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Dry humor jokes are not everyone’s cup of tea. They might sound stale and cringe to many, but if you have that specific sense of humor, there’s nothing better to mix in some dry humor into your daily jokes playlist.
One might also wonder, is dry humor attractive? Well, that’s the same as with the jokes itself. It all depends on the taste. If you have a dry sense of humor, there’s nothing better for the person in the same boat.
It’s hard to describe their nature without having any dry humor examples at hand, but we feel like the contents of this list will do just fine. From Batman discussing his preoccupation with a vengeance with his therapist to people advising against eating a clock (as it can be quite time-consuming), dry jokes of all kinds are gathered here.
Some will make your eyes roll, some should make you think for a bit, and some even carry an uncanny resemblance to their better-loved cousin—dad jokes, yet, all are dry as hell. And be careful not to break your finger while scrolling! On the other hand, we think you might be OK. No, but seriously, be careful.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
The Ultimate Delivery Mystery
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
I'll let you know.
Headless Roach 2 years ago
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the courier threw the box to the neighbours. I'll see myself out.
RELATED:
#2
Who Knew Towels Could Betray You?
What is the leading cause of dry skin? Towels.
#3
Well, That Hurt More Than Expected
I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay.
#4
Too socially anxious for \"just smiles\"
I asked what I should bring to the party.
The hosts said, “Nothing, just bring a happy face.”
I had to cancel.
Henry Russell 2 years ago
why do they ask so much of us. i just wanna go into a party , eat the food, sing ( and sometimes dance) badly and then leave
#5
Taking “Good Day” Literally
My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.
#6
When therapy turns into a plot twist
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
#7
Take It or Leave It
I can't stand kleptomaniacs. They take things literally.
Couragetcd 2 years ago (edited)
Are more annoying than pedantics? They take everything figuratively as far as they can.
#8
Surprising Skills Gap Alert
Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.
#9
Budget realities hitting different
Me: I’d like to travel. My bank account: To work?
#10
Forever close, never touching
Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
#11
The Real MVPs of Smiles
Do you want to know what always makes me smile?
Face muscles.
Couragetcd 2 years ago (edited)
Reminds me of a famous quote: It takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to SLAP THE B***H THAT MADE YOU FROWN!
#13
Well, that escalated quickly
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
#14
Space issues hit different
Did you hear the story about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed some space.
Headless Roach 2 years ago
🎶 For here / Am I sitting in a tin can / Far above the world / Planet Earth is blue / And there's nothing I can do 🎶
#15
Leftovers or wrestling? Same energy.
Do you wanna box for your leftovers? No, but I’ll wrestle you for them.
#16
Classic Dad Joke Energy
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
#17
Math: The Only Reliable Friend
What’s the one thing in life you can actually always count on?
A calculator.
Couragetcd 2 years ago
I was going to say your fingers, but if you're not a very good carpenter...or cook...or lumberjack...there are lots of ways I can be wrong on this.
#18
Caught red-handed or just buffering?
If you see a crime at an Apple store, are you an iWitness?
#19
Santa’s sleigh is the ultimate freebie
How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh? Nothing, it’s on the house.
Henry Russell 2 years ago
wait so if i set up a ramp near a building with parking fees then i just need to amke it on the roof to not pay any money
#20
Prehistoric punchlines hit different
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Chickens hadn’t evolved yet.
TheAmazingFlyingFish 2 years ago
First came the dino Then came the chicken Then the chicken got turned into dino nuggies It's a full circle.
#21
Plot twist: Not all candy is sweet
What is red and extremely bad for your teeth? A flying brick.
#22
When Your Green Thumb Is a Brown Thumb
Roses are dead, violets are dead. I am a bad gardener.
Samsquatch 2 years ago
The roses are dead, the violets are too, I’m not a bad gardener, the bad gardener is you.
#24
Asked and answered, thanks anyway
Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
#25
That moment when geography trolls you hard
Two men meet on opposite sides of a river. One shouts to the other, ‘I need you to help me get to the other side!’ The other guy replies, ‘You’re on the other side!
