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Someone very wise once said that we all come from childhood - and many of our problems that we face in adulthood actually come from there, from interactions with our parents. Interactions that, alas, often leave much to be desired...
And then, having already become adults, or even having our own kids, we too can sometimes see manifestations of a parental bad attitude in our own parenting style. And in this case, the main thing is to stop in time and think: "What am I doing now?" And this selection of parenting "red flags" from netizens may well be useful in this.
More info: Reddit
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Let's their kids run around a shop or shouting in public, especially like restaurants.
Miss Tinker 10 months ago
As a Librarian I see this all the time, especially in school holidays where kids are often dumped for hours & left to their own devices. Fine if they are being responsible & quiet, but more often than not they are running around shouting, playing loud games on the public computers, pulling random books off shelves & leaving them on the floor until Mum/Dad come back to get them or are sitting nearby glued to their phone. I even had a parent ask me to set their little darling up on the computer with some games while she made herself comfortable on the couch with her phone. No, Ma’am. I am not a babysitter nor am I responsible for your child’s entertainment.
Little Bit 10 months ago
That's one of my biggest pet hates. When I was a kid, going to a restaurant was a rare treat and I was expected to be on my very best behaviour. My daughters know that I expect the same from them and if they were ever to play up or be rude they would be marched straight back home. I have, in the past, got up and walked out of a restaurant mid meal (I'd already paid for the food) because other people's kids were running around like the place was an adventure playground.
Scott Rackley 10 months ago
Same. However, I was taught manners at a very early age. Oh, and it was enforced, that seems to be the problem these days.
Load More Replies... Kelly Scott 10 months ago
It's not the occasional shouting, but the ear-bleeding screaming so many kids do today. I used to worry they were being hurt or something. But now I couldn't care less when I hear a kid screaming. I mean, if the parents don't care enough about it to check on their kids, why should I? So Mom and Dad, if your kid goes missing or is seriously hurt and was screaming and no one checked to see why, there's your reason.
RELATED:
#2
They let their kids do whatever they want cause "they're just kids".
Uncle Schmickle 10 months ago
Goodness knows how they're going to turn out as teenagers and adults, having had no boundaries as a child. These " delinquent " parents only raise more " delinquent " kids.
Kelly Scott 10 months ago
If parents won't teach their kids the word "no", teach them boundaries, or how to behave in public, then they're trashy parents. Correction, they aren't parents at all. They're just de facto baby making machines.
#3
If they don’t discipline their kids at the moment they do something outrageous and get mad at the ppl who do discipline their kids instead.
If you can’t control your kids you failed as a parent, no excuses.
Lila Allen 10 months ago
Had a parent in for a conference with admin and two teachers besides myself. Student began swearing at his mother. I told the student to step out and that they had detention for inappropriate language. The mom yelled at me for telling her son he couldn't call her/mom a "f*&*&^ing c*&t"
The original thread appeared two months ago in the AskReddit community with the question: "What instantly tells you someone is a trashy parent?" As of today, it has 3.3K upvotes and over 4K different views and thoughts from commenters. Some people simply state their point of view, some share a story from their childhood or parenting, and some just recall an incident they saw once.
#4
Using their kids as pawns against their SO / ex / the kids' other parent.
Dread Pirate Roberts 10 months ago
I was one of these kids, and it worsened my anxiety exponentially. I wasn't even 10 years old yet, and I already wanted to die. No child should have to go through that.
anaisbananas 10 months ago (edited)
Every child deserves to believe that their parent(s) are their hero(s). (Edit to add) Even if it's not true, don't take that away from them.
Liz Mary 10 months ago
No! Sorry but not using children against your ex is not the same as a child knowing that their parent is not a hero! If a non-custodial parent constantly cancels on the child, never buys presents, does not show up on important dates the custodial parent should not lie and make up excuses to hide the truth. It does more harm than good. It's the parent who let's them down that must own up to the messup! And, that's completely different from using a child against an ex!
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#5
Violence against the child, not caring who preys on them.
Kelly Scott 10 months ago
My mom: "I watched my dad beat my mom and I would never stay with a man who beat me!" Also my mom: watches my dad beat us kids and says nothing.
Montanavanna 10 months ago
Oof that is rough. She might of went through more than she talks about. It only takes 1 generation to stop perpetrating these traumas against each other. No parent is perfect and we seem to think we have to do it on our own. These could be for all sorts of cultural, financial, environmental etc reasons. My generation was spanked and yelled at and mass neglect, the latch key kids. My moms generation was openly hit and the culture of corporal punishment as a means to control behaviour seen as valid form of parenting. My grandmother's generation had it incredibly rough. Dust bowl, depression and two world wars. We are connected to all that through each other. My family ended generational extreme poverty with us. Some of us even have degrees amd own property now. Our children, all of earths children, will be the best of us this planet has known in a very long time. I am sure of it. Light and love and healing to you, Kelly.
