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Looking For Advice For New Dads? This Online Community Shares 51 Gems Of Fatherly Wisdom
Welcome, all rookie dads and soon-to-be fathers, to one of life's most incredible journeys! You've stepped into a world filled with love, joy, and countless priceless moments (and diapers). As you embark on this heartwarming adventure, we're here to offer you some advice for new dads to help you navigate the beautiful path of fatherhood.
Those adorable tiny humans will look up to you with eyes full of wonder. The best new-dad advice anyone can give you is to be prepared for the unexpected. Babies can surprise you at every turn — whether it's the first diaper explosion or the first time they grab your finger, every moment will be filled with love. It will be chaotic but rewarding. Another piece of golden advice for first-time dads: be present. Your tiny human needs your love and attention more than anything in the world. Give them your time. Soak up every giggle, grab every moment their tiny hand reaches for yours, and record every milestone. As the saying goes: they grow up too fast. Before you know it, those tiny hands will be reaching for independence.
We looked at Reddit to bring you the best advice for new dads. These new-dad tips cover everything from how to feed babies to silly things you can do to bond with your baby. A lot of them will tell you to embrace multitasking and get cozy with the concept of power napping to make up for the sleepless nights. We even found some tips for new fathers that'll teach you how to save money.
Fatherhood is a journey of growth. No one has it down perfectly. These tips on being a new dad will help you navigate fatherhood better. So, dear new dads, embrace the adventure ahead with open arms. Create memories and treasure the small moments. Dive into our new-dad advice to learn from the pros:
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"Get in shape now. You'll be carrying a lot more stuff and will be chasing your kid around soon enough."
chizkelly replied:
"This is underrated. Work on your core strength, back, and stamina."
Agreed. You want to be there for the kids as long as you can! Great advice for moms, too!
"Don't presume that you're going to 'create' your child's personality; that stuff comes factory-installed!"
bigfish42 replied:
"The best advice I got: Kids are like a bonsai tree. You can't change what kind of tree they are, and they're going to grow, but you can encourage that growth in some places and discourage it in others."
Oh my, yes!!! And this isn't about gender or gender roles. Encourage them in whatever they show an interest in. My daughter showed an interest in space around 3 years old; she's now 10, and I've learned more about black holes than I ever thought was even to know.
"Just hug them. There's never a wrong time."
insertcaffeine replied:
"Yes! You cannot spoil a baby with too much love. It is impossible."
Baby's don't cry for no reason. It's always because they're uncomfortable in some way. Even if they just want to be held. Life is scary from day one.
"Spend as much time as you can with your kids. They grow up so fast."
PM_ME_UR_Definitions replied:
"And don't feel like you have to make all your time 'quality time'. It's ok for your kids to just be with while you're doing chores, or just vegging out playing video games or whatever. It's better to spend time together doing something stupid than stress out trying to make everything perfect."
"Your wife/partner will most likely be absolutely tired. Try and give her regular breaks by taking the baby for a walk or to the shops. This is good baby bonding time for you too."
Change diapers. Feed them (if they take a bottle). Do the dishes. Fold the laundry. It doesn't matter if your partner stays home or also works. Help out.
"Try teach your child as much as possible from as young as you can. They will ask a million questions because everything is brand new and interesting to them. So many parents I've seen just ignore kids or tell them to be quiet when they feel like they keep asking questions, but they are missing out on so many teachable moments!
Everything you do is something they can learn. If you go outside with them and you see a cool bug, google it and explain what it is. When you are cooking, let them follow the recipe with you and see how it's done. When it's time to shave, let them watch. All of this will leave a massive impression on them, and will lead to so many good memories later."
I dislike the trend of "unschooling" for school-age children, but it's so perfect for very young children! Playing simple games like Simon Says or I, Spy are great ways to teach colors, shapes, and nouns. We even started playing games like Uno with our kids at around 2.5/3.
"Eat well and back off bad food... this is modeling for your kids."
True. If you keep good food around, your kids will learn to eat it.
"Teeth, teeth, brush teeth, and floss!"
Yup. Pick your battles. My kids are free to wear whatever they want, but dental care is a hill I will die on.
"Read with them, every day."
Even if it's not baby books. I read the entire Harry Potter series to my daughter. A chapter or so every time she fed.
"Every baby is an individual. Do not compare your baby with other babies, everyone progresses at a different pace. My neighbor's daughter could point at her nose at 8 months. My son couldn't. But he could hit her in the nose. Then she cried. Then he cried. Fun times all around."
Yes! They're even wildly different as full-blooded siblings. My daughter has always been on the early end of the learning curve, my son on the late end. She has a natural talent for puzzles and numbers, he has a talent for words and language.
