The Most Uncomfortable Moments When A Family Member Has Said Something Inappropriate or Inconsiderate: 50 Stories Shared By Our Community
To have a loving and caring family is a great blessing. However, even the most amazing home can have flaws that might be hurting.
Having blood ties doesn't mean that one is the same or similar to another. In some cases, a friend might be a closer person than the rest of the family. It all comes to the values and the way one thinks. With that in mind, I asked our pandas about a time when they felt uncomfortable because of something their family member said. Sadly or not, a lot of people had something to share. Scroll down to read the answers!
I wouldn't necessarily call it "uncomfortable" but here goes: It was at my father's 85th birthday party and his likewise elderly sister/my aunt -who I had not seen in many years- tells me, "I'm surprised you're not in jail". I didn't skip a beat. "I'm surprised you're not dead". She avoided me the rest of the day...
It was more of a smaller gathering (bc of covid).
One of my family members told me I would never make it to heaven if I kept being gay. Me, being the idiot I am, stood up and yelled, "Praise Satan, then" and stormed off.
Everyone went SILENT
I hadn't seen my brother for at least 15+ years due to his travel and spending time in Europe. He had returned to the states and lived a couple hours away but still no real contact. Then, mom got sick. So, I drove up to get him and then up to my mom's. Now, I had gone from being 15 to 30+ since I last saw him and I had pursued a career in which I needed to be in good shape, so I worked out a lot. Once mom got home from the hospital, we all got together and it was then that he announced to everyone that he thought I looked like Arnold Schwartzenegger in drag. My mom popped up and commented, 'yeah, and she rides a motorcycle, too'. He just glared at me and that was when I told him that I also rolled my own tampons and kickstarted my vibrator. I thought mom was going to pop her stitches and my dad, a very quiet man, choked on his tea. My brother never said another word about me.
I was told I needed to get tips on doing my makeup. I was at my husband's funeral.
Years ago I was starting to get gray hair. My youngest brother was going prematurely bald. At one family gathering he made some comment about my gray hair. I replied "Better gray than gone!" He looked stunned and everyone else laughed. He never commented again about my hair.
My mom wanted me to take a succulent cutting from the garden of the airbnb where I was staying. I said no. She kept at at it. I said I'd ask the host. My mom said "what? why?? no!!!" and "I didn't raise you to ask permission!" I was slightly shocked and then thought for a second... it's true. She didn't, but somehow I know the difference between right and wrong anyway. Luckily, I don't do what my mom tells me to do.
Thanksgiving. I was ten. First Thanksgiving with my step family. Walked into the kitchen to hear my dad say that my stepsister was the perfect child but I was a total disappointment. I started crying. He slapped me and said “what did you expect me to do, lie?” Everyone went off and started dinner as if nothing had happened. I was left standing by myself. I hate Thanksgiving. And my father.
Saw my great uncle for the first time in years, first thing he says to me is "wow, you've grown! In many ways..." * Looks at my chest*.
Wtf Uncle Jeff, not cool bro
My grandmother: "Nice boys don't like fat girls, Mija," and then she got upset when I wouldn't eat the huge plate of food she served me. I was 9 or 10.
When I was 17, we were preparing to have a regular dinner, with my grandma coming over as an extra guest.
The table was set, main course needed more time to finish cooking, and I was in the living room watching Cartoon Network as it didn't require a lot of attention and besides I like cartoons of all kind.
My grandma arrived and passed through the living room where she saw me watching tv. She stittered, loooed at me shocked and said " You
..still watch kid stuff?". I didn't bother explaining that lots of cartoons nowadays have subtle queues to relate for a mature audience as well, so I just replied "Uh, yeah, what of it?".
Later during dinner, my grandma would address my father with a concerned face and would say " You should take your son to see a psychiatrist." ( my father froze mid-sip and gazed at her questioningly ) " I caught him watching children's stuff on TV. This isn't right I believe he might be memtally undeveloped. I still want to have great-grandchildren!".
I was right next to her, contemplating how not to explode right there and then.
