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Hypothetically, what would you do if your dog started speaking English? For example, you came home one day, and you heard your dog talking on the phone? Asking for a friend…
If you’re in the mood to read about some oddly detailed scenarios that might make you raise your eyebrows, you’ve come to the right place, pandas. Below, we’ve gathered some of our favorite posts from the Suspiciously Specific subreddit that might have you wondering what inspired people to post them. Enjoy reading about these hilarious, bizarre situations, and be sure to upvote the pics that make you wonder what these people have been through!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Would Be Interesting
DelvianBlue 2 years ago
Heck, I would enter this! Can I include pictures too? Let's see if the mom can identify her son's anatomy as well as messages!
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HelluvaHedgehogAlien 2 years ago
I’ll get dem gummy bears and soda and ice cream
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Susie Elle 2 years ago
Switch moms up for dads because why are women solely responsible for their sons and you've got yourself a deal mister
Emmydearest 2 years ago
This comment reminded me of a tv show from years ago where three mothers had to choose between a group of girls the right girl for become their sons girlfriends. Kinda like the Bachelor but the moms made the choice. And if I remember correctly they also had ti watch the son and girl's dates or something like that. It was very Italian...
Duckie Measles 2 years ago
Parental Control! That was a great horrible junk TV show. Then there was another one where the guy would go on a date with the mom to see which girl is right for him.
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Valek Fermiga 2 years ago
E-mail the makers of " Love Island " pretty much guaranteed it will be on ITV 2 ( UK ) by the end of the year....
Julie Gutierrez 2 years ago
IKR?!? I remember waiting for the station to start broadcasting for the first time... Video Killed the radio star... sweet memories
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Michael Largey 2 years ago (edited)
Unfortunately the moms who would be the most entertaining to watch would also be the ones least likely to agree to appear.
RELATED:
#2
I Love It
Upstaged75 2 years ago
It's an urban legend/ghost story. There are lots of versions of it.
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Mimi M 2 years ago
You don't have to give someone a number at all. You simply say 'you can give me yours'. And then don't let them enter it into your phone or call you to give it to you. They just say it and you write it down or put it into your contacts.
TRQ 2 years ago
Uh, are you a woman? Women refusing to give males a number is often how they get killed.
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#3
Free Coffee
Andrea Wylie 2 years ago
I did not see it going there.. I was thinking swap places so they all return the right car to right place, but they all insist they are the same person who left with it.
Awkward Momma Panda 2 years ago
No, wait.. yours is the version that could *actually* be pulled off, and hilariously fun as well. The original was, let’s face reality here, just an amusing thing to suggest and not very realistic 😂
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We all know there’s no limits to what you can find online. Whether you want hard hitting news, adorable pictures of cats, shocking videos on TikTok or photos of your friends’ vacations, you can find it all! But one interesting niche of content is “suspiciously specific” posts. This genre contains all of the questionable tweets, Facebook posts and more that describe bizarre, sometimes “hypothetical,” scenarios that might have you wondering who in the world is actually experiencing these things.
And while this kind of content can be found in all of the different corners of the internet, one place that compiles plenty of this content is the Suspiciously Specific subreddit. This group was created in 2018 but has already amassed an impressive 1.3 million members. The community has more recently transitioned to focusing on Among Us fanart and memes, but lucky for us, members had already shared a variety of hilarious, oddly specific posts.
#4
Gracelynn, Where Art Thou?
FrivolousFox 2 years ago
My sister is named Gracelyn and our mother both uses essential oils regularly and has a “live laugh love” sign, amongst other, similar signage. lol
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RandomEpiBioPerson 2 years ago
I actually knew someone, when I was younger, who wasn't allowed to read Harry Potter for a while, due to them "being demonic", but they were allowed to watch the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. -_-
RandomEpiBioPerson 2 years ago
They were later allowed to read them, but it was still weird to me since those movies are basically about dark curses, and stuff like that.
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Black Rabbit 2 years ago
I mean, Harry Potter does have witchcraft in it. That’s kinda the whole premise of the story…
Annabeth Chase 2 years ago
When I was younger, I couldn’t watch the ending movies of Harry Potter, but I can now I think it was just because then the movies are a bit darker, and they have more witchcraft
P.C. 2 years ago
Oh. I think I prevented myself from reading the HP series because I thought it was weird. A book about witches and wizards? Sounds sketchy. My mom was totally fine with my grandma lending me the first book, but I was hesitant. Ended up getting the usual HP phase. I now think it’s okay simply because it’s fictional. I also don’t believe or try to believe that using a wand will do anything.
#5
New Fear Unlocked
Nina 2 years ago
Why would every woman fear late marriage? There's plenty who would applaud being able to marry at an age of their choosing instead of quite young. Then there's plenty who don't want to marry at all. I'll stick to checking for snakes, thank you.
Potato 2 years ago
Nothing is worse than marrying too soon and finding out your partner is abusive.
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Liubliana Puh Calmet 2 years ago
I hear you... I was about to say she got the P & F mixed up =P
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J O 2 years ago
Lmfao!!! That's really specific!!! 🤣🤣🤣 Good Lord .. I can't stop giggling now!!
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Diolla 2 years ago
Actually had a giant and I mean GIANT spider come out from under the rim whenever I flushed the toilet in my hotel room in Ethiopia. It turned out to be broken and the spider LIVED in it. Needless to say I suddenly managed to hold my pee for long times all of a sudden.
Piglet 2 years ago
Yes. A bit like Betty Swollocks, Mary Hinge, or Felly Smart. Good pub quiz team names :D
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Renee Kamphuys 2 years ago
I genuinely read 'hiding snacks in my vagina' 5 times, very confused, before i realized it doesnt say that.
#6
2020 Was So Easy Back Then
KombatBunni 2 years ago
Tf? We suddenly started playing Fallout when I wasn’t looking? Where’s my adorable canine companion and my power armour dammit!
Natty Tempest 2 years ago
I would be the one the jacket is made from... But I would leave a trail of corpses before my organ failure claimed me! Probably a nice note for whoever found my stuff to maybe make something nice from my skull...
I think we’ve all been in a scenario where we asked a question “for a friend,” that was a bit too specific to ask if we didn’t actually have experience with the topic… “My friend is having relationship troubles,” or, “My cousin has a medical question that she’s too embarrassed to ask.” Well, many of these posts are the virtual equivalents of those, often used for comedic effect of course. And according to Candace Osmond at Grammarist, this is an easy way for us to save face when we’re worried about being judged.
While there’s no way of pinpointing exactly where the classic “asking for a friend” phrase came from, it doesn’t seem to be anything new. Anonymous advice columns have been popular in newspapers and websites for decades, so it’s no surprise that we’ve implemented a similar style of posting on social media as well. Even if something is shared “hypothetically,” if it’s too specific, it’s going to raise some eyebrows.
#7
Nicknames
DBear 2 years ago
I have a habit of giving people nicknames at work just by making wise-a*s comments. One kid who couldn't understand anything no matter how many times you explained it to him became "Bobby Hill" after I commented "that boy ain't right". Two people at different places I sarcastically called "the Professor" because of their blatant stupidity. And then finally I made a wisecrack that led to a guy being nicknamed "Bunny Foo-Foo". Bottom line is you probably don't ever want to work with me.
#8
Suspicious And Wholesome!
digitalin 2 years ago
I watch the credits like a silent salute to all the people who worked on the film but aren't on the screen. They will never know, but it's my way of honoring their work. Plus sometimes there's an extra scene.
Pewpie Diaper 2 years ago
We used to watch the end credits, just for inspiration while brainstorming mean names for each other to highlight our worst physical traits. Miss ya, Neck Biggers. Here's to you Chinny Rambaldi.
Tucker Cahooter 2 years ago
I always watch the credits on the "Naked Gun" type movies since they like to slip jokes in
MakeupMama68 2 years ago
As a film crew member.. I love you for this. ❤️ i work mostly in TV and they not only speed through the credits, they put them up in the corner while the previews for the next show play 🤬
GV Martinez-Williams 2 years ago
That's really gets on my nerves! I'm one of those people who likes reading the credits. I might wanna know who's the cinematographer, the sound people and so on. Sometimes a particular style of production looks familiar and I like to see if it's create by someone(s) from others shows I've seen. I know I'm a production nerd.
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VonBlade 2 years ago
Yep. I hate credits that lump all the extras together too. The best ones are those that list people by the line they had in the film. But yes, give it up for the 2nd assistant best boy.
Binky Melnik 2 years ago
I usta know someone whose life’s goal was to work at Pixar, and when he got the job, I was so happy for him! I’ve spent the past 30 or so years watching for his name in the credits and every movie, it gets listed earlier and earlier as (I assume) he’s been promoted. He’s the only one I can think of whose career I’ve gotten to watch progress without even seeing him! (Lemme tell you: it’s MEGA-cool!)
#9
Free The Frog!
