Swimming in warm water in the summertime. Placing the final piece of a puzzle that’s taken you months to complete. ‘Roasting’ someone online with a comeback so witty and so savage, they had to call the ‘Oh Snap’ and fire brigades. All three things have one thing in common—they’re all human experiences that make us feel gooood.
The ‘Clever Comebacks’ subreddit is one of the best places on the net to go to for awesome retorts that will forever be enshrined on the internet in online screenshots. Check out some of the most on-point and hilarious comebacks they posted ever. Remember to upvote your fave ones and we hope they’ll inspire you to show off your wit the next time someone says something dumb or has a go at you.
Bored Panda was interested to learn about what makes comebacks witty and about comedic timing, so we reached out to comedy writer and author of 'How to Live to 100,' Ariane Sherine. Read on to learn what she told us. What’s the best comeback that you’ve ever said or heard in real life, dear Readers? Do you think that the pen is mightier than the sword? Share your thoughts with all of us in the comments.
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I Understand Completely
Never Underestimate A Woman
I bet this same guy thinks he's qualified to talk about abortion even though he can't give birth.
“Migrants Can’t Assimilate Into Society”
Comedy writer Ariane told Bored Panda that, in her opinion, witty comebacks can be both spontaenous and planned out. "I've definitely come up with comebacks that are spontaneous. For instance, I told my daughter that if she didn't behave, I'd give her inheritance to a donkey sanctuary. She said, 'You wouldn't', and I came back, 'You bet your ass!' But though I hadn't used that comeback before, I clearly had knowledge of the pun and might have used something similar in the past."
She also pointed out something that honestly took me by surprise: "When it comes to stand-up, a lot of heckle putdowns are scripted and shared among comics." And here I thought that heckles were all instinctive and natural. I'll have to rethink some stuff about my fave comedians now.
Love This Guy
Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile
People Really Live In Their Own Little Bubbles
Ariane said that the line between a regular comeback and one that makes us snort into our cups of tea is clear for everyone to see. "It needs to be very fast, well-timed, and take people by surprise as well as being clever, witty, and immediately understandable." So no pressure then!
The beauty of comedy, according to Ariane, is that (sometimes) our subconscious mind kicks in and takes us by surprise, along with the audience. "But that's relatively rare in my experience. I'm sure many other comics are more natural than I am!
Please Wear A Mask And Stay Safe
You're The Problem
Thank You Andy Wang!
cultural gatekeeping has got to be the dumbest thing I have ever seen. The best and most inclusive societies culturally appropriate all. the. time.
The ‘Clever Comebacks’ community was founded in January 2018 and will be celebrating its 3-year anniversary very soon. In that time, they’ve amassed nearly 679k loyal members who are practicing the ancient art of the perfect comeback.
Personally, I think that comebacks are all about accurate, piercing, rapier-like wit. And the essence of wit is brevity, spontaneity, and stating the truth. It’s not a comeback if you spend an hour thinking about it and then another hour writing it out. Comebacks are the sniper rifles of the verbal battlefield. Not shotguns. Not machine guns. It’s all about one phrase—one roast.
The BBC tends to agree with my point of view. According to Rhea Wessel, witty comebacks can’t be planned—they can only be made in the moment. And timing is everything. Even if you come up with the perfect thing you could’ve said while you’re in the shower a day later, that amazing comeback is useless now. Too little. Too late.
I Don’t Care If Repost Made Me Laugh
British Museum
That’s actually the beauty of comebacks. Sometimes, you end up just as surprised by your wit as everyone else is. It’s like, for a single beautiful moment, the Spirit of Absolute Roasting possessed you and gave you glorious guidance.
Abigail Paul, the artistic director at the Theatre Language Studio in Frankfurt, told the BBC that we can improve our wit by giving ourselves just a bit of extra time to craft a great answer. Strangely enough, that involves becoming a better listener. We need to train ourselves to listen to others and respond appropriately, instead of tuning out and only thinking about the points we want to make in the discussion. That way, you’ll be more than ready to mount a witty defense because you won’t be caught unaware.
This Is A Really Good Reply To Trump's Tweet
Raw Skiny Jeans Bat
Useless Trees
What An Awful Way To Protect The Elderly
Rage Against Something
Actions Speak Louder Than Words.