35 years old now. With a 9 month old baby boy, engaged. Still watching Avatar, Family Guy and whatever the hell I want, probably will watch cartoons till I die.
It was my very first art exhibition and I invited all of my family.. at the end of the show we all gathered outside to chat and in front of everyone, my dad walked up to me and handed me 5$ saying: here, have an allowance, because no one will buy these paintings!
My ex-MIL referring to the local shop owner who was an Asian man: "We don't like those sort of people here". This was on Walney Island, Barrow in Furness, Cumbria. Said ex-MIL was also probably one of the most boring people in existence in addition to being racist, having no interests, never read any books, just trashy magazines, never watched any films or listened to music, knew nothing about history or current affairs but full of negative opinions about others, while claiming to be a Christian and having the audacity to tell me I'll go to hell. The shop owner, btw, was always pleasant, friendly, helpful and courteous.
My grandmas raised me saying things like "No man will ever love you if you don't..." (have long hair, dress like a lady, learn how to cook...). It hurt me a lot but especially subconsciously. I really grew up believing that the idea of me dating was ridiculous.
I was raised by my grandmother. She used to say that no one with a working brain will ever love me because I was so "rebellious". So when I got a partner, she always says what a blessing it is, him not being intelligent enough to realize the fact of me being the mess I am, and I should thank all heavens for him being "dumb enough to be with you".
I'm very very grateful for him being the amazing and loving partner he is, but I keep hearing my grandmother's voice inside my thoughts. Also she passed away like 20 or so years ago. I never went to the graveyard.
"If you don't want kids you just haven't found the right guy yet!" My boyfriend was right by my side
Wow! You got fat! - my aunt on the day of my dad's funeral.
Every time I see my family, a few people comment on how I “need to eat more” or “you are too skinny”. I absolutely hate when people say that because I am very insecure about my body. (Also first post lol)
Uncle asked me why my sweater was dirty. Said I should have dressed nicer. We had no way to wash clothes, had no food a lot of the time, and no new clothes. Everything was hand me downs. Parents spent clothing allotments from welfare on themselves. Rest of the family cared so little and/or were so oblivious to their black sheep son and his wife's children ... when we went into foster care, none of them, all well off, would take us in. Another uncle called us insects.
When I was six I had drawn a picture for my Auntie and when I gave it to her she said, "uh... ah..no." then threw it in the bin in front of me.
You could never pass as a boy, darling.
Said by my mother to young trans me still trying to figure things out. Jokes on her I get "misgendered" every single day by people who don't even know me so I'm obviously doing something right.
When I was thirteen, my mother scolded me (in front of a table full of people) for “flirting” with an adult male. I was mortified, especially as I had just laughed at one of the man’s jokes.
Not at a family gathering, but I once had overheard my parents complaining about me and wishing that I was never born. It hurt a lot, and because I wasn’t supposed to hear their conversation I have to pretend to be oblivious and still act like I care for them.
I hadn't seen my dad in a couple of years, due to distance. I went to my little brother's wedding. The very first thing dad said to me, loud enough for everyone to hear, was, "WOW! You got fat!" Of course, everyone had to turn around to see whom he was talking to.
At a family reunion on my mother's side, my father was repeatedly asked why I (younger daughter) didn't have any children, after all, my sister (3 years older) was already married and has two wonderful children. He got so annoyed about it that he announced that I was a lesbian. The family avoided me for the rest of the meeting.
Had an in-law try to pick a physical fight with me at a funeral because I removed him from Facebook.
TLDR version: I was told by my stepmother that I ruined our family Christmas, simply by being there.
Long version: I had a... troubled childhood, to say the least, too much to really go into, and honestly, I've blocked lots of it out and don't remember many details. I was extremely depressed, suicidal at times, and was violently acting out. My stepmother was the target of a lot of my distress, even though she wasn't necessarily the cause of it. My dad, and her, I guess, tried to help me as best as they could, but it got to the point where they didn't know what else to do, and sent me to a therapeutic boarding school. Part of the school's program involved home visits at specified times, and mine happened to line up with Christmas. When I got home, my stepmother was saying things along the lines of "it was so calm and quiet when you were gone, I was actually happy." I was trying to let things go, not make trouble, and repair the damage I'd done. Christmas morning, when we were all gathered around the tree, she looked me dead in the eyes and said "I hate that you're here. Just... you being here has ruined Christmas."