Lex <3 (they/them) 2 years ago
It looks like he’s doing that one face where ur angry but trying to stop an exasperated sigh from escaping
Dorothea Lehmann 2 years ago
This is so old. Tom already named the frog and everything. Look here if you don't believe me: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GhHCLsYaQAU&pp=ygUfR3JhaGFtIG5vcnRvbiB0b20gaG9sbGFuZCBmcmlnIA%3D%3D
Persephone 2 years ago
He makes me think of the marbles key and peele skit where the guy won't stop trying to eat marbles
Although many of the posts on this list were shared online for comedic purposes, regardless of whether they’re referring to real situations or not, this content got me wondering about whether we’re oversharing online. As much fun as posting on social media can be, we have to remember to have boundaries too. According to Van-Hau Trieu, Senior Lecturer in Information Systems at Deakin University, and Vanessa Cooper, Professor of Information Systems at RMIT University, there are personal and professional risks associated with oversharing. Research has shown that over half of us have anxiety surrounding our family, friends and coworkers sharing photos or videos that we don’t want public.
#10
3..2..1.. Go!
SkyBlueandBlack 2 years ago
And based on what I saw yesterday, he also investigates shark finning.
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David 2 years ago
Kind of true. I was at a friend's house a few weeks back and she had a cooking show on from.. maybe Australia, maybe UK. I forget. the point is everyone on the show was kind and helpful and encouraging to each other and it was a breath of fresh air compared to the USA cooking shows I've seen.
Shane G 2 years ago
Master Chef, and especially Master Chef Junior, has loads of contestants like that. It is the only one in the US I can think of, though.
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The Original Bruno 2 years ago
WTF?? Really? I'm in America, and I want to know where can I find cooking shows like that!
Mommy Panda 2 years ago
Anyone else read the first part in a proper British accent and the second in a Texan one? Or is that just me...?
#11
Til
Jill Bussey 2 years ago
If you're really desperate, and the "one last drink before you go?" didn't work, leave the room and change into nightwear and return to the room and say "oh well, we're off to bed now."
KM 2 years ago
isn't it shocking that I've seen this not working either? The guests just said 'have a good night" and kept on drinking)
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Butterfly McQueen 2 years ago
I am very much an introvert who has been adopted by my extrovert neighbor. I have learned to say,"I love you, but I'm tired and you have to go home now." It works and we remain friends.
ॐBoyGanesh 2 years ago
Similar. I just say to my overstaying neighbor, “it’s been a great visit, but now it’s time for you to go so I can crash.”
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Skylar Jaxx 2 years ago
I actually do this as a very task every four hours on the Simpsons tapped out.
Load More Replies... Caroline Kimber 2 years ago
In the UK, we just pause and say 'right' and you kinda know the meaning of it haha
Charity Angel 2 years ago
In theory, yes. Not always, trust me. Even if the hint is taken, I'll get another three "oh, I've just remembered...."s
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Sarah Rassier 2 years ago
If you’re in Minnesota you then mingle by the door for another 20 minutes before you actually leave
Susan Betz 2 years ago
From the midwest, but I'm old now. I say, "Welp, time to throw you out." AND I MEAN IT.
Deborah B 2 years ago
Stand up, and say "It's been lovely to see you, thank you so much for coming over." If they don't catch that hint. You continue with "It's getting late/nearly {time} so I mustent keep you any longer! Drive safe/do you need me to call you a taxi/text me so I know you made it home safe."
#12
That's Something
Lama 2 years ago (edited)
In an already slightly moldy tub of yoghurt, sitting in the back of the fridge. But in view, only half obscured by a vaguely orange tupperware with some cheese and half a tomato in it, and maybe an almost empty jar of pickles. Stick your hand in there, agent Smith.
Disgruntled Pelican 2 years ago
If you're someone who hoards Christmas decorations like myself, you take the USB and tape it to the inside of a Christmas village house. From there, you place it back in the protective styrofoam which then goes into its box. Typically, said box is then placed in some sort of tote box along with other miscellaneous decor. Tote box is then placed with the remaining Christmas/holiday decor in the back corner of the attic where it will promptly be forgotten about until the following Christmas.
Debbie 2 years ago
In 30 minutes? It would take me 30 minutes to find that decoration..
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Trish 2 years ago
This actually happened to me, but the FBI did find my flash drive. I'm currently writing this from my prison cell. Pro tip: Don't hide a flash drive in the freezer, it was the first place they checked.
Adam Zad 2 years ago
A guy on a watch list is having an email conversation with his aging farmer father. The father bemoans the fact that he's gotten too old to break up the dirt to plant his crops and that he thinks he's being watched by police. The son emails back "whatever you do, don't let them search the back yard! That's where I buried the evidence!" The next day, police raided the father's house and thoroughly dug up the yard, but found nothing. When the father told his son about the raid, the son said, "there. Now, you can do your planting."
Lace Neil 2 years ago
Inside a tampax box. That's how I hid things from my brothers as a teenager.
Izzi C 2 years ago
That’s how I’m hiding stuff from my bro currently. Still hasn’t found anything.
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Budcot 2 years ago
Assuming you want it in one piece, the seal of the fridge at the bottom, wedged with some gum so it doesn't move and rattle. Or unscrew a plug socket and chuck it into the wall.
CouchChihuahua 2 years ago
I would eat it :] they never gonna search my gut
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Duckie Measles 2 years ago
Knowing my cats, they'd did it out and want to play fetch with it.
Load More Replies...Oversharing often has innocent intentions, though, as it’s linked to how we’re feeling. “When we feel strong emotions, we often use social media to communicate with and get support from friends, family and colleagues,” Trieu and Cooper write. “We might share good news when we feel happy or excited, or anger and frustration might drive us to vent about our employers. When emotional, it is easy for us to cross the boundary between work and social life, underestimating the consequences of social media posts that can quickly go viral.”
#13
You Can't Put Them Anywhere
Liam Farranree 2 years ago
Forget astrological signs, tell me your childhood compulsive behaviour foreshadowing lifelong hangups. Mine was never being able to use video game powerups because I might regret not having them later.
mooshoflove 2 years ago
Haha I do this now... I'm 34. Been putting tape on the back to avoid using the actual sticker adhesive. Also do it with gift bows/ribbons
Just Katie 2 years ago
I'm glad I'm not the only one. I have so many stickers, and they're mostly just laying in a box somewhere.
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Amanda Hunter 2 years ago
I once returned to my car in a parking lot to find a large child's sticker on the door. I scraped it off with my fingernails while muttering unkind things about parents not supervising their children when I realized it wasn't my car!
#14
Ratatat 2 E
My O My 2 years ago
Absolutly! His speciality are different kinds of (who would have thought) Bratwurst. He's from Nürnberg of course
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#15
21st Century Surnames
Twinbowser 2 years ago
Shawn “Son of Kinney” (I love how most languages have or had surnames that meant ‘son of (name)’)
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liam newton-harding 2 years ago
Eyesteinn Foul-Fart, Olaf the Witch-Breaker, Astrid the Wisdom Slope, Bjarni the Tall Man With a House, Smaug the Ruler of S**t. Viking nicknames.
Liam Farranree 2 years ago
Does Bjarni have a tinder account by any chance?
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ॐBoyGanesh 2 years ago (edited)
Such as my friend Benjamin who is from Dover. Or my Irish friend Patrick who comes from a family of makers of outdoor tables and chairs. Ben Dover & Patty O’Furniture are lovely people. Tho, I feel dejected as my last name is Foxwell. Had I been born a girl, I’d have been named “Betty. Betty Foxwell.”
Yvette Desmarais 2 years ago
I think most names are that way. It's just the others are in languages we don't understand.
To ensure that we aren’t oversharing too much online, Trieu and Cooper recommend that we all set defined boundaries between our personal and professional lives. Inform your friends, family and colleagues about these boundaries, and rethink your relationships with anyone who doesn’t respect them. It can also be wise to create separate social media accounts for personal and professional use, or to keep your pages private to ensure you know exactly who’s able to view your content.
#16
Roosters Are The Best
Debby Keir 2 years ago (edited)
Neighbour keeps hens and a rooster. Henhouse is next to a street light. Light makes the rooster crow, day and night. Roosters only last a year or so before they die of exhaustion.....We are currently in the no rooster phase - yay.
Yvette Desmarais 2 years ago
Roosters will also sacrifice themselves to protect the hens from predators. They are heroes.
Erin Ward 2 years ago
Roosters are very often mean. My brother had to guard me when I went to get eggs so it wouldn't attack me
David 2 years ago
Oh HELLLL no. I owned a rooster ONCE. I was gullible enough to believe a person who told me if there was only one rooster (no competition) they wouldn't crow. Crowing early every morning outside of my bedroom. Gave it to a friend who had tons of chickens. Only raised hens after that.
Karen Klinck Klinck 2 years ago
It's advice that's been around for*years*.
Load More Replies... VonBlade 2 years ago
Clearly my neighbour over the back read this and added a rooster to her chicken coop. It lasted about two weeks before the more assertive people in my street got tired of being awoken at 5am every day.
Skim Beebles 2 years ago
Also in the immortal words of Alice in Chains, "y'know he ain't gonna die."
Janice - Hazeldine 2 years ago
Roosters are noisy, crowing often. They can also be mean and spiteful. We had one that used to drag the hens around by their eyelids (he was soup a while ago). The one we have now is a wuss. he only crows AFTER you have gone by, pretends he does not see you and hides if there is a predator and the hens get attacked. Led our hens into deep brush where we had trouble getting them out before the fox found them. You cant turn your back on him or he will attack you, not a predator just humans. On the plus side he ensures the girls have food first, never gobbles treats but leaves them for his ladies.