Separate Payments
They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime
Depression vs. Asthma
Big Footprints To Fill
Not Mine But On Point
Another Reason To Love The Beatles
Elite Finish
What kind of relationship is that. We don’t have his money or my money, it is OUR money.
Flameproofing? But My House Isn't On Fire!
Flat Earthers Make Me Happy Because I Know I'm Not A Complete Failure
Is this just a joke to tease flat earthers or do flat earthers actually use the “flat” horizon as their argument? Do they not realise that we can’t see the curve because the earth is so large.
Does This Count? The Author Actually Replied Back To Me Lmao
That Last Line Though
Left vs. Right
They Did Not See This Coming
Columbus Day
End up in a random aisle and whatever you find there is now "Indian Food."
Austin Powers Would Be Proud Of That Comeback
'im Tired Of Being Responsible For Something That Is Entirely My Resposibility.'
Children always come with a little joy and a little pain, I’m thankful my parents decided to bring my life into this world, I love them with all my heart.
If you think four months is a long time to care for children, please don't have children.
I have a bad news for that guy: they will be the only ones responsible for much much more than 4 months.
4 months, dude, you're not gonna stand caring for them until they're 18 yo XD
Umm, sorry to break this to you, but being a parent means you are responsible for your children. As in feeding them, protecting them, housing them, loving them. Oh, sorry - these are alien concepts for you?
That's pretty cute. Me and my wife (well, TBH its actually mostly her) had been the only two people responsible for our two kids for the last 6 years.
WHAT?! Since you've been responsible for them??? Who else is gonna be, your f*****g cat? You will always have a responsibility for them. "WHAT?! WE WILL?! OMG, KAREN WE ALWAYS HAVE TO LOOK OUT FOR THEM!! WAS THIS YOUR DOING?!?!!?!?!?"
That’s why most people should not be parents. It’s YOUR responsibility for YOUR kids not anyone elders. So this idiot is complaining that him and his wife have been worn their kids for a mere four months and can’t handle it? I feel so sorry for the kids.
This is one of the many reasons why I will not have kids someday. They're little monsters (if you say otherwise I don't think you've properly met a child). Also, I'd like to live life without having to watch a kid. Imagine bringing a 5-year-old to orchestra rehearsal. Utter chaos.
All children deserve a parent, but not all parents deserve children.
I don't get this attitude. YOU had kids, it's YOUR job to deal with them. I have 2 sons, getting a break is great but either it's a gift of time from a loved one or they get paid for their efforts. It is OUR job to care for OUR kids and no one else.
surprise surprise, that will be this guy's ilfe for the next, at least, 18 years.
OMG, exactly! I couldn't have any, and at first it was awful. Until I figured out that as auntie I can still enjoy the hell out of them without any of the responsibility. Side note though: just what did he think being a parent was like?
Who is supposed to be responsible for them? Little known fact: you are still responsible for them when schools are open.
How dare everyone who's not taking care of THEIR children so they can get a break??!!
Whenever I say that I don't plan on having kids, I get shamed and told this way I'll have many kids(Idk as a punishment from god or something.) And it's just so draining, I've started pretending to agree and say I might have kids just for them to shut up.
Listen, my "baby" is 31 now, so I have no dog in this current fight. I don't support this guy's particular message, but I do disagree with people thinking he has NO right to be stressed, and that he chose to have kids, so no right to be upset. He had kids under the assumption that they would be attending school during the day. Parents have expected this for over 100 years. I personally think school is altogether horrible for the mental health of children, but there we are. When you and your spouse are both working, and now the children are doing remote learning, it IS huge change. And MANY more women than men have QUIT their jobs to help their kids with school (increasing the wage gap even when they return to work). Imagine being a single parent? You'd have to quit your job and being unemployed, or make your 9you stay home alone all day and hope they actually do what they are supposed to in remote learning. People DO plan their lives around the current culture.
Their kids reading this later when they learn to. Pathetic excuse for parents.
To be fair to this guy, not one single person signed up to parent 24 hours a day during a pandemic. We didn't expect to have to crisis school, stay home every single day, not be able to see friends and family, not be able to go anywhere, really. Many of us also have help from our family and now we can't because we might kill our parents.