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Dawn Marie 10 months ago
I was bullied every day from 5th grade all the way through high school. This was back in the 1960's-70's before people understood/or cared to understand the impact. My father only told me to ignore it and it would go away. No one helped me, not my parents, teachers, principals. My bully's father was a big wig at one of the biggest company's in our town. He got away with all sorts of c**p not only to me, but others as well. I have never recovered.
Montanavanna 10 months ago
Sending you light and love Dawn. You have a similar story that many people your age are coming forward and telling right now. I believe your stories are the very thing that is helping people to wake up. They are vital to understanding how we got here. I am rooting for you!
Load More Replies... #6
Showing up in pajamas to parent teacher conferences. Arriving to pick their preschool or small child up from school and staying on their cell phone the entire time and not even acknowledging their child or the teacher.
Letting your new boyfriend of three weeks watch your children or even move in with you. Having multiple partners around your children throughout their lives that you have no intention of staying with.
Montanavanna 10 months ago
Predators specifically seek these women out to get access to their children. We must raise our children to be more selective about who they are having children with. We just need to be so much better, overall, in every area of raising our children. We must put more intention into our parenting.
While each of us has our own criteria for determining what we consider "bad parenting," experts invariably point out some obvious "red flags." For example, according to this dedicated article on the Parenting Styles web portal, there are 5 main signs to detect a bad mom, dad or both:
1. They demand blind obedience from children.
2. They use intimidation to discipline.
3. They don’t monitor or control a child’s deviant behavior.
4. They deny responsibilities.
5. They refuse to adapt.
#7
Tells their kid to "shut up," has no regard for the nutritional value of their child's diet, takes credit for what the kid does right but passes the blame for what the kid does wrong.
Fern 10 months ago
But you mean saying something like "be quiet" instead, right?
Load More Replies... Katie Barnes 10 months ago
I try so hard not to judge children's lunches and diets, it is SO hard to pack a healthy lunch every day when you work full time and have a picky eater. Or when you trust your kid to pack their own lunch but they don't do a great job. However, when you send your kids with a pack of cookies, a fruit rollup, and a rice krispie square as their food for the whole school day... I get really sad. This is why so many teachers buy food out of their personal funds.
Miss Tinker 10 months ago (edited)
Working in primary school I’m often angry at the c**p I see in kids lunchboxes… then the parents wonder why their child is hyper-active/misbehaving/unable to concentrate. Most of the time it’s because of the s**t your child is eating that YOU are responsible for!
Scott Rackley 10 months ago
You do know there is no such thing as a sugar rush? Right?
Load More Replies... #8
Talking and yelling at your child like " stop f*****g playing with me, drop that s**t, I ain't gon tell you again, you always pissin me tf off, ima beat yo f****n a*s"
Literally just heard an white American tell this to (I assume their child) that had to be no more than 5 to 7 years old.
Little Bit 10 months ago
My next door neighbour is like that. She has four kids and she shouts and swears at them constantly. I once overheard her shouting at her youngest daughter, "Get the f*** out and leave me alone you f*****g b***h! The poor girl couldn't have been more than 5yo.
Tobias Reaper 10 months ago (edited)
why mention their colour or nationality what relevance does that have
ShadeCalico 10 months ago
That’s like a great way to say that anger is the solution to all problems 🙄
OnlyMe 10 months ago (edited)
I had divorced my husband and we co-parented our son. I was worried about my parenting as I was often yelling. I did an amazing course for parents 0of teens and it was the best thing for me and my boy. i did it twice because it was so helpful. My son and I have an awesome relationship now. Because that was the key - building a strong relationship with your child. Thank God I did that course. Sad that my ex was not so bothered, and my son who is now 18 has zero respect for him.
Michael Largey 10 months ago (edited)
I had a neighbor who shrieked at her four year old like that for the smallest thing. I wondered how she could alert him when the situation was actually dangerous.
#9
Putting Mountain Dew in their 9 month old child’s sippy cup, then yelling at the child for not taking a nap. I personally witnessed this. Abhorrent behavior.
V 10 months ago
Yeah, my uncle got full custody of his kids. One day he came home from work early sick, the older 2 were at school, but the youngest baby had been left alone in the parents bed with a baby bottle of cordial for a nap. The poor kid had rolled and fallen out of bed and split his head open. Lucky my uncle was sick that day. He has since had two relationships (that lasted long enough to meet the family) with wonderful women who treated my cousin's with love, affection and safety. So it ended up well for them.
CinderFallenAngel 10 months ago
I'm not shocked. I've seen parents where I work give there babies Lucozade.
Uncle Schmickle 10 months ago
The worst, sugar laden c**p ever invented. The manufacturers love kids getting " hooked " on it.