#17
Apologise To Mr Hoskins
Emmydearest 2 years ago
Or "I [21F] have been married to my husband [23M] since 2nd grade. We have 8 kids and one on the way. He's always been loving and caring but recently he's started to put adverts online saying he wants to sell our kids to the best offer. Also I've found photos or him clubbing little seal cubs. Another thing: he researched how to make antifreeze not taste bad when put into food. When confronted about these things he got angry and yelled I invaded his privacy. Yes, it's true but it was on accident because I used his laptop to make my academic research about a cure to cancer. I apologized but he's now very offended and is not talking to me. Am I the a*****e?"
Judi Fisher 2 years ago
Oh my, that sure is a dilemma! Ya soulda asked this question long before '6 hours to go' .. might want to invest in a really good carpet/floor cleaner, too -- perhaps you'll get one as a wedding gift 👰🤵
MotherofGuineaPigs 2 years ago
I would show Mr. Hoskins in the nostalgic memorable moments video shown at the reception.
Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago (edited)
Howdy folks, I’m Mr Hoskins 💩! Here’s my brother, Mr Hoskins 💩, and my other brother, Mr Hoskins 💩.
#18
Well Then
BetterBitterButter 2 years ago
And maybe Ed Sheeran hears about the incident and writes a song dedicated to you!
The Original Bruno 2 years ago
My Mom used to sing at church, and she'd get asked to do a lot of funerals. One day, she came home after AGAIN singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" at a Catholic Church, and tried to make us promise not to have anyone sing Wizard of Oz songs at her funeral. Rotten, evil kids that we were, my sister and I burst out singing at the exact same moment, "Ding Dong the Wicked Witch is Dead!" Pray for me when I die... that little outburst is gonna cost me a LOT of time in purgatory....
Auntriarch 2 years ago (edited)
I just laughed and spat peanuts all over my screen
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David 2 years ago
I didn't die (spoiler, I know) but I have memories of totaling my car as a teen and the only thing still working was the 8 track player kept playing Aerosmith - Toys in the Attic.
Leekier 2 years ago
Elderly friend once confided she’d agreed to have a hymn they both hated at her husband’s funeral because their son had loved it when he was a child so her husband had said it was his favourite and 50 years later she still didn’t have the heart to tell the truth!
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GlamourGhoul 2 years ago
Then mum tells the interwebs, next thing you know Ed Sheeran is singing Shape of You at the funeral
Phobrek 2 years ago
I think it was about 30 years ago when I read a news item in which some guy - maybe in his late teens - rolled his car and was injured. He was unable to move and all he could do was wait, in pain, for hours. Keeping him company during his wait was Wham's classic "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" stuck on repeat.
Lex <3 (they/them) 2 years ago
I think I have a new thing to add to my list of irrational fears
It’s also important to make sure that you respect the boundaries of others. If you plan on posting photos or videos of friends, it’s courteous to ask for their permission before sharing them publicly. And if anyone asks not to be featured on your account, make sure that you don’t overstep. Trieu and Cooper also add to share consciously online, to avoid making mistakes. They recommend staying offline when you’re feeling emotional, especially when you’re upset, and to always consider who will see your content before publishing it. If there’s anything you don’t want family or colleagues to see, perhaps it shouldn’t be out there.
#19
Ok Josh
Owen 2 years ago
I did something similar to prank one of my friends, but it was broccoli. She still talks about it, and has no idea it was me. I'll never tell.
Gardener of Weeden 2 years ago
Love the idea, but.... With the stupid racial tensions, please do not do this to a person/ family of color.( They might think it was meant to be a threat). Maybe do a cantaloupe or some other obscure fruit / vegetable.
Nadine Debard 2 years ago
In my area, a melon is a slur for people from North Africa. I don't even know why.
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Passerby 2 years ago
I was once asked the directions to Mars by a random stranger. It is still on my mind decades later.
steven mayes 2 years ago
Our neighbours put a gnome outside their house. A few weeks later we saw a similar gnome in a supermarket, bought it and placed it next to her gnome. She was totally perplexed and never did find out where it came from.
barn owls ️ 2 years ago
like the virginia tv man! he showed up and put old tv’s on people’s porches and he had a tv on his head, so we don’t know who it is. one of my favorite things that’s ever happened in my state
Jude Laskowski 2 years ago
I can beat your watermelon. In 1975, I had just broken up with a bf. It was my bday so I took myself to a local restaurant for dinner. I didn't see anyone I knew. After I finished my dinner, I asked the waitress for my check, but she said it had been paid. The guy left a note "Have a very merry unbirthday." I never found out who did this, and all my friends denied being there.
ThatOnePortobelloMushroom 2 years ago
One time we got a toilet at our front door 😀 truly, that will occupy my mind forever
#20
Relatable
Dani M 2 years ago
me too! I am in an inn, there are shadowy figures everywhere. my flagon is full and my horse is being tended to...
Brian Donnelly 2 years ago
The flagon with the dragon or the vessel with the pestle?
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Lene 2 years ago
I have seen this before! It is actually on my "everyday magic" page in my bullet journal 😁 along with showers being ritual cleanses and tea being magical potions.
Cerridwn d'Wyse 2 years ago
And what about the quest that they're going to send you on. Is it from the bartender or from the comly barmaid
Alison Welles 2 years ago
and when you go upstairs there will be scratchy sheets and a porcelain pot in which to relieve yourself. Wake up! Wake up! it's 1809 and we have indoor plumbing now.
#21
Ok
Owen 2 years ago
My cat brought in a baby bird once, and I rescued it from the feline terrorist and nursed it back to health. I put it into a pizza box and named it Pizza.Two days later I released it back into the wild, and watched from the patio as a crow came and carried it away. But I knew the crows in the trees had babies. I was heartbroken but... that's nature. I am still unsure how I feel about that. Moral dilemma.
Sandella 2 years ago (edited)
I guess it depends whether you were watching a documentary about the baby bird, or about the crow and his/her babies.
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Berry Totts 2 years ago
So we have recently been blessed with a murder of crows in our yard. I keep saying they're my murder of crows, oh look there's the murder of crows, etc. my husband is now getting nervous bc he says I just like saying "murder" and am trying to desensitize SIRI so that when they take my phone after he disappears I won't look guilty.
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Nadine Bamberger 2 years ago
My cat somehow managed to p**s off a crow, and now that crow follows him around wherever he goes, flies mock attacks and constantly screams at him. Poor cat is a mess lol
Ambry Petersen 2 years ago
We made friends with a little Junco bird once. She always nested in one of our bushes and would hop up close to us whenever we were outside and listen to us talk to her...until crows moved into the neighborhood and killed her. They also dropped stcks on our heads as if to mock us. I haven't trusted crows since.
Darkiriscat 2 years ago
I want to go too. Can the crow recommend me to its friends so i can become a godess if the forest please
It’s always wise to do periodic clean ups on your social media accounts as well. If you find something from 5 years ago that doesn’t align with your beliefs anymore, just delete it. Yes, it’s possible that plenty of people have already viewed it, but you have the chance to minimize who else can or even eliminate anyone else from seeing it in the future. Especially for the average person who doesn’t have a huge following online, it can make a big difference to simply hit delete on questionable posts.
#22
What Did The Frog Do?
Emma S 2 years ago (edited)
This is an American thing. Try telling someone how they can decorate their home or garden that they own in the UK and you won't get very far. You'd be laughed out of court.
Joe Reaves 2 years ago
The idea is it stops people dragging the property prices down - but I'd rather live next to Onslow and his junker car than Hyacinth Bucket any day.
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Nina 2 years ago
I totally feel this, don't understand the insanity. If you're living in an apartment building it's logical since you share parts of the building. Besides that, hell no, I don't want Rita from three doors down complaining about the length of my lawn or something equally ridiculous.
Landithy 2 years ago
I'm so grateful that I was able to move to a really old neighborhood that pre-dates HOAs and people feel comfortable letting their freak flags fly. Often literally. In my street alone there's two Jolly Rogers, a United Federation of Planets, and an International Flag of Planet Earth. As well as no end of brightly colored doors, flamingos, free art, a big-a*s mural, and that for a few glorious months, a 12-foot tall werewolf. The really funny thing is, when left to their own devices, people rarely do anything outlandish anyway.
El Dee 2 years ago
I'd never heard of this US thing until recently. It sounds like some kind of criminal enterprise to extort people who have no choice but to comply..
Graham Berry 2 years ago
It didn't used to be. It started off as a way to reduce costs by having group expenses bundled for things like water, sewage, garbage, and other things where group rates are cheaper. Now it is just an extortion racket with very few if any benefits. The worst thing is you can not opt out if you live in a HOA.
