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How do we know our love interest really likes us? I mean, how do we know for real. This simple, yet somewhat alarming thought may break into even the tightest relationships. Because there’s always ‘what if’ and ‘what now’...

So when Twitter user @Oloni wrote: “You ever think about the men who said they liked you before and suddenly realized they actually really hated you,” it struck a chord with many. Amassing 29.8K likes, the thread quickly became a safe space to talk about hard things where people shared the exact moment they realized their love did not quite love them.

So let’s get ready to dive into the sea of real-life stories on how crushes suddenly crash, in cases ranging from cheating to those that are much more sinister.

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Nannychachi
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Called my then-husband to take me to the hospital because I started bleeding at 3 months pregnant. His response? "Can't you call my dad to take you? I'm getting ready to go play softball." Divorced that trash and have been married to World's Best Husband for the last 18 years.

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We are all worthy of love, but in reality, most of us have survived rejection in various shapes, forms, and levels of hurt at some point in our lives. Whether it’s your partner saying they don’t love you as much as they used to, or them acting like they couldn’t care less about you, or… Well, the ways to break your heart are endless. And while some withstand the initial shock and cold shower with their head up, others take days, if not months or even years, to heal and find love again.

No wonder scientists have shown now and again that love literally hurts. Known as “stress cardiomyopathy” to the medical community, it’s better known as “broken heart syndrome,” and medical professionals don’t object to the nickname. Neuroimaging studies have shown that brain regions involved in processing physical pain overlap considerably with the areas in charge of social anguish. The connection between the two was found to be so strong that bodily painkillers turned out to successfully relieve our emotional wounds.

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Jo Johannsen
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Normal people don't use condiments? There's an entire industrial sector down the drain.

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So in order to find out how to survive rejection and help a friend or relative who’s going through a heartbreak, we talked to Kate Mansfield, an award-winning dating coach, TV personality, writer and women’s rights activist.“ Rejection can have a profound or a mild effect, depending on the psychological state, the past trauma and the personality of the person,” Kate said and added that “at its worst, it can cause extreme feelings of worthlessness and even depression.”

Therefore, it’s not something to be taken lightly. “It can cause the person to withdraw from relationships and to stay alone. Or, to feel not good enough and low self-esteem,” Kate explained and added that those with healthy self esteem and confidence are not affected as much “because they have a solid sense of self-worth already.”

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deanna woods
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My parents drove all the way back home after I got in a car accident. They in another city when it happened.

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Since the pain of being rejected has direct ties with our self-esteem, Kate suggests first working on your self-esteem in order to “understand that it is nothing to do with you, it is usually not personal.”

“Try to feel grateful, because the one thing worse than being rejected is to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn’t really love you.” The dating coach added that in such cases when rejection happens on a daily basis, it causes extreme loneliness.

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D S
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ouch!! This is so wrong on so many levels... what a selfish prick.

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May
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sure it's because I'm privileged enough to be born in Norway, where education is free and everyone has a solid safety net, but I've never understood why anyone would take on the financial responsibility for a romantic partner (or let themselves be financially dependent on a romantic partner). Surely it must upset the balance of the relationship?

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Brendan
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While I was unemployed, my girlfriend (now wife) supported the both of us with her wage, and we barely got by. It did upset the balance, and we argued every night. She resented me for having to pay for everything, and I was ashamed for having to rely on her. Thank God we're past that, and both have good jobs.

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BlackPearltheSeaWing/NightWing
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tell him since you didn't give him enough attention he should just give you all your money you spent on him back

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Iʕ •ᴥ•ʔ
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

( the guy ) Douchebag , you probably should take away his next year school and lo behold , he’s crying like he deserves to and becomes a broke asshole .

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StrawberryParfait
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And this is why we never help build a man, ladies. They don't appreciate it, or respect you for it. Let him get there on his own, under his own steam. He can come find you once he's made it. In the meantime, stick with the men who have already proven their achievements.

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Ivana
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Kind of in a similar situation but minus the cheating. Husband was very supportive of me during my graduate degree. I worked full time and was the primary care giver for my dying father. Got to work at 7am and left around 10-11pm. weekends spent caring for my dad and getting his meal prep done. First two years were fine, then my husband hit me with this massive guilt, that he was lonely, depressed, needed attention. I couldn't drop anything I was doing, I paid 80% of the bills because I have a really good job. He just broke and so did I, made me feel like a failure. Then my dad died, covid hit, working until 2am because I work in healthcare research. First time in 13 years we had any issues. Was an entire year of hell. He feels really horrible, but it has made us focus on each other now that we have the time to. Honestly I got to the point where I told him he should date someone, but just not tell me about it, he said he couldn't do that which I appreciate greatly. Horrible time.

