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“Get In The Bin, You Absolute Child”: 30 Of The Worst Excuses Women Got From Men Over Chores
Interview
We call vacuuming, cleaning, and cooking “chores” because they are work, and nobody actually wants to do them. We do them because we have to. And that burden usually falls on the shoulders of women in the family. The Pew Research Center published a report in April of 2023 that revealed even wives who are primary earners spend more time on childcare and housework.
One Redditor wanted to hear the opinions of other women on the topic. She recently asked on r/TwoXChromosomes to provide examples of how their partners weaponize incompetence and what excuses they usually use. And the women of Reddit did not disappoint.
The curious Redditor u/Business-Wrangler-61 was kind enough to have a short chat with Bored Panda. You can read our conversation with her below!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Told me he’d let his cleaning lady go as soon as we went official.
You know…since he now has me.
I laughed in his face for several minutes. Told him to call, apologise profusely and beg for her back. Ended it with him as he wanted a mother not a lover.
The pigeon 1 year ago
Why didn't he do that when she moved in? Did he expect her to come over and do the laundry or some sh:t? That's a different level of absurdity. (Not saying it isn't crazy anyway.).
Lena Flising 1 year ago
So, he'd rather want his new girlfriend in the kitchen and the laundry-room, than in the bedroom or having a cozy evening together in the sofa in front of the TV? Silly boy!
KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
I am reminded of my ex who still lived with his mother who did all the chores and he was very ungrateful until I called him out on it one morning. He moved in with her when his ex wife realised she had become his mother and he didn't want children. I work with the ex wife, lol. He moved from me to the bestie (his) he swore he was definitely not attracted to, moved in with he during covid and apparently she is now basically his mother with benefits.
"The post was a spur-of-the-moment thing, prompted by someone accusing me [of] keeping the forks in an illogical place so they couldn't empty the dishwasher," u/Business-Wrangler-61 told Bored Panda. "They are in the drawer with all the other cutlery where he has found a fork when he needs one many times," the Redditor clarified.
She believes that situations like this are common when people live together. And, in her opinion, it’s not only men that can weaponize incompetence. "I think that a lot of people, often, but not exclusively women, struggle with inept or unwilling partners."
"It is infuriating but also ridiculous, and I wanted to hear the daft excuses other women have heard. It can't just be me. And sure enough, lots of people knew exactly what I was talking about. I enjoyed the sisterhood in mocking these 'incompedances.'"
RELATED:
#2
I think the winner comes from a man I know (not my partner, thankfully), who said the following about why he never helped cook: "Well, MY time is valuable." Really cuts to the chase, right?.
Pyla 1 year ago
sums up the gross way his mother and father raised him: narcissist extraordinaire.
TheGoodBoi 1 year ago (edited)
Everyone's time is valuable. Edit: Yes even if you're doing nothing, that's valuable lol.
Lena Flising 1 year ago
And HER time is just a waste? If what SHE does is so unimportant, she should just stop doing it. He will realize soon enough that SHE is very valuable to him.
#3
I don't know but my ex husband took me to court and said that I didn't give the baby enough baths as a reason he should get full custody(disagreement about baby skin care). When the judge asked him why he didn't give the baths then he couldn't understand the question? He was legit confused because he was just the dad and dads don't do baths.
Any 1 year ago (edited)
So...he wants full custody, doesn't know about shít concerning children and doesn't see that he has to do it, if he has full custody.... so he would just search for a new wife and leave it to her? WTF. Good riddance.
WonderWoman 1 year ago
He has found a new mommy for the baby, who will do as instructed. and 100% he wanted to hurt the mother.
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Gavin Johnson 1 year ago
This Dad did and misses bathrime with baby, she’s 13 now so those days are long behind us. One of the most enjoyable times of the day, chucking bubbles around, a laughing daughter, bubble beards for Dad, pouring water through funnels and squeezing sponges then the cuddle up with baby / toddler wrapped up in a toastie warm bathrobe. Who would give up that chance? What a dolt.
cerinamroth 1 year ago
My brother always did bathtime with my nieces, and my husband always does bathtime with our two (aged 6, 2). It's a wonderful tradition and every one looks forward to bath night!
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Disgruntled Pelican 1 year ago
Sounds like the type that would make his mommy come over to do it.
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Lena Flising 1 year ago
Why then should "just the dad" have full custody? Did he think some magic Mary Poppins would emerge to do all the "baby stuff" for him?
The Redditor admits that she's not a stranger to hearing all kinds of excuses from men. "I coped with those behaviors all my life, but the only solution I found is leaving. They don't want to change, and after a while, the pretending not to see the mess or what the children need becomes an insidious form of abuse."
u/Business-Wrangler-61 also agrees that we as a society (both men and women) are becoming more and more educated about the division of housework and what the mental load is.
"We are absolutely becoming more educated, but recent development worries me. I think men always knew how but didn't want to, and increasingly now, especially in the US, people advocate more traditional gender dynamics. I don't like it one bit," the Redditor adds.
#4
"I didn't do it because I need you to make me a chore chart so I know what I need to do"
*Makes chore chart*
"I didn't do it because you didn't remind me of what was on the chore chart"
GET IN THE BIN YOU ABSOLUTE CHILD
*dw guys this guy is looong gone from my life and I have never known such peace.
Hmmm hmmmm 1 year ago
Don't be ridiculous. REAL men use Spiderman stickers
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Azolane 1 year ago
When I went to the ER for renal failure, after months of being a complete shadow of myself, the house was a disgusting mess. The bathroom had not been cleaned for more than six months, same for the kitchen. When I got better I kicked my husband out. His confused excuse was "you should have asked me to do it" I was literaly dying in front of him, and this almost 50 years old prick couldn't even figure out what to do on his own. He was lucky to leave through the front door and not the window.
Vinny DaPooh 1 year ago
Chore chart to look at the other chore chart. Is he going to need a 3rd chore chart to remind him to look at the 2nd to look at the 1st???
weatherwitch 1 year ago
My father was an expert at this. Years later I learnt the term weaponised incompetence, absolutely spot on for this truly pathetic behaviour 😔
Lena Flising 1 year ago
Answer to the first point: "HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A CHORE CHART SO I KNOW WHAT I NEED TO DO???"
