A good cook knows that recipes can be often treated as guidelines. However, many a bad cook has a similar line of thinking, just with a vastly different outcome. Now, knowing you are a bad cook is one thing, but a poor craftsperson will blame their tools, up to and including recipes.
The “I Didn't Have Eggs” online community gathers the bewildering and somewhat infuriating online recipe reviews of people who for some ungodly reason decided to make terrible ingredient substitutions, then went online to rant about the recipe. So get comfortable, upvote the best (or worst) posts, and comment your thoughts below.
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This Guy Gets It
Cindy Is Tired Of Your Questions
"4 Cups Of Apple Cider Vinegar To 2 Bottles Of Wine Was Absurd." Yes It Was
While many of these are humorous, except perhaps for the poster of the recipe, the amount of culinary ignorance on display can be a bit frightening if you have a dietary restriction for whatever reason. Some people just do not know that surprise, surprise, eggs are not vegan and will happily serve baked goods to vegans who would be none the wiser. This is, perhaps, why some people will simply refuse to eat anything they have not cooked themselves.
The same is just as true for religious dietary restrictions. While, for example, the prohibition on pork, found in Judaism and Islam is pretty well known, some might not understand the variety of products that come from a pig that isn’t just meat. Gelatin, for example, which incidentally is often also not vegan, to the despair of a vegan trying to make smores for the first time.
Substitution Poetry!
The Best Review Yet
I Wish You Would Shut Up
While it might seem strange to deviate from a recipe if you are going through the trouble of finding one in the first place, it’s important to remember that in the age of the internet, the recipe might be from an entirely different continent. US recipes will often mention certain name-brand products that one can’t find elsewhere. All cuisine is based on the best utilization of the products that are actually on hand, so any good cook will make substitutions regularly.
No Mention Of Corn In A Mexican Crema Recipe
Reading This One Activated My Flight Or Fight Response
So many of these people have 2 brain cells fighting for their lives
Big Brain Baking
This is just as true if one has a dietary restriction. Vegans, for example, are no doubt used to regularly modifying recipes and often enjoy good food just as much as everyone else. And as “modern” as some might think it is, there have been vegan substitutions for some items for not just decades, but over a thousand years. For example, “mock duck,” an alternative to duck meat, has existed in China since the 7th century.
I Haven't Made It Yet 🙄
Recipe For A London Broil Marinade. There Indeed Is No Pepsi Or Coke
Oh Kimica 🤦learn To Understand Directions Please
“So I wasted 6 cups of milk because I can’t read. Thanks a lot, me.” There, I fixed it.
If one considers tofu as a meat substitute and not just a foodstuff in its own right, then “vegan meat” dates back to around 200 BCE, giving it considerably more pedigree than entire recipes and national cuisines. And it’s not just limited to East Asian food, there are ancient Greek sources that describe mock anchovies made from boiled and shredded turnips, mixed with oil and salt.
Yes, Cumin Beef Tastes Like Cumin
This Was On A Recipe For Peach Ice Cream
Thanks For Your Life Story!
In fact, while often overlooked, meat alternatives were also quite popular in Medieval Europe, as people who participated in Lent would abstain from meat, eggs, and dairy products. As one can imagine, there was not a vegan section at the grocery store, nor a grocery store in general, so people had to be clever about what they ate over lent, as just bread might get exhaustingly boring quite soon.
Christopher Has Had Enough Of Reading About Other People's Substitutions
Do You Even Know What A Potato Is? 1 Star!
I’m Not Sure If This Counts But It Made Me Laugh
This sort of reminds me of how I spent years being really confused about iced tea, thanks to a kid’s book I had when I was young. I thought it was tea with icing floating on top, like a iced bun.
Milk substitutes are perhaps just as old, though one needs to keep in mind that these aren’t one-to-one with dairy substitutes. One can’t exactly make cheese out of oat milk, for example. However, soy milk and coconut milk have been used in lieu of milk for around a thousand years in India, China, and Southeast Asia. So the “soy” part of an often derided “soy latte” is considerably older than the latte.
