Swimming in warm water in the summertime. Placing the final piece of a puzzle that’s taken you months to complete. ‘Roasting’ someone online with a comeback so witty and so savage, they had to call the ‘Oh Snap’ and fire brigades. All three things have one thing in common—they’re all human experiences that make us feel gooood.
The ‘Clever Comebacks’ subreddit is one of the best places on the net to go to for awesome retorts that will forever be enshrined on the internet in online screenshots. Check out some of the most on-point and hilarious comebacks they posted ever. Remember to upvote your fave ones and we hope they’ll inspire you to show off your wit the next time someone says something dumb or has a go at you.
Bored Panda was interested to learn about what makes comebacks witty and about comedic timing, so we reached out to comedy writer and author of 'How to Live to 100,' Ariane Sherine. Read on to learn what she told us. What’s the best comeback that you’ve ever said or heard in real life, dear Readers? Do you think that the pen is mightier than the sword? Share your thoughts with all of us in the comments.
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I Understand Completely
Never Underestimate A Woman
I bet this same guy thinks he's qualified to talk about abortion even though he can't give birth.
“Migrants Can’t Assimilate Into Society”
Comedy writer Ariane told Bored Panda that, in her opinion, witty comebacks can be both spontaenous and planned out. "I've definitely come up with comebacks that are spontaneous. For instance, I told my daughter that if she didn't behave, I'd give her inheritance to a donkey sanctuary. She said, 'You wouldn't', and I came back, 'You bet your ass!' But though I hadn't used that comeback before, I clearly had knowledge of the pun and might have used something similar in the past."
She also pointed out something that honestly took me by surprise: "When it comes to stand-up, a lot of heckle putdowns are scripted and shared among comics." And here I thought that heckles were all instinctive and natural. I'll have to rethink some stuff about my fave comedians now.
Love This Guy
Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile
People Really Live In Their Own Little Bubbles
Ariane said that the line between a regular comeback and one that makes us snort into our cups of tea is clear for everyone to see. "It needs to be very fast, well-timed, and take people by surprise as well as being clever, witty, and immediately understandable." So no pressure then!
The beauty of comedy, according to Ariane, is that (sometimes) our subconscious mind kicks in and takes us by surprise, along with the audience. "But that's relatively rare in my experience. I'm sure many other comics are more natural than I am!
Please Wear A Mask And Stay Safe
You're The Problem
Thank You Andy Wang!
cultural gatekeeping has got to be the dumbest thing I have ever seen. The best and most inclusive societies culturally appropriate all. the. time.
The ‘Clever Comebacks’ community was founded in January 2018 and will be celebrating its 3-year anniversary very soon. In that time, they’ve amassed nearly 679k loyal members who are practicing the ancient art of the perfect comeback.
Personally, I think that comebacks are all about accurate, piercing, rapier-like wit. And the essence of wit is brevity, spontaneity, and stating the truth. It’s not a comeback if you spend an hour thinking about it and then another hour writing it out. Comebacks are the sniper rifles of the verbal battlefield. Not shotguns. Not machine guns. It’s all about one phrase—one roast.
The BBC tends to agree with my point of view. According to Rhea Wessel, witty comebacks can’t be planned—they can only be made in the moment. And timing is everything. Even if you come up with the perfect thing you could’ve said while you’re in the shower a day later, that amazing comeback is useless now. Too little. Too late.
I Don’t Care If Repost Made Me Laugh
It's true, if they hated gay people so much, then why do they spend all their time with gay people. Even God had no time for people he didn't like, he just murdered them and told the people he liked to get on a boat
This reminds me of something that someone much smarter than me once said: The people who go around saying that homosexuality is a choice must also believe that they are choosing to be straight. Ergo suppressing their own homosexual desires. That could explain why so many outspoken anti-gay preachers and politicians end up getting caught shimmying down a drainpipe trying to leave a 25 man orgy (as happened recently in Hungary - edited to add it happened in Belgium but the politician was Hungarian)
Why do people use their religion as an excuse to attack gay people? Like, personally, I don't know you, and I don't care what religion you are, just get out of my face. I'm not religious so quit trying to force your religion down my throat. When I say "stop it" I mean it.
Why do people use their religion as an excuse to attack anything
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As a straight man, all I can say is that the weirdo on the right can suck my duck.
Why can't people just let people live? I hate that people hide behind the bible to treat people badly. It is one of the many reasons I ran from Christianity. Just let people live and be happy!! It takes more effort to hurt people than to make someone smile.
When I hear people rail about homosexuality, I ask them in what position that person and their spouse have sex. I figure if they're going to stick their nose into someone's bedroom, so can I. Shockingly, they get offended.
