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“What’s Something You Wish Someone Had Told You When You Were Younger?”: 40 Useful Tips Shared By The Bored Panda Community
Interview
We learn not only from our mistakes or victories but also from other people. Be it someone you look up to, or a neighbor that was in a similar situation, we tend to follow some tips and tricks told by others.
Getting advice from parents, grandparents and teachers, what's the best advice you ever got? And what's something you wish someone had told you when you were younger? Scroll down for the answers shared by the Bored Panda community! Maybe you'll find something inspiring.
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Always, ALWAYS, listen to your gut. If something doesn’t feel right in the pit of your stomach, trust your instincts.
To get to know more about the meaning of advice and how it affects people, Bored Panda contacted Susan K. Whitbourne, a Professor Emerita of Psychological and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst.
Firstly, we wanted to know how a piece of advice affects our ways of being or acting. The professor replied that it's often very difficult to ensure that people will follow the advice that you offer. "They have to see that your advice serves a specific need and it has to be timed so that it shows how it's relevant to that need. Advice can easily be misinterpreted, even if it's offered with the best of intentions. Timing is everything but so is the wording that you use to offer the advice. It's important not to put the other person on the defensive by beginning with words that could be interpreted as critical."
My Grandma always said, "consider the source." when someone said something bad or hurtful.
Your coworkers are not your friends.
What is good advice? According to Susan K. Whitbourne, great advice "serves the positive goal of helping people see ways that they can improve but the flip side of this is that they learn from the advice about tips for improving in the future."
Go where you are celebrated, not just tolerated. (Helped me snap out of a toxic relationship!)
Manners cost nothing but get you everywhere.
After being asked whether the advice we get contributes to forming our personality or whether self-taught lessons are of better value, the professor replied that self-taught lessons are great, but they may need a 'booster shot' from the lessons you gain from others. "Sometimes people don't have the perspective to see when they're heading in the wrong direction, which is where carefully worded advice that is tailored to the individual can have the greatest value."
“Life isn't a fairy tale. If you lose a shoe at midnight, you're drunk.”
― Darynda Jones
Get to know your parents. You never know when they will be gone for good.
As a student-teacher, I was advised to always make friends (real friends, not fake friends) with the school secretary, lunch lady, custodian and IT person. With their help, you can do anything you need. I no longer teach, but this advice has proven true in every job I've had.
As a CIO I travel the world each week to each of our factories and offices. The receptionist (who are often also the telephone operator) at every site are all key contacts that I quickly get to know personally. I know their names, their kids names, family pets, birthdays, births, deaths, marriages etc, they know mine. We often catch up for a while whilst I'm travelling, arriving or watiing for a car to leave. Same with great people who drove the company cars and buses shuttling us between airports, hotels are our locations. We have hundreds of locations. On the frequent times glitches crop up with my interaries, these are the wonderful people who will go out of their way to remove my problems and keep me safe/housed/travelling etc. People are people the world over at any level - respect anyone irrespective of their salary, grade, religion, language, gender etc. People who pull rank or ignore others as they feel superior due to their role or position are generally a*****s
1. Don't take criticism from someone you wouldn't accept advice from.
2. For panic attacks, intrusive thoughts, etc. think of 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can feel, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.
3. Learn to accommodate yourself and work with your limitations instead of fighting them.
Drink 8-12 ounces of water when you first get up in the morning; you're dehydrated and your body and brain will work a lot better if they don't think they're dying of thirst.
Always ask: is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? - before saying anything. IF it fails any of those three tests, do not say it.
I think it's supposed to meet *two out of three* of those criteria. So for example, if something is true and necessary, it should be said whether it is kind or not. If something is true and kind, say it even if there is no other reason. And if only say something untrue on the occasion that is both kind and necessary.
If you see someone without a smile give them one of yours. (Thank you, Dolly Parton.)
Never write anything in a work email that you wouldn’t mind being read out in court.