Geoffrey Doesn't Like Full English Breakfast
This Bourbon Chicken Recipe Review
"The Recipe Is Bad Because I Undercooked It" Absolute Savage Response
Setting aside dietary restrictions, it’s important to always remember that before readily available refrigeration and containerization technology, in most places recipes and cuisine were built around availability, which is ultimately influenced by everything from geography, weather, and the season, as well as social class. So many world-class cuisines, as we know them today, were built of changes and substitutions. Imagine Italian cuisine before the tomato, or Central and Eastern Europe, before the potato, both of which had to be brought in from the Americas.
I’m Better At Traditional Chinese Cooking Than The Traditional Chinese Cook
Why Do You Have This Much Free Time??
This Recipe For Thanksgiving Stuffing
This is all to say that substitution and improvisation is the cornerstone of nearly every delicious thing we have ever eaten. However, there is a fine line between genius and madness, one which is readily visible here. From horrifically misunderstanding basic instructions to a complete lack of knowledge about an ingredient, some of the options by these home cooks baffle the mind.
I Found This Gem On A Caramel Ice Cream Recipe And I Am So Glad I Did
I don't think this one deserves mockery. They're fully admitting it was their own fault, and providing information many people might not know. Homemade caramel gets really really hot! I make it at least once a year and still manage to forget this on occasion. Can't tell you how many times I've burnt the unholy hell out of my tongue trying to taste the stuff too soon.
Things Are Getting Tense In This Banana Bread Recipe's Comments Section
"I changed everything about the recipe and it was delicious. 5 stars." These comments happen too often 😂
Ritzchef Is All Of Us
These posts are great, because they often also present the recipe itself, or at least excerpts from it, which allows us to gauge if there was something unclear or poorly written in the recipe itself. Spoiler alert, most of the examples here are so simple and clear, a child could follow them, just not, it seems, the average home cook/netizen.
Amy Out There Fighting The Good Fight
This Person Added An Unnecessary Egg And Got Mad The Cake Was Ruined
This is too familiar. I tried cracking an egg on what was aperfect pb&j sndwich. It added nothing. The egg was so runny and the bread got soggy. Need to stop arbitrarily adding eggs to things...
On A Post For A Homemade Peach Cake
From "Homemade Peach Cake" to "Store-bought Strawberry Cake"
Everyone makes mistakes, let's not get ahead of ourselves here. Similarly, many of us have “bright” ideas that in reality turn out to be utter nonsense. Most of the time, a wise person will note the mistake and move on. These geniuses here, instead, decided to publicly share the nonsense that was going through their heads, no doubt in the belief that they are incredible cooks and could not have made a mistake. And if you want to see other “genius” cooks in action, look no further and check out our other article here.
Amber Doesn't Bother To Read, And Gets Schooled By The Recipe's Author
On A Recipe For Vegan Peanut Butter Frosting
French Toast. With Tortilla. And Aquafaba. And Cumin
No Substitutions (As Far As We Know) But A Wild Ride
Maybe skip the Ambien, since you are cooking in your sleep as a result?
Can I Make The Sugar Spread Without Sugar?
Just Devastated That Mayonnaise Doesn’t Make Good Frosting. But I Still Ate It
Translation: It’s A Frittata, You Twit
Recipe Is Missing Peanut Butter
When Recipes On The Internet Should Know That You’re Prediabetic, And Should Reflect As Much
So Tasty It Sent My Dog To The Hospital. Definitely The Recipe's Fault. One Star
Baking Soda, Baking Powder. Potato Potahto
I learned this one the hard way in Home Ec class, where we were required to at least taste everything we made. We encountered baking powder for the first time in a recipe for muffins, and assumed it was an error because we’d never heard of it, and so used baking soda instead. Our muffins didn’t rise, and came out like hard, dry hockey pucks. We all tasted as required then tossed the rest out. We were lucky our teacher recognized our error and explained it to us. I know I never made that mistake again, and I assume my teammates never did, either. That was a good (hard, dry) learning experience!
