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Man Asks Why Women Take Or Refuse To Take Their Husband’s Last Name And Gets 34 Responses
For generations, women were obliged to take their husband’s surname after marriage and it was rarely questioned. It wasn’t just tradition, it often came with perks: their driver’s license, voter registration, or even their credit card may have depended on it.
Legal and cultural pressures are easing today, but the choice still carries weight.
A man recently posted on social media that he might not want to marry a woman who didn't want to accept his last name. He then asked women if they plan to take their husband’s last name or keep their own.
The replies did not disappoint — from practical reasons to personal beliefs, here are some of the most honest explanations woman gave for either keeping or changing their last names.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Well…. I’ve been married for over 40 years and took my husbands name, but now Republicans are floating the idea that I need to show proof of my birth name to vote. What if I didn’t have access to my birth certificate and other documents? It’s a form of voter suppression against women and perhaps we should keep our names to survive in this nation. It’s not always about you.
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#2
Ah. The smell of misogyny in the morning.
If a man can’t respect that a woman has a whole identity outside of him, he’s not marriage material. Because he fails to see women as people and instead sees them as property.
#3
3 things, in order:
1. My husband didn’t get the PhD I did, my name stays
2. It’s the last thing I have left of my dad who passed when I was 16
3. My last name is cooler 😂
And….my husband doesn’t care because he loves me for far more than just a last name
Gender equality has come a long way over the past few decades and in many countries, women now have more freedom to make their own choices. But somehow, the tradition of women taking their husband’s last name is still going strong.
According to a 2025 survey in the US, about 69% of married women say they took their partner’s last name after they got married, while 29% kept the last name they were born with.
Past research findings do show that there is now a positive uptick in the number of women keeping their own name, especially among younger generations.
In the 2010s, roughly 22% of women kept their birth name after marriage, compared with under 15% before the 1970s.
#4
I will keep my last name. I run my own practice. Everything I have achieved has been done on my name and I am proud of that. I am the first in our family to have achieved a lot of things and I am proud of who I am and what my surname has come to represent because of my hard work and years of sacrifice. I would hope that I will marry a man whose sense of identity and self worth in our relationship is not anchored to his surname.
mary thelen 9 hours ago
No, she's just saying her achievements are her own and her husband's are his own. His sense of his own value should not depend on claiming her as his possession by insisting she take his name. That was the original significance of the tradition of a woman taking her husband's name: she was becoming his property.
#5
What benefit does a husband's name provide us? We already have a name. Who does things that don't have a benefit?
Lady Eowyn 12 hours ago
Well, my SIL said she changed her name to my brother's name because it's a lot shorter and easier to fit on credit card applications, so I guess that was a benefit. LOL.
#6
in some places, like Quebec, getting married doesn’t automatically mean changing a last name.
By law, women keep their birth name after marriage.
It’s simply a legal difference, not a reflection of love or commitment.
For them a marriage is built on unity, not paperwork.
Billo66 13 hours ago (edited)
I've always seen it as an opportunity to change names if they wish. Doesn't matter to me. Saves the fee to have it done otherwise. Yeah, men have the same opportunity :) Maybe I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum which is what I am. I coulda been a contender...
A man changing his name? That’s a rare sight.
A 2025 survey of Americans shows less than 1% changed their surname after marriage. Of these, some took their wife’s family name, some hyphenated, and some invented entirely new surnames.
This shows that surname practices are deeply rooted in traditional gender roles. Many people don’t even consider asking a man to change his name because it isn’t viewed as a social expectation.
In some cultures, it was, and still is, believed that women “belong” first to their fathers, then to their husbands.
A recent study found that men who do adopt their wife’s surname are sometimes seen as having less power in the relationship.
#7
We're getting married later than we used to. Changing a legal name has a lot of steps for starters and a lot of it has to be done in person so literally standing in line all day. I personally have financial/business matters in my maiden name which is another set of hoops to jump through when I legally have a new name.
Socially, I'll be Mrs. [Husband's name] to everyone we meet. But, PLEASE don't make me do the paperwork.
Fire Singer 9 hours ago
I did take my husbands last name, because it was just what you did - I don't regret it or anything, but if I'd known how much work it was to change my name I never would have done it and we'd still be just as happy now.
#8
I did not change my name because historically women did it because they had no rights outside of their husband. There was no way I was continuing a patriarchal tradition that was rooted in ownership. If you can explain why a man doesn't consider changing his name WITHOUT resorting to/leaning on patriarchy and its progeny, a conversation can be had.
