What is dead shall never die, and since a written word was never alive, then that means it has the potential to live forever. And you know what kind of written word might just have the best aging potential? Yes, you are absolutely right, for it is puns! But what if those clever puns are about death? For sure, it’s a double whammy of eternal living! So, here we are with our list that has no expiration date, being full of only the best death puns.
Surely, death puns, as a topic, might sound quite grim, but trust us that fun always has a way to sneak right in, even in inherently morbid topics. After all, we are all going to die, so why not meet the scythe with a smile and greet it with a silly pun. That might just up your life expectancy; who knows.
But, that’s probably enough to ponder, so let’s just go and wonder at our collection of the best dark puns that we’ve sourced from all over the internet. And you won’t need to scroll down six feet under to find them, for they are just about six pixels down. The commodity! Once you are there, do not forget to vote for the best death jokes, and, uhm, share this article with your friends?
At the boss’ funeral, a disgruntled employee kneeled next to the coffin and whispered, “Who’s thinking outside the box now, Gary?”
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I hate going to funerals because I’m not a mourning person.
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Pun enters a room and kills 10 people. Pun in, ten dead.
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My music partner died while we were writing a new song. I guess he's now decomposing.
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Autopsies are a dying practice.
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A will is a dead giveaway.
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The only thing worse than “checking in” at a funeral is tagging the person in the coffin.
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Never challenge Death to a pillow fight! Unless you are ready to handle the reaper cushions.
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What’s a corpse’s favorite currency? Cryptocurrency.
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A cartoonist was found dead in his home. The details are sketchy.
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Why do ghosts ride the elevator? To lift their spirits.
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Corpses aren’t very funny—they’re dead serious.
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The mortician still takes classes, wanting to further her dead-ucation.
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Being a funeral director is a dying profession.
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The Bourbonic Plague is probably the most likely Black Death version that would hit any person with alcoholic abuse.
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Let’s put the fun back in funeral.
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Thanks to our funeral director for being the last person to let us down.
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As an orchard grower, he enjoyed a fruitful life.
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What does a liar do after he dies? He lies still!
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The story was about a funeral, but the plot had holes in it.
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I was driving along Cemetery Road when I came upon a Dead End sign.
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I made a grave mistake. But I was able to dig myself out of it.
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The Grim Reaper and I used to share sweeping duties. I had a brush with Death.
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Cremation is my last hope for a smoking body.
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The crematorium has to urn our business.
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When two zombies kissed, it was the kiss of death.
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A photographer got lost in a snowstorm and died from overexposure to the elements.
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It remains to be seen if it's an open casket.
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He was dying to participate in a green funeral, he just didn't realize it would be his.
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Walking through the cemetery at night can put you in grave danger.
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The sign at the cemetery states, "Do Not Pass."
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A professional skier will never die. They just go downhill.
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What do you call a coffee shop that used to be funeral directors? A decoffinated cafe!
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What’s it called when you tickle a man to death by accident? Manslaughter!
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He was dying to get into the funeral business.
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What do you call a funeral ship? A sea hearse.
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Speaking badly of the dead is a grave mistake.
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What are ghosts’ favorite streets? Dead ends.
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Gravediggers often have trouble with coughin'.
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He always had grave doubts about cemeteries.
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How did Superman’s enemies do him in? They put him in his crypt tonite!
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Let’s party like a mortician and grab a cold one.
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Get well soon because headstones are expensive!
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My skeleton puns are very humerus.
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Exhuming a corpse is very undignified behavior.
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At my funeral, I want a lot of flowers. It’s on my bouquet list.
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Auctioning a corpse? Now that’s morbid!
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The news reporter's demise was an associated death.
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I guess she finally urned her place in the family.
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Dad always thought the last thing he needed was a burial plot. He was right.
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The grave digger's name was, ironically, Doug Grave.
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What do you call a death sentence gone wrong? Good concept, bad execution!
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This funeral is a grave affair.
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My autocorrect just died, rest in piece.
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The urn filled with her ashes confirmed she was smokin' hot.
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I suspected he was sick, and it was a dead giveaway when he signed his will.
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He used to ring the church bell, now he's a dead ringer.
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The priest perished in the church fire.
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Planning his funeral was a big undertaking.
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I got lost going to a funeral and went straight through the intersection, forgetting to take the last right.
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I thought the viewing was last night, but when I got there, the place was dead.
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I'm dying to hear back about my resume with the funeral home.
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It was a grave mistake when Mr. Jones was buried alive.
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Twin monks who ring the church bells have died. They are now dead ringers.
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Today I passed my exams to be a funeral director! Shame it’s a dying trade.
