Whether you believe in the supernatural, magic, and all things spooky or not, Halloween is just around the corner, which means they are all automatically real. So equip yourself with every spooky accessory possible to have fun and get the most out of the season.
People in older times were big on curses. They were believed to be the most practical way to get rid of your enemies. Have a rival? Send them some cursed food. An educated rival? There was no shortage of cursed books in medieval times. These were particularly interesting because even though in most cases you needed the help of a professional witch to create a cursed item, it was widely believed that a cursed text was the work of the dark forces themselves to keep humans away from their secrets.
Of course, we don’t want to hurt anyone, Halloween or not. But to keep the spirit of the season, you might want to practice some fun curses, especially if you are planning to turn into a witch for Halloween. How about “I hope you stub your toe!” for starters? If you are going to attend a party, prepare some “cursed images”: photos of cute puppies and kitties the recipient has to keep on their desk at all times to avoid terrible consequences.
We have collected some funny curses to put on someone on Halloween night. You may even want to carry some of them over to your daily life. When anyone annoys you, instead of being mean to them, you will always have fun curses to say in a sinister tone to make them stop. Can you come up with more funny curses?
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May your chair produce a sound similar to a fart, but only once, such that you cannot reproduce it to prove that it was just the chair.
May you never be able to find that one song that you liked ever again.
May you always get up from your computer with your headphones still attached.
May the audio be slightly off sync from the video you are trying to watch.
May your sleeves always fall down when washing your hands.
May everything you buy go on sale the next day.
A lot of stores will refund the difference if you show them your receipt within a certain amount of time. But I guess it's the hassle that is the curse.
May every time you drink orange juice your mouth be fresh with the taste of mint.
May you try to use a pen on a paper and it will not work, and then you'll test it on the corner of the paper and it will work, and then you'll try to use it and it will again not work.
May you never find the hair that is stuck on your tongue.
May you never fulfill your password requirements.
May your life be as pleasant as you are.
May autocorrect remember all your typos.
May both sides of your pillow be warm.
May you always step in a wet spot after putting on fresh socks.
Particularly cat pee or puke (edit: spelling mistake)
May your sarcasm be underappreciated and misunderstood.
May your five year old neighbor have their violin lesson during all of your hangovers.
May your sushi always break and fall into the soy sauce cup.
May all of your sneezes stop just before you actually sneeze.
May someone give your child a tuba as a birthday present.
May your coffee always be cold, and your beer always warm.
May your subtitles never sync right.
May you never be able to find the sweet spot between hot and cold when you shower.
May your children be just like you.
May the chocolate chips in your cookies always turn out to be raisins.
May you live an extra long life filled with extra long legs, extra cold nights and extra short blankets.
May all your tinder matches be bots.
May the celebrity that you named your child after become involved in a disgraceful scandal that destroys their reputation forever.
May you read through most of a book before realizing it's the third book of a trilogy.
May you always be the first person to arrive at every social event.
May your cat learn how to open doors.
Both my German Shepard and my kitten have learned how to open doors. It’s fun to have them stroll into the house after letting all of the chickens in
May you always find things slightly after they would have been most useful.
May the batteries you find always be AAA when in need of AA.
May you always spot a comment you'd like to read immediately after hitting the back button.
May the earbud in your left ear never fit as perfect as the earbud in your right.
May your butter always be cold and unspreadable.
May you always forget the punchline of a joke after you start telling it.
Everyday. Sometimes I forget what I am talking about in the middle of my own sentence, so I keep talking thinking I will remember what it is I was talking about...I blather on until someone who knows me well enough says "You forgot what you were talking about, didn't you?" And yes. Yes I did.
May your freezer be packed full of food just good enough that you don't want to throw it out but bad enough that you don't want to eat it at any specific time.
May every time you offer help just to be nice, the person accepts and you actually have to help.
May your trash bags always leak when taking them outside.
And your cat lick it up so that they can puke it on your shoes along with a hair ball
May a drop of milk always run down your chin whenever you take a spoonful of cereal.
May your ads be loaded, but your videos won’t.
A Jewish curse: May all of your teeth fall out, except one, so you can have toothache.
May you be forced to sit through a long presentation where all that the presenter does is read the slides word for word.
Did you sit through my last training at work with that lady whose voice was so annoying that my head was pounding after 10 minutes too???? I swear I was reaching for my gun to end my misery.
May all your child's artwork be covered with glitter.
Jokes on you, I support my kids art wether it is covered in glitter or not. Fyi, outdoor paint is worse to get out of a carpet than glitter.
May someone say "hi" while looking in your direction and you respond "hi" back before realizing that they were actually talking to the person behind you.
May a single grain of sand appear under every screen protector you apply.
May a single grain of sand appear in every bedsheet you sleep on, and between your toes when you take off your socks.
May you always feel like a spiderweb is touching your face.
May your spoon always slip and sink under the hot soup you eat.
May you always stub your toe when you're in a bad mood.
May your journey from bed to bathroom be filled with Lego.
May every "empty" parking space you see in the distance actually contain a motorcycle.
May your tea be too hot when you receive it, and too cold by the time you remember it's there.
May you always hit Caps Lock instead of the 'a' key.
May you always drop something slightly out of your reach whenever you get comfy.
May your favorite book be made into a movie and the characters are nothing like you imagined them.
