86 Of The Funniest Messages Found Inside Fortune Cookies

This is no coincidence. Give the fluffy pooch food

RUN!

How accurate *sigh*

Free from the shell

Wow

this is a lovely coincidence!

The humor with this fortune cookie is too damn high! xD

Nope nope nope NOPE

Go ahead and get the complete stormtrooper costume.

And since none of the 'lucky numbers' even match, it may be time for him to hire a private investigator. :D

hahahaha! This is funny!

'but you're yummy and you filled my tummy!'

that's okay! you can grow old and fat together! :)

In the end, they will either compliment, or kill, each other. :D

call somebody

Rule Number One for smart woodsman: Always carry a gun.

You may not be young! :)

Be a romantic to a fortune cookie, be the woman!

I don't know. I got a fortune cookie once and there wasn't a fortune in it. Someone took pity on me and gave me another cookie and it didn't have a fortune in it either.

As in at the supermarket behind the freezer before the security guard catches you?

Wow!

For some reason I always thought that "brevity is the soul of wit". :D

To a professional thief, this could be good news. :D

The fact that it would be made specifically for you, and arrive fresh, is well worth the extra $2.

Little nutritional value though.

I thought of an idea. Use fortune cookies to come out to people.

Me looking at my ex.

Is anyone else thinking of the Pretty Little Liars theme?

Since it doesn't say when, it's actually 100% accurate.

:(

None of these numbers are part of the "Fibonacci Sequence" (Golden Ratio of Beauty). Always go for good looks. ;D

Why?

Hey, if you are about to use as intended, please don't forget to grease the shaft.

I have to quickly scroll past those lyrics before I get the song stuck in my head.

your next fortune cookie: your welcome sergeant sarcastic

Well then...

There's a chance that the bulgogi you enjoyed at the Korean restaurant, at the Winter Olympics, may have been served with Man's Best Friend. Dog-on-the...951595.jpg

If that other 'someone' is attractive and sexy, it would be well worth the wait. :D

Honest cookie.

Okay then... (To Miranda Cosgrove: Stop being such a troll)

basically non-existent

My body before a night of drinking

Nonsense. My 12 foot crocodile is so well educated. Just look how he smiles and drools while he sees me.

Whaaaaaaaat?!

Actually i've stopped before the lucky numbers. Ha! *rebels away*

My god. ;);)

When SpongeBob writes your Fortune cookie....

Made _out_of_ me, or made to _honour_ me?!

ohh the irony!

Seirously, its true (NOT LING)

Am I a muppet? Or a man?

Maybe if you had a dog named Bubbles and you were scolding them? But who could get angry at a dog named Bubbles...

This is predicting the result of my math test.

Bored panda opened a chinese restaurant.

*not prepared*

His shirt! Ha I love it!!!!

You will start a band. ♥

fortune cookies. Always distributing useful information!

lmao

My question was how long will it take before I can afford a car?

Scientifically it is stationery as darkness contains neither particles nor waves, as light does. Discuss. ;)

Magic 8 Ball is all "Come at me, bro!"

...Sometimes, tough love is needed...

nice try.

but don't look behind you

I didn't know blessed was a synonym for fu....d.

Geez! I could come up with better fortunes than that!

Check with Rose first.

You are actually one in 7 billion, like everyone else.

Interesting....

No One then?

it will be a surprise especially if you're a guy

Goddamn autocorrect

Jar jar bing!

Nice gravity defying hair

Hang on that's a history cookie.

*It's

I think they're included in the price.

Welcome to Alabama