It's rare, but sometimes strangers on the internet can dole out some true wisdom. In this case, we present you tidbits of knowledge from the sisterhood of women. Cue the viral TikTok soundbite from the "Anne with an E" series: "How I love being a woman!"
These tips from ladies come from the Ask Women subreddit. They all had some really interesting and wholesome insights to the question "What’s the most valuable lesson you’ve learned as a woman that you wish you knew when you were younger?" Ladies shared all sorts of advice that they gathered throughout their years on this earth, and you can read the most impactful entries below.
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You don’t have to be polite when someone is being creepy. No is a complete sentence.
All true - but you still have to be careful because 'no' can be the most dangerous word a woman ever says to a man.
If a partner is insulting you and it's "just a joke", it's not just a joke. He's testing your boundaries to see how much degradation and embarrassment you'll endure.
Placing boundaries down feels like an attack to the people who didn't care about them in the first place.
Can I just say how gorgeous the model in this picture is and I love her hair.
This wholesome thread of women sharing wisdom is evidence that we need strong female relationships. In some cases, female friendships can even help women survive longer. Studies have shown that psychological support increases the survival rate of breast cancer patients.
That's exceedingly true for those women who get their diagnosis early. A 2011 study in the Journal of Clinical Oncology found that women were 4 times more likely to die if they didn't have many friends.
I wasn't fat.
If he wanted to, he would.
I really like that statement. We all can do good things. If we are willing to do them.
Not all women who call themselves your mentors are your allies. Some of them are insecure and are unwilling to let other women around them succeed.
Licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Christina Watlington lists some benefits of sisterhood. First, it can have a calming effect. Reaching out to girlfriends when we're feeling stressed can help us unwind.
"In doing so, our brains actually release a feel-good chemical, oxytocin. This chemical instantly reduces anxiety, improves focus and concentration and encourages us to bond," Dr. Watlington writes.
Knowing the signs of an abusive relationship and don’t waste your life being in one.
Thankfully, these days there are organizations and hotlines that can help if you're not sure how to extricate yourself from a bad home or relationship situation.
Your self worth is not defined by a man wanting to sleep with you; learn to love/put yourself first.
It’s ok to say no.
Women know how to say no. The problem is that far too many men hear the word no, and ignore it.
Laura Cousin Klein, Ph.D., has found that women respond differently to stress than men. When stress gets a hold of men, it triggers a fight-or-flight response. Based on recent studies, researchers now believe that women have a wider variety of responses. Klein says that in women, oxytocin buffers the fight-or-flight response. They then start taking care of children and gather with other women instead.
Wear the damn bikini or bathing suit. Everyone is so obsessed and worried about their own body & trying to hide their insecurities that I promise … they’re not at all concerned about your stretch marks, body hair or rolls. We all have them. You’ll instantly be more attractive from the sheer confidence about not having a care in the world.
I wish this were true, but there are a LOT of body shamers out there, even ones who aren't themselves perfect. If you are hurt by cruel feedback, don't put yourself in this position because too many people don't know when to keep their warped opinions to themselves.
He doesn't like you because you're "mature" (see: traumatised) for your age. He likes you because you're young.
Or to rephrase: he doesn't like you for your 'mature mind', he likes you for your childlike body.
If people treat you badly or make you feel bad, they're not your friends. Don't put up with other people's bad behavior just because you want to have friends.
Yes. Don't put up with toxic behavior no matter who it is. "But they're FAMILY!" It doesn't matter. If they're toxic to you, eliminate them from your life. You'll be a lot happier. Oh, and don't feel guilty, either. You deserve to be happy.
"When [a woman] actually engages in this tending or befriending, studies suggest that more oxytocin is released, which further counters stress and produces a calming effect," Klein claims.
Why doesn't this happen to men? The doctor believes testosterone reduces the effects of oxytocin. Estrogen, in turn, enhances them. Female friendships therefore act as a chemical antidote to stress.
You are not responsible for anyone else's feelings. You don't owe him anything just because he likes you.
It’s okay to say no and be firm.