May you be gifted the ability to predict the future, but cursed in that nobody ever believes anything you say.
May you never be able to find the eyelash that is scratching your eyeball.
May 'Barbie Girl' forever loops in your mind.
May all of your belts be too tight when you sit down, yet too loose when you stand up.
May you win the lottery and lose the ticket.
May you never be able to immediately tell whether your drying clothes are slightly damp or just cold.
May you always cut you fingernails a bit too short. Not enough to bleed, just enough to hurt when you try to do stuff later.
May your hairline recede one millimeter for every hour I spend getting over you.
May every website you visit ask you to download an app.
May your true love hang the toilet paper backwards.
May every minute you spend in the shower count as six minutes in the rest of the world.
I am fine with that. Then when I get out of the shower maybe the s**t that was supposed to already done be at least halfway done.
May you always wake before your alarm at that point in time too early to get up, but too late to fall back asleep.
May you always delete the file above the one you were aiming for.
May you always put in your USB in the wrong way, then you flip it over, and the first way was the right way all along.
May you always get water down in your ear when you take a shower so you have to tilt your head sideways and smack the other side to get it out.
Seriously, put in a drop of rubbing alcohol, tilt to let it run in, wait for the weird rumbling noise, then tip your head and let it drain. Thank you to Tim in college, a SCUBA diver.
May your fitted sheet be put on wrong and when you turn it ninety degrees, it still be wrong.
May people always greet you with a sweaty handshake.
May every meal you order at a restaurant be slightly incorrect so that you'll recognize an error has been made but may the error be so small that you can't justify sending it back.
May you always leave your phone charging before sleeping and wake up to see it wasn't connected.
May you accidentally hit a keyboard short-cut you don't know how to switch back.
May you suddenly realize that the voice in your head will never change volume, even when you try to scream or whisper.
May every math problem you try to solve be incorrect because you forgot one negative sign.
May you always forget why you entered a room once you pass through the doorway.
I've been doing this for the past 10 years and I'm only 44, nothing scares me any longer. I'll remember what it was just as soon as I go back to the recliner and get comfy again. 🙄🤣
May your paranoia be valid.
May you always have a popcorn kernel shell stuck in your back teeth.
May your article load that little extra bit as you're about to click a link so you click an ad instead.
May people on the Internet make bad arguments supporting positions you agree with.
May you get a mosquito bite on a severe sunburn in a spot on your back that you can't reach.
May your dishwasher always leave a fine silty layer of food particles on your dishes.
May the cup holders in your car forever be too small for anything you try to put in them.
May you always forget your headphones just before leaving your house.
May you have a stuffy nose whenever you try to sleep.
May you smell cat pee and not be able to find it.
May the conversation always move on before you can share the interesting relevant trivial fact you know.
May you love peanuts, only to be told that you are deathly allergic to peanuts, and then at the age of 93, be told that in fact, you were not allergic to peanuts after all.
May the movie you downloaded online have hardcoded Chinese subtitles, and you don't immediately notice because there is no dialogue in the first 10 minutes.
May you be able to hear your dog's thoughts, but only while you're at work.
May your microwave always beep right before you try to stop it in the middle of the night.
May you forever be paired with a co-worker who responds to everything you say with "Okie-Dokie Smokey!"
May your stomach gurgle loudly each and every time there is an awkward silence between you and someone it is integral that you impress.
May you be perfectly healthy but develop an irresistible urge to cough the moment any stranger ventures close.
May an unskippable ad always play when you want to share a video with someone.
May you live in a palace with ten thousand rooms, and may you forget where you left your car keys.
May your cat always start loudly digging in the litter box right when you lay down in bed for the night.
May you often walk into a room where everyone is laughing, but no one will tell you why.
May my horrible neighbors move in next door to you.
I have told neighbors on the day they were moving, "I hope your new neighbors are >exactly< like you."
May your mother come to talk to you, and then leave your door slightly ajar, so that you have to get up and close it.
May you be locked in a room full of people who like to use words such as "yummy", "hubby", and "veggies".
May you always stutter your words whenever someone casually passes by and asks how you're doing.
That's really mean... Folks, remember it's YOUR Karma that gets affected by your words and intentions, too!
May you never, no matter what clothes you wear, get rid of that uncomfortable bunched-up feeling you get when you initially put a shirt on over another shirt.
May every shoe you wear have a single rock, pine needle, or sticker seed in it but you won't feel it util you have left the house.
May you always open the front facing camera revealing an unflattering double chin.
May the annoying "Listening at loud volumes may damage your hearing" message pop up every single time you turn the volume up.
May your zipper get stuck so you have to remove your jacket by pulling it over your head and it pulls your shirt up with it.
May your pet never forgive you for stepping on its paw.
May you blink manually after reading this.
May you be transformed into a chandelier, so you can hang by day and burn by night.
Folks, remember it's YOUR Karma that gets affected by your words and intentions, too!
May your horn get stuck on while you're passing an outlaw biker gang. Whenever you drive on a two-lane highway, may you find yourself behind a poke who floors it when you try to pass.
My go-to curse(for some strange reason): May a thousand screeching cats fall onto your head.
May your horn get stuck on while you're passing an outlaw biker gang. Whenever you drive on a two-lane highway, may you find yourself behind a poke who floors it when you try to pass.
My go-to curse(for some strange reason): May a thousand screeching cats fall onto your head.
