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30 Women Share “Borderline Psycho Things” They’ve Done To Decenter Men From Their Lives
Interview
You deserve to be the main character of your life. No matter how much you love your partner, your world doesn’t need to revolve around them. And even if you're a huge advocate for equality, you might still be able to benefit from a friendly reminder not to center your entire life around men.
That’s why one woman, Sweet D, reached out on TikTok asking others to share the best ways they’ve managed to make sure men aren’t at the center of their universe. Hundreds of women joined in on the conversation in the comments, so we’ve gathered their most creative replies below. Enjoy reading through, regardless of your gender, and be sure to upvote the ideas that you find particularly clever!
This woman has invited others to share the most creative ways they've managed to ensure their lives don't revolve around men
Image credits: aglassofsweetd
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
When a man made fun of me being a fangirl & going to concerts but he’s a huge football fan who goes to games so i said “guess we both like screaming for men!” will never forget the look on his face😌
RELATED:
#2
When a man is slightly rude or has any type of attitude, I ask if he needs a minute to calm down or say we can revisit the conversation when he’s less emotional.
#3
I remind mine during my period that my testosterone is heightened so when he says I'm acting like a B, I say "No, just acting like a man." 💅🏼
To find out more about this topic, we got in touch with Denise Williams, the woman who started this thread on TikTok. She was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and share what inspired her post.
"I just recently had a breakup with someone I loved deeply," Denise revealed. "As with any breakup, we were on and off for a while, and I started dating other men. I never put off my life and responsibilities, but I noticed that the majority of my thoughts were centered around men. I thought, 'Are men thinking, talking and dreaming about women like we are about them?' Sadly to report, I don’t think they are."
#4
I assume every professional someone is talking about is a woman. Them: I spoke to the contractor about it. Me: oh, what did she say?…. same with if someone refers to a doctor, lawyer. Etc
#5
stopped saying "I feel..." and started saying "this IS" eg. "I feel belittled" Vs "this is belittling" state things as facts so they can't gaslight you!
JB 7 months ago
Psycho babble has a lot to answer for when it comes to forthright communication with obnoxious colleagues (all genders). I’m not going to coddle your sensibilities by saying “I felt attacked” when you’re flat rude to my face because that suggests that it could be down to my (mis)interpretation. You’re getting told “that was unprofessional and unacceptable. Do it again and we’ll have this same conversation with HR.”
#6
If you are in public and a man won’t leave you alone loudly say “I already told you I don’t have any spare change.”
We also asked Denise about the ways she's managed to decenter men from her own life.
"The main way that has helped is meditating," she shared. "All my 'men-centering' was in my thoughts, so really just switching the light switch off when I started thinking about men and what I can do, what I can say would help. I switch my thoughts to start dreaming about my future, my career, watching my son grow up. I’ve always been a romantic, so it’s been very hard to stay out of LaLa Land, but I’m making progress."
#7
We have trained my 8yo son to call women’s basketball “basketball” and men’s basketball “men’s basketball”— it always delights me.
#8
My daughter is a barista. Today she asked a man who ordered a latte if he wanted anything else. He said "You". Instead she offered him security to escort him out and told him to never talk to women like that again.
Snazzy Smurf 7 months ago
Kudos to your daughter. No one deserves to be hit on during the course of their job. However, in the cases where there is a mutual attraction, professionalism should reign.
#9
It doesn’t sound insane, but when a man interrupts me, I just keep talking like he doesn’t exist. It can get real awkward when neither of us shuts up.
Denise also shared some wise words for any other women out there who could use some help decentering men.
"Women, myself included, are just full of love, and that love needs somewhere to go," she told Bored Panda. "And at our maternal core, we are so incredibly nurturing that we pour that love into others, our children mainly, but we do it to men also."
#10
My husband is a stay-at-home dad. Whenever people ask when he is going back to work, I tell them, I prefer my husband doesn’t work outside the home.
Snazzy Smurf 7 months ago
Stay at home parents work, regardless of who it is. That is a full time job.
#11
I live with my husband. I’ve started matching his energy at home. He’s on the couch? I’m on the couch. No more running around like a frantic chicken. I deserve my rest and hobbies too.
#12
As someone who occasionally has to call children’s parents I ALWAYS call Dad first. Give Mom a break 😆.
"As a caring woman, it feels almost selfish to not give all our love away to someone because, essentially, we want to get it back," Denise continued. "But all that love and your thoughts and kindness needs to go to yourself first."