When we first got computers at school a teacher was hired to do her job plus be the IT person. I would send her emails about issues with the computer and she would send nasty replies and never do her job she was paid to do. I waited a couple of weeks and got a stack of them. Then replied " you know emails can be printed out". Then I acted on it.
Famous one: back in the 70s, Readers Digest once made a survey: "What is the No. 1 advice fathers give to their sons?" They expected some sophisticated or philosophical answers about life and relationships, but the winning answer (by a huge margin) was much more concrete:
"Brush your teeth BEFORE you put on a fresh shirt."
I have to say this advice has never failed me.
I remember once being told - "take your time, think a lot. Think of everything you've got. For you will still be here tomorrow. But your dreams may not"
(1) No. It is a complete sentence.
(2) Keep your family and friends out of your financial business, out of your intimate relationship/marriage business and keep your opinion about your friends/family spouse/gf/bf to yourself
(3) How you Live is YOUR business.
If they (family, friends, co-workers) do not like it..
Ask them this: How are MY life choices affecting YOUR life???
Exactly! When I was with my former employer (retired now), we had a Manager’s meeting that was going around in circles about how to respond to a recent politically delicate, yet absurd resource request. When it came my turn to contribute, I said simply “ ‘NO!’ is a perfectly good answer” and left it at that. Well, I was puzzled that others in the room were taken by surprise by what I thought to be obvious, and no one could offer any counter argument. At my retirement some years later, a few colleagues echoed that back to me as one of their most memorable moments, and to this day I do not understand why.
Don't lose better chasing perfect
Apologies Glasia, first time posting and it didn't look like it had saved when I hit the button. I did report it as a duplicate and ask for it to be deleted. If there is a way I can do that myself I would be happy to learn it
If you'll be ashamed when someone finds out you did something, don't do it. (My dad)
I was told, never do anything to you don't want to explain to paramedics.
Regret is a wasted emotion. You can't change the past.
One of my best pieces of advice was not to tell people hurtful information if they can't do anything about it. This is very situational though.
Nearly everything in life is situational, but not telling people hurtful things is generally going to be okay. That said, there will be times when it’s a kindness to tell someone they’re being delusional…just find a way to be gentle about how you tell them,
It’s okay if someone doesn’t like you.
Just because someone calls or texts, doesn’t mean you have to be available.
Important or meaningful conversations should not be done by text or email.
Apologizing and making things right is not a sign of weakness.
Be kind to others... but to a limit. You do not want to be taken advantage of.
In Les Miserables, Jean Valjean steals from the priest who gave him shelter and sneaks out into the night. The police apprehend him and return him to the priest to give back what he stole. The priest then asks his wife to fetch the silver. She argues, but he insists. Telling the policemen that Valjean had not stolen anything from him, he hands the silver to the thief, saying 'Here, you forgot to take this'. The priest insists that Valjean is set free as he has committed no crime and the officers acquiesce. This is a turning point in Valjean's life. My questions would be, at what point should you stop being kind and why are we so afraid of being taken advantage of? BTW I'm not religious.
Cheap products are the most expensive.
"You can always add, but you can never take away" My mother said this to me while I was dumping spoonfuls of sugar into tea. I use it whenever I am cooking and if she never said that to me I would be horrible at cooking/baking. Thanks mom!
Something my uncle taught me when I was learning. Thanks uncle Sonny !
When you are learning to drive always be looking for an out. You never know how much that quick glance around while driving will give you a place to go in an emergency.
I was taught this. I was also taught to ‘drive like everyone around you is an idiot’ and also ‘the right of way is yielded never taken.’ Just because that person is supposed to stop doesn’t mean they always will. It helps you prepare to react to others when they make mistakes. Seriously, think of how many times you’ve seen someone do something dumb when you’re driving.
Learn how to say no. Do it in a calm and pleasant way if possible but saying no is the key to following your own path in life.
Always change the toilet paper roll as soon as it is empty.