Big Hot Oil Mess
Didn't Read Directions, Got Food Poisoning
What Happened Here Is Truly A Mystery
I Think They Should Reread Their Review
I Didn’t Follow The Directions
Not The Recipe's Fault
Cindy Is Not Happy About The Use Of Eggs In Baked Goods
On A Vegan Yorkshire Pudding Recipe
Recipe Calls For 1 Teaspoon Of Red Chili Paste
How did they get from 1 teaspoon to 2 1/2 cups? And they said that’s all they had on hand so presumably they thought they were supposed to add more! At least next time they’re only going to add a cup
Found One! A Recipe For Bone Broth
Used Crisco Instead Of Unsalted Butter 1 Star
Dear heavens my taste buds are now trying to hide behind the sofa, I'm hoping that I will be able to coax them back by lunchtime
Miranda Isn't Putting Up With Ryan's Bs
What The F**k, Kim?
Found On A Recipe For Penne Alla Vodka
Used Half The Water Required In The Recipe Because My Cake Pan Was Too Small And The Cake Was Dry For Some Reason - 2 Stars
My Son Started A Fire! 1 Star
Made A Different Recipe. 4 Stars
The Icing Of Theseus
So many recipes out there which would have perfectly catered to the unfortunate friend's needs....
Real Estate Blog / Recipe Review
I'm such an INDEPENDENT woman who lives, works, and thinks INDEPENDENTLY unless I'm doing the most random things like rating a recipe online, and then take the opportunity to gratuitously insert as many references to my boyfriend that I can possibly get into the character limit for the unrelated topic. Gotcha.
Braggers Only
This Recipe Seems To Be A Forum For Mental Giants
It Turns Out That Nearly Doubling The Cook Time Yields Bad Results
Not Sure What Recipe Jeff Was Reading
Jesus. Sugar In A Dessert?
Wonder if the complainant though it meant 2 to 3 cups of sugar, not two thirds of a cup?
The *most* Pretentious Comment I’ve Seen (On A Simple American Style Alfredo Sauce)
Question On A Feijoada (Brazilian Bean Stew) Recipe
No Eggs? No Problem
All Red Sauces Is The Same, According To Donna M
Gochujang is great! If you like things that are somewhat hot and have a more complex flavor than a traditional vinegar based hot sauce, try it! I like it just spread on a cracker for breakfast.
Didn't Use All The Flour, Turned Out Sticky
Recipe For French Onion Soup. Called For Sherry, Not Cherries
No Salt In My Seasoned Salt Plz
The Sub Name Is Literally In This Review
Why’d You Rate It Then???
On A Recipe For “Less Sweet” Frosting
Pie Is Not Cake
Hopefully Nora was able to save the commenters pie as she responded within the hour. On second thought, the pie would probably be dry by then 😂
Because We All Know Cheddar Cheese Is The Superior Pairing With White Chocolate
*lemon* *pound* Cake Is Dense And Sour, And I Didn't Cook It All The Way. Terrible Recipe. One Star
Bottom Lip Is Tingly
Satire Saturday: I Didn't Have The Shortening
K
3 Stars For Bad Grammar
Tempurature is how hot you need the oil to fry prawns in a Japanese batter
Okay Mr. Jim Fancypants 🙄
Using Tapioca Flour Then Complaining It’s Too Gummy
So many decent recipes out there on the interweb with substitutions already tested...
Real Mustard Has Mayo
"I Did Not Eat This Recipe. One Star."
"The Texture Of This Cake Was Horrible. It's Definitely Not Because Of The Extra Cup Of Moisture I Added"
Pet peeve: People who give a recipe 5 stars BEFORE they make it, saying oh boy this looks good!
or 1 star because they're on a diet and how DARE you post anything containing sugar where they can see it?! you know they can't eat anything with oxalates!
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Why do these make me blind with rage? More than almost any other kind of "stupid people" post. And why do I keep reading them?
I read them because it made me feel great about my cooking abilities LOL
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Pet peeve: People who give a recipe 5 stars BEFORE they make it, saying oh boy this looks good!
or 1 star because they're on a diet and how DARE you post anything containing sugar where they can see it?! you know they can't eat anything with oxalates!
Load More Replies... Why do these make me blind with rage? More than almost any other kind of "stupid people" post. And why do I keep reading them?
I read them because it made me feel great about my cooking abilities LOL
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