#9
My husband felt that sharing the same surname was an important symbol of unity. I asked if it really mattered to him. He said yes, a lot. I said that it wasn’t important to me, but if he wanted to change his name to mine I was fine with that, and the strangest thing: suddenly changing his name would be a tremendous inconvenience to his working life, and to people staying in touch with him. He laughs about it now, several decades later. Our sons have his surname and our daughter has my surname.
Daisydaisy 19 hours ago
I did the same: my daughters have my surname, my sons have their dad's. It solves the problem of double-barrelled surnames which are only practical for one generation
Haley Metzger, a millennial from Colorado, went viral on TikTok recently after speaking out against the tradition of women taking their husband’s last names.
She explained that the practice goes back to a time when women were seen as their husbands’ property.
“Pretty ugly origins for a tradition that most people are still upholding,” she said in the video.
“Obviously people have their own reasons for why they want to have the same name as their partner. You want your kids to have the same name as both of their parents, or it's romantic to have the same name. But if those were really the reasons then why don't we see more men taking their wives' name?” she questioned.
She pointed out that some men seem to treat taking a woman’s last name as if it were humiliating, which says a lot about how they view women taking their name.
#10
My last name won an Olympic medal, and means velvet. No I’m not changing it. Whoever HE is he can change his to mine.
#11
Many reasons:
1. It is illegal in my country to change my name to my husband's.
2. I was a person already when I met him.
3. I have awesome parents, which have given me a solid foundation for my future. Their name is mine forever.
4. We are a marriage, equal partners for everything except in the risks taken in order to form a family. So my surname went first and he knew it would be like that since we became serious.
5. My husband is strong enough to accept a strong woman.
#12
No man will ever convince me that his last name is more important to me than mine. Additionally, why are women the only ones who are required to literally change their identities in order to be coupled?
Even before a woman decides whether to change her last name, marriage already shifts how the world sees her. Suddenly, her title becomes “Mrs,” to prove she’s now someone’s wife.
Add a surname change on top of that, and it’s like rewriting her whole official identity.
In today’s digital age, all the work, connections, or achievements under your maiden name can vanish online if you suddenly change it.
All your documents need updating whether it’s your passport, driver’s license, bank accounts, or professional profiles.
It’s not just annoying, it can cost you time and even career opportunities.
#13
I didn’t take my husbands last name because I didn’t want too point blank. We are an interracial couple and his last name would have changed my name on a cultural level that I was not comfortable with. Culturally speaking, women don’t change their last names where my family is from. Children carry two last names. We agreed our children would have his last name and that I would keep mine. It was a compromise that we haven’t had an issue with.
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 17 hours ago
I've always wondered... where children carry two last names, when they then have children of their own, they will, presumably, have to choose which of their two last names to pass on. At some point, one of the two grandparents is going to be overlooked.
#14
I was on the path to becoming a doctor. Why would I credit his family while mine fought a communist regime, fled our homeland, moved to Europe, then America. I put in the work. Not him. His family doesn't value education. Hell, some of his family won't admit what's actually happening in America because they have to confront themselves.
Long story short, my last name means a LOT to me. It's not just a name. It's held up against multiple regimes, immigration, and if I ever complete my PhD
Chris the Bobcat 7 hours ago
More power to you. Determination and perseverance are powerful traits.
#15
My partner and I have talked about taking a new last name because he doesn’t want to be tied to his family and I already changed my name once for my first husband so we are going with a totally new name together!
Your names are not mere words on a paper — it’s your identity, it tells people who you are and how you fit into the world.
When society assumes a woman will take her husband’s name, it isn’t a neutral choice, it shapes how she sees herself.
If your name is treated as temporary, or as something you give away, it can make you feel less independent.
Instead of being simply yourself, you can end up being “someone’s wife,” “someone’s mother,” or “someone’s daughter.”
#16
I took my first husband’s name and changed back after our divorce. I did not take my second husband’s name. It’s a HASSLE and he doesn’t care because he’s not an insecure prick.
Aileen Grist 12 hours ago
I have 3 first names and have been married twice. Because I changed my name back after my divorce, at my second wedding it was Aileen Elizabeth Sheila Chadwick also known as Aileen Elizabeth Sheila Hill, every time my name was mentioned.