You'd think. But my dad had 5 kids, and he still died lonely in a hospice. Kids are no guarantee of security.
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I felt like being snarky to this may be a little harsh. You say things when you're sleep deprived and a new parent. I feel like they should get a little pass.
well if they dont look after the children who will? they decided to have children, so its now their responsibility to look after them. If you dont want to deal with annoying kids, don't have them.
Load More Replies...I Love Puns
Who’ll Email You When You Block Him
Can't Get Any More Clever Than This
I will never have the guts to send a reply like that, but by Golly, I wish I would ...
Invasive Species
Don’t Boast About Your Iq Test
Oof! British People Be Like...
Honesty Is The Best Policy
I Mean, He's Not Wrong ..
Depends On Who Writes The Comic
Boomer vs. Millenial
It’s Funny Because It’s True
She Isn’t A Walking Womb
F**k this molyneux d**k. He was banned from speaking here (new zealand) in 2018 I think, the brainless monstrous mosque shooter donated to his causes and his petition to be allowed to do his stupid speaking event in NZ. Then murdered the innocent souls in cold blood at one of our mosques. So that's the kind of person who supports this fuckwad. No thanks. (NB not meaning to mislead, I'm personally agnostic, but say "our mosques" just as I would say "our churches/synagogues/temples/etc". A kiwi is a kiwi. A person is a person.)
Weird Motives
I wonder if the so called "1st world" countries know that here in the 3rd world, we drive both and are required to pass your driving test using a stick shift
Especially Clever
If everyone starts using the toilet marked “ me” then “ everyone else “ would be left clean...
Facebook Comeback
The waiter is providing a valuable service with very little likelihood of customer death.
Quite Funny To Be Honest
Rip To This Antivaxxer
That's A No Brainer
Forgot To Add That As A Poll Option
Tomi, Absolutely Destroyed.
Bryan Is Probably Still A Virgin To This Day
Have Fun With Your New Profession.
Yeah, Who Cares About White Supremacy, Amirite?
Come On Judge
Honestly Wish I Had This Comeback With Half The Idiots Ive Been With.
If he's not willing to have a condom on, he's not worth to have sex with. Simple as that. It means he values your health way less than his potential pleasure. In a committed relationship where you agree on a different contraceptive (if you don't wish to get pregnant) and get tested for STIs beforehand, sure. But never with a casual sex partner.
Task Failed Successfully
Should Have Seen That Coming Eleanor
The "Ok, boomer" thing just needs to die. When will people see that this generational war is serving no one?
Profit Before Health?
No Expense was Spared on Covid supplies. We might, however, have not paid the programmer...
James Ain’t Holding None Back
I love these guys and their inability to notice, in their search for rare Pokemon to steal, they that have a friggin talking Pokemon that can translate to English. Like the only one I'm aware of. Ah well, still loved that show when it came out
Best Way To Respond To A Hater
That's Not How It Works Karen
Well... There's the Rotavirus vaccine, taken orally. Just like the polio one.
Can Somebody Cashapp Me A Dang Pizza?
Right Back In His Face
The sooner you Americans wake up to the fact that you have and are still being fleeced / robbed by the very system that is supposed to help you when you and your families are in need of healthcare through no fault of your own, the better. There is no other country in the World - mostly - that would stand idly by and let some of it's most vulnerable and sickest citizens suffer and die because they don't have the correct 'insurance'. Not only is it cruel but also uncaring and downright sadistic...... Glad I live in a half way decent country ....
Stupid Millennials
Oof Size Large
Praise Be To Sony
The word murder also doesn't appear in the Constitution. But it's still not right. Genocide too. Oh, and Holocaust
I See A Sad Pig Too
Greta On Fire
God Damn I Know That Hurt
"Millenials Are Killing The Big House Market"
I'm sorry, but someone whose biggest problem is "Woe is me, I can't sell my mansion" doesn't garner a lot of my sympathy.
Nudes For Dudes
Dread It. Run From It.
Today’s movie villains are concerned about the environment/over population ...Like the James Bond villain trying to secure an underground water reservoir to sell in the future...that’s just sad... trying to show environmentalists have some hidden agenda to take over the world.