2 things, both said by in-laws. 1- at a restaurant to waitress, “that’s our last grandkid. No more bcuz we can’t afford them.” We’ve never asked them for anything for the kids. And made me want to get prego just to show her! 2- estate sale for great granny passing, diff ppl walking through the house to buy stuff. Lil old ladies coming through, saw 1 put a trinket in her purse w/o paying. I let it go, wasn’t worth it. A young black guy came in looking for angels for his mom. He was a hard working kid, I knew he was good and had a good heart. FIL followed him all around. FIL and MIL both said at diff times, “those are the ones you have to watch.” I was so disgusted! That’s when I saw their true selves. I stay away and keep my kids away from them as much as possible.
After I admitted I'd been raped, my Mother stated "You deserved everything that happened to you. You're no daughter of mine, you're disgusting really".
Needless to say, I no longer have a family.
My grandmother when I was maybe 11:
"Oh you've gained weight again, and why are you still dressed like a boy"? After that she forced me to try on my great grandmother's moldy fur coat and asked me why I didn't like boys...
Ah family, great memories.
My mom wouldn't let me get rainbow Vans.
Me: Mom, can I have those Vans?
Her: The rainbow ones? Ew, no.
Me: Why not?
Her, speaking quietly: I don't want people to think you are gay.
Me: But there's nothing wrong with it!
Her: Yes there is, I will not let you get them.
Me: Fine. *rolls eyes*
Since she doesn't know the pride flags, I got some blue-purple-pink ones instead. I'm bi-ace. Lol.
After having had a car accident which left me crippled with back pain, I resumed swimming at 35. I started at my worst shape ever, my cardio was horrible and I was at pretty much double the weight my Dr would've liked me to be at.
At first, I couldn't 2 laps in a row without stopping to catch my breath and/or using my inhaler. After about 3 months, I could do 70 laps in a row, so I joined the local Triathlon club's swimming class to improve my technique.
Another 3 months later, I'm now swimming around 100-120 laps 3 times a week, and sharing at Christmas diner that my goal is to be able to swim a 3k race in a lake in an open water event the next summer.
My dad : yeah, but it's easy for you.
Me, looking at him quizzically
My dad, cracking up at his own joke : Well, just look at marine mammals!
So yeah, basically not dying, overcoming the trauma of the accident, transforming myself through sheer willpower into someone worthy of swimming alongside college students 15 years younger than myself DESPITE carrying the extra burden of my weight, that makes me a whale, manatee or beluga. And it's easy cause I "float".
Great. Thanks dad.
I looked away and spoke to my siblings the rest of the meal.
Kinda pisses me off that no one ever tells him off though. But whatever. People who see me swim call me a mermaid or a Valkyrie. I'm kind of both, and I love it.
"You are so pretty when you aren't heavy" - courtesy of my MIL, a few months after giving birth to her second grandchild from us in two years. (I gained about 35 pounds for the first and 2 pounds on top of that for the second). Meanwhile, her other son is a good 20 pounds underweight from switching to "healthier food intake". He was never overweight.
When I got the call that I have the job I wanted for years (after years of part time jobs and bad payment) I went to tell it my family their answer was “you’ll never know what might happen in the future so don’t be to happy about that”
My Aunt had a habit every time she saw me, she’d say “showing a bit too much cleavage there honey!” She would then grab the neckline of whatever I was wearing at the time and trying to tug it up…………I mentioned it to mum and informed her from then on I planned to wear my most low cut shirts/dresses………She approved!
My 71yo Aunt's husband who looked at my 21yo nigerian girlfriend saying that her skin color give him so much butterfly "down there"... My aunt was present so has my GF's mom...