#5
Someone else’s ex proudly declared he couldn’t even boil an egg. I asked him if it was a mental thing or a physical thing that stopped him. Oooo… touched on his “manliness”. LOL.
AlchemisT 1 year ago
If you ask, they can take care of themselves even in the wild, but they cannot prepare even one meal in daily life. TERRIBLE (I'm not a man hater, I just can't stand stupid people.)
HighNMightyBigshot 1 year ago (edited)
The fact that you have to even say that you aren’t a man hater!, when speaking the truth about how useless a lot of men are.
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Lena Flising 1 year ago
10-year-old kids can boil an egg. If he's not even able to do that, why should we allow him to drive, or have a work to earn his own money? Come to think about it, isn't there some YouTube or similar with Baby Chef? Like a ten-month-old that manages to put flour in a bowl and mix it with something.
Dread Pirate Roberts 1 year ago
LOL I love how proud he is of not being able to take care of himself. That's just embarrassing.
Kay 1 year ago (edited)
I'm not much of a cook (F), my partner (M) is a gourmet level hobby chef. We don't live together yet, but I'm so happy that when we move in together we're gonna split the chores evenly as he's not a man child. (And evenly doesn't mean 50:50 of each chore - I'm happy to give him all the cooking while I'm more focused on cleaning)
PiAnisum 1 year ago
Boiling eggs is a difficult task for me. Any cooking and household chores are a huge problem for me. However I'm a woman and any guy relying on me doing the cooking will either start doing it himself or run away screaming. Unless he ate what I "cooked", then he might need an ambulance. Honestly I'm terrible in the kitchen, no joke, but mostly I get it into a form of being edible but rarely into anything tasty. When my friends visit they cook in my kitchen because they don't want to eat what I create. During my time at the university I belonged to a group of students (only guys except me) cooking and eating together and after my first time cooking for the group, I wasn't allowed to cook alone anymore. The next time I helped so else, after that I got banned from the kitchen and had to do the clean up later. Today I guess I have ADD, but back then I had no idea why I got so confused and irritated that I mixed up ingrediences and got distracted forgetting what to do.
Terry Tobias 1 year ago
Lol about being banned from the kitchen! My father should have been because he burned everything and came up with the weirdest things that we had to eat! I'm a woman but had to learn to cook on my own. I can never remember how long to cook a hard boiled egg or boil ears of corn, so I have to look it up. First I used cook books and now I also use the internet. I often get ideas and the timing of cooking various foods from recipes, then I make them my own. Good cooking shows on TV also help. Taking my time chopping vegetables and preparing the mise en place with a glass of wine and some music is relaxing to me and I have fun in the kitchen. It doesn't have to be a chore.
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#6
My ex said he didn’t know how to use the washing machine. Also argued that men and women have different vision and men can’t actually see what needs cleaning and that’s why they don’t do it. .
Seán Hannan 1 year ago
It's an exaggeration, but this is based on our real, lived experience. My wife comes in after I have (I think) done a pretty good job of tidying up and she thinks the place "looks like a bomb hit it" and she points out things that have not been put away that I had not noticed even existed. On the other hand, if it was up to her to do the cooking, I would starve because she would go a couple of days without eating before she noticed she was hungry. Our agreement from the start was that the person with the least tolerance for a job not being done is the person responsible for getting that job done. I cook and do the dishes and laundry and take out the rubbish bins. She does all of the things I don't realise even need to be done.
Tamra 1 year ago
Honestly, it sounds like you guys have a good system. You talked about it and figured out what works for the both of you, and you share the load. That's awesome!
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Kariali 1 year ago
Husband, is that you? Mine uses the same excuses. His mum never showed him how to do xxx, so he does not know. He watches youtube videos for every little thing, but not for household stuff. And he anyways does not "see what needs to be done". Oh, and my favorite excuse: "I feel comfortable with the mess". Yeah, right....
Sue User 1 year ago
Yep. I got, well i never learned how to do taxes. Do you think i was magically born with this ability? I had to learn how to do this.
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Jeevesssssss 1 year ago
I don't know how to use my washing machine properly as 35F - as in, all the different functions and the timer setting and whatnot. But I know how to turn it on and make it do either a hot or cool wash and I throw detergent and softener straight into the drum and it does the job - good enough!
Lena Flising 1 year ago
I learned to drive in old age. In the beginning, I observed stationary things much too much. After a year of being taught to drive, I now observe the moving things instead. Funny, isn't it; you can learn what you need, if you just focus on it.
AMaureen Dance 1 year ago
To be fair, I don't trust my husband to sweep up broken glass, because I don't want to spend the next week finding shards with my feet. But he does dishes and his own laundry. There really isn't much else to do around our place.
Although 'the mental load' has become a trendy buzzword on the Internet, it's still useful to know what the exact definition is. "The mental load is the decision-making, planning, and organizing that goes into keeping our lives together," life coach and educator Laura Danger told Bored Panda in an earlier interview.
"For example, if you're planning a meal for your family, you have to consider your family's food preferences, allergies, schedules, dietary restrictions and needs, and so much more. The mental load is making sure all of the boxes are checked off and also that each task interacts just the right way with all of the other tasks. Our lives are like big machines, and it takes mental labor to fit all of the gears together," Danger explained.
#7
My ex wouldn’t ever start dinner even if I was working late because he needed to check what to cook with me first. He would say ‘If I just start something you won’t be happy because you’re picky’. I believe this was in reference to a point in time about 5 years prior where I was pregnant and declined some meals due to morning sickness. I had reassured him a million times that he could start cooking anything on the meal plan (yes I would even write out a f*****g plan!!). I’d still get the ‘you’re picky’ excuse.
Charles McChristy 1 year ago
That's pathetic. He's the type of guy who says you blindsided him when you dumped him. "I thought we were so good together! Why didn't you tell me? Boo hoo hoo!"
Mia Black 1 year ago
I know this. The thoughts of some men tend to be so... Extreme? Like "you weren't happy about bell pepper on pizza so I figured you don't like bell pepper at all"....- "what? I never said that and prefer other vegetables but that doesn't mean I would not eat a dish were bell pepper is used?!!" And they just seem not able to change the 'fact' they think we meant....I can say a hundred times I really enjoy bell pepper raw but not so much cooked - in his mind I hate bell pepper.... There is somehow no space for grey tones...