"It would be such a privilege to be loved and cared for beautifully by a man, but the reality is you have to put yourself and your future first," she added. "Because any man, woman or human has the capability to destroy your spirit if you let them."
#13
I have a good one for the women out there getting married soon. DO NOT TAKE YOUR HUSBAND’S LAST NAME. It might help you to keep your voting rights too.
AutumnGirl 7 months ago
I just can't understand that this is still a thing in some countries. It does not make any sense, why would you change your identity?
#14
I choose a woman for ANYTHING. Tattoo artist, doctor, dentist, photographer, baker, artist, realtor, therapist, etc.
We also asked Denise what she thought of the reactions to her post.
"The replies are absolutely sending me! I have been living in my comment section laughing," she says. "The ones that had me rolling were women saying they never move for a man on a sidewalk, they will body check them before they will step aside. Just thinking of that makes me crack up."
"The other one was 'when a man puts himself down, I don’t argue or offer a compliment,'" she continued. "This one hit so hard because if a man is putting himself down to a woman that he is trying to impress, something is wrong. That man is not in a good place, and he’s not someone you should be entertaining for dating."
#16
I said in a meeting , we'll that's a bit hysterical.. let's try to get out of our feelings and just be logical to get this done. I'm in construction.
#17
Being asked to cut the cake and pass it out. I in turn looked for the nearest man and delegates that whole process. The utter horror and confusion. Chaos.
#18
Sheraseven said dating is enjoying yourself in the company of someone who likes you. And I haven’t dated the same since !
Finally, Denise wanted to clarify that she harbors no ill will towards men.
"I received a lot of comments that I’m a man hater, and I’m not at all. I love men and what they add to the dynamic of life and relationships," she shared. "The whole point of decentering men is to not become bitter and write men off completely. It is to learn how to take the focus off of men and hold out for a man that will add so much value to your life that you have no choice but to make space in your life for him."
#19
I refuse to step out of men’s path in public. They can move.
lenka 7 months ago
I recently had to demonstrate this to a male colleague. He didn't believe me that women move aside and men on the path expect them to. To prove my point we took a walk. Instead of making room, I continued walking. Men always waited until the very last moment still anticipating that I would move. Some bumped into me or intentionally crashed into my shoulder, like some passive-aggressive punishment for not moving. One man actually stopped in front of me, blocking my path and waited for me to step aside.
#20
Don't laugh at unfunny jokes, once you get that down the rest kinda comes naturally.
#21
My daughter is stunning. I walk behind her and mouth “gross” to older men who are checking her out & I stare them down. She’s 27 now, but I’ve been doing this ever since she was a teen.
#22
Telling men I like their pixie cuts is my favorite.
#23
Any time I start to get a crush, I tell myself “a crush is just a lack of information,” and as soon as I get more information, I’ll lose interest.
LillieMean 7 months ago
It's falling in love with the idea of another person. It's not real. Deeper feelings come with time and getting to know each other. Although I'm one of those people for whom love at first sight is only a concept from romantic comedies, fairy tales and true crime.
#24
I am in tech and I insist that men in my meetings be the note takers until we reach gender parity at my organization.
Snazzy Smurf 7 months ago
Why should it always be the woman taking notes, getting drinks, or running the errands? Especially, if all positions are equal.
#26
I try to NEVER speak ill of a woman when in the company of men. No matter who it is.
#27
I change all my robot voices to men because I don’t want my kids thinking women are servants.
#28
When people tell me their husband isn’t helping with their kids, I say “oh I didn’t realize he wasn’t their biological father!”
StrangeOne 7 months ago (edited)
How does that help?! Now you just put down the woman and used her kids as ammo? No, don't do that.
#29
You don’t have to decenter men. You just need to decenter the validation / the need to be chosen by men.
#30
Before doing anything truly ask yourself if a man would do the same for you.
Deborah B 7 months ago
Especially in a relationship. "Does he do this/the equivalent for me?" Don't be the cook, housekeeper, lifecoach, and primary parent, while your partner is gaming or watching TV. You are not his mom, you shouldn't have to train him or chase him up to do laundry or clean up after himself all the time.
#31
I throw around the word he-motional. If a man is expressing intense feelings I ask why he’s so he-motional.
#32
We were pronounced “wife and husband” at our wedding hahaha.