In any case, if we don't take into account the most extreme situations that Child Protective Services are called upon to deal with, trashy parenting often manifests itself in two cases: if parents blatantly neglect their duties and responsibilities, or, conversely, are overly controlling. Or simply try to control.
"Children look to parents to define what boundaries are and the consequences that can occur if the child crosses the boundaries," Health Line quotes Sharron Frederick, LCSW, a psychotherapist at Clarity Health Solutions. As a result, kids then either grow up knowing no boundaries at all, or are overly limited in all their deeds and actions. Neither is very good, you must agree.
#10
Smoking around their children.
omnisexual_weeb【ツ】 10 months ago
yea this is the part i hated the most about living with my mom. her constantly blowing smoke in my face and trying to get me to try it. not to mention her getting oddly flirty with me when she was high on weed. yuck
#11
Having 5 children and none of them are in school. Eldest one is 8 years old. Always coming up with bull s**t excuses, then getting offended when being called out.
Dread Pirate Roberts 10 months ago
Unless they're homeschooled, this is a crime in my country.
Nicole Weymann 10 months ago
No homeschooling allowed in my country, and I prefer it that way.The post (supposedly lazy/disinterested parents) illustrates one reason. Religious nuts is another one. It's an attempt (albeit with a lot of room for improvement) to try and give everybody the same chances.
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Katie Barnes 10 months ago
We have a problem where I live with parents downloading homeschool curriculums as "proof" that they're teaching their child, then leaving them all alone all day while both parents go to work, or just not teaching them anything in that downloaded curriculum while a parent is at home. When your 10 year old can't read a word or add numbers under 10 there is a serious problem with your "homeschooling".
#12
They threaten the child with burning in Hell.
"The saddest thing about this is not only that parents break the child's psyche with their actions, but also that such patterns tend to reproduce themselves in the future," says Maria Kryvosheeva, a psychologist and NLP coach, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment. "The fact is that many children involuntarily perceive such parenting techniques as something self-evident for their own families."
"As a result, when these children grow up, they sometimes can't cope with the attitudes from their childhood 'in their heads' and automatically harm their own family life. Or they simply spend long hours and days in therapy, trying to neutralize all the possible consequences of being raised by toxic parents," Maria sums up.
#14
Takes their 4 year old son to a bar at 11 pm, lets their siberian husky mix run around without any supervision and when their siberian husky mix tries to bite and maul another dog, say, "well she's never done that before!"
WORST TRASHIEST PARENT EVER OF CHILDREN AND ANIMALS!
Kathrin Pukowsky 10 months ago
I expected a "Yes, I'm talking about YOU, Sharon!" at the end.
Load More Replies... BarfyCat 10 months ago
Bars that serve food. I've taken my kid to plenty of bars for lunch or dinner.
Load More Replies... #15
Saying their one kids sports equipment is really expensive (and getting it) while also complaining services for their adhd/autistic kid aren't free and won’t get the help they need.
Boredandsomea 10 months ago
Where are services for adhd/autism not free if is regarded as necessary.
In any case, even if you were lucky enough and your childhood was absolutely cloudless, we think that it will still be useful for you to read this collection of stories. At least to know that there are completely different cases in life, infinitely far from perfect. And, if you see something similar in others, to know how to react in such a case. So please feel free to read and always remember: "Forewarned is forearmed!"
#16
I'm a HS teacher. I can tell pretty quickly in the year which kids have been raised by devices. It's alarming how more and more kids each year have phone anxiety, can't focus on any amount of work and won't interact with peers.
Montanavanna 10 months ago
I just had my IEP renewal appointment with my sons school. He is 1st grade and special needs. I was given compliments because he likes books and will engage greatly with them. He is about 3 years behind his peers in math and reading development but ahead in so many other areas because we emphasize books and non tech activities.
Scott Rackley 10 months ago (edited)
I wouldn't worry. If he likes books he will catch and pass the others.
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Lila Allen 10 months ago
Our school has yonder pouches. The kids phones are locked all day. Kids are doing so much better and they are happier. They really don't even mind being off phones. It's almost a relief to them to have a reason to be off the phone.
MotherRobinson 10 months ago
Our school district just recently banned the use of cell phones for students during school hours.
Uncle Schmickle 10 months ago
Giving phones to little children is insane and an abrogation of parental responsibility.
Michelle Randazzo 10 months ago
Iowa is hopefully banning cell phones in schools. High schools who have, have seen 100 percent growth in learning
#17
How they talk about their kids when they’re not present.
“She’s a brat.”
“He’s an idiot.”.
Liam Walsh 10 months ago
That's how my father talked about me when I WAS present. "Stupid, you're stupid' all the time. I also overheard him saying these kinds of thing to my sister and, when I caught him out, he said 'well, you are'.
