker Just Came Back From Sick Leave; He Had A Heart Attack. To Celebrate We Went For Chinese. These Were In His Fortune Cookie

My Coworker Just Came Back From Sick Leave; He Had A Heart Attack. To Celebrate We Went For Chinese. These Were In His Fortune Cookie

charns Report

#9

Take That Big Step

Take That Big Step

Report

#10

My Wife's And My Fortune Cookies. Hers Is On Top

My Wife's And My Fortune Cookies. Hers Is On Top

Thrupp08 Report

John L
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And since none of the 'lucky numbers' even match, it may be time for him to hire a private investigator. :D

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#11

Just When I Thought I Got A Good Fortune Cookie

Just When I Thought I Got A Good Fortune Cookie

Vladamar Report

#12

Don't Expect Much From A Cookie

Don't Expect Much From A Cookie

Report

Shruti Naik
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

'but you're yummy and you filled my tummy!'

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#13

Well Screw You Too Fortune Cookie

Well Screw You Too Fortune Cookie

WhiteY515 Report

#14

My Wife And I Also Got Some Fortune Cookies

My Wife And I Also Got Some Fortune Cookies

Rickshaw-Racer Report

John L
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In the end, they will either compliment, or kill, each other. :D

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#15

This Was In My Fortune Cookie Last Night... Should I Call Somebody Or?..

This Was In My Fortune Cookie Last Night... Should I Call Somebody Or?..

BoxyButler Report

#16

Faster Than The Bear

Faster Than The Bear

Report

John L
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Rule Number One for smart woodsman: Always carry a gun.

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#17

Two Fortunes In One Cookie - Aaaaand I'm Offended

Two Fortunes In One Cookie - Aaaaand I'm Offended

streamstroller Report

#18

When A Fortune Cookie Finally Speaks Up

When A Fortune Cookie Finally Speaks Up

tracytracetrace Report

#19

I Think This Wins The 'Worst Fortune Cookie Of All Time' Award

I Think This Wins The 'Worst Fortune Cookie Of All Time' Award

dim3tapp Report

Penny Campbell
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know. I got a fortune cookie once and there wasn't a fortune in it. Someone took pity on me and gave me another cookie and it didn't have a fortune in it either.

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#20

I Think My Fortune Cookie Just Threatened Me

I Think My Fortune Cookie Just Threatened Me

gambithero Report

Tiny Dynamine
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As in at the supermarket behind the freezer before the security guard catches you?

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#21

My 3 Year Old Nephew Asked Me To Read Him His Fortune

My 3 Year Old Nephew Asked Me To Read Him His Fortune

BWinter1985 Report

#22

The Best Fortune Cookie Fortune Ever

The Best Fortune Cookie Fortune Ever

Korzic Report

John L
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For some reason I always thought that "brevity is the soul of wit". :D

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#23

What A Tease Haha

What A Tease Haha

jyotimayy Report

John L
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To a professional thief, this could be good news. :D

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#24

How Did The Cookie Know?

How Did The Cookie Know?

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John L
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The fact that it would be made specifically for you, and arrive fresh, is well worth the extra $2.

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#25

This Fortune Cookie Is Too Real...

This Fortune Cookie Is Too Real...

thewerdy Report

#26

My 9 Year Old Daughter Got This Fortune, I'm Happy For Her

My 9 Year Old Daughter Got This Fortune, I'm Happy For Her

dinkypoopstick Report

Ethan Slusser
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I thought of an idea. Use fortune cookies to come out to people.

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#27

My Friend's Misprinted Fortune Is Kinda Dark

My Friend's Misprinted Fortune Is Kinda Dark

asiansteev Report

#28

My Fortune Cookie Has Either Seen Or Done Some Sh*t

My Fortune Cookie Has Either Seen Or Done Some Sh*t

SuperDoubleSlap Report

The Alchemist
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is anyone else thinking of the Pretty Little Liars theme?

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#29

Worst Fortune Cookie Ever

Worst Fortune Cookie Ever

northendtrooper Report

CultOfBambi
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Since it doesn't say when, it's actually 100% accurate.

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#30

My Fortune Cookie Fortune Is Strangely Distraught

My Fortune Cookie Fortune Is Strangely Distraught

ilikeoctopus Report

#31

Avoid Gambling, But Hey, These Numbers Are Lucky!

Avoid Gambling, But Hey, These Numbers Are Lucky!