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Jan Ferguson
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

selfish prick! I lived with one of those back in the day and never saw my $$$ once he received his college grant he pissed off to Ibiza, the local taxi driver told me!

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Xan Maranya
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A close relationship where the guy expects you to "put out" for him. hmmm

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Lol1234
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Actually the lack of attention excuse is commonly used by bored housewives. He did his research well.

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Unaffected
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sue him for every penny you paid for putting him through his school

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Leesa DeAndrea
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's not why. That's just his excuse because HE is a shitty person.

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HammerzToe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That kind of thing is so hurtful. Don't worry about ever getting even or thinking of revenge. Life, Karma, has a way of getting people like that. Getting them and doing to them something three times worse than what they did to you.

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Mickie Shea
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

On the bright side you housed and fed him without having to have him poke you.

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Flavia Slag
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know a few women who put their boyfriend/husband through college and when they graduated left them for someone else. Some had kids.

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Elle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a woman, know what your role is. You played the role of his mother. Women should not be with men that cannot take care of themselves.

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Zachariah Groat
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would definitely suggest legal action, and try to get your money back.

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Melvin Dragvelk
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2 years ago

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Well were you "putting out" enough? Paying the bills doesn't equate to love making.

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Jade Lynn - Panda's Brat
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is hard to put out when you're tired from supporting two people... Maybe he should have worked while going to school if he wanted her to put out more.

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denzoren
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm really sorry I laughed..it's something about the wording. I hope you ended it.

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If someone close to you is going through a heartbreak, Kate suggests being supportive and spending time with them. In extreme cases when the problem persists, it’s best to turn to coaching and counselling for help. However, “Be aware that we can only help people so much, sometimes they need to help themselves,” she added.

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Most importantly, Kate concluded that “we are not rejected by others, we reject ourselves by staying in a relationship with someone who isn't really committed, or into us.”

“This self-rejection is the worst part, so have boundaries and standards for yourself. Set your standards high, don't stay for the sake of it. Taking this action will increase your self-esteem and your attraction level too,” the dating coach concluded.

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Kathryn Baylis
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And he gets all douchey like that when 100% of the attention isn’t on him.

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AzKhaleesi
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well at least he was honest...I guess. My ex was such a narcissistic F**K that everything was EVERYONE else's fault. Didn't matter what it was, it was always someone else.

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Kathryn Baylis
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That “damn” was him being selfishly pissed off at the delayed/canceled booty call, because he canceled other plans with his bros for it. Nothing more. Hope you dumped him right then.

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Jon S.
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you've never had anxiety or a panic attack it can seem like childishness to witness someone break down over a simple task, but my god the distress is so real (and we are usually perfectly aware it is also irrational).

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Kathryn Baylis
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hope you dumped him, because being with him would ruin your life.

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Kathryn Baylis
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No one makes us do anything, unless they’re physically forcing us to. Otherwise, we CHOOSE our reactions, even if we don’t realize it. He could’ve chosen not to cheat, but instead he gave in to his impulses, then tried to project his guilt on you. You are innocent. He’s the guilty party. Hope you dumped his cheating ass.

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Jon S.
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I mean, if you were in the middle of an argument it might have been the best thing to do. You cannot expect someone to switch from defensive to supportive because of tears. The most you can expect is that with reflection they see how important the issue is to you.

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Trillian
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Shouldn't it be surprising that HE is still alive after that day (assuming he is)?

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Kathryn Baylis
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m 60, and discovered decades ago that some adults are so childish—-rude, impulsive, selfish, and totally lacking in critical thinking skills, empathy, and a filter between their brains and their mouths—-that they DO need to be told to be nice to others. Sometimes they’re so devoid of even the most basic social skills that they actually need to be taught HOW to be nice to others, as well. We need to do a better job raising our children, folks, so this population of sociopaths decreases instead of increases.

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Aunt Messy
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Drive away in your new car and don't look back. Let him abuse his new fuckpuppet.

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denzoren
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Guys like this are usually all in for an open relationship but would start crying if the woman was getting more attention.

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Kathryn Baylis
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

“Best friend”, my ass. Leave him to her. He’ll soon learn the grass isn’t always greener somewhere else. It happened to me a couple times when I was single. They both came running back pretty quickly, knocking on my door, and begging me to forgive them and to take them back. They both got my door slammed in their faces, and I couldn’t give a s**t just how long they stood there before it dawned on them that they weren’t going to be let in my house, that they pissed on—-and lost—-the affection of a much better person than the ones they left me for, and it was all their own stupid horndog fault.

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