Thirty years ago, my aunt (dad's sister) took me out to dinner to make sure I knew that the reason I was raped during a home intrusion a year earlier was because my mom was a whore when she was my age (she wasn't a virgin when she married my dad so... whore). "Sins of the father" type of bullshit.
She had only just found out about the assault because my dad made me keep it a secret from that side of the family or she would've informed me when it happened, I'm sure.
Cherry on top was becoming the "bad guy" in the family because I refused to be anywhere she was - I was supposed to put my feelings aside so as not to disrupt the family.
"Stop crying all the time." My grandma told me the day afther my mom killed herself. I was nine years old.
Someone at a wedding came up next to me and literally slapped my leg, remarking "that's for having tattoos!". If it had been a stranger I think I'd have punched them.
10 years of my life: elderly parents got sick, quit my job, moved in to take care them. Mom died in 6, Dad 4 years later. My older bro and younger sis did not visit, rarely called. After the reading of the will, brother said, “Your free ride is over. Get out. We’re (sister & him) selling the house.” I did corner bro at Dad’s funeral and said: “Your daughter saw how treated your parents. She will do the same to you.” Rest of the family hasn’t spoken to me since. Good riddance.
Cousin told me at Christmas time 2016 that I wasn't liked by anyone in the family because of my severe anger issues and autism. I know it wasn't true and he was just annoyed at me for being sad that my other cousins got camcorders and gopros and stuff and I got cheap dresses, but it still made me uncomfortable and angry
Oh you're here, we thought you would be staying home again
"Where's your "boyfriend"?" They used air quotes and everything! My reply was, "He's working." He always works weekends, still does and now he's my husband, I eventually had him take a Saturday off so they he could meet some of my more extended family.
My mothers uncle telling me that my boos are just the perfect size when I was only 14.
Not uncomfortable for me per say because I agreed and appreciated the sentiment, but definitely not the time lol. A little back story . My fiance' and I bought our first home and after it closed we took a trip to his family home state across the country. I had spoken to his grandparents regularly on the phone so they "knew" me but never met me in person. (they are in their 70's / 80's so no technology to video chat). It was my Fiance, me, his brother, his wife, and father all going. Brother J and his wife are a bit famous in the family because wifey is a gold digger and lazy. She never works, and when she does doesn't hold a job for more than a month or so. Spends all his money and when he was deployed there were other questions in the family about her faithfulness, anyhow... Grandpa is in his late 70's and is an old Puerto Rican New Yorker, he gives ZERO f***s about couth. (one thing I adore about him actually) Once we physically met we were instant pals and I adore this man immensely. We all went out for supper the first night and everyone was chatting and catching up. Out of nowhere gramps turns to Wifey and says "So you got a job yet?" She said laughing "No grandpa I'm a stay at home mom" "Why???" He boomed. "Kids have school no? What you need to stay home for now? They aren't in diapers." He looked at me. I thought oh s**t, my turn. "What about you? You still working?" "Yes Grandpa I am." "Still doing 35 hour of overtime a week?" "Yes Grandpa" "Ohhh so you don't live off my Grandson huh? That's good, that's good. How long do you have now at you job?" (15 years grandpa... almost 16." (Turning to her) "Huh so you retire in a few years then? Weird, see (Wife) it's not that hard." I about fell over laughing but held it together. Although awkward, it was nice to know I am not on that man's bad side. I'd like to feel bad for (Wife) but I can't I wasn't raised to take advantage of people and it didn't even bother her. When we got home she had a job handed to her on a silver platter. Work from home, great benefits and great money courtesy of my fiance. She quit just over a month later.
I could take up this whole thread with my mother-in-law but one time she asked my husband what my bra size is.
Made lots of jokes about mental disorders, and a good deal of homophobic comments.
There's just always that one relative or a family member who has a lot of obnoxious stuff to say, nobody likes to hear it, but still has to. It seems like a magical ability to just share things that nobody wants to hear.
One relative of mine just talks non-stop about her ailments, it's depressing. The other just had some really unpleasant opinions.
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