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For us (and by that, I mean “for me”), the title of Emperor of Humorkind is held by none other than dad jokes. Whether you love ‘em or you hate ‘em, you can’t deny that this form of funny humor is amusing.
Luckily for us, there seems to be a near-endless supply of these bad jokes. Uhm, I mean best jokes. That’s why we’re glad to have found the Dad Jokes Instagram account that regularly posts... [drum roll]... yup, you guessed it—new and original dad jokes!
Our humor expert, Pandas, picked out some of the very best dad jokes, all to make your week that much happier. (Not to mention that you’ll now have some funny jokes to share at the coffee machine at school or at work.)
Don’t forget to upvote the dad jokes you enjoyed, and be sure to share your personal favorites that you’ve heard in your daily lives in the comments below.
More info: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | Amazon
This post may include affiliate links.
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#3
Cindy Snow 5 years ago
Thats not dark. Dark is, " we were so poor my parents had to have a baby every year cause they couldn't afford a Thanksgiving turkey".
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Kathy Baylis 5 years ago
Back in the day, when jokers encountered a couple with a large number of children, they’d invariably ask them if they had any other hobbies. Guess this is the modern variation of that joke.
weatherwitch 5 years ago
And those of us over 40 remember this joke used to refer to television instead 😂😂
Dad Jokes has a humongous presence on the net: more than 1.7 _million_ people follow the account on Instagram. While another 776.5k fans follow the Facebook page and 144.3k people support the Twitter page.
And they told me that funny dad jokes have no future, that they wouldn’t provide any career prospects! Bah! With the number of cheesy puns I crack every day, I could’ve been a millionaire by now! But no worries—I’ll just continue to [ahem] brighten up my friends’ day by telling the worst jokes I know at lunch. With renewed enthusiasm. Lucky them!
For better or for worse, dad jokes aren’t going anywhere. Robert McPherson writes on The Bison that they will always be around as long as dads still have their unique sense of humor: their goofiness will persist, no matter what.
#4
CbusResident 5 years ago
That's not cheesy, that's hilarious! Rodney Dangerfield used to do ones like this on The Tonight Show. 'My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.'
#5
FurryManiac 5 years ago
I am totally sharing this with some of my friends who work at Microsoft!
#6
IT'S THE SWEET ONE 5 years ago
The question that's been keeping us awake at night for decades.... finally solved. The chicken and the egg-watch on Amazon TV whenever his package arrives
Meanwhile, The Telegraph explains that these kinds of simplistic, corny, and punny jokes are, in fact, not as silly as you might think.
According to Professor Sam Shuster from Norwich University Hospital, testosterone makes male humor more aggressive in its tone. “Fatherhood, however, has adverse effects on testosterone levels. Expectant and new fathers can see their levels of the hormone drop—almost on a par with their bank balance—once there’s another mouth to feed,” Rob Kemp writes in The Telegraph.
#7
Jonathan Rhoades 5 years ago
if i ever said that to my mom she would not hesitate to smack me through a wall
PeachPossum 5 years ago
Teacher: At your age, I could name all the presidents, and in order too. Pupil: Yes, but there were only three or four of them then!
#8
Bob Beltcher 5 years ago
My wife insist she want all her exboyfriends to carry her casket so they can all let her down on last time. She's petty to the max.
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Bob Connely 5 years ago
And at the end of my Memorial Service, the organist is gonna play about three stanzas of "Pop Goes the Weasel" immediately after my casket is closed for the final time.
K.Kobayashi 5 years ago
Caitlin Doughty explained in one of her books why this won't work. I think it was "Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs?".
Ralph Spooner 5 years ago
You might swallow the kernels whole, but you will break you teeth if you try to chew them up. BUT, that is an interesting thought. BUT, if I am not mistaken, even in cremation, the stomach contents have been emptied.
Becca Gizmo the Squirrel 5 years ago
Or if he got buried would corn stalks grow?
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#9
Cindy Snow 5 years ago
I kent my blind friend my cheese grater. He said, & thats the most violent book ive ever read!! "
Dad jokes are harmless, linguistically developed, and encourage children to play around with words. Which is great for everyone involved. What’s more, they’re a coping mechanism for dads who have to watch as their tiny munchkins grow up into moody teenagers. In other words, dad jokes help dads remember the good old days when they could make their kids giggle with a silly pun.
That’s why I think we need accounts like Dad Jokes. To remind us of a simpler time when it didn’t take something complex and deep to bring a smile to our faces.
#10
IT'S THE SWEET ONE 5 years ago
the worst kind of torture. listening to someone's political opinions
Full Name 5 years ago (edited)
I suggest you stay off the internet then ;-P.
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Audrey Bob-The-Builder 5 years ago
That is the worst kind of torture. Being with people and talking to them...
Vito Nájera 5 years ago
It is better to keep your mouth shut and look stupid, than to open it and clear doubts
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Azfer William 5 years ago
What’s the joke? I’ve reread this over 2 centuries and I still don’t get it.