Report

John L
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

None of these numbers are part of the "Fibonacci Sequence" (Golden Ratio of Beauty). Always go for good looks. ;D

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#32

I Spent 30 Minutes Trying To Get My Fortune Without Breaking The Bag Or Cookie

I Spent 30 Minutes Trying To Get My Fortune Without Breaking The Bag Or Cookie

AIDS-MACHINE Report

#33

Which One Of You Bastards Works In The Fortune Cookie Business?

Which One Of You Bastards Works In The Fortune Cookie Business?

hawkshaw Report

John L
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hey, if you are about to use as intended, please don't forget to grease the shaft.

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#34

My Friend Got Rick Rolled By A Fortune Cookie

My Friend Got Rick Rolled By A Fortune Cookie

Live_Ore_Die Report

Tiny Dynamine
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have to quickly scroll past those lyrics before I get the song stuck in my head.

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#35

Thank You Captain Obvious

Thank You Captain Obvious

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Cerys Dunbar
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

your next fortune cookie: your welcome sergeant sarcastic

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#36

Our School Fortunes Use A New Kind Of Motivation

Our School Fortunes Use A New Kind Of Motivation

olivestheapple Report

#37

Oops

Oops

lanieadcomic Report

John L
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's a chance that the bulgogi you enjoyed at the Korean restaurant, at the Winter Olympics, may have been served with Man's Best Friend. Dog-on-the...951595.jpg Dog-on-the-menu-5a85a7c951595.jpg

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#38

Pretty Sure My Fortune Cookie Is Telling Me To Masturbate...

Pretty Sure My Fortune Cookie Is Telling Me To Masturbate...

iVaulty Report

John L
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If that other 'someone' is attractive and sexy, it would be well worth the wait. :D

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#40

My Fortune Cookie Sounds Like Satan Trying To Give A Motivational Speech

My Fortune Cookie Sounds Like Satan Trying To Give A Motivational Speech

polaroidanemia Report

#41

Unusual Predictions

Unusual Predictions

Report

#42

I Think My Fortune Cookie Just Threatened Me

I Think My Fortune Cookie Just Threatened Me

lijamez Report

#43

My Pet Is Planning What?

My Pet Is Planning What?

Report

Vlad Horobet
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nonsense. My 12 foot crocodile is so well educated. Just look how he smiles and drools while he sees me.

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#44

Good To Know

Good To Know

Report

#45

The Amazingly Accurate Fortune Cookie

The Amazingly Accurate Fortune Cookie

witt19 Report

Vlad Horobet
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Actually i've stopped before the lucky numbers. Ha! *rebels away*

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#46

We Got Three Fortunes With Our Meal. I Have Now Learned All I Ever Need To Know Now In Chinese

We Got Three Fortunes With Our Meal. I Have Now Learned All I Ever Need To Know Now In Chinese

anastasiabeverhousen Report

#47

Deep

Deep

Report

#48

So I Heard You Liked Fortune Cookies (From Scotland)

So I Heard You Liked Fortune Cookies (From Scotland)

a_wild_scot_appears Report

#49

Haha Is This A Good Fortune?

Haha Is This A Good Fortune?

brelandjer Report

#50

Nice Try, Fortune Cookie

Nice Try, Fortune Cookie

CattyKid Report

See Also on Bored Panda
#51

Depends On The Muppet

Depends On The Muppet

Report

#52

Was Looking For Wisdom And Got This... Though Very Accurate, Completely Useless...

Was Looking For Wisdom And Got This... Though Very Accurate, Completely Useless...

lindacofficial Report

Alia G.
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe if you had a dog named Bubbles and you were scolding them? But who could get angry at a dog named Bubbles...

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#53

My Dads Fortune Cookie Paper Has Misaligned Print

My Dads Fortune Cookie Paper Has Misaligned Print

Jkwhjr Report

#54

My Fortune Cookie Disagreed With Itself

My Fortune Cookie Disagreed With Itself

idorocketscience Report

#55

Didn't Expect The Same Fortune In My Second Cookie

Didn't Expect The Same Fortune In My Second Cookie

ABucs260 Report

#56

Hungover As Hell, I Stumbled Into A Chinese Buffet And Ate Five Plates. Then I Get This Fortune

Hungover As Hell, I Stumbled Into A Chinese Buffet And Ate Five Plates. Then I Get This Fortune

DoctorMcTits Report

#57

My Friend And I Just Opened Fortune Cookies Together

My Friend And I Just Opened Fortune Cookies Together

zxcvb43 Report

#58

Nice Try, Fortune. Still Not Gonna Try Anal

Nice Try, Fortune. Still Not Gonna Try Anal

lorceie Report

Shruti Naik
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017