Daniela Lavanza 1 year ago
In that case (which wouldn't happen because my husband loves to cook for us), I would get some takeaway food for myself only and get home saying "oh, I thought you would start dinner for yourself since i was so late." And do it again and again until he gets it I'm not his maid.
Hans Georg 1 year ago
My wife is picky, but that doesn't stop me from preparing two different meals.
Vinny DaPooh 1 year ago
This one I can understand. My wife and daughters are very picky about food while I will eat almost anything. Not only does it need to be from a small range of meal choices but also something they're currently in the mood for. Too many meals made where I was the only one eating it so I stopped doing it. Although now it's tell me what you want to eat and I'll make it. Otherwise everyone (daughters are teens) can fend for themselves.
Stephanie A Mutti 1 year ago
I've been there. My ex-wife would critique absolutely everything I made and try to control things AS I cooked them. She couldn't understand why I gave up being proactive. At some point, let it go. Not saying that's what was up for OP but there's a chance it was too.
#8
My partner is an amazing woman who would never pull this s**t, but my ex-husband was the king of stupid excuses. Here are some of his greatest hits:
"I can't do dishes because my ex used to nag me about it and every time I'm doing dishes, I just hear her voice nagging me."
"I figured you'd want me to sleep since I worked all week." (After sleeping until 11 AM on a day we were moving.)
"I can't tell which clothes go to which kid, and that's why I didn't fold the laundry and put it away." (The kids were 6 years old and 6 months old. They didn't wear the same size.) .
SadieCat17 (she/her) 1 year ago
I would like to thank straight man children everywhere for pushing other women over the edge into batting for my team <3
Kim Kermes 1 year ago
I've said that if homosexuality is a choice,, there would be no straight women over 30.
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arthbach 1 year ago
My husband was not at all good about knowing which clothing belonged to which child. There was just one size between them, and often the elder child's clothes were passed down to the younger one. We got round the problem of which clothes belonged to which child by using a permanent marker to label the younger child's clothing. Everything without the dot belonged to the elder, everything dotted was the little one's.
Lena Flising 1 year ago
He's an ex now, so not an issue any more, but you can buy stamps with the kids' names on them and stamp the clothes in the back. Good both for incompetent dads and for kindergarten.
KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
Doesn't even need to be their name - just a star or symbol. That way you can then donate once they've outgrown them.
Load More Replies... #9
My ex. He couldn't help fold towels because he 'didn't know which were medium and which were large'.
He couldn't do the food shop because he'd 'get it wrong' but I also had to time when to ask him, make sure it wasn't during drinking time, or when he was too hungover, since I didn't drive. He wouldn't wait for too long so he'd say I'd have to get the important stuff and could get the rest 'later' which is a magical time that never came. And I'd be expected to make meals out what I'd managed to grab in the 20 mins he was ok to be at the shop. I once tried to walk to the shop in 30+ degree heat and a mutual friend drove past me and gave me a lift. He was embarrassed because they asked why he hadn't taken me.
I could never have leftovers because he'd thought they were for him and dealing with his bad mood over it was worse than letting him eat whatever he wanted. So I'd make the meal, tidy up after it, box up leftovers, and put them in the fridge.
If I ate them, he would tell me he had wanted it. If I didn't eat it and it went bad, it was my fault I didn't remind him to eat it. If I had a sandwich and left him the leftovers, he would have wanted the sandwich and I ruined it for him.
It got to the point I didn't even pick something to watch when he was out. Because I'd have to hear every thought that entered his head about what I watched when he got in and saw it on TV. If it was a movie he hadn't seen 'he couldn't watch it now' if it was something I alone enjoyed he'd ask why I'd watch such awful things and ask how I could enjoy it while poking fun at it.
When I'd asked him to do a task, it went undone for months, then he was 'about to do that' when I did it.
He 'didn't see dirt'. Or he didn't deem it dirty, therefore cleaning wasn't required. One day he said 'it needs mopped in here.' I said 'are you going to mop?' He literally laughed in my face.
The week after I left him, he asked me how to work the washing machine because his clothes were stiff.
The week after that I got a text meant to make me feel really sorry for him. He said 'I'm moving, you're so much better at packing than I am, I'll end up with just a spoon and a mug'.
I wrote back 'at least you can have a cup of tea'. That was the last time I spoke to him.
Ace 1 year ago
Controlling and narcissistic. almost to a gaslighting level of abuse. Glad they're out of that now.
Salty_Sasquatch 1 year ago
I kinda think this is actual abuse (emotionally definitely) and not just gaslighting.
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AnnaRachelle 1 year ago
I had an ex like this. I was walking on egg shells for 2 years before I told him to leave and that I wanted a divorce. Nothing would ever be good enough. Constant mind games
Terry Tobias 1 year ago
I love folding towels; they're the easiest things to fold. How could someone not know how to do it?
InfiniteZeek 1 year ago
Those are the types of people that hate life, they just don't know it.
Dingooo 1 year ago
Did he have a mother? If he did she did a great job of raising a helpless coddled narcissist.
TheElderNom 1 year ago
I'm certain it isn't on purpose but by laying all the blame on the mother you're kinda adding on the sexism here. He would most likely also have a father who is also responsible.
Load More Replies... The statistics show that women tend to take on more of the mental load than men in families. "Even the most progressive partnerships slip into this dynamic," Danger told Bored Panda back then. "The social messaging that men should define themselves through work and women should define themselves through care and domestic labor is loud!"
"Domestic labor is feminized labor. Housework is seen as women's work, so women are taught to do it, encouraged to do it well, and are judged on it. Even if you're not explicitly taught that your job is to do housework, the messaging is loud and clear in media and in so many other aspects of our culture that women are innately better at housework. It's simply not true. Domestic work is skilled work. Gender has nothing to do with how well someone does it. It's learned."
#10
I used to make nice dinners for my ex and I. When I asked him (multiple times) to help with clean up he just wouldn’t. One particular time that I asked he said “It’s your job to clean the pots and pans because you’re the one who made them dirty.”
Nevermind that they got dirty cooking a dinner that HE always greedily ate. It took me way too long to finally say, “If you want any part of this dinner that I am about to make, then you’re going to clean this pot and that pan after. Agree now or I’m adding onions.” (He refused to eat anything with onions in it.) It worked briefly. I broke up w/ him not long after that for many reasons too numerous to list here.
KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
I mean, SHE put the food on it to make it dirty...
