Since we were little, we all knew that insulting someone or calling names was a big no-no. However, life is full of big no-no’s, and to counteract some of them, you have to use them for your own good. And an insult is probably one of the most used of forbiddens in the life of an adult. However, we are not talking here about calling someone a beaner bronco buster or something by far nastier - the insults in our list will make the receiver shiver from your intelligence, quiver at their own incompetence, and feel the undeniable superiority of your wit. Yes, here they are, the best insults ever recorded on the internet, delivered fresh & hot right to your screen.
Knowing fully well that by spreading nasty, you only get nasty back, we’ve figured out that calling someone to get back to Earth requires certain finesse and flair; thus, calling someone a phallus head does not make it into our list. Instead, these comebacks are as subtle as Claude Debussy’s Clair de Lune, as camouflaged as the workings of Sherlock Holmes, and as smart as Albert Einstein himself. Oh, also, as beautifully versed as the sonnets of mister William! So, we bet that out of these original insults, you’ll definitely find one to put in your pocket and air out when needed.
Well, are you ready to check out our list of the best insults ever? If so, clear up a few RAMs worth of space in your coconut for memorization and skip to the comebacks just a bit further down. Once you are there, vote for the funniest insults and share this article with anyone in need.
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I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and poop out a smarter statement than whatever you just said.
May both sides of your pillow be uncomfortably warm.
Don’t you get tired of putting makeup on your two faces every morning?
I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.
Keep rolling your eyes, you might eventually find a brain.
I’m glad to see you’re not letting education get in the way of your ignorance.
Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parent’s job.
Well, my parents said I could be what ever I wanted to be, so I became a disappointment.
I get so emotional when you're not around. That emotion is happiness.
I am returning your nose. I found it in my business.
I heard this one before and have been patiently waiting to use it..
You are so ugly that when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a ticket for littering.
I’m jealous of all the people who haven’t met you.
You are the human version of period cramps.
You've only got 2 brain cells and they are both fighting for 3rd place.
Isn’t it dangerous to use your whole vocabulary in one sentence?
I told my therapist about you.
I mean, you need to tell your therapist about the people you spend the most time with anyway, whether theyre a good or bad influence on your mental health
You couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.
You are proof God has a sense of humor.
“Hmmmm let’s see…..what if I do a human with ALL BAD STATS!! Wouldn’t that be hilarious!? Yeah let’s do it!”
I bet your mom doesn’t put your coloring pages on the fridge.
I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.
You're so ugly even Stephen King has nightmares about you.
Oh, you don’t like being treated the way you treat me? That must suck.
Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.
You must have been born on a highway. That’s where most accidents happen.
Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.
If genius skips a generation, your children will be brilliant.
You’re a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
thought it said gay sprinkle n i was like.. but the whole thing is gay??
I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that?
Yeah? Well, you smell like hot dog water.
Someone said this to a friend of mine. That got shut down real quick and it was never said to that person again.
I’d give you a nasty look, but you’ve already got one.
You're like the water that comes out of the ketchup bottle.
You are like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.
You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
I wish I had a flip phone, so I could slam it shut on this conversation.
i mean if you're REALLY fed up w them you can just C R U N C H your phone in half
You must be the arithmetic man - you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.
You’re the reason God created the middle finger.
I've seen this one before. I actually said this before too! That persons face was priceless!
If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.
Light travels faster than sound which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.
You should carry a plant around with you to replace the oxygen you waste.
It’s impossible to underestimate you.
I’ll never forget the first time we met. But I’ll keep trying.
Your face is just fine, but we’ll have to put a bag over that personality.
i like this one. insulting the face is just mean, the personality is something they can, hopefully, change
I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral.
I will ignore you so hard you will start doubting your existence.
I’d explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.
I like "I don't have the time or the crayons to explain this to you."
I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
Ha good one, will try to find a n opportunity to say this to an annoying boy that tries(and fails miserably) to flirt with me.
If there was a market for bad ideas I'd want drilling rights to your head.
You are a fart factory, slug-slimed sack of rat guts in cat vomit. A cheesy scab picked pimple squeezing finger bandage. A week old maggot burger with everything on it and flies on the side.
You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
Actually some pretzels are just fine if unsalted. But they have to be hot and buttery. (But still not as good as salted)
I would prefer a battle of wits, but you appear unarmed.
Somewhere, somehow, you are robbing a village of their idiot.
You’re living proof it’s possible to live without a brain.
Child, I’ve forgotten more than you ever knew.