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Bethann Gault 2 years ago
To the idiots who buy into these places that have HOA fees . Sorry but you can't fix Stupid
SnackbarKaat 2 years ago
I'm from Belgium and you can put whatever the f* you want in your front yard, except that one time a guy put a gnome with his pants down in it
#23
Mood
Liam Farranree 2 years ago
Reminds me of the time I asked my supervisor to give me all my remaining holiday time just to get away from a toxic workplace as soon and for as long as possible. My first day back supervisor gives me a hearty "So you're relaxed and refreshed now that you're back after your break." no doubt expecting an enthusiastic eager beaver response. I just look him straight in eye and said deadpan "I'm back."
Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦 2 years ago
Currently unemployed. I'm someone who sees a lot of healthcare providers and when they ask and I say that I'm here, I mean the following: "It's been rough as of late, but I haven't attempted suicide because of it." Mental health issues are brutal. If any Panda with mental health issues is reading this, just know that I love and care about you.
Charity Angel 2 years ago
I had a requested appt with my pain management psych yesterday. Her dirst question was "How are you?" followed quickly by "I'm guessing not 'fine' since you asked for an appt..." Actually, I'm in a better place than when I asked for the appointment
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T'Mar of Vulcan 2 years ago
When you ask my colleague, a fellow teacher how she is, she says, "I work at Redacted Primary - how do you think I am?"
Charity Angel 2 years ago
As another teacher (if medically retired), this speaks to my very soul.
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#24
Dementia Is A Game For 2 Or More Players
Ty Stratton-Quirk 2 years ago
Harold: "I killed my best friend, Jerry, thirty-three years ago this coming Saturday." Jerry: "Goldangit, Harold, quit tellin' people I'm dead!!!"
John’s Girl 2 years ago
I actually have early onset Alzheimer’s/dementia, and I love this idea. I think that Tom Segura should host Xxx’s podcast. Thoughts?
Grace and Lucy 2 years ago
A movie divided into different people of differing ages telling death bed confession stories.
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Chris Landrum 2 years ago
my mom was on fentanyl years ago and when I was talking to her, she was still in the hospital, and I was just leaving work she said," you probably should not have killed those people". Hunh?
Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago
A neighbor couple of my Mom's in Phoenix were probably in their 90s. The wife very casually mentioned that he was a gangster (bootleg liquor, prostitution, etc.) back in the day and cheated on her shortly after they'd gotten married, so she shot him. Must have done the trick because they'd been married for over 60 years.
If you’re worried about oversharing, Trieu and Cooper recommend treating social media like your own personal brand. “If you wouldn’t say it to your colleagues and managers, don’t post it online,” they write. “Social media can enrich our professional and personal lives, but ill-considered posts and oversharing can be damaging to yourself and others. Being smart on social media is something we need to get better at in our professional lives, just as much as our personal lives.”
#25
There’s No One In Their Basement
Trish 2 years ago
I'm willing to bet that no one is walking down the interstate right now, completely nude except for a pair of buttless chaps, with green Jell-O smeared all over their body, holding a live chicken in one hand and a copy of the 1974, week 42 TV Guide in the other.
Lex <3 (they/them) 2 years ago
I am 100% sure no one is sitting in a traffic jam caused by 5 escaped zoo elephants tap dancing in the middle of a highway while driving in a black convertible listening to Christmas music while a 5 year old screams for candy in the back seat
Pizzaking, village burner. 2 years ago
*Runs out of your chicken pen holding a bag of seeds*
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ColdSteelRonin 2 years ago
Well I am definitely not doom scrolling bored panda as I hide in my cubicle pretending to be productive
Stephanie Barr 2 years ago
No one is sneaking into a dragon's lair to steal its treasure and getting the c**p beat out of them by a couple of cats. Well, except in my story.
Christian Dyson 2 years ago
No one is tap dancing in sandals, on the roof of their house with 39 ladybugs in their mouth and a blue footed booby on their head while covered head to toe with mochi listening to the duck song. No one is doing that.
Juliette Deroulede 2 years ago
No one is writing my book right now... Not even me. I'll get to that when I free myself from BP...
#26
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Charlie the Cat 2 years ago
Actually that is a fair point. Why do mobile games want access to photo galleries and camera on your phone?
Jessica N 2 years ago
Usually so you can set a profile pic in game. But I like their explanation better
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Nice Beast Ludo 2 years ago
Omg I accidentally hit my power button 3 times while on the toilet which activated some kind of emergency signal, took a picture of me on the pot, sent my GPS location with it and sent it to my husband and 3 other people. SO HUMILIATING
David 2 years ago
I never played Pokemon Go because of this. Was going to install it but took the time to read the permissions stuff and was like, oh hell no.
Beff Jezos 2 years ago
And that’s why I’m here today to talk about our sponsor…RAID shadow legends!
._. 2 years ago
I'm surprised that "u/German-Vagina" wasn't censored (not that it should be. Also this comment is almost definitely getting censored)
Kerri 2 years ago
1 week later and neither your comment or the post has been censored
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Lauren M 2 years ago
I think the real question is why do you have photos of yourself on the toilet? Who would you even send them too?
bob cameron 2 years ago
To remember the "good times" (wait till you get old)
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#27
114 Is A Lot Of Cats, For Sure
Cat Palmer 2 years ago
Why would you want to fight them off? Why not just accept what we all know to be true and bow down to our feline overlords? Pet some of the cats while you're down there.
René Sauer 2 years ago
But all the cats would be in Scotland then. What about the rest of us who want to live with cats?
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HeavyMetalHeart 2 years ago
I’m Scottish and I would simply accept my new feline overlords. I’m already controlled by one cat, another 114 won’t make much difference.
KM 2 years ago
that's what you say now, but wait till you have to clean 114 litter boxes !
Load More Replies... Rowboat 2 years ago
Ok, ignoring the obvious "why fight a cat?" question - Glaswegians saw a terrorist set themselves on fire in an airport and decided it was time for a fist fight. I like their odds.
Chewie Baron 2 years ago
That’s Glasgow though. Dundee would think they were suffering the wrath of Korky the Cat!
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Charity Angel 2 years ago
You are, of course, assuming we *want* to take them on
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Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago
I would just end up increasing the number of cats in my house from 2 to 114, and none of them would ever want to leave. Or hurt me, because they would instantly realize they fell into a really good thing with me, and wouldn’t want to f**k it up. I couldn’t think of a nicer war to wage, tbh.
Dawnieangel76 2 years ago
At this point in time, having cats officially run the world sounds lovely.
We hope you’re enjoying all of these suspiciously specific posts from social media, pandas. Keep upvoting the ones you find particularly intriguing, and feel free to share about your own oddly specific “hypothetical” situations in the comments below. Then, if you’re looking for even more bizarre and oddly specific posts, feel free to check out this Bored Panda article next!
#28
Could You Imagine
Owen 2 years ago
That is now a life goal for me. I didn't have any before. Thank you for this.
CouchChihuahua 2 years ago
I have life goal 4 u. Get chihuahua pls :] definitely not written by a chihuahua (ignore me username)
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ConstantlyJon 2 years ago
the John Mulaney bit on this is hilarious: "It was always weird when I'd go out for the night with like some money, and then black out and wake up with no money. It was even weirder, though, when I went out for the night with some money, black out, and wake up with more money, because that means that I earned money. That means that I traded goods and/or services. Which is scary."
Kristie French 2 years ago (edited)
We have a mentally handicapped fellow here named Phil. He walks to the convenient store everyday for a drink and a snack, but on his way there is a hay field, and he will break out in dance every day. It’s fantastic to see someone so happy and so carefree. Everyone in town loves him and waves. He’s a joy!
GlamourGhoul 2 years ago
I don't know why, but I can't stand the host of Cash Cab. He's like nails on a chalkboard.
#29
Just Some Guy
Queen Penelope 2 years ago
DUDES! WILL! BE! LIKE! “WHERES! MY! BIG! TIDDY! GF! WITH! A! SMALL! WAIST! THAT! WATCHES! ANIME! AND! PLAYS! VIDEO! GAMES! BUT! NOT! TOO! MUCH! AND! CAN! BE! BOTH! MY! MOM! AND! MY! THERAPIST!” MEANWHILE! THEYRE! JUST! SOME! GUY!
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Stefan 2 years ago
He was an alpha, she watched anime what more can I say?
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Rider (any pronouns) 2 years ago
She's living in a commune with the rest of the awesome females cause no one wants a manchild.
JalaPeno 2 years ago (edited)
As if women aren't sitting there going, "Where's my 6'4" jacked boyfriend that has a six figure job, but still has enough time to take me shopping everyday and constantly tells me how perfect I am and never complains about any of my silly little "quirks" and has zero expectations of me doing anything nice for him because he's only there to serve me, because I'm *obviously* a 10"...
#30
Does This Go Here
Realistic_Lemons (any) 2 years ago
I want to upvote this a million times. Also, i probably won’t be checking your account by your next birthday, so happy 65th in advance!
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HeavyMetalHeart 2 years ago
This is my boyfriend but he’s in this phase permanently. We have to buy so much bread!
Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago (edited)
Toast that’s buttered while hot so the butter melts right into it. Coupled with a cup of hot tea with milk and sugar. Yes. My go-to comfort food, especially when I’m coming down with something, since I was a child (when I was sick as a child, my mother was just happy to see me eating, and tea and toast is bland enough and easy enough on your stomach that it rarely ever came right back up).