#33
Instead of “ladies and gentlemen” or “you guys” I say ladies and sons of ladies.
Bored Seagull 7 months ago
In the context of "Ladies and gentlemen", both "Lady" and "Gentleman" refer to persons able to interact with each other politely and on equal terms. The phrase does not center on a single gender at all, it describes both as of equal standing. Using "Ladies and sons of ladies" instead creates an inequality where there was no inequality to begin with.
#34
I compliment women on their intellect and men on whatever item of clothing they have on that’s ok- “nice tie””cool shoes” never more than that.
Tobias Reaper 7 months ago
lots of guys would actually like this as we don't get many compliments especially on our clothes
#35
“Don’t be upset with me just because your feminine energy has pushed me into the masculine role.”
#36
I do the bechdel test in real life convos. This includes women too. If ur talking to me only about men I walk away. I don’t want to be friends w/ anyone that centers men.
#37
Im one of two women in my office. I put a pink couch in my office so when a man comes in to talk they have to sit on my pink couch while I sit behind my big desk 😌
Tobias Reaper 7 months ago
i quite like pink i am not insecure enough that sitting on a pink sofa would bother me.
#38
In a meeting, I said to a man, “That idea’s going to need a little blue pill to get off the ground” beat of silence followed by total pandemonium of female laughter💕
StrangeOne 7 months ago
Imagine a man saying something like that to a women. That would be grounds for reporting to HR or someone.
#40
I don’t know if it’s decentering men, but when I see older men oogling younger girls, I jump in front of their gaze, and I point my finger at them, shake my head and mouth no no no I see you.
#41
When on planes, I complement mothers as “single moms doing a great job” and if they point out the husband I’ll say “ohhh. 😬 Then why are you doing everything on your own?” And death glare at him❤️
Earthquake903 7 months ago
Great way to get an abused woman more abused. My ex would have taken thr embarrassment you caused him on me. He would have accused me of saying something to you about him or disrespecting him to you somehow. So, thanks, but no thanks.
#42
When I see a man with a nice car, boat, motorcycle etc I always ask if his wife bought that for him.
#43
Stopped dating. Celibacy. Spreading the truth about the patriarchy and misogyny. Teaching my daughters to put themselves first.
#44
I practice the Bechdel test in my home.
Rali Meyer 7 months ago
When we were young, we boys debated cars or soccer. Which the girls found boring. So we asked them to suggest a topic. No answer.
#45
At a hardware store a male associate asked if I needed help and I said is there a woman associate around they are normally more knowledgeable. the confusion on his face 🤣
#46
I won’t talk to my friends about their partners anymore. I have to hold all this space for them when things are going bad, and then I don’t hear from them when things are going good.
#47
I’m a paralegal. I address male attorneys by their first name and female attorneys by “Attorney (last name) 😂
#48
I always put women first in all social and work situations. Email, calls, teams etc. but if I have to call in for a favor I always ask a man first.
#49
Write women’s names first on Christmas cards I send. Also divorcing my husband right now as we speak. The best husband is no husband. 🔥🙏🏻🥰
Cecilie Hammershøy 7 months ago
The best husband is the one who respect you as a human. I'm lucky because I choose one of those.
#50
Oce you start to realize that a man will only speak to you if you're aesthetically pleasing or easy to fool, it gets really easy to decenter them.
#51
I talk to as few men as humanly possible.
#52
When a man puts himself down, I don’t argue or offer a compliment 🫠
Deborah B 7 months ago
Also: Stop being their therapist if you aren't actually close with them. Yes, be supportive for colleagues etc, if they're really dealing with a death or major illness, or other trauma, but don't listen to a guy's dating woes, or marriage woes, or self pity out of politeness. Casual acquaintences don't get to delegate emotional labour to you just because you're a woman. A gentle "That sounds like a private matter" or "that's something to raise with your therapist/marriage counsellor." and firmly change the subject or walk away. You do not need to put up with being vented to in the workplace, or Sad Boy-ed at social events.
#53
When guys say they love Star Wars, I say “aw that’s so cute that you’re a Disney adult!”
#54
Some quote along the lines of “why are you seeking validation from creatures attracted to children, animals, and objects.”
#56
I just honestly to my core believe I'm better than even the best man for no other reason that he is a man.
#57
1.) Cut off all female friendships where they center men. 2.) seek out material to consume that passes The Bechdel Test. 3.) actively ignore men in all settings.
