When you see a fortune cookie, it's not the cookie you're craving, it's the fortune. I mean, there are plenty of baked desserts but how many of them can reveal your future? Or the lack of it? Some of these messages, however, are so surprising, they catch people completely off-guard. Bored Panda has compiled a list of some of the funniest phrases ever found in fortune cookies to prove that Confucius isn't behind all of them.

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From rude insults to questionable dares, the people who discovered these messages definitely had a hard time swallowing them. Scroll down to read the hilarious list and upvote your favorite entries!

#1 He Sat And Watched Me Eat Chinese Take-Out For Half An Hour. Then This Happened

He Sat And Watched Me Eat Chinese Take-Out For Half An Hour. Then This Happened

Lincie Report

Final score:
276points
POST
Bunnies4Zwin 6 months ago

This is no coincidence. Give the fluffy pooch food

49points
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#2 Definitely The Scariest Fortune Cookie I've Ever Gotten

Definitely The Scariest Fortune Cookie I've Ever Gotten

endrex Report

Final score:
245points
POST
Bunnies4Zwin 6 months ago

RUN!

24points
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#3 Didn't Expect My Fortune Cookie To Be So Insightful

Didn't Expect My Fortune Cookie To Be So Insightful

spcbackacker Report

Final score:
211points
POST
Daria Zotova 6 months ago

How accurate *sigh*

21points
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#4 Best Fortune I Have Ever Got In A Fortune Cookie

Best Fortune I Have Ever Got In A Fortune Cookie

Lerxtt Report

Final score:
189points
POST
Muhammad Cisco Zulfikar 6 months ago

Free from the shell

15points
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#5 Fortune Cookie

Fortune Cookie

jedduff Report

Final score:
187points
POST
SnowyLynx 6 months ago

Wow

14points
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#6 My Wife And I Received Matching Fortunes At Dinner This Evening

My Wife And I Received Matching Fortunes At Dinner This Evening

Mal_Fet Report

Final score:
184points
POST
Shruti Naik 6 months ago

this is a lovely coincidence!

22points
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#7 My Ironic Fortune Cookie

My Ironic Fortune Cookie

willdonnell Report

Final score:
165points
POST
Neeraj Jha 6 months ago

The humor with this fortune cookie is too damn high! xD

33points
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#8 My Coworker Just Came Back From Sick Leave; He Had A Heart Attack. To Celebrate We Went For Chinese. These Were In His Fortune Cookie

My Coworker Just Came Back From Sick Leave; He Had A Heart Attack. To Celebrate We Went For Chinese. These Were In His Fortune Cookie

charns Report

Final score:
156points
POST
UniversalMel 6 months ago

Nope nope nope NOPE

51points
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#9 Take That Big Step

Take That Big Step

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Final score:
150points
POST
Terror from Beyond Space 6 months ago

Go ahead and get the complete stormtrooper costume.

39points
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#10 My Wife's And My Fortune Cookies. Hers Is On Top

My Wife's And My Fortune Cookies. Hers Is On Top

Thrupp08 Report

Final score:
144points
POST
John L 6 months ago

And since none of the 'lucky numbers' even match, it may be time for him to hire a private investigator. :D

33points
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