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How a person behaves during a surge of feelings varies per person and, often, per situation. Sometimes, caught in emotions, we might say or do something we will grow to regret later. Or, on the contrary, blame ourselves for not responding at all. While some say that the best comeback to an insult or a fight is no comeback at all, it’s not always possible nor desirable. And sometimes, some nasty yet savage comebacks may come out of one's mouth and burn as hot as ice.
In no way do we promote being rude and strongly encourage not engaging in mean behavior instead. However, some humans are natural-born savages with the best comebacks just piping hot and ready to be served at the first opportunity. Hence, the abundance of savage insults and comebacks on the internet. Yet, while we do not encourage you to seek inspiration from there, some of the best comebacks to a rude person are genuinely stone-cold-blooded and, well, impressive. Let's give them that.
Below, we've compiled a list of the best comebacks that would certainly leave any bully or hater speechless. Also, this is some good banter material if your friends get the joke and won't be offended. As long as this witty banter doesn't turn into bullying! Nevertheless, these savage comebacks are a frolic to read, so scroll below and upvote the wildest, most brutal, best comebacks ever!
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#1
I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you.
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#2
I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
#3
I was hoping for a battle of wits but you appear to be unarmed.
Aussie Dragon (he/him/thing) 3 years ago
I’m going to run out of aloe Vera by the end of this.
#4
Somewhere out there, there's a tree working very hard to produce oxygen so that you can breathe. I think you should go and apologize to it.
#5
It’s kind of hilarious watching you try to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence.
Jody Whitmarsh 3 years ago
I just chocked on my coffee!! My dog is very concerned for me right now
#6
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and poop out a smarter statement than whatever you just said.
#8
Everyone’s entitled to act stupid once in a while, but you really abuse the privilege.
#10
You are like a cloud. When you disappear it’s a beautiful day.
#12
Scientists say the universe is made up of neutrons, protons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.
#13
You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck when thinking.
#14
I’ll never forget the first time we met. But I’ll keep trying.
#15
Why is it acceptable for you to be an idiot but not for me to point it out?
#16
Light travels faster than sound which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.
#17
You’re not simply a drama queen. You’re the whole royal family.
raincloud the whalien 2 years ago
Excuse me I'm not any royal family I'm the British one and all of their staff combined
#20
I love the sound you make when you shut up.
#21
Keep rolling your eyes, you might eventually find a brain.
#22
I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.
#23
I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral.
#25
I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.
#27
Don’t you get tired of putting make up on two faces every morning?
MygrandsonscallmeNia 3 years ago (edited)
I have a neighbor I need to say this to!!! She's a two faced b-otch! Smile, and be friendly to your face, and be telling others lies behind your back! Thank God, she's finally moving out of our apartments! She wanted my apartment. I don't know why, hers is way bigger than mine, and warmer. She told lies to the landlord, and had the maintenance guy in on it too. Maintenance guy, in loads of trouble, and she has to move.
#28
Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.
Anonymouse 3 years ago
And me putting my head down and snoring loudly means that I agree with you and am very invested in the topic. Duh.
#29
May both sides of your pillow be uncomfortably warm.
#30
I understand everything you said. I’m choosing to ignore you.
#32
I’ve been called worse by better.
#33
The people who tolerate you on a daily basis are the real heroes.
#35
Too bad you can’t Photoshop your ugly personality.
#36
If genius skips a generation, your children will be brilliant.
Fell Ripley(she, they, potato) 3 years ago
Probably would be too dumb to get the joke in the first place.
#37
You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway.
#38
Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.
#39
You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
ace lesbian demigirl(she/they) 3 years ago
I like grey sprinkles! And the rainbow ones are GAY sprinkles!!!
#40
I envy people who have never met you.
#41
You should really come with a warning label.
#42
Don’t blame me for your stupidity. Take that up with your mom and dad.
#43
Feed your own ego. I’m busy.
#44
Save your breath – you’ll need it to blow up your date.
#45
Is part 2 of your argument coming out soon or is that it?
#46
This is a lose-lose situation for me. I lose my valuable time and any semblance of compassion I had left.
#47
It’s better to let someone think you’re stupid than open your mouth and prove it.
#48
Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons?
#49
Your only purpose in life is as an organ donor.
Garth Bock 3 years ago
I hope you're not an organ donor... it would be a shame to transplant your stupid into an innocent person.
#50
Stupidity’s not a crime, so you’re free to go.
lauralett50 3 years ago
The first thing in my head is : it should be . I know someone who could use a brain transplant.
#51
You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.
#52
You’re about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.
#54
Your skin is glowing, but I think it’s from the radiation emanating from your toxic personality.
#55
I can’t think of anything to celebrate on your birthday except you being closer to death.
T5n 3 years ago
I have used a similar one when I was quite mad at someone. “I have an expensive bottle of champagne set aside for the sole event that is your death. And I hope to open it soon.” This was towards someone that was abusive towards people that I care about. Usually it takes a lot for me to get even slightly angry.
#58
I hear there’s a new app called a sense of humor. You should try downloading it.