"On girls... you are the first man she will love, show her what love is, what love means, and what she should look for in those that will love her. In the end, she will probably find someone to marry who is just like you in many ways... be the example."
this one is phrased kind of weird but from what ive seen its true, people learn what love is from how their parents treat them and eachother
"Don't be a sissy, if the kid falls and it's only a scratch, don't freak out, it will scare them and make them anxious. Kid needs to trust you, so the scratch becomes a valuable lesson and not a lifelong trauma."
I notice on most videos (another key point- DON'T POST IT ON THE INTERNET YOUR KIDS WILL HATE YOU AND ITS A REAL LACK OF JUDGMENT) but most kids don't start screaming and crying til they see how upset their mother is.
"My dad just passed a month ago and we didn't talk much on the phone, but we were the same way - just not big phone talkers. We live about 5 hours apart and I saw him 5-10 times a year.
He and I had the best, longest conversation ever a couple of weeks before he passed, and had said before we got off the phone, "You know, just because we don't talk on the phone a lot doesn't mean I don't think about you a lot and I love you."
I found out my wife and I were pregnant the day after he passed.
Definitely looking forward to being a dad."
Good luck dude. And yes, kids go from a point where you'll be there a ton, to they really need you but will act like they won't, to they'll really need you, but there won't be enough time. Try to find time, if that's how you both are, but also know when they need some space.
"Don't shake the baby. They can be very irritating. Just don't do it. Put them down somewhere safe like a crib and walk away."
Defizzstro replied:
"Got back from deployment and I tried to take care of the kids while my wife took a shower and relaxed. Both of them were crying just because they’re kids you know? My wife walked into the living room and I was just crying while holding the kids so they wouldn’t run amuck. Your comment is super important to me because I can easily get frustrated. Gotta walk away sometimes."
Don't shake the baby. You will kill the baby and go to prison. I hope everyone knows this. If you shake a baby they will cry more. If they stop crying you likely inflicted brain damage. Don't do it.
"Be consistent with what you tell your kids. Whatever you promise, you must do it, even if it's something you didn't mean to. When you say no TV, then it's no TV. Don't give them excuses. If you promise TV time, you better have 2 TVs ready because if one breaks down you have a spare."
Also on things you promise like if you say you will play later then you need to come through
"If any of you both are bilingual, start to speak both languages from the beginning."
I read that if you ask adults what knowledge they would want most, they will say a second language. Speaking two languages at home is an amazing gift to your children, even though many people take it for granted.
"When buying things. Function first."
Always, always, always function first. Babies don't need frilly pink dresses and sailor suits. Are they cute? Abso-freaking-lutely! Are they worth the money so you can take pictures of them? Absolutely f***ing not! They need clothes that are comfy and stretchy.
"Don't ever bust on people for their jobs. Show your kids that you support the person behind the fast food counter, the guy who changes the oil, etc. Your manners and your example will be thoroughly imitated by your kids."
This one is hilarious as I shadowed police the line DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM or worse WHO MY PARENT IS. Is a sure fire way to get yourself in trouble and stems from the person believing they are above someone else, too many powerful people have been destroyed by their ego don't let yourself be one
"Brand new dads. Be aware the first month or so might suck for you. The baby doesn't do much but eat, cry, and poop. You're mostly just a diaper changer for now. Don't worry, you didn't mess up by deciding to have a kid. This is not your life, it's just for now. It gets better."
And a cuddler and admirer and you can talk to the baby. They are more than just pooping machines they are tiny humans you are responsible for and they are absorbing everything
"It doesn't matter if you have a horrible singing voice, sing to your child."
Sing, hum, talk, rock, walk. It's not the tune, it's the motion and the sound of your voice.
"Give your wife something sacred. For me, I ensure that my wife has an uninterrupted shower every night. No kids, no bother."
"If ever you are too tired to play with your kid(s), just lay down in the middle of the room or on a couch and state invite your kids to come to play. They will provide 99% of all the energy to make it fun!
Source: Father of 5yo twins."
My kids' dad does this. He lays down on the floor and lets the 4yo climb all over Daddy Mountain.
"Think about how your child will respond to some questions. Such as, what does your dad do besides work? What is your dad’s favorite thing to do? What happens when your dad gets mad? What makes your dad happy? If you like the answers to some of these questions, you’re doing a fine job. Think of them before yourself."
"Don’t worry if the kid doesn’t respond to you for the first few weeks/months. It usually takes longer than bonding with the mom. It will happen I promise."