I'll do you one better... always stack a stash of roles within a reach
If your paretns, siblings or other family members do not treat you as an equal, stay away from them. They do not own you.
You might be happier cutting all ties to your family.
Life is too short to be around miserable, toxic people. Sometimes the best way to deal with them is to cut them out of your life. Your well-being is important.
Always have multiple back-ups, you'll never know what could happen and who could stab you in the back.
Other people's opinions of you are none of your business.
I kind of like knowing what other people think. Is that bad? To actually want to hear another person's opinion?
If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?
Forgive others, not for them but for yourself
You need to let go. For yourself. Not them. Let go of the bitterness, and the hate, and the hostility. Try to maybe see where they were coming from. But that doesn't mean you EVER have to say it was OK. Or invite them to dinner. Forgiveness has been misunderstood. Better said is to let go. And you are always allowed to feel it wasn't OK. There is too much pressure to "forgive" nowadays. And what that means has become twisted. Some people are predators and should always be viewed so. Even though we can have compassion for what got them there. It doesn't make it OK and it doesn't make them safe. And knowing that is 100% totally fine!!
A little piece of advice my therapist gave me when I was in a dark place: Always ask, is it realistic? Does this thought properly portray the situation? Is it helpful? Does this thought help you work through whatever is going on? That and my told me, "You will make it through this, you just need to hold out for the other side. If all you have the energy or motivation to do is breathe, then you just lay down and breathe."
Try to only worry about the things you can actually control.
(Easier said than done.)
Think on it, understand it, solve it. Worry? worry will just get in the way. Worry is useless, it just interferes. Why bother?
"You are not your job, you’re not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. " - Tyler Durden, Fight Club -
Power is not absolute but power can corrupt absolutely.
"Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely." Lord Acton
Never buy small, cheap tools. You will always encounter a task at which they fail.
Yep, buy a sledgehammer right away, never just a normal hammer again. If it fails the task, buy larger one. Same with screwdriver - if it doesn’t fit, keep buying larger ones, until it fits. Trust me, if it doesn’t work for you, you’re not buying large enough tools /s
When you have hiccups bend over, hold your breath and guzzle water to get rid of them.
Never let someone tell you twice that they don't want you
Although this isn't necessarily life-changing, it's something which has stuck with me for about 50 years. My uncle, a master mechanic, was replacing the brakes on my father's car. I took the opportunity to watch intently, but was clueless. He explained it was relatively easy because, if you proceeded with care and realized something was out of place, you could simply look at the opposite wheel to figure out what was wrong. The bigger lessons of patience and having a reference point extend well beyond fixing automobiles.
Get yourself a good pair of shoes and a good bed, if you're not in one you're in the other.
Don't pee on an electric fence.
"Doing something that gives you anxiety helps you grow as a person. If you stay in your comfort zone, it will never grow." - my history teacher who occasionally said something smart
As someone with anxiety, this one really helped me improve. Phone calls are scary, but the more I make them, the closer they get to my comfort zone
That everyone has their own sense of self-worth & dignity. If you respect that, you can accomplish more with their help than you can alone.
When we moved in with my MIL, we had a guy that lived above us that would play Beach Boys music really loud every day. I told my MIL that it was high time someone told him to keep it down. She said "People who complain about noise are very rarely aware of how much noise they make themselves."
Turned out the guy that lived above us was a local police officer that worked night shifts and the loud music was a way for him to drown out outside noise so he could sleep. After I found out, I also realized he was drowning out the running and squealing my son did on a daily basis.
So I get it..it's like "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." But the Beach Boys? *Shudder.....
Advice from Q to James Bond: ALWAYS have an exit strategy. You don't have to explain, you don't have to say you're coming back. There are a lot of situations that waste your time or are potentially dangerous. Don't be goaded into anything. Don't stick around if you feel something is wrong or you're just not interested. And use that EXIT!
"Tomorrow isn't guaranteed"...stop procrastinating and make the most of the time you have
assumption is the mother of all f**kups
You can't pour from an empty cup.