Not everyone means well
Don’t settle, what another won’t do, somebody will.
Trust your gut.
You don’t have to conform to societies standards of a woman. You don’t have to shave. You don’t have to dress feminine. You don’t have to cater to men.
Once an abuser, always an abuser, red flags are there for a reason and should not be used as a “well maybe that was just how they are” argument. If you see it, it’s not going to change.
It’s not nagging if you have to repeat yourself because they won’t fix it the first time.
You don’t have to rush to have kids. That is not your only purpose. You are not on a timeline that needs to be pushed.
Being a woman doesn’t mean you owe people a conversation just because they are interested in you.
And IF YOUR A YOUNG FEMALE, even underage, THE OLDER MEN DONT LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOUR MORE MATURE THEY ARE PREDATORS.
Don’t trust men/boys with nude photos.
Everyone's path is different, so please don't judge yourself by society's expectations. And more important: Don't paint the red flags white!
Being kind and generous is important, but treat it like an oxygen bad on an airplane. Give it to yourself first, and then if you can give it to others.
I ran myself dry always giving and then starting to resent not receiving. One day a light bulb went off that resentment is about me - not everyone else. Annnd I started giving back to myself and DANG was it a game changer!
Dr. Watlington lists another benefit of female friendships – its power to stave off loneliness. "When we feel connected to other people, we are buffering ourselves against the detrimental effects of loneliness," the clinical psychologist writes.
Men can be just as emotional and "irrational" as they claim only women are.
**Love isn't hard and doesn't hurt.** If you're with someone that seriously hurts you, either intentionally or through carelessness, that's not love. Being in love with the right person is the easiest thing in the world. If you've got to fight to make it work, it fundamentally isn't working. Yes, there can be struggles that are hard, as life is hard. Supporting each other through life's hurdles is easy as f, caring about how the other person feels is easy as f. If you think the person you love hurts you, (regardless of their intention) and you tell them it hurts you, they won't do it again if they really love you.
Love isn't hard. Relationships aren't easy, though. Giving up at the first disagreement, the first argument, the first time you don't get your way is easy. Committing to someone, communicating openly about your feelings, your wants and needs, and compromising when there's a disagreement is hard. But if you truly love each other, it becomes easier together. Not every day will be sunshine and roses. (But for the love of spam, if someone you love intentionally hurts you, all the work in the world won't make the relationship better.)
Don’t chase. Don’t try to convince. Don’t settle.
This with friends and family too, if u are wanted they would put in the effort as well
This is especially important for older women. Marriage and family therapist Andrea Brandt, Ph.D, writes about this for Psychology Today. According to her, female friendships are often the key to happiness for older women. The downside is that we often refuse to see it as important.
Periods painful enough that you have to cancel plans and/or stay home from work ARE NOT NORMAL!
You deserve to take up space. Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
Trust your gut. What you want and feel is valid!
Always trust your gut! No matter how good a relationship or situation might seem, if you ever have a feeling that somethings not right, run! This is especially important for your own health, safety, and security. Don't spend one second worrying about "how it would look if you left," just leave!
"Human beings need relationships to survive," she writes. "Infants can die if they go too long without being held, and the elderly experience an increased risk of mortality without social interactions. Isolation and loneliness are major factors in depression and negatively affect mental, physical, and cognitive health."
I am 30F, my whole life my father made me feel insignificant. I wish I would’ve known my value and worth sooner, I wish I would’ve known I didn’t need to waste time trying to convince other people I was worth it, especially when I didn’t believe it myself.
I wish I would’ve told my dad to f**k off sooner. My life has been so much better since then.
Dont chase relationships with people who don’t see the value of having a relationship with you and privilege it is to be involved in your life- no matter who it is.
Guessing this is going to be wildly unpopular, but here's mine from 20+ years of working in corporate jobs: The business world is still very much set up to reward youth and beauty when it comes to women. When I was young I thought all my promotions and pay increases were solely the result of my talent and hard work. Now that I'm older I realize that the road gets harder and steeper once men stop seeing you as a fun, non-threatening sidekick and start seeing you as one of their peers. I say this fully realizing being a young woman in business comes with its own set of problems, but my advice is to leverage this as much as you can while you can (without being gross or compromising your principles, obviously) because it gets harder as you get older.
