Naming babies sure is fun - you get to learn all kinds of awesome names and choose one for your adorable spawn. However, as with almost everything in life, there are certain unspoken rules for naming human babies. First off, the name should be appropriate, meaning you shouldn’t call a little human something like Paper Clip. It’s just wrong. Second, remember that the tiny little human will someday be bigger than you, so calling your baby Baby might have repercussions in years ahead (for the Baby, not you, though). And lastly, always remember that a name has the power to make an impression on people, so one should avoid combinations like Sergeant Sergeant. Because then, your baby will absolutely have no choice but to become a Sergeant Sergeant Sergeant one day.
And yeah, although these rules are pretty valid and not so hard to stick to, some people make it their life goal to break them. Hence this amusing Reddit thread where people shared the worst names they’ve ever seen. There’s Granny Gremlin, a preschooler named Xerox, and tons of names that might’ve been pretty fine if not for the absolutely kooky combo they make when paired with the person’s surname. Some of them are so freaky we cannot even mention them in this text!
As to why these people’s parents chose such unfortunate names, we have no clue. Might it have been a bet to come up with the funniest name possible? Or perhaps the person was in a rush and just named their baby after the first thing that popped into their mind? Perchance a mistake? Who knows! And although we do feel sorry for the people who have to carry probably the worst names of all time, it’s nevertheless quite an entertaining read. So, scroll down below, check out the hilarious names people shared on this AskReddit thread, and vote for the most outrageous ones!
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Lemon_Scented_Seal said:
"My mom had a coworker who named her child Tequila."
8bit-meow replied:
"I was in 5th grade with a Tequila. We had a big sleepover and pretended we were at a club and she was the bartender."
Her siblings names are Smirnoff, Bombay, Ballentines and Turkey. I'm guessing what the were conceived on
UrDraco said:
"Icy Dong. And Erika, spelt airwrekkah."
WaitingForTheFire replied:
"Was airwrekkah born during a plane crash?"
Jazzlike-Channel3465 said:
"An 80+-year-old lady called Gremlin."
IAmNaaatBorat replied:
"Never feed her after midnight."
peppermintblues said:
"I’m in healthcare and the worst name I’ve seen on a kid is Meatball."
TheGoober87 replied:
"Son of Meatloaf?"
"Once at work, I met a guy whose first name was Greg which is not all that bad. The only thing is, his last name was also Greg
Greg Greg."
"'Messiahiscoming' is by far the worse I've heard. It's beyond ridiculous."
Add 69 at the end and it sounds like perfect online game name. XD
mattxfish said:
"I went to school with a kid named “Phuc”. It was pronounced “fook” but seeing teachers/substitutes take attendance was always a good time."
Leaf_Warrior replied:
"From what I know it's a pretty common Vietnamese name (if I'm including Phuoc) and means "blessing" or something else with a really positive connotation. Just a bit unfortunate in how it sounds similar to a certain word in the English language."
"A guy named Ashley Hole who went by "Ash"
I s**t you not."
"In the military, there was this guy called Richard (Dick) Sergeant. Who was a Staff Sergeant? So his name was Staff Sergeant Dick Sergeant. He owned it though so good for him."
"A few years after graduating, I found out that a guy in my grad class named his daughter Charizard."
"Quandale Dingle. No contest."
In our school, we got to vote someone the "Quandale Dingle of Noodletoon." :)
ddcaypuno said:
"Someone named their Child "Drink Water" here in the Philippines. The full name would be "Drink Water Rivera".
Hope that counts."
kajnbagoat7 replied:
"Drinkwater is a second name in the UK. There’s a football player called Danny Drinkwater."
Yup, Danny Drinkwater aka the former Leicester and Chelsea guy XP
"Worked at a credit union processing loan docs for borrowers.
Worst name: Nip Hickey.
Best name: Kitty Divine."
"In elementary school, there was a boy named Famous. His younger sister was Fashion."
"Keithesia, because her Dad's name was Keith, and because her mom was in Anesthesia when she was born. Not kidding. She seemed embarrassed to explain it to me. Poor girl."
A woman had paternal twins, a boy and a girl. When she came out of the anesthesia, she was told her brother had named the kids. "Oh, no!" She said. "My brother is an idiot! What did he name them?" She was told the girl's name was Denice. "Well, that's not too bad," she said. "What about the boy?" "Denephew."
"The guy up the road from where I grew up was named Harry Crack."
Former Mayor of Fort Wayne, Indiana was named Harry (not Harold) Baals.
"Knew a girl named LaSonja. When I first saw her name I read it as "La-sahn-ya." She informed me that it was in fact pronounced Lasagna. Even acknowledged 'like the Italian dish.'"
"Went to school with these trailer park kids. They were twins. Bud Light and Bright Light."
Poor Bud Light. I bet all of the other trailer park kids are now boycotting him. 😔
"A student I work with is named Dymmonic. It’s pronounced ‘Demonic’. Poor thing."
"In high school, I knew two twins whose last name was 'Poos'. Chris Poos and Alex Poos. I called them 'the sh**s.'"
"Clindamycin. Yes, spelled exactly the same way as the antibiotic. When questioned, the mom said 'I just thought it was pretty.'"
A little like Veruca in charlie and the chocolate factory
"Eye'n pronounced Ian.