#18
Swearing and roaring explicits on a sideline of any match.
#19
“Children should been seen and not heard”
“Don’t speak unless spoken to”.
Debby Keir 10 months ago
Everyone complains about Boomers, but THIS was their lived experience.
#20
Screaming down the phone at me (a teacher) calling me a c**t and to do my job.
Dawn Marie 10 months ago
I took early retirement from teaching for health reasons. But, I was thinking about changing careers anyway. It wasn't the kiddo's. They were great. It was the parents!! Oh My Good Heavens. I had one mother yell and curse at me because she didn't have 30 seconds to look at a paper she was suppose to sign so I didn't let her son go on an activity. This was first grade and the permission slip had been in his folder for a week and I called twice and left a voicemail both times reminding her when it was due and it was on the web site. I don't know what else I could have done. I mean, really?
#21
Using the word "phase" in any context regarding their children's behavior just so they don't bother teaching them right from wrong.
#22
When they blatantly teach their kid bad habits and rude, inconsiderate behavior.
When I was a cashier at a supermarket, I had a customer, after ringing their stuff up and giving them their receipt, tell their kid to just leave their cart next to my register because someone will collect it, anyway.
While true, that speaks volumes as to what kind of person you are. Also, while it isn't being collected and put back in the corral, it becomes a hindrance for other customers who have carts, and could block the way for some customers if pushed aside, especially when the supermarket itself is small and narrow in terms of traversable space. I'd also end up wasting time going out of my booth and putting it back in the corral when the customer could've done all that on their own in the first place.
BarfyCat 10 months ago
I once was behind a mom and a couple of young boys in line at the grocery store. I had my kid with me, about the same age. We both watched open-mouthed as her boys clawed through the candy display, opening the candies and eating them while their mom paid for the groceries and said nothing to the boys.
Scott Rackley 10 months ago
I picked up a habit from my mom. I grab a cart out of the corral on the way in. Most times I carry the groceries out and leave the cart in the store. I mean, if you need to cart your groceries out you probably just dropped $500, so there's that.
#24
They have no schedule for their kids or simply never follow it.
Kathrin Pukowsky 10 months ago
I wonder what sort of schedule this is about. Having structure is a good thing, but I've heard about parents planning their child's day down to the minute, and that doesn't strike me as a good idea.
Diane Tucker 10 months ago
I think the basics: eating and sleeping, most importantly. When my kids were young, say ten or twelve years old, I would have friends of theirs who would call them on the phone after ten or eleven at night. "Um, X is in bed, sorry." Who were these parents? Sleep is so important for brain development.
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#26
Getting a sitter so that they can go to the bar every weekend.
Ellinor 10 months ago
If, and I said IF, the parents want alone time and don't come back home drunk as hell, then why not ?
Kelly Scott 10 months ago
Or NOT getting a sitter and dragging the kids to the bar every weekend with them!
#27
Obesity.
Sarcastic Panda 10 months ago
Wow. This is rude. Some people can't help obesity, either in themselves or their child.
Heather A 10 months ago
Thank you. My kids are at healthy weights but I'm fat and also have Lipedema which seriously inhibits my ability to lose weight. Not impressed that based on the size of my body I'd automatically be considered a trashy parent.
Load More Replies... Uncle Schmickle 10 months ago
How many times have you seen obese parents with obese kids ? Often.
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
Papa 10 months ago
I have one that wasn't mentioned, though it refers to older children. People who don't teach their children to make decisions for themselves, or how to deal with adversity, so they're still dependent on their parents when they're young adults, are committing child abuse.
BarfyCat 10 months ago
This is so rampant at my university. Sometimes I feel like I'm dealing with middle schoolers.
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Elizabeth Deighton 10 months ago
It is easy to judge if a person is a good or poor parent. One of my sons ran on ahead to look in a shop window and I called him back. He didn't respond and I went up to him and spoke again to him. An old lady told me that my son needed discipline and a smack would do him the world of good. We were waiting for him to go to hospital for an operation on his ears. He had glue ear and couldn't hear very well.
Papa 10 months ago
I have one that wasn't mentioned, though it refers to older children. People who don't teach their children to make decisions for themselves, or how to deal with adversity, so they're still dependent on their parents when they're young adults, are committing child abuse.
BarfyCat 10 months ago
This is so rampant at my university. Sometimes I feel like I'm dealing with middle schoolers.
Load More Replies... Elizabeth Deighton 10 months ago
It is easy to judge if a person is a good or poor parent. One of my sons ran on ahead to look in a shop window and I called him back. He didn't respond and I went up to him and spoke again to him. An old lady told me that my son needed discipline and a smack would do him the world of good. We were waiting for him to go to hospital for an operation on his ears. He had glue ear and couldn't hear very well.
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