This was a thing that was outed in my country's banking system. Young women were quickly promoted to work behind the counter and deal with customers. It took men much longer to reach that level. But once there women were stuck and men still managed to move upwards with the same 'ease'
Decide what YOU really want now and for your future. Doesnt have to be detailed. Just a general idea of what you are and are not willing to have in your future.
Then make the big decisions accordingly.
Whether we're young or old, knowing that we're part of one big sisterhood can help our mental health a great deal. Female friendships are on a whole other level and that's backed up by science.
It's like Beyonce said: "I love my husband, but it is nothing like a conversation with a woman that understands you. I grow so much from those conversations."
Wear whatever the f**k you want. Men are going to treat you s****y no matter what you wear.
Decent people don’t give a s**t about clothes, and they wont care if you dress like a weirdo or a bimbo or a f*****g astronaut.
To love myself first and foremost. I feel like it is a common thing for a woman to learn to put others’ needs before one’s, and I wish I knew earlier that it doesn’t work that way.
So true. You can't be your best self for others if you're not your best self. Lose the guilt and take care of yourself first.
Your body will keep changing, learn to accept that. If he really wanted you in his life, you would be in his life. You'd never have to guess. Be conservative with your trust in others, don't trust people liberally. Don't settle. There's always someone/something better around the corner.
Words are cheap, actions are expensive.
You can say anything you want but to actually DO the thing takes actual effort and, for important things, sacrifice. Don't accept the words. Only accept the actions.
Ask yourself regularly, is this something I really want to do or am I only doing it because I feel I have to/other people expect me to. Ask yourself questions about why you feel how you do about things, and where those thoughts come from. Knowing yourself is the most amazing thing. Even when the questions and answers are scary, don’t run away from them. If you truly want to be happy you’ll have to put in the emotional work at some point and it’s much easier to do it young.
Workout not to be skinny but to be strong. The best time to get strong is now, because it gets harder quickly in the future. 5 minutes is a million times better than zero.
Inertia keeps people in bad jobs and bad relationships. We'd rather be comfortable than happy but take a risk to make it happen. Eat well and exercise to feel good and be healthy. Your weight is a side effect of doing this. Remember, no one who truly loves you has fallen in love with your dress size..
Relax. Things will happen at their own pace. Don’t stress yourself out thinking you have to have everything early on. It will come.
I wonder if the bank will accept this for when I cant pay my mortgage?
You are not as strong as you think against a man. I learned that the hard way as a young woman. I was healthy, worked out, pushed and worked on propane buffers, was strong and fit...still nearly got kidnapped by a scrawny tweaker
You're better off all alone than around anyone who isn't good for you.
Being kind to people who'd never in a million years reciprocate isn't going to get you anywhere.
People aren't your friends or automatically deserving of support just because you happen to share something, be it gender, hobbies, opinions or something else.
"Being kind to people who'd never in a million years reciprocate isn't going to get you anywhere." This is true if you look at relationships as ways to earn brownie points instead of just trying to be kind to everyone in general.
Adult friendships shouldn’t be difficult.
Sometimes the thing we need most is the thing we’re resisting or not attracted to initially.
Surround yourself with people who put effort in. Do an audit of your relationships every few years and allocate your time to those who reciprocate.
Words mean nothing. Actions are everything.
Sometimes you can’t see the light through the clouds. But it’s always there.
Exactly! Actions mean far more than words. If you're always the one to get in touch with a friend and they never initiate it, please reevaluate the friendship.
You don't need to be "polite" and let other people step over you physically and emotionally. We're allowed to express our feelings and needs without "feeling bad".
If, even just in the back of your head, it feels like abuse, it’s abuse, and they won’t change.
But what if I try really hard this time to be better for them? Surely they'll make space for me this time? She says this time is different, so it probably will be? Sigh, I know. I do. I still can't leave.
Love yourself before you try to love someone else.