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Those who yell the loudest are usually secretly super into what they're protesting. I bet that guy attends gay furry parties on the weekends.
Thank you. Upon reading the word 'furry' I proceeded to spit out my coffee onto the computer screen. I appreciate the laugh. :-)
Load More Replies... Haha! Yes! Boy is he going to do some thinking when he gets home! (Hopefully).
He's never going to be able to go protest without thinking of this now. Good.
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All he has to do is read a little bit more into it. The translation was not accurate and the context regards incest, not homosexuality. I know bigoted homophobes are totally against researching and thinking for themselves though
the passages of the Bible they quote prohibit rape--it's not about homosexuality.
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https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2021/02/09/homophobe-intelligence-study-queensland-university-australia/
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for the life of me I do NOT get why anyone else cares what anyone's else's sexuality is - it's not contagious and they do NOT try to convert the rest of us - unlike so called Christians, Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses...etc....If EVERYONE just minded their own freaking business...
It's funny how the only prohibition in Leviticus they pay attention to is the one they habitually misquote. The prohibition is actually against having sex with young boys. Meanwhile, they eat bacon and shrimp, get tattoos, cut their hair and beards, mistreat foreigners, seek revenge, bear grudges, pervert justice, show partiality to the wealthy, etc.
I think you have the right intention in your hearts, but you are incorrect. You are just believing something you read that you want to be true. But, you need to talk to some biblical scholars about this. You can’t just stop after reading one thing. You need to find out what the consensus of the best scholars say. Your bible is evil and anti homosexual, you should try to come to terms with this.
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From what I've read and a bunch of research, it wasn't actually talking about being gay. Adult priests used to rape the young men that they would mentor. This is just from my research.
And the original scripture was not talking about homosexuality at all. That word wasn't added until the revised standard version came out to replace the king james version.....which itself was heavily edited and changed so people would obey the king's commandments over the bible's.
Her look says it all (i think its a her very pixeled picture)
Im Christian and i really dont have an opinion on lgbtq. I know its against the Bible, but also I should love everyone and who they are. Im confused about my opinion on it. But of course I would never hate someone so if they were lgbtq, I wouldn't care either
That's because the bible is a book with thousands of contradictions in it. The bible says to stone homosexuals to death. The bible also says to kill divorced people. If you tried to follow all of god's rules in the bible, you would quickly get arrested for being a moral monster. That should tell you something. The bible condones slavery and gives you specific rules on how to beat your slave. If you beat your slave with a rod into a coma and they get up from the coma in 2 days, that is fine. The bible condones rape. Maybe dump your evil holy book. You are much more morally superior to your fictional god.
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Hi, Christian here. We are not all like the man in the picture. Some of us have compassion, and I have gay friends! If you want to shun LGBTQ people, you will have to shun everybody else because we all have sinned, and no sin is greater than another. The bible says that Jesus befriended murderers, and ate with prostitutes, so I am going to follow in his example, and make some gay friends. P.S. Also, we don't all want to force our religion down your throats. If you don't want to hear about my religion then I won't mention it to you.
To everybody hating on Christians: We are not all like that. I am an evangelical Christian, and I have gay friends. *OMG* I am one of the Christians that have compassion. No sin is greater than another, so if you want to shun the LGBTQ community, you'll have to shun your friends for not honoring their father/mother. The bible says that Jesus befriended murderers, and ate with prostitutes. Based on this info, I am 99.9% sure he was around a gay person or too.
So this man holding the sign is a pre-christ believer and not a Christian. As I recall, the Christ indicated that none of us down here are supposed to judge others down here. Full stop.
You are disgusting. The bible is morally abhorrent and disgusting. The bible is historically inaccurate. Every time the bible makes a scientific claim, it fails. The bible has thousands of contradictions in it. Therefore the bible is an incorrect book. You can think his sign is correct all you want, but that certainly doesn't make it true. The bible condones slavery and rape. Do you think the bible is correct about those things as well? The bible says to stone homosexuals to death. Are you willing to get together with your town to do that? The bible says to kill divorced people as well. Are you willing to get together with your town to do that too? I think your views are f*****g hypocritical if you're not decrying divorce as loudly as you decry homosexuality. Go f-u-c-k yourself.
Load More Replies... Leviticus is also the book that bans the eating of pork and shellfish. Also mixing fabrics in your clothes, planting different seeds in the same field and lots more. Not that I give a toss about what the Bible has to say about anything.
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British Museum
That’s actually the beauty of comebacks. Sometimes, you end up just as surprised by your wit as everyone else is. It’s like, for a single beautiful moment, the Spirit of Absolute Roasting possessed you and gave you glorious guidance.