When my dad taught me how to drive he told me …”Always assume everyone else is an idiot”, in other words assume no one else follows thd rules of the road…it has kept me highly alert when I drive even sll these years later! ❤️
The only laws other drivers are garunteed to follow are the laws of physics.
KISS...keep it simple stupid.
Life's short. Hug that friend, compliment them, tell them you love them and live life to the fullest.
A friend's aunt once told us then-teenagers, "stop worrying about what others think of you; most people don't spend time thinking about you."
I liked a poster I saw that said, " I'd tried to keep an open mind and all my brains fell out." It's important to be objective and non-judgmental, but not to the extent that you lose all sense of your moral compass.
Talk less, listen more, examine closely.
It's ok to disagree.
dont eat the yellow snow
Apply the 24 hr rule: If you feel yourself getting angry at home or work, walk away from the situation and deal with it after you've had time to calm down and think. Don't let your temper lead you down a path you may regret.
It takes me 48 hours. And if I walk out of a situation angry, let me go.
My Grandfather's.
Better to be 10 minutes late in life, than 20 years too early in death.
I was 20 years late to my first AA meeting. And, as of early September, 15 years late to my premature death.
Go to your death without grudges, without regrets; take only love.
I'd had a falling out with my mom. Didn't talk with her for almost 3 years. Then realized we were both getting older, reached out and made amends. We had 6 more years together before her death. She had always told me "don't do anything you're going to regret." Those six years mean more to me than I can say, a lot more than a petty argument.
Kindness is its own reward!
I've come to realize that staying angry and mean takes a lot more energy.
When I was a little girl, my fringe (bangs) got cut VERY short in a school scissors thing. I was crying to my mother about it after I had unsuccessfully tried to fix it. She combed the bits of hair out and told me, "If you can't hide it, paint it red."
I have lived by that motto for 50 years now. It's never let me down. My husband loved it so much that he took it on himself when I first told him about it 26 years ago. It's stood him in good stead as well.
I miss her so much, but I will always have her guiding me with this and other sage advice.
Happiness isn’t having what you want but wanting what you have
From my grandmother Queenie; 1st, Everything you do today affects everything you will do tomorrow. 2nd, If you don’t have the time to do it right when will you have the time to do it over? My sons have promised to have both of these carved on my tombstone!
Along with, “I Beat Bowzer.” But that’s another Panda post altogether.
I use #2 with my daughter a lot. Take your time and do it right the first time. You'll make fewer mistakes, and when you do make a mistake, it's easier to find and correct.
Suffering does not “build” character. It reveals it! If you are resilient, loyal, honest and dependable then you will prevail.
Emotions are not facts, they're guide posts. They're telling you how you feel about a situation, not the situation itself.
"Listen to your body" sounds obvious, but for someone with an invisible illness this is tough
Even with some 'invisible' illness you can have a feeling that something is strange. That pushed me to have a lab test while I was pregnant, appeared I had preeclampsia, no signs, blood pressure still normal, fortunately they hospitalized me. I suddenly became very sick (severe preeclampsia) and I had an emergency C section. I could have died and my baby too.
(UK) A friend of mine many years ago said that you need to take your time when eating a Sunday roast dinner. Probably for an hour., keep the gravy warm to top up. Savour it, A roast dinner in the UK on a Sunday is generally a gathering with loved ones; between eating you’re conversing and drinking good wine. Then afterwards the men have a nap. Job Done.
Do things the lazy way-- do them right the first time so that you don't have to keep doing them again and again to correct your mistakes.
You will never suffered enough to make someone else happy
Saying "please" and "thank you" to people
"Pay it forward". Sometimes people do things for you which you cannot possibly reciprocate, but you can keep the "karma" (for want of a better word) flowing by doing the same for other people, when you can, even if it won't benefit you directly.
(I'm not talking about paying for the next person's coffee or burger here).