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Sasy 5 years ago
I came back from the US with a Harvard tshirt, loved Boston, was wearing it at the hospital visiting someone. Doctor says "did you go there" I said yes, he smiles and walks away on rounds, it took me a few to realise he meant attend the University, not fall in love with the place and shop the co-op.
#16
Koeri Svrcek 5 years ago
this is funny. but as a twin, make i please with you to never ever do this
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Grace Marraffa 5 years ago
I was confused at first, but then i got it and laughed out loud at the image in my mind
Jeff Diamond 5 years ago
I once used my toddler to wipe up water he spilled. In front of my wife. She wasn't surprised.
#19
So_Long_And_Thanks_For_All_The_Fish 5 years ago
You c?... I think that's what you meant...
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#21
Cindy Snow 5 years ago
My doctor told me im color blind at age 35. Well that came out of the purple!
#22
Lisa Kwasnjuk 5 years ago
It is never the right time to do that. You should give this a second thought...
Sergio Bicerra Descalzi 5 years ago
Kindda related, when Jon Snow was killed, the kept saying "For the (Night) Watch" and my friend said "Man... he must have stolen a Rolex"
#23
Cindy Snow 5 years ago
My uncle was a color blind electrian. Heres a picture of him...( and here, and over there, and...)
#24
Hermione Granger 5 years ago
Ok, I am a Christian and I believe in God but this was still funny!
moeless 5 years ago
Nothing wrong with that. If you can create everything that exists, you can surely give yourself a sense of humor. Which still leaves me wondering...why does God need money?
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#26
Animus 2.0 5 years ago
If drinking too much alcohol would make me an alcoholic, then if I drink too much Fanta will I be Fantastic?
#27
Noemie Houtekie-N'Da 5 years ago
That is true. I sometimes say that by mistake when I talk fast, but usually don't.
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Tiny Dynamine 5 years ago
I always say this to people: It will happen when it happens. Don't have any expectations and it will happen at some point. :)
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Amiella Berendt 5 years ago
Whenever my dad offers me dates (like the fruit) I say, "No, I'm too young."
Noemie Houtekie-N'Da 5 years ago
Never tried a date. Want to tho. I love foods that are exotic.
#30
More poop jokes :D
Janusz Mrzigod 5 years ago
In fact, the second decade of the 21st century starts on Jan. 1st, 2021.
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Prakash Khanal 5 years ago
No, that won't help. Old ones gone but new s**t keep comming. Yo need to deal with it, every day.
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Elina Kuusisto 5 years ago
Omg I read this while taking a big drink of sparkling water... That was a close one!
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Tiny Dynamine 5 years ago
I used to have a manager called Richard Hollow. He was an arsehole, so we called him Hollow D**k.
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thepotatogirl 5 years ago
omg that is the best XD I gotta submit that to an incorrect quote blog I follow (don't worry I'll credit you)
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#124
Parmeisan 5 years ago
Took me a while. I was like, "I must be missing another way to say 'to the power of'" :P
Parmeisan 5 years ago
Just in case I'm not the only one whose brain works like mine... it's "two squared" = "too scared" ;)
Load More Replies... #125
Full Name 5 years ago
You're right, there's nothing holding that joke together.
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What do you think ?
Full Name 5 years ago
These were were actually pretty good right till the end (125 as of now). Great post!
Parmeisan 5 years ago
Thanks. I assumed they'd go rapidly downhill after the cutoff (30) but they did hold up pretty well. (Also, after reading all those my brain was like MAKE A PUN OUT OF RAPIDLY DOWNHILL but I've been at work 5 hours longer than I'm supposed to be and I can't do it. Sorry.)
Load More Replies... Bobert Robertson 5 years ago
How do you find Will Smith after a snow storm? Just look for the Fresh Prints
Tiny Dynamine 5 years ago
These are so good that put together they would make one of the best comedy routines ever.
Greg Jeffcoat 5 years ago
Everyone loves the new restaurant on the Moon, but it’s seriously lacking atmosphere.
Full Name 5 years ago
These were were actually pretty good right till the end (125 as of now). Great post!
Parmeisan 5 years ago
Thanks. I assumed they'd go rapidly downhill after the cutoff (30) but they did hold up pretty well. (Also, after reading all those my brain was like MAKE A PUN OUT OF RAPIDLY DOWNHILL but I've been at work 5 hours longer than I'm supposed to be and I can't do it. Sorry.)
Load More Replies... Bobert Robertson 5 years ago
How do you find Will Smith after a snow storm? Just look for the Fresh Prints
Tiny Dynamine 5 years ago
These are so good that put together they would make one of the best comedy routines ever.
Greg Jeffcoat 5 years ago
Everyone loves the new restaurant on the Moon, but it’s seriously lacking atmosphere.
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