The mother was carrying for months. Of course there's going to be some sort of connection near immediately (but don't worry if it doesn't happen for a few months mothers. That's natural too). Males are generally big, strong, and kind of scary. It'll take a bit for them to realize you aren't a threat.
"Not to take your kid out to be handled in public unless necessary before 3 months. If they get sick and you go to the ER with a high fever because their immune system can’t handle the world yet, they will do a spinal tap and it will break your heart putting them in that much pain."
This is especially important during cold and flu season. RSV is fairly mild for most people over the age of 1, but it can be deadly for infants.
"If you don't know the answer to a question, don't BS your kids. You might fool them when they're little, but they'll figure it out sooner than you think. Then you'll have grown-up kids who know they can't quite trust everything you say."
This is a great way to teach them how to use the internet properly. I've used Google for tons of things! It's also a great way to bond, since you're learning together.
"Babies need constant attention which can be draining on both you and your relationship. It's important to remain a team and talk as much as you can. If you have family or friends that can have a baby for a little while, it's good to have a bit of alone time together."
They need an adult constantly nearby for supervision, doesn't mean they need constant attention. If you ALWAYS entertain your baby they won't know how to entertain themselves as kids. That doesn't mean to just leave them alone for an hour or two, but you can let them cry their emotions out if you've eliminated all other possible reasons for crying. Just leave a toy or two with them and stay nearby.
"White noise was a freaking godsend for colic. We got on those 10-hour hair dryer sounds on YouTube and it improved our nights dramatically!"
"My wife has to remind me all the time, they are babies and they don’t know better. Remember this when you inevitably get frustrated with them. It’s not personal."
insertcaffeine replied:
"Right. You have never been a dad before. Mom has never been a mom before. And the baby, not only are they a baby, they've never been a baby before. You're all learning."
"Figure out something that you and only you do to help out. Mine was bath time. I gave my daughter every bath/shower except maybe 3 until she was 2 years old. Also always did morning bottle feeds. I liked being the first thing she sees in the morning."
"You can never have too many baby wipes."
Seriously. But that s**t in bulk. Both my kids are out of diapers, and I still keep them. They're eminently practical.
"The biggest thing I've probably learned from being a stepdad is if you want them to clean their room, you have to keep your room clean too. I mean that metaphorically too. You have to be a role model for the behaviors you want them to have."
Very true. Especially if the parents have problems or insecurities, you don't have to be completely open with your kids (espc if they're too young) but you should always be modelling behaviour sych as actively trying to seek help. Your kids know you and every facial expression of yours as well as you know theirs. So it will be a huge benefit if they see you trying and they will understand the right ways to cope and that it's okay to seek help
"Real talk, just start hitting yourself in the balls now to build up a tolerance. They will hit, run into, drop stuff on it, and step on your thing on a daily basis."
Basically, every time my kid runs to hug me I turn sideways because of that headbutt."
Love this one. As a mom I remember the head flopping back and hitting my nose. So I can imagine what dad feels.
"Over-explain everything. I'm still learning this. An example is yesterday I was walking with my son at a department store. Somehow we got on the subject if he got separated and lost. I explained to him how to identify a worker at the store by his name tag. He could also go to a cash register. He said 'Ah, I didn't know they wore name tags.'"
I taught my daughter this. She purposely wandered away at the book store at age 7 to test it so make it clear It's like 911. Not to mess with. But she did know to go to the register and say she can't find her mom and we were reunited 30 seconds later so it was effective
"Depending on your work schedule try and be there for the night feeds. My wife struggled to stay awake to feed, so it was helpful for me to stay up, watch TV and talk to help keep her from falling asleep with the baby in her arms."
Ooh, I like this! It lets dad be part of the bonding even when Mom is nursing!
"Try to keep your cool and don't lose your temper (this can be hard with sleep deprivation!)."
If you are sleep deprived, walk away from the kid and breathe before you react. This is very important. One of my kids got on my nerves and I ended up yelling. I still regret it - I was thinking about this episode just this afternoon. It was two decades ago.
"Ask questions, who cares if you feel dumb for asking? We have all done it and it’s better to be safe than sorry."
"Don't panic. Also, never buy new clothes and toys for babies. Shop at consignment sales."
There's only one thing that should be bought new if you can afford it: the car seat. You never know if a second-hand one has been involved in an accident, and even a miniscule fracture you can't see could mean the difference between life and death for the baby.
"Take lots of videos and pictures. Can never have too many and can never get them back if you don’t."
"You'll be tempted to go all out on the stroller. Just get one that is functional and well built, it's all you need... and within a year or so, you'll be pushing a $20 one from Target because that's all that's necessary."