#58
I never ask my husband “what’s wrong?” he can speak and also i do not care.
#59
Micro-aggressive comments; you like his shirt, tell him you like his blouse. If he is doing a good job, tell him he is being a boy boss...
Spidercat 7 months ago
Based on this I might start mentioning to women that without men you wouldn't have feminism. Admittedly in the same way that without rabies you wouldn't have a rabies vaccine bit still... I'm glad that centuries of masculine oppression has given women a movement they can really get behind and express themselves through. You're welcome. (If you can't tell whether I'm being sarcastic or not then good on you)
#60
I jump out from behind corners and scare my husband bc I don't want a man feeling comfortable in my home.
#61
I dont speak with men if they are not attractive.
#63
I also don’t read books by male authors.
What do you think ?
Susie Elle 7 months ago
I agree, and I don't wanna be that woman, but most of these also target unassuming guys just doing their best and trying to get through the day. Like, why would you purposefully ignore all men you encounter?
Load More Replies...
April M 7 months ago
It must take alot of wasted energy for some of these women to have such a nasty attitude. A few of these were cool, though.
96m77mfphq 7 months ago
i think it takes as much as it did from men as they treated us this way for eons
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Ahnjunwan 7 months ago
If you change in the gender in most of this posts, this would be a quite mysogynist list
Mimi M 7 months ago
I give everyone the benefit of the doubt and judge each person separately.
StrangeOne 7 months ago
A few of the top ones were a bit sweet. But it got so dark, so toxic af the further down the list. I hope these weren't being serious.
Tobias Reaper 7 months ago
now imagine the uproar if this was about women this one is terrible
Auntriarch 7 months ago
I'm really hoping that most of them were joking to make a point.
Load More Replies...
Dave In MD 7 months ago
So I guess the take away is, if you disagree with how some men act you just start acting like them and be just as disgusting?
weatherwitch 7 months ago
As someone who grew up in the 70s with mens s****y attitudes all around me, the world is much better now. That said there is still a Long way to go. I'd never heard of decentering and wish like hell I'd had a chance to use these on my misogynistic, homophobic father. And just in general. Highly empowering. I really loved this thread ❤️
96m77mfphq 7 months ago
I frequently remind men that they are no longer necessary to continue the human race and are only here because we sometimes like them.
Susie Elle 7 months ago
I finally have our financial advisor trained to address me first in emails instead of my boyfriend, as he only talks to me, conducts all his business with me, and I earn the most. During a meeting with him I said something along the line of "well, my partner apparently has a secretary for a girlfriend, and I don't have that luxury.'
Susie Elle 7 months ago
I agree, and I don't wanna be that woman, but most of these also target unassuming guys just doing their best and trying to get through the day. Like, why would you purposefully ignore all men you encounter?
Load More Replies... April M 7 months ago
It must take alot of wasted energy for some of these women to have such a nasty attitude. A few of these were cool, though.
96m77mfphq 7 months ago
i think it takes as much as it did from men as they treated us this way for eons
Load More Replies... Ahnjunwan 7 months ago
If you change in the gender in most of this posts, this would be a quite mysogynist list
Mimi M 7 months ago
I give everyone the benefit of the doubt and judge each person separately.
StrangeOne 7 months ago
A few of the top ones were a bit sweet. But it got so dark, so toxic af the further down the list. I hope these weren't being serious.
Tobias Reaper 7 months ago
now imagine the uproar if this was about women this one is terrible
Auntriarch 7 months ago
I'm really hoping that most of them were joking to make a point.
Load More Replies... Dave In MD 7 months ago
So I guess the take away is, if you disagree with how some men act you just start acting like them and be just as disgusting?
weatherwitch 7 months ago
As someone who grew up in the 70s with mens s****y attitudes all around me, the world is much better now. That said there is still a Long way to go. I'd never heard of decentering and wish like hell I'd had a chance to use these on my misogynistic, homophobic father. And just in general. Highly empowering. I really loved this thread ❤️
96m77mfphq 7 months ago
I frequently remind men that they are no longer necessary to continue the human race and are only here because we sometimes like them.
Susie Elle 7 months ago
I finally have our financial advisor trained to address me first in emails instead of my boyfriend, as he only talks to me, conducts all his business with me, and I earn the most. During a meeting with him I said something along the line of "well, my partner apparently has a secretary for a girlfriend, and I don't have that luxury.'
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