Binky Melnik 2 years ago
Yeah, except I hafta restrain myself from eating an entire stick of butter. To hell with the bread; it’s just a vehicle to get butter into me.
#31
My Lil Bro Takes Video Games Very Seriously
Mike Fitzpatrick 2 years ago
Furiously typing all of that into Google before realizing that the boy is PISSED!
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StumblingThroughLife 2 years ago
'Minger' is a common insult in most of the Uk - but the Scottish are absolute pros when it comes to insults.
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#32
Guilty As Charged...
Tarryn Ball 2 years ago
I'm a Boomer so forgive me being allergic to technology. However I used to think the egg plant emoji was an egg plant. People would invite me over for dinner and ask if there was anything I didn't eat. I'd be like, "I don't like egg plant (insert emoji). I won't eat egg plant, that stuff makes me gag.
#33
They Complete Each Other
Tina Smith 2 years ago
Bonus points when you hear both "Honey, you pack too much" and "Darling, I need XXX that I forgot to pack...Did you remember to bring XXX?"
Load More Replies... Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago
Even more infuriating when the one who packed early doesn’t tell you about the plans until that morning, and thinks you can just blink your eyes or wiggle your nose and be perfectly packed, showered, hair done, makeup on, dressed, and breakfasted in 10 minutes, because you have a flight to catch that morning.
Queen Penelope 2 years ago
Why do men take 2 minutes to get ready and me 2 hours? I don't even wear makeup or dress nice
imsouravmitra 2 years ago
It takes around 10 min for me, from the time I wake up. My trick is I've eliminated the option of having to choose from a collection of clothes. There, I declared I'm a poor panda
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#34
Fyi
Sem Kix 2 years ago
Thank you, I heard they dug my hole up but I hid the body deeper so thanks to you I'm not in jail for murdering the president of Malaysia
Rinso the Red 2 years ago
Pro tip: Bury a dead animal a couple feet above the body. So when the cadaver dogs come around, everyone will think they know what they found.
Adam Zad 2 years ago
I find a nice walk in the woods to be very relaxing. The fact that I'm dragging a body behind me is completely irrelevant.
Crescent 3 2 years ago
Another tip: Dig the hole deep enough, but just wide enough to bury the body vertically, not horizontally. Search instruments are calibrated to find horizontal graves and search teams look for traditionally-shaped graves.
Michael Largey 2 years ago
That's why you hug some people - so you'll know how deep to dig the hole.
Joe Reaves 2 years ago
Bury a dead cat or dog a foot or so above the thing you don't want the police to find. They'll assume the disturbed earthw as just the pet burial and that was what the dog was alerting on.
Nupraptor 2 years ago
Everyone is jumping to dead bodies but I'm pretty sure this message is in regards to 💩
Kayhan Almir 2 years ago
Oh yeah definitely, or maybe like a trap of sort that can trick something to fall in it! 🪤
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Ken Beattie 2 years ago
Here I am assuming he's talking about digging a latrine and everyone on BP is jumping straight to murder and body disposal.
Jared Robinson 2 years ago
Always dig the hole first. That way if you are not up to it, you don't still have to hide a body.
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
What you just said resonates. So many shows have people (even kids) hauling away with a shovel, digging a huge hole in next to no time. I buried my small dog and even digging a two foot square, and two foot deep hole is bloody difficult. Rocks, tree roots, hard - dry soil. I was knackered after digging a small hole. It'd be a heart attack waiting to happen trying to dig a 6"x3"x6" hole for a person.
Load More Replies... #35
Shakespeare Of Our Time
Heather Resatz 2 years ago
Sounds like my old roomie 'Tornado Jenna' .. but with less kissing and more 'borrowing' clothes without asking
•Prolific Panda• 2 years ago
Aw f**k never had a relationship but still relate to this. Im not okay.
#36
With Your Hair Softly Blowing In The Wind
The Chocolate Gecko 2 years ago
No. I feel like a disappointed English teacher. And like a NORMAL person, I make that duck face and look disappointed, like a student just tried to tell me the real narrative of an over-annotated classic. Duh.
Shankshaw Redeemer 2 years ago
I wear cardigans constantly and I'm an English teacher. I don't want students to be able to see the wings I have perfectly trained in my upper arms while I'm writing on the board. Students are hoping I'm getting ready to fly those wings on out the window. But I'm only flapping them in the wind.
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Christof Irran 2 years ago
Dolores stepped out onto her deck and pulled her cardigan closed across her chest with crossed arms, and her wrinkly lips that had, over the years, closed around a hundred thousand filter tips of a hundred thousand Marlboros formed into a rare smile: “I know of two nuclear warheads that will never detonate, and I am the only one who knows why.”
Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago (edited)
No, I’m usually just really chilly and the cardigan ain’t keeping me warm enough to think.
#37
It’s A Family Secret
The Other Guest 2 years ago
I've told this story before, so forgive me if you've heard it already: had a friend give me her mom's recipe for Coca-Cola cake, then got ticked off when I gave the "secret family recipe" to friends. 1) she never told me it was a secret prior to me giving it out; 2) I bought a cookbook of bake sale recipes a couple decades later, and guess what was in it, almost verbatim?
WildHoneyPie 2 years ago (edited)
On the other hand, my mom entered her delicious roll recipe in an elementary school cookbook for a fundraiser. Except she put the oven temperature up to at least 50 - 70 degrees hotter. My sister tried to make them using the cookbook and her rolls burst into flames! - my mom was an evil little s**t, lol.
R Dennis 2 years ago
Cheating on a spouse is one thing... but only my children will ever get my bbq sauce recipe.
Cydney Golden 2 years ago
The best is when you share a recipe and the person says it didn't taste the same as yours. "I didn't have milk so I substituted water, I don't like butter so I left it out, I used artificial sweetener instead of sugar, oh and I baked it twice as long just to be sure."
#38
Jack Black
Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago (edited)
If I was abducted by aliens and saw Jack Black on the same ship with me, especially if he was wandering around with Bugles on his fingers to make them look like claws—-and I can just see that expression on his face, you know the one—-I’d consider myself incredibly lucky and decide the trip was totally worth it.
#39
Typical Shrimp Watch
imsouravmitra 2 years ago
I'm not high at the moment but I don't know why I'm got trippy just thinking about the person who asked the time. I think I need to sleep it off
Juliette Deroulede 2 years ago
Reminds me of those horrible creepy starfish earrings in Aquamarine that whisper compliments in your ears 😬
#40
Sky Bird!
Landithy 2 years ago
Would honestly probably help with my crippling fear of flying more than the Xanax.
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Julie S 2 years ago
And your legs out the bottom of the plane and run along the runway before take off.
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GV Martinez-Williams 2 years ago
I don't particularly clap when landing, but it's a tradition (or it was, I've not air travel in a long time now) in Puerti Rico. It's meant as "thank you for bringing us down safely" to the pilots and crew. After being married (now widowed) to a army pilot, who taught me how dangerous takeoff and landings are, I certainly make sure to gives my thank you to the entire flight crew before leaving the airplane.
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PotatoNinja5000 2 years ago (edited)
Ah yes, the return trip from Magaluf when everyone is in that weird delirium state of hangover-from-hell mixed with one-last-p**s-up-at-the-airport-bar.
Jacqui Dunn 2 years ago
It sure does happen....it's just everyone is saying it in their minds.
#41
Does Your Town Have A Horseback Jesus?
Owen 2 years ago (edited)
In my city, right on my block, we have Old Nessa. She is a lovely old lady who quietly drinks in the same spot every afternoon for about three hours. She knows everyone and every piece of gossip. If you want any gossip, give her a cigarette and she'll tell you everything. She is very kind. [Edit: Old Nessa is not homeless. She goes out for a few hours every day to get away from her boyfriend, who she constantly complains about. She's 76yrs old and has a toyboy 20yrs younger. Go Nessa!]
Liam Farranree 2 years ago
Sounds like anyone in your city who has heard of Miss Marple should send the police in her direction next time there's a crime they're unable to solve.
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Susie Elle 2 years ago (edited)
Nijmegenaren be like: tamboerijnvrouw (In my hometown Nijmegen there was this streetperformer lady playing the tambourin EVERY FREAKIN DAY, and not even good but just endless shikkashikkashik and sometimes random yelling. She was so well known that when she died, it made the newspaper and hundreds of people came together at the square she used to sit and play on.)
Jon Clingenpeel 2 years ago
Omg that’s 100% true. In Olney Maryland we the “Walking Guy”. I’ve been seeing him walk miles and miles ever since the mid 90’s. Usually wearing high cut, almost booty shorts and his fluff of red/blond hair has become an icon https://mocoshow.com/blog/the-olney-walking-guyrunning-man-html/
Skylar Jaxx 2 years ago
The running man Jon the running man. And I was just coming here to give him his just due. He lives in Baltimore. And had ran the entire Maryland and some parts of the dmv. He is still out here running.
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Tarryn Ball 2 years ago
Ours is "Bike Man". The dude rides all around Perth in tight stubbies and a wife beater. The dude's huge and hairy like a gorilla. You can be 6 hours out of Perth, he goes cruisn' by.