Not given to me but more like I read it online. Sorry, can't remember the source. It goes like this: raise your children well and spoil your grandchildren later; if you spoil your children, you'll have to raise your grandchildren
"If you're lonely when you're alone, you are in bad company."
In other words: love yourself and if you don't, work on it.
There (but for the grace of god) go I.
I didn't understand this until later in life. Basically it means 'that could be me had it not been for circumstance'. I hold this in my heart when I see people less fortunate to remember to always see a person first and everything else second.
Never argue with someone dumber than you. You can't win. This was advice from my dad, when I called my mom out for not using the subjective tense. I was a prissy know-it-all, but it was still good advice.
Dr Doyle says; "You can't have a conversation with a liar" True that, but the denser ones too.
My dad once told me, "You don't have to do everything." We're both perfectionist workaholics. He prefaced it by saying it took him years to figure that out.
Your Dad should'a' told me that 30-40 years ago! -or somebody should'a.
Always think of the consequences.
From my mom: ALWAYS put fresh sheets on the bed before leaving for vacation. It's a great part of coming home.
Always over tip, unless the service is just horrible.
My advice that I was given was that you should always do things in moderations. Are you a big drinker? Drink less
Do you like to eat a lot? Eat less. Do things that will keep you healthy, but also that you enjoy. A mix of both. If you eat too much you will gain weight, so eat enough to the point where it feels good, but not to the point where you feel full
Not everyone who is overweight has an eating and/or drinking problem…some of us just don’t like a wide enough variety of foods to maintain a healthy diet.
Surround yourself with people who lift you up
Don’t be an idiot
Every time I go to do something I ask myself “would an idiot do this thing?” If the answer is yes, I do not so that thing.
Dwight Schrute received this advice from Micheal Scott but now I live by it too so I think it qualifies.
I like what he told Ryan after Ryan didn't get a sale: "sometimes you can do everything right and still fail." Learning that I'm only in control of my effort and the outcome is not in my control was a huge deal for me.
When trying to fix something, I always remember my father saying "If it was working, what was the last thing you f**ked with? Because that is probably what is broken now." You have to understand that my father rarely used profanity. So him dropping an f-bomb made it really memorable.
My colleague has a circulation flow chart: is it broken? => yes => what did you change
A clean car is a happy car. Thanks dad.
I drive a 2002 BMW 325i and I love everything about this car; and that's the sole reason why I have and drive it. And so that I don't get suspected of having and driving it for the sake of prestige, to show off, I just don't wash it anymore. And it looks it. Drives my wife nuts.
From Dad on the importance of living within my means: Don't let your income be less than your out-go.
I was a little stupid with money in my 20s, but I live by that now in my 40s
"Get the big picture". I was watching a driver's ed video in class back in the 80's and this was one of their driving tips. Get the big picture, make sure you're aware of everything going on around you, not just what's in front of you. For some reason, that always stuck with me and I still think about it. No idea why. I mean, it's good advice, but still. It's strange what stays with you.
Don't be friends with people you don't hang out with
I have started using the 5-5 rule. If it won’t affect you in 5 years then it’s not worth spending 5 minutes over. It helped me prioritise many things in my life
Wasn't speedy enough to get in on the list, so I'll add mine here. My mom pounded into my head, and then I into my children's: no one can make you feel any particular way without your consent. Your friend at school cannot "hurt " your feelings without your permission, essentially. Easier said than done, but if you can pull it off, it works!
I always knew it as "No one can embarass you. It is only you that can feel embarassed."
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I have started using the 5-5 rule. If it won’t affect you in 5 years then it’s not worth spending 5 minutes over. It helped me prioritise many things in my life
Wasn't speedy enough to get in on the list, so I'll add mine here. My mom pounded into my head, and then I into my children's: no one can make you feel any particular way without your consent. Your friend at school cannot "hurt " your feelings without your permission, essentially. Easier said than done, but if you can pull it off, it works!
I always knew it as "No one can embarass you. It is only you that can feel embarassed."
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