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The Doom Song 1 year ago
In my house if you cook you don't do the dishes. My partner does most of the cooking therefore I do the cleaning
Lena Flising 1 year ago
She should have said "OK, I'll only make one-pot-meal for myself in the future. Feel free to dirty up your own dishes.".
Rebel Peewee 1 year ago
When we were dating, my now husband tried to "I was raised with the fuel that when you cook, you clean up". I said "Aside from your mom, your step mom of r your sister, who else cooked? Because I know your dad and ex step dads. Sounds like a rule they'd have so they didn't have to lift a finger. Are you like them?" He went into a bit of shock and has tidied up beyond my expectations since. Oh, and cooks now too!
TheGoodBoi 1 year ago (edited)
I'm able access to the kitchen while food is being prepared because I rinse the pots as the wife is through with them. (It's also my time to sneak and taste the food 😇😈)
#11
When arguing about the work that we each put into managing our lives and household, where I was crying about the mental load of laundry, solely shopping for groceries, solely driving around for our errands, dishes, and managing the housekeeper we'd hired because he couldn't be bothered to do the above regularly, he said "but I feel I'm always working hard to find us fun games to play and movies to watch and I feel you don't appreciate that"
and he was completely serious
I know sexuality is not a choice because I WISH I were a lesbian.
Lena Flising 1 year ago
Just say "Let's switch, you do the planning of chores, I do the planing of fun times".
#12
"I couldn't make dinner because I went out with a friend. You wouldn't understand because I actually have a life"
Essentially anything he didn't want to do I had to do because he had more friends than I did. None of his friends last more than a couple years though.
Sonja 1 year ago
None of his friends last more than a couple years though. Yes, of course not, because people like that always try to weasel out of anything they don't want to do. Not just in romantic relationships, they do that in all relationships. And they don't want to befriend the Alpha male bubble, because those are also just the same. They always seek 'real friends' but in reality they want peons. They want to be pampered hand and foot because no one else is as valuable as them, their friends are just tools and trophies either, and they excuse not helping their friends out with having a wife, and not helping their wife because they have friends.
Lena Flising 1 year ago
I'm not a violent person, in fact I'm rather timid. But if someone said "You wouldn't understand because I actually have a life", I might walk towards that person with a kitchen knife in my hand. I wouldn't harm them of course, I'd just stick the knife into the kitchen table and say "Bye, I'm off to get a life!".
Alas, there are ways that partners can try to resolve this issue. Danger told us that communication is key in situations like this. "Assume positive intent. You're in a partnership because you love one another and want to show up for one another. Imbalanced partnerships fall into a trap of one person carrying more of the mental load than the other, and you end up with one person over-burdened and the other left out."
So what can couples do? "You can start with the positives," Laura suggested. "If you two start taking the household and mental load seriously, you're both going to feel more empowered to make decisions that align with your needs. You're both going to feel more heard. You're both going to feel valued and connected."
#13
I’ll start this off by saying my husband is a totally equal partner. He cooks, cleans, does laundry, and looks after our child without issue 99.9% of the time. But he bears the brunt of childcare for our daughter during the summer when she’s not in camp because he has many days off during my work week.
He was really burnt out back when she was 4 and tried to tell me in a fit of frustration that childcare is easier for me because women are genetically programmed to be patient with children.
When I tell you I laughed in his face and told him to go f**k himself, I am not exaggerating. He later apologized and remains a great dad and husband dispute this one lapse in sanity.
And don’t think I ever miss an opportunity to (jokingly) tell him he’s genetically programmed to move furniture, carry the shopping bags, mow the lawn, bbq, and maintain our cars.
JK 1 year ago
Oh dear lord you lot, grow the f**k up and get over yourselves. If you're getting this butthurt over this thread maybe go read another.
Dee Breezy 1 year ago
Hmmmm, iI don't know JK. Sounds like YOU'RE the one getting butthurt.......over people getting butthurt.
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Red Reilly 1 year ago
My partner is a total equal partner. Until it gets to dishes, he hates doing the dishes. Not in a 'he never does them' more waits a while and they build up. As he WFH I'm like '......come on guy..' Brilliant cleaner, great cook, amazing person. Just hates doing dishes.
Dread Pirate Roberts 1 year ago
I really think she overreacted. People say dumb things and/or things they don't mean when they feel overwhelmed or burnt out.
FluffyDreg 1 year ago
Its not like she left him over it... it was sonething completely asinine and she laughed.
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Cerise Hood 1 year ago
The husband is feeling burnt out, and her first reaction is to basically scold him. He is a way better partner than some of the other stories on this thread.
Tamra 1 year ago
She wasn't scolding him for being burned out. She scolded him for his sexist remark. But yeah, he's a damn sight better than most in this list.
Load More Replies... FluffyDreg 1 year ago
Idk i think laughing at sexist nonsense is pretty appropriate.
Load More Replies... #14
My ex, after I had our first baby, told me that I can't expect him to change diapers and look after the baby because he used to have to look after his baby brothers when he was 15. He was 22 when he said this. So basically, he knew how but was tired of doing things like looking after babies even if it's his own baby.
Edited to add: his mother said this was a lie. He had a job and school at 15. He changed the occasional diaper.
Marcos Valencia 1 year ago
I actually miss changing diapers. Beautiful moments when they used to laugh at my silly faces and sounds.
Sonja 1 year ago
Because you've been a real father and not just a fun daddy. You actually loved your child and not just the idea to have children. So caring for your offspring was enjoyable bonding time and not just a chore. If you love someone, you actively want to care for them. And seeing them happy makes you happy. But if having kids is just a checkbox to a guy, then he doesn't understand why it's a great thing to be able to care for them. For loving parents sharing responsibilities and caring for their beloved children is a privilege. And if two share the burden it has it's enjoyable moments. For absent fathers it's a chore that belongs to women and they're angry if they have to 'help out'. And then it also becomes a burden for the overwhelmed, tired mother.
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MushroomHead22 1 year ago
i have 3 younger brothers (8 year difference with the eldest of the 3; 12 year difference with the youngest), and i had to start taking care of them at 15. wake them up, get them ready, make breakfast, make sure they made it out the door to get to school. pick them up after school, feed them, bathe them, and put them to bed. i did this for 4 years. it did not deter me from wanting kids, i've always wanted kids, and now at 33 i have 2 of my own, and love it.... it's not about "tired of doing it" (which you confirmed is a lie), he just doesn't want to do it, plain and simple.