Jon Clingenpeel 2 years ago
Had to google stubbies. Wish I didn’t. I can’t unsee those shorts now.
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JustDucky 2 years ago
We have a guy in our city who wears bunny ears all year round. He's everywhere...from one end of town to the other and anywhere in between. Bunny Ears Guy. He spends a lot of time in different McDonalds around town or at the mall food court playing Chess on one of those electronic chessboards.
R Dennis 2 years ago
We used to have an old dude (like Gandalf looking old) that would ride around the city on a 10-speed wearing the smallest g-string bathing suit you could imagine... that image you're imagining? Smaller...
Rachel'n-it-easy 2 years ago (edited)
So true. We have a guy that looks like Jimmie Hendrix but dresses like a pirate. All leather, big hat with feathers. He stands on street corners playing air guitar for tips.
Courtney Roberts 2 years ago
We have the Unipiper in Portland, goes around in a kilt, on a unicycle, playing the bagpipes, and almost always wearing a Darth Vader helmet.
KWilly 2 years ago (edited)
The college town I went to had St Cloud Superman. Just a dude in a Superman costume who stood on the street corner with his hands on his hips watching over the town. The town I now live in has a dude we call Micro Mini Pimp. Tiny little guy who always has a gaggle of ladies with him.
#42
Ipod
ValdaDeDieu 2 years ago
Turns out SHE WASN'T HAPPY with that "gun" in your pocket...
Load More Replies... StumblingThroughLife 2 years ago
That reminded me of sitting on a bus on the way to work with a Walkman on, and having the urge to fart... thinking: "No one will hear me, the music is too loud" ... that turned out to be a very long and uncomfortable journey.
#43
Lovelighting And Gasbombing
tuzdayschild 2 years ago
If it weren't for all the burning, I'd probably agree.
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ThatOnePortobelloMushroom 2 years ago
They say it's easier to fly through the eye of a needle than to make it into heaven
#44
I Want A Tree From This Guy
MabelPines76 2 years ago
Mrs. Evans would put the weed in her purse, buy a tree and have the best time ever putting those ornaments on.
Mingo Contraventum 2 years ago
Back in the early seventies there was a florist in the inner city of Copenhagen and if you asked for a good cactus, he took you out in the back where he kept the mescaline ones.
#45
Is There Something You Need To Tell Us?
Captain Kyra 2 years ago
Reading about Ben Franklin makes me think he would be disappointed you aren't sharing
Landithy 2 years ago
Yeah Ben "Card-carrying Member of the Hellfire Club" Franklin definitely sounds like a fat rail of white lightning kind of guy.
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Chris Landrum 2 years ago
I always took it that he did not approve what I was buying. you know like a private dance
PlatinumTheCat 2 years ago
At least the dollar bills can’t speak, then you would get a scolding whenever you buy something
ShaZam Beaubien 2 years ago
Benjamin Franklin was the original gangster ... womanizer and member of a sex cult
#46
Only A 7.5
BetterBitterButter 2 years ago
If someone makes such an app I am in. And I have never tried online dating but like this post says this is too specific.
Pigeonvonbirb 2 years ago
my dude you just made me laugh my a*s off which resulted in waking up my whole household.
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Who Hasn't ?
VonBlade 2 years ago
We learnt times tables by rote. On the plus side it means I know all multiplication up to 12 x 12 without even calculating.
Lauren S 2 years ago
Yes but, then my 7 year old asks me what 13 x 13 is. I tell him I only go up to 12. I learned up to 12, higher multiplication doesn’t exist.
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David 2 years ago (edited)
I remember crying a bit at a parent teacher interview as the teacher told my mom how I just wasn't getting different bases. Adult me who supervised nuclear plants and was tier 3 IT support DID get them but why the heck were you teaching that c**p to a fourth grader? Or possibly it was third grade.
Chris Landrum 2 years ago
fifty years ago coming home from Christmas vacation in florida back to Ohio and my mom asking, 6 times 7"
Pigeonvonbirb 2 years ago
*sobs* I remember it was painful. Thankfully I do my math hw by myself in my room now:D
#48
Ska
꯱ׁׅ֒tׁׅυׁׅƙׁׅ֑ꪱׁׅ 2 years ago
Aha, this is true. My sister can speak from experience. (I myself hate cheese, so it's like staring at death for me)
Chewie Baron 2 years ago
Check out The Specials, Fun Boy 3, The Jam and perhaps some of Madness.
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mooshoflove 2 years ago (edited)
Haha! Love ska! Love mozzarella sticks!! 🎺 -- and hacky sacks
DetongLhamo 2 years ago
I find myself wondering now, ‘what would Terry Hall think about this’? Sadly we’ll never know.
Sue Bradley 2 years ago
Not sure if Desmond Decker is Ska - but is on most Ska compilations - pure sex!!!
#49
The Future People
Benita Valdez 2 years ago
Wait a second. What Troll movie we talking about? That horrible early 90's horror? If so then I am so interested in that garbage
#50
Anyone Know The Meme?
Alexej Dvorak 2 years ago
Imagine you want to do the minimalistic ascii version of an annoying meme and the website doesn't fu©king allow new line commands in 2023.
Load More Replies... VonBlade 2 years ago
As someone who was around at the time, it felt no different to the XKCD strip in which we discover his wife has cancer. I didn't/don't understand why it received such vitriol.
juice 2 years ago
well i remember people being upset because the creator's past comics were kind of lazy and juvenile, so the sudden attempt at something serious was surprising/a bit ridiculous. it's also been accused of using "fridging", which is hurting or traumatizing a (usually) female character just as a device to give a (usually) male character motivation or development. it happens a lot in superhero stories. so it was probably a combination of those things, plus the fact that the creator isn't a great person
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Lisa Reuss 2 years ago
This one isn’t funny. It’s just sad, and I am unhappy that she didn’t refer to him as her EX boyfriend.
#51
Gotta Remember This One
Aisling Raye 2 years ago
This reminded me of a Reddit post I saw about how baked potatoes are the perfect snack to sneak into college football games. They're a hand warmer and a tasty treat. I probably saw that post two or more years ago and I've thought about it ever since.
Mike Fitzpatrick 2 years ago
I don't typically do parties, but if this guy is gonna be there, I'm in.
#52
Saw This Gem While Browsing Twitter
Crybabyartist 2 years ago
Yeah, why bother when you can have National Geographic, and a Sears catalogue!
Load More Replies... ShaZam Beaubien 2 years ago
not sure what I would do if a stranger said I look like the lady in daddy's secret magazine
Panda Kicki 2 years ago
She must have read Pratchetts Monstrous Regiment. Be gone, unholy blue!
Alexej Dvorak 2 years ago
I always advocate strongly against kink shaming, but I don't wanna pee my pants.
Himory TheDreamer 2 years ago
"Scream because circles should be squares" sounds like what I was just doing. Except it was because banners have nothing in common with covers. Also have an issue with having no more food if you eat everything. Am autistic with really bad executive function.
#54
Real Deal Breaker
General Anaesthesia 2 years ago (edited)
A hollowed out Mein Kampf with a gun in it, I don't think reading it would make a difference.
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Suna Amun 2 years ago
Well, I mean books are only dangerous if you read them, but that says a lot about the people who own guns and their tap water IQ
Crybabyartist 2 years ago
Apparently you've never had the OED fall on your head off the top shelf. I'd have to say that reading ideas is not dangerous at all but very healthy, however blindly following any book is probably not something you should do without a lot of thought.
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#55
You Have To Accept This
Queen Penelope 2 years ago
I'm more like dead body #386 in the credit list
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HeavyMetalHeart 2 years ago
I’m too short sighted to survive the apocalypse. As soon as my glasses get broken, I’m done for.
Coyote Osborne 2 years ago
I know and have practiced multiple methods of making water potable, and know all sorts of primitive skills. Unfortunately, I will likely die early in the apocalypse because I need insulin.
Philly Bobcat 2 years ago (edited)
I'll probably die faster than the whore in any horror movie... Like my cell phone battery.
Bored Trash Panda 2 years ago (edited)
HA jokes on you, me and my husband already have actual machetes by our front door AND have emergency kits with water purifying tabs and stuff in them :P
Natty Tempest 2 years ago
I'm a quest giver that pays well for insulin, but has great loot if you are immoral and kill him...
#56
That Product Would Sell Well
Jules (they/them) 2 years ago
This sounds like something Stan Pines would do (Gravity Falls). He was at one point a traveling salesman and failed miserably. And then the Mystery Shack is kind of a amalgamation of confused interest. "The Man Baby. 'Am I a man? Am I a baby? These are legitimate questions.'"
Amelia Jade 2 years ago
Hahaha, I actually heard Soos's voice as I read that and heard the gasp of the crowd.
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David Paterson 2 years ago
A pity it can't loop back to the exact opposite of what it said originally, like a Mobius strip.
#57
What Is Denny’s Even On
#58
Seems Like He's Been Through A Lot
ॐBoyGanesh 2 years ago (edited)
Not nearly as frightening and traumatizing as sitting through another Albertstuff/Flamingo video. The high-pitched, mock-panic that’s typically reserved for prepubescent girls suggests to me there’s something really wrong with that 24yo Roblox-obsessed guy. He’s like grown-āss adult women who talk in a baby voice and express themselves as 12 year olds.