Abigail Paul, the artistic director at the Theatre Language Studio in Frankfurt, told the BBC that we can improve our wit by giving ourselves just a bit of extra time to craft a great answer. Strangely enough, that involves becoming a better listener. We need to train ourselves to listen to others and respond appropriately, instead of tuning out and only thinking about the points we want to make in the discussion. That way, you’ll be more than ready to mount a witty defense because you won’t be caught unaware.
This Is A Really Good Reply To Trump's Tweet
Raw Skiny Jeans Bat
Useless Trees
What An Awful Way To Protect The Elderly
Rage Against Something
Actions Speak Louder Than Words.
Separate Payments
They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime
Depression vs. Asthma
Big Footprints To Fill
Not Mine But On Point
Another Reason To Love The Beatles
Elite Finish
What kind of relationship is that. We don’t have his money or my money, it is OUR money.
Flameproofing? But My House Isn't On Fire!
Flat Earthers Make Me Happy Because I Know I'm Not A Complete Failure
Is this just a joke to tease flat earthers or do flat earthers actually use the “flat” horizon as their argument? Do they not realise that we can’t see the curve because the earth is so large.
Does This Count? The Author Actually Replied Back To Me Lmao
That Last Line Though
Left vs. Right
They Did Not See This Coming
Columbus Day
End up in a random aisle and whatever you find there is now "Indian Food."
Austin Powers Would Be Proud Of That Comeback
'im Tired Of Being Responsible For Something That Is Entirely My Resposibility.'
I Love Puns
Who’ll Email You When You Block Him
Can't Get Any More Clever Than This
I will never have the guts to send a reply like that, but by Golly, I wish I would ...
Invasive Species
Don’t Boast About Your Iq Test
Oof! British People Be Like...
Honesty Is The Best Policy
I Mean, He's Not Wrong ..
Depends On Who Writes The Comic
Boomer vs. Millenial
It’s Funny Because It’s True
She Isn’t A Walking Womb
F**k this molyneux d**k. He was banned from speaking here (new zealand) in 2018 I think, the brainless monstrous mosque shooter donated to his causes and his petition to be allowed to do his stupid speaking event in NZ. Then murdered the innocent souls in cold blood at one of our mosques. So that's the kind of person who supports this fuckwad. No thanks. (NB not meaning to mislead, I'm personally agnostic, but say "our mosques" just as I would say "our churches/synagogues/temples/etc". A kiwi is a kiwi. A person is a person.)
Weird Motives
I wonder if the so called "1st world" countries know that here in the 3rd world, we drive both and are required to pass your driving test using a stick shift
Especially Clever
If everyone starts using the toilet marked “ me” then “ everyone else “ would be left clean...
Facebook Comeback
The waiter is providing a valuable service with very little likelihood of customer death.
Quite Funny To Be Honest
Rip To This Antivaxxer
That's A No Brainer
Forgot To Add That As A Poll Option
Tomi, Absolutely Destroyed.
Bryan Is Probably Still A Virgin To This Day
Have Fun With Your New Profession.
Yeah, Who Cares About White Supremacy, Amirite?
Come On Judge
Honestly Wish I Had This Comeback With Half The Idiots Ive Been With.
If he's not willing to have a condom on, he's not worth to have sex with. Simple as that. It means he values your health way less than his potential pleasure. In a committed relationship where you agree on a different contraceptive (if you don't wish to get pregnant) and get tested for STIs beforehand, sure. But never with a casual sex partner.
Task Failed Successfully
Should Have Seen That Coming Eleanor
The "Ok, boomer" thing just needs to die. When will people see that this generational war is serving no one?
Profit Before Health?
No Expense was Spared on Covid supplies. We might, however, have not paid the programmer...
James Ain’t Holding None Back
I love these guys and their inability to notice, in their search for rare Pokemon to steal, they that have a friggin talking Pokemon that can translate to English. Like the only one I'm aware of. Ah well, still loved that show when it came out
Best Way To Respond To A Hater
That's Not How It Works Karen
Well... There's the Rotavirus vaccine, taken orally. Just like the polio one.
Can Somebody Cashapp Me A Dang Pizza?
Right Back In His Face
The sooner you Americans wake up to the fact that you have and are still being fleeced / robbed by the very system that is supposed to help you when you and your families are in need of healthcare through no fault of your own, the better. There is no other country in the World - mostly - that would stand idly by and let some of it's most vulnerable and sickest citizens suffer and die because they don't have the correct 'insurance'. Not only is it cruel but also uncaring and downright sadistic...... Glad I live in a half way decent country ....