Lene Leth Winterberg 6 months ago
Here’s one the other way around. My husband has a kid with his ex. When the child was born he wasnt allowed near her because the had “a mother-daughter symbioses”. And he really wanted to be close to this wonderful child. Oh, she would force him to go get the kid during the night when she needed breastfeeding, lading her by her mother and putting her back in the crib. He Got up at 5 in the morning to travel to Uni, take the courses, communte back again and this went on.She was at home with the kid every day. But in the day he was not allowed to pick her up, not allowed to batte her or change her diaper. The things that create a Bond between parent and child. They ended up splitting up (for other reasons too). Basically she wouldnt let him be a father. This dad doesn’t want to participate and my husband ex wouldnt let him. Some people are nuts!
TheGoodBoi 1 year ago
I get the extra stinky messy diapers lol. Oh well, worth it every moment.
#15
Him: 'I just didn't notice the small details' this man is a very successful and competent designer and maker of circuit boards.
........yep.
Sonja 1 year ago
That's the stupidity of weaponized incompetence. They're perfectly able to do every single step of the task they claim they're unable to do, as long as it's not for the task they don't want to do. But they're perfectly able to do everything and have all the skills needed as soon as it comes to something they need for work or it's their hobby. They can grill a steak perfectly on a grill, but not in a pan. They can follow instructions on a package and measure ingredients for paint. Stir it and apply it wherever needed. But stirring some cocoa powder in a cup of milk for their kid is too difficult.
"If you're dealing with imbalance, you're likely in what I call the 'Nag Paradox,' where one person giving directions or soliciting support ends up feeling like criticism to the other. Then that person acts defensively, and you ping-pong yourselves into resentment." Danger said that partners who want to work through this argument should make clear agreements on who does what.
#16
“But I have to work! I have a job!” I’m legally disabled, and am responsible for all things home and child related. Because he has a job.
“Well, my dad never changed a diaper, I don’t see why I should!” Yeah, and you been in counseling for not having a good relationship with your dad, but now he’s your role model?.
KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
It sux that some people only realise how bleeding hard it is being a SAHP[artner] until they are left to their own devices for more than one day. [that is picadilly circus tube station]
#17
I once asked my husband if he wanted to use a project managing/task app to help us keep track of and divvy up chores. I worked in project management so l knew lots of ways to set that up.
He declined because he “didn’t want to feel like he worked for me.” Because me instead having to actively project manage all our household tasks somehow doesn’t already give him that feeling. 🙄.
#18
My ex: "You do it better anyway." Especially with infant/toddler caring things like diapers.
But, wow, did he pipe in if I cooked something the wrong way and he didn't like it. He'd lecture me on whether or not to put salt in boiling water for pasta. And yet, when I asked him to cook, it was too big of a chore. 'You're better at it.'
Good effing riddance.
#19
I called out my uncle for never cleaning up after himself while living with me and pointing out how my grandma with cancer and dementia in her 80s was cleaning up after him until she went to hospice and this m’fer ACTUALLY said!!!! “But I thought you and mama liked cleaning and doing things for me?” F*****g no.
Little Wonder 1 year ago
"Women *like* cleaning" is one I've heard too many times. Some of us do! Mostly it just has to be done.
Ace 1 year ago
Most women, and men for that matter, "like" having a clean space, and may get a sense of satisfaction from the fact of having cleaned, but that does not equate to actually liking the physical act of cleaning in itself. I'd like it just as much if someone else had done the cleaning (as long as it were up to my standards of course).
Load More Replies... weatherwitch 1 year ago
Some women like cleaning. Some don't. Some men like cleaning, some don't. As another poster has said it Has to be done regardless but some people are bloody lazy 😔
Lene Leth Winterberg 6 months ago
Me and my siblings called my dad out big time when he mentioned how he had helped my mum cleaning! 😅 They are in their 70’s and actually ok good at having a “practical” partnership computer to other at that age. But he got called out that that wording was absolutely rediculous. He didnt help her, he was doing the cleaning WITH her 😉 He actually got quite embarrased. You can learn old dogs new tricks 😉
Lena Flising 1 year ago
Did they look happy doing it? Probably not. Did they tell him "Don't worry, we'll do that"?
#20
The first Christmas we were living together, his mom was coming to stay with us. He asked what I got her? What?? I hardly know her and she’s made it clear she doesn’t like me very much??? But you’re so good at gift giving!!! Yeah, for people I like!!! Christmas Eve, he’s still thinking I sorted it out, color him shocked when I said no and he had to go out 30min before stores closed to get her something 😂😂.
Belladonna.dreams 1 year ago
My ex asked me what I got his mother for mother's day while completing ignoring me changing diapers for our 2 boys
AMaureen Dance 1 year ago
And I bet his excuse was, "But you're not my mother." The appropriate respnse, of course, would be, "And she isn't mine."
Load More Replies... #21
I worked today!
Paired perfectly with
It’s my day off!.
#22
One time, my ex broke his hand (being a drunken idiot) and used that as an excuse not to do anything. He once looked me directly in the face and said, and I quote, "What do you expect me to do, empty the dishwasher with *one hand?*".
JustPanda 1 year ago
Lol! Omg. So, I guess wiping his own butt is off the table too. Hope he can afford a full time nurse.
cerinamroth 1 year ago
If I could do it and put plates away in the bottom cupboard when I was pregnant, you can manage this little task, sunshine! Get cracking.
Cari Owens 1 year ago
Because apparently if one hand doesn't work, neither of them do. If that's the case, gotta wonder how these people who've had their arms amputated manage to do anything.
Lena Flising 1 year ago
Yup! First you open the cupboard, then you pick up the first glass and put it in its place, then you take the second glass and put it in its place, and so on and so forth. Check out mom's with babies; they often do things with ONE HAND, as they hold the baby with the other arm.