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I’m not a mourning person, so we need to schedule the funeral for the afternoon.
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The grave digger spent many hours practicing his craft because he was so dead-icated.
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Anyone buried in a cemetery becomes a new dead-dition to the graveyard club.
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She did this for her own dead-ification.
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What kind of flowers were planted in the Swiss cemetery? Dead-elweiss.
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In case you make any haste on decapitation, you will be getting a head of your own.
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There are lots of old individuals in the church because they are all packing for the final.
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His humor was a little dark. His humor was too GRAVE for me. Now it's just TOMB much.
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Why are there so many old people in Church? They’re cramming for the final!
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Confucius says men drunk in the cemetery make grave mistakes.
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After seeing an ad for burial plots, I thought this was the last thing I needed.
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Did you hear the news about the graveyard? There are people dying to get in there.
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What’s the difference between a corpse and a shirt? One’s a casualty and the other is a casual tee.
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Even though your partner died, they’ll always be your boo.
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Getting to see the other side takes spirit.
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She discovered the young widow has mourning sickness.
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The cheap casket was a dead giveaway that I won it at a raffle.
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When I was at the funeral home, I saw a man coughin'.
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I just read the obituary for Hesra Maines.
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Funeral prices have skyrocketed due to the cost of living.
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The funeral hairstylist had a real brush with death.
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I have grave reservations about buying a funeral plot.
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When I walked through the cemetery, I came upon a grave robin.
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Sherlock Holmes solved the case of the missing corpse using dead-uction.
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The funeral home’s tax accountant is great a finding tax dead-uctions.
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It’s partially dead and partially undead. I loved the die-chotomy.
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It is a serious mistake to speak badly of the people who have died.
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A mortician’s job will be to make you feel as though you are dead gorgeous.
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While walking into the funeral house the ghoul asked whether your corpse is tender.
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Some animals consider owls to be symbols of death? Especially mice!
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Dead batteries - free of charge.
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What did the ghoul say when he walked into the funeral home? Is your corpse tender here?
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If you rush a decapitation, you’ll get a head of yourself.
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Is Dr. Jack Kevorkian really a dieabetic?
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If you live each day as though it were your last, then one fated day it will be.
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I sent in my resume to the funeral home since I'm hoping to get in on the ground level.
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The funeral dress she wore was a graveyard shift.
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A Grave digger always has one foot in the grave.
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It was a grave error when the man was buried in the wrong plot.
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I came across an advertisement for burial plots, and it occurred to me that it was the last thing I needed.
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The Underworld Newspaper contained too many typos, so they had to hire a new deaditor.
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Have you heard the news regarding the graybeard? You will come across individuals who are dying to enter there.
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Let us party just like a mortician and get hold of a cold one.
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Want to contact the spirit of a dead Italian? Use a Luigi board.
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A Japanese man once tried to fake his own death. His family didn't bereave him.
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I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death. The police are treating it as a hummuside.
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What happens when you listen to a Death song 1,000 times? It becomes a Megadeth song.
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She always was known for her killer puns.
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Corpses are lived about being dead.
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Where are dead computer hackers buried? In decrypt.
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Is it possible to be bored to death? That all depends on the drill.
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What would the victim of plague say when his or her skin turned black? “I feel like I have dyed a little bit inside.
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The job that you die for often comes with a killer boss.
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What's your favorite movie about dead people? The Departed.
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“Doctor how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?” “All my autopsies are performed on dead people!”
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Do you hear about the man who died skydiving? He was having a lot of fun and believed that deploying the parachute could be a total drag.
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The family of chemists would barium them when they die.
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A sign at the cemetery reads: “Do not pass, anyone who violates would face a grave charge.”
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My father expired when we were not able to remember his blood type. While dying, he insisted us to “be positive” although it is quite hard for us to be without him.
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What do you call a dead author? A ghostwriter.
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What does a dead person do to lose weight? He goes on a DIE-et!
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I took my grandma to one of those fish spas where the fish eat all your dead skin. So much cheaper than burying her in the cemetery.
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A man is found dead in the desert. The cause of death appeared to be dehydration. The police go to his mother's house. "Ma'am you son dried".
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I think the front of my foot has gone dead-asleep. Now they are a bunch of coma-toes.
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At the funeral of my friend, I tried to think of a pun to commemorate him. However, I decided not to do it because that could be a grave mistake.
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All of us want to live life to the fullest. Thus, do not be afraid when it is time for the death’s turn.
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Forming a cul-de-sac could be a relatively dead-end job.
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Thousands of people die from vacuum-related accidents each year. That really sucks!
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