Stupid Millennials
Oof Size Large
Praise Be To Sony
The word murder also doesn't appear in the Constitution. But it's still not right. Genocide too. Oh, and Holocaust
I See A Sad Pig Too
Greta On Fire
God Damn I Know That Hurt
"Millenials Are Killing The Big House Market"
I'm sorry, but someone whose biggest problem is "Woe is me, I can't sell my mansion" doesn't garner a lot of my sympathy.
Nudes For Dudes
Dread It. Run From It.
Today’s movie villains are concerned about the environment/over population ...Like the James Bond villain trying to secure an underground water reservoir to sell in the future...that’s just sad... trying to show environmentalists have some hidden agenda to take over the world.
I Can’t Remember
Found The Reason Why
This was always odd to me when I saw it in films, because people were living in houses. If I tried leave through my bedroom window, I would have fallen to death from my apartment building.
Yeah Let’s Keep Doing That.
Someone Has Been Stealing A Few Eggplants, Huh?
Money Beats Brawn
I don’t know who either of them are but that made me giggle something awful. 😂
Y = Mx + B For ?
No, it says how many friends you can take and give a round. The rest you leech off them. See, math is useless, mooching is the way.
C- C- Cons- Consent?
Don’t come to Aus then, the C word is used countless times in a sentence.
Simply Ranting A Nation Because You Have A Typical Stock Image Of It In Your Head
I feel this is inaccurate. Identifying an outbreak of a known virus is different from identifying a new virus which can't be tested for. China certainly doesn't deserve any praise for silencing the first worried doctors, it does for the fast shutdown and for sharing information on the virus. But in the end I don't think this could have been contained by any country, there were far too many people without symptoms. Even with warning and tests available most countries failed to contain it.
Gotta Get Home
These are all excellent, but the Roomba one made me nearly spit coffee.
Yes, great burns! But I had to google "Roomba" because I thought this was one of the 50% of wild species I just do not know by name :-)
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I‘ve got a comeback story, but I am not sure if you can call it good. Could some jewish persons please tell me if it is insulting or something? Or maybe you even like it? God, I really don‘t know if I should post it, but I am curious about your reactions. I‘ve heared it only second hand. You have to know beforehand, that Germany has many imigrants. Especially from Turkey. And some of them do not really integrate in our society. If I remember correctly the president of Turkey even demanded that Germany should build Schools for the Turkish living here.... but I might have misunderstood that. Nevertheless, some Germans are a bit ... miffed about the Turkish here. Anyway, here is the story: In an underground train in Germany some Turkish teens come in and make a ruckus. An old german Lady asks them to be quiet or mind their manners or something. But they don‘t listen. Insted they tell her that the Turkish will take over Germany anyway. //part 1
//part 3: obviously this is not funny in regard of the jews part, but it is a „good“ comeback in that situation.... or isn‘t it? Please tell me what you think! I don‘t even know if this story is true or an urban legend.
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"Coronavirus is a fraud! It's just the flu!" According to the CDC, last year there were less than 34,000 deaths from influenza. This year we are over 300,000 deaths. No matter what you call it, it isn't good.
if 90% of the people reading BP either find this funny, or just roll their eyes and move on... it isn't polarizing... upsetting *you* isn't the definition of polarizing, when you clearly represent a fringe group.
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These are all excellent, but the Roomba one made me nearly spit coffee.
Yes, great burns! But I had to google "Roomba" because I thought this was one of the 50% of wild species I just do not know by name :-)
Load More Replies... I‘ve got a comeback story, but I am not sure if you can call it good. Could some jewish persons please tell me if it is insulting or something? Or maybe you even like it? God, I really don‘t know if I should post it, but I am curious about your reactions. I‘ve heared it only second hand. You have to know beforehand, that Germany has many imigrants. Especially from Turkey. And some of them do not really integrate in our society. If I remember correctly the president of Turkey even demanded that Germany should build Schools for the Turkish living here.... but I might have misunderstood that. Nevertheless, some Germans are a bit ... miffed about the Turkish here. Anyway, here is the story: In an underground train in Germany some Turkish teens come in and make a ruckus. An old german Lady asks them to be quiet or mind their manners or something. But they don‘t listen. Insted they tell her that the Turkish will take over Germany anyway. //part 1
//part 3: obviously this is not funny in regard of the jews part, but it is a „good“ comeback in that situation.... or isn‘t it? Please tell me what you think! I don‘t even know if this story is true or an urban legend.
Load More Replies... "Coronavirus is a fraud! It's just the flu!" According to the CDC, last year there were less than 34,000 deaths from influenza. This year we are over 300,000 deaths. No matter what you call it, it isn't good.
if 90% of the people reading BP either find this funny, or just roll their eyes and move on... it isn't polarizing... upsetting *you* isn't the definition of polarizing, when you clearly represent a fringe group.
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