Jennifer Stanfield 1 year ago
I was in a car wreck, had broken ribs and surgery for a broken arm. He got mad at ME because the pastor next door tore into him when he saw me cutting the grass with a push mower while hunched over wearing a sling, while he sat inside because "he had to study for a test". I mean he started the mower for me after all. We lived in a rental and had to keep the yard cut regularly, he kept having reasons he couldn't do it. Meanwhile I dragged myself to and from work at 2 jobs, cooked, cleaned, grocery shopped, and did yard work.
weatherwitch 1 year ago
If he can manage a certain other task one handed, I'm Sure he can manage the plates 🙄😂
#23
My husband once said (in the early days of our marriage) that he didn't clean or do laundry or do dishes because he didn't want to mess with **my** systems.
You can believe my response was swift and brutal - "I only have systems because I'm the only one doing anything!"
Oh and one time he got annoyed with me for suggesting he do a load of laundry - "but you've never shown me how to use the washing machine!"
I mean imagine considering yourself a smart man and never once recognising that learning a new task as an adult is your own responsibility... I swear.
Kariali 1 year ago
Oh, I know this one! "You are so controlling or everything! I don't want to mess with that!" Yes, I am in control because nobody else does it! Sheesh....
The Doom Song 1 year ago
Aren't most washing machines like two buttons to work it? Mine is "power" and then "start"
Huddo's sister 1 year ago
Mine has multiple buttons, as well as a dial to select the type of cycle, but they are pretty easy to work out.
Load More Replies...
Belladonna.dreams 1 year ago
I can't get mad at my husband for laundry because I get upset when he touches my washer and dryer. It's a thing for me.
#24
My friends husband said this a while ago: "if I do it more often, you're going to start expecting me to do it".
?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?.
#25
My spouse told me he didn't see the dishes piled in the sink after days of them getting piled. I'd left them to see how long it would take for him to notice and put them in the dishwasher. He sure did notice after I took a mug off the top and smashed it on the floor right in front of him. I'm not a violent person but I came very very close to something I'd regret. My reaction shook him out of his complacency and we've not had an issue since. I do not recommend this course of action in general. .
Jinx (she/her) 1 year ago
I went through the exact same thing, only I didn't smash the dishes, I just bagged them up and threw them all away, pots, pans, bowls, cutlery, it all went and I forbade him from using anything but disposable because "are you going to run the dishwasher? no? then you don't get to put the real plates in the sink"
Giraffy Window 1 year ago
My partner likes to leave dishes to "soak". We'd long ago agreed "no dirty dishes in the sink" that they either go in the counter, or you wash what you used after you use it. But alas, they translated "wash what you used after" to "this is too hard to wipe, so it needs to sit with water in it" I stopped washing anything left in the sink. It took two years for partner to finally break the habit.
Heather Talma 1 year ago
My only question is why would you put things in the sink if you want them to go in the dishwasher?
Huddo's sister 1 year ago (edited)
In my house, there is little space for them on the bench, and often we don't put them in the dishwasher, either because it is still full of clean dishes, or because we will need to rinse them but don't have time/energy to do it straight away. They only stay there for a couple of hours though.
Load More Replies... #26
Not my partner but I once knew a guy who said he had done enough dishes for this lifetime. He was 25.
cerinamroth 1 year ago
I used to wash dishes at a restaurant when I was 16-17 and I do hate washing up. I realise that it doesn't get me out of it though. Generally, I cook and load the dishwasher and my husband does the other bits still hanging around.
#27
My ex would say he doesn’t have to help w chores because even though we both worked 40 hrs a week, I “worked closer to home” so therefore I had more time and should do the majority of them.
Ace 1 year ago
How much closer, though? Might be at least slightly reasonable if one partner is travelling several hours each day and the other one just five minutes.
MushroomHead22 1 year ago
if he picks you up from work too, then i mean you both get home at the same time. which defeats his argument.
AMaureen Dance 1 year ago
Before I retired, my commute was literally down the hall from the bedroom to the office. Husband still did stuff like cooking, and some shopping.
#28
I can't do the dishes because you're not happy with the way I do it. (without soap, leaving bits of food on them)
I can't clean because you're not happy with the way I do it (just generalizing from the dishes here, but it's not really true - cleaning badly is better than no cleaning imo)
I can't cook because we have no food.
I can't buy food because no one's made a list.
I can't .... realizes he can in fact make a list. Doesn't.
#29
My spouse once blamed my mother for not offering to take the baby for him so he could clean.
Jill Bussey 1 year ago
Parents everywhere will agree it's amazing how much you can achieve one-handed whilst holding a baby in the other hand.
Mrs.C 1 year ago
I wish all could see that. My SIL couldn't even pick up a glass to drink from because she was, "Holding the baby." My brother dropped her and my nephew off with me one day and I bathed him and cleaned the whole house with him football tucked. She was gobsmacked.
Load More Replies...
cerinamroth 1 year ago
Strap it to your front or back and off you go! It's how people have been doing it for centuries, and with good reason.
TheGoodBoi 1 year ago
Yup! They make some really comfortable slings for both you and the baby. "Come on little one! We're gonna do some conquering today!"
Load More Replies... #30
“I don’t know what towel you like to use” when asked why he replaced his bathroom towel with a clean one and not mine. Our towels are matching. Always have been.
#31
Him: I'm out of clean [insert clothing item here] Me: Him: why didn't you do laundry? Me: why didn't you? I don't inventory your closet or dresser Him: you should have known! Commence him doing a load, usually one outfit. He never washed any clothes but his own, and he would claim he didn't know when I needed the machine. Sundays. I always did the entire household's laundry on Sunday. We're divorced now.
Witch with a B 1 year ago
My husband does our laundry, I fold. He doesn't like the way I wash, and he couldn't fold a shirt if his life depended on it.☺
Giraffy Window 1 year ago (edited)
My partner has used our machines. My partner has FIXED our dryer. Suddenly one day they told me they didn't know how to use our machines. I ignored the comment, didn't even dignify it with a response. My partner occasinally uses the machines again.
Stephanie A Mutti 1 year ago
Ohhhhh but did you do your mother-in-law's clothes,,, including folding her underwear??? I really feel like had she volunteered to fold her mother's underwear JUST ONCE things might have been different.
#32
"I don't know where it goes." When asked to put some kitchen things away. You are the one who regularly uses them. What location would to go to GET it? Well, that would be where you put it back. It was a brain fart moment. I think he regretted it as he heard himself say it.