And if they don’t want you, it isn’t your fault.
You have to be OKAY with some people not loving you. You have to even be proud of those whom you know are your enemies. It tells you what you stand for. If you're a very truthful person and liars hate you - is that a bad thing?
Listen to yourself more. Don’t listen to people telling you you are not suitable for this or that even if that person is your own mother. The chances are they are projecting their own inability to you.
You do not have to be the person that fixes the world. You can do your best and that is plenty.
No one person can fix the world. No amount of giving will ever be “enough”. Do what you reasonably can and know you are doing good.
Be social. Even if you aren’t social. Even if you don’t want to be social. Make friends now because it’ll be 10 times harder when you’re an adult.
If you don’t make an effort to make connections, you’ll end up being lonely, which might seem fine when you’re younger, but the come down is brutal.
Make friends.
Being alone and being lonely are two different things. I enjoy my alone time, but have never felt lonely. I also know I'm not like others. I don't need to be social, but yes, I do have friends; a few from my early years, but also new ones I made recently during my "advanced" years.
Take care of your body first. No I am not talking about being fat or being thin is good or not. Try becoming healthy. Eat fresh and nutritious foods. Mark your cycles in an app or calender. Monitor them closely. Do yoga. Stretch. Do cardio strength training. Go on long walks. Meditate. Breath deeply. Be active. Prioritize sleep over people. Drink a lot of water. It keeps your skin healthy. Take care of yourself, groom and shine... have some herbal tea as the day ends. Unwind babe! This body is everything you got. Sound mind lives in a sound body. You will rock in every domain of your life once you get hold on this one. Find your Muse! Love yourself a lot. Talk positivity to yourself like you talk to your babies that's how you soft you got to be with yourself. Find a way to channelize your creative energy, have a hobby. Respect and care for those you love and those who stand by you no matter what. Cut off toxic people. Limit social media use. Instagram isn't real. Social media is bluff. Go near the nature. Look at the night sky...listen to your favorite music. Explore.
Actions always speak louder than words. Always.
My ex told me he loved me most days - whilst treating me like c**p. Took me ages to figure it out.
Stepping away is an important form of self care.
DETACHMENT: "Teach us to care and not to care. Teach us to be still." T.S. Elliot .
Put yourself first. Everyone else does. You should be number 1 to you. Eat well, sleep well. Treat your body well. Treat your mind well. Learn to be alone for a while. You don’t need to be in a relationship all the time. Take a vacation alone. Go to a restaurant alone. Read that book you want. Save money, yes, but have some fun money. For those shoes you want, or earrings, or bag. Quality clothes are worth it and will last you a long time. Knock off shows and bags are A OKAY. And at the end of the day, no one remembers that small mistake you made. You make an impression on those that care.
You don’t HAVE to do anything.
I apparently said it to a friend, it resonated with her and she told me how impactful “that thing I said had been”. I had zero idea what she was talking about, so she recounted the conversation back to me. Fast forward a couple of years and I’m rewatching an old favorite tv show of mine. Very first episode, in a conversation between two of the main characters “you don’t HAVE to do anything”. Funny how it lived in my subconscious for years and came out at the precise moment to the friend that would remember it.
I tell everyone to marry smarter not harder. If they make your life harder, emotionally or financially don't,
And no it's not marry richer because I know plenty of rich people that make their own lives harder and financially irresponsible.
Some things are not forever.
Actually, most things are not forever. (Sorry, I don't mean to be a downer, but that's the reality.)
don’t let people humiliate you
Don't let embarrassment or awkwardness make you feel like you can't say no. You don't owe anyone your time, your emotions or your body.
Use your voice, and be your biggest advocate because people WILL walk over you if you let them
And it doesn't mean other people are a bunch of selfish jerks. They're just taking the path of least resistance. You seem happy to do them a favor, and you always say yes to things? Then of course they're going to ask you first. Multiply that by all your co-workers or all your friends, and pretty soon your schedule is full of things you agreed to do for other people. They don't necessarily realize that; you have to set your own boundaries.