GhostlySnail (she/her) 2 years ago
This is why I don’t sign up for community service hours at my younger brother’s school.
Katy McMouse 2 years ago
It took me entirely too long to figure out that the username is fat demo man.
#59
Sounds Like Someone Didn’t Have Fun
Desiree Meredith 2 years ago
Disney seems like a nightmare. My desire to go is in the negative range. If I got free tickets, I still wouldn't go.
Queen Penelope 2 years ago
I was there as a kid and I was miserable. My sister's kids were miserable and weren't old enough to get anything out of it. My mom and stepdad went for the sake of going and both said standing is all they did. I see no point. I remember 4 hotdog and fries meals in the 90s costing $60 for that...
Celtic Danika 2 years ago
I go to Disneyland for the exercise and the merch. Sometimes for the baby ducks/geese. There's no other place where I can happily log 4 miles and feel like I barely walked anywhere. I rarely get on rides, but I also know when it's worth getting in line and when it's better to wait. The app helps. I take sunscreen, a hat, a thermal water bottle, and a portable fan in the spring/summertime. Although, I don't have kids and usually go on my own, so I'm allowed the luxury of making and changing my own plans. Maybe that's the key to enjoying Disneyland, now that I think about it. 😁
#60
Hmmmm
#61
Who Says It Isn’t
VonBlade 2 years ago (edited)
See also : Quicksand, being on fire, and being offered sweeties by strangers.
Pie 2 years ago
I used to have a fat black and white cat. You know the type of fat cat. Determined to be fat. On a strict diet so she dumpster dives sticks of butter to keep up the fatness... anyway. I'm having a cig one night and I see my black and white fat cat's butt sticking out of the trash area. I tell her to stop. She ignores me. Cycle repeats. Eventually I get mad and go to gently nudge her with my foot to get her attention. As my foot reaches out I think "wow, my cat's fur looks awful." Then I touched it. And a baby skunk comes tearing out of my trash. I run screaming into the house. And there's my fat cat sitting inside looking at me like I'm an idiot.
The Other Guest 2 years ago
Tomato juice doesn't work. You need a mixture of baking soda, hydrogen peroxide, and a really good dishwashing liquid. Signed, someone who has had to get skunk spray off the dogs four times in the past 10 years
#62
Depression On A Stick
Alexej Dvorak 2 years ago (edited)
Just give some random consoling phrases like "wow that's crazy" or "how unfortunate" before taking a bite. Chances are they go "right?! and imagine this..", and it gives them time and reencouragement to ramble on and cry some more while you chew. Repeat until you run out of corn dogs.
GhostlySnail (she/her) 2 years ago (edited)
Just take several small bites of it in a very depressed manner.
Coyote Osborne 2 years ago
Either until they stop crying, or your stomach rumbles loud enough that they hear it.
David Paterson 2 years ago
Immediately. With a bit of luck it will distract them from their own problems, and without a bit of luck it will make listening to them more pleasing.
#63
The First Rule Of Waffle House Is
Trish Panda 2 years ago (edited)
I only fight other Trishs, so put them up!
Load More Replies... Mike Fitzpatrick 2 years ago
We laugh about this place, but I took my mother in for a stress test that she had to fast before taking. When she finished I took her to one of them and then had to wrangle her out of the car. She was about 84 and feeble AF and the cook saw me getting her out of the car and ran to the doors to help get her inside. After we ate he got a healthy tip for his help that I had to fight with him to accept. Those places are zoos when the sun goes down, but the help is pretty great in my book.
ShaZam Beaubien 2 years ago
then they ask you a trick question: can you lock up? Say no, because Waffle house never closes.
Jared Robinson 2 years ago
Look Debbie I'ma need more than 3.50 an hour to start handing out dirt naps.
#64
Highly Recommend 10/10
HeavyMetalHeart 2 years ago
I don’t even need to close my eyes! I’m doing it right now while also reading BP!
#65
Can't Say I Have
#66
I Needed To Hear That. Thank You
Persephone 2 years ago
"Someone ate spaghetti in the shower again! Kaboom baby!" (I will be shocked if anyone knows this reference)
Queen Penelope 2 years ago
I loved that old infomercial lmao! Billy Mays. That's going back
Load More Replies... VonBlade 2 years ago
Tomato sauce, lovely. White sauce, equally delicious. Never the twain shall meet!
Pie 2 years ago
Except for Rose sauce. Which is literally the twain meeting. And it tastes like heaven.
Load More Replies... #67
Man, I Love Me Some Tiny Pot Soup
DC 2 years ago
Hell, he should just, once and for all, get them, eat them or cook gold or whatever is his intention, do whatever he likes to the remains, if there are any, and move on being an old grumpy basterd who'll eventually drop dead while obeying Ma's secret cold remedy recipe and going incredible length to gather ground stork feet and such, with a bad cold, while the rum actually is the only active ingredient, ... and then, they discover the blue little corpses. Atrocities only exceeded by your average slaughtering plant in any given minute of operation are about to show, ... actually, I had a VHS tape with smurf porn worth some 10 minutes or so, but who cares? I doubt I still have it around ... basement, maybe, ... anyway, ... can't he just fulfill his lifelong quest and eat them bluesmen already, can he?
Load More Replies... DC 2 years ago
Tiny fire. Tiny ingredients, like ... if a giant just gets peeled onions into his soup, you deconstruct them into their very cells. Have fun tonight, soup's on tomorrow, lot to do!
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Methany
#69
That's Interesting
VonBlade 2 years ago
I can write cursive and am the family IT guy. Because I'm not a selfish wad I taught all my family the dos and don'ts of obvious scams, and thus they get no viruses and no nigerian princes or people escaping the middle east to be found.
Aiw Aiwou 2 years ago
Being family IT guy sucks. You can't visit anyone without having to spend a lot of time helping them with computer while everyone else is having fun.
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DC 2 years ago
They don't know anybody who hasn't started fossilizing, so they don't know anybody who not only qualifies as alive, but also is able to write cursive (or whatever other older skills you are to be said to lack without even asking). ITS FACT111
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Linda R 2 years ago (edited)
I'm a boomer who doesn't know how to make horseshoes on an anvil, or churn butter. It's all about what you've been exposed to, and it doesn't make someone "dumb" if they never learned to do something. As for writing in cursive, I can, but it looks terrible. It's easier to read my half-cursive, half-printed writing. I had to memorize the times tables (calculators weren't around then), but I'll grab a calculator in a heartbeat to avoid having to try to remember what 8 X 9 is. Edit: I learned to drive a stick shift because that's all we had. I drive an automatic now, though.
RandomEpiBioPerson 2 years ago
Yea. I was in a job intake training, and while we were on break, this guy in there said "millennials and the new generations don't even learn cursive anymore. I hope my kids can still do their signature." This training has a sign-in sheet, where you had to write your name, and sign the sheet. His signature was maybe a single letter with additional flourishes, but not actually writing in cursive. I'm a millennial who actually uses cursive in my signature, and teachers stopped accepting things written in cursive before I even got out of elementary, so the teachers were definitely not millennials, and therefore, millennials weren't the reason I stopped using cursive. I would've called the guy out of he wasn't starting as the new medical director of his department.
DC 2 years ago
Oh my ... how I hated it. Handwriting itself is ok, but the forced WAY that, down to every line and turn and serif and whatnot, determines how and where it is to be placed, what size, regardless of flow of motion and readability of the less-restricted writing, made it a lot worse in their and in my book. To finally just say "let the boy write how he writes, we'll be able to read that!", they needed some Doctor write me a note about a disorder or so I wasn't even tested for, that disabled me from writing in that way. It's not even that I wouldn't have been able to adapt a writing to some standards, it's that it didn't even start without them. Every, no matter how clear identifiable, how doubtproof, letter that looked different - not needing to resemble a wrong one in any way - got me another mistake, AND orthography was graded seperately as well, so I got a double hit here for one mistake that isn't even one. Events around this ruined my relation to authority, lastingly so.
WildHoneyPie 2 years ago
I like it that our younger grandkids don't understand cursive (the oldest was taught it). Their Gramps and I are excited to have a secret code!
Anna roberts 2 years ago
It's something like being able to tell time on a non-digital clock, that you HAD to know and a sign of things that led to where we are today
Load More Replies... #70
A Scholar And A Gentleman
Pat Curran 2 years ago
Brilliant post. But please, for the love of whatever, the word "you" is only three letters -- write them out! Unless you're genuinely adverse to the use of the letters O and U, in which case you have a bit of a consistency problem.
DC 2 years ago (edited)
Well ... I drive a Mini ... not that cheap either, or you're busy a lot of times, but anyway, the lack of car's size, absolute as well as relative, is in no justifiable relation to the improvement over average d-star-star-k size, regardless of vehicle mass (770kg vs some 14XY kg), length (3054 mm vs some 4200...4300), ... so ... maybe it always is the smaller part that deviates further. Or always the vehicle. Or random, just messed around in... ? OTOH, I have so far not seen many d's that are way off of mine, so I guess it's pretty average in size, while stats say it's about 1...2 cm atop. That's just like 10%, while the average car exceeds mine by some 30% in length, and some 40...60 % in weight. What a trade!