#26
Brutally Honest Therapy Advice
I told my physical therapist that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
#27
Wait, who made fractions this complicated?
5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.
#28
Plot twist: Toaster ≠ Submarine
I was shocked when I found out my toaster wasn’t waterproof.
#29
Chemistry Humor That’s Too Low-Key
I have a joke about chemistry, but I don’t think it will get a reaction.
#30
Words Matter More Than You Think
You know what they say? Words.
#31
Time’s up for bad jokes
Why should you never eat a clock?
It’s too time-consuming.
#32
Drumroll, Please!
What did the drummer name her twin daughters? Anna One, Anna Two.
#33
Peak selfie energy right there
People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.
#34
Plot twist, but make it brutal
A patient told the surgeon he couldn’t feel his legs. The surgeon replied, "I know. I amputated your arms."
#35
Don’t Underestimate Grandma’s Wild Side
My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
#36
Lost in Translation, Literally
What did one Frenchman say to the other Frenchman? How on Earth would I know? I don’t speak French.
#37
Lawyers Gone Swimming (Not Surviving)
What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.
#38
Wait, so it’s like two jackets in one?
I'm going to try on my new reversible jacket after work today. I can't wait to see how it turns out.
#39
That’s some heavyweight wordplay right there
Is there a difference between a hippo and a zippo? A hippo’s really heavy and a zippo’s a little lighter.
#40
Plot twist: Toilet paper’s got goals
The toilet paper rolled downhill for what reason? To get to the bottom.
#41
Pun intended, and I’m here for it
I call my horse Mayo…
and sometimes Mayo neighs.
#42
When your fix wastes the fix
I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.
#43
Prime mates, no returns needed
What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? Prime mates.
#44
Certified Squirrel Whisperer
How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.
#45
Classic dad joke energy
What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
#46
Unexpected plot twist incoming
Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.
#47
Classic dad joke energy
Why did the old man fall into the well?
Because he couldn’t see that well.
#48
Spinning Tunes Only
Two windmills are standing on a wind farm. One asks, "What’s your favorite type of music?" The other says, "I’m a big metal fan."
#49
This Book’s Got Me Floored
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
#50
Elevator Jokes That Lift Spirits
Why are elevator jokes so classic? They work on many levels.
#51
Desperate times call for apple throws
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
#53
Gatekeeping the afterlife, apparently
Why are there fences around cemeteries?
Everyone’s always dying to get in.
#54
The Answer Is... Wait, What?
What do you get when you combine a rhetorical question and a joke?
#55
Lost but definitely right where I want to be
My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
#56
Guess my piano skills took a detour
I used to be able to play the piano by ear, but now I have to use my hands.
#58
Nose Picking: Nature or Nurture?
You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.
#59
Guess enlightened pizza comes with extra toppings
"The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop and says, 'Can you make me one with everything?'"
#60
Plot twist: paint smells the same
Can you tell me what’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.
#61
Not the sharpest tool in the shed
What do you call a pencil sharpener that can’t sharpen pencils? Broken.
#62
Accidentally Eating Awake, Somehow
How do I eat consciously? You try not to lose consciousness when eating.
#63
Croaking up some sole style
Frogs wear what kind of shoes?
Open toad sandals.
#64
Too Punny to Resist
When french fries meet after a long time, what do they do? They ketchup.
#65
Plot twist: the joke’s the sentence
How do you describe a joke that isn’t funny? A sentence.
#66
Plot twist: juice really *did* concentrate
I once got fired from a canned juice company. Apparently, I couldn’t concentrate.
#67
When synonyms betray you
I have the world's worst thesaurus.
Not only is it terrible, it's also terrible.
#68
When Your Dog Prefers Raw Therapy
A man limps to the doctor’s office and gasps, "Doctor, I was bitten by my dog." The doctor checks, "Did you put anything on it?" "No, he seemed to be enjoying the taste without any condiments."
#69
Problem solved, no negotiations needed
How do you get someone to stop swinging on the tire swing? Snip the rope.