If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
When I see your face, there’s not a thing that I would change… Except the direction I was walking in.
You should really come with a warning label.
a kid in middle school said "I should come with a warning sign" then another kid nearby replied "your face is the warning sign. " I tried not to die laughing at the time!
Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go.
If I change it to "your lucky stupidity is not a crime" is it still a good roast?
The people who tolerate you on a daily basis are the real heroes.
I will slap you so hard even Google won’t be able to find you.
You push a lot of doors that say 'pull', don't you?
Oops, my bad. I could’ve sworn I was dealing with an adult.
You have so many gaps in your teeth it looks like your tongue is in jail.
If your brain was dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.
OH MY GOD! IT SPEAKS!
My sisters when I come downstairs in the morning (I enjoy sleeping in when possible). They usually say "OMG ITS ALIVE!". All good times 👍
I forgot the world revolves around you. My apologies, how silly of me.
The world does revolve around you, you just don't get to choose which way it turns.
Hey, you have something on your chin. No, the 3rd one down.
If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
Two wrongs don’t make a right. Take your parents, for instance.
You have a face only a mother could love.
You bowl like your momma. Unless of course she bowls well, in which case you bowl nothing like her.
Your face looks like a stuntman’s knee.
Kinda running from the joke but unfortunately My knee looks like a stuntman's knee cause I am always down scrubbing the floor. 🥲
You bring everyone so much joy! You know, when you leave the room. But, still.
If I had a face like yours, I would sue my parents.
If my dog had a face like yours, I'd shave his butt and walk him backwards.
You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
I look ugly? Good. I was trying to look like you today.
Next time my sister makes a comment on my frizzy hairs i will reply with this (if I remember)
If you were any less intelligent I'd have to water you twice a week.
Taking a picture of you would put a virus on my phone.
If I typed ‘stupid’ in Google, your name would pop up.
I'm just storing these all for a time that has a 1% chance of happening.
I do not consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.
You are the reason why shampoo has instructions.
But seriously though. It also says "Do not eat. If eaten get medical help right away"
Isn’t there a bullet somewhere you could be jumping in front of?
I’d rather treat my baby’s diaper rash than have lunch with you.
Well....yeah. If your baby has untreated diaper rash, you ain't got time for lunch. Take care of your kid!
People clap when they see you. They clap their hands over their eyes.
You are so full of crap, the toilet’s jealous.
Is your bu++holee jealous of the amount of s##t that cones out of your mouth?
Your only purpose in life is to become an organ donor.
Well, the jerk store called, and they’re running out of you.
As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
You make me increase the amount of caffeine I take daily.
You look so pretty. Not at all gross, today.
Grab a straw, because you suck.
From the movie Time Bandits: I really like you, Benson. You are so mercifully free from the ravages of intelligence.
You’re my favorite person… Besides every other person I’ve ever met.
I was today years old when I realized I didn’t like you.
Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.
You’ve been trying to get your summer body since two winters ago.
Serial killers would run mad if they tried to make you a victim.
Your eyebrows look like eagle’s wings.
Im 42 yr old female and I told a younger colleague the other day 'i'm so sorry, I'm guessing you are insulting me however the 'urban dictionary' and your abbreviations having quite made it into the Oxford English dictionary, much less the standard conversation for anyone over 12 yrs old. So come back and try again when you surpass the vocabulary range of a primary school child or even better when you can actually spring a sentence together and spell it correctly! Don't worry I'll be sat here with baited breath 🤐😋 oh and btw just because your bag screams LV it isn't LV. The stitching is just the start of your problems . The print should be LV not VL. 🤏👌. Think she is still trying to work out what i actually said to her 😋
Wow. I hope you have a good dental hygienist. You need one to help clean all that bulls**t out of your mouth. 😊 jk
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"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception." - Groucho
Im 42 yr old female and I told a younger colleague the other day 'i'm so sorry, I'm guessing you are insulting me however the 'urban dictionary' and your abbreviations having quite made it into the Oxford English dictionary, much less the standard conversation for anyone over 12 yrs old. So come back and try again when you surpass the vocabulary range of a primary school child or even better when you can actually spring a sentence together and spell it correctly! Don't worry I'll be sat here with baited breath 🤐😋 oh and btw just because your bag screams LV it isn't LV. The stitching is just the start of your problems . The print should be LV not VL. 🤏👌. Think she is still trying to work out what i actually said to her 😋
Wow. I hope you have a good dental hygienist. You need one to help clean all that bulls**t out of your mouth. 😊 jk
Load More Replies... "I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception." - Groucho