When you state something that bothers you or is a problem to you, it is not your responsibility to repeat yourself if the person respected you then they would had stop/done it on the spot. Especially in relationship.
Advice from a man's point of view here. The type of woman that every man hates most is a nag. Do repeat yourself once. Hardly ever twice, and never three times or more.
Being beautiful is not my job or career, so I should stop treating it like it. I used to be incredibly invested in looking beautiful, I'd stare at my face in the mirror often nitpicking everything thinking about what I would change.
But my value doesn't come from being beautiful, I grew up around prettier women my whole life and got a complex from it, later realized that they don't have it any better than me, they still experienced disrespect from men, and harassment, and while they weren't as lonely as me, they experienced more disrespect and objectification than I did. I realized that it was no woman's job to look beautiful for men, or for anyone.
After accepting this, I started gaining a more body neutral perspective and started liking my features, even if they hadn't changed all that much.
Just because she acts like your mom, does not mean she has your best interests in mind. Even mothers compete with their daughters and some of them really hate to lose.
The lows are more telling than the highs. Love should not be a roller coaster. Good love should be a stroll on the beach.
I'm not so sure about this one. All loving relationships have their ups and downs. The strongest couples have learned how to deal with the lows; the highs are generally the easy part. Life throws us a lot of curves.
Don’t live your life trying to please adults that you don’t want to disappoint. Your mom thinks your career choice is stupid? Dad thinks your boyfriend sucks? Sister thinks that haircut won’t work on you? Do what you want. They don’t know nearly as much as you think and ultimately you’re the one who has to live with the inevitable regret of not trusting yourself.
This depends...maybe the boyfriend really does suck, and maybe you're deluded about your chosen career. If someone is trying to tell you something is wrong, it doesn't mean that they are doing this just because you're disappointing them, it could mean that they are seriously concerned about your safety or financial security. If someone cares about you is trying to give advice, then at least hear them out and consider what they are saying. It's ultimately up to you to decide what to do with their advice, but don't immediately dismiss it.
Love isn‘t sacrifice and pain for a woman.
Your parents were just caught in a painful, codependent marriage.
I've never understood the objection to codependency. If a couple can't depend on each other then why are they married?
Trust your gut feelings.
I wish I didn’t ignore that so many times. I would’ve spared myself so much trouble and suffering.
Trust your gut feelings when you're sober. Don't trust your gut feelings when you're drunk.
Don’t keep problematic and toxic people in your life purely out of loyalty. Or because they do brief self serving kind gestures.
It’s not worth them being an energy vampire. It’s not worth your mental health and the detriment that it causes you.
Cut them off or distance yourself. The relief you will feel is so redeeming.
Do keep parents in your life as long as you can. Don't run away at age 13. Stay until age 18 or longer if you can. Don't keep people you love in your life if they emotionally abuse you. If your parents hate your partner - they're probably right.
You should put your feelings first. A ted talk I watched described how we are always so concerned about other person liking us and we mould ourselves that way, that we forget to ask ourselves if we like them
Friends will always be more important than a new boy.
Sometimes those friendships don't last, and you end up thinking "I should've picked the boy".... no, you made the right call.
No boy will give you in 1 year what a quality friend can give you in at least half the time x
If they have to choose between you and anyone when you really need them they aren’t worth your time. Walk away and never look back.
Not true. If you really need your partner, friend or family member, and they have something more important or urgent, consider their situation, before writing them off. Sometimes people are pulled in two directions, and you are not their top priority in that moment, that doesn't mean the relationship is worthless. If you're having an emotional crisis, and need your boyfriend for support, but his mum calls because his dad has just been involved in a car accident and is having emergency surgery he is unlikely to survive, and he has to go support her instead, that doesn't mean you should dump him. If he leaves to go play GTA with his homie, that's an issue.
Don’t settle! You really can and will get exactly what you want- in a man, a job, in life. As long as u don’t settle. Even if you’ve already wasted 5-10 years with a man or a job. Don’t settle. Life is waiting for you!