#59
I’d spell it out for you, but that’s assuming you know your ABC’s.
Garth Bock 3 years ago
To make it clearer I brought in the local cheerleading squad to spell it out for you..... Ladies? ...."Gimme a D... Gimme a U... Gimme an M ... Gimme an A.... Gimme an S ... Gimme an S.... Whaddoes it spell ?...
#60
Your doctor called with your colonoscopy results. Good news – they found your head.
#61
Hey, your village called – they want their idiot back.
the shrimp whisperer 3 years ago
my close friends have said this about trump and i was like "oh hell yeah i made the right friends"
#62
Do you always act like an idiot or do you just show off when I’m around?
#63
You are the architect of your life. Unfortunately, the blueprints are messy, written in Mandarin, and waterlogged beyond all recognition. Good luck.
#64
I’m sorry I didn’t get that – I don’t speak idiot.
#65
I’ve got higher heels than your standards.
#66
If you’re waiting for me to care, you better pack a lunch. It’s going to be a while.
Lori Fuqua 3 years ago
Don't hold your breathe waiting on me to care, you'll just end up passing out due to lack of oxygen
#67
You are the human version of period cramps.
#68
If you were an inanimate object, you’d be a participation trophy.
#69
You’re impossible to underestimate.
#70
I must have been imagining things. For a second there, I thought you made a valid point.
#71
It takes me a lot of effort to smile when you’re around.
#72
Do your parents even realize they’re living proof that two wrongs don’t make a right?
Lori Fuqua 3 years ago
And unfortunately those are the parents that keep trying to get it "right" multiple times 😫😫😫
#73
Your absence would affect me greatly. I’d finally get some peace and quiet.
#74
Row, row, row your boat gently down a raging waterfall.
#75
Brains aren’t everything. In your case they’re nothing.
#76
You are so full of crap, the toilet’s jealous.
#77
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.
Garth Bock 3 years ago
Ignorance is bliss.... The less stupid things come out of your mouth the happier I am.
#78
If your brain was dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.
FeartheHero 3 years ago
My favorite is a modified version of this: If your brain was dynamite, there wouldn't be enough to blow your nose.
#79
I’d give you a nasty look but you’ve already got one.
#81
Earth is full. Go home.
raincloud the whalien 2 years ago
As a registered whalien I'm legally obligated to be offended by that...but I'm laughing
#82
All mistakes are fixable, yet you aren’t.
#83
I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?
#85
I’d slap you but I don’t want to make your face look any better.
#88
Take my lowest priority and put yourself beneath it.
#89
I typed "Idiot" into Google yesterday. Your picture came up.
#90
You know, you’d be much more likable if it wasn’t for that hole in your mouth that noise comes out of.
#91
Hold still. I’m trying to imagine you with personality.
#92
There are some remarkably dumb people in this world. Thanks for helping me understand that.
#93
The Department of Homeland Security added your existence to the list of “Natural Disasters.”
#94
Grab a straw, because you suck.
#95
I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up your butt.
#96
Your face makes onions cry.
#98
Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.
#101
When you were born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to your dad: “I’m very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through.”
#103
I told my therapist about you.
Garth Bock 3 years ago
I told my therapist about you... He scheduled extra sessions so he can write a new book.
#104
You’re the corner piece to an unsolvable puzzle. Everyone looks right past you.
#105
I’m not going to repeat myself, but I’m also glad to do anything that prevents you from talking.
#106
If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.
#107
You need a kiss on the neck from a crocodile.
#108
Some people hatch into beautiful butterflies. Some people hatch into whatever the hell you are.
#109
I don’t want to rain on your parade. I want a typhoon.
#110
I’m surprised your teeth aren’t brown from all that nonsense-talking you do.
#111
Did God make you with his eyes closed?
#112
The 0.01% of germs are afraid of contracting stupidity from you.
#113
I wanted to live life without many regrets. Then I met you.
raincloud the whalien 2 years ago
"without many" hopefully you still have more to fill the quotient :D
#116
You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
#120
You’re lucky intelligence isn’t measured in negative numbers.
#122
Just because you have one doesn’t mean you need to act like one.
#125
I will ignore you so hard you will start doubting your existence.
#126
The zoo called. They’re wondering how you got out of your cage?
#128
You’re like the end pieces of a loaf of bread. Everyone touches you, but nobody wants you.
#129
They say our brains don’t stop developing until we reach 25; looks like yours stopped a bit early.
#130
I didn’t put garlic over my door because I think you’re a vampire. It just smells much better than you.
#131
You’re like my fridge: always full of yourself yet offering an abundance of empty calories.
#132
Did you know they used to be called “Jumpolines” until your mum jumped on one?
Garth Bock 3 years ago
Your mom has become hugely successful...... Damn.... typed that wrong... your mom has become successfully Huge !
#133
You’re such a beautiful, intelligent, wonderful person. Oh I’m sorry, I thought we were having a lying competition.
#134
You see that door? I want you on the other side of it.
#135
If you’re going to act like a turd, go lay on the yard.