#70
Starch Overload: The Real Potato Problem
Why did Mr. Potato Head’s dry cleaning service go out of business? He always used too much starch.
#71
Fashion advice from the real MVP
My dog is an awesome fashion adviser. Every time I ask him what I look like in my clothes, he says, "WOW!"
#72
Balance goals, but make it pink
Why do flamingos stand on one leg?
If they tried lifting the other one, they’d fall over.
#73
Guess They’re Just Shellfish
How come oysters don’t donate to charity? They’re shellfish.
#74
“Speedruns but make it spendy”
Shopping mall wife’s average speed: $200 per hour.
Apatheist Account2 2 years ago
When you've seen one big shopping centre, you've seen the mall...
#75
Guess I’m Comedy’s Parched Cousin
They say women get turned on by guys who are funny. Well, if that’s true, I must have a very dry sense of humor.
#77
Plot twist: It was never working anyway
I threw away my can opener. It was more of a can’t opener.
#78
Well, That Took a Turn
Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to hit you. That’s the punchline.
#79
Medieval overcrowding, but make it funny
You know why they called it "the dark ages?" There were too many knights.
#80
Plot Twist: Instant ER Visit
What’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road!
#81
When Fish Take the Wheel
Three fish are in a tank. One asked the others, "How the heck do you drive this thing?"
Nancy Lynch 2 years ago (edited)
Two fish are swimming in a lake when they hit a wall of concrete. "Dam", said one fish.
#82
When you’re all about that minimal effort life
Cashier: "Would you like the milk in a bag, sir?" Me: "No, just leave it in the carton!"
#83
Plot twist: Still working overtime
What is written on a dentist’s grave? He’s filling his last cavity.
#84
This joke’s got sole
Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?
10,000 soles were lost.
#85
Buttering Up Secrets, Who Knew?
Have you heard about the butter rumor? Never mind, I shouldn’t be spreading it.
Couragetcd 2 years ago
Betty Botter bought some butter, but the butter, it was bitter. If she put it in her batter, it would make her batter bitter, but a bit of better butter, that would make her batter better.
#86
Math skills: not everyone\'s cup of tea
There are three types of people in the world: Those who can count and those who can’t.
#87
This Joke Won’t Hatch Twice
Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they’d be chicken sedans.
A Really Bored Panda 2 years ago
This doesn’t make any sense. A 2 door car is a coupé. Because of the accent you pronounce the e.
#88
Wasn’t expecting skincare advice here
What do you do if your eyes are dry?
Moisturize.
#90
Winter mood swings, but make it snow
What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? A meltdown.
#91
Cornering the conversation like a pro
What did one wall say to the other? I’ll meet you at the corner.
#92
Classic dad joke energy
"There are two men in a boat, they have three cigarettes but no matches. How do they light up? They throw one cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter."
#93
Awkward silences, but make it existential
What did one stranger say to the other? Nothing. They didn’t know each other.
#95
Death always brings killer pillows
Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. ...Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
#96
That cake’s got commitment issues
Did you hear about the beautiful wedding?
Even the cake was in tiers.
#97
Dad-level preparedness, unlocked
Why do dads take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing? In case they get a hole-in-one.
#99
Wait, I actually laughed at a veggie joke
"What is orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot."
#101
Knot Your Average CEO
The most corrupt CEOs are the ones who run pretzel companies. They’re always so twisted.
#102
Plot Twist: Walking Isn’t the Only Option
I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
#103
Wait, Greece Made French Fries?
Did you know the first French fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece!
#104
Plot twist: Pigs are just undercover climbers
What makes pigs never appear in trees?
Because they’re pretty good at it.
#107
Wait, pancakes have a monkey problem?
What do monkey and pancake batter have in common? They both love bananas.
#108
Classic baked-in humor
Two muffins are in an oven.
One says to the other: Dang, it’s hot in here.
The other replies: Yeah, probably like 350 degrees.
What do you think ?
Apatheist Account2 2 years ago
There's some Stewart Francis in there too.
Load More Replies...
Apatheist Account2 2 years ago
There's some Stewart Francis in there too.
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