#33
“You want me to clean up after the dinner that you cooked for us? But I picked up a package for you earlier this week” (from the package room, in our building lobby, which he only went to because he thought the package was for him) Another time, I left town for a work trip on a Tuesday. We were out of paper towels. Came home on Sunday night and he still hadn’t bought paper towels. His excuse? One of our friends stayed with us for a night that week and had used the last paper towel, so he was waiting on the friend to buy us more. (?????) He also hadn’t touched the dirty sheets or towels that the friend left… This is just a roommate, not a partner, but definitely makes me very wary of cohabitation with a man!.
#34
*When is (event) happening?* Verbally tell him. *I forgot, when is (event) is happening?* Tell him and write it on the calendar in the kitchen. *Did you ever find out when (event) is happening?* Tell him, show him the calendar in the kitchen, send him an email. *Hey! You never let me know when (event) is happening.* Ragefully tell him AGAIN, point angrily at the calendar AGAIN, pull up the email and show him, then ask do I need to write it on a piece of construction paper and tape it to your computer screen? *What's your problem? I just asked....*.
#35
"If you wanted me to do it all you needed to do was ask." "I forgot about it." "It's late I'll get it in the morning." [Refer to previous excuse the next day.] "I'm just don't feel like doing it.".
Giraffy Window 1 year ago
I'm just don't feel like doing it either. Let's play a game of chicken and see who needs your clothes washed sooner.
#36
My industrial engineer husband couldn’t turn on the dishwasher because he ‘didn’t know how it worked’.
Montanavanna 1 year ago
My husband does this! He runs a drill 100s to 1000s of feet into the earth using math and geometry and all that complicated s**t but you struggle with mundane tasks. Yeah effing right buddy, I'm not buying it.
#37
I didn't know what to do because you didn't tell me. *tells him* I don't remember very well. Write it down. *writes it down* I lost that. Email me a list so I can add it to my digital to-dos. *emails* My email is crazy lately. Just text me. *texts* Call me when you're texting something important. *calls* You can't just tell me things, I'll forget. Please write it down. !! 🙃😪.
#38
I had an ex who told me that he didn’t notice when things weren’t clean, but if I told him to clean it then he would. I told him that no one tells me what to clean, he isn’t vision impaired, and I am not his mother.
Giraffy Window 1 year ago
Mine doesn't "see" the mess and dirt until it's an inconvenience to them in some way. Then they get annoyed with me that I didn't manage to fit those messes in with everything else I take care of.
iseefractals 1 year ago (edited)
Yes, he isn't blind and you aren't his mother...but you are the one that has the problem, aren't you? So your options are to either 1) open your mouth, point out the problem and request that it be rectified, because it doesn't matter what your gender is, you have to communicate. 2) take care of the issue that is a problem for you...yourself. If you're not willing to communicate, you don't get to be pissy that something hasn't been resolved, and if it's not a big enough problem for you to deal with it directly then it's not something worth getting angry about in the first place.
#39
Because he's tired/slept bad. I am NINE MONTHS PREGNANT .
MushroomHead22 1 year ago
just go easy on him in the delivery room. you don't want to disturb his sleeping with your incessant screaming from trying to push a baby out your hoohaa. have some respect for the man. /s
cerinamroth 1 year ago
Build up your real-life social networks now before the baby arrives and get extra help lined up. Send him right down the business end during the birth. If he doesn't have respect for you after that, swiftly excise him from your life. You can do it.
intrrat666 1 year ago
Why on earth would enyone give birth to child for a man like this one ?? Is she insane?
#41
"Women are natural carers" "I work full-time and you're only part time" "You're just better at it" Yeah he's my ex now.
#42
His explanation for why he was unable to take his dosh to the sink, "My mother would NEVER host dinner and then expect everyone to pit their own dish in the sink when they were done!" I asked if he was referring to her hosting guests or her expectations for literal children. Of course, whenever he cooked I was expected to do the dishes/clean up the mess because "He cooked.", but that never seemed to apply to him.
MushroomHead22 1 year ago
well if you are "hosting" diner for him, you can kick him out after.
#43
“We just have different thresholds for this stuff” “I just don’t think of this kind of stuff like you do”. Blah blah blah blah blah.
#44
"I can't tell boss I can't work late! It would look bad!/There was no one else who could stay late because they have kids!" Mister, **you** have kids too and it's **your** night to take care of the kids and dinner. **You** wanted an employed outside wife. That means **you** make sacrifices "how it will look"/hunting trips to make that happen. .
#45
My ex-husband once told me that he couldn't be expected to throw away his candy wrappers and fast food garbage on the nightstand because the wastebasket wasn't conveniently located. He also liked to say that he couldn't do dishes because there were too many in the sink, but I couldn't get a countertop dishwasher because it would take up too much space. (Guess who did all the cooking? Not him!)
Anyway I have a countertop dishwasher and a wastebasket that never seems to be too far away, now.
#46
Not a partner, but a roommate once told me that he didn't vacuum because he didn't understand how to remove the wet-dry vacuum attachment. The kind you literally pull off. Same guy looked at the dish rack & said he didn't understand my system (just put the dishes in).
#47
I have never met a man that didn’t have “acquired helplessness” other than my dad. It’s so manipulative!.
Rinso the Red 1 year ago
Wow, I feel bad for you in a way. But at some point, you've got to look in the mirror and say "maybe I'm attracted to the wrong type of person"?
#49
Not a partner, but I had a male friend visit from out of town several years ago, and a group of all our mutual friends came to my place for dinner. My friend said he couldn't help with cleanup because he was feeling sick from the dinner, having some kind of reaction. Friends and I said okay, and cleaned up. (I will say this friend group was like 75% male!) Then my friend woke up early the next day, and ate all of the leftovers. 🙄 We didn't stay in touch after that trip.
#50
Ex never claimed ignorance or (gods forbid) that I was more capable. But he’d make such a scene in actually doing anything I asked of him that it was less stressful for me to just take it all on myself.
What do you think ?
Any 1 year ago (edited)
Dear mothers and fathers, please include your children in chores. So they can slowly, step by step learn how to do it and grow into independent adults, who can take care of themselves. There is no gender in being a responsible adult who can share chores. Thank you.
Ruth Swain 1 year ago
Just because they know how, doesn't mean they will.
Load More Replies...
JK 1 year ago
Am LOVING all the frail egos crying about "men-bashing" and "misandry" - my guys, the post is "Why your *PARTNER*..." - it's not the fault of women that almost all the responses are from women regarding men. Maybe, I don't know, try and break the F-ing cycle?!?! Rather than crying and getting butthurt. JFC people, grow up!