This depends. We don't have a vehicle, so we needed a good, solid, heavy duty one. Look for one at a second-hand store. With my oldest, we got one that had been through 2 previous children. That was 10 years ago. It also went through my son (who is now 4), and has been passed on to my sister's kids (3 and 6 months, respectively).
"Newborn algorithm - if they are crying: change, feed, burp, recheck diaper, recheck feed, burp, simethicone (you are going to need it)."
And routine, routine, routine. If you follow the same routine no matter where you are or what you're doing, is so much easier to figure out what's making them uncomfortable!
"You should add to your algorithm 'change clothes'. Sometimes their clothing can rub them the wrong way, or a piece of plastic that was used for the tag is still in there poking them."
"The greatest day you will experience is the day the baby can hold the bottle by themselves. No more tired arms."
"Be understanding. Your kid is a brand new, blank slate driven by emotions. You can teach them as well as you can, but they are still their own unique person. They will make mistakes, argue, get upset, throw tantrums, and frustrate you. Instead of getting angry and reacting with it, stay calm and try to figure out where the behavior is coming from. Whether it's hunger, fatigue, too much TV time, not enough attention, or significant life changes, there is almost always a reason for behavior issues.
You will get better results with your little one if you talk about what's wrong and help them through it than you will by yelling at them or punishing them to make them stop. You will also build a foundation of trust that will make it easier to communicate honestly as they get older as well."
1yr5 here. I allow her to do things willingly of ' her own choice' if she believes it. For example when she is throwing a tantrum about not giving up what she is holding I calmly give it to her and then ask for it back trying to make her feel and you know it's her choice when actually I got what I always wanted which was to take what she was holding from her. Works 95% of the time. Yay!
"Try not to let the baby get into the routine of falling asleep on anyone to be transferred to a cot. It makes getting them to learn to sleep in a cot much harder (took me 2 kids to figure this part out)."
Maybe... But there's nothing like having a baby fall asleep on your chest.
"Don't hold your baby to sleep. Sometimes is ok when they are over a year old. Any younger and they learn that's how to sleep and it's super annoying. I know you want to and it's great but it's better for both of you if you don't."
Yup. They need to learn to go to sleep by themselves. With that being said, it's also recommended to share the bedroom until they're a year or so old.
"Black and white stuff for newborns - they love the contrast."
"Your Xbox is going to collect dust from now on."
Not necessarily. My daughter would regularly nap in the bouncer, so my husband would just keep it at his feet so he could keep an eye on her, and he'd play while she napped.
"Every day gets better.
When they can start to tell you what’s wrong, it’s like a giant weight being lifted off of your chest."
And a giant weight off their chest. I lived in fear to tell my mother anything. One time I got lost on a field trip and was too scared to tell her. I waited til the night before teacher conferences because I thought she would find out and finally worked up the nerve. I was sick over it at age 6. Turns out over nothing because my mother was more enraged at the teacher for making ne feel like It was my fault because it was hers but it was my mother's fault I couldn't tell her anything without the anxiety. That was one of the only times it went in my favor
"I have a theory that I've found has helped how I approach a lot of the challenges of having a new baby. A prime example that demonstrates this theory is wipe warmers. A wipe warmer does what it says - it warms wet wipes so that your kid doesn't cry when you're wiping their bum when changing a nappy. To me this is counterproductive - how many times are you going to have access to this device? It's another thing to schlep with you when you go out. My point is that it's very easy to make a rod for your own back to get over some 'hopefully temporary' crying."
Can someone explain the last sentence to me, please? I don't understand it.
Be honest with your kid. Admit that you are wrong sometimes and don’t be afraid to do so. Don’t lie to them. Also if you are reading this you will do great!
This is an excellent list, but I'd add one more: be vulnerable with them. Yeah, it's a great ego boost when they think you're a superhero. But it's so, so important that they see you as human, too. Apologize when you're mess up. Let them see you cry and grieve and be angry (assuming it's a healthy expression of anger) and afraid. That will let them know that it's okay to feel their feelings. They'll be more willing to take responsibility for their actions when they mess up. Be human with them.
Be honest with your kid. Admit that you are wrong sometimes and don’t be afraid to do so. Don’t lie to them. Also if you are reading this you will do great!
This is an excellent list, but I'd add one more: be vulnerable with them. Yeah, it's a great ego boost when they think you're a superhero. But it's so, so important that they see you as human, too. Apologize when you're mess up. Let them see you cry and grieve and be angry (assuming it's a healthy expression of anger) and afraid. That will let them know that it's okay to feel their feelings. They'll be more willing to take responsibility for their actions when they mess up. Be human with them.
