This Twitter Account Is Dedicated To Showcasing All The ‘Crap On LinkedIn’ And Here’s 40 Of The Best Finds

That’s actually kind of fun... not real life fun, but still...

"however, she slowly becomes suspicious of the cameras"

In my reading, the tall ones are the stupidly optimistic that believe the plan cannot fail; shorty goes "well but did you check (...)?"

"Hey Bill, how's you and the wife?" *Stares* tick...tick...tick...tick *still staring* ...30 seconds... "Good, Tim!"

As Dan Price has proven, people will do even more when you pay them a decent wage.

I don't get why is it strange to sit anywhere without a laptop or iphone.

Stupidity is invincible.

Apple truly is an unsuccessful brand. a mere desaster to world famous NameDrop in comparison.

"Aspiring Intrapreneur"...well, well..

Meditation classes lol. Probably the last thing a homeless guy needs. That's like giving your dog a pair of shoes instead of food and water. Way to pat yourself on the back on that one.

Who, me? I like putting firecrackers in ant hills. And pizza.

"Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?" "I think so, Brain, but what are we going to do with 6 billion payment cards?"

This type of person makes me throw up in my mouth.

Mine is made out of plywood and cardboard with lots of duct tape. It's out back on the forklift.

On today's episode of "This Never Happened"

like being lying on your back struggling to get to the right position? Do you like the struggle or the kicking legs?

He's Ferrari-adjacent at best... If I make a photo of me next to the Statue of Liberty, do you assume it's my statue? So how does this suggest he's even allowed to drive it (rent, lease, borrow)?

*DEEP SIGH*

These poor sad humans have no idea of the purpose of life.

So LinkedIn is about being dumb in a more sophisticated way

... giving advice on quiting social media... on social media.. as a social media manager... wow.

An oldie but goodie. " If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. After that give up. You're just making an a*s of yourself.

Maybe he deleted his own account after spotting the verb "Marketing" in the title...

200+ slides is not a presentation, but an audio book that everyone is forced to listen to at the same time.

I think what Clive was hinting at was "Gary, your annoying and nobody cares"

It is called social engineering, and it easily gets unethical.

What is it with white people, specifying race of non-whites regardless of whether or not it's relevant to the anecdote? One of my white friends does this a lot.

It's amazing how full of themselves some people are.

For me, it's always been enough to connect with that other human being. I don't get this whole "now I must show the internet my receipt while humble-bragging" b******t.

Non-death comes from the times you keep breathing.

Very very few died on Armistice Day tho.

No, it just means they will rip out the business seats to fit more regular ones in, lower the price a bit and before you know it 10% more people per flight than there was before. Way to go!!!

So I can't read any books anymore until I have transformed into a vampire and sucked the blood out of countless virgins? Bummer....

Followers as a purpose...I suggest you take lessons from an influencer.

If you eat garbage, all you’re showing people is that you’ll take their s**t, too.

Strange, because when people over 50 apply for a job, the companies tell them the exact opposite..

AKA, today I pretended to be statue on the train while some rando took my pic.

One of the many stories in "Things that never happened" Volume 13.

I honestly didn't realize that LinkedIn was the new Insta.

You'd be surprised how many times you get conned if you treat everyone like they are the CEO of your favorite company.

You're sending your 13yo alone? My mum won't even let me go out alone beyond the door of our house.

Good god what lot a load of tosh, could he get any further up inside himself! This actually reminded me of Fraiser the TV show where he would try and outdo his brother Niles in getting more obscure items from ever stranger places!

I get that YOU want to use RANDOM capital letters all OVER the place but it's ANNOYING.

In other words you were a sucker, for spending $800 when you were only going to spend $8. I think I'll take lessons on sales from the one who got you to spend $800 rather than you.

You don't need to review the calendar if you do the same thing EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

Also add 6. Eagles eat trash and stolen food.

Again, show some respect! If somebody died, it’s DISRESPECTFUL to try and use the death to get more likes. I realize I sound like an old woman, but PEOPLE!!!! Come on!

Wot.

At first I thought it was Danny DeVito imitating Silvio Belusconi.

That... I can't even finish reading this post because in my head ‘goalfriend’ sounds like Gru from Despicable Me saying ‘girlfriend’, oh my gosh. 😂

Bottom line "My co-workers had the brains to know that it was time to step out of the rat race, while I believe that I shall live forever because I deny that growing old is a reality.

If "Hustle" is an essential part of your succes you either are a motivational speaker or an influenza.

Homeless people: Oh my God you're right! I need to get a job with the college degree I couldn't afford and stop buying beer with the money I don't have! The education I didn't get sure will pay off now!

I have NEVER done a single moment of work on the train into London. And I never will. That is my time. I have read books, tried some sketching (turns out I am not very good), and even just nestled up to a partition and caught up with some zzzzz, but I will NEVER check my emails until I walk through the front door of the office.

The McD's worker: 5JKI.gif

Reality: He was fired before he was hired because no one hires a guy who can't enter a room without slipping.