Wysteria_Rose 1 year ago
My ex was all of this to a T. I remember he begged me to drop by his apartment as his college while driving the two hours to my parents' for the weekend. He made a huge thing of wanting to see me and have some time together real quick, have lunch. I show up and he's on his way to class and says "Oh can you do my dishes for me? Great, thanks, bye!" He had the nerve to be pissed off with me when he came back and they were still waiting for him. And then he proceeded to do them in the five minutes it would have taken him in the first place. He huffed all through lunch how now he was behind in his schedule b/c I couldn't do him this one favor. I pointed out that he had the time to do it b/c between classes and homework, he was always playing games with his friends online. He cried how that was his ONLY personal time and he didn't want to do dishes during it. But it was okay for ME to do them during MY personal time?
Maisey Myles 1 year ago
During divorce mediation my ex said I was unfit and he should have full custody because I didn’t feed them enough vegetables. The mediator laughed in his face
Penny Fan 1 year ago
OK.... I do actually have ADHD and ASD and always struggled with housework. The present Mr Fan is an ex-military man so he can get a bit twitchy when I haven't done things, but I've taken to ignoring him because he does even less! His favourite saying is "I would have done XYZ when I did that" to which I now reply "well why didn't you" ADHD untidiness is a very real thing but it shouldn't be an excuse when people ask for your help. I'm usually happy to do what's asked, I'm not happy for people to stew about it, expect me to notice something I'm clearly incapable of noticing, then get their knickers in a twist because I haven't noticed. Communicate!
Kellynn D 1 year ago
yep same issue, it's an annoying adhd thing and i've tried various ways to deal with it.
Load More Replies... Kellynn D 1 year ago
my hubby cannot cook, his mom was a chef and spoiled him... he pretty much didn't know how to do much of anything around the house. he learned, though he still really cannot cook, but since we switched to using an air fryer mainly he can handle that no problem. he's learned to adjust when i had arm surgery, or when i was losing my sight etc. does he do stuff often or perfectly? hell NO, but neither do i and i'm happy he does what he does. for all but one guy on this whole list... i have a boat and live on the great lakes and there's plenty of large rocks around lmao.
Sonja 1 year ago
The only thing my husband claims being unable to do is clipping our cat's claws. I know he could, but feels extremely uncomfortable doing it. He's afraid he could hurt them. So he holds them while I clip. But that's okay.
Kellynn D 1 year ago
lol my hubby is about to learn with our 3 bengal kittens... i have visual issues and he can see better than me. i don't blame them for not wanting to do it, it's kinda delicate and can cause serious issues if not done right. besides i bet your hubby loves the cat like my hubby loves our girls.
Load More Replies... The Doom Song 1 year ago
My partner and I try and split the household chores but I do majority coz I work 4 days a week and he usually works 6 days. I feel that's fair.
Any 1 year ago (edited)
Dear mothers and fathers, please include your children in chores. So they can slowly, step by step learn how to do it and grow into independent adults, who can take care of themselves. There is no gender in being a responsible adult who can share chores. Thank you.
Ruth Swain 1 year ago
Just because they know how, doesn't mean they will.
Load More Replies... JK 1 year ago
Am LOVING all the frail egos crying about "men-bashing" and "misandry" - my guys, the post is "Why your *PARTNER*..." - it's not the fault of women that almost all the responses are from women regarding men. Maybe, I don't know, try and break the F-ing cycle?!?! Rather than crying and getting butthurt. JFC people, grow up!
Wysteria_Rose 1 year ago
My ex was all of this to a T. I remember he begged me to drop by his apartment as his college while driving the two hours to my parents' for the weekend. He made a huge thing of wanting to see me and have some time together real quick, have lunch. I show up and he's on his way to class and says "Oh can you do my dishes for me? Great, thanks, bye!" He had the nerve to be pissed off with me when he came back and they were still waiting for him. And then he proceeded to do them in the five minutes it would have taken him in the first place. He huffed all through lunch how now he was behind in his schedule b/c I couldn't do him this one favor. I pointed out that he had the time to do it b/c between classes and homework, he was always playing games with his friends online. He cried how that was his ONLY personal time and he didn't want to do dishes during it. But it was okay for ME to do them during MY personal time?
Maisey Myles 1 year ago
During divorce mediation my ex said I was unfit and he should have full custody because I didn’t feed them enough vegetables. The mediator laughed in his face
Penny Fan 1 year ago
OK.... I do actually have ADHD and ASD and always struggled with housework. The present Mr Fan is an ex-military man so he can get a bit twitchy when I haven't done things, but I've taken to ignoring him because he does even less! His favourite saying is "I would have done XYZ when I did that" to which I now reply "well why didn't you" ADHD untidiness is a very real thing but it shouldn't be an excuse when people ask for your help. I'm usually happy to do what's asked, I'm not happy for people to stew about it, expect me to notice something I'm clearly incapable of noticing, then get their knickers in a twist because I haven't noticed. Communicate!
Kellynn D 1 year ago
yep same issue, it's an annoying adhd thing and i've tried various ways to deal with it.
Load More Replies... Kellynn D 1 year ago
my hubby cannot cook, his mom was a chef and spoiled him... he pretty much didn't know how to do much of anything around the house. he learned, though he still really cannot cook, but since we switched to using an air fryer mainly he can handle that no problem. he's learned to adjust when i had arm surgery, or when i was losing my sight etc. does he do stuff often or perfectly? hell NO, but neither do i and i'm happy he does what he does. for all but one guy on this whole list... i have a boat and live on the great lakes and there's plenty of large rocks around lmao.
Sonja 1 year ago
The only thing my husband claims being unable to do is clipping our cat's claws. I know he could, but feels extremely uncomfortable doing it. He's afraid he could hurt them. So he holds them while I clip. But that's okay.
Kellynn D 1 year ago
lol my hubby is about to learn with our 3 bengal kittens... i have visual issues and he can see better than me. i don't blame them for not wanting to do it, it's kinda delicate and can cause serious issues if not done right. besides i bet your hubby loves the cat like my hubby loves our girls.
Load More Replies... The Doom Song 1 year ago
My partner and I try and split the household chores but I do majority coz I work 4 days a week and he usually works 6 days. I feel that's fair.
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