You have agency to change any situation in your life. You are in the drivers seat? Hate your body? Change it! Feel dissatisfied with your social life? Change it! You control your reality and make choices. Nobody can make you feel any type of way without your consent.
There are various posts that say "don't settle". So you should NEVER be satisfied and ALWAYS look for someone/ something better? How can you ever build a lasting relationship? Do you have to stay on Tinder your entire life? Sigh. Well maybe my English is not good enough to understand what "don't settle" really means.
maybe they mean don't settle for not good enough, rather than don't settle for perfect
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So many of these are about saying 'no', when the reason we can't directly say it is often due to the fact that men don't accept 'no' from a woman (either because they often ignore it, treat it to mean 'convince me', or out of fear that he'll be that guy who responds to rejection with violence).
As a man, I have been friends with a woman who said no, and I took that no completely at face value. It wasn't what she wanted, she wanted me to treat her no as a yes. And I've known a woman who said yes when she meant no.
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Looking back on 52 years (and still figuring some things out): keep a healthy body;' don't be with someone out of fear of being 'lonely' as a single - being single is better than wasting time with the wrong guy, even if he's not an abuser; you are worth an effort; you are allowed to take space; sit down with yourself for a weekend and just THINK! Listen to yourself. What do you want - marriage yes/no, kids yes/no, great career or lots of free time; etc. pp. ; imagine all of us as soap bubbles: make your life the biggest bubble for you - everyone else can attach their bubble to yours, but yours should still be the biggest for you (and theirs the biggest for them); find something that really brings you joy - it can change, but always have something like that.
Love your body, it's doing it's best. Also, f*ck aesthetics, wear what you want.
but if you like a particular aesthetic then wear it, even if someone tells you not to
Load More Replies... As a man, I have some great advice for women, well for both sexes actually. Don't drink and date, if you're too drunk to drive then you're too drunk to date. Never sleep with anyone crazier than you are, yes I know they're great fun, but they'll drive you up the wall faster than a squirrel can climb it. Don't nag. A partner is not a baby, don't go steady with one who is. Love is not to be trusted, some people get you to love them as the bait for a snare. All three genders can be equally wicked.
There are various posts that say "don't settle". So you should NEVER be satisfied and ALWAYS look for someone/ something better? How can you ever build a lasting relationship? Do you have to stay on Tinder your entire life? Sigh. Well maybe my English is not good enough to understand what "don't settle" really means.
maybe they mean don't settle for not good enough, rather than don't settle for perfect
Load More Replies... So many of these are about saying 'no', when the reason we can't directly say it is often due to the fact that men don't accept 'no' from a woman (either because they often ignore it, treat it to mean 'convince me', or out of fear that he'll be that guy who responds to rejection with violence).
As a man, I have been friends with a woman who said no, and I took that no completely at face value. It wasn't what she wanted, she wanted me to treat her no as a yes. And I've known a woman who said yes when she meant no.
Load More Replies... Looking back on 52 years (and still figuring some things out): keep a healthy body;' don't be with someone out of fear of being 'lonely' as a single - being single is better than wasting time with the wrong guy, even if he's not an abuser; you are worth an effort; you are allowed to take space; sit down with yourself for a weekend and just THINK! Listen to yourself. What do you want - marriage yes/no, kids yes/no, great career or lots of free time; etc. pp. ; imagine all of us as soap bubbles: make your life the biggest bubble for you - everyone else can attach their bubble to yours, but yours should still be the biggest for you (and theirs the biggest for them); find something that really brings you joy - it can change, but always have something like that.
Love your body, it's doing it's best. Also, f*ck aesthetics, wear what you want.
but if you like a particular aesthetic then wear it, even if someone tells you not to
Load More Replies... As a man, I have some great advice for women, well for both sexes actually. Don't drink and date, if you're too drunk to drive then you're too drunk to date. Never sleep with anyone crazier than you are, yes I know they're great fun, but they'll drive you up the wall faster than a squirrel can climb it. Don't nag. A partner is not a baby, don't go steady with one who is. Love is not to be trusted, some people get you to love them as the bait for a snare. All three genders can be equally wicked.