"To be different", per his mom.
What the hell."
"Rusty Clam. It's so bad it's almost good."
That's what my ex used to call it when she was on her period, 'Can you get me some pads when you go shopping? I've got a rusty clam'.
"My elementary school boyfriend in 3rd grade was named Matthew Wiener the kids started calling me Mrs Wiener so I told him I couldn’t be his girlfriend anymore lol."
Had a school principal with that last name who INSISTED it was pronounced "whiner." Sure, Jan.
"My mom was a nurse and one woman named her newborn daughter Tarantula Iguana.
Runner up is the name I heard as a camp counselor: Sevenne, pronounced like the number, and yes the kid was 7 years old."
maybe they change the name every year: ayte, nyne, tyn, elevenne, twelve
"I once met a girl named Cliche."
"My brother went to school with a kid named William William William."
My college history professor's daughter was Amy Hawkins but married an Amy. So she was Amy Amy.
"There's a doctor at my hospital named Dr. Kunts."
"A bit of an urban legend, but here in Wales an English-speaking new mother wanted to give her daughter a Welsh name (a fairly common practice) and saw some writing on a sign in the hospital. She read the sign out loud and thought it sounded really nice and would be a good name for her daughter.
The name she gave was Allanfa Dân. This translates to Fire Exit."
My nephew is named the Irish slang for penis, because my sister is an idiot.
"Xerox, poor kids will be bullied for the rest of their life."
"Myferson (not sure if that’s how it was spelled). It was a compacted version of “my first son”. Parents were tweakers."
"Girth gotta be the worst name I've heard."
"Heard some people named their kids Khaleesi during the height of Game of Thrones... Bet they regret that now."
"My dad's coworker is named Chris Cross. "
That's not a stupid name. It just happens to be the same name as a one hit wonder duo.
ZookeepergameSea3890 said:
"Knew a girl in school, the poor thing was named Cheyfatte. Everyone pronounced it as "she fat". Their last name was Lay."
-partlycloudy- replied:
"My brain actually having trouble computing this one and keeps trying to turn it into Lafayette."
I don't get why they included the last name, is there a joke I'm missing here or am I just dumb?
"Phayth! It is pronounced Faith."
"Atreyu.
His parents named him after the character on NEVER ENDING STORY."
"One of my high school friends named her daughter Peppermint Vespa. Vespa was after Spaceballs, not the scooter. Regardless, she's going to be miserable in school. Not even a decent middle name to go by, poor kid."
"Bruhilga. It just conjures the image of an evil witch brewing her cauldron. (My friend’s aunt’s name.)"
"Crystal Methanie."
"I work at a daycare and I watch two sisters, one named Tesla (after Nikola Tesla, not the car) and Poe (named after Edgar Allen Poe). I see ridiculous names every day watching children but those have probably been the worst."
Lone_Ronin_ said:
"0nica pronounced Zeronica, that’s a zero, not an o."
SweetAlbaD replied:
"What country allows numbers in names?"
herranton replied:
"The USA, in many states. Unless they are specifically banned at the state level, you can include numbers while naming a child. Some states do ban it though."
"I once met a kid in school named “Zachary”. The issue was that it was spelled “Zaquarie” the kid was fine, ate glue once, and was a bit standoff-ish but overall not mean for a then 5-year-old."
"I know a woman whose name is Thumbelina."
I know a Cinderella! She has a loooong chin hair she's been growing for a decade, it's her pride and joy.
"I tutored a homeschooled kid name Godspromise, I went to school with a girl named Barry-Anne and I have taught multiple kids with the middle name Danger.
On a different note, I also taught an 8-year-old named Ian. I don't know why that's as funny to me as it is. An absolutely fantastic kid too."
"I have a baby nephew named Eros, I frequently make jokes about his name to my wife, in private, of course. I heard his name again yesterday and I was "Really? We're still calling him that? If there was a person that needed a nickname, it was that kid. I propose we call him Mordecai.'"
"Distant relative named their son Ur'Majesty."
I had two characters in a book called 'prince' and 'duchess' and they call their son 'duke'... I worried it was really odd until I remembered it's a book about fungus zombies
GentlemanLuis said:
"Met a girl in college my first year who was named 'Jewel-Leah'."
Poptart270 replied:
"So like Julia but spelled differently?"
zubaz69 said:
"Cornelvis. Yes, it's really someone's name."
Scrapper-Mom replied:
"Like a weird marriage between "Cornelius" and "Elvis"."
This bothers me too much. I personally can't stand when portmanteaus end up featuring all of one word as opposed to just part of it.
aRiotofPenguins said:
"I knew a girl in high school named Tuesday."
martusfine replied:
"Tuesday means “to shine”; wherever you are. Tuesday, I hope you’re shining brightly."
"Cash dynamite, to the mom named Exclamation."
"I was riding an Amtrak train. I was in my early 20s at the time. I was seated next to a high school kid. We got to talking. He told me his last name was Virgin. I immediately started laughing and then said, "Wow, I'm sorry, I should not have laughed." He graciously accepted my apology."
"Probably Godwill. Not because it's a bad name, the guy just ended up being, not Christian."
I know a little girl, whose name is “Your Highness “. Her mother is a piece.
I know a little girl, whose name is “Your Highness “. Her mother is a piece.