Bored&InSchool 3 years ago
he's already acting just like a turd; he's not gonna move unless you make him move, and you most likely don't want to touch him without putting on gloves.
#136
You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
#137
If I threw a stick, you’d leave, right?
#138
Don’t get bitter, just get better.
#140
No amount of self-editing can fix the massive failure your autobiography would be.
Garth Bock 3 years ago
I heard your autobiography comes in a roll.... I have it hanging in my bathroom
#142
The amount of meaningful things you’ve done in your life wouldn’t be enough to fill a single page.
#146
Child, I’ve forgotten more than you ever knew.
#147
You’re my favorite person... Besides every other person I’ve ever met.
#148
Are all your friends this stupid as well? Maybe we can invite them over and, together, you’d constitute one working brain cell.
#149
You’re so ugly when you look in the mirror, your reflection looks away.
#151
The series of mental backflips I had to do to try and understand your point should have broken my neck.
#154
I would like some tips on how to clear my mind from someone with nothing meaningful to contribute. Care to help?
#155
Funny, I don’t remember you raising your hand. I’m going to call on someone else.
Garth Bock 3 years ago
Please raise your hand... Your brain can use all the extra blood it can get..
#156
Don’t place your self-worth in other’s hands. That being said, allow me to redirect you to the discount section. I found a spot for you.
#157
Don’t worry about me. Worry about your eyebrows.
#158
You look like a ‘before’ picture.
#159
The fact that someone wakes up to your face in the morning should be alarming. And yes, I’m referring to the mirror as well.
#161
I’ve never had many life goals. I’m just really grateful I’m not you.
#162
Has anyone ever tried to smack some sense into you? Allow me to be the first one.
Garth Bock 3 years ago
You can't fix stupid but smacking you with a 2 by 4 makes me feel better..
#163
When they said grow a pair, they didn’t mean for you to have kids.
Verona Bingham 3 years ago
You'd have to have 2, you couldn't get that blasted silly playing with 1.
#164
I applaud your effort, but I think I’m the only one in the audience. And I’m leaving early.
#165
Did I hurt your ego? Do you want a kissy on your boo-boo?
#168
If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
Mary Elliott 3 years ago
Insulting people for things they are responsible for, like ignorance or character flaws, is one thing. But no civilized person should ever insult anyone for things they can't control, like their physical attributes. This insult is below the belt.
#169
Hey, you have something on your chin… no, the 3rd one down.
#170
What’s the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus? One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.
Lori Fuqua 3 years ago
Should be what they have in common, jokes not landing the punchline with the way it is
#174
The truth will set you free. You suck. Ok, you’re free to go.
#175
The only way you’ll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken’s butt and wait.
#176
It looks like your face caught fire and someone tried to put it out with a hammer.
#179
You look like something that came out of a slow cooker.
#181
Your brain is working overtime today. You better pay it extra.
#183
Earth has a population of over 7 billion, and I had to meet the biggest loser imaginable.
#184
Glad I could be of assistance. Allow me to assist you in never walking again.
#185
You’re so fat you could sell shade.
#186
No, those pants don’t make you look fatter – how could they?
#188
Large and in charge isn’t your excuse to be a fat douchebag.
#190
You’ve got something on your face. No, not there — everywhere.
Verona Bingham 3 years ago
I refuse to do fat and yo mumma retorts however l like this one... You're so low you could crawl under the belly of a pregnant snake! Anyone like my final offering??
Navigating the world of wit and comebacks can sometimes feel like entertaining a crowd with sharp humor.
Just as vampire jokes bring laughter to a room, the perfect comeback can cut through tension and leave everyone chuckling. Humor, after all, is about timing and delivery, similar to how jokes about ethereal creatures can lighten the mood.
What do you think ?
lauralett50 3 years ago
Actually made it to the end of the list. Why does this have to be sssooo long?
Mark Rudolph 1 year ago
I'm surprised this one wasn't here: Wisdom follows you, but you're always too fast.
Tess Finley 1 year ago
"You have the energy of a special-needs squirrel that just drank a redbull and is currently on fire" ~ my dad this morning
Obvious Decoy 3 years ago
When hearing someone say "I'm getting married!". You can comment with "Congratulations, now you'll have proof that someone likes you!".
BoredPandaSucks 3 years ago (edited)
from Spongebob ......Sandy: (to Patrick) "Don't you have to be stupid somewhere else?" Patrick: "Not until four!"
lauralett50 3 years ago
Actually made it to the end of the list. Why does this have to be sssooo long?
Mark Rudolph 1 year ago
I'm surprised this one wasn't here: Wisdom follows you, but you're always too fast.
Tess Finley 1 year ago
"You have the energy of a special-needs squirrel that just drank a redbull and is currently on fire" ~ my dad this morning
Obvious Decoy 3 years ago
When hearing someone say "I'm getting married!". You can comment with "Congratulations, now you'll have proof that someone likes you!".
BoredPandaSucks 3 years ago (edited)
from Spongebob ......Sandy: (to Patrick) "Don't you have to be stupid somewhere else?" Patrick: "Not until four!"
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