I Can’t Remember
Found The Reason Why
This was always odd to me when I saw it in films, because people were living in houses. If I tried leave through my bedroom window, I would have fallen to death from my apartment building.
Yeah Let’s Keep Doing That.
Someone Has Been Stealing A Few Eggplants, Huh?
Money Beats Brawn
I don’t know who either of them are but that made me giggle something awful. 😂
Y = Mx + B For ?
No, it says how many friends you can take and give a round. The rest you leech off them. See, math is useless, mooching is the way.
C- C- Cons- Consent?
Don’t come to Aus then, the C word is used countless times in a sentence.
Simply Ranting A Nation Because You Have A Typical Stock Image Of It In Your Head
I feel this is inaccurate. Identifying an outbreak of a known virus is different from identifying a new virus which can't be tested for. China certainly doesn't deserve any praise for silencing the first worried doctors, it does for the fast shutdown and for sharing information on the virus. But in the end I don't think this could have been contained by any country, there were far too many people without symptoms. Even with warning and tests available most countries failed to contain it.
Gotta Get Home
These are all excellent, but the Roomba one made me nearly spit coffee.
Yes, great burns! But I had to google "Roomba" because I thought this was one of the 50% of wild species I just do not know by name :-)
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I‘ve got a comeback story, but I am not sure if you can call it good. Could some jewish persons please tell me if it is insulting or something? Or maybe you even like it? God, I really don‘t know if I should post it, but I am curious about your reactions. I‘ve heared it only second hand. You have to know beforehand, that Germany has many imigrants. Especially from Turkey. And some of them do not really integrate in our society. If I remember correctly the president of Turkey even demanded that Germany should build Schools for the Turkish living here.... but I might have misunderstood that. Nevertheless, some Germans are a bit ... miffed about the Turkish here. Anyway, here is the story: In an underground train in Germany some Turkish teens come in and make a ruckus. An old german Lady asks them to be quiet or mind their manners or something. But they don‘t listen. Insted they tell her that the Turkish will take over Germany anyway. //part 1
//part 3: obviously this is not funny in regard of the jews part, but it is a „good“ comeback in that situation.... or isn‘t it? Please tell me what you think! I don‘t even know if this story is true or an urban legend.
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"Coronavirus is a fraud! It's just the flu!" According to the CDC, last year there were less than 34,000 deaths from influenza. This year we are over 300,000 deaths. No matter what you call it, it isn't good.
if 90% of the people reading BP either find this funny, or just roll their eyes and move on... it isn't polarizing... upsetting *you* isn't the definition of polarizing, when you clearly represent a fringe group.
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These are all excellent, but the Roomba one made me nearly spit coffee.
Yes, great burns! But I had to google "Roomba" because I thought this was one of the 50% of wild species I just do not know by name :-)
Load More Replies... I‘ve got a comeback story, but I am not sure if you can call it good. Could some jewish persons please tell me if it is insulting or something? Or maybe you even like it? God, I really don‘t know if I should post it, but I am curious about your reactions. I‘ve heared it only second hand. You have to know beforehand, that Germany has many imigrants. Especially from Turkey. And some of them do not really integrate in our society. If I remember correctly the president of Turkey even demanded that Germany should build Schools for the Turkish living here.... but I might have misunderstood that. Nevertheless, some Germans are a bit ... miffed about the Turkish here. Anyway, here is the story: In an underground train in Germany some Turkish teens come in and make a ruckus. An old german Lady asks them to be quiet or mind their manners or something. But they don‘t listen. Insted they tell her that the Turkish will take over Germany anyway. //part 1
//part 3: obviously this is not funny in regard of the jews part, but it is a „good“ comeback in that situation.... or isn‘t it? Please tell me what you think! I don‘t even know if this story is true or an urban legend.
Load More Replies... "Coronavirus is a fraud! It's just the flu!" According to the CDC, last year there were less than 34,000 deaths from influenza. This year we are over 300,000 deaths. No matter what you call it, it isn't good.
if 90% of the people reading BP either find this funny, or just roll their eyes and move on... it isn't polarizing... upsetting *you* isn't the definition of polarizing, when you clearly represent a fringe group.
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