RandomEpiBioPerson 2 years ago
Luckily, I've only seen it a few times, since moving out of Florida. XD
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Anxious&Bored Bear 2 years ago
The Constitution starts, "We the people", and it was written in 1787. The sticker says 1776, so every person who puts the sticker on their vehicle, or wears the shirt, is telling you that they failed middle school history.
#71
But You Know, Just Hypothetically
Emmydearest 2 years ago
Immoral? Yes. Illegal? Probably not. Interesting? You bet. Irreverent? No that's not an adjective I'd use. Illimitable? No it doesn't even make sense. Immunodeficient? What, no. Indecipherable? Please stop.
Bored Trash Panda 2 years ago (edited)
We had our son convinced for the longest time that the world, before 1950, was in black and white. Even had some family go along with it. Honestly, I am not sure if he still believes it or not cause we haven't brought it up.
David Paterson 2 years ago
Back in the 1880s, people used to actually do experiments like this on babies.
Natty Tempest 2 years ago
Yes... But tell me how they turn out in the apocalyptic future they never saw on the screens!
#72
Gotta Love The Early 2000’s
Poison Ivy/Boo 2 years ago
......or you found porn on the end of a double bill of "Weird Science" and "Ghostbusters" on a tape borrowed from a friend's dad....
#73
Again?
#74
Perfect Reason To Study Computer Science
Russ Kincade 2 years ago
I thought it was going to be 1) finding work in you field of study and 2) quickly paying off your student loans but that would not have been nearly as entertaining
#75
Discussing A 30-Year Lease
Dave Forster 2 years ago
I felt this a lot harder than I thought I would... Role for Initiative!
Aiw Aiwou 2 years ago
Or roll for initiative? Both sort of make sense since it's role playing game (or roll playing game?)
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#76
Russian Back Flip Tomahawk Throw!
#77
Wamen
Budcot 2 years ago
I've found incels think of themselves as extremely intelligent
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Alicia Bobcheck 2 years ago
Putting your finger under the words you read doesn't mean you aren't intelligent. This is some dumb s**t.
RandomEpiBioPerson 2 years ago
True, but the intended meaning is known at least, and pretty accurate for some people in general. XD
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Chewie Baron 2 years ago
She’s only licking it. She’ll put it back once she’s sated.
Load More Replies... Natty Tempest 2 years ago
Is it possible to be sapiosexual, while also being a low-50s iq moron? Asking to try and understand an ex...
#78
Im Sorry I Didn't Quite Catch That
LeMurierBonjour 2 years ago
I have licked a Himalayan salt lamp...not on Tinder date though...anyway they are really, really salty. Do not recommend.
mysterious(all pronouns) 2 years ago
You can buy a Himalayan salt lamp and then...just eat it. There's no one stopping you.
DC 2 years ago
Seriously, keep these away from cats! They lick everything and their Grandma, literally even her private parts, in consent even (Granny Cat was pretty old and couldn't twist herself anymore ... this was the caring type of licking, ...), and also those lamps, or any other thing made of said salt. Which are toxic to them.
#79
An Ego Booster
CaptainDinosaur 2 years ago
Ali is the big Kurdish dude who makes bomb-a*s falafel in town and he calls everybody "My friend!" in such a way that you honestly believe him.
René Sauer 2 years ago
Whenever I order at one of my regular places the delivery guy, an older gentleman (Greek, I think) calls me friend when I open the door 😂
#80
Sounds Like A Dream Job
#81
Not A Bad Idea
David Paterson 2 years ago
"cause untold damage" is what they said at the time the Suez canal was being built. There hasn't been an engineering project in the whole history of the world that hasn't attracted negative comments.
#82
Kevin From Applebee's
꧁༒🄱🄾🅁🄴🄳🄿🄰🄽🅃🄷🄴🅁༒꧂ 2 years ago
yeah like imagine only having 86 rolls lol ummmm
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Biofish23 2 years ago
National guard operated the first vaccine sites in my area. It had an oddly post-apocalyptic vibe getting vaccinated by a guy in fatigues in an abandoned mall
Crybabyartist 2 years ago
I can't believe people lining up and getting shots at one of those car washes with 4 bays with a brush and a spray hose with a table full of syringes and a "nurse" inside the bay.
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#83
Just Imagine
Owen 2 years ago
This hits home hard for me. I worked in a Blockbusters, and I used to drink Relentless on shift because I got a discount. I got so hyper once that I had to go outside and smoke three cigarettes at once to calm me. I was 18. Those were the glory days.
Natty Tempest 2 years ago
I have never relates so much to someone with Spider Jarusalem as his avatar...
Load More Replies... imsouravmitra 2 years ago
A long time ago, some people were advertising a weird red colour sports drink outside my college and they were handing out free cans to whoever wanted. So me and a classmate drank 5-6 cans each and then went for an exam. The hard wooden class benches felt bouncy and the Floor felt like quicksand the whole time.
Persephone 2 years ago
He has to make the "bloop bloop bloop" noise after chugging it and crushing the can, then slamming it on the ground.
#84
Capitalism
#85
Sounds Like A Cry For Help
Lex <3 (they/them) 2 years ago
Hey, would you mind lending me some flour?
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#86
Pass The Mic
Wes Gale 2 years ago
Haha always had 4+ copies of each artist on my iPod as a kid. Was so annoying. Man those were the days
cocoapicasso 2 years ago
Always update the spelling after your Limewire download is completed ✌🏻
#87
Huh?
Persephone 2 years ago
Yep. Horse dewormer for parasites, not viruses. Would be nice if it got rid of stupid human parasites 🙄
Load More Replies... Aisling Raye 2 years ago
Fully agree. FB used to be for university kid shenanigans, and then they started letting ppl in that didn't have university email accounts. Now it's all minion memes and neighbors b!thing about how Steve hasn't mowed his lawn in a month and how it's bringing down property values.
#88
I Drive A Manual Because I Need To Be Forced To Focus On What I'm Doing
Jill Bussey 2 years ago
I drive both manual (stick shift) and automatic. What's the difficulty here?
MotherofGuineaPigs 2 years ago
Apparently it is driving with your a*s. I believe women are smarter than this.
Load More Replies... Debby Keir 2 years ago
In the UK we have 2 driving licences. Those who drive automatics can ONLY drive automatics (not so common here, so relatively limited choice of cars) Those who pass the test with a gearstick/stickshift can drive either. And that includes both women and non agressive men.
JB 2 years ago
Grew up in the UK, learned to drive manual. Then a director asked me to drive their automatic, when they were still a rarity, somewhere to pick up some stuff - it’s a loooong time ago, I don’t remember what. I kangaroo hopped most of the way there, stomped on the non-existent clutch pedal so many times, and dropped into neutral more than once. It was horrible! Now I live in North America I have become used to driving automatic. I occasionally miss the ability to box gears to slow down or speed up a lot in a hurry but, generally, they are easier to drive. My only remaining issue is when I visit the UK and rent a (manual) car to get around. It isn’t the driving in the UK that messes me up. It’s getting back to Canada and spending the next week trying to step on that non-existent clutch, while thumping my left hand off the driver’s side door.
Load More Replies... imsouravmitra 2 years ago
Same thing with the "tourist/traveller" drama these days. Tourist: I'm a tourist. Traveller: I'm a traveller, I absorb the culture. I walk the unexplored paths, endangering myself and the rescue team and end up with a movie on Netflix about my rescue. I'm a traveller, yeah!
Procrastinating.... 2 years ago
I am really not looking forward to only automatic cars being the option. Parking in small spaces is really stressful, and I've never had 1 that was fun to drive, But I never felt the need to hump the gear stick!
Jared Robinson 2 years ago
lol But I are one with the machine me is machine machine is me. This is why we drive better.
#89
Ok Elon
Susie Elle 2 years ago
That's exactly what someone who's trying to cover up the secret creation of a zombie apocalyps to generate demand for flamethrowers would say
ColdSteelRonin 2 years ago
Flamethrowers are horrible weapons to use on zombies. They feel no pain and take a long time to burn, so if that's your weapon of choice you will end up having to deal with flaming zombies
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What do you think ?
Pirate narwhal 2 years ago
I don't understand. HOW were these so funny. I was laughing all the way through
Tarryn Ball 2 years ago
I'm close to my Millennial staff. It was one such young lady that cooked me dinner. She's taught me a lot.
TheReader19 2 years ago
Hi Lori, I only noticed I suicide joke; the rest was mostly crazy thoughts we have and are glad others are weird like us too. Sorry if anything upset you hun. Hope all is well with you. ♥️
Load More Replies... Pirate narwhal 2 years ago
I don't understand. HOW were these so funny. I was laughing all the way through
Tarryn Ball 2 years ago
I'm close to my Millennial staff. It was one such young lady that cooked me dinner. She's taught me a lot.
TheReader19 2 years ago
Hi Lori, I only noticed I suicide joke; the rest was mostly crazy thoughts we have and are glad others are weird like us too. Sorry if anything upset you hun. Hope all is well with you. ♥️
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