#17
I don’t have much sentimentality in me. But I’m very much a fan of things that just sound nice. When I got married I liked the sound of the new name so much better than my maiden name, and having my maiden name as my middle just messed it all up. So I dropped my last name. Now it’s reverse alliteration, all my names end in A and it sounds light and fluffy, easy to pronounce common names yet very unique in combination. The choice has nothing to do w my husband
Luke || Kira (he/she) 9 hours ago
😁 The OP has to be a poet or some sort of artist. It's a 100% valid reason tho.
#18
My name has been my identity as long as I can remember. I am the only child of my family. If I change it, it’s gone. It is a signifier of my cultural heritage, which I’m very proud of. In my professional life, I am credited with it and recognized for it. Giving it up is not only a logistical nightmare, but would make me feel as though I am turning my back on huge parts of who I am.
If one day someone said, your last name is now O’Connell, forget your old one, that’s who you are. You’d be cool?
For women, even today the decision isn’t purely personal. Family expectations, religion, kids, and career all play a role.
And given the social judgment of a misogynistic culture, it’s no wonder why some women would decide that a name change is the path of least resistance.
Recent surveys show Americans are far more likely to have a positive view of a woman taking her spouse’s last name (58%) than of a man taking his spouse’s last name (20%).
#19
I kept my name—partly because it’s my professional name and partly because my name is easier to spell than his, and partly because it was my name for 30+ years and I liked it. He, fine fellow, wasn’t fazed in the least.
I’m also old enough to remember that all my mother’s credit cards were in my father’s name. She marveled when I got one in my own name. You don’t let go of that.
#20
Mitochondrial DNA is passed through the maternal bloodline. My progeny will have my last name.
#21
I like my name and I don't like my husbands, I also had my grandma walk me down the aisle and I told my husband that if he "asked my dad for my hand in marriage" I would never marry him. I am my own person, not my fathers', not my husbands'.
But there are some women who say they don’t feel pressured and genuinely believe taking a partner’s name is justified — they want the same family name, or his surname sounds nicer. Some even go on to say that their last name is just their dad’s anyway.
Tradition is another reason. “Some things have just always been done, and so people don’t question them. They don’t counter them,” says Deborah Carr, a professor of sociology at University of Boston.
Some people might also wish to distance themselves from their biological parents.
“Somebody who wasn’t close to their parents or felt hurt by them (and) didn’t really like being identified as a Smith or a Jones or whomever, would welcome the idea of a new surname that wasn’t their own,” says Joshua Coleman, a psychologist in private practice in Oakland, California.
#22
Do you know why I took my husband’s last name because it was 4 letters and mine was 9 letters. It’s just easier. I only think in practical terms.
#24
More than likely hyphenated. I’m 35, and I’ve accomplished things, and I’m known by many with THIS last name. At this point it’ll be too confusing to change it.
I also feel like if you’re a man that feels that strongly about a name, then you MAY be too patriarchal and traditional in other aspects for me as well.
I have my Mom’s middle name, so I don’t want to drop that. My mind may change about the name thing. Idk.
After several comments on his post, the man who had asked the question on social media shared how he didn’t expect the “onslaught of insults, slander and hate filled comments.”
“I'm an American, so I have American values. And, I'm a Christian, so I don't expect love or agreement from those who don't share my faith. But, I would appreciate if people were more respectful,” he added in an update.
#25
For me it was simply identity change. I married a white man and I didn’t want a ‘white’ last name. I wanted to keep my last name so I can keep my culture, ethnicity, indigenous Christian religion (some Arabic last names tell you what religion you are)
#26
When I was married, I kept my last name simply because my ex-husband’s last name was kind of embarrassing, and I still do this day. Can’t say it without laughing. My ex mother-in-law she may have changed her name, but she professionally and socially, went by her maiden name as well because the last name was that bad.
#27
I hyphenated my last name and his. I know it meant a lot to him that I take his name and I am very proud of my family name, and had it nearly 40 years before I ever got married. I don’t think it would have been a dealbreaker if I didn’t take his name. Also, his name sounds nice with mine. Some surnames I’m not willing to take.
#28
Having to change you surname after marriage is unthinkable to many in Europe, the custom of taking the husband's surname is not so wide-spread. Also it would completely break the already failing beurocratic system here in Spain. It is important for records to be able to trace family relations through surnames. Ppeople have 2 surnames here, paternal and maternal, they normally do not change after birth. With the divorce rates, it just seems impractical to change surnames.
Premislaus de Colo 16 hours ago
As much as I do not care whether my wife takes my last name or not, I have to say it is a VERY European thing by tradition - maybe not in Spain
#30
I want to hyphenate and hope he will too. Why? Because my last name has been with me until now, it’s on my licenses, diplomas, etc. And I’m proud to be associated with my family. I want to carry it on. My last name is important to me.
#31
I would like hyphenate it. My dad was the last person outside of my mom who carries the name.
#32
If he has a a white mans last name. I don’t know if I would. I would prefer us to take my grandfathers last name to carry our roots. BUT I’d be open to changing my middle name to my current last name and taking his as my last if it meant a lot to him. If he has an african last name I’d likely be happy to receive his last name but still may change my middle name to my last name to honour my family name.
#33
In my former marriage, I hyphenated my last name while still navigating identity and independence.
When I marry again, I’ll take my husband’s name as a conscious choice toward unity.
It’s not about benefit, it’s about conviction formed through experience.
#34
I want to take my husband’s last name because I become a part of him and his family. To me it will be an honor and a privilege.
Julie Rogers 2 hours ago
Her account includes how to venmo her money if "you're feeling generous." That tracks with her speaking in a way that will attract men who think women shouldn't work.
What do you think ?
LakotaWolf (she/her) 21 hours ago
Oh, I just found this on Quora from the original author of the question: "Wow... I didn't expect the onslaught of insults, slander, and hate filled comments from feminists and foreigners. But, I'm not easily offended. I actually appreciate the transparency in the feedback, whether I agreed with it or not. I'm an American, so I have American values. And, I'm a Christian, so I don't expect love or agreement from those who don't share my faith. But, I would appreciate if people were more respectful." - he also said "I don't know if I would marry a woman who didn't want to accept my last name." So in other words, this question was asked on Quora by a fragile, egotistical, patriarchal Tate-male.
Vinnie 11 hours ago
If the woman not taking his surname is a deal-breaker, I hope he mentions that pretty much on the first date. If his rule is a deal-breaker for her, she hasn't wasted much time.
Load More Replies...
Miki 15 hours ago (edited)
I am a guy. I couldn't not imagine taking someone else's name. So why the f̷u̵c̴k̶ would I expect this from anyone else?
Ludwig Michiel 16 hours ago (edited)
Here in Belgium a woman's last name isn't legally changed by marriage. From my limited experience, the very few women here who insist on being called "Mrs husband's last name" are often married to a man with high societal status.
Julie Rogers 2 hours ago
For what it's worth, marriage doesn't change a woman's name legally in the US either. It's just traditional to pressure the woman to take her husband's last name. She still has to file paperwork with the government, her bank and credit cards, etc, to change her name legally. Parents in the US mostly can pick the kid's last name. If they disagree, children of married couples tend to get Dad's last name but children of unmarried couples tend to get mom's
Load More Replies... LakotaWolf (she/her) 21 hours ago
Oh, I just found this on Quora from the original author of the question: "Wow... I didn't expect the onslaught of insults, slander, and hate filled comments from feminists and foreigners. But, I'm not easily offended. I actually appreciate the transparency in the feedback, whether I agreed with it or not. I'm an American, so I have American values. And, I'm a Christian, so I don't expect love or agreement from those who don't share my faith. But, I would appreciate if people were more respectful." - he also said "I don't know if I would marry a woman who didn't want to accept my last name." So in other words, this question was asked on Quora by a fragile, egotistical, patriarchal Tate-male.
Vinnie 11 hours ago
If the woman not taking his surname is a deal-breaker, I hope he mentions that pretty much on the first date. If his rule is a deal-breaker for her, she hasn't wasted much time.
Load More Replies... Miki 15 hours ago (edited)
I am a guy. I couldn't not imagine taking someone else's name. So why the f̷u̵c̴k̶ would I expect this from anyone else?
Ludwig Michiel 16 hours ago (edited)
Here in Belgium a woman's last name isn't legally changed by marriage. From my limited experience, the very few women here who insist on being called "Mrs husband's last name" are often married to a man with high societal status.
Julie Rogers 2 hours ago
For what it's worth, marriage doesn't change a woman's name legally in the US either. It's just traditional to pressure the woman to take her husband's last name. She still has to file paperwork with the government, her bank and credit cards, etc, to change her name legally. Parents in the US mostly can pick the kid's last name. If they disagree, children of married couples tend to get Dad's last name but children of